[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well that happened to me today as I was preparing the show for you guys and it was the craziest thing. I was looking for things that were happening this weekend in Grand Lake where I'm heading this weekend and sure enough an autism walk popped up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then I look at my email and there's a new issue of travel weekly and they're talking about pickle board on board river cruise ships. So it just felt so weird and I just felt like the stars were aligning and it was all coming together this week. So it was just crazy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyways, I hope, uhm, so many of you are enjoying Cruise 360, uhm, and this week we also have some amazing agents onboard Scenica Clip.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I can't wait to hear about all the fun they're having. I've loved the pictures and everything they're learning about expedition cruising. Hope you guys will.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Put your comments in the public chat here so I know that you're with us today.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But you guys, the month of April to me speaks of spring, new beginnings, and spring has sprung, and we are excited


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To bring this guest on with us today, uhm, because there are so many new and exciting things happening with Viking Cruises. So please welcome Teresa Reed, Director of Business Development for Viking Cruises. Welcome Teresa!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Spending time with us today and making room for us in your busy, busy schedule.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But are you just like overwhelmed by the number of new things that are happening at Viking?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I did, and the reason I know that so well is not only because I looked personally, but agents are posting that they have completed this, this training. And I did it a few years ago, so I need to go back and do the new one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why did biking think that this was an important thing to do now?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Do you have to do each one in order to be, to reach that certain level or, or is, if someone's just interested in the expedition piece right now, that's the only piece they have to do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I really think the other piece that's super important is the geography piece.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, a lot of times we don't necessarily know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where people are going because our last geography class was probably in high school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I really love the idea of, of being there and really seeing specifically where are these ships going, where are the rivers located and what are you truly going to be able to see and what can't you see by river?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A lot of times our clients assume that you can see everything you, you know, buy a river ship in Europe. You can't see everything. You can see a lot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So one of the things that I think is really cool that advisors do a lot with multiple trainings is put, put it out on social media, let people know that they're now an expert that they've been doing this. You've been doing a couple of.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, industry events where agents are there. And one of the things you've been doing with them, which I think is very cool and a great marketing tool is to do one-on-one videos with them where you just spend like, you know, two minutes and you're having kind of a conversation with them wherever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, that's awesome. Well, something else that's new is Egypt. Now, I know we've got some agents that are there right now and, um, I've sent clients there, but we, you have a new ship on the Nile, which is just, this is, this is kind of the new hot destination post-COVID. Everyone wants to go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's amazing. Well, so get your clients on there because space is going to be limited.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, alright, let's talk about, uhm, the 80th anniversary of D-Day, which is remarkable. It's, uhm, it's, it's one of those events that is somberly celebrated and you guys have a special


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, you know, thank you for saying that because I was like, I feel like we've talked about this before, but it's already 80 years. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What a special event. I, and I, I think that uhm,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll be very interested to see the feedback on this, the clients that end up booking this, this itinerary. I just think it's really very special and a really neat way to honor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Absolutely, absolutely. Um, well, I can't wait to see how this, um, grows and the feedback and the response that you get from guests. I think it's really going to be a very neat event and, um, and a great way to honor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really very special. So speaking of things that are so special and woohoo for you guys, record sales.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I think that's becoming almost an industry norm, right? When you see that you're almost sold out for a year, you don't have a choice but to open up another year because you want to gain. You don't want those clients to forget about you or forget about that dream trip. You want them to book it. So you almost have to say, okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're, we're gonna get ready for that next year because we gotta open it so that we don't lose this momentum.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Crud has just come this, this onslaught and even no matter what's going on in the world, inflation, all that, people are still finding it in themselves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To travel and experience the world. It makes me so happy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, and I think to, to finish off the conversation, it's the new things. That's what I think is so interesting. The game changers, right? The new itineraries, the places people haven't thought to go before.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, and that's what I think is really attracting people, is that they are, uhm, these ships are going to places that they didn't think were possible before. And, and they're just loving the idea.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I can't thank you enough for taking the time to be with us today and share your knowledge and your excitement for the product. Uhm, and I look forward to seeing you really soon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank you so much. You have a great rest of your day and good luck with those cruise nights. Great, thank you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Take care. Bye bye. So you guys, as travel advisors, we are inundated. We are presented with so many fun and educational experiences.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And oftentimes it's a challenge to determine which ones we should be a part of and what's the best use of our time and money. So I sat down with Mr. Bill Coyle, our Vice President of Agent Engagement, last week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, before he headed off to cruise 360 to discuss some of the things that you as agents should be thinking about.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When determining whether or not you should attend an event, here's what we had to say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Good afternoon, everyone, and we are here today. We are pre-recording a little piece for all of you with Bill Coyle, Vice President of Agent Engagement for, uhm, oops.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That says industry relations. That is Anita who unfortunately was sick today. Uhm, but we're recording with Bill, Vice President of Agent Engagement for KHM Travel Group. Uhm, we are pre-recording Bill because you are heading to an industry event. So we wanted to make sure we got your thoughts before you headed off. Uhm, but it's been a while since you've been on the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're going to break this down into, you know, events. All of these are in-person events, but we've got events that are hosted by, you know, your host agency or your home agency, however it is that you're working as an advisor. And then we've got, you know, industry events as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, would you agree that whenever an agent, especially a newer agent to the industry, is looking at their options and their opportunities, would you say that their first place should always be whatever's being provided by their, their home or their host?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think it just brings, it, it allows you to meet the people that you're working with and also build those relationships within your own company. And I, I just think those are so important, uhm, as far as camaraderie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Coverage, uhm, inside information and just that overall support. I just feel like that's the place where you're going to receive it. Uhm, and really meet others that work your business, their business the same way you do.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are so many industry events. There are so many opportunities within the industry to, to do so many things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is there a rule of thumb that you have when it comes to how do you pick something that's going to be the best fit for you and also give you that maximum return on investment?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So supplier events, these would be things like, uhm, either FAMS or, uhm, specific industry events like Ascend, which is done through Apple Leisure Group, or sometimes there's certain retreats that are with other supplier vendors.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, there's always value in these events. When would an agent pick this over something else?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With Cruise 360, I love that you get not only the site visits, but that educational piece at the same time. And it's all under one roof and that's unusual to find.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There aren't a lot of events that kind of offer you the educational piece, but then the on-site piece as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's always so easy to get caught up in the big flashy lights, right? These events are fun. They've got incredible trade shows. But what I always try to bring it back to is,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, the trade shows are great, but at least for our host agency, are these suppliers that you will ever work with?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And who's standing behind that booth? Who's standing behind that table? That relationship is very important so you want to be with


