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[Assistant] Adrenaline prompts an increase in the heart and breathing rate to get blood and oxygen to the muscles of the arms and legs.


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[Assistant] This also sends oxygen to the brain, making it more alert and responsive.


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[Assistant] The changes to blood flow cause lightheadedness and numbness in the hands and feet.


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[Assistant] A panic attack usually peaks within 10 minutes. Then the prefrontal cortex takes over from the amygdala and stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system.


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[Assistant] This triggers the release of a hormone called acetylcholine.


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[Assistant] The decreases the heart rate and gradually winds down the panic attack.


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[Assistant] In a panic attack, the body's perception of danger is enough to trigger the response we would have to a real threat. And then some.


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[Assistant] We don't know for sure why this happens, but sometimes cues in the environment that remind us of traumatic past experience can trigger a panic attack.


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[Assistant] Panic attacks can be part of anxiety disorders like PTSD, social anxiety disorder, OCD, and generalized anxiety disorder.


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[Assistant] Recurring panic attacks, frequent worry about new attacks, and behavioural changes to avoid panic attacks can lead to a diagnosis of a panic disorder.


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[Assistant] The two main treatments for panic disorder are antidepressant medication and cognitive behavioural therapy, or CBT. Both have about a 40% response rate.


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[Assistant] However, antidepressant medications carry some side effects, and 50% of people relapse when they stop taking them.


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[Assistant] The goal of CBT treatment for panic disorder is to help people learn and practice concrete tools to exert physical and in turn mental control.


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[Assistant] Over the sensations and thoughts associated with a panic attack.


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[Assistant] CBT begins with an explanation of the physiological causes of a panic attack, followed by breath and muscle exercises designed to help people consciously control breathing patterns.


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[Assistant] Next comes cognitive restructuring, which involves identifying and changing the thoughts that are common during attacks, such as believing you'll stop breathing, have a heart attack, or die, and replacing them with more accurate thoughts.


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[Assistant] The next stage of treatment is exposure to the bodily sensations and situations that typically trigger a panic attack.


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[Assistant] The goal is to change the belief through experience that these sensations and situations are dangerous. Even after CBT, taking these steps isn't easy in the grip of an attack.


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[Assistant] But with practice, these tools can both prevent and deescalate attacks and ultimately reduce the hold of panic on a person's life.


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[Assistant] Outside formal therapy, many panickers find relief from the same beliefs CBT aims to instill.


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[Assistant] And recognizing them is the first step in preventing them.


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[Assistant] Panic attacks can be a common symptom for those suffering from mental health disorders like PTSD and OCD.


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[Assistant] Roger. Beginning GN Drive replacement.


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[Assistant] Why can't you use phones on planes? Cause phones can fall out of the window. Nah.


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[Assistant] It might be because portable electronic devices like cell phones and tablets emit radio signals. These signals can interfere with the flight controls. They may also disrupt the communication with the air traffic controllers on the ground. Besides this, cellular towers are miles below the airplane.


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[Assistant] This can increase the possibility of causing interference with the airplane electronic equipment Really?


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[Assistant] Also, don't forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel.


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[Assistant] Why can't we smell and taste when we have a cold? Cause we become lazy. Nah.


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[Assistant] Our nose has specialized olfactory receptors covered in a thin layer of mucus. In normal conditions, the odorants released from food or perfume diffuse through the mucus and get transported to the receptors, activating them and thus allowing us to smell.


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[Assistant] But, why can't we even taste?


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[Assistant] When we chew food, specialized gustatory receptors in our tongue tell us whether the food is sweet or salty.


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[Assistant] No. Smell of old books is basically because of paper and ink in those books. Paper is primarily made up of wood. Wood is made up of organic compounds like cellulose and lignin.


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[Assistant] Nah. VOCs stand for Volatile Organic Compounds.


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[Assistant] These compounds easily vaporize and mix in the air, thus forming the smell of old books. Now, there are different types of VOCs. A volatile organic compound called vanillin gives vanilla-like smell. Another VOC, benzaldehyde, gives almond-like smell.


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[Assistant] Ethylbenzene gives a sweet smell. In short, the combination of various compounds makes old books smell so good. Topic Rank.


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[Assistant] Maybe it applies a special perfume. Nah. Rain is just water and water doesn't have any smell. Yeah dude, so what's that smell?


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[Assistant] The distinctive smell which frequently accompanies the first rain after a dry weather is scientifically called petrichor. It basically comes from plants and bacteria called actinomycetes which live in the soil. Now during a long dry spell, the plants release oils into the soil to block other seeds from germinating.


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[Assistant] Whereas the actinomycetes produce a chemical called geosmin. Now when rain hits the ground,


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[Assistant] Dude, I don't have a nose, so how will I know?


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[Assistant] At the back of our nose, there is a tissue called olfactory epithelium. It is covered with mucus.


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[Assistant] This tissue has specialized neurons called olfactory receptor neurons. There are about 40 million olfactory receptor neurons. These neurons are chemoreceptors. That is, neurons which detect chemicals.


