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[Assistant] Uhm, we also still have streamlabs open and every stream our top three donators will have their requests- requests read. God, I'm still getting over a cold and I think I'm getting sick again, so my-


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[Assistant] So yeaah, if you want your request to- I hope there's a filter over everybody's earphones. You might get the plague through them.


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[Assistant] Check out Streamlabs and otherwise check out Twitter and Instagram, but speaking of my voice being shitty, Michael can probably take us away.


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[Assistant] Don't check out Bosco on Twitch, he's a bastard. But yea, we got like, I think 600 questions on Instagram and a few hundred more on Twitter.


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[Assistant] We will, we will have another Hazbin Hotel Honeycast soon, guys. Do not worry. You can ask all of your spider and dear daddy related questions then.


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[Assistant] Also speaking of social medias, I'll be linking all of your guys' social medias in the description below. Well goodie, they can find out what my persona is.


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[Assistant] Everybody's gotta get their government mandated fursonas.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we're having a time, so pray for us that we'll have this fixed.


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[Assistant] Honestly, being connected to the ethernet has been worse for us than being connected to wifi.


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[Assistant] Because you've been connected to ethernet and your internet cuts out more than mine does. Being on wifi.


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[Assistant] We were gonna head down to LA in April, but uh, considering recent events.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and we also have a meetup for, uh, well I have a meetup for a show that I'm working on, so we'll see if that still happens, hopefully. Cry. But anyway!


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[Assistant] Uh, before everything fucked up, uh.


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[Assistant] Oh boy, alright, Michael has to steal the first screen.


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[Assistant] Like Michael was screaming, I was just like, oh my god, my poor neighbors. And then I remembered that last night they were doing nothing but fighting with each other and banging against the walls until 11 in the fucking morning. And I'm like, oh, nevermind. No, I hope that, I hope that makes their hangover feel even better.


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[Assistant] This entire stream, I'm sure my mic has been picking it up. You guys might not hear it, but I'm sure the people listening at home probably have heard it. The neighbors behind me have been like throwing shit against the wall and like just being super loud and I'm like, what is happening?


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[Assistant] I'm not, they're great people, I should know. No, I'm scared of zombie people, I don't, I don't. I'm not, they're probably friendly. I'm just offering them what I'm better at doing, you should be good.


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[Assistant] Excuse me, you don't like the bites? No nibbles? No nibbles for Ashley. No nibbles for Ashley, not even as a treat?


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[Assistant] That's, that is the most painful information I've ever been exposed to, not because the fact that the butthole cut of cats exists. It's painful because I can't see it, and I probably never will, and that hurts my soul.


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[Assistant] Lisa seems so small and soft-spoken and sweet, and then the moment you step up to her, she's like, I will stab you in the eye. My money is on me.


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[Assistant] No, not the new TV! Alright, I have the spray bottle now. Baby no longer has spray bottle. Michael, next clip!


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[Assistant] It should awaken some deep primal maternity instincts. No, it just awakens a deep primal urge to kill.


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[Assistant] The last five minutes being the minutes that we jumped into this and started recording, thank fucking god. Yeah. Ugh.


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[Assistant] But anyway, next question.


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[Assistant] It's so funny, people will, like, quote me on things that I've said in past podcasts and I'll be like, uh, yes, sure, I, I get it.


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[Assistant] I like Five Guys Fries the most because they put spices on it and all of them are the floppy ones and it's delicious.


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[Assistant] To be fair, all they serve there is like hamburgers and you don't eat red meat, so you kinda have no reason to go.


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[Assistant] I called a GameStop and I made sure to go out of my way to find, like, the smallest, dinkiest, like, GameStop I could find. Like, one of those ones that, like, corporate has just forgotten exists. And I called, and I was like,


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[Assistant] I had this moment of panic, like, oh no, I haven't prepped what I'm gonna ask. What do I say? Okay, fuck it, I'm just gonna ask what I mean. Hey, can I have Animal Crossing early?


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[Assistant] Alright, wink wink, nudge nudge, not corporate approved.


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[Assistant] Come get Animal Crossing. And I'm like, oh my god, it worked! And so I fuckin' hauled ass over to GameStop and he was like, here you go. And I'm like, this dude just wants to go home. He stopped giving shit a while ago.


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[Assistant] One of my interview questions I have written down, and I will read the question as I wrote it, word for word, is, how many hours of your life have you sacrificed to the Animal Crossing gods?


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[Assistant] Uh, but first up from Instagram, we've got Charlie Charlie, are you there? Which a lot of you guys might know from all their awesome art that they've done for fan art features and Honeycast Pass. And they say, just wanted to let you guys know that I've


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[Assistant] Uh, been accepted into my dream university and will be studying 2D animation. So eventually I'll be out there trying to do what you wonderful people do.


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[Assistant] And for that, I just want to say thank you for being such a big inspiration. Welcome back, Honeycast. And I, the moment I saw that, I'm like, we have to include this. Oh my God. I am so, I am so happy for you, Charlie. I hope university is awesome. And I know you're going to do a great job. Your art is always fantastic.


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[Assistant] So please, please keep letting us know how it's going and I know you're gonna do amazing.


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[Assistant] I mean, one of the, one of the best pieces of advice, like,


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[Assistant] For creating and being an animator and like being an artist and just everything.


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[Assistant] Uhm, is diversify your interests and just enrich your experiences.


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[Assistant] Because everything you experience becomes stuff that you can translate and bring to your art that might be, you know, unique.


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[Assistant] College, I didn't take more, like, cool, unique classes.


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[Assistant] So definitely diversify and experience many things.


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[Assistant] No, uhm, I initially went to school for film because I didn't think I could be an animator.


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[Assistant] Uhm, and eventually I was like, I like this, but this isn't, like, what I really wanna do.


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[Assistant] So I took film for like a year and then I moved over to the animation major.


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[Assistant] And just a couple months after I joined the animation major, they shut it down because they didn't have funding.


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[Assistant] Alright, next question we've got is the Raven Demon.


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[Assistant] Saying hey, this is so exciting. I've been following Honeycast since the beginning. I was wondering if you all could give


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[Assistant] Your honest opinion on how the creative process of Lackadaisy Cats and or Hasbin Hotel went for y'all. If now, I was wondering what's your favorite part of the creative process?


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[Assistant] So, I mean, for me and Michael and Fable, I mean, Hasbin was just...


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[Assistant] Super super cool, really supportive, like, loving team.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I've, I've gushed about working on Hasbin, like, many times before in previous Honeycasts.


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[Assistant] I know Fable and I've gotten to know the rest of y'all now and I've just kinda been watching y'all work on Lackadaisy from the sidelines and


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[Assistant] You guys are crazy. You guys have- up until the Kickstarter, you all were hauling ass, working super super hard. Looking at the server and just seeing-


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[Assistant] I, I think I have, let me look up Kawasiri.


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[Assistant] Yeah, their work is really, really good, and they did a wonderful animatic from the last livestream, and it turned out super, super good. Uh, they captured my manic, embarrassed energy very well, and the way they drew Alistair, I'm sure, makes many a fan real happy, so yes, I did see it.


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[Assistant] And making fan art, like god, it's so good, but yes, we did see it and we love it a lot. Oh, it's beautiful.


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[Assistant] No, you see, I would get my, I would get my black tea and I would have some garlic twists and have a lovely meal. You're just not thinking of it correctly.


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[Assistant] Alright all y'all, your homework, your homework for tonight is to go to Starbucks and try and order a Sprite. Please do not! You should stay home and stay in quarantine and stay safe!


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[Assistant] If you want, if you want a real, if you want real homework, if you're going out, don't go out, stay safe. But if you are going out, tip your barista. That is your homework.


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[Assistant] It, it has become a thing on the podcast to have every single new guest that we get say, oh Ashley, because Michael and Ed discovered that I get flustered and freak out really really easy when I'm being flirted with.


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[Assistant] And, fuckin', so there's this group photo of all the Honeycast members at that point together, and I'm just sit- I'm just hiding with my head in Michael's chest, just like, no, kill me, for the love of God, please.


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[Assistant] It's not my banner on Twitter, it's my banner somewhere, but anyway, yes, alright.


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[Assistant] When Michael was trained that he has to make eye contact with people when he talks, he forgets to blink.


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[Assistant] So anyway, we're going to wrap things up here. Thank you so much, Ash, Belle, Fable, Tracy, Lisa, and Seunghwan for joining me. Fuck you, Michael. Uhm, it has been great to have you guys back on the first episode of Season 2 of Huddycast.


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[Assistant] We will be doing more of these, so be sure to follow me on Twitter. And they'll probably be live instead of pre-recorded. Be sure to follow me on Twitter and Instagram. I will be having everybody else's social media links down below, so be sure to check them out and also check out the Lackadaisy Kickstarter.