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A business development manager and spend time meeting that person and talking with the person who you're gonna build that relationship, whether it's in your own state or if it's a host agency.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, business development manager. So that's what I'm always when we've got these big events that go on other places, it's really, really easy to get caught up in the size of the event.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And forget about what are we trying to gain from the event? What are we trying to pull from being there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Right. And the other thing that I, I want to make sure that agents, uhm, know about is that a lot of these larger events do offer scholarships. I, I don't think a lot of agents know that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so they go and they, they pay, but there are many of these events. I think almost all of them have what's, you know, a hosted program and you apply to it. It's usually for first time goers.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And uhm, you know, they'll pick up everything from your registration to your registration and your hotel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's a huge cost savings. Now it comes with some requirements as far as what you're going to be expected to participate in. But wow, if you're trying to figure out if you should go or how you should go or, you know, I mean, this is, this, I know Asta has it. I know Las Vegas Travel Agent Forum had it. Uhm, I think Clea,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it really is spending time looking at your goals, looking at your focus for the year and figuring out which events should I choose? And, um, you know, all of it has to do with where are your goals and what are you missing? What are the missing pieces? I had this, this conversation with an agent yesterday.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She was trying to decide on two events and I said, well, tell me what you're doing. Tell me what you're missing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, um, asked a river cruise expo and she went last year.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And she was tempted to go again this year and she said, well, I didn't meet my goal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because when you go to these things, you're hoping, and so is the supplier, quite frankly, that you're going to go back and sell the product.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So if you don't sell the product, should you really allow yourself to go and do the next thing or something similar?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, if that, if that hasn't worked for you, maybe you need to look back at your sales and see what is it you are selling.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I think it's a lot for agents to think about. Uhm, you know, it's an ongoing conversation, but I think we gave them a good starting point. Uhm, enjoy Cruise 360 this coming weekend and, and next week and, and hopefully Anita's feeling up to it. She's been going to a lot of events, so that's why she is


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was a little bit of a technical glitch there, no problem, but I hope you gained some really good insight into what event is great for you. Uhm, thank you all for joining us today. Thank you to our overall sponsor, Apple Leisure Group.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Guys, next week we have Mike Julius, vice president of US sales for Carnival Cruise Line and our own Sammy and Sarah from the marketing team who will be talking about social media trends ahead of their fantastic social media fan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, happening on the carnival horizon in May. Thanks so much for being here. You guys, happy selling. See you next week.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, I don't know what happened. Well, and we thank you so much. We know, I know that you are in the middle of massive cruise nights and so you're in between these two big events and so we can't thank you enough for, for


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look at those event schedules, look at the purpose, what you're going to gain from the event, and then see if there's an opportunity for a scholarship.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thanks again for joining us today everyone, but I know you guys will have a great time. Please say hello to all the agents for us and thanks again for joining us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've done, no, I usually don't. I have like podcast PTSD since the pandemic, which is really insane. Uh, but no, I did another podcast, uh, recently called Articles of Interest. Uhm, so that was that. But no, no, I'm, I'm, I'm an embarrassing kind of guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I like to be in a conversation, not just like kind of observe it. Sure. Yeah. Like, oh, okay, everyone is talking, but I can't say anything. What the fuck is that about?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] People were saying that to me before I came. They were like, you know, I'm gonna listen just for you. It's fine. But no. But I'm glad to be here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not, I'm not, I'm not an orgy orgy. Uh, I am kind of, you would not expect this from me by the way I talk on Twitter, but I am sort of a prude. I'm like a long relationship kind of person.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, so like, I'm a closed, you know, I close my legs to married men.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, but, uh, but no, I also think it's just, I like to be, you would not expect this also from me, I like to be the center of attention.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, and so, being an orgy, it's like, too much is going on. I need this to be like a one man show, uhm, where I'm like doing things and then I bring someone up from the audience and then I do something to them and then we just go. And that's fun. That's me. I can't do like a whole lot of shit going on.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That you are the shit. Or even if you have to lie to yourself, just say, I'm the shit and I'm coming in here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 100% high for this orgy. If you're sober at an orgy, you're fucking up already.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah. So I will say, but you know, I think, yeah, you just have to go in there a little bit high, a little bit drunk, not a lot drunk, a little bit drunk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, it's just a lot of Polish people, a lot of Germans, German people there. Uh, so, not a lot of Jewish people now. Although I like, so I- Would you study?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone says, uh, no, I studied architecture before I went over to like communications and I've always been a writer, but I loved architecture for so long and thankfully I did not stick with that because the housing market crisis happened.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then everyone was graduating, and all my friends were unemployed. And I was like, actually, I have a job, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, no, so yeah, my school, you have to reapply every single year. It's very competitive. I was great. I had no issues.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it came down to being like, okay, what am I going to do with this? Am I going to do residential? Am I going to do commercial? And you really don't get a chance to do anything until you're like fucking 40 of your own project. So, you know, something like big that you can say, hey, I did that. Not like, oh, I worked on this bridge that 75 other people worked on. You know what I mean? So it's not, it's not very exciting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This goes back to you being at the orgy, you have to believe in your erections. Yeaah. You know, it's very important. Yeaah. Yeaah. If you don't, I mean...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You said Chicago, like that's, he has lots of houses in Chicago, he's very Midwest.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not Frank Lloyd Wright and his, uh, wife, but I think it was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The groundskeeper's wife and Frank Lloyd Wright. Like he was a philanderer. Oh. He was kind of a fool even though. So then his housekeeper killed his wife. Yes. And then.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hated his voice when he came on and I feel like that's not fair if you know I hate someone's voice. But.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In your industry, I know I won't go into it, but uh, I was like, okay, maybe he's doing something, but then it was basically his dad just like puppeteering him after that. It was very obvious.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It depends if you were like, I don't want to bring up gifted, you know, studies, but I think it really kind of depends on that. But I think when you're ten, you're in fifth grade and you're nine, fourth grade, you know, as numbers go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you could switch one day with her and just get abused and be like, you're too skinny or you're not skinny enough, that you I think would have been.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Theater kids. You bullied theater kids? I, I, here's the thing. I've always been like very funny, very outgoing, very just like, can't shut the fuck up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I don't think I ever yearned for it. It just came naturally to me. And so you guys were like the ones who like wanted to be Annie and just on the stage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've kinda like lived everywhere, like I fucking lived in Milwaukee, Chicago, Australia. Were you born? I was born in Tennessee, actually.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You lived in Australia? Yeah, I lived in Australia for a few years, uh, like three years. Uhm, and I... What were you doing there?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just like, I like followed someone there, uhm, that was like weird. I went there with my mom the first time, and then I like knew the lay of the land, and then I went back after I graduated college.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Everyone has really thick thighs, but then also like fat asses, but then also everyone's very big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like everyone's like 6'5", 6'6", 6'10", those are like very big guys. Did you have to go to a lot of rugby matches when you were... No, I was like, I'm home.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, I have been to three rugby games in my life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't plan on ever going back, so I couldn't tell you how often it was, but it was...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, it was very like boring. It's like, it's a lot happening because there's a lot of fans there as well. So it feels like you're in a musical because there's lots of things going on, but you're like not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so that's where I disagree with you about it being fully PR. Because she's done this already multiple times with like, Tom Hiddleston.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like no one, they did the Papawalk so often. The only thing that's different with Travis Kelsey is he also likes attention.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because all the other guys, none of them want to like, do, they just want to cower. Fucking Joe Alwyn, like nobody cares about him.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See this is, I love that you're like opening your mind to things.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Especially like, possibly bisexuality, because it'll be good for you to get something up there, you'll figure it out, and you'll be like, wow, now I put a shelf up here, maybe a curtain.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What I will say is there is a film called The D-Train.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With Jack Black and James Marsden. I've weirdly heard of this movie, but I've not seen it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll give you the, I'll give you the rundown. So basically, James Marsden used to be like super fucking cool in high school.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Jack Black is this like funky who was never friends with this guy but always looked up to him. James Marsden gets famous and Jack Black's