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[Assistant] Now, when any substance releases its smell or odor, the odor consists of chemicals. When we breathe in, these chemicals enter our nose.


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[Assistant] The assembly has decided to place the federal security agency under the direct control of the autonomous peacekeeping force. We now have some 40 million soldiers.


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[Assistant] The establishment of this force could not have occurred without VEDA's information control capabilities.


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[Assistant] Come on guys, hustle, hustle. Down the front high, alright, alright.


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[Assistant] My secret is my mother-in-law, she hates cauliflower and I tricked her into trying it and she ended up thinking it was delicious because it's covered in all that other cheeky goodness on the top.


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[Assistant] I reckon I've eaten about a million dumplings, but I think I've probably only made a couple of hundred, and in nine years as well. So, I mean, he's got it on me, that's for sure.


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[Assistant] My dish is inspired by Thai flavours. It should be quite cold and sweet and sour and really hot at the same time. I have made this before, yeah. It's a really nice little palate cleanser or actually a really nice way to kind of enter into another savoury course as well.


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[Assistant] The dish that I'm cooking is mint and lime salad. A little under the pump, but I think I've got it together. I think I'm gonna get there.


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[Assistant] Very good. Once they make contact, have everyone take their stations.


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[Assistant] End of the line! Don't move, subject E57.


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[Assistant] It's Celestial Beans Spaceship, ma'am! All cannons! Fire!


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[Assistant] It's so inspiring knowing that the Secret Chef is a former contestant. You know, one day I could be down there cooking against a Master Chef contestant in Season 20.


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[Assistant] Your challenge is to create a four course Italian menu.


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[Assistant] Lesson 48. Planning a share portfolio. First listen and then answer the following question. How does the older investor differ in his approach to investment from the younger investor?


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[Assistant] There is no shortage of tipsters around offering get rich quick opportunities


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[Assistant] But if you are a serious private investor, leave the Las Vegas mentality to those with money to fritter


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[Assistant] The serious investor needs a proper portfolio, a well-planned selection of investments, with a definite structure and a clear aim


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[Assistant] But exactly how does a newcomer to the stock market go about achieving that?


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[Assistant] Well, if you go to five reputable stockbrokers and ask them what you should do with your money, you're likely to get five different answers, even if you give all the relevant information about your age, family, finances and what you want from your investments.


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[Assistant] Moral? There is no one, right, way to structure a portfolio


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[Assistant] However, there are undoubtedly some wrong ways, and you can be sure that none of our five advisors would have suggested sinking all, or perhaps any, of your money into periwigs.


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[Assistant] So what should you do? We'll assume that you have sorted out the basics. Like mortgages, pensions, insurance and access to sufficient cash reserves


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[Assistant] For instance, if you are older you have less time to recover from any major losses, and you may well wish to boost your pension income


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[Assistant] So preserving your capital and generating extra income are your main priorities


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[Assistant] In this case, you'd probably construct a portfolio with some shares, but not high-risk ones, along with guilts, cash deposits, and perhaps convertibles or the income shares of split capital investment trusts.


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[Assistant] If you are younger and in a solid financial position, you may decide to take an aggressive approach


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[Assistant] But only if you're blessed with a sanguine disposition and won't suffer sleepless nights


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[Assistant] If you recognize yourself in this description, you might include a couple of heady growth stocks in your portfolio, alongside your more pedestrian investments


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[Assistant] Once you have decided on your investment aims you can then decide where to put your money


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[Assistant] The golden rule here is spread your risk. If you put all of your money into Periwigs International, you're setting yourself up as a hostage to fortune


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[Assistant] I've got my polyblot puree done. Now it's time to start on my fish.


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[Assistant] There's always gonna be a risk of cooking something like a delicate fish in a sandwich press because there can be so much heat applied to it and you don't really know until you open that lid but that snap it has to be cooked perfectly.


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[Assistant] It's time to plate. I've got my puree. I've got the soft flaky fish. But then I've left a little bit of bite in those pickled vegetables just to sort of lift the dish. I can almost see that pin glowing on my chest. I'm hoping that this one is mine.


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[Assistant] I've made snapper, cauliflower and pickled vegetables.


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[Assistant] Sometimes the simple things can be difficult when we're speaking English. And in this lesson today we're going to be talking about the different ways of telling people that you don't really understand what they're saying, or that maybe they're not...


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[Assistant] Being very clear. We want to be able to do this in a polite way without sounding rude. And that's what the lesson today is all about. Let's do it.


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[Assistant] It can be difficult sometimes to tell people that we don't understand what they're saying, uhm, sometimes just saying I don't understand.


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[Assistant] Aspects to the lesson also. And remember if you do want to learn pronunciation with me, learn the British accent and how to reduce your accent, then you can join my course, the link's in the description below, etjenglish.com.


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[Assistant] Let me first start off by giving you the most common way of saying that we don't understand something or that maybe something wasn't clear enough and we need them to repeat themselves. It's actually just one word, but it's how we use the intonation that makes the word special.


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[Assistant] So there are two ways that I could say this word, and it would mean two different things. I could say, Sorry. Or I could say, Sorry.


