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[Assistant] Like for example, it's a lot easier to mo- to monitor like, uh, text and stickers than it is to monitor, uh, pictures or like, you know, audio or video messages or like,


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[Assistant] Just one thing about that. Maybe to start, we just want to limit to like, uhm, text games and like, you know, cue stickers or something like that. And kind of expand from there. Yeah.


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[Assistant] You know, with a phone or iPad app, the parent can just install it, and you can get distribution pretty quickly. But with a toy, you actually have to buy the toy itself, and that can limit the adoption of the toy. Uh, so yeaah, there's trade-offs there.


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[Assistant] If you try to build an app that covers like teenagers, preschoolers and toddlers and like, you know, tries to just be everything to everybody, it's probably going to fail. So in this case, I think the solution that came up with it is really trying to use games and use like, you know,


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[Assistant] Well, I'm all moved into my new place. Check out what I did with my display here.


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[Assistant] And real talk, 1000% honesty, most of the things I just showed you come from Bayi.jp, the sponsor of today's video.


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[Assistant] With Bai, you can buy from dozens of stores in Japan, including the Godzilla store.


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[Assistant] And you can also bid on auctions in Japan through Bayi. Just like you would on an American auction site.


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[Assistant] They'll store everything you buy in a private warehouse until you're ready to have it all shipped to you at once.


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[Assistant] Well, there is no Jurassic Park movie about to be released, or Jurassic World, or Jurassic Universe, or whatever. So, clearly, this is the perfect time for a YouTuber to do a Jurassic Park video game retrospective.


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[Assistant] Which classic Jurassic Park games are the best? Which are the worst? Well, hold on to your butts, because we're gonna see what's fantastic and what's one big pile of shit. We're gonna see if a good game, uh, uh, finds a way.


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[Assistant] We're gonna really tie the room together, because this aggression will not stand, man, and nobody fucks with the Jesus. I... somehow wandered into the wrong movie there.


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[Assistant] When I was a kid, I got to see the first Jurassic Park movie in the theater, and it was probably the most mind-blowing movie going experience of my life.


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[Assistant] Steven Spielberg directing a magical film, taking paleontologist Alan Grant and paleobotanist Ellie Sattler to show them and us realistic dinosaurs living side by side with humans. It's so hard to imagine now, but that movie was doing things no one had ever seen before.


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[Assistant] I take medication for depression that comes on ONLY from the knowledge that I will never have a movie going experience like that again in my life!


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[Assistant] After coming back from the theater, I was hungry to get back into that world, and luckily there were official video games to satiate that hunger. I had a Sega Genesis at the time, and this is my childhood copy of the 1993 Jurassic Park game, developed by Blue Sky Software. I loved it! Let's see if it holds up.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that T-Rex just said Sega. Dinosaurs were talking years before this Raptor from Jurassic Park 3. Alan. Man, I remember this opening was hype.


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[Assistant] You can choose between being Alan Grant or a Raptor, that is awesome! As Alan, I guess you're just riding alone next to the T-Rex fence, then somehow it blows open and uh-oh, there's only one thing that dinosaur wants. To go disco dancing!


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[Assistant] Your mission is to make it through the jungle to the power station, and just look at these graphics! This was so impressive to me in 1993. First things first, let's ride this Triceratops. Oh, he didn't like that! Take a nap!


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[Assistant] Yeah, that triceratops on its side in the movie, Alan granted that shit. These games all loved their compies. These guys weren't even in the first movie at all, but they're rampant in almost every video game adaptation.


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[Assistant] Another common theme you're gonna see in these games is that Alan Grant is packing heat. Guns, grenades. Kill them all, Alan! You study dead dinosaurs, not living ones.


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[Assistant] The first level of this game is actually my least favorite level. It involves a lot of leaps of


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[Assistant] A lot of can I stand on that, or will sliding on this kill me? Like look, I just died because I jumped too far. Later levels will look more defined, they will still have their frustrations, but at the end of the day, Grant can fucking shoot raptors. Even Muldoon couldn't do that. This part used to get me psyched as a kid.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Rexie's here. You gotta stun him to get past him. Oh man.


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[Assistant] I just want to show you one more level. This raft level. Holy shit. Many of my childhood hours were spent getting this level down. You ride in a raft. Even without the internet, a lot of people knew that Jurassic Park had a raft scene that was cut from the final product.


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[Assistant] So anytime you see a raft in a game, it had a little bit of that extra excitement. Until...


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[Assistant] Yeah, you gotta do this perfect, or you'll go flying down a waterfall.


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[Assistant] You've got to plan jumps and abandoning your raft for a new one? Look at this jump you have to do here to get to the T-Rex. And if you get too close...


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[Assistant] There are smaller waterfall drops you have to go down perfectly or else


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[Assistant] This last drop is terrifying because you think you're gonna die, but then he makes it.


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[Assistant] Beating this level was once one of my most proud video game achievements.


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[Assistant] Playing as a raptor is a blast. You've broken out of your cage, and immediately you just start stalking Alan Grant. What is this, Jaws the Revenge? Why does this raptor have a personal vendetta against Grant? Maybe these raptors in the movie were its parents.


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[Assistant] Being a raptor feels easier, you can kill things, like the military, just by kinda jumping on them.


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[Assistant] The Raptor game is a bit easier, it's not like you have to do the raft level, though that would be something.


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[Assistant] This game got a sequel the very next year! Yeah, why wait for an official Jurassic Park sequel when we can make our own up? Jurassic Park Rampage Edition. Now, this was confusing. Going by the covers and the title, it feels like this is some kind of new version of the original game.


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[Assistant] And I thought that for a long time, and I know I'm not alone in thinking that. Usually when you see the word addition, it's basically the same game, but some things are different.


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[Assistant] But it turns out this is an entirely different game. So why didn't they just call it Jurassic Park Rampage? Why make it confusing? Rampage Edition is like the creators of the first game, we're told to do it again. But this time guys, just do whatever the fuck you want, who cares?


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[Assistant] This fucking pterodactyl is flying me to the top of the level. Every dinosaur on the island is trying to kill me, and the Injun military are here this time trying to kill me. Fuck, isn't anybody on my side?


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[Assistant] This game has Grant going full Rambo. Turns out the rampage in the title was referring to the paleontologist.


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[Assistant] This fucking pterodactyl every time I make it to the lower part of the level, he just pulls me back up again.


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[Assistant] This game runs smoother than the first, it feels faster, there are less moments of slowdown, and that's good because if you sit still for one moment, FUCK AGAIN!


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[Assistant] I got a flamethrower now. Let's see those prehistoric birds try their shit now.


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[Assistant] You incinerate dinosaurs. You electrocute dinosaurs. It's like Hammond brought them all back to life just so you could kill them again.


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[Assistant] This game is fucking bonkers and it's just getting started!


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[Assistant] You guys remember that part in Jurassic Park when Grant rode on a dinosaur shooting up at a helicopter? It's like between the previous game and this game, the entire development team just discovered cocaine. Did Alan Grant even fire his gun in the movie?


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[Assistant] Here he's hollering like a cowboy! He loves this shit! This game is virtually a run and gun.


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[Assistant] Look at the way he just fried that guy! That guy had three children, Grant, and you just burnt him to a crisp!


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[Assistant] Jokes aside, this is a pretty good game. Pretty fun, definitely amusing, and how insane it is.


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[Assistant] Fuck, I didn't even get to the part where you could be the Raptor in this game yet. And what was that? The Raptor has Sonic the Hedgehog spinning jumps now? This is too much. Blue Sky, I tip my hat to you. We gotta move on though.


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[Assistant] What is this off-brand score? They couldn't get the real theme? This is sci-fi channel level. This is an intro to 80's porno.


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[Assistant] Anyway, this is a point and click game. Like, I can select this Nerf gun here and try to shoot this Brachiosaurus. Cause I don't like the way they're looking at me.


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[Assistant] We go to some traveling b-roll and now I'm at the famous gates of the park.


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[Assistant] I don't know what the fuck to do. Everywhere I go, everything I find, I can't do shit.


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[Assistant] Oh no, I found some spitters! Get your gun, stupid! This gun's not doing shit!


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[Assistant] Jesus Christ, listen to that crunching! I got eaten, no question about it!


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[Assistant] Jurassic Park on Game Gear starts me with a helicopter headed to Jurassic Park and thank god I landed safe this time.


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[Assistant] There are many new victims of dinosaurs attacks each day. The computer? Time out!


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[Assistant] Quick aside, in 1993 home computers weren't common yet, but pop culture was really into the mystique of computers and hackers and the mainframe, and computers play a large role in Jurassic


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[Assistant] A computer causes the problems, and another computer solves the problem. So, you're gonna see a lot of these games involve computer screens. The whole mentality is very, We'll circle back to, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THAT GUY'S FACE?! I could see down his throat to his kidneys!