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whole point throughout the movie is to get James Marsden back for the high school reunion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So he finally gets Jack Black, or he finally gets James Marsden back, and they go out for a crazy night, uh, and the next day is the reunion, but they go out for the crazy night, they come back, it's pitch black in the apartment, and they're like giggling and laughing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And Jack Black goes to sit down and James Morrison's like, come here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so Jack Black gets up, James Morrison's against the wall, and he pulls Jack Black into him, and like fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Full on, like, insane makeout session. Cut to... They're waking up in the bed the next morning. Jack Black gets up. Or James Morrison gets up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, goes to make coffee, and Jack Black's just like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the fetal position sitting there and does a flashback of like James Marsden just going to fucking town.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Is that a big point of the movie or is it just like something that happens and it's like- It's a big point of the movie because the whole time James Marsden is the one being chased. Yeaah. And so Jack Black like finally gets a taste, you know what I mean? And he's like, oh shit, I got like devoured.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it's, I mean it's a very funny movie, it's hilarious. And I love James Marsden because he takes, you know, chances like that. Even with, you know, sex drive, it's funny. But, I think...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you'd be fine if you didn't like, camp it up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you, you- Well you know it's a fine line, because, because first of all I am flam-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, just be you, like don't add a lisp, don't like, girlfriend, like you don't have to do all that stuff, just like be who you are because you're already fucking flamboyant. Also, bisexual men come in all shapes and sizes, mostly hot, but you know, all shapes and sizes, so it's one of those things. I think people who do like good,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if we're gonna give a list of like people who've done gay well, uh, I think we have people like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, but if you could, who, ideally, who would you choose to be your girl? Yea, who would you kiss?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think the man would be Tom Hardy, uh, and then the woman would be probably either Nicole Beharie or Rosamund Pike.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because if you watched, uh, I don't know if no one fucking did, but scenes from a marriage. It was that thing with Oscar Isaac and Justin Chastain. It was real fucking weird. He got his like little willy out in that. Uh, and there was a scene with Nicole Beharie and she was like fucking just took over the scene and it was insane. You never saw her again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I was like, but she's so intense. And I'm like, if I'm going to be in a kissing match with someone, we're fucking going in. It's WWE Raw.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think you could do it. That is what happens. Uhm, yeaah. She's like a very frisky old lady actually. Like she was notably kinda, I don't want to be a misogynist, but she was like fucking. Was she? What? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Have you ever like seen, oh my god, so many people. It's like, it's like when, who's that dude that just dialed, like Paul Newman, when everyone was like, oh yeah, Paul Newman. That guy, that guy's a really good looking guy. Viking. Hello. Of course. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Angela Lansbury was fucking. And she was also, I just like watched an old movie, uh, with her and she was like, she was getting down. I was like, Angela Lansbury.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I, I will say only she only brought it back for her book. Everyone else was talking about it for a long time. I don't think she really talked about it for a while, but.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now for a book she's bringing, but no one's gonna, I feel, I shouldn't say no one's gonna read it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you really think that's it? I think a lot of people grow up with the mentality of their parents didn't stay together. And so now they are entering into this partnership and they don't want to fail at marriage. And so they stay together no matter what.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maybe people don't talk to her as much. Do you think that Meryl Streep is dating now, like, and it's uncomplicated? Oh, like that's why they announced it. Yeah. Like they, or he's dating, and they don't want a fair room walk with someone soon.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She is, yeaah. Okay, how old are we, are we talking?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought we were filming a scene. Uhm. Oh, right. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say I think you did the right thing with bringing up a funeral. I love doing that. I love making people feel the worst when they don't give me what I want.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That sounds terrible, but I mean, like, if I'm going somewhere or if I'm making a dinner reservation, I'm like, yes, it's for an anniversary. Yes, it's for graduation. Yeah, it's for all these things and you get free stuff and it's fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We went to a restaurant a couple of weeks ago, um, and I put, I think I, I don't even remember, actually I was selling, writing one year of my like newsletter, cause I have a newsletter, celebrating one year. And we went to this restaurant, uh, called Oxalis and great restaurant. And I told them that we got eight free dishes, like just like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thing after thing after thing after thing. And everyone was so incredibly nice and so sweet. I was like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm gonna keep doing this more often. Because it usually happens, it happens like that pretty often. I would say there's not really, maybe twice it's never happened with your free stuff.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm also very flirty with staff, so. Who knows.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No. I switched my second year for a degree in communications.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What did I do? That was so long ago. I moved to Chicago and was there and it was a fucking nightmare. Left there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Move to LA for a little bit, then move to Australia. So I worked with NBCUniversal for a while and I moved to New York for HBO.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's when they were starting like HBO Max, HBO, like that's when they were developing that. So they were bringing on another kind of division.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was, like, what they did with Tudum. Back then, it was the same thing, but it had another name. So they brought me from NBCUniversal to here, and they were like, okay, we're gonna create this whole thing. It's gonna be great.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, so I was like only working in marketing at this time. So I didn't start, I didn't start, I've always been a writer, but I didn't start doing like freelance full writing until like 2016. And I've been doing freelance like in-house shit like that. But then I moved and started to do stuff with Vulture, uh, New York Magazine, and I've been doing that for like


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I used to listen to my mom and she's like, you go to college for something that you don't know how to do. And I'm like, well, I'm already good at this thing. And so I'm like, actually mom, that was a really fucking-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Been doing that for a while and now I'm making my way into, uh, the WGA and have some stuff going on. So you're writing TV and all this? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Twitter presence. So I do this thing where I will like see a photo, but that's also just how my mind works. I'll see a photo and immediately come up with like a blog line.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so I'll do it, also just like my funny tweets that I do, I mix them together. And so I do that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's happened a couple of times where like, uh, companies have reached out to me and they're like, hey, we wanna do something with this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And so it kind of just kept happening and I was like, hmmm, maybe I should actually like do something with it. And I have lots of friends, you know, who are writers and directors and producers and shit like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but yeaah, it kind of just started coming together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But for me, it didn't really, I've always wanted to be a novelist. And so I, I wrote a novel and, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, uh, so I think it's right now at 268. Cool.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uhm, but I, I, you read things, especially like Madame Miller. You like read fucking shit like The Song of Achilles or Circe. Or, you know, one of my, uh, friends and favorite authors is Douglas Stewart who wrote Shuggy Bane. Like these like books that are just like heart-wrenching. Sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think people look at my Twitter and they expect things like, this guy's gonna be funny as fuck. And I'm like, actually, I love writing sad shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm trying to kind of trying to mix the irreverence with the sadic.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I guess stories and still make them like fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will only, like when my book does come out, it will only be a black and white photograph, like what you're talking about, but, but, so in that photo actually, it was a photo from like 1968 or like 1970 something, and it's a bigger photo, but they cropped out most of the photo to just focus on that kind of space.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I want like a really like weird photo of just like maybe, uh, three quarter profile of someone or just like a hand or just like some like weird shit that's going on. That makes you feel something. There's a, uh, uh, there is a photographer named, uh, Gianpaolo Sigurda, which is like close to your name, but I feel like it's a little bit weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's a little, he's a little more, you know, realistically Italian. Uh, he's a fantastic photographer and I'm like, I need that guy to fucking do my book. I need that. Real bad.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It would 100% be about your father, and the struggles, and then it would be like just you. No, it would be like you, a little boy. You nursing on your dad's teats. Yeah, do you know that? Do you wanna ask Nelskit what it's like little boys with wells, or does it call it that? It would be that, that'd be you, that'd be you. Just like over a wishing well. That's a good one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you know what's so funny? Okay, so we'll go, we'll go with the one that got pushed back. I do like a lot of satire, even like for Ultra, I do satire. Uh, but I did this tweet with Zendaya, since we were talking about her, and, uh, Jenna Ortega, like, they're both younger. Uhm, and I wrote,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Zendaya met a little girl one day and she told her, don't be afraid to get loud. That girl grew up to be Jennifer Lopez. And it was a very obviously like a joke, uh, and they're like,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, all Latinos don't look alike. Like that's, that's, that's, and I'm like, are you fucking joking? Like this is a, it's clearly a joke. Yeah. It was weird. So that's one of those. Uh, but I think one that got me the most hate is when I