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[Assistant] Now you tell me, number one or number two, what do you think sounds more like we're unsure? Number one, sorry. Or number two, sorry.


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[Assistant] Hopefully you were thinking number two. That is actually a questioning tone that we're using. We're doing a down up tone. Sorry, sorry.


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[Assistant] Practice with me, go down with your voice, and then raise the tone back up. Sorry? Sorry?


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[Assistant] Now what this does is it raises uncertainty in your tone. It makes you sound like you're not very sure about something. Now if you say, sorry,


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[Assistant] Now this shows more emotion, more feeling, so using an up-down tone, sorry, wouldn't work. If we're trying to show that we're questioning or we're unsure or confused about something, we will usually do what we call a down-up tone on the important word. So in this situation, sorry, sorry.


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[Assistant] Down up tone. Now you've learnt possibly the most native way of telling someone that we don't understand. All we have to do is say the word sorry and do a down up tone.


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[Assistant] Sorted. Now you can combine this with all of the phrases I tell you today. So any of the phrases I teach you today, you can begin with the word sorry, sorry, and then say something else. And some of these things I'm going to say now are things you could say with the word sorry.


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[Assistant] Next, I want to talk about these two words, get it. Now to get it, to get something, means that you understand. Let's say you're explaining something to someone, you could say, so do you get it?


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[Assistant] And that means, do you understand? Do you, have you followed me throughout what I've been saying? Do you understand? Okay, so if you don't understand, you could say, I don't get it. I don't get it.


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[Assistant] Now, if we're saying we don't get it, that simply means I don't understand. You could then follow with, for example, could you repeat that please? So, here's a full sentence. Sorry, I don't get it. Could you repeat that please?


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[Assistant] Okay, so that's making it a bit more formal and for us to instruct our listener that we need them to kind of repeat again so that we can take in all of the information.


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[Assistant] So in terms of pronunciation here, listen to which t's I pronounce the letter t. So, sorry, I don't get it.


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[Assistant] Now I'm not pronouncing the T at the end of don't. I'm not saying I don't get it. Okay, because that's just a bit too much for me.


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[Assistant] I'm not saying you have to, uhm, but it's quite difficult to pronounce all of the t's all of the time, and that's why not many British people actually do that. So we would say, I don't get it. The reason why I'm pronouncing the t in get is because it finishes with a t, which is a consonant, and the next word, it, begins with a vowel.


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[Assistant] Now the next one I'm going to give you is slightly informal. You would use this with friends, uhm, you probably wouldn't say this to your boss if they were trying to explain something to you, just because it can seem a little bit rude.


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[Assistant] It's another kind of native slang style expression, and what it is, is... What are you on about? What are you on about? What are you on about?


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[Assistant] To be on about something means to be talking about something. So for example, I could say, I was talking to my dad the other day and he was on about his holiday he recently had with my mum in Spain.


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[Assistant] Okay, so that would mean he was talking to me about this. So if you're going on about something, then that means you're talking about something. So if I said to someone,


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[Assistant] What are you on about? That basically means what are you talking about?


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[Assistant] We would usually, again, say this in a kind of a more informal situation, and it's generally to show that we just don't have any clue what they are talking about. It just doesn't make sense. I want to mention the word are here because too many of my students who join my course aren't using what we call function words.


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[Assistant] Now the word are isn't being pronounced in its true form. I'm not saying what are you on about. I'm saying what are you on about? What are.


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[Assistant] Water. Sounds a bit like water, right? But don't confuse it, because one is what, and one is war. So we're pronouncing R as uh, if I said it really slowly. What-uh. But we need to say what-uh. What do you want about?


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[Assistant] Now, the reason why is because the word are is not important in this sentence. And this happens a lot in sentences in English. We will relax words which are not important. And this is one situation. So, what are you on about? We're also joining you and on with a W.


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[Assistant] So on essentially in this situation just means talking. Remember it's informal. Now if you want to go with a more formal option,


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[Assistant] It's pretty simple. You've probably used this before, but if you haven't, you definitely need to use this in more formal situations. Uh, you could say, could you repeat that please? I'm not saying can you repeat that please? Which also is absolutely fine, but a lot of the time in British English, we will replace the word can with could.


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[Assistant] The reason why is because it makes it sound even more formal, and uh, makes it sound less like a demand. So, could you repeat that please? Now you can say can you repeat that please if you want, it's entirely up to you. So, sorry. Could you repeat that please? And a few extras. Another formal one. I don't quite follow.


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[Assistant] Meaning, I'm not really following what you're saying, I'm not able to keep up with you. You might follow this one with, would you mind slowing down? Or would you mind repeating that?


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[Assistant] Would you mind is just a polite way of saying could you again. So, sorry, I don't quite follow. Would you mind repeating that again, please? Another one? This one's a little bit informal, but it's not too informal. It's kind of in the middle ground, which is... What was that?


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[Assistant] And that's just simply saying, what did you say? And finally, if you want to use more of an interjection style, you could just say, eh?


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[Assistant] Eh? Again we're using this down up tone because it's the tone which shows confusion or misunderstanding. Eh? Eh?