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[Assistant] Alright, so I'm some blonde engine dude headed into the park, and I gotta pick where to go. And wherever you go it starts with this little drive level where you need to keep the car safe from dinosaur attacks. And then after that you get your platforming.


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[Assistant] You go in buildings, you go in caves. Nothing here is reinventing the wheel like the movie did.


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[Assistant] And if I'm not careful, I'm gonna accidentally send Jurassic James here to Oz. Now I'm fighting the Triceratops. Yeah, shoot him right in the ass.


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[Assistant] Did you know there was a Jurassic Park video game on the Sega Master System? Because I sure didn't until making this video. And it's the same as the Game Gear game, just on a home console. Actually, it's a small step down from the Game Gear version.


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[Assistant] But it's time to visit the Master System's archenemy, the NES.


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[Assistant] God damn, I wish I could tell you what company developed this game. Ah, I wish I knew! Atari? Let's go with Atari.


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[Assistant] Someone tell Spider-Man that Dr. Connors took his lizard serum again.


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[Assistant] Was that a Super Mario sound? That sounded like Mario going down a pipe. Maybe I'll warp to Jurassic Park. So I'm Grant again, and I've gotta rescue the other cast members, and at least the rest of the cast is actually acknowledged in this game. Find Tim and rescue him. Got it.


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[Assistant] But also I need to collect eggs to progress to the next section.


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[Assistant] That little mission brief forgot to mention that part and I was wandering around like an asshole. Look at all these compies teaming up on me.


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[Assistant] Grant is holding some type of bazooka thing because video game Grant isn't subtle.


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[Assistant] It takes some getting used to because it doesn't shoot from the center. And also diagonal aiming isn't super smooth. And also there's limited ammo.


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[Assistant] Why does it take two hits to kill a copy with a bazooka? Let me in, you assholes! There are copies everywhere!


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[Assistant] I find it easier just to dodge and avoid dinosaurs than try to shoot them all. Maybe that's what you're supposed to be doing. Truth be told, I dig this game. I can respect what it's trying to do, and I give them credit for going a non-platformer route.


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[Assistant] But the game can also be very unfair, like when prize boxes blow up and hurt you. But look, a computer!


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[Assistant] Jurassic Park Central MAINFRAME! Ooh, online help! Maybe I can get to GameSpot or IGN. Huh. This computer says no help given.


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[Assistant] I really am on the internet. Alright, there's Tim. Let me just get- HOLY SHIT, look at that triceratops! They flattened Timmy like Judge Doom! Run, Timmy! You gotta run! There's fucking so many! Next up, you gotta save Lex, and it's really more of the same except a raft! Here we go again!


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[Assistant] The raft controls like shit. I think it's on purpose to make you feel like you're rowing against a current. Help! I can't stop this raft! Here's Lex and a T-Rex. Wait!


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[Assistant] Lex? Rex? Was that on purpose? This Rex is a pain, you have to shoot him in the mouth, but he'll quickly gobble you up.


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[Assistant] I do like this game enough, but I don't like these boss levels.


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[Assistant] So over on Game Boy, we're doing the same thing. It's the same game. It's actually impressive. Not many Game Boy games were so close to their NES counterparts at the time.


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[Assistant] Maybe it's because of the system's capabilities that I'm being more forgiven here. Like, look! That's a pretty impressive graphic!


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[Assistant] Also, for some reason on Game Boy, the boss fights start with a nice still image.


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[Assistant] Look, all the game's flaws are still here, but the bar for Game Boy is much lower than NES, and I actually think that this is a more impressive version.


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[Assistant] But if we go over to the Super Nintendo and now the bar is raised...


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[Assistant] Look at this game, immediately showing off that thing that the SNES can do that the Genesis can't. There's not even a reason for it, they're just bragging. See that? It's a computer now.


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[Assistant] What do I click for the porn? Ah, nevermind, the game's starting.


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[Assistant] This version is the same style game as the NES, but it's not the same game. But in this version, when you go into buildings, it switches to this pretty impressive 3D mode. And here you get rocket launchers to fucking blow up raptors and spitters, oh Grant! Dr. Alan Grant, oh you. But look, a computer!


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[Assistant] It's annoying how I have to bend down to pick things up in this game. Why can't I just walk over them? I guess this is how you get a view of that ass.


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[Assistant] You don't have to save the other characters, they just talk to you with these giant cards that take up the whole screen.


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[Assistant] Uh, raptors are breeding, uh, uh, collect all their eggs, or they will, uh, hatch. Once again, I have some appreciation for what this game is going for, but back in the days of the console wars, I would use Jurassic Park as an example of why I was Team Genesis. Look at these graphics!


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[Assistant] Ocean really liked this format because they also brought it over to the Amiga as well. I don't know if this is the game or the ROM, but look at this screen drift! I've never seen anything like that before. Another crashed Jeep for ya!


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[Assistant] Where the fuck do I go? Also, where's my hat? I can't be Grant without my hat. Something needs to float down after the T-Rex eats me.


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[Assistant] Seriously, no button seems to jump. Where the fuck am I supposed to go? Oh, you could just kinda walk up these smaller walls? Well, fuck me. I'm wandering around with no idea what the fuck to do here. I don't think I'm collecting eggs this time. I think I'm just looking for key cards to open doors and gates and shit. I don't know, at least I get to kill more Triceratopses. This version sucks.


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[Assistant] Like Genesis, Super Nintendo's Jurassic Park also got a sequel before the movie did, and this one has an evil organization called BIASIN. These are the guys who sent a registered sex offender to steal embryos.


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[Assistant] My god, this cartoon art. Sound is impressive though.


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[Assistant] Here comes the military and we start Jurassic Park 2. The chaos continues.


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[Assistant] The raptors in this game are fucking vicious and annoying as hell. Get off of me! Guess I know how these guys in the Genesis game felt now.


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[Assistant] I've reached the end of this screen and I would never know where to go from here. Except I remember the Angry Video Game Nerd complaining about this moment too.


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[Assistant] You see, there are these arrows pointing upward at paths you can go up. But the very first upward path in the entire game has a bush covering the arrow. So you can see some of it there. That's shit!


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[Assistant] You can pick missions, but everything starts out looking pretty much the same. I don't love this one. This game can go to hell. Shit, I didn't mean literally.


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[Assistant] Small detail, but it's weird to me how the SNES version has two slashes after the title, but this game has the actual number two.


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[Assistant] Anyway, it's another platformer, and it's using the same music as the first Game Boy Jurassic Park game, which is kinda weird.


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[Assistant] Jump over this water here. Ah, where the hell should I jump now? Guess it's time for a leap of faith!


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[Assistant] Oh shit! Grant can live in the water! Not even Godzilla can live in water in video games!


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[Assistant] In the water he uses a harpoon gun, because fuck fish too. These probably aren't even prehistoric clones, just regular old fish, but Grant kills everything and everyone.


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[Assistant] Especially Tricerat- OH SHIT, LOOK AT THIS BEAST! Was I killing babies this whole time? Daddy's angry. Woof. Another head for the hunting room.


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[Assistant] Listen, there's a Jurassic Park game that's even more chaotic than The Chaos Continues, with more rampage than Rampage Edition. Yeah, there's an even crazier game than this. And that's the Jurassic Park arcade game.


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[Assistant] This game is not for the weak of heart. It goes from beginning to end with no breaks, just non-stop shooting at everything that fucking moves!


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[Assistant] This car is driving like there's a bomb rig to it that's gonna go off if we slow down.


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[Assistant] Shit! It's every Triceratops I shot at today! All ganged up to get their revenge! DRIVE! FUCKING DRIVE!


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[Assistant] Oh thank god. I think we got away from- OH SHIT THEY'RE BACK!


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[Assistant] Fucking hell, this game is out of control. It's so much stimulation coming down to you at once, I feel like you need to watch this game with your eyes strapped open like in Clockwork Orange. It is just non-stop- OH THEY FOUND ME AGAIN, NO!


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[Assistant] Even the plant eaters get shot! You've heard of jumping the shark? Well I'm about to jump a brachiosaurus.


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[Assistant] If the creators of Rampage Edition were on Coke, the creators of the arcade game were on fucking acid!


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[Assistant] Okay, now we're entering the real what the fuck section of this video.


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[Assistant] Any other YouTuber would have quit by now, but dammit! The thumbnail said every Jurassic Park video game, so I intend to show you every Jurassic Park video game that came out right around the time of the first movie. But I'm really stretching the definition of video game by showing you this tiger electronic handheld of Jurassic Park. Lord have mercy.