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, I think one of them is when I did a tweet about Olivia, uh, Rodrigo, and I think she had like just turned 18.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I did a tweet about Olivia Rodrigo and it was very clear, like when she like, I don't even listen to her music, but I know who she is cause she's like, she's famous. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Her style very, very clearly shifted, like, after that 18th birthday. And this is, like, what we've seen, obviously, like, I think we're all millennials.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We see it with like the Mickey Mouse Club and shit like that, how they did with Britney from like the young girl to like, we're gonna make her like a sex pot, like we're gonna market her very differently. And so that's what I said, I was like, I hate the way that they make these, you know, after their 18th birthday, they try to make these Disney kids sex pots. That's what I said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was like, called like, pedophile, like, why are you sexualizing her? And I was like, can you guys not read? Like, I don't understand, like, I'm not saying she's sexy, I'm not saying she's a sex bot, I'm saying the stylists are making her that way. For sure. Yeaah. And it's, they were like, you, you're talking about a girl, she's 18, I'm like, everyone is stupid, no one can read.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, but it was very like Y2K girl who just discovered fashion, like Seventeen magazine, like very much that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. You don't know how to break it down. And that's fair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And, I mean, you're tall, so lots of things will look good on you, but you just have to, this would be a perfect rom-com scenario where like, I give you a makeover and then we like have like a fun song in the background. And then, uh. And I do the thumbs up and the thumbs down. Exactly, exactly, yeaah. It's my role. It'd be great. And then you come out and you take off your glasses in slow motion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, everyone was doing cocaine, so like no one really cared. Yeaah. Just like, let's go in the bath- well actually, not even go in the bathroom, they're just like-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Let's fucking go, on the, on the bar room floor, everywhere.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So I'm having a great time, but I'm not fucking anyone.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't smoke weed. I have had weed edible one time and I will never do it again.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have no idea actually, it was a weed cookie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm sure it was. I'm sure it was. Uh, but it was... I ate the whole cookie and it was probably about that big.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'm sure it was like a lot of fucking milligrams. And I just remember like going swimming in my friend's like apartment building. And like I was doing like Catholic. It was really fucking insane and I like don't remember any of it. But my friend's like taking video and I'm like, what the fuck?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, I don't like downers, I'm an upper kind of guy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, do you know what's so funny? It's like, we'll go back to that after you finish this thought. Because I do think it's funny that parents kept sending their kids there, and it was like, the start, the fucking kids who want to be comics. Like, these people want anything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] However, I do think it's not just Justin with Britney, it's Justin with Janet, it's Justin with J.C. Shazay, my turtleneck king, it's him with-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, I think it's just, you know, I, I do think Justin is an asshole, not just because of, you know, all that shit going on, but I think it's just...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The way that you could see him speaking to people and also after they broke up, you know, the way he was speaking to everyone about her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, I think, I think it's insane. I think it's kind of like, fuck, but I do think that's the business. And I do think it was a different time, for sure. For sure. Because if you even, you know, look back ten years ago, and like that, there's a video going around of...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, what's her name? From Emily Blunt. And she's like talking about- Oh, the- yeah, fat video. Yeah, and so-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well yeaah, no, I do think we're, I think we're very good from it, and I think it's fine, I think...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Being mad at someone for sub- that was done a whole long time ago, sure, whatever, who cares.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I will say, I will say I think that happened already, uh, a few years ago, like when she was first like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It really depends on how much you like the person or how much like, how, not to bring up the slap again, but,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think, you know, someone like Will Smith, who has had a very long career of not doing anything wrong, you know, just being like a very stand-up guy, and then he slaps someone on national TV and everyone wants to call you like a monster, uh, and Judd Apatow is like, he could have killed him!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He just like looks and he's like not wearing glasses and just says la la land. And then people come out, they're like, no. It was like a very like great white savior moment for white people because they were like, we are actually, we're allies. Oh yeah. Even though this says ally, but it's, they were allies that moment because they were like, they could have just said nothing. Yeah. And then just like la la land win. But they were like, it was moonlight. So you guys carry that for like two years. Yeah. You see moonlight? I did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was open to interpretation. I think they should just like fucking clap cheeks, but, you know, I don't- Imagine for the credit sequence it was just-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. You know, visit such and such. You know, come here, we have these things. That makes sense. But like, yeaah. I don't know about that. It's sad. It's weird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And you know that they're behind the scenes of like, haha, I told them. Like, it's like, no, you look so fucking insane. Like this is crazy actually. But I know that they thought they probably ate that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, that's great. Mine is, I just think, uh, restaurants are too dark. You know, it's fucking insane. Whenever I go, I'm out to eat at this new restaurant that's vibes, lots of vibes, and the food's gonna be shit. Anyway, I already know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's so fucking dark, I can't see anything, and I already can't see, but I should be able to see whatever like fucking pasta I'm paying $37 for. It's too dark, and I shouldn't as a customer have to be like a 70 year old that you, actually sorry, 95 year old that you would want to kiss.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To be like, hey, can you guys turn up the fucking lights? I can't read the menu.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, it's insane, it's insane, and I shouldn't have to do that as someone who is hot and sexy and paying money here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, actually there's been like a lot of them. Uh, what was the last one I went to that was like that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my god, it was new. It's like little some fucking guy. I don't know. It was Italian. But anyways, uh, there's a lot, a lot of them are like that now. Uh, Kuchina Alba.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, that's one. They're all like these Italian restaurants. You need to fix that before you fix genocide, I will say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There can't be, you know, darkness without light and all that stuff he said, but yeaah, it's fucking up the restaurant, it's fucking up the vibe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, and then when she was in her prime, when she was in her prime, it was fucking, it was top 5 for sure, 100%. They have a weapon?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, like full gun, like, it was insane, it was insane, and it ruined the rest of my night, because me and my friends had like ball service after. I was like, ugh, this is so annoying, and you have to call the cops when it took forever, but no, uhm, I am just thankful that I've never had


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Something so terrible happened to me, or like have been going through something that was so bad, that I had to bleach my hair blonde.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I feel like everyone goes through shit, and they're like, that is gonna fix me. And it doesn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, especially like gay people. They're like, that's gonna, that's gonna help me with my daddy issues. It's gonna help me with my breakup. It's gonna help me, you know, because I can't fucking...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, do you know who you probably thought you were? Have you ever seen Life as a House with Hayden, not Hayden Pantier, Hayden Christensen? No, I haven't seen it. It's a fucking great movie. Every high schooler has seen this movie for some reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All of your stories start out like so homoerotic and I'm just like, okay, you went for a hike.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You can find me, you probably already have me blocked on Twitter, so don't do that. But you can read my newsletter at Substack, now that I mention it. Everything on my social is medium-sizedmeach, so you can find me there. But yea, read, subscribe, all that shit. Medium-sizedmeach on TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, everything.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wait, how old is your dad? Is that his, is it old enough for Russell? No, no. He's like 30 years too young.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Goldie, where are you? Oh no, I better go back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yet I am so sorry. Oh, Jane love, I do apologize if I've said anything unwise, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, you know, I'm just out here working. Uh huh. You know, got a project coming up. Out here working by linking with Chuck. Cook up that fire, you know. Okay. Check English, you know, it's the big homie.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, what shit. You know, he one of the niggas that nigga looked up to on his music shit. Right. You know what I'm saying?