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[Assistant] And yeaah, everybody take care of yourselves, stay safe.


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[Assistant] And stay home. Stay home and listen to more Honeycast. But yea, that'll do it for us. Alright, bye everybody! Bye!


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[Assistant] Uh, sure. Uhm, I'm Ash Wagner, otherwise known as the Queen Viking on pretty much all of my social media. Uhm, this is actually my first big project. Uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And was actually kind of, I guess, the catalyst for...


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[Assistant] Uh, getting my ass in gear to, uhm, get my whole, uh, voice acting setup going.


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[Assistant] Uh, cause I've, I've loved Lackadaisy, uhm, the comic, like, since it came out, and, uhm,


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[Assistant] It was funny, I had like a small moment with Tracy, I was like, oh yeah, I did fan art, like, of a little Lackadaisy OC forever ago, and it's in the fan gallery.


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[Assistant] And so uhm, yeaah, it's a, it's been a project that I've been following forever, and uhm.


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[Assistant] Uh, I've, I've done, like, there are a few things I'm working on right now that are, um, they're small, uh, indie projects.


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[Assistant] Uhm, the only one that's been completed and is out there is, uhm, a little horror podcast and the episode was called, uh, what was it? It was, uh, What Happened When It Arrived. Uhm, and I got to voice a bereaved, uh, grieving mother, so that was fun. Lovely.


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[Assistant] Yeaah. And, uh, and now I'm, I'm doing this and I feel incredibly, uhm, just lucky to have this opportunity and


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[Assistant] Uh, as for my first big project, it's a pretty amazing, uhm, project to be on, so.


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[Assistant] Other than voice acting, I do cabaret performance, so I sing and dance and dress up in costumes and stuff on stage. Obviously right now I can't be doing that, so uhm, and in a professional, professional


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[Assistant] I feel like I have the unpopular opinion of uhm,


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[Assistant] Like of all the garbage food of McDonald's, I actually really like their fries, especially the little floppy ones. But it seems like anybody I've talked to who


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[Assistant] I mean, I rarely get into a conversation about fries, but so many people are like, ew, especially like the burnt ones and the floppy ones. They're so gross. And I'm sitting over here like, those are my favorites.


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[Assistant] It's been so long since I've had onion rings, but I think the last place that I had them at was Sonic and they were actually pretty good.


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[Assistant] No, Ivy, Ivy, you are a lady. You should have some instincts with this. Uh, no.


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[Assistant] What is Penelope going to draw first? How about you? Will you start drawing from the ears? Or from its tail?


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[Assistant] I'm sorry, but the cat is gone now.


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[Assistant] I heard that the hero Sephiroth was coming, so I've been waiting here all day with my camera. I want to take a picture of Sephiroth fighting a monster.


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[Assistant] I have no interest in taking pictures of... minor figures.


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[Assistant] Keep the conflict resolved! Later! Oh yeah!


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[Assistant] Slow. The bicycle is slow. Fast and slow are opposite words.


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[Assistant] Dragonfly, stay there. There! Oh no.


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[Assistant] Hello, would you like some flowers?


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[Assistant] Hello everyone, and welcome to Adjective Phrases. Here we go.


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[Assistant] Tall, tall. Are giraffes tall?


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[Assistant] Penguins are short. Strong, strong. Gorillas are strong. Weak, weak. Mice are weak.


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[Assistant] Pretty, pretty. Is your mommy pretty? Handsome, handsome. My daddy is handsome. Old, old. Are you old?


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[Assistant] I'm young, hairy, hairy. My grandma is hairy, bald, bald. Is your grandpa bald?


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[Assistant] Is your cat fat? My dog is thin. Are giraffes tall? Penguins are short.


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[Assistant] Gorillas are strong. Mice are weak.


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[Assistant] Is your mommy pretty? My daddy is handsome. Are you old? I'm young. My grandma is hairy. Is your grandpa bald?


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[Assistant] Thank you very much for watching everyone. This has been Elf Learning. We'll see you next time. Bye bye!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know where my scarf is? I'm also missing my wooly hat.


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[Assistant] Everything that I have that I own, I worked for. Nothing was a gift. And anyone watching this right now can go out and do it.


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[Assistant] And for perseverance, to, to, to understand


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[Assistant] I, I believe that the mind controls the body. The body is just a slave to the mind. And what you think is what you are. And your body follows suit. If you believe it, uhm, eventually it will happen. It's why athletes visualize their high jump.


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[Assistant] And understand how they think and what they think. See the things that are correct and also see the things that are not correct so that you learn from their mistakes. Right? And then you can't be scared to fail. Failure


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[Assistant] You have to be willing to fail. You have to be willing to have criticism. You have to be willing to listen to people that you can trust, whether it's your intimate friends, your spouse, your family, to get their advice.


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[Assistant] Good night. Good night.


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[Assistant] You ought not to judge me, Luis Lopez. You're just like your father.


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[Assistant] Luis, take your life more seriously, baby, please. Don't be like your father.


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[Assistant] If things are better now, then why are you always like this?


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[Assistant] In that case, I guess my brother is in good hands. You take care of that prick.


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[Assistant] Hello and welcome to SleepCove. Please listen in a place where you can safely go to sleep. This episode is the story of the Blue Cross and Father Brown. It's taken from a selection of short stories that were written about Father Brown. You also may have seen the television program which is based on these short stories. Father Brown is a detective, Roman Catholic priest,


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[Assistant] In the vein of Miss Marple and Agatha Christie, I hope you enjoy it. This episode has relaxing music. If you prefer your bedtime stories without relaxing music, then please check out the video link in the top pinned comment for that video. And let's begin.


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[Assistant] The blue cross, taken from the innocence of Father Brown.


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[Assistant] Between the silver ribbon of morning and the green glittering ribbon of sea.


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[Assistant] The boat touched Harridge and let loose a swarm of folk like flies, among whom the man we must follow was by no means conspicuous, nor wished to be. There was nothing notable about him.


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[Assistant] Except a slight contrast between the holiday gaiety of his clothes and the visual gravity of his face.


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[Assistant] His clothes included a slight pale grey jacket, a blue waistcoat and a silver straw hat with a grey blue ribbon. His lean face was dark by contrast and ended in a curt black beard that looked Spanish and suggested an Elizabethan ruff.


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[Assistant] He was smoking a cigarette with the seriousness of an idler.


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[Assistant] There was nothing about him to indicate the fact that the grey jacket covered a loaded revolver, that the white waistcoat covered a police card, or that the straw hat


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[Assistant] The head of the Paris police and the most famous investigator of the world. And he was coming from Brussels to London to make the greatest arrest of the century. Flambeau was in England.


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[Assistant] The release of three countries had tracked the great criminal at last from Ghent to Brussels.


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[Assistant] From Brussels to the hook of Holland, and it was conjectured that he would take some advantage of the unfamiliarity and the confusion of the Euteristic Congress that was taking place in London. Probably he would travel as a minor clerk or secretary connected with it, but of course Valentin could not be certain. Nobody could be certain about Flambeau.


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[Assistant] It is many years now since this colossus of crime.


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[Assistant] Suddenly ceased keeping the world in a turmoil, and when he ceased, as they said after the death of Roland, there was a quiet upon the earth, but in his best days, I mean of course his worst,


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[Assistant] Flambeau was a figure of statuesque and international as the Kaiser. Almost every morning the daily paper announced that he had escaped the consequences of one extraordinary crime by committing another.


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[Assistant] He was a Gascon of gigantic stature and bodily daring.


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[Assistant] And the wildest tales were told of his outbursts of athletic humour.


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[Assistant] How he turned the judged instruction upside down and stood him on his head to clear his mind. How he ran down the Rue de Rivoli with a policeman under each arm.


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[Assistant] It is due to him to say that his fantastic physical strength was generally employed in such bloodless, though dignified scenes.


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[Assistant] His real crimes were chiefly those of ingenious and wholesale robbery, but each of his thefts was almost a new sin and would make a story by itself.


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[Assistant] It was he who ran the great Tyrolean Dairy Company in London.


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[Assistant] With no dairies, no cows, no carts, no milk, but with some thousand subscribers.


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[Assistant] These he served by the simple operation of moving the little milk cans outside peoples doors to the doors of his own customers. It was he


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[Assistant] Who had kept an unaccountable and close correspondence with a young lady whose letterbag was intercepted.


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[Assistant] It is said that he once repainted all the numbers in a street in the dead of night merely to divert one traveller into a trap.


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[Assistant] Which he put upon at corners in quiet suburbs on the chance of strangers dropping postal orders into it.


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[Assistant] Lastly, he was known to be a startling acrobat. Despite his huge figure, he could leap like a grasshopper and melt into the treetops like a monkey. Hence, the great Valentine, when he set out to find Flambeau, was perfectly aware that his adventures would not end when he had found him. But how was he to find him?