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[Assistant] Usually the best thing about these Tiger games is the art on them, but this one is meh.


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[Assistant] Alright, so I guess that's Tim there, but who's that next to him? Is that Lex? That looks like the boy who bullies Tim for lunch money at school. Look at those guns! Why are they walking down a road bumping fists? Well, you walk and dinosaurs come by and you can dodge them, you can run up a tree.


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[Assistant] You also gotta dodge falling boulders and tree trunks. Look, it's an LCD game. I mean, there's a good mix of dinos, spedders, raptors. There's a T-Rex.


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[Assistant] Where did I leave my car keys? But if you went into this game with STANDARDS, I have a bridge to sell you.


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[Assistant] And if I mention the Tiger handheld, I gotta mention the GameWatch version. It looks to be the same idea, but this time there's a T-Rex on the side with his tail between his legs. Either that or he's fucking the screen. Good luck unseeing that.


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[Assistant] But I know what you're thinking! MIB, I wanna see terrible MS Paint pictures of dinosaurs while the world's most boring librarian tells me about them.


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[Assistant] MY GOD! This is Jurassic Park Paint and Activity Center, a DOS CD from 1994. We're not even scratching the bottom of the barrel now. If the barrel is here, we're about here.


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[Assistant] Don't fall asleep on me, we still have two more games after this.


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[Assistant] Yeah, so this game is sort of a Mario Paint deal with drawing and coloring and sound making, and now I'm about as thrilled as this Stegosaurus.


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[Assistant] And this is an online game, Jurassic Park the Ride Online Adventure. That's all folks!


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[Assistant] This game was made by Universal and was a tie-in with Jurassic Park River Adventure at Universal's Island of Adventure in Orlando, Florida. And I don't mean to blow your mind, but this website is still partially up!


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[Assistant] The game itself won't work, but you can still peek around it a little bit.


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[Assistant] This game came a few years after the movie, as you can see, it's more computer point of view shit. I done told you guys about the computers in this thing. Look, it-


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[Assistant] Looks like it's a bit of a puzzly point and click. I dunno, look at this T-Rex.


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[Assistant] Alright, there's one more Jurassic Park game I wanna show you and it's on the 3DO. Jurassic Park Interactive. Oh wow! Finally the theme song! The real theme song!


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[Assistant] With Bronson Pinchot as Alan Grant, women in wig as Dr. Sattler, and Long Island Ian Malcolm.


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[Assistant] But look, a fucking computer! Yea, most of this game is computer related. So the majority of this is minigames. Like hey, remember that one shot in the movie? Here's a whole minigame about it.


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[Assistant] Minigames and some movie footage, and actors they just pulled from their own families, I'm sure. That's the best 3DO could do.


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[Assistant] This is one of the worst games I've showed you today, and so now I want to remind you that in 1993, the 3DO cost $700!


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[Assistant] That's the equivalent of $1300 in 2020, and that doesn't even include the cost of the shitty game itself.


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[Assistant] I know one guy who actually bought a 3DO, and his name was Dumbfuck.


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[Assistant] In conclusion, my favorite Jurassic Park video game is still the first Genesis one.


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[Assistant] Yeah, that decision is filled with a lot of bias and nostalgia, but I still love it.


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[Assistant] Although now I do have some more appreciation for what the Ocean games were going for. With a little tweaking and modifications, they could actually be really stellar games. I wasn't expecting this, but I think the Game Boy Jurassic Park games are some of the better ones. And my least favorites have to be the Amiga and definitely the 3DO.


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[Assistant] Not much of a fan of Chaos Continues on SNES either.


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[Assistant] But that's just my opinion. Which of these Jurassic Park games did you like the best? Which were the worst? Which ones did you play? Which ones are you playing right now? Should I do The Lost World next?


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[Assistant] Let me know in the comments where we'll keep the discussion going. And to quote my favorite line from Jurassic Park, obviously you're not a golfer.


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[Assistant] The Triceratops is known for the three horns on its head.


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[Assistant] The Pachyphalosaurus uses its head to ram into things.


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[Assistant] The Hylaeosaurus is protected from its predators with its armor.


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[Assistant] But as I gaze into your eyes now, it seems like only yesterday that I first saw you. In that small cafe in Hanover Square.


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[Assistant] As you took off your hat and loosely shook your short dark hair with your fingers,


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[Assistant] As you placed your hat on the table and cupped your hands around a hot cup of tea, gently blowing the steam away with your pouted lips from that moment, everything seemed to make perfect sense to me.


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[Assistant] The people in the cafe and the busy street outside all disappeared into a hazy blur. All I could see was you.


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[Assistant] All through my life I've really, that very first day, many, many times I've said and thought about the first day.


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[Assistant] And uh, I know I will always have them to comfort me.


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[Assistant] As the noise of war beat down around me, but as I thought of you and saw you smiling back at me, everything around me would become silent. And I would be with you again for a few precious moments. Far from the death and destruction. It would not be until I opened my eyes again.


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[Assistant] That I would see and hear the carnage of the war around me. I cannot tell you how strong my love for you was back then.


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[Assistant] When I returned to you on leave in September, feeling bothered, bruised, and fragile.


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[Assistant] I asked you to marry me the very same day and I whooped with joy when you looked deep into my eyes and said yes to being my bride.


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[Assistant] I'm looking at a wedding photo now. The one on her dressing table. Not to see your jewelry drops. I-


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[Assistant] I think of how young and innocent we were back then. I remember being on the church steps, greeting like a cashier tat.


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[Assistant] When you said how dashing and handsome I looked in my uniform, the photo is out of frame now but when I look at it I only see the bright vibrant colors of your youth.


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[Assistant] When a year later you held my hand to your waist and whispered in my ear that we were going to be a family. I know both our children love you dearly. They're outside the door, now waiting. Do you remember how I panicked like a madman when Jonathan was born? I can still picture you laughing and smiling at me now.


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[Assistant] I watched as your laughter faded into tears at my... I stared at him and cried my own tears of joy.


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[Assistant] I'm the red shiny shoes. She reminds me so much of you. From the first day we met. She has her hair cut short now. Just like yours was all those years ago.


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[Assistant] But, it is true, my darling. I do not see the wrinkles and the gray hair that other people see. When I look at you now,


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[Assistant] I remember wishing those first few days together would last forever. Do you remember how exciting and wonderful those days were? I must go now, my darling.


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[Assistant] Our children are waiting outside. They want to say goodbye to you.


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[Assistant] I know it won't be so long before we meet again in that small cafe in Hanover Square. Goodbye, my darling wife.


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[Assistant] And I drew my chair a little nearer to her, and expressed my sincere wish that she might find my company as agreeable as she anticipated. But I'll not keep you sitting up late tonight, said she.


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[Assistant] It is on the stroke of twelve now, and you've been travelling all day. You must feel tired. If you've got your feet well warmed, I'll show you your bedroom. I've had the room next to mine prepared for you.


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[Assistant] It's only a small apartment, but I thought you would like it better than one of the large front chambers, to be sure they have finer furniture.


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[Assistant] I thanked her for her considerate choice, and as I really felt fatigued with my long journey, expressed my readiness to retire. She took her candle, and I followed her from the room. First she went to see if the hall door was fastened, having taken the key from the lock, she led the way upstairs. The steps and banisters were of oak, the staircase window was high and latticed, both it and the long gallery into which the bedroom doors opened looked as if they belonged to a church rather than a house.


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[Assistant] A very chill and vault-like air pervaded the stairs and the gallery, suggesting cheerless ideas of space and solitude, and I was glad when finally ushered into my chamber


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[Assistant] To find it of small dimensions and furnished in ordinary modern style.


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[Assistant] When Mrs Fairfax had bidden me a kind good night, and I had fastened my door,


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[Assistant] Gazed leisurely round, and in some measure effaced the eerie impression made by that wide hall.


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[Assistant] That dark and spacious staircase and that long cold gallery, by the livelier aspect of my little room.


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[Assistant] I remember that after a day of bodily fatigue and mental anxiety, I was now at last in safe haven. The impulse of gratitude swelled my heart.


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[Assistant] And I knelt down at the bedside and offered up thanks where thanks were due, not forgetting ere I rose to implore aid on my father path.


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[Assistant] My couch had no thorns in it that night. My solitary room, no fears. At once weary and content, I slept soon and soundly. When I awoke, it was broad day.


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[Assistant] The chamber looked such a bright little place to me as the sunshine in between the gay blue chintz window curtains, showing papered walls and a carpeted floor.


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[Assistant] So unlike the bare planks and stained plaster of low wood, that my spirits rose at the view. Externals have a great effect on the young. I thought that a fairer era of life was beginning for me.