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I put a lot into it. You know what I'm saying? I started taking myself more seriously as an artist, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what that mean? Y'all be black, you know what I'm sayin'? Man, the best thing she cooked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I just want to paint that picture and like give the listener, you know what I'm saying, paint the picture for them walking through my life. Cause a lot of people, you know, they probably can't relate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To me exactly because a lot of my fans are, you know, probably white suburb kids and shit. They never did that, but everybody got their own struggles. So you break down your struggle, they can relate to it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, hell yeaah. I ain't gonna lie to you. Always in the bullshit. Always fighting. Needing the attention of the class, class clown type shit, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Real shit, and just, you know, if you're a rapper, you know what I'm saying, like, you, you grab people's attention. So the teacher don't like that shit. You know what I'm saying? Exactly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah bro, I ain't gonna lie, shit, A-Leaf is, it's like what it is, you know? Like, you can try to, like, you can ride, like, rise above the environment and go your way, but shit, it is so many loopholes, you know what I'm sayin'? Like, you might not be in the game, Bang, but you might get caught up with the fraud shit. You out there moving fast trying to get that, you know what I'm sayin'? It just, it is what you make it, you feel me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My dad, he was getting money, nigga, you know what I'm saying? Obviously, I rap about him going to jail for fraud, you know what I'm saying?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The cops kicking in the door twice, I'm there both times, you know what I'm saying? Just experiencing that shit as a kid, like damn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. It fucked it up. Cause like, we actually moved out of A-leaf for a little bit. You know what I'm saying? We had moved to the suburbs.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then, like, that's when it happened. As soon as that shit happened, we right back to A-Leaf, you feel me? And this time, it's not like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Under my dad upbringing, you know what I'm saying? It's like I gotta go out and get it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The thing is, when I was younger, I was blind to it. Right. You know what I'm saying? It's none of my business. Right. You know what I'm saying? But like, I seen this shit, you know what I'm saying? Nigga seen this shit, but you know, you just ignore it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But it's like, you know what I'm saying, everybody that's out there doing it, you know what I'm saying, they don't just carry this up like a gang member.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hell yeaah, man, that shit, that shit came part of just Alief, you know what I'm sayin'? Like, Alief is turnt, like, especially like on, like, the gang shit in Houston. It's certain areas, but on the southwest side, we got it all from Crips, Bloods, GDs, Vice Lords, I was always around that shit. And the niggas that was really gettin' money was shit, the gang bangin' dope dealer niggas, you know what I'm sayin'? I wanted that shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why, you know, cause my older brother, he was just, he was like a hustler, you know what I'm saying? Right. Played football. Puzzled, went to the NFL, got caught up on some shit, uh, aggravated robbery. Really? Yeaah. So that ruined all his plans in terms of that shit? Yeaah, he went to jail. Damn.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shortly after that shit, I'm like damn. So like just growing up it's like no matter what a nigga do, I'm seeing niggas, you know, just go to jail.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bullshit, they bringing the canines searching me every day and shit. Asking me about shootings at other schools doing bullshit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean math come, yea hell yea, like you know math come naturally. Yea. You know I get that from my own great, from my own grandfather on my dad's side. He was a mathematician. Right. You know what I'm saying? Oh really? Okay. Yea yea, so like the numbers come easy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Local politics and shit. And then shit like I said, like my big cousin Poo, you feel me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I turned 18. I graduated. You know what I'm saying? Like, fuck it, I ain't, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was, bro. You know what I'm saying? But yeaah, then like shit, I spent like shit, me doing the same shit, like you know, I been


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been gangbanging since I was 13, bro. So at this time, I'm 18. It's like a whole other form of gangbanging. Then like, so it's like from the gang shit to the clique shit. Cause Houston, we got like, you got your gang shit, but then you got cliques too.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's more like shit, it's a clicker nigga. Yea, but shit, we got, we got Bloods, we got Vice Lords in it, you know what I'm sayin', we got Crips, we got Beats, we don't really be trippin' on the gang shit, because the older niggas did.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So, it ain't just like, oh yea, they just push, like, you know what I'm saying? It ain't just like, they was trying to make a better life for it, nigga.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like when the season come up, I don't start like a little league football team and shit. You know what I'm saying? Get some shit for them little niggas to do. Cause they ain't got nothing to do. They gonna go explore they self.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I see, yeaah, I see a lot of talent though, you know what I'm sayin'? Especially in Haley, bruh, I feel like we got a lot of talent, but niggas just don't, you know, apply themselves and the coaches whack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I'm saying? It's just a lot of bullshit whether you go look at-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You go to like Fort Bend, go to the suburbs and shit. You see all these lame ass niggas, they freshmen. You have no talent, but by the time they're senior, cause they got like a velocity program where they train after school and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, it just depends on what kind of kid you is. You know, I don't make my music for like, for like, I'm sorry but I don't make my music for the niggas that got, you know, both parents living good, you know what I'm saying? I make my shit for the niggas that in the struggle.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really? You know, yea, but I got my business right. I locked down on this music shit, like I'ma take this shit serious. Right. Stop barbin', like, you know, big ass marvin' shit and just start focusing more on Maxo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, don't get me wrong, I still move like that certain occasions, you know, still my niggas, but as, but like, you know, I'm independent.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So around this time all this shit going on from 2003 to 2006.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's my cousin bro. He been saying all this shit bro like, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's when it really got jumpin' though. You know what I'm sayin', I like, I'm on it. Take this rap shit more seriously.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They find out about these niggas, bro. The internet, like, the internet, ayy. Pound size of the internet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like shit, that wasn't even like, you know, that's back when I was in high school, I'm 25 now, you know, that's that new generation shit. The internet, hop on the internet with everything. I see niggas, I be seeing shit, niggas get shot, hop on the internet.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hell nah, cuz I know the gun laws in Texas. Our gun laws different. Oh, okay. You know, like, we got open carry right now. Plus, like, shit, whatever you in the woods, the big ass wild boy run up on you and shit. You can't, nigga, you can't, yo, them bushes out there, yo, you need that shit. Right. Plus, you got hunting and shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They gon' have that shit regardless of the law or not in the hood, you feel me? And that's every hood, bro. You know what I'm sayin'?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Stay to they cells, they like, alright, look bro, you know, this nigga might be a hoe, he might be sweet, but he'll pop yo' ass and get away with it. Right. You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Most crazy as shit, my big bro Jude, this nigga man, he, he get out, he come to me, yo bro, I got a job interview in the morning bro, I need to see your call, I'ma have it back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, man, this nigga up to something, bro. And then like my mama come out, you always on his ass. Let him try to woo woo, let him get better. I'm like, I ain't bet. I get this nigga on my call. I tell him not to rock my Aqua 8.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but I feel like I grown out that shit, you know. I feel like Timbers for Lil Boys, bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah. I mean, how many Supreme headbands do I got? I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My mama don't drop in her mouth, you know what I'm sayin'? So shit, he said on Spice Lane, he from Spice Lane, he dropped his off. I'm like, man mama let me spend night with Pooh now. He like, yea let him spend night with the boys. Like, bitch.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Anyways, yeaah, so, I gotta cut his hoe ass nigga.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So that was like Lil Pumpkin. No, Undre was like Lil Pumpkin. You ain't with your mama. You gotta shut the fuck up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm like, alright nigga. So I'm watching these niggas, they got hoes coming through. I see everybody got hoes, but Andre, he over there playing with me. They trying to get on me, I'm like, nigga, you ain't even got no hoes, bro. You know what? Cause I had a smart mouth, I just heard they feelin' this shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hit the weed, but I hit it like a cigarette. I didn't really hit it right. I didn't hit it right. So they gave me a charge. Nigga. Let me tell you, that shit went to my brain bro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hell nah, I didn't know what was going to happen. I knew I was good. My mom wasn't around. I'm with the old, you know what I'm saying? I'm with the older niggas. Shit, fuck it, I'm ducking.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I hit this shit and it went to my brain. I fell on a pillow. And then I got up like, I'm a bird.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like Katrina was hitting, so shit, I was holding his rocks, you know what I'm saying? Selling like little sacks for him, selling weed sacks, we just bustin' it down, it was reggie. Like shit, Nick, you know, with five dollars, he bustin' down 250, 250 dimes, ten out of five, five.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, you know, so shit. He just really was doing that shit to help me out, cause he didn't even need that trap. But I needed some money, you know, our situation, mama and daddy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, when my dad was in and out, you know the kind of money he was getting wasn't really always cash.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You gotta know somebody, you gotta have a plug to get that gas. Niggas don't really know what gas is. The old school niggas, niggas that been smoking, they know what's up, but it's, it's, I was not LA.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, hell yeaah. You always get to that point.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause shit, you can still be in the, you can still be a fucking pastor. Still be in the streets cause you out there trying to get people to come to your church. But that don't mean you out there robbing folks. That don't mean you out there, you know, shooting niggas. Like niggas always think the streets is just, oh you doing this? Nah bro, for a lot of people the streets is family. It's home. It's all they know. I was talking more of a criminal.