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[Assistant] On this, the great valentines and dears were still in process of settlement. There was one thing which Fumbo


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[Assistant] If Valentine's quick eye had caught a tall apple woman, a tall grenadier, or even a tolerably tall duchess, he might have arrested them on the spot. But all along his train,


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[Assistant] There was nobody that could be disguised as Flambeau.


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[Assistant] Anymore than a cat could be disguised as a giraffe, about the people on the boat he had already satisfied himself.


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[Assistant] And the people picked up at Harwich or on the journey, limited themselves with certainty to six.


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[Assistant] There was a short railway official travelling up to the terminus. Three fairly short market gardeners picked up two stations afterwards. One very short widow lady coming up from a small Essex town and a very short Roman Catholic priest going up from a small Essex village. When it came to the last case, Valentine


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[Assistant] The little priest was so much the essence of these eastern flats. He had a face as round and dull as a Norfolk dumpling. He had eyes as empty as the North Sea. He had several brown paper parcels.


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[Assistant] Which he was quite incapable of collecting. The Eucharistic Congress had doubtless sucked out their local stagnation with many such creatures, blind and helpless, like moles, disinterred. Valentin was a skeptic in the severe style of France and could have no love for priests, but he could have a pity for them.


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[Assistant] And this one might have provoked pity in anyone. He had a large shabby umbrella which constantly fell on the floor. He did not seem to know which was the right end of his return ticket.


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[Assistant] He explained with a moon calf simplicity,


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[Assistant] To everybody in the carriage that he had to be careful because he had something made of real silver with blue stones in one of his brown paper parcels. His quaint blending of Essex flatness with saintly simplicity continuously amused the Frenchman till the priest arrived, somehow, at Tottenham with all his parcels and came back for his umbrella.


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[Assistant] The flambeau was four inches above it.


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[Assistant] He arrived at Liverpool Street, however, quite conscientiously secure that he had not missed the criminal so far. He then went to Scotland Yard to regularise his position and arrange for help in case of need. He then lit another cigarette.


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[Assistant] As he was walking in the streets and squares beyond Victoria, he paused and suddenly stood. It was a quiet, quiet square, very typical of London, full of an accidental stillness. The tall, flat houses,


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[Assistant] Looked at once prosperous and uninhabited, the square of Chabris in the centre looked as deserted as a green pacific islet.


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[Assistant] One of the four sides was much higher than the rest, like a dais, and the line


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[Assistant] Of the side was broken by one of London's admirable accidents.


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[Assistant] A restaurant that looked as if it had strayed from Soho. It was an unreasonably attractive object.


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[Assistant] With dwarf plants and pots, and long striped blinds of lemon, yellow and white, it stood specially high above the street, and in the usual patchwork way of London, a flight of steps from the street ran out to meet the door almost as a fire escape might rung up to a first floor window.


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[Assistant] Valentine stirred and smoked in front of the yellow-white blinds and considered them long.


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[Assistant] The most incredible thing about miracles is that they happen. A few clouds in heaven do come together into the staring shape of one human eye. A tree does stand up in the landscape of a doubtful journey in the exact and elaborate shape of a note of interrogation.


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[Assistant] I've seen both these things myself within the last few days. Nelson does die in the instant of victory, and a man named William does quite accidentally murder a man named Williamson.


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[Assistant] It does sound like some sort of infanticide. In short, there is life, an element of elfin coincidence, which people reckoning on the prosaic may perpetually miss.


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[Assistant] As it has been well expressed in the paradox of Poe, wisdom should reckon on the unforeseen. Aristide Valentine was unfathomably French.


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[Assistant] And the French intelligence is intelligence, specially and solely. He was not a thinking machine, for that is a brainless phrase of modern fatalism and materialism. A machine is only a machine because it can't think. But he was a thinking man, and a plain man at the same time. All his wonderful successors that look like conjuring


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] had been gained by plodding logic by clear and commonplace French thought. The French electrify the world, not by starting any paradox. They electrify it by carrying out a truism. They carry a truism so far, as in the French Revolution. But exactly because Valentine understood reason, he understood the limits of reason.


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[Assistant] Only a man who knows nothing of reason. Talks of reasoning without strong, undisputed first principles. Here he had no strong first principles. Flambeau had been missed at Harwich. And if he was in London at all, he might be anything from a tall tramp on Wooden Common to a tall toastmaster at the Hotel Metropole.


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[Assistant] In such cases which he could not follow the train of the reasonable, he coldly and carefully followed the train of the unreasonable.


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[Assistant] Instead of going to the right places, banks, police, stations, rendezvous, he systematically went to the wrong places, knocked at every empty house, turned down every colder sack,


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[Assistant] Went up every lane blocked with rubbish and went round every crescent that led them uselessly out of the way. He defended this crazy cause quite logically.


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[Assistant] He said that if one had a clue, this was the worst way.


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[Assistant] But if one had no clue at all, it was the best.


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[Assistant] Because there was just the chance that an oddity that caught the eye of the pursuer


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[Assistant] Might be the same that had caught the eye of the pursued. Somewhere a man must begin, and it had better be just where another man might stop. Something about that flight of steps up to the shop.


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[Assistant] Roused all the detective's rare romantic fancy.


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[Assistant] And made him resolve to strike up at random.


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[Assistant] He went up the steps and sitting down at a table by the window, asked for a cup of black coffee. It was half way through the morning and he had not breakfasted.


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[Assistant] The slight litter of other breakfasts stood about on the table to remind him of his hunger, and adding a poached egg to his order.


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[Assistant] Once by a pair of nail scissors, and once by a house on fire, once by having to pay for an unstamped letter, and once by getting people to look through a telescope at a comet that might destroy the world.


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[Assistant] He thought his detective brain as good as the criminals, which was true, but he fully realized the disadvantage. The criminal is the creative artist and the detective only the critic. He said with a sour smile and lifted his coffee cup to his lip slowly and put it down very quickly. He had put salt in it.


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[Assistant] He looked at the vessel from which the silvery powder had come. It was certainly a sugar basin, as unmistakably meant for sugar as a champagne bottle for champagne. He wondered why there should be cap salt in it. He looked to see if there were any more unorthodox vessels.


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[Assistant] Yes, there were two salt cellars quite full. Perhaps there was some speciality in the condiment in the salt cellars. He tasted it, it was sugar.


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[Assistant] Then he looked round at the restaurant with a refreshed air of interest to see if there were any other traces of that singular artistic taste which was the sugar in the salt cellars and the salt in the sugar basin. Except for an odd splash of some dark fluid on one of the white-papered walls, the whole place appeared neat, cheerful and ordinary.


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[Assistant] When the official hurried up, fuzzy-haired and somewhat blear-eyed at the early hour,


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[Assistant] A detective who was not without an appreciation of the simpler forms of humour.


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[Assistant] Asked him to taste the sugar, and see if it was up to the high reputation of the hotel.


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[Assistant] The result was the waiter yawned suddenly and woke up.


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[Assistant] Do you play this delicate joke on your customers every morning in Quiet Valentine?


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[Assistant] Does changing the salt and the sugar never pull on you as a jest? The waiter.


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[Assistant] When this irony grew clearer, Stamming really assured him that the establishment had certainly no such intention. It must be a most curious mistake. He picked up the sugar basin and looked at it.


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[Assistant] He picked up the salt cellar and looked at it, his face growing more and more bewildered.


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[Assistant] At last he abruptly excused himself and hurriedly away, returned in a few seconds with the proprietor. The proprietor also examined the sugar basin and then the salt cellar. The proprietor looked also bewildered.


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[Assistant] Suddenly the waiter seemed to grow inarticulate with a rush of words.


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[Assistant] I think, he stuttered, I think it is those two clergymen. What two clergymen? The two clergymen, said the waiter, that threw the soup at the wall. Threw the soup at the wall, repeated Valentine.


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[Assistant] Feeling sure this must be some singular Italian metaphor. Yes, yes said the attendant excitedly.


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[Assistant] And pointed at the dark splash on the white paper. Threw it all over the wall.


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[Assistant] Valentine looked his query at the proprietor, who came to his rescue with fuller reports. Yes sir, he said, it's quite true.


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[Assistant] Though I don't suppose it has anything to do with the sugar and salt.


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[Assistant] Two clergymen came in and drank soup here very early. As soon as the shutters were taking down, they both were very quiet, respectable people. One of them paid the bill and went out, the other, who seemed a slower coach altogether, was some minutes longer getting his things together, but he went out at last.


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[Assistant] Only the instant before he stepped into the street, he deliberately picked up his soup, which he had only half emptied, and threw the soup slap on the wall. I was in the back room myself and so was the waiter.


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[Assistant] So I could only rush out in time to find the wall splashed and the shop empty.