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[Assistant] One that was to have its flowers and pleasures as well as its thorns and toils. My faculties


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[Assistant] Roused by the change of scene, the new field offered to hope seemed all a stir.


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[Assistant] I cannot precisely define what they expected, but it was something pleasant, not perhaps that day or that day-month, but at an indefinite future period.


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[Assistant] Obliged to be plain, for I had no article of a tower that was not made with extreme simplicity. I was still by nature solicitors to be neat.


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[Assistant] On the contrary, I ever wished to look as well as I could, and to please as much as my want of beauty would permit. I sometimes regretted that I was not handsomer. I sometimes wished to have rosy cheeks, a straight nose, and small cherry mouth. I desired to be tall, stately, and finely developed in figure.


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[Assistant] I felt it a misfortune that I was so little, so pale, and had features so irregular and so marked. And why had I these aspirations and these regrets? It would be difficult to say.


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[Assistant] I could not then distinctly say it to myself, yet I had a reason, and a logical, natural reason too.


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[Assistant] However, when I had brushed my hair very smooth, and put on my black frock, which, Quaker-like as it was, at least had the merit of fitting to a nicety, and adjusted my clean white tucker, I thought I should do respectably enough to appear before Mrs. Fairfax, and that my new pupil would not at least recoil from me with antipathy.


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[Assistant] Having opened my chamber window and seen that I had left all things straight and neat on the toilet table, I ventured forth.


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[Assistant] My aunt always said to me, keep a roof over your head. Mine just happens to be on wheels.


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[Assistant] I used to have a house in Staten Island. I was married for 14 years.


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[Assistant] And after I got divorced, I tried to buy the house out for my ex-wife. I gave her some money for my father's annuity fund. But I couldn't come up with the rest of the money. It seems my lawyer made a...


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[Assistant] I get kinda depressed, you know, if I think back about losing my house and my possessions and...


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[Assistant] You know, all my earthly possessions, including my line of trains as a kid. You know, because I couldn't, uh, afford the storage unit.


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[Assistant] Get up. First thing is to give the dogs a short walk. And then, uh, I'll go get some breakfast. Could be, uh,


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[Assistant] Tea and a muffin around the corner. On the weekends I will go up to Dunkin' Donuts and buy myself an egg sandwich. Little treat once in a while. And, uh, in the wintertime I have oatmeal though. You know, you know, it's better for you. And, uh, in the nice weather I'll hang out in the park by Father Demon Square and talk with a few friends.


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[Assistant] But after that, I'll come back and down at, uh, the Gentleman's Club down there, and, uh, I wanted, uh, uh, what do you say, uh, cocktail, uh, waitresses will buy me a dinner.


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[Assistant] You know, everything was in their closets and tools are in their garage now, everything's just thrown in, it's mayhem. It's too much, you know, it's like, it's just...


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[Assistant] There was a singing group called Three Dog Night. But the words, what they meant by that, they said it was so cold, it was a three dog night. That's why you need three dogs to keep warm. I'm even better, I got four dogs.


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[Assistant] This is my res- family, gives me my responsibility. It's a sense of, uh, togetherness. You know, they protect me, of course, you know. Spot's the father. He's a little over ten. Cinnamon's the mom. She was ten on Christmas. And Pickles is their son. He was eight on Columbus Day. These guys are getting old now, so I'm trying to, uh,


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[Assistant] You know, uh, do some more things with them. I wanna take them rafting down to Delaware. I wanna go buy a, uh, a raft, you know.


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[Assistant] You know what I mean, like if you gotta, see work can't always be a happy place. But it shouldn't be so miserable that you don't want to go. You know, you want to get up in the morning and then you have something.


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[Assistant] Pleasant at least to look forward to, you know, I mean, I mean, I did a lot of jobs. I mean, I have a resume. I don't have it handy, but I can show you all the jobs I've done since I was, you know, I started work, you know.


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[Assistant] You see some of it's scrap metal, you see like those, those, the metal up there? And then there's a, uh, a shopping cart I put up there.


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[Assistant] That piece of wood is, you know, if you park somewhere and it's muddy, you know, like those, it's like a step. So you don't, you don't, so you don't track it into the vehicle.


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[Assistant] The hardest part is not having a bathroom. You know, when you need it. In the middle of the night or something, if you happen to eat the wrong food, then you have a problem. But that doesn't happen too often. You know, I try to eat, I've been eating a lot better.


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[Assistant] I am trying to make tracks outta here. I'm looking to buy maybe a mobile home in Pennsylvania. But you know what it is, when you're forced to do something, you don't want to do it. If it's of your own accord, then it's different. You know, then there's a difference, you know.


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[Assistant] I'm an optimist, I try to think, you know, there's better days ahead. Gives you a little hope.


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[Assistant] My name is Jim Tarangelo and I've been living in this van in Manhattan for eight years now.


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[Assistant] Oh, I wouldn't if I were you. Hello, Florida.


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[Assistant] Uh, hello, this is Dr. Alexander calling. I have a patient, uh, Mr. Cassell.


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[Assistant] Well, he's not to be allowed to come to my office again. He's cured. Yes. And if he insists, would you please have him shown to psychiatry? Yes, that's right, psychiatry.


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[Assistant] Hello, operator. I want to find out how bad the fire is.


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[Assistant] Don't worry about me, Andre. I'll be alright. Just as soon as I get back to work again.


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[Assistant] Michael, it's been lovely seeing you, and, and we must get together if you're going to be in town for long. But in the meantime, I really have to run. I'm very late to the hospital.


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[Assistant] Well, it's the loveliest nightgown I ever saw. Thank you so much. Man, it's twelve o'clock already.


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[Assistant] Well no, it wasn't your fault at all, Dr. Gunther. It was mine for marrying a man who wouldn't keep a bargain.


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[Assistant] No, Dr. Gunther, I did not spend last night at the hospital. I have no alibi. It's a good thing I'm not being tried for murder. Well, I guess it's about time for me to confess.


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[Assistant] You kind of take your hands off my husband and stop calling him Pappy. Now honey, don't start getting jealous.


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[Assistant] Her classmates selected Hillary, the first student at Wellesley, to give a commencement address.


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[Assistant] Hillary had a number of high-powered opportunities in Washington.


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[Assistant] But she had a secret of her own. She fails the DC bar exam and is devastated by it.


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[Assistant] She said she believed it was a sign that she should move to Arkansas to be with Bill.


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[Assistant] With her husband's reelection at stake, she agreed to withdraw.


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[Assistant] She stayed away from the West Wing and transformed herself once again.


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[Assistant] I'm not sitting here as some little woman standing by my man like Tammy Wynette. I'm sitting here because I love him.


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[Assistant] And I respect him and I honor what he's been through and what we've been through together.


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[Assistant] Under the bludgeoning of chance, my head is bloody, but I'm bald.


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[Assistant] Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the horror of the shade And yet the menace of the years Finds and shall find me unfraid It matters now how straight the gate


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[Assistant] I'll charge with punishment this girl. I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.


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[Assistant] Lily Lung Pockets. Written by Claire DiMarco. Lily liked to carry treasures. Sometimes it was bubble mix.


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[Assistant] A ball or a toy. And she always took paper. Crayons and stickers. You can't carry all that on your scooter, said Dad. I can't in my pockets, said Lily. That's just what Lily did. Then Lily's pockets got holes in them. They're too full, said Dad. I know, said Lily. She got some oat socks. Dad helped her to sew the socks into her coat. Now I have long pockets, said Lily.


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[Assistant] Air traffic control does need an upgrade. And yesterday, at the tiniest desk in the world, Donald Trump got it done.


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[Assistant] But I have to admit, I have to admit, when I saw that signing, I was like, wow.


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[Assistant] Donald Trump does get some things done. Stroke of a pen, boom, decisive. Except then I learned...


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[Assistant] Essentially, Donald Trump wants to be president, but he doesn't want to do presidents.


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[Assistant] All right? Because this infrastructure deal is a great example. Just listen to what he said back in April.


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[Assistant] You see that there? A month ago, Donald Trump said the infrastructure plan was largely completed. But then, just this weekend, the director of his National Economic Council admitted that there is no plan. Right? He admitted there's no plan. So there's nothing they can implement.


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[Assistant] It sounds like that. I mean, I was even excited. This was great news. Except it turns out that there was no actual deal.


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[Assistant] There was no deal that was signed. It was people saying maybe we'd like to do deals in the future.


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[Assistant] So, Trump's infrastructure plan doesn't exist. The Saudi deal is not actually a deal. How about the thing he cares most about? Tax cuts.


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[Assistant] So much of what Trump says has happened, hasn't happened at all. And we shouldn't be surprised, because essentially, this was always his move.


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[Assistant] Yeah, there you have it. Trump in his own words. Proud of the con.