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[Assistant] So that's basically just means what. It's a good one, and it's used by a lot of people. My dad uses it all of the time, but again, this is informal, okay? Eh? Or even, huh?


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[Assistant] So you could, you can vary with different interjections and different sounds, but that's generally how it works. I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. Could you repeat?


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[Assistant] For the rest of you, thank you very much for watching this lesson. Please don't forget to subscribe, give me a thumbs up, all of that rubbish, and uh, I'll see you soon. Take care. Cheers guys. Bye.


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[Assistant] I understand. We'll have Ptolemy set a course for Azadistan.


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[Assistant] Why do astronauts wear orange and white spacesuits? Cause orange and white are my favorite colors. No. The orange spacesuit is called Advanced Crew Escape Suit. Astronauts wear it during the launch year landing period.


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[Assistant] Now, the white space suit is called extravehicular activity suit. Astronauts wear it when they go outside the space shuttle to do some work. It is white in color for two reasons.


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[Assistant] Firstly, in space, the astronaut is exposed to extreme heat of the sun. And white is the color which reflects more heat than any other colors. Thus preventing the astronaut from getting too warm. Secondly, white color makes it easy to spot the astronaut against the black expanse of space. Why is space black? Cause somebody forgot to pay the electricity bill. Nah.


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[Assistant] Our sun is a huge star, which emits a tremendous amount of light. However, like our sun, there are so many stars in the universe that counting them is almost impossible. So, if there are so many stars, the space shouldn't be black or dark, right? Absolutely!


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[Assistant] However, this is not the case. According to a study, this space appears black because the universe is expanding.


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[Assistant] This expansion is causing the visible light emitted by the stars to stretch out so much that when it reaches our eyes, they cannot detect it. As our eyes cannot detect any visible light, the space appears black to us.


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[Assistant] Moreover, light has a specific speed limit.


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[Assistant] So, light from far far away stars has not even reached us. Thus, the space appears black.


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[Assistant] Earth has a thick atmosphere. So, the advantage in this case is that we can use parachutes to slow down the spacecraft.


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[Assistant] While, the disadvantage is that the thick atmosphere creates frictional heating. Thus requiring heat shield. Now, as the moon has no atmosphere, the disadvantage is that parachutes don't work.


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[Assistant] Hence, we need complex retro rockets. But the advantage is that no atmosphere means no friction. So, no need of heat shields.


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[Assistant] Now, more than 50% of landings on Mars have failed because we face both the above disadvantages here.


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[Assistant] Why? Because Mars' atmosphere is 100 times thinner than Earth's atmosphere. So, parachutes are ineffective. Hence, we need complex retro rockets. Also, as the atmosphere is not completely absent, we need heat shields.


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[Assistant] Usually, when a star is alive, the inward force of gravity is exactly balanced at each point by the outward force created by hot gases and radiation.


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[Assistant] These inward and outward forces maintain balance and hold the star together.


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[Assistant] However, when the star runs out of fuel, there are no hot gases and radiation. Hence, there is no outward force to balance the inward pull of gravity and thus, the star begins to die.


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[Assistant] The star's core begins to collapse under its own gravity. This collapse causes the outer layers to blow apart in a huge explosion called a supernova.


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[Assistant] Now, it is estimated that if a star has at least 20 times more mass than our sun, then the star collapses to form a black hole. The surface or boundary of a black hole is called event horizon. Nothing can escape from within the event horizon of a black hole, not even light. Hence, the black hole appears black.


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[Assistant] So, you finally made up your mind, Billy. I look forward to working with you, Uncle. Address me as Commander when you're here.


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[Assistant] You'll be following in the footsteps of the late Professor Eifman, which means you'll be in charge of the development team responsible for new mobile suits. Roger that, sir.


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[Assistant] Most of the major facilities in the cities were reduced to rubble.


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[Assistant] There are no functioning police or army personnel left. But even so my country needs me. Rasa entrusted me with it. Coming back here was a good idea.


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[Assistant] In this situation with Ms. Sumeragi unconscious- Even so, we have to do something. We'll move Ptolemy over to the coastline. It's important that the enemy detects only us.


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[Assistant] We're commencing the operation. I know they saw us. It's about time they started heading this way. Send out the Gundams.


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[Assistant] So this is a situation where we have the ee sound. Remember I said about ship and sheep? Well this one we could do chili.


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[Assistant] They should sound very different. One's long, ee, freezing. One's short, it, chilly. So compare those two. Pause the video if you need to.


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[Assistant] We also have a lot of expressions which we use to talk about the rain. I could say it's tipping down. Remember that sound? Tipping, tipping. So if it's tipping down today, then that means


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[Assistant] Drizzle, drizzle. Now we're going to talk about the hot weather. So much like when I said freezing for when it's cold, I could use something similar which is the opposite of freezing, which would be boiling or burning.


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[Assistant] We have to divide the enemy forces. Fire high density particle and smoke torpedoes. Old man!


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[Assistant] Five years ago, the accident at the low orbital station. I want to thank you for your participation in the rescue effort.


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[Assistant] Again, we just felt like we, we can perform better and, and uh.