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[Assistant] It didn't do any particular damage, but it was confounded cheek and I tried to catch the man in the street. They were too far off though. I only noticed they went round the next corner into Carr Stairs Street.


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[Assistant] The detective was on his feet, hat settled and stick in hand. He had already decided that in the universal darkness of his mind,


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[Assistant] He could follow the first odd finger that pointed, and this finger was odd enough. Paying his bell and clashing the glass doors behind him.


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[Assistant] It was fortunate that even in such fevered moments, his eyes were cool and quick. Something in a shopfront went by him like a mere flash, yet he went back to look at it. The shop was a popular greengrocer and fruitiers


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[Assistant] On which was written a bold blue chalk,


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[Assistant] Best tangerines, oranges, to a penny.


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[Assistant] On the oranges was the equally unclear exact description, finest Brazil nuts, four pence a pound.


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[Assistant] Mr. Valentine looked at these two placards and fancied he had met this highly subtle form of humour before. And that's somewhat recently. He drew the attention of the red-faced routeteer who was looking rather suddenly up and down the street.


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[Assistant] To this inaccuracy in his advertisements, the fruit seller said nothing, but sharply put each card into its proper place. The detective, leaning elegantly on his walking cane, continued to scrutinise the shop. At last, he said,


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[Assistant] Pray excuse my apparent irrelevance, my good sir, but I should like to ask you a question in experimental psychology and the association of ideas.


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[Assistant] The red-faced shopman regarded him with an eye of menace, but he continued gaily, swinging his cane. Why, he pursued.


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[Assistant] Why are two tickets wrongly placed in a greengrocer's shop like a shovel hat that has come to London for a holiday? Or in case I do not make myself clear, what is the mystical association which connects the ideas of nuts marked as oranges with the idea of two clergymen, one tall and the other short?


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[Assistant] The eyes of the tradesman stood out of his head like a snail's. He really seemed for an instant likely to fling himself upon the stranger. At last he stammered angrily, I don't know what you have to do with it.


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[Assistant] But if you're one of their friends, you can tell them from me.


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[Assistant] That I'll knock their silly heads off, Parsons or no Parsons, if they've upset my apples again.


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[Assistant] Indeed, said the detective with great sympathy. Did they upset your apples? One of them did, said the heated shopman. Rolled him over the street. I'd have caught the fool, but for having to pick him up. Which way did these Parsons go, asked Valentine.


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[Assistant] Up the second road on the left hand side, and then across the square, said the other promptly. Vance, replied Valentine, and vanished like a fairy.


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[Assistant] On the other side of the second square, he found a policeman and said


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[Assistant] This is urgent, constable. Have you seen two clergymen in shovel hats?


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[Assistant] The policeman began to chuckle heavily. I have sir, and if you ask me, one of them was drunk. He stood in the middle of the road that bewildered that. Which way did they go? snapped Valentine. They took one of them yellow buses over there, and to the man. Then that go to Hampstead.


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[Assistant] Valentine produced his official card and said very rapidly, call up two of your men to come with me in pursuit and cross the road with such contagious energy.


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[Assistant] Which joined on the opposite pavement by an inspector and a man in plain clothes.


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[Assistant] Well, sir, began the former with smiling importance. And what may? Valentine pointed suddenly with his cane.


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[Assistant] I'll tell you on the top of that omnibus, he said, I was darting and dodging across the tangle of traffic when all three sank panting on the top seats of the yellow vehicle. The inspector said we could go four times as quick in a taxi.


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[Assistant] Quite true replied their leader placidly. If only we had an idea of where we were going.


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[Assistant] Valentine smoked frowningly for a few seconds, and removing his cigarette he said,


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[Assistant] If you know what a man's doing, get in front of him.


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[Assistant] But if you want to guess what he's doing, keep behind him.


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[Assistant] Stray when he strays, stop when he stops, travel as slowly as he, then you may see what he saw and may act as he acted. All we can do is to keep our eyes skinned for a queer thing. What sort of queer thing do you mean? asked the inspector. Any sort of queer thing answered Valentine and relapsed into obstinate silence.


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[Assistant] The yellow omnibus crawled up the northern roads for what seemed like hours on end.


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[Assistant] For the hours crept long past the normal luncheon hour.


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[Assistant] And the long roads of the north London suburbs seem to shoot out in length.


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[Assistant] After length, like an infernal telescope.


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[Assistant] It was one of those journeys on which a man perpetually feels that now at last he must have come to the end of the universe, and when he finds he has only come to the beginning of Tuffnell Park, London died in draggled taverns and dreary scrubs, and then was uncountably born again in blazing high streets and blatant hotels,


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[Assistant] It was like passing through 13 separate vulgar cities, all just touching each other.


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[Assistant] But though the winter twilight was already threatening the road ahead of them,


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[Assistant] The Parisian detective still sat silent and watchful, eyeing the frontage of the streets that slid by on either side.


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[Assistant] By the time they had left Candom Town behind them, the policeman was nearly asleep at least. They gave something like a jump as Valentine leapt erect, struck a hand on each man's shoulder and shouted to the driver to stop.


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[Assistant] They found Valentine triumphantly pointing his finger towards a window on the left side of the road.


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[Assistant] It was a large window, forming part of the long facade of a gilt and palatial public house. It was the part reserved for respectable dining and labelled restaurant.


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[Assistant] This window, like all the rest, along the frontage of the hotel, was as frosted and figured glass, but in the middle of it was a big black smash, like a star in the ice. RQ at last cried Valentine, waving his stick. The place with the broken window. What window? What clue? asked his principal assistant.


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[Assistant] Proof, he cried. Good god, the man is looking for proof. Well of course the chances are twenty to one, that has nothing to do with them. But what else can we do? Do you see me must follow one wild possibility, or else go home to bed? He banged his way into the restaurant, followed by his companions, and they were seated at a late luncheon at a little table.


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[Assistant] And looked at the star of smashed glass from the inside, not that it was very informative to them even then.


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[Assistant] Got your window broken, I see, said Valentine to the waiter as he paid the bill. Yes, sir, answered the attendant, bending busily over the change to watch Valentine silently added on an enormous tip.


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[Assistant] The waiter straightened himself with mild, but unmistakable animation. Ah yes sir, he said. Very odd thing that, sir.


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[Assistant] Indeed, tell us about it, said the detective with careless curiosity.


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[Assistant] Well, two gents in black came in, said the waiter. Two were these foreign Parsons that were running about. They had a cheap and quiet little lunch, and one of them paid for it and went out.


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[Assistant] The other was just going out to join him when I looked at my change again and found he had paid me more than three times too much. Here I says to the chap, who is nearly out of the door, you've paid me too much.


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[Assistant] Oh, he says very cool. Have we? Yes, I says, and picks up the bill to show them. Well, that was a knockout. What do you mean? said Valentine.


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[Assistant] Well, I would have sworn on seven bibles that I'd put four shillings on that bill.


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[Assistant] The parson at the door, he says all serene. Solid to confuse your accounts, but it'll pay for the window. What window, I says? The one I'm going to break, he says. And he smashed that blessed pain with his umbrella.


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[Assistant] All these inquiries made an exclamation, and the inspector said under his breath, Are we after escaped lunatics?


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[Assistant] The wait went on with some relish for this ridiculous story.


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[Assistant] I was so not silly for a second, I couldn't do anything. The man marched out of the place and joined his friend just round the corner.


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[Assistant] Then they went so quick up Bullock Street that I couldn't catch them, though I ran round the bars to do it. Bullock Street said the detective and shot up that thoroughfare as quickly as the strange couple he pursued.


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[Assistant] Their journeys now took them through bare brick ways like tunnels, streets with few lights, even with few windows. Streets that seemed built on the blank backs of everything and everywhere. Dusk was deepening and it was not easy for the London policeman to guess in what direction they were treading.


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[Assistant] The inspector however was pretty certain that they would eventually strike some part of hamster teeth.


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[Assistant] After an instant's hesitation, he went in. He stood amid the gaudy colours of the confectionery with entire gravity, and bought thirteen chocolate cigars with a certain care.


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[Assistant] He was clearly preparing an opening, but he did not need one. An angular young woman in the shop.


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[Assistant] Regarded his elegant appearance with a merely automatic inquiry.


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[Assistant] But when she saw the door behind him blocked with the blue uniform of the inspector, her eyes seemed to wake up. Oh, she said.


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[Assistant] If you've come about my parcel, I've sent it off already.