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[Assistant] And I wouldn't be shocked if in eight years he's saying the same thing about the U.S. You should have seen America.


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[Assistant] Congratulations, you've been randomly selected as a winner of free Daily Show episodes. Yes, you. To claim your prize, just watch full episodes of The Daily Show for free anytime with the Comedy Central app or at thedailyshow.com. What a winner you are. So much winning.


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[Assistant] They don't have to do this. Everybody knows the arithmetic. We get the annual reports. Several parts of their company are doing very well.


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[Assistant] The Rocky had a tough year. They decided to walk away.


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[Assistant] I mean, I started at City News Bureau in Chicago. We didn't even, I didn't even get to write. I just phoned in my stories. I called a rewrite desk.


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[Assistant] What that taught me was you've got to report and they had a saying that was painted on the wall there. If your mother says she loved you, check it out. And I still follow that rule. I don't think everybody blogging is following that rule.


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[Assistant] And until we tell people that's the difference, a lot more people like us are going to be sitting here telling this story.


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[Assistant] When we put our furniture on a truck and came here, our hope would be, well, this would be our forever newspaper. That I would get lots of gray hair and I'd be that crusty guy in the newsroom and people would say, ah, that's just leg wall, he's been here forever. So it's going to be a little sad for me if it's not that way.


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[Assistant] And saw that I was lying on a long wooden platform that was set on hundreds of small wheels.


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[Assistant] I heard strange sounds below me, like the feet of many small horses.


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[Assistant] I was amazed that these little people were able to lift something as large as my body and place it on this platform.


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[Assistant] I learned that when the little people had found me sleeping on the beach the day before, the king of Liliput had ordered his men to build a platform as big as me with wheels for carrying me into their city.


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[Assistant] The king's scientists had also built hundreds of pulleys to lift me onto it. It took two thousand of the king's strongest soldiers to lift me up. Once I was on the platform.


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[Assistant] The men brought their little horses to pull the ropes.


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[Assistant] There were two thousand horses in total and one thousand soldiers who walked on each side of me.


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[Assistant] As we traveled, I looked around at this strange new land as much as I was able.


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[Assistant] I could see the tops of trees on both sides of my body. The largest trees were still shorter than I was.


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[Assistant] It seemed that everything in this land was very small, not just the people.


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[Assistant] The mountains were just hills to me, and the lakes were small pools.


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[Assistant] Because of my great weight, the horses moved very slowly. By evening, we had traveled only a short distance. We slept through the night, and the next morning we continued our journey.


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[Assistant] Finally, in the middle of the day, we arrived in Mildendo, which I saw was a large city.


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[Assistant] I heard the sounds of thousands of little people running around me.


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[Assistant] Men, women and children ran up to look at the large object the soldiers had brought back. When they saw that it was a giant man, they shouted in surprise and fear.


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[Assistant] And talked to one another excitedly in their strange language.


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[Assistant] Soon we stopped moving and I saw a tiny castle before me. It was no more than three feet high.


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[Assistant] But it was as beautiful as any castle I had seen in Europe.


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[Assistant] On the second floor of the castle, there was a large golden door.


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[Assistant] This door opened and a little man wearing beautiful clothes and a golden crown came out. The man raised his hand in the air and all the people became quiet at once. I guessed that this man must be the king of Lilliput.


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[Assistant] The king looked down on me with great excitement in his eyes and began to speak. I could not understand his words, but he seemed friendly. I nodded my head and tried to look peaceful, hoping that he would decide to let me go. I had not stood up in two days.


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[Assistant] When the king finished speaking, I felt myself being moved again.


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[Assistant] Soon I saw that I was being taken to a building that was larger and stronger looking than any other I had seen.


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[Assistant] There had been a terrible murder at this temple. So the king and queen decided that the Lilliputians should not use the temple anymore.


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[Assistant] Some of the people took a large chain and put it around my left ankle.


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[Assistant] Then they put the other part of the chain around the temple so that I was chained to the building. After this, some men came up to me.


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[Assistant] And finally cut the ropes that were tied to my body. For the first time since I had arrived in this strange land, I stood up and looked around me.


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[Assistant] Alice in Wonderland. Written by Lewis Carroll.


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[Assistant] It looked like a large animal to Alice, but it was only a mouse.


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[Assistant] Shall I speak to it? thought Alice. Everything's very strange down here, so perhaps a mouse can talk. So she began.


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[Assistant] Oh mouse, do you know the way out of this pool? I am very tired of swimming, oh mouse.


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[Assistant] The mouse looked at her with its little eyes, but it said nothing.


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[Assistant] Perhaps it doesn't understand English, thought Alice. Perhaps it's a French mouse. So she began again and said in French, Where's my cat?


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[Assistant] The mouse jumped half out of the water and looked at her angrily.


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[Assistant] Well, perhaps not, Alice began kindly.


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[Assistant] But the mouse was now swimming quickly away. And soon, Ella was alone again.


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[Assistant] At last she found her way out of the pool and sat down on the ground. She felt very lonely and unhappy.


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[Assistant] Shakespeare's 14 lines of poem, written by William Shakespeare. Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate.


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[Assistant] Sometimes too hot to the eye of heaven shines, And often it's as gold complexed and dimmed, And every fair from fair sometimes declines, By chance or nature's changing course and trims.


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[Assistant] But thy eternal summer shall not fade, Nor this possession of the fair thou hours


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[Assistant] My next months in Brobdingnag were very easy.


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[Assistant] I was able to learn the language quickly, and I began to read the books in the king's library.


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[Assistant] Reading these books was good exercise for me because in order to read the giant books, I had to walk from one side of the book to the other and use my whole body to turn the pages.


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[Assistant] While reading the King's books, I learned much about Brobdingnag and its culture.


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[Assistant] People of this country were very interested in science and art. Many of their authors had written books on these subjects. When I was tired of reading books, I would visit with the king or the queen.


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[Assistant] Each Wednesday night, the king and I would speak together, telling stories about our different cultures.


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[Assistant] Truly, these evenings were some of my happiest times in the palace.


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[Assistant] The king's favorite thing to talk about was farming.


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[Assistant] The giants of Brobdingnag were mostly farmers, and the king was famous for growing carrots and corn, which were many times bigger and more delicious than everyone else's.


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[Assistant] During one of our conversations, I wanted to impress the king with my knowledge of science.


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[Assistant] With this wonderful thing called gunpowder, you can build cannons and shoot guns that will destroy your enemy's cities in a matter of hours. With gunpowder, you will quickly become a very powerful king, and none of your enemies will be able to defeat you in battle.


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[Assistant] England is very powerful and I believe it is all because we have gunpowder. The king looked at me as though he did not understand. Gunpowder?


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[Assistant] You say that you use this gunpowder to destroy whole cities and kill people? Why would I want to learn about such a terrible thing? But King!


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[Assistant] With gunpowder, you can make your country strong and defeat your enemies. The king looked at me as if he thought I was crazy. I don't want to hear about this gunpowder. I have no use for something like that. Why didn't the king understand? It was all so simple, I thought.


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[Assistant] It was clear to me that the people of this land did not understand anything about running a country.


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[Assistant] How can the king have a strong government and control his people without weapons and war, I thought?


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[Assistant] The conversation with the king gave me a lot to think about. I thought the king was a very intelligent man, but I could never fully understand his philosophy.


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[Assistant] Uh, we have all been, uh, through the wringer these past few months and today is a, it's a really strange day. Yes. Very strange day. Uh, half the country is really happy. Half the country is somewhere between despondent and furious.


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[Assistant] And you may not know this about me or you may. I'm a history buff. I love American history. And I was struck by one thought today. We have been here before.


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[Assistant] We have had bitter, angry elections for 200 years, whether it was Jefferson vs. Burr, Adams vs. Jackson, Lincoln vs. Douglas, Alien vs. Predator.


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[Assistant] The point is, this is our thing, okay? And the optimist in me chooses today, uh, to be happy that we have fair and free elections at all. I think it's an amazing thing. I really do. In the last- I do! I mean that from my heart. In the last-


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[Assistant] In the last, uh, couple of years, I've traveled to a bunch of countries, Cuba, Armenia, the Middle East, where the people would give anything, anything to have our system.


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[Assistant] In America, we get to pick who's going to ruin our country.


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[Assistant] And it's a privilege. Now, I was watching, and you saw this too, I'm sure, I was watching President Obama and Hillary Clinton speak today about a peaceful transfer of power. And it gave me chills. Now today, Americans have the right to feel happy.


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[Assistant] Angry, pessimistic, optimistic, but everybody should feel grateful that we get to vote, and if we don't get our way, we have the chance to try again. It is a beautiful thing. Winston Churchill, one of my favorite people, Winston Churchill once said,


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[Assistant] On this before, especially that the passive stuff is not necessarily negative.