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[Assistant] We just as an organization decided that we needed to change and Pete's a fantastic coach. Been with us for, you know, 17, 18 years, done a lot of really, really good things, but just felt like we needed to change.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I just, you know, again, just felt like we, we can perform better and, and, uh, yeah, we need a change in that area.


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[Assistant] Yeah, again, I think, you know, I'm not going to get into anything specific because I think


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[Assistant] I think in the assessment we needed, you know, it felt like we needed something a little different.


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[Assistant] I think our expectations were higher, collectively.


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[Assistant] So when you look at a season, you look at how you perform. There's so many variables in.


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[Assistant] Yeaah, look, I think, I think with any offensive lineman, you know,


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[Assistant] I'm still pretty high on, uh, Trevor Penning. I think we all are, but we recognize that, hey look, we've got, we've got to do a better job in terms of development and preparing him to be ready. Uh, and I think we'll do that this off season. I think we'll have a good plan for him.


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[Assistant] You know, 13 and 4, and look, it's, it's collective, it's the players, it's the coaches, it's me, it's our personnel staff, our roster, it's variables sometimes that we don't have any control of.


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[Assistant] Is to be patient and recognize your other shortcomings and get those fixed. And that's what we're doing.


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[Assistant] Is to be patient and recognize your other shortcomings and get those fixed. And that's what we're doing.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I don't like the word culture necessarily because I think, look, we've got really good guys willing.


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[Assistant] That's on me. That's on me a hundred percent. We've got to, I've got to hold our guys to a standard.


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[Assistant] To do the things necessary to win. And I think that I probably let that slip a little bit over the last few years. And so.


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[Assistant] We're gonna, we're gonna get that recalibrated. And so that's my message to our entire building. It's not just to the players or just the coaches. It's to our entire building.


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[Assistant] Well, there's a lot of things and, and, uh, I think I was pretty specific about what those things are, but that's really for their ears, not for your ears.


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[Assistant] And certainly our, our head coach and our coaching staff and all the people in the building are responsible for it, but it, it begins with me.


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[Assistant] There's a lot of things about our team that I really, really like too. So, look, I like that we played hard. I like that we finished 4 out of the last 5. Effort, you know, those kinds of things that happen in games.


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[Assistant] You know, particularly when you have a defensive head coach and you're looking for an offensive coordinator. Yeah, just no different than when, when Sean was a head coach and we, you know, we went through, uh, searches for defensive coordinators. So yeah, it's different.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I think we have a set of criteria, uhm, that a lot of different guys can fill. We're just kind of going through that process now, so I think I'll leave it at that.


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[Assistant] Wasn't perfect for certain, but he did a lot of good things. And listen, I think that uhm, he was hurt.


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[Assistant] Uh, for a good portion of this season, uh, probably more so than


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[Assistant] You know, he would let honor that or that was out there, so I felt like.


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[Assistant] You kind of hit a stride toward the end and, and we did collectively too. So, um, and he's not the only, uh, um, player or position that, that, that was the case for.


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[Assistant] Yeah, I would, I would say, yeah, you know, he gets, he gets thrown back out there, uhm, and did, and did a good job. He did.


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[Assistant] It's great to the, uh, the cap and finances. And so that's, that's caused us to recalibrate a little bit, but the answer to the question is yes, we do do that. I'm not going to tell you what we're doing, but we do do that.


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[Assistant] You know, over a period of time here, we're going to have to make up some ground cap wise.


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[Assistant] Well, look, I think a number of these drafts, you know, the results have yet to be written.


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[Assistant] I don't expect to duplicate that every year. I'd like to duplicate that every year, but don't have that expectation. So uhm, no, I think our philosophies are sound and I don't see that changing.


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[Assistant] But you know, those candidates will come out eventually.


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[Assistant] I haven't heard anything about him retiring, so that would be a surprise to me.


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[Assistant] Look, I think that analytics have been around a long, long time, way longer than we've been talking about them.


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[Assistant] They were, they existed in 1983 when I started. We just didn't call them analytics.


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[Assistant] View it as such and so I just look at it and look, we got a lot more data, a lot more information than we did certainly then and even in the last three or four years, we got a lot more.


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[Assistant] But if you have a player that's injured at a particular position that's key to, so there's just a lot of.


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[Assistant] The factors and variables and so I look at, uh, analytics as valuable, but a tool in the toolbox.


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[Assistant] That's never been discussed or talked about. Now, am I slower? Yeaah, I probably ran a 4.5 when I was 30 and I don't think I could run 5 flat right now, so I am slower.


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[Assistant] I, you know, I think the things that the head coach is responsible for, you know, game day management, um, scheduling, all the things that you guys don't see that I see or that we see internally, I feel good about. And yeah, there, there's certainly areas that he can improve in.


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[Assistant] But look, we've had a quarterback change. We've had, you know, some things changed in the last two, two or three years. And so.


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[Assistant] We gotta look at ourselves and say, okay, what, what's our expectations? Are they realistic? And.


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[Assistant] Yeah, we don't ask our players to make decisions. We don't.