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[Assistant] For goodness sake, said Valentine, leaning forward with his first confession of eagerness. For heaven's sake, tell us what happened exactly. Well, said the woman, a little doubtfully. The clergyman came in about half an hour ago and bought some peppermints and talked a bit, and then went off towards the heath. But a second after that, one of them runs back into the shop and says,


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[Assistant] Have I left a parcel? Well, I looked everywhere and couldn't see one, so he says, never mind, but if it should turn up, please post it to this address. And he left me the address, and a shilling for my trouble. And sure enough, though I thought I'd looked everywhere,


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[Assistant] I'd find he'd left a brown paper parcel, so I posted it to the place he said. I can't remember the address now, it was somewhere in Westminster. But as the thing seemed so important, I thought perhaps the police had come about it.


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[Assistant] So they had, said Valentine shortly. Is Hampstead Heath near here? Straight on for fifteen minutes, said the woman. And you'll come right out on the open.


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[Assistant] Valentine sprang out of the shop and began to run. The other detectives followed him at a reluctant trot.


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[Assistant] The street they threaded was so narrow and shut in by shadows that they came out unexpectedly into the void common and vast sky. They were startled to find the evening still so light and clear.


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[Assistant] A perfect dome of peacock green sank into gold amid the blackening trees and the dark violet distances.


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[Assistant] The glowing green tint was just deep enough to pick out in points of crystal one or two stars. All that was left of the daylight.


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[Assistant] The glory of heaven deepened and darkened around the sublime vulgarity of man, and standing on the slope, looking across the valley, Valentine beheld the thing he sought


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[Assistant] Among the black and breaking groups in that distance was one especially black which did not break. A group of two figures, clerically clad.


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[Assistant] Though they seemed as small insects, Valentine could see that one of them was much smaller than the other.


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[Assistant] Though the other had a student stoop and an inconspicuous manner.


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[Assistant] You could see that the man was well over six feet high.


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[Assistant] He shut his teeth and went forward, whirling his stick impatiently. By the time he had substantially diminished the distance and magnified the two black figures as in a vast microscope, he had perceived something else, something which startled him.


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[Assistant] And yet, which he knew he had somehow expected.


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[Assistant] Whoever was the tall priest, there could be no doubt about the identity of the short one. It was his friend of the Harwich train, the stumpy little cure of Essex, whom he had warned about his brown paper parcels. Now, so far as this went,


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[Assistant] Valentine had learned by his inquiries that morning that a Father Brown from Essex


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[Assistant] Was bringing up a silver cross with sapphires. A relic of considerable value.


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[Assistant] To show some of the foreign priests at the congress.


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[Assistant] This undoubtedly was the silver with blue stones, and Father Brown undoubtedly was the little greenhorn in the train.


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[Assistant] Now there was nothing wonderful about the fact that Valentine had found out. Flambeau had also found out. Flambeau found out everything.


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[Assistant] Also, there was nothing wonderful in the fact that when a flambo heard of a sapphire cross, he should try and steal it. That was the most natural thing in all history. And most certainly, there was nothing wonderful about the fact


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[Assistant] A flambeau should have it all his own way.


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[Assistant] Dressed as another priest, could lead him to hamster teeth.


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[Assistant] So far the crimes seem clear enough, and while the detective pitied the priest for his helplessness, he almost despised Van Bo for condescending to such a gullible victim.


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[Assistant] But when Valentine thought of all that had happened in between, of all that had led him to his triumph,


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[Assistant] You racked his brains for the smartest rhyme or reason in it.


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[Assistant] Why had the stealing of a blue and silver cross from a priest from Essex to do with chucking soup at a wallpaper? What had it to do with calling nuts oranges, or with paying for windows first and breaking them afterwards? He had come to the end of his chase, yet somehow he had missed the middle of it. When he failed, which was seldom, he had usually grasped the clue


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[Assistant] Here he'd grasp the criminal, but still he could not grasp the clue. The two figures that were followed were crawling like black flies across the huge green contour of a hill. They were evidently sunk in conversation and perhaps did not notice where they were going.


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[Assistant] But they were certainly going to the wilder and more silent heights of the heath. As their pursuers gained on them, the latter had to use the undignified attitudes of the deerstalker to crouch behind clumps of trees and even to crawl prostate in deep grass. By these ungainly ingenuities,


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[Assistant] The hunters even came close enough to the quarry to hear the murmur of the discussion.


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[Assistant] But no word could be distinguished except the word reason.


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[Assistant] Recurring frequently in a high and almost childish voice.


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[Assistant] Once over an abrupt tip of land and a dense tangle of thickets, the detectives actually lost the two figures they were following.


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[Assistant] They did not find the trail again for an agonising ten minutes, and then it led round the brow of a great dome of hill overlooking an amphitheatre of rich and desolate sunset scenery.


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[Assistant] And this seats at the two priests, still in serious speech together.


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[Assistant] The gorgeous green and gold still clung to the darkening horizon, but the dome above was turning slowly from peacock green to peacock blue, and the stars detached themselves more and more like solid jewels.


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[Assistant] Mutely motioning to the others, Valentine contrived to creep up behind the big branching tree and standing there in deathly silence heard the words of the strange priests for the first time.


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[Assistant] After he had listened for a minute and a half, he was gripped by devilish doubt.


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[Assistant] Perhaps he had dragged the two English policemen to the wastes of a nocturnal heath on an errand no saner than seeking figs on its thistles.


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[Assistant] The two priests were talking exactly like priests, piously, with learning and leisure, about the most aerial enigmas of theology.


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[Assistant] The little Essex priest spoke the more simply with his round face turned to the strengthening stars.


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[Assistant] The other talked with his head bowed as if he was not even worthy to look at them.


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[Assistant] But no more innocently clerical conversation could have been heard in any white Italian cloister or black Spanish cathedral.


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[Assistant] First he heard was the tale of one of Father Brown's sentences, which ended, what they really meant in the Middle Ages, by the heavens being incorruptible.


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[Assistant] The taller priest nodded, his bowed head and said, Ah yes.


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[Assistant] These modern infidels appeal to their reason, but who can look at those millions of worlds and not feel that there may well be wonderful universes above us where reason is utterly unreasonable? No, said the other priest, reason is always reasonable.


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[Assistant] Even the last limbo, and the lost ball land of things. I know that people charge the church with lowering reason, but it is just the other way. Alone on earth, the church makes reason really supreme.


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[Assistant] Alone on earth, the church affirms that God himself is bound by reason.


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[Assistant] The other priest raised his austere face to the spangled sky and said, Yet who knows if that infinite universe


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[Assistant] We're staring his fingernails with silent fury.


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[Assistant] He seemed almost to hear the sniggers of the English detectives.


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[Assistant] Whom he had brought so far on a fantastic guess.


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[Assistant] Only to listen to the metaphysical gossip of two mild old Parsons. In his impatience, he lost the equally elaborate answer of the tall cleric while he listened again. It was again Father Brown who was speaking. Reason and justice


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[Assistant] Grip the remotest and loneliest star. Look at those stars. Don't they look as if they are single diamonds with sapphires?


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[Assistant] Well, you can imagine any mad botany or geology you please.


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[Assistant] Think of forests of adamant with leaves of brilliance. Think the moon as a blue moon.


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[Assistant] But don't fancy that all that frantic astromony would make the smallest difference to the reason and justice of conduct.


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[Assistant] On plains of opal, under cliffs cut out of pearl, you would still find a notice board, thou shall not steal.


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[Assistant] Untine was just in the act of rising from his rigid and crouching attitude and creeping away as softly as might be, felled by the one great folly of his life.


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[Assistant] But someone in the very silence of the tall priest made him stop until the latter spoke.


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[Assistant] When at last he did speak, he said simply, his head bowed and his hands on his knees. Well, I think that other worlds may perhaps rise higher than our reason. The mystery of heaven is unfathomable, and I for one can only bow my head. Then, with brow yet bent, and without changing by the faintest shade, his attitudial voice he added,


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[Assistant] Just hand over that sapphire cross of yours, will you? You're all alone here, and I could pull you to pieces like a straw doll.


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[Assistant] Added a strange violence to that shocking change of speech.


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[Assistant] But the guarder of the relic only seemed to turn his head by the smallest section of the compass.


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[Assistant] He seemed still to have a somewhat foolish face turn to the stars. Perhaps he had not understood or perhaps he had understood and sat rigid with terror. Yes, said the tall priest in the same low voice and in the same still posture. Yes, I am flumbo.


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[Assistant] Then after a pause he said, come will you give me that cross? No, said the other, and the modest syllable had an odd sound.


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[Assistant] One bow suddenly flung off all his pontifical pretensions. The great robber leaned back in his seat and laughed low but long. No, he cried. You won't give it to me, you proud prelate. You won't give it to me.


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[Assistant] You little celibate simpleton, shall I tell you why you won't give it to me? Because I've got it already in my own breast pocket. The small man from Essex turned, what seemed to be a dazed face in the dusk, and said with the timid eagerness of the private secretary, Ah, are you sure? Flambeau yelled with delight,


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[Assistant] Really, you're as good as a three act farcy grind. Yes, you turnip, I'm quite sure.