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[Assistant] I wonder if you've also done some work on


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[Assistant] Secondary effects like uhm, if there's a negative feedback loop that if you see that there's already been so many likes you sort of think that's enough and don't like it yourself or if you see there haven't been any uhm, for you know, this person's cat or their workout or whatever that


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[Assistant] You're more likely to do it, or if you see that there's been a whole lot of comments about, you know, that's a really cute blue, uhm, then there's really nothing more to say about it. You might not say something where, whereas uhm, uh, yeaah, so what people have already done,


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[Assistant] affect what people do uhm, in reaction in the future.


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[Assistant] This is the guarantor's assurance company. Would you tell Mr. Asgard that there has been a slight delay in replying to his inquiry? We have written him fully on the matter and he should get our letter by first post in the morning.


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[Assistant] You speak my language as well as Mr. Rochester does.


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[Assistant] I can talk to you as I can to him, and so can Sophie. She will be glad nobody here understands her. Madame Fairfax is all English.


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[Assistant] Sophie is my nurse. She came with me over the sea in a great ship with a chimney that smoked. How it did smoke! And I was sick, and so was Sophie, and so was Mr. Rochester.


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[Assistant] Mr. Rochester lay down on a sofa in a pretty room called the Salon, and Sophie and I had little beds in another place. I nearly fell out of mine. It was like a shelf. And mademoiselle... What is your name?


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[Assistant] I cannot say it. Well, our ship stopped in the morning, before it was quite daylight, at a great city. A huge city, with very dark houses and all smoky.


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[Assistant] Not at all like the pretty clean town I came from, and Mr. Rochester carried me in his arms over a plank to the land, and Sophie came after, and we all got into a coach, which took us to a beautiful large house, larger than this and finer, called a hotel.


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[Assistant] We stayed there nearly a week. I and Sophie used to walk every day in a great green place full of trees called the Park and there were many children there besides me and a pond with beautiful birds in it that I fed with crumbs.


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[Assistant] Can you understand her when she runs on so fast?' asked Mrs Fairfax. I understood her very well, for I had been accustomed to the fluent tongue of Madame Pierrot. I wish, continued the good lady, you would ask her a question or two about her parents. I wonder if she remembers them.


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[Assistant] I lived long ago with mama, but she's gone to the holy virgin.


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[Assistant] Mama used to teach me to dance and sing and to say verses.


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[Assistant] A great many gentlemen and ladies came to see mama, and I used to dance before them, or sit on their knees and sing to them. I liked it. Shall I let you hear me sing now?


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[Assistant] Shaking back her curls and lifting her eyes to the ceiling, she commenced singing a song from some opera.


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[Assistant] It was the strain of a forsaken lady, who, after bewailing the perfidy of her lover, calls prides to her aid, desires her attendant to deck her in her brightest jewels and richest robes, and resolves to meet the false one that night at the ball, and prove to him, by the gaiety of her demeanour, how little his desertion has affected her. The subject seemed strangely chosen for an infant singer.


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[Assistant] But I suppose the point of the exhibition lay in hearing the notes of love and jealousy warbled with a lisp of childhood, and in very bad taste that point was. At least I thought so.


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[Assistant] Adele sang the canzonette tunefully enough, and with the naivety of her age. This achieved, she jumped from my knee, and said, Now mademoiselle, I will repeat you some poetry.


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[Assistant] Assuming an attitude, she began la ligue des rats, fable de la fontaine.


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[Assistant] She then declaimed the little piece, with an attention to punctuation and emphasis, a flexibility of voice, and an appropriateness of gesture, very unusual indeed at her age, and which proved she'd been carefully trained. Was it your mamma who taught you that piece? I asked. Yes, and she just used to say it in this way. Qu'avez-vous donc? Lui dit-un de Sarah. Parlez.


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[Assistant] She made me lift my hand, so to remind me to raise my voice at the question. Now, shall I dance for you? No, that will do.


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[Assistant] But after your mama went to the Holy Virgin, as you say, with whom did you live then? With Madame Frederique and her husband. She took care of me, but she's nothing related to me.


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[Assistant] I think she is poor, for she had not so fine a house as Mamma. I was not long there.


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[Assistant] Mr. Rochester asked me if I would like to go and live with him in England, and I said yes, for I knew Mr. Rochester before I knew Madame Frederick.


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[Assistant] And he was always kind to me and gave me pretty dresses and toys.


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[Assistant] But you see, he has not kept his word, for he has brought me to England, and now he has gone back again himself, and I never see him.


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[Assistant] I went to my window, opened it, and looked out. There were the two wings of the building. There was the garden. There were the skirts of low wood. There was the hilly horizon.


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[Assistant] My eye passed all other objects to rest on those most remote, the blue peaks. It was those I longed to surmount.


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[Assistant] I traced the white road winding round the base of one mountain and vanishing in a gorge between two. How I longed to follow it, father. I recall the time when I had travelled that very road in a coach. I remember descending that hill at twilight.


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[Assistant] An age seemed to have elapsed since the day which brought me first to Lowood, and I had never quitted it since. My vacations had all been spent at school. Mrs. Reed had never sent for me to Gateshead. Neither she nor any of her family had ever been to visit me.


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[Assistant] School duties, school habits and notions and voices and faces and phrases and costumes and preferences and antipathies, such was what I knew of existence. And now I felt that it was not enough.


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[Assistant] I tired of the routine of eight years in one afternoon. I desired liberty. For liberty I gasped. For liberty I uttered a prayer. It seemed scattered on the wind, then faintly blowing. I abandoned it and framed a humbler supplication. For change. Stimulus.


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[Assistant] That petition too seemed swept off into vague space.


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[Assistant] Then, I cried half-desperate, grant me at least a new servitude.


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[Assistant] Hear a bell, ringing the hour of supper, called me downstairs.


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[Assistant] Even then a teacher who occupied the same room with me kept me from the subject to which I longed to recur by a prolonged effusion of small talk.


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[Assistant] How I wished sleep would silence her. It seemed as if could I but go back to the idea which at last entered my mind as I stood at the window, some inventive suggestion would rise for my relief. Miss Grice snored at last. She was a heavy Welshwoman.


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[Assistant] Until now her habitual nasal strains had never been regarded by me in any other light than as a nuisance.


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[Assistant] Tonight, I hailed the first deep notes with satisfaction.


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[Assistant] I know there is, because it does not sound too sweet.


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[Assistant] It is not like such words as liberty, excitement, enjoyment, delightful sounds truly, but no more than sounds for me.


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[Assistant] If I had only a brain active enough to furrow it out the means of attaining it.


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[Assistant] I sat up in bed by way of arousing this said brain. It was a chilly night. I covered my shoulders with a shawl, and then I proceeded to think again with all my might.


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[Assistant] In a new house amongst new faces under new circumstances. I want this because it is of no use wanting anything better. How do people do to get a new place? They apply to friends, I suppose. I have no friends.


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[Assistant] But for nearly an hour it worked in chaos and no result came of its efforts.


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[Assistant] Feverish, with vain labour, I got up and took a turn in the room, undrew the curtain, noted a star or two, shivered with cold, and again crept to bed.


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[Assistant] A kind fairy in my absence had surely dropped the required suggestion on my pillow, for as I lay down, it came quietly and naturally to my mind. Those who want situations, advertise. You must advertise in the Herald. How? I know nothing about advertising. Replies rose smooth and prompt now.


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[Assistant] You must enclose the advertisement and the money to pay for it under a cover directed to the editor of the Herald.


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[Assistant] You can go and inquire in about a week after you send the letter, if any have come, and act accordingly.


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[Assistant] I always like to kind of get into this lesson with a, uh, with a particular idea because, uh, you know, we're into something that make a lot of people feel uncomfortable. And just to make sure that we're all in the same chapter here, we're over on page 27 where it states, let go and let go. You know, it's a cute little story about Billy and Johnny.


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[Assistant] They were, uh, they were having a little bit of trouble in town on an ongoing basis.


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[Assistant] And, uh, mom didn't know quite how to handle this. Dad had been gone for years and, uh, if something went wrong these kids would hide in the basement.


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[Assistant] And she walked in, she said, you know, Reverend, I don't know quite what to do.


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[Assistant] Uh, these two boys are constantly in trouble, and every time, uh, something goes wrong, they get blamed for it, and I don't know quite how to handle it.


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[Assistant] Well he said, listen mom, you just go on home there, I'm gonna take care of this situation right now.


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[Assistant] And the way she went, he said, now Billy, I want you to sit in the hallway here in that chair. And Johnny, I want you in my office.