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[Assistant] That's not, that's not a burden. That's not a burden that we put on them. Now we do talk to, we talk to a lot of our veteran players about the season, about the things that we expect from them and, and they should certainly have expectations from us, but we're not asking them to do any evaluations of any kind.


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[Assistant] I'm not going to ask him if he approves of A, B or C, right?


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's a fair question, but I don't really want to talk about any individual candidates for that role. It's a fair question, but yeah, we'll answer that one.


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[Assistant] We're in a rush in a race to hire people because we're afraid of, you know, someone else.


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[Assistant] You know, being as to the draw, I think that's a mistake. I think the most important thing is


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[Assistant] It's the right guy in the right situation. Take your time. Make sure it's a thoughtful, uhm, planned decision. So we're gonna, we're gonna


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[Assistant] We're going to go through the process and we're going to make the rate higher. We're not going to make the expedient higher.


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[Assistant] Uhm, I don't know. We're gonna have to restructure a lot of contracts.


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[Assistant] This has to be a thoughtful, well thought out process, right? And you have to...


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[Assistant] You know, look, there's an obvious group of candidates, right? But there's another group of candidates that might not be quite so obvious that we need to make sure that we take a look at and uhm, we'll do that.


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[Assistant] Kai and Jeff and, and even Michael Parenten and so we have, we have, uh, some top flight, uhm, executives in our building and, and, uhm, I'm rooting for them to get an opportunity. Although if they get one, I'll probably rue it, so.


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[Assistant] Pete's such a, he's a great coach, not a good coach, he's a great coach and he's, he's done, you know, I think, listen, we had historically good offenses here for a long period of time and Pete was a much bigger part of that than, than he gets credit for.


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[Assistant] Really brilliant. You know, look, his first game is a play caller. I think we scored 60 points. So uhm.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it's emotional, uh, uhm, and he's such a good person and such a great representative of, of, uhm, the organization for all these years.


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[Assistant] You know, no different than it was when Terry Fontenot went to Atlanta and Ryan Pace went to Chicago and we've got, you know, great people.


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[Assistant] Behind, you know, those people too. So I'm really confident in the people we have in the building and, but that doesn't mean we won't look outside the building either.


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[Assistant] Where 16 teams of 4 fight it out to become the last squad standing in the largest battlefield map ever.


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[Assistant] If I get your grandfather to apologize for shaking you, will you go down? said Joe. Yes, but you won't do it, answered Laurie. If I can manage the young one, then I can manage the old one.


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[Assistant] Joe said to herself as she went downstairs. Come in, said Mr. Lawrence when she knocked on his door. It's me, sir, said Joe. I'm returning a book.


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[Assistant] Said the old man, looking annoyed but trying not to show it. Yes, please, said Joe.


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[Assistant] And she pretended to look for another book while Mr. Lawrence stared at her crossly.


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[Assistant] What's that boy been doing? He asked suddenly. He won't tell me.


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[Assistant] But he said it was good-hearted of me to take the blame, so while he'd have to punish me, I could take my choice between being thrashed or going to bed without my supper. He laughed ruefully, shaking his head. Father knew me pretty well. I took the thrashing with no questions. You're nothing but a walking appetite, Jamie, I said. Aye, he agreed without rancour. Always have been. You too, Glutton.


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[Assistant] He said to his mount, Wait a bit till we stop for a rest.


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[Assistant] If I did something wrong, I got punished at once. Or as soon as he found out about it.


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[Assistant] He always made sure I knew what I was about to get walloped for.


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[Assistant] I doubted he could charm me out of my set intention of disembowelling him at the first opportunity, but he was welcome to try.


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[Assistant] It was generally a straightforward enough case with the accused convicted out of his own mouth. But sometimes I got the sentence reduced a bit. He rubbed his nose.


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[Assistant] Once I told him I thought beating your son was the most uncivilized method of getting your own way. He said,


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[Assistant] Respect for your elders was one of the cornerstones of civilized behavior.


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[Assistant] And until I learned that, I'd better get used to looking up my tools while one of my barbaric elders thrashed my arse off. This time I laughed along with him. It was peaceful on the road.


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[Assistant] With that sort of absolute quiet that comes when you are miles from any other person.


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[Assistant] The sort of quiet, so hard to come by in my own more crowded time, when machines spread the influence of man.


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[Assistant] The only sounds here were the stirring of plants, the occasional squeak of a nightbird, and the soft, thudding steps of the horses.


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[Assistant] I was walking a little easier now, as my cramped muscles began to stretch freely with the exercise. My prickly feelings began to relax a little too, listening to Jamie's stories, all humorous and self-deprecating.


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[Assistant] I didn't like being beaten at all, of course. But if I had a choice, I'd rather my dad than the schoolmaster.


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[Assistant] We'd mostly get it across the palm of the hand with a tors in the schoolhouse instead of on the backside.


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[Assistant] Father said if he whipped me on the hand, I'd not be able to do any work. Whereas if he whipped my arse, I'd at least not be tempted to sit down and be idle. We had a different schoolmaster each year. Usually they didn't last long.


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[Assistant] Usually tanned farmer or moved on to richer parts.