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[Assistant] I had the sense to make a duplicate of the right parcel, and now my friend, you've got the duplicate, and I've got the jewels. And old dodge, Father Brown. A very old dodge. Yes, said Father Brown.


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[Assistant] And passed his hand through his hair with a strange vagueness of manner. Yes, I've heard of it before.


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[Assistant] The colossus of crime leaned over to the little rustic priest with a sort of sudden interest. You've heard of it? He asked. Where have you heard of it? Well, I mustn't tell you his name, of course, said the little man simply.


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[Assistant] He was a penitent, you know. He lived prosperously for about 20 years, entirely on duplicate brown paper parcels. And so, you see, when I began to suspect you, I thought of this poor chap's way of doing it at once.


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[Assistant] Began to suspect me, repeated the outlaw with increased intensity. Did you really have the gumption to suspect me?


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[Assistant] No, no, said Brown, with an air of an apology. You see, I suspected you when we first met. It's that little bulge up the sleeve where you people have the spiked bracelet.


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[Assistant] How in Tartarus, cried Flambeau, did you ever hear of the spiked bracelet?


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[Assistant] Oh, one's little flock, you know, said Father Brown, arching his eyebrows rather bluntly.


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[Assistant] When I was first a curate in Harleypool, there were three men with spiked bracelets. So, I suspected you from the first. Don't you see, I made sure that the cross should go safe anyhow.


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[Assistant] I'm afraid I watched you, you know. So at last, I saw you change the parcels. Then, don't you see, I changed them back again. And then, I left the right one behind. Left it behind, repeated flambo.


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[Assistant] And for the first time there was another note in his voice, besides his triumph. Well...


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[Assistant] It was like this, said the little priest, speaking in the same unaffected way. I went back to the sweet shop and asked if I'd left a parcel and gave them a particular address if it turned up. Well, I knew I hadn't, but when I went away again, I did.


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[Assistant] So instead of running after me with a valuable parcel, they have sent it flying to a friend of mine in Westminster. Then he added rather sadly, I learned that too from a poor thalo in Hartlepool. He used to do it with handbags he stole at railway stations, but he's in a monastery now. Oh, one gets to know you know, he added.


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[Assistant] Rubbing his head again with the same sort of desperate apology. We can't help being priests. People come and tell us all these things.


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[Assistant] Flambo tore a brown paper parcel out of his inner pocket and tore it into pieces. There was nothing but paper and sticks of lead inside it. He sprang to his feet with a gigantic gesture and cried. I don't believe you. I don't believe a bumpkin like you could manage all that. I believe you've still got the stuff on you, and if you don't give it up,


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[Assistant] Why, we're all alone. I'll take it by force.


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[Assistant] No, said Father Brown simply, and stood up also. You won't take it by force. First, because I really haven't got it. And second, because we are not alone. Flambeau stopped in his stride forward. Behind that tree, said Father Brown pointing, are two strong policemen, and the greatest detective alive. How did they come here, do you ask? Why, I brought them, of course.


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[Assistant] How did I do it? Well, I'll tell you if you like.


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[Assistant] Lord bless you. We have to know 20 such things when we work among our criminal classes. While I wasn't sure you were a thief.


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[Assistant] And it would never do to make a scandal against one of our own clergy. So I tested you to see if anything would make you show yourself.


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[Assistant] A man generally makes a small scene if he finds salt in his coffee. If he doesn't, he has some reason for keeping quiet. I changed the salt and the sugar and kept you quiet.


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[Assistant] The world seemed waiting for Flambeau to leap like a tiger, but he held back as by his spell he was stunned with utmost curiosity.


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[Assistant] Well went on Father Brown with lumbering lucidity.


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[Assistant] As you wouldn't leave any tracks for the police, of course someone had to. At every place we went to, I took care to do something that would get us talked about for the rest of the day. It didn't do much harm. A splashed wall.


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[Assistant] Split apples. A broken window. But I saved the cross, as the cross will always be saved. It is at Westminster by now. I rather wonder you didn't stop it with the donkey's whistle. With the what, as Flambeau? I'm glad you've never heard of it, said the priest making a face. It's a foul thing. I'm sure you're too good of a man for a whistler.


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[Assistant] I couldn't have counted it, even with the spots myself. I am not strong enough in the legs. What on earth are you talking about? said the other. Well, I did think you would know the spots, said Father Brown, agreeably surprised. Oh, you can't have gone so very wrong yet. How in blazes do you know all these horrors? cried Flambeau. The shadow of a smile.


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[Assistant] Cross the round, simple face of the clerical opponent.


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[Assistant] Oh, being a celibate simpleton I suppose he said.


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[Assistant] Has it never struck you that a man who does next to nothing but hear men's real sins is not likely to be wholly unaware of human evil?


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[Assistant] But as a matter of fact, another part of my trade too, made me sure you weren't a priest. What, asked the thief, all escaping. You attacked reason, said Father Brown. It's bad theology. And even as he turned away to collect his property,


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[Assistant] The three policemen came out from under the twilight trees.


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[Assistant] Flambeau was an artist and a sportsman. He stepped back and swept Valentine a great blow.


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[Assistant] Do not bow to me, mona me, said Valentine with silver clearness. Let us both bow to our master. And they both stood an instant uncovered while the little priest blinked about for his umbrella.


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[Assistant] Heroin, an illegal drug, is also an opioid.


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[Assistant] In order to understand how opioids work, it's important to know how your body feels pain. The process begins when something harmful happens to your body.


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[Assistant] Information about this harm is converted to a nerve signal.


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[Assistant] The signal passes along nerves to your spinal cord and brain.


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[Assistant] In your brain the signal is perceived as pain. Opioid drugs affect how you feel pain.


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[Assistant] They attach to structures called opioid receptors.


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[Assistant] These receptors are found on cells in your brain, spinal cord, and other areas of your body.


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[Assistant] Opioids act on these receptors to make you feel less pain.


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[Assistant] These drugs also have different effects in other areas. For example, opioids act on the reward pathway in your brain.


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[Assistant] This causes a release of a chemical called dopamine that results in a happy feeling or high. Opioids may also cause slower breathing.


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[Assistant] And they may cause reduced motion of your intestines, resulting in constipation.


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[Assistant] For most people, when opioids are taken as prescribed for a short time, they are fairly safe and effective.


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[Assistant] But these drugs can be taken in ways that weren't prescribed, such as taking too many, taking them to get high, or giving them to someone else. Misusing these drugs can raise your risk of developing drug tolerance, dependence, addiction, and overdose.


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[Assistant] Tolerance means the drug is less effective over time. This can happen when opioid receptors become less sensitive to the effects of the drug.


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[Assistant] As a result, more of the drug needs to be taken for you to get pain relief.


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[Assistant] Dependence happens if a person has symptoms when they stop using the drug. When the drug is removed or withdrawn, you feel sick. This sickness is called withdrawal.


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[Assistant] Opioid withdrawal has flu-like symptoms that include restlessness and anxiety, muscle aches, inability to sleep,


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[Assistant] Watery eyes and runny nose, nausea and vomiting, stomach cramps and diarrhea, and dilated or widened pupils.


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[Assistant] Opioid addiction is a brain disease where you have an overwhelming craving for the drug. You can't stop taking the drug despite the harm it may cause you.


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[Assistant] Addiction is not the same as dependence. You can be tolerant of a drug or dependent on a drug without being addicted to it.


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[Assistant] Finally, opioid overdose is a condition where taking too much of the drug can cause life-threatening symptoms or even death.


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[Assistant] The symptoms of opioid overdose can include confusion, feeling very sleepy or not alert, nausea and vomiting, constricted or small pupils, unconsciousness, slow or stopped breathing, and death.


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[Assistant] According to the Centers for Disease Control, over 100 Americans die each day from opioid overdoses.


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[Assistant] If you have questions about opioids or if you or someone close to you needs help for an opioid use disorder, talk to your health care provider.


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[Assistant] Please do not listen to this recording or any sleep recording whilst driving or operating heavy machinery. Please find a place where you can safely go to sleep. And let's begin.


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[Assistant] I don't think it's fair for some girls to have plenty of pretty things and other girls nothing at all added little Amy with an injured sniff. We've got father and mother and each other said Beth contentedly from her corner.


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[Assistant] The four young faces in which the firelight shone, brightened at the cheerful words.


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[Assistant] But darkened again, as Joe said, sadly. We haven't got father, and shall not have him for a long time.


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[Assistant] She didn't say perhaps never, but each silently added to it, thinking of farther far away where the fighting was. Nobody spoke for a minute, then Meg said in an altered tone,


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[Assistant] Was because it was going to be hard winter for everyone.