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[Assistant] Well, Johnny, get in there and he sat him in that chair and the old reverend there, he just sat back in that big ol' oak desk.


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[Assistant] And he looked down and he said, now Johnny, we're going to start with some questions. And the first one is, where is God?


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[Assistant] Well, Johnny just sat up on that chair there, started to vibrate, you know, in a state of confusion, didn't know quite what to do, blood vessel started to dilate, and he's trying to get a word out. He said, come on, Johnny, right now, where's God? Well, he started to spit, stamper, stutter, whatever the case might be, and he said, Johnny, this is the last time I'm going to ask you, where's God?


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[Assistant] Well, Johnny just up off that chair and beat it down the hallway, put on the brakes, grabbed Billy, said, Billy, we gotta get out of here. God's missing and they're gonna blame that one on us too.


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[Assistant] When you pick up and you read this chapter, I want you to keep something in mind.


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[Assistant] That for eight thousand years, all of the great thinkers, they have all disagreed with one another on many, many different things.


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[Assistant] But you know, there was only one thing that they were in complete and unanimous agreement with. Just one. That there is a power in this universe. And they say that this power, that it animates


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[Assistant] It penetrates and it motivates the entire cosmos.


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[Assistant] And she denied the existence of any power in this universe.


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[Assistant] But one night she was being interviewed by Dick Cavett. And Dick Cavett, you see, he didn't get emotionally involved in the idea. He stopped and he started to think.


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[Assistant] And he was able to reason with her without him losing control.


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[Assistant] And she said the only good thing about believing in a power is that you get a lot of holidays.


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[Assistant] And Dick Cavett said to her, you get a holiday every single year as all atheists do. And she said, when is that? And he said on April the 1st.


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[Assistant] Now if you were to go to the Ark of Apollo at Delphi, you'll see just two words inscribed over that ark, at Delphi. And those two words go like this. It said, no, know thyself. But what do we really know about us?


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[Assistant] And what this power is that animates flows through us, flows with us. I mean, that really is what we are all about. This power that Bob referred to so much yesterday as spirit.


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[Assistant] Now to properly do this exercise, we're going to have to define or try or attempt to define this power.


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[Assistant] But you see, if you define something, then you place limits on it.


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[Assistant] So you see, the way we're going to define it will not limit it. As a matter of fact, it will show that it is unlimited and that it is infinite.


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[Assistant] In a marvelous book that I brought out here with me this morning, called Your Invisible Power.


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[Assistant] Genevieve B. Rand I think put it together well in this book when she said, to get good results in our life,


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[Assistant] We must properly understand our relationship to this great impersonal power. Now think about what she said. If we are going to get, she said, the kind of results that we want


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[Assistant] We are going to have to understand our relationship to this here great, all encompassing this great impersonal power.


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[Assistant] But she said it is these two intelligences working together that determine the kind of results that we get.


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[Assistant] I mean, we got by high, Vishnakrishna, Muhammad, Buddha, and the list goes on and on and on. Rather than talk about the name, why don't we try to define the activity to see how it operates to, with, and through us?


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[Assistant] If I were to ask them if they've paid their hydro bill, what kind of response do you think I'm going to get? Brian?


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[Assistant] They would think they paid their water bill or something. But you see, you know what I mean by hydro bill. But they're not sure what I mean by hydro bill.


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[Assistant] But isn't it really the very same power? Yes, no. It's the very same power.


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[Assistant] Now you'll find this in the chapter on Let Go and Let God in that book and I suggest that you read it and reread it until you not only gain an intellectual comprehension but until you can gain what is called an inner spiritual emotional intelligence.


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[Assistant] What is this power that animates, penetrates, and motivates the cosmos? Why can I walk and talk? What keeps that wall standing? What about night and day? Why is there such order in these cosmos?


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[Assistant] Well the scientist will tell you there is a power that animates the cosmos. And the scientist will say...


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[Assistant] One hundred percent evenly present in all places at all times is almighty and is all-powerful. That's fine. You may say, well, I choose not to believe that. Well, you're entitled to believe what you want. But remember this, if you don't believe in something, you're going to fall for anything. So we can cross that one out if you like, but some of you will not. Well, that only leaves you one place left to go. And if you were to go over to theology, and what does theology mean?


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[Assistant] In another part, it may be Bhai, Vishnu, Krishna, Mahamud, again, it goes on and on and on and on the list.


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[Assistant] You ever been told, honey, if you change your attitude, we'd get along better?


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[Assistant] And the theologian will say, yes, there is a power in this universe that keeps everything in working order.


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[Assistant] And he is 100% evenly present in all places at all times.


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[Assistant] Gosh, I'd give just about anything for a person to get a hold of that or to understand that.


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[Assistant] There has been a select group of people who are the real thinkers. I mean, we could name many. Edison, Emerson, Thoreau. I mean, there are so many we could be here all day talking about. But every one of them.


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[Assistant] Although they had different ideas and different philosophies, this is the one thing they were incomplete in unanimous agreement with.


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[Assistant] Others may speak of it as Love, Divine Mind, Divine Intelligence, Jehovah, Lord, Father, First Cause, as well as a whole host of other synonymous names. But it doesn't really matter what you call it.


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[Assistant] Everything comes from one source and that source, that source power always flows and works to and through you.


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[Assistant] And that is you. State it differently. The image that you have formed can only come to you on the physical plane of your life. In other words, your results. In one way, and that is by the, by law and through faith.


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[Assistant] The, the second part of this particular chapter, uh, Bob is going to work with to show just how faith moves this power into action. Keep these two things in mind as we go through it.


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[Assistant] There are only two words you need to remember as Bob walks you through this. One is order, and the other is movement.


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[Assistant] So let's bring on, to take us through the rest of this particular chapter, uh, my good friend and your good friend, Bob Proctor.


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[Assistant] About six years ago, I was down in a place called South Jersey, around Cherry Hill, Trenton, Atlantic City.


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[Assistant] And there was two speakers on a program just before me. And I've never been able to understand why I'm always the last one on a program, no matter where we're speaking. As a matter of fact, same thing happens to Robert.


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[Assistant] The Odd TV Show, Good Morning America, programs of that nature.


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[Assistant] And both of them gave the same title to their talk that day. And the title went like this. If only you people could see what we hear.


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[Assistant] Ten percent of all life insurance agents on this earth, but yet the man was stone blind.


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[Assistant] Now Charlie Bosley said he has always had a desire to achieve something.


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[Assistant] But he said he never ever left the house, uh, because he was feeling sorry for himself as a result of something that happened to him in Vietnam.


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[Assistant] Then he said one day he was down in Atlanta watching a great golf tournament with the great Ben Hogan.


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[Assistant] And Ben Hogan would get up and tee off.


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[Assistant] But he said, I went through it for 18 holes because Ben Hogan is my hero. And he said, no one's going to throw a blind man off the golf course.


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[Assistant] Now he said, when it was all over, Ben Hogan came up to him and he said, Mr. Bosley, I want to thank you for being such an inspiration to me today.


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[Assistant] He said, you see, when I heard your story, I was a man living in pity.


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[Assistant] He said, I heard about your car accident and how before the head on collision you fell in front of your wife to protect her. And then when they got you to the hospital, they said to your wife, Mrs. Hogan, Ben will not live the night.


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[Assistant] And your wife said, you obviously don't know my husband.


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[Assistant] Now I said the next morning when you proved the experts wrong and you were able to continue with your life, they said, but Mrs. Hogan, Ben is never going to walk again. And she said,


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[Assistant] Now as months went by, you see, uh, Ben, you know, he started to get his spirit back again.


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[Assistant] He started becoming consciously aware, I'm in a bed, my body is broken, but I wanna play golf again.


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[Assistant] And they said, Mrs. Hogan, he wants his golf clubs now strung up on the ceiling where he can see them all day long, but he's never going to play golf again.


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[Assistant] Now he said, Mr. Hogan, you have won more golf tournaments and championships since your accident than before.


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[Assistant] And he said, that's the reason that I started to experience


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[Assistant] A different relationship with all the things that I have ever desired.


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[Assistant] And Hogan said, is there anything I can do for you, Mr. Bosley? He said, as a matter of fact, there is. He said, you know, I'm pretty good golf.


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[Assistant] You know that he can beat many people on a golf, on a golf course any day of the week, even though he's blind.


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[Assistant] Bob mentioned how some people put what is called a crown on circumstance.


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[Assistant] In other words, there are some people that actually get down and they deify this word circumstance. That's what's in control of their life. Well, yet here was a man whose sensory factor calls sight. It was absent, he was blind.


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[Assistant] Well, he got the best of Ben and Ben said, I'll tell you what, I've got some people here, they'll, they'll, uh, their witness to the fact that I warned you, I'll play you, but I am going to play my best. Charlie said, that's fine. I wouldn't expect you to do anything else, Ben.