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[Assistant] Schoolmasters are paid so little they're always skinny and starving.


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[Assistant] I had a fat one once and I could never believe he was a real schoolmaster. He looked like a person in disguise.


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[Assistant] I thought of plump little Father Bane and smiled in agreement. One, I remember, especially.


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[Assistant] Because he'd make you stand out in the front of the school room with your hand out.


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[Assistant] And then he'd lecture you at great length about your faults before he started. And again in between strokes.


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[Assistant] I'd stand there with my hand out, smirting, just praying he'd stop yammering and get home with a job before I lost all my courage and started crying.


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[Assistant] And like, would they like this? What would my Calendars fans want to hear? What would my City fans want to hear?


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[Assistant] But I didn't know who they was here for. You know what I'm saying? So I would get nervous and just throw up.


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[Assistant] But darling, yours would be there beside it.


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[Assistant] Oh, I'll admit, Sire, that for a barber, he's very amusing and, well, rather sweet. But after all, Beaucar is a man, and I'm not interested in men. Mortal men. My interest is frank.


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[Assistant] Sire, I am a patriot. I love France. And to me, Sire, you are France. All of France.


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[Assistant] Don't think of me as a woman. Think of me as the people of France.


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[Assistant] You are most kind. Thank you, we'll manage. Well, madame, we are alone and must travel by night. This gentleman is being most considerate.


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[Assistant] I appeal to you, sir, as her fiance, to put your foot down.


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[Assistant] Now here's where we are right now at Fort Harrison. And here's where that Indian Tecumseh is squatting all around here.


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[Assistant] Of course, I can only give you a squad or two. I can't even give you your own officers. With ten green militia for every regular, I'll need all the commissions. That's all, gentlemen. We'll march when ready.


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[Assistant] Each time that I opened my eyes to the morning light and realized I'd lived through another night was a surprise to me.


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[Assistant] After the surprise wore off, my heart would start to race and my palms would sweat. I couldn't really breathe again until I'd gotten up and ascertained that Charlie had survived as well.


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[Assistant] I could tell he was worried, watching me jump at any loud sound, or my face suddenly go white for no reason that he could see.


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[Assistant] From the questions he asked now and then, he seemed to blame the change on Jacob's continued absence.


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[Assistant] The tear that was always foremost in my thoughts usually distracted me from the fact that another week had passed, and Jacob still hadn't called me.


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[Assistant] But when I was able to concentrate on my normal life, if my life was really ever normal, this upset me. I missed him horribly.


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[Assistant] It had been bad enough to be alone before I was scared silly. Now, more than ever, I yearned for his carefree laugh and his infectious grin.


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[Assistant] I needed the safe sanity of his homemade garage and his warm hand around my cold fingers.


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[Assistant] I'd half expected him to call on Monday. If there had been some progress with Embry, wouldn't he want to report it?


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[Assistant] I wanted to believe that it was worry for his friend that was occupying all his time, not that he was just giving up on me. I called him Tuesday, but no one answered. Were the phone lines still having problems, or had Billy invested in caller ID?


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[Assistant] desperate to hear the warmth of Jacob's voice. Thursday I sat in my truck in front of my house, with the locks pushed down, keys in hand, for a solid hour. I was arguing with myself, trying to justify a quick trip to LaPush, but I couldn't do it.


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[Assistant] I knew that Laurent had gone back to Victoria by now. If I went to La Push, I took the chance of leading one of them there. What if they caught up to me when Jake was nearby? As much as it hurt me, I knew it was better for Jacob that he was avoiding me. Safer for him.


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[Assistant] It was bad enough that I couldn't figure out a way to keep Charlie safe. Nighttime was the most likely time that they would come looking for me. And what could I say to get Charlie out of the house? If I told him the truth, he'd have me locked up in a rubber room somewhere.


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[Assistant] I would have endured that, welcomed it even, if it could have kept him safe.


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[Assistant] But Victoria would still come to his house first, looking for me.


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[Assistant] Maybe if she found me here, that would be enough for her. Maybe she would just leave when she was done with me. So I couldn't run away. Even if I could, where would I go? To Renee, I shuddered at the thought of dragging my lethal shadows into my mother's safe, sunny world. I would never endanger her that way.


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[Assistant] That night, Charlie did me another favor and called Harry again to see if the blacks were out of town.


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[Assistant] Harry reported that Billy had attended the council meeting Wednesday night and never mentioned anything about leaving.


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[Assistant] Charlie warned me not to make a nuisance of myself. Jacob would call when he got around to it.


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[Assistant] Friday afternoon, as I drove home from school, it hit me out of the blue. I wasn't paying attention to the familiar road, letting the sound of the engine deaden my brain and silence the worries.


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[Assistant] When my subconscious delivered a verdict, it must have been working on for some time without my knowledge. As soon as I thought of it, I felt really stupid for not seeing it sooner. Sure, I'd had a lot on my mind. Revenue, obsessed vampires,


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[Assistant] Giant mutant wolves. A ragged hole in the center of my chest.