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I mean anytime, it's not even just the rap shit, anytime you boss up and you on the boss level, you not doing that shit no more. Right. You know? Yea. When you put it in work and niggas know what's up, you ain't gotta do that shit. Right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Niggas that, niggas that out there doing that shit gotta do, they got something to prove. You know, that's why like a lot of like shit, you know, I don't know what to these new hashtag internet rappers, but like they get on, they ain't gonna start doing crass dummy shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So they can feel like they got to rap about it. Nah bro, you know like when I was out there thuggin' I had time to rap.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause this shit, you know, you really gotta treat it like a business. Rap is like a full time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, even cause it was easy, it didn't fucking trap me. It's nothing to run up on and give it up. Give me that, you know? Real quick. For what though? Like what kind of person? I was petty as hell, bro. I was petty as hell. Really, we used to rob the SA's, you know, cause they get paid every day. We'd catch em.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My lil niggas are tryna rob this Mexican nigga. They caught him in the, uh, bayou over there by Spice Lane.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That uhm, it had an orange tip or something. He saw it, alright. So shit, I guess, Lil Jordan said, fuck it, start. He fired off and went, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, give it up. The best get a fire in the back, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, sticky with a boom, boom, boom. Lenny had to get a rock and knock him out, bong, hit him unconscious. What? You know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, the crazy shit, like, I hear out here like they beef. We gon' be beefing with them. Really? How you gon' beef with the plug? How you gon' beef with the people that yell, bro? And plus, like, they beef with each other. Right. Like, cause you know, they beef with each other like that. I mean, you know, growing up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Middle school and shit, we'll catch him after school, you know, be up to Cholo's and shit, on some gang shit. But then like once you get older bruh, you get on your money shit, y'all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well shit, just selling rocks, bro. It's the fiends, you know what I'm saying? Bro, you don't never want to deal with a fiend. They nasty as hell. Yup. Like, I mean, once y'all pulled out a knife on me. Really? Through the gate. Wow. And so- I ain't serving you shit. Whole ass, you know, junky ass nigga. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But like again, like that's like the most annoying part, like dealing with fiends coming to your grandma's house. You know what I'm saying? Shit like that. Now as far as like, like just the weed side, cause I move a lot of weed, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shit, but you know, I can't even though, you know, cause I got crackheads in my family and shit too. You know, they still family. They just, you know, like even like when like niggas be come to the hood bro, like you can't come to my hood.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But there's a difference between a homeless person and a crackhead. I know crackheads, they got kids, they got cribs, they got cars, they got jobs, bro. And they smoke crack. If you homeless, bro, you know what I'm saying? If something happen for you to get there where, like, to get there, bro, it's all kind of shelters and shit, you know?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm about to get yo. See, I really jumped into the, the G's and Gucci. I ain't even started from elementary and shit. You know, like shit, I grew up on gray tapes. I used to know them all on the back of my hand because my older brother, he was 10 years older than me. So shit, he was like all on the gray tape era. You know, youngster, god damn, C-note.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, so she had, yeaah, I was rappin' yeaah. Like Youngster, you know, I used to really fuck with Youngster. Until I found out he was a waterhead, a sherm head. Really?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I always, man, I lowkey always, you know what I'm sayin', used to hit everybody cups. Right. You know, like they lean so serious, nigga ain't just about to pull you up. Yeah, yeah. You know, but I always hit everybody cups, but I really got on the lean hard, like shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] His partner shot him in the head on them shits, you know what I'm saying? Yeaah. That's why we bangin' 10-18 Woodrow Gang, you feel me? Okay. Why? Cause your friend passed away through this shit? Nah, my cousin. Okay. You know what I'm saying? He got killed by another nigga in our clique. Right. And he was on them Xanax. And he was just looking so out of his mind off the shit. But my cousin wasn't on the Xanax, he was the other nigga. Really? Yeaah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Man, I was on hell, yo bruh, I was lazy as hell.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And like shit, that's where I be catching. Like you know, most of the time be like a pistol case and a weed case, little dope case.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then like, oh shit, you gotta do all this stupid ass time for-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Cardi had a show in Houston, so I was going to meet him in Pearland. You know, I was in the Mad Black Rover coming through.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I was coming through the south side, you gotta hit the south side before you get to Pearland. Okay. Where he was at. So I had stopped by my nigga, then when I was leaving they pulled me over. That was really looking for crack.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, in Texas, I don't know, like, this probably new to y'all, the cops killin' me. Cops been killin' niggas in Texas, bro. Really? Yeah, that shit not new to us. Yeah. So he got that gun to me, like, cop about to pop me before a normal nigga off to the goddamn streets.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This might be it, this might be it. I'm like, what nigga, the weed rolled onto my ankle, I don't even care. I'm like, whatever bro, take the weed, pistol, whatever, take me to jail bro. I don't, you know, I ain't talking to y'all niggas, you just pulled a gun on me. Right. So you get locked up and then what happens, you just have to go through the system? I burned that, I burned that, and I missed the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I'm sayin', but shit, I linked back up with them niggas, I came out here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was fuckin' with Fredo for a little bit. I thought my court date was September 18th, but it was August 18th, but the stupid ass bonds company telling me September 18th. So they steady calling me, talking about, make sure you come to court on September 18th, but it's August 18th, I get to court, my lawyer told me, first you want me to pay him out cash, man. He like, yeah man, get your ass up out of here man, you got a warrant.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hell yeaah. Well, that's good. Ain't no TDC time or nothing like that. I'm a real nigga. What's TDC? Uh, Texas is like, that's like the goddamn prison. Okay. In Tentra. Yeah.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shit, that's the homie. I had dropped the song Issues on Soundcloud. I had put it on Twitter. And he wanted to get on it. Sit out there, yeah. Okay. I guess he was with Ian or something, you know what I'm saying? Uh huh. And then like shit, he like, hell yeah, shorty. Seen that shit through, woo. And then like shit, we just been rockin' ever since. One of the few rap niggas I fuck with.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Shit, I fuck with uh, of course, Cardi and Uno, you know what I'm sayin'? Cardi the lil' bro, Uno the lil' bro, I rock with. Just recently, Lil' B hit me up on Twitter.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, nah, bro. Like I said, I'm trying to take this shit serious. Like, I was like, bro, what the fuck I'm doing in here, bro?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, I got this rap shit going on, so I'm taking it more seriously. Like I said, it run like a business.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But man, it's like you dying, bro. It's like bullshit. You know, I'm tour, I'm tour, I feel like I'm still young. Shit.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, I like shit, big booty, god damn, I like women. You a man shit, I might be some nigga just like about you, you know what I'm saying?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] As of recently had, yeaah. Okay. I remember I had met Chuck at fucking Illmore.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was me, Cardi, Toby, Ian. We had walked in, I seen Chuck. I'm like, yeah, woo woo woo woo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know what I'm saying? Nigga, fuck with you, wah, wah, wah, wah. So then he was overseas and they had played the cell booming.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] ASAP boy, we was on the streets, this is bro, I think this is 2012 or some shit like that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He like, he like, he like, yo, what's good? I'm like, nigga, what's crackin'? I'm Max O'Cream. Ooh, I showed him the CD.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like, oh, you fur comb boy. You know, I'm like yeaah, yeaah, yeaah, yeaah. He like, alright, back. Get my number down. He ain't even just in the corner looking like this, he like.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I was on the bus with Bari, Ferg, all them niggas, you know what I'm saying? He came from the back. He came and sat next to me like, yo.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're on your own. I'm like, what? He like, yea, you're gonna need this. He gave me a j- he gave me a condom. But that shit in my pocket went straight to the back.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's a thot walk, bustin' it down, you feel me? I don't know, yeaah, this is my nigga.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's not them. And like, these niggas are being theyself, bro. And like, shit, bro. He ain't just like any other nigga. He like fat black ass.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Outside the condo. Okay. Ask that nigga.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ask him about how after we shot the Fetty video, how I got kicked out the next morning. Really? Hell yea, we shot that video. Okay. Inside my, um, god damn loft.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bro, I didn't even know what was going on when we made the song. We was so fucked up. Really? We was fucked up like a motherfucker. We came fresh from my house, like from South by. We were like, you know what? We're going to be productive and go to the studio.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When in the studio, we did the 7-8-3 first, and then Cardi had walked in, and then Cardi was like, yo, I got this beat. He put it on. And then they said, okay, yo, we gonna do it like this, yo. You from Atlanta, you do the hook. I'm gonna do the verse. Yo, when you do the hook, come back. Maxo, you kill it. It's over. He walked in.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm excited just to be back working. Well, being working, you know, I just be trying to get that perfect, get the perfect take, you know what I'm saying? The perfect shit. Don't force nothing. I want to give my fans what they want, you know what I'm saying?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Almighty God, father of all machines.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We beseech thee to bless and guide this caravan of thy people setting out on a long journey to a promised land.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thou knowest, Lord, that many of the cars are in a deplorable condition.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the shelter of this thy tree, o temporary temple, we ask thy blessing and thy mercy. We ain't no had time yet to build the church, Lord.