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[Assistant] Ben said, okay, when do you want to play? Charlie said 10 o'clock tonight.


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[Assistant] You see, I want you for just a moment to think about all the things that you actually desire. Think about all the things that you desire. But now let me ask you something. On a scale of one to ten,


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[Assistant] See, I've heard people say, people lack desire. Nobody lacks desire.


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[Assistant] The word desire, it comes from the Latin word dea, d-a, dash, s-i-r-e, which means to give birth to.


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[Assistant] Everybody in here has something rattling around within them that they want to give birth to.


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[Assistant] Now I'm gonna suggest to you that everybody in this room from the top to the back and in the middle, that every one of us have a desire to be more, to do more, and to have more. But how many people actually expect it to happen?


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[Assistant] You know, it's a great point in history where Moses was leading all these people around a desert.


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[Assistant] And what he was doing is leading these people around and around in circles until he was able to change the attitude or the consciousness before he went in to this new land.


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[Assistant] And all the people, they came to him and they said, Moses, we've got a problem. We have no water. What are you gonna do?


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[Assistant] He said, you go and pray to your God for rain. And away they went and back they came.


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[Assistant] He said, what do you mean? He said, we have no rain. Moses said, tell me where are the ditches? They said the what? He said the ditches.


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[Assistant] If you believed it was going to rain, you would have dug the ditches. You see, you can go around and desire


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[Assistant] All the things you want to be, all the things you want to do and all the things you want to have, but until you're able to see yourself on the screen of your mind, you will never ever experience the desire. Until you're able to see it,


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[Assistant] I want to move over to the other board and cover a little idea that is very dear to my heart just before I touch on the book.


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[Assistant] Somewhere in the neighborhood of 20% of the people actually experience the objective, the goal, the purpose that they started out with. What happens to 80% of the people who start off with this great desire


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[Assistant] This great love to achieve something, to become more, to have more and to do more, to express more and more of themselves.


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[Assistant] In that marvelous book I just talked about a moment ago, Genevieve B. Rand said this. She said that the purpose of spirit


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[Assistant] The very purpose of spirit is expression.


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[Assistant] But it cannot unless we permit it and provide this channel of expression. Unless we give it the channel, there is no expression.


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[Assistant] This is the year, now the season, right now, where you see that commercial come on television.


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[Assistant] And home he goes and the scene switches and there he is resting easily in bed because his wife just gave him Night Quill.


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[Assistant] To any drug store today and check the shelves for the coal remedies, they will be, they won't be too many.


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[Assistant] But as soon as the commercial hits the market, go down and they'll have an entire aisle dedicated just to the Coles to compa- or you could say that is consistent with the commercial.


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[Assistant] Because the season now has set up this mental ruling state which is called expectation.


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[Assistant] This is the season we expect to catch a cold. I've had people in the programs, I go up to them and I say something like this. Do you get a couple of colds a year? Yea. How many have you had this year? One.


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[Assistant] Have you got one more to come? Yea, I usually get it about November.


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[Assistant] Brian, would you stand up with Leslie for a moment? Just go ahead and stand up Mo, Brian.


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[Assistant] But when you met Leslie, did you just say, that's the girl I would like to spend some time with?


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[Assistant] Now I want you to understand something here. The two of them met long before they laid eyes on one another.


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[Assistant] But what you're looking at is the law of expectation. Now whether Brian was aware of it or not, he was attracting Leslie into his life. Leslie was attracting Brian into his life. Bob said resonance or love is the resonance of thought. What you're looking at is love.


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[Assistant] And what you're looking at is one idea vibrating in two bodies. Vibrating in two bodies.


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[Assistant] Where did you get off in search of or in pursuit of what is called your goal? I want you to imagine


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[Assistant] The game, there would be a lot of activity, but there would be no purpose in playing the game. How can you play the game of life? How can you get up in the morning, put both feet on the floor, and you've got nothing to work toward?


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[Assistant] But isn't it interesting that we all started out in pursuit of the objective, but something happens at a particular point. We run into a crisis. We run into conflict.


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[Assistant] And it seems that we run into what is called demands. What are some of the demands we all run into when we start to try and improve the quality of our life? Be a little better as a salesperson. Be a little better as a person, as a mother, as a father.


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[Assistant] Someone once asked me, give me one good reason, Canary, why I should have a goal and maybe try to be a little bit better than I am. I'm going to give you one. There are little eyes upon you when they're watching night and day. There are little ears that quickly they take in everything you say.


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[Assistant] They're little hands all eager to do everything you do, and a little boy or girl who's dreaming of the day they'll be just like you.


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[Assistant] For you're this little person's idol, you're the wisest of the wise, and their little mind about you no suspicions ever rise. For they believe in you devoutly, and me.


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[Assistant] In all we say, in all we do, those little people who are dreaming of the day they'll be just like you and just like me, what are we like? For we are setting an example.


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[Assistant] To those little gaffers who are dreaming of the day they'll be just like you.


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[Assistant] Just like you. And just like me. Well you see, when you're faced with a demand, don't have enough money.


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[Assistant] Debt. People phoning us. And I'd suggest that anyone who is in debt, I strongly urge you to read that chapter on Born Rich. It'll show you how to handle it. It'll show you how to handle it. Now think about this. Why is it when some people are faced with demands that turn into what are called risks, that some take what is called an option?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know the mind is such a marvelous, marvelous piece of equipment. Although the mind is an activity, it is not a thing. It is not a thing. I want you to think about this for just a moment. When the mind is presented with a demand or a risk, the mind will offer you and me an option.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you know the option it offers us when we're faced with a strong demand and a risk is called the escape hatch.


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[Assistant] We are a force of energy and we attract everything of a like nature. Bob mentioned that this mental state of vibration, which generates this emotional state of vibration, which moves this body into action, those three states of vibration are nothing more but your thoughts, your feelings, and your actions. Think of this word attitude.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Expectation can be either a blessing or a curse, but either way, it is certainly one of the most powerful on-scene forces in your life. What do you expect? I'll tell you how to know what you expect. Take a look at the results in your life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Your results will tell you exactly what you've been expecting. What you've been expecting.


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[Assistant] And he gives me all kinds of pleasantries here, dear John, this, that, and the other thing and all the great things that happened to him. He said when I was at your seminar, I wanted to stand up and say I was a goal setter. I am a goal setter. But he said I couldn't do that. He said I allowed the demands and the risks to control what I was going to do. I allowed the demands and risks to keep me in my seat.


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[Assistant] I want you to take a real close look at this report card.


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[Assistant] Because what's on it, if you go all the way down the page, you will see straight


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[Assistant] Mark, I was standing out in the hallway and Mark came all the way down the back stairs and Mark come up and he said, I said, uh, can I help you with something? He said, I just wanted to come down and meet you. You see. So I want to bring up, I had a little talk with him and I want you to give a warm welcome to Mark Dwyer. Come on up here, Mark.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now you see, Mark has the same goal that David Hully has. Isn't it interesting he happened to appear and talk about something I was going to share with you? Now Mark, which mark is your lowest mark? In what subject?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now Mark, I want you to just stand sideways with me here, and I want you to take a look at the board, like just kind of face me. Just turn around and face me. Go ahead like I'm standing, okay? Do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And they start out, Mark, with all the marks that they want in school. They want to be good kids. You understand what I'm saying? They want to do well in school. But you know there's demands and there are risks. You know what the demands and risks are, Mark? The demands and the risks are coming from their peers. Do you know, Mark, there are people in school that are going to stop you from doing well if you let them. Yes. Isn't that right, Mark? Yes. Mark, are you going to let them?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now Mark, you can see yourself not accomplishing that desire because there's a lot of demands and a lot of things that tell you you can't do it and there's a lot of people that are going to say you can't be a member of our club if you want to get good marks. And then what you do is you take the escape hatch. Mark, I want you to remember one thing for me, will you?


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[Assistant] That no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Will you remember that? Yes. No one.


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[Assistant] Now Mark, I want you to back up just a little bit, take a couple steps back, okay? Okay? And stand like I stand, okay?


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[Assistant] Mark, can you see yourself with a report card with A's on it?


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[Assistant] Now Mark, when you go home, I want you to sit down with your mom, your mom is here, isn't that right? Yes. And I want you to, you and your mom to get a blank report card at school. When is the next report card Mark, Mark? When do you get the next one?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you take it home, you and mom, and you sit down, and what you do is you fill in the marks that you want this year. And then you put it up beside your bed.


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[Assistant] Now you see, why can we not sit down?


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[Assistant] We'd say kids in school and fill out the report card before the term begins. We do it in business. We do it in everything else.