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[Assistant] And she thinks we ought not to spend money for pleasure when our men are suffering so in the army. We can't do much, but we can make our little sacrifices and ought to do it gladly. But I'm afraid I don't. And Meg shook her head as she thought regretfully of all the pretty things she wanted.


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[Assistant] I planned to spend mine in new music, said Beth, with a little sigh, which no one heard but the hearth brush and kettle holder.


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[Assistant] I shall get a nice box of Faber's drawing pencils. I really need them, said Amy decidedly.


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[Assistant] Mother didn't say anything about our money, and she won't wish us to give up everything. Let's each buy what we want, and have a little fun.


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[Assistant] I'm sure we work hard enough to earn it, cried Joe, examining the heels of her shoes in a gentle manly manner. I know I do. Teaching those tiresome children nearly all day when I'm longing to enjoy myself at home, began Meg, in the complaining tone again.


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[Assistant] Who keeps you trotting is never satisfied and worries you till you're ready to fly out of the window or cry.


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[Assistant] It's naughty to fret, but I do not think washing dishes and keeping things tidy is the worst work in the world. It makes me cross and my hands get so stiff. I can't practice well at all. And Beth looked at her rough hands with a sigh that anyone could hear that time.


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[Assistant] I don't believe any of you suffer as I do, cried Amy, for you don't have to go to school with your impertinent girls who plague you if you do not know your lessons and laugh at your dresses and label your father if he isn't rich and insult you when your nose isn't nice. If you mean libel, I'll say so


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[Assistant] It's proper to use good words and improve your vocabulary. Returned Amy with dignity.


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[Assistant] Don't peck at one another, children. Don't you wish we had the money Papa lost when we were little? Joe, dear me, how happy and good we'll be if we had no worries, said Meg. Who could remember better times?


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[Assistant] You said the other day you thought we were a real deal happier than the king, children, for they were fighting and fretting all the time in spite of their money. So I did, Beth. Well, I think we are, for though we do have to work, we make fun of ourselves and are a pretty jolly set, as Joe would say.


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[Assistant] Joe, does you slang words observe Amy?


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[Assistant] Joe immediately sat up, put her hands in her pockets and began to whistle. Don't Joe, it's so boyish. That's why I do it. I detest rude and ladylike girls. And I hate effective, nimi-panini chits.


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[Assistant] Birds and their little nests agree, sang Beth the peacemaker, with such a funny face that both sharp voices softened to a laugh. And the pecking ended for that time. Really girls?


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[Assistant] You were old enough to leave off boyish tricks and to behave better, Josephine. It didn't matter so much when you were a little girl, but now you are so tall and turn up your hair, you should remember that you are a young lady. I'm not, and if turning up my hair makes you one,


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[Assistant] I'll wear it in two tails till I'm 20," cried Jo, pulling off her net and shaking down a chestnut mane. I hate to think I've got to grow up and be Miss March and wear long gowns and look as prim as a china raster. It's bad enough to be a girl anyway.


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[Assistant] When I like boys games and work and manners. I can't get over my disappointment in not being a boy. And it's worse than ever. For I'm dying to go and fight with Papa.


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[Assistant] And I can only stay home and knit like a pokey old woman. And Jo shook the blue army sock till the needles rattled like castanets and her ball bounded across the room. Poor Jo, it's too bad but it can't be helped.


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[Assistant] So you must try to be contented with making your name boyish and playing brother to his girls, said Beth, stroking the rough head with a hand that all the dishwashing and dusting in the world could not make ungentle in its touch. As for you, Amy, continued Meg.


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[Assistant] I like your nice manners and refined ways of speaking when you don't try to be elegant, but your absurd words are as bad as Joe's slang.


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[Assistant] Bloomed in the windows, and a pleasant atmosphere of home pervaded it.


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[Assistant] Margaret, the eldest of the four, was sixteen and very pretty, being plump and fair, with large eyes, plenty of soft brown hair, a sweet mouth, and white hands, of which she was rather vain. Fifteen year old Jo was very tall, thin and brown, and reminded one of a cult, for she never seemed to know what to do with her long limbs,


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[Assistant] Which were very much in her way. She had a decided mouth, a comical nose, and sharp grey eyes, which appeared to see everything and were by turns fierce, funny, or thoughtful. Her long thick hair was her one beauty, but it was usually bundled into a net to be out of her way.


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[Assistant] Round shoulders had Joe. Big hands and feet. A flyaway looked to her clothes.


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[Assistant] They are quite worn out. Mommy must get a new pair. I thought I'd get her some with my dollar, said Beth. No, I shall, cried Amy. I'm the honest, began Meg. But Joe cut in with a decided, I'm the man of the family now. Papa is away and I shall provide the slippers for he told me to take special care of mother.


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[Assistant] While he was gone. Tell you what we'll do, said Beth. Let's each get her something for Christmas. And not get anything for ourselves. That's like you, dear. But what will we get, exclaimed Joe.


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[Assistant] Everyone thought soberly for a minute, then Meg announced as if the idea was suggested by the sight of her own pretty hands. I shall give her a nice pair of gloves.


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[Assistant] So I'll have some left to buy my pencils, added Amy. How will we give the things? asked Meg. Put them on the table and bring her in and see her open the bundles.


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[Assistant] Don't you remember how we used to do it on our birthdays? Answered Joe.


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[Assistant] I used to be so frightened when it was my turn to sit in the chair with the crown on and see you all come marching round to give the presents with a kiss.


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[Assistant] Let mommy think we are getting things for ourselves and then surprise her.


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[Assistant] You won't stop, I know. As long as you can trade around in a white gown with your hair down and wear gold paper jewellery, you're the best actress we've got.


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[Assistant] with a melodramatic scream, which was truly thrilling. Amy followed, but she poked her hands out stiffly before her and joked herself along as she went by machinery


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[Assistant] And her owl was more suggestive of pins being run into her than of fear and anguish.


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[Assistant] Hagar the witch chanted an awful incarnation over her kettled of simmering toes with weird effect.


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[Assistant] That her sisters were gifted with wonderful genius in all things.


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[Assistant] No, it's the toasting fork with mother's shoe on it instead of the bread. Beth's stage struck, cried Meg, and the rehearsal ended in a general burst of laughter. Glad to find you so merry, my girls, said a cheery voice at the door. And actors and audience turned to welcome a tall, motherly lady with a can I help you look about her, which was truly delightful.


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[Assistant] She was not elegantly dressed, but a noble looking woman, and the girls thought the grey cloak and unfashionable bonnet covered the most splendid mother in the world. Well, dearies, how have you got on today?


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[Assistant] There is so much to do. Getting the boxes ready to go tomorrow, that I didn't come home to dinner.


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[Assistant] While making these maternal inquiries, Mrs March got her wet things off, her warm slippers on, and sitting down in the easy chair, drew Amy to her lap, preparing to enjoy the happiest hour of her busy day.


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[Assistant] As she sat with her hands folded. As they gathered about the table, Mrs. Mark said with a particularly happy face, I've got a treat for you after supper. A quick bright smile went round like a streak of sunshine.


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[Assistant] They all drew to the fire. Mother in the big chair with Beth at her feet.


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[Assistant] Leaning on the back when no one could see any sign of emotion. If the letter should happen to be touching.


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[Assistant] In this one little set of the hardships endured, the dangers faced, or the homesickness conquered, it was a cheerful, hopeful letter.


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[Assistant] Full of lively descriptions of camp life, marches and military news, and only at the end did the writer's heart overflow with fatherly love and longing for the little girls at home.


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[Assistant] Give them all of my dear love and a kiss.


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[Assistant] Mrs March broke the silence that followed Jo's words by saying in her cheery voice, Do you remember how you used to play Pilgrim's Progress when you were little things? Nothing delighted you more than to have me tie


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[Assistant] We had all the lovely things you could collect to make a celestial city.


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[Assistant] What fun it was, especially going by the lions.


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[Assistant] Fighting the enemies and passing through the valley where the hobgoblins were, said Jo.


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[Assistant] I'd rather like to play it over again, said Amy.


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[Assistant] That leads us through many troubles and mistakes to the piece which is the true celestial city. Now, my little pilgrims, suppose you begin again, not in play, but in earnest, and see how far you can get before father comes home. Really, mother, where are our bundles? asked Amy, who was a very literal


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[Assistant] Young lady, each of you told what your burden was just now, except Beth.


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[Assistant] I rather think she hasn't got any, said her mother. Yes I have. Mine is dishes and dusters and envying girls with nice pianos and being afraid of people. Beth Spendle was such a funny one that everybody wanted to laugh, but nobody did, for it would have hurt her feelings very much. Let us do it, said Meg thoughtfully. It is only another name


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[Assistant] They adopted Joe's plan of dividing the lawn seams into four parts.


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[Assistant] No one but Beth could get music out of the old piano.