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thou understandest it was mere important to build barns, silos, and homes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But in our hearts, our grateful hearts is thy eternal temple.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We thank thee for this rich soil to which thou hast led us, and for the strong and willing arms and sinews we which it shall be made fruitful and productive.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And now Lord, stand before the two of thy servants, this man and this woman.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Navy men in uniform aren't allowed to thumb rides. Look, son.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I suppose you know these two smiling faces, Burns and Nelson off the Florida. Yes, I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A boy most fathers would be proud of. Just a minute sir, there must be some mistake. What boy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I suppose you told everybody aboard ship about it. Look Mike, we're none of us angels, but we wouldn't run out on a kid and leave him to starve.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh. So that's the way it is, huh? Yeah, that's the way it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now you beat it to shore and take care of that kid, or we'll make a so tough boy the captain won't have to prefer charges against you to get you out of this Navy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You must think I'm an awful chum. Look here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I can see your side of this thing. But you picked on the wrong fella. I'm Navy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm never in one place long enough to have a home, or a kid, or to give the kid the thing he deserves.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I'll even write a letter to the orphanage saying you were visiting me so you wouldn't get in trouble. Then, well, I'll keep in touch with you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There you are. One to Los Angeles. You sure it's all right for a kid to ride alone on the bus? Certainly. We handle hundreds of children.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But are you satisfied? No. You're still a little miss-fixit. Why don't you leave the man alone?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, if you ever tell her you and I am quits...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, but it can't compare with the food they give you aboard ship.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What are you stopping here for? Shhh. Something suspicious. You got your gun? Sure.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes sir, he's the boy, just as I tried to tell you. I picked him up on the roadside, just outside of San Pedro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, sir. What's Steve Moore? I tried to tell her about the dis... Well, she, she wouldn't listen to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's all right, sir. After I got over being saw, it was kind of fun.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And that's why you left Mr. Johnson in the warehouse so that he wouldn't miss it? Yes, sir.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You see, uh, all the boys on the Florida chipped in to kinda give him a nice Christmas, thinking he was my son.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeaah, that's right, the Florida. But what's the matter with the Navy?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wouldn't mind if you steal the show.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, Pottsville's gain will be New York's loss. I mean, Pottsville's loss will be New York's gain. Gee, New York.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've been drinking too much because you remind me of a girl I know who doesn't drink.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] When I went in this morning to clean up, it was about half past seven. There he was, just laying there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hello, Frankie. Okay, she's alright now. Little shaky, but okay, the doctor says. Alright, let her go.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There was a terrific stir over the next two days with comings and goings and preparations of every sort. My medical practice dropped off sharply.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The food poisoning victims were well again, and everyone else seemed to be much too busy to fall sick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Aside from a slight rash of splinters in fingers among the boys hauling in wood for the fires,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mrs. Fitzer told me that all the fighting men of the Mackenzie clan would be in the hall tonight to make their oaths of allegiance to Column.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] With a ceremony of this importance going on inside, no one would be watching the stables.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] During my hours helping in the kitchens and orchards, I had managed to stow away sufficient food to see me provided for several days, I thought.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had no water flasks but had contrived a substitute using one of the heavier glass jugs from the surgery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had stout boots and a warm cloak courtesy of Column. I would have a decent horse.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] On my afternoon visit to the stables, I had marked out the one I meant to take. I had


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But my patients had given me a handful of small trinkets, ribbons, and bits of carving or jewellery.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If necessary, I might be able to use these to trade for anything else I needed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I felt bad about abusing Colum's hospitality and the friendship of the castle inhabitants by leaving without a word or a note of farewell. But after all, what could I possibly say?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had pondered the problem for some time, but finally decided just to leave.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] For one thing, I had no writing paper, and wasn't willing to take the risk of visiting Colum's quarters in search of any.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] An hour past first dark, I approach the stable cautiously, ears alert for any signs of human presence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The air inside was warm and alive with the faint stirrings of resting horses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It was also black as the inside of an undertaker's hat, as Uncle Lam used to say.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Such few windows as there were for ventilation were narrow slits, too small to admit the faint starlight outside. Hands outstretched, I walked slowly into the main part of the stable, feet shuffling in the straw.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I groped carefully in front of me, looking for the edge of a stall to guide me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My hands found only empty air, but my shins met a solid obstruction resting on the floor, and I pitched headlong with a startled cry that rang in the rafters of the old stone building.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The obstruction rolled over with a startled oath, and grasped me hard by the arms.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I found myself held against the length of a sizeable male body, with someone's breath tickling my ear.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I might ask the same of you, Sassenach," said the deep, soft voice of Jamie McTavish, and I relaxed a little in relief. There was a stirring in the straw, and he sat up. Though I suppose I could guess, he added dryly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How far do you think you'd get, Lassie, on a dark night and a strange horse? We half the Mackenzie clan after you by morning. I was ruffled in more ways than one. They wouldn't be after me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They're all up at the hall, and if one in five of them is sober enough to stand by morning, let alone ride a horse, I'll be most surprised.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He nodded in acknowledgement as I rose, and introduced him to Gilly. Mistress Duncan? Mrs. Beecham? He waved a hand toward the window. I see you've had a wee bit doing this afternoon. Is he still there? I asked, peering out


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The boy was only a dark shape, seen through the distortion of the wavering drawing-room panes. He must be soaked through. He is. Jamie spread the cloak and held it for me. So you'd be as well, Column thought.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I had business in the village, so he sent along the cloak with me for you. You're to ride back, Weema." That was kind of him. I spoke absently, for my mind was still on the tanner's lad. How long must he stay there? I asked Gilly. The lad in the pillory. I added impatiently, seeing her blank look. Oh, him, she said.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's only the lad's not got up courage to tear the gris from his lug yet. My mouth dropped open. You mean the nail won't be taken out of his ear? He's to tear himself loose? Why? Jamie was cheerfully offhand.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's still a bit nervous, but I imagine he'll set his mind to it soon. It's wet out and growing dark as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We must leave ourselves or we'll get naught but scraps to our dinner. He bowed to Gilly and turned to go. Wait a bit, he said to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have a chest of dried marsh cabbage and other simples as I've promised to Mrs. Fitzgibbons up at the castle. Perhaps Mr. McTavish would be so kind. Jamie assenting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She had a manservant fetch down the chest from her workroom.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Handing over the enormous wrought iron key for the purpose.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] While the servant was gone she busied herself for a moment at a small writing desk in the corner.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] By the time the chest, a sizeable wooden box with brass bands, was brought in, she had finished her note.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's him that handles the payments and such. Didn't I give it to anyone else or I'll not be paid for weeks? Yes, of course.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She embraced me warmly, and with admonitions about avoiding the chill, saw us to the door.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The rain was coming down harder now, and the eaves ran with a ragged sheet of water.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I eyed the broad back and muscular forearms as he lifted the heavy box with little apparent effort.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Then I glanced at the plinth, where the tanner's boy, in spite of encouragement from the regathered crowd, was still firmly pinioned.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Granted, this was not a lovely young girl with moonbeam hair.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But Jamie's earlier actions in Columns Hall of Justice made me think that he might not be unsympathetic to the youngsters' plight.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of course. You've always refused to work for them, haven't you? I will sooner die. My business is to cure, not to kill. Weber, you say you gave the last injection at four o'clock?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Who's primary object was the desecration of beauty. I wouldn't know what you mean, sir. Not without a dictionary. Yours is the unique privilege of looking after the fairest goddess of them all. The one sublime woman. And how do you treat her? Look, man. Look. Sorry, sir. As a matter of fact, I'm very fond of Aphrodite. Very fond.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, don't be ridiculous. My lecture is until Friday. But today is Friday, sir. Good heavens. How extraordinary. What happened to Thursday? We had it yesterday, sir.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Bear as witness to both practical and spiritual influences. For example, every line of the Parthenon either returns to Mother Earth or slopes gently upwards to the heavens.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Greek women, moreover, were condemned to habitual seclusion, an admirable practice, which unfortunately is not followed in this university.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If the financial requirements can be kept within reasonable limits... I think I can guarantee that, Mr. McIntyre. That's four. Four. Not a very flattering response.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You say the word and I'll run the whole outfit. Mr. Maxwell, one of the chief attractions of this expedition was the thought that for three whole months I wouldn't be seeing you. However, now that must remind me of something. Course, crumpets for tea. Well, think it over, gentlemen. Those of you who want more information can come and see me in the morning.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So it seems. I have very much regret. I am unable to thank my rescuer. By the way, who was he? And how on earth did he manage it? I have no idea. He came and went like a shadow. An invisible bodyguard.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well anyway, you're safe and alive and able to get on with your work. Yes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I like to believe it was because of my work that he did it. Not a bad reason.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It is difficult for people like us to understand the motives of a true adventurer. You and I are not men of action, my friend. No, I hate violence.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It seems such a paradox to kill a man before you can persuade him what's right. So uncivilized.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Apart from the weirdness of such an undertaking, I'm the one who should be kicked.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Depending every age upon the hands and brains of a few exceptional spirits, it's rather hard to stand by and see them destroyed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mr. Maxwell, I'm not a spectacular person. In fact, a natural capacity for melting into the landscape has suddenly proved very useful.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That, Mr. Maxwell, is a gross overstatement. Actually, I'm a singularly weak person who invariably gives way to his impulses.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Certainly, Mr. McIntyre, especially as we shall soon be saying goodbye. Goodbye? What? What else? Now that you've discovered my guilty secret.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, I'm so sorry, I thought it was somebody else. Von Graf. Smith.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Clearly a case of mistaken identity. I'm looking for Jekyll and I find Hyde. Jekyll? Hyde?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Still, you must admit that the English translations are most remarkable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Goodnight. Goodnight, goodnight. Parting is such sweet sorrow. What is that? One of the most famous lines in German literature.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, and I must be on my best behavior. I should hate you to leave here with the wrong impression. I should hate to leave with the wrong impression. Naturally, naturally.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've looked everywhere, it isn't there. What isn't there? Our handbag. It is here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You see my impulsive young American friend over there? I see him. You see the mysterious young woman with him? I see her. Be a good fellow and investigate. What you think, sir? I don't think anything, but I'd like to know. Good night. Good night, Professor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you heard that a very remarkable man had been imprisoned by the Nazis, what would you do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He's just been to telephone to make sure it's clear for you to go to your destination.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, splendid, splendid. Oh, I beg your pardon, how annoying for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To a man of peace like myself, all this seems incredible. But in your own interests, if you do know anything, wouldn't it be wiser to speak?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In the absence of any hint of subtlety, it doesn't surprise me that this rescuer has been so successful. So it's no concern of mine, I just came here to talk about Shakespeare. Perhaps you care to read about the Earl of Oxford?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The fewer people who know where he is, the better. Here, drink your wine. It'll do you good. Excuse me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You mustn't exaggerate, especially after your own remarkable courage.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, I'll tell you a secret. Years ago, I fell in love. I've been in love ever since.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, she's Greek. Would you like to see her photo?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But that's... Aphrodite Kalypagos. The perfect move. I found her at Lesbos. Ours is an ideal relationship, you know. They say no woman compares with her physical perfection. And as for her mental equipment... Well, I tried to supply that.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I've always thought that would be most unsatisfactory. In fact, during the last few days, I've... Suddenly she's become less real to me.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't worry. I promise you I won't leave Germany without you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yes, you'll be surprised what we've discovered about an early Aryan civilization. What's in there? Oh, relics of pottery, weapons. Here? Same thing. And, uh, here?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'll never forgive you if you don't put on your coat. We haven't much time, you know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I should be alright. Go straight to Montagier, Hotel Excelsior. Your father's waiting for you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What particular end have you planned for me? Need we go into details? At least it will be quick. But violent, I suppose. A strange end for one who despises violence. At the hands of those who worship it. The new German God.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why are you sweating, my dear General? It isn't very warm. Are you afraid of something? Afraid? We Germans fear nothing.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Scientists, men of letters, artists, doctors. 28. Saved from your pagan pistol. And all you've got is my humble self. Not a very profitable transaction.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] May a dead man say a few words to you, General, for your enlightenment? You will never rule the world. Because you are doomed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Tonight you will take the first step along a dark road, from which there is no turning back. You will have to go on and on, from one madness to another.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Leaving behind you a wilderness of misery and hatred. And still you will have to go on. Because you will find no horizon. And see no dawn. Until at last you are lost. And destroyed.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's rather a valuable relic at your feet, General. May I pick it up to preserve it for the future? No. I will. How careless of them to have overlooked it. It's charming, isn't it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very well, go there quickly. I hope they'll prove less skeptical than I.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is something that I am really excited to do and I have been looking forward to doing for a very long time and today is finally the day. I am going to rank all of the Wii Sports and what is this Wii Sports and Wii Sports Resort


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That I'm ranking the meson. And really it comes down to one factor.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it's how I feel about them and the experiences that I've had playing against them. So without any further ado, I'm going to get right into it because there's a lot of me's to go, go through here. And, uh, I don't, I don't want to keep anyone waiting for any longer. So.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, this is, this is perfect to start with. Abby. I mean, this one's, this one's pretty obvious. She's a living legend. She might not be good at anything. I'm pretty sure she's terrible at most sports on Wii Sports and Wii Sports Resort, but she's cute. And that gives her living legend status.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so yeaah, I should probably read, look through these here. So we have living legends, almost best, adore, like, neutral, slightly dislike, dislike, hate, despise, and living nuisance. So I already have some ideas of where people are gonna go with that one. I honestly don't even know who this is. Frickin' uhm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Don't, don't know who you are, so I guess we're just gonna go neutral. Honestly, I don't like your face. So I'm gonna slightly dislike you. This guy... His name is like...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Uh, Akumi or something like that? I don't know. We're just gonna slightly dislike you. Know me that I really don't even know the name of. I can be Neutro, but I have to at least dislike him a little bit. Alright, this motherfucker, he catches my balls in baseball way too many times. I despise him. Ah, Alex. Mmm.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] So this guy is like Harold? Is he Harold or something? He looks like a Harold.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Once again, I'm just gonna dislike you. Wow, I don't know a lot of these more of blub blub blub blub. There's a lot more of these memes that I don't know than I thought I would not know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a lot of these memes that I actually don't know, and I'm kinda surprised. She just looks mean, so we're gonna hate her right back. Okay, here's a meme that I actually know. Asami goldfish girl. She was kind of a pain in the ass on ping pong.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She doesn't really do much in Tomodachi life. We'll just dislike her. She seems like a nice lady, but since I don't know her, I can't actually like her. We'll just go slightly dislike. I wanna say her name is Barb.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I don't, I don't know what this girl's name is. This is, uh...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I called her a bat. I dunno, I can't remember liking her, and I remember her from Wii Sports.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Basketball, I was making fun of her. So we're just gonna hate her. This guy is Chris. This is not to get confused with Wii U Chris. I don't know who you are, cool dude, but I'm- I really don't like the way you look, so I'm gonna despise you. Eddy Spaghetti.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now I can't even remember what sport I ever played at East Spaghetti Inn. I know we played him in Wii Party, but I don't remember him in any other context. And then in Tomodachi Life...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He made me date succubus. Actually, no, that might be a little harsh. We're just gonna, we're gonna put him in hate.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Because I think he's up to no good in Tomodachi life.