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[Assistant] Chapter 5 The Tragedy of Pondicherry Lodge


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[Assistant] It was nearly eleven o'clock when we reached this final stage of our night's adventures. We had left the damp fog of the great city behind us, and the night was fairly


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[Assistant] A warm wind blew from the westward, and heavy clouds moved slowly across the sky, with half a moon peeping occasionally through the rifts. It was clear enough to see for some distance, but Thaddeus Sholto took down one of the side lamps from the carriage to give us a better light upon our way.


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[Assistant] Pondicherry Lodge stood in its own grounds, and was girt round with a very high stone wall topped with broken glass. A single, narrow, iron-clamped door formed the only means of entrance. On this our guide knocked with a peculiar postmanlike rattat. "'Who is there?' cried a gruff voice from within.


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[Assistant] It is I, McMurdo. You surely know my knock by this time.


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[Assistant] There was a grumbling sound and the clanking and jarring of keys.


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[Assistant] The door swung heavily back, and a short, deep-chested man stood in the opening, with the yellow light of the lantern shining upon his protruded face and twinkling, distrustful eyes. That you, Mr. Thaddeus? But who are the others? I had no orders about them from the master.


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[Assistant] No, McMurdo, you surprised me. I told my brother last night that I should bring some friends.


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[Assistant] He ain't been out his room today, Mr. Thaddeus, and I have no orders. You know very well that I must stick to regulations.


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[Assistant] I can let you in but your friends must just stop where they are. This was an unexpected obstacle.


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[Assistant] If I guarantee them, that is enough for you. There is the young lady too. She cannot wait on the public road at this hour.


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[Assistant] Very sorry, Mr. Thaddeus, said the porter inexorably.


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[Assistant] Vote maybe your friends are yours, and yet no friends are the masters. He pays me well to do my duty, and my duty I'll do. I don't know none of your friends.


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[Assistant] Oh yes you do, McMurdo, cried Sherlock Holmes genially. I don't think you can have forgotten me.


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[Assistant] Don't you remember the amateur who fought three rounds with you at Alison's Rooms on the night of your benefit tour years back?


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[Assistant] Not Mr. Sherlock Holmes, roared the prizefighter. God's truth! How could I have mistook you?


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[Assistant] If instead of standing there so quiet you'd just stepped up and given me that cross-hitter yours under the jaw, I'd have known you without question.


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[Assistant] Ah, you're one that has wasted your gifts, you have. You might have aimed high, if you'd joined the fancy.


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[Assistant] You see, Watson, if all else fails me, I have still one of the scientific professions open to me," said Holmes, laughing. Our friend won't keep us out in the cold now, I am sure.


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[Assistant] In you come, sir. In you come. You and your friends," he answered.


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[Assistant] Very sorry, Mr. Thaddeus, but orders are very strict. I had to be certain of your friends before I let them in.


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[Assistant] Inside a gravel path wound through desolate grounds to a huge clump of a house, square and prosaic, all plunged in shadow save where a moonbeam struck one corner and glimmered in a garret window.


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[Assistant] The vast size of the building, with its gloom and its deathly silence, struck a chill to the heart.


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[Assistant] And yet there is no light in his window. I do not know what to make of it.


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[Assistant] Does he always guard the premises in this way? asked Holmes.


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[Assistant] Yes, he has followed my father's custom. He was the favourite son, you know, and I sometimes think that my father may have told him more than he ever told me.


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[Assistant] That is Bartholomew's window up there, where the moonshine strikes.


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[Assistant] But I see the glint of light in that little window beside the door.


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[Assistant] Ah, that is the housekeeper's room. That is where old Mrs. Burnstone sits. She can tell us all about it.


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[Assistant] But perhaps you would not mind waiting here for a minute or two, for if we all go in together, and she has no word of our coming, she may be alarmed. But hush! What is that?


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[Assistant] He held up the lantern, and his hand shook until the circles of light flickered and wavered all around us.


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[Assistant] Miss Morstan seized my wrist, and we all stood with thumping hearts, straining our ears.


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[Assistant] From the great black house there sounded through the silent night the saddest and most pitiful of sounds—the shrill, broken whimpering of a frightened woman. "'It is Mrs. Burnstone,' said Sholto. "'She is the only woman in the house. Wait here. I shall be back in a moment.' He hurried for the door and knocked in his peculiar way.


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[Assistant] We could see a tall old woman admit him, and sway with pleasure at the very sight of him.


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[Assistant] Oh, Mr Thaddeus, sir. I'm so glad you've come. I am so glad you've come, Mr Thaddeus, sir.


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[Assistant] We heard her reiterated rejoicings until the door was closed and her voice died away into a muffled monotone.


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[Assistant] Our guide had left us the lantern. Holmes swung it slowly round and peered keenly at the house and at the great rubbish heaps which cumbered the grounds. Miss Morstan and I stood together, and her hand was in mine. A wondrous subtle thing is love,


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[Assistant] For here we were, two who had never seen each other before that day, between whom no word or even look of affection had ever passed, and yet now, in an hour of trouble, our hands instinctively sought for each other. I have marvelled at it since,


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[Assistant] But at the time it seemed the most natural thing that I should go out to her so.


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[Assistant] And, as she has often told me, there was in her also the instinct to turn to me for comfort and protection.


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[Assistant] So we stood hand in hand, like two children, and there was peace in our hearts for all the dark things that surrounded us. What a strange place, she said, looking round.


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[Assistant] It looks as though all the moles in England have been let loose in it. I've seen something of the sort on the side of a hill near Ballarat, where the prospectors have been at work.


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[Assistant] And from the same cause," said Holmes. These are the traces of the treasure-seekers. You must remember that they were six years looking for it. No wonder that the grounds looked like a gravel-pit.


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[Assistant] At that moment the door of the house burst open, and Thaddeus Sholto came running out with his hands thrown forward and terror in his eyes. There is something amiss with Bartholomew, he cried. I am frightened. My nerves cannot stand it.


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[Assistant] He was indeed half blubbering with fear, and his twitching feeble face peeping out from the great astrakhan collar had the helpless, appealing expression of a terrified child.


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[Assistant] Come into the house," said Holmes in his crisp, firm way. Yes, do, pleaded Thaddeus Sholto. I really do not feel equal to giving directions.


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[Assistant] We all followed him into the housekeeper's room, which stood upon the left-hand side of the passage. The old woman was pacing up and down with a scared look and restless, picking fingers, but the sight of Miss Morstan appeared to have a soothing effect upon her.


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[Assistant] God bless your sweet calm face," she cried with an hysterical sob.


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[Assistant] It does me good to see you. Oh, but I have been sorely tried this day.


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[Assistant] Our companion patted her thin, work-worn hand, and murmured some few words of kindly, womanly comfort, which brought the colour back into the other's bloodless cheeks.


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[Assistant] Master has locked himself in, and will not answer me," she explained.


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[Assistant] All day I've waited to hear from him, for he often likes to be alone, but an hour ago I feared that something was amiss, so I went up and peeped through the keyhole. You must go up, Mr. Thaddeus, you must go up and look for yourself.


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[Assistant] I've seen Mr Bartholomew Sholto in joy and in sorrow for ten long years, but I never saw him with such a face on him as that." Sherlock Holmes took the lamp and led the way, for Thaddeus Sholto's teeth were chattering in his head.


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[Assistant] So shaken was he that I had to pass my hand under his arm as we went up the stairs, for his knees were trembling under him.


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[Assistant] Twice as we ascended Holmes whipped his lens out of his pocket and carefully examined marks which appeared to me to be mere shapeless smudges of dust upon the coconut matting which served as a stair-carpet.


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[Assistant] He walked slowly from step to step, holding the lamp and shooting keen glances to right and left.


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[Assistant] Miss Morstan had remained behind with the frightened housekeeper.


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[Assistant] The third flight of stairs ended in a straight passage of some length, with a great picture in Indian tapestry upon the right of it, and three doors upon the left.


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[Assistant] Holmes advanced along it in the same slow and methodical way, while we kept close at his heels, with our long black shadows streaming backwards down the corridor. The third door was that which we were seeking.


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[Assistant] Holmes knocked without receiving any answer, and then tried to turn the handle and force it open.


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[Assistant] It was locked on the inside, however, and by a broad and powerful bolt, as we could see when we set our lamp up against it.


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[Assistant] The key being turned however, the hole was not entirely closed.


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[Assistant] Sherlock Holmes bent down to it, and instantly rose again with a sharp intaking of the breath.


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[Assistant] There is something devilish in this, Watson," said he, more moved than I had ever before seen him. What do you make of it? I stooped to the hole and recoiled in horror.


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[Assistant] Moonlight was streaming into the room, and it was bright with a vague and shifty radiance.


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[Assistant] Looking straight at me and suspended as it were in the air, for all beneath was in shadow, there hung a face.