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[Assistant] When I laid the evidence out, it was embarrassingly obvious. Jacob avoiding me. Charlie saying he looks strange, upset. Billy's vague, unhelpful answers. Holy crow, I knew exactly what was going on with Jacob. It was Sam Uley.


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[Assistant] Even my nightmares had been trying to tell me that. Sam had gone to Jacob.


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[Assistant] Whatever was happening to the other boys on the reservation had reached out and stolen my friend. He'd been sucked into Sam's colt. He hadn't given up on me at all, I realized with a rush of feeling. I let my truck idle in front of my house. What should I do? I weighed the dangers against each other.


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[Assistant] If I went looking for Jacob, I risked the chance of Victoria or Laurent finding me with him.


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[Assistant] If I didn't go after him, Sam would pull him deeper into his frightening compulsory gang. Maybe it would be too late if I didn't act soon. It had been a week and no vampires had come for me yet.


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[Assistant] A week was more than enough time for them to have returned, so I must not be a priority. Most likely, as I'd decided before, they would come for me at night. The chances of them following me to La Push were much lower than the chance of losing Jacob to Sam.


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[Assistant] It was worth the danger of the secluded forest road. This was no idle visit to see what was going on.


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[Assistant] I knew what was going on. This was a rescue mission. I was going to talk to Jacob, kidnap him if I had to.


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[Assistant] I'd once seen a PBS show on deprogramming the brainwashed. There had to be some kind of cure. I decided I'd better call Charlie first. Maybe whatever was going on down in the push was something the police should be involved in. I dashed inside in a hurry to be on my way. Charlie answered the phone at the station himself.


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[Assistant] Chief Swan? Dad, it's Bella. What's wrong? I couldn't argue with his doomsday assumption this time. My voice was shaking. I'm worried about Jacob. Why, he asked, surprised by an unexpected topic.


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[Assistant] I think, I think there's something weird, I think something weird is going on down at the reservation.


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[Assistant] Jacob told me about some strange stuff happening with the other boys his age. Now he's acting the same way and I'm scared.


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[Assistant] What kind of stuff? He used his professional police business voice. That was good, he was taking me seriously.


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[Assistant] First he was scared, and then he was avoiding me, and now I'm afraid he's part of that bizarre gang down there. Sam's gang. Sam Uly's gang. Sam Uly? Charlie repeated, surprised again. Yeaah. Charlie's voice was more relaxed when he answered.


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[Assistant] I think you've got it wrong, Bells. Sam Uly is a great kid. Well, he's a man now. A good son. You should hear Billy talk about him. He's really doing wonders with the youth on the reservation.


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[Assistant] He's the one who Charlie broke off mid-sentence, and I guess that he had been about to make a reference to the night I'd gotten lost in the woods. I moved on quickly. Dad, it's not like that. Jacob was scared of them.


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[Assistant] Did you talk to Billy about this? He was trying to soothe me now. I lost him as soon as I'd mentioned Sam. Billy's not concerned. Well, Bella, then I'm sure it's okay. Jacob's a kid. He was probably just messing around.


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[Assistant] I'm sure he's fine. He can't spend every waking minute with you after all. This isn't about me, I insisted, but the battle was lost.


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[Assistant] I don't think you need to worry about this. Let Billy take care of Jacob.


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[Assistant] Charlie, my voice was starting to sound whiny. Bells, I got a lot on my plate right now. Two tourists have gone missing off a trail outside Crescent Lake. There was an anxious edge to his voice. This wolf problem is getting out of hand.


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[Assistant] I was momentarily distracted, stunned really, by his news.


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[Assistant] Are you sure that's what happened to them? I asked. Afraid so, honey. There was. He hesitated.


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[Assistant] There were tracks again, and some blood this time. Oh. It must not have come to a confrontation then. Laurent must have simply outrun the wolves. But why? What I'd seen in the meadow just got stranger and stranger, more impossible to understand.


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[Assistant] I really have to go. Don't worry about Jake Bella. I'm sure it's nothing. Fine, I said curtly, frustrated as his words reminded me of the more urgent crisis at hand. Bye, I hang up.


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[Assistant] I stared at the phone for a long minute. What the hell? I decided. Billy answered after two rings. Hello? Hey Billy. I almost growled. I tried to sound more friendly as I continued. Can I talk to Jacob please? Jake's not here. What a shock.


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[Assistant] Do you know where he is? He's out with his friends. Billy's voice was careful. Oh yeah? Anyone I know? Quill? I could tell the words didn't come across as casually as I'd meant them to. No, Billy said slowly. I don't think he's with Quill today.


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[Assistant] Yeah, he's with Embry. That was enough for me. Embry was one of them. Well, have him call me when he gets in, alright? Sure, sure, no problem.


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[Assistant] See you soon, Billy." I muttered into the dead phone. I drove to La Pushe, determined to wait. I'd sit out in front of his house all night if I had to. I'd miss school. The boy was going to have to come home sometime, and when he did, he was going to have to talk to me.


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[Assistant] My mind was so preoccupied that the trip I'd been terrified of making seemed to take only a few seconds. Before I was expecting it, the forest began to thin, and I knew I would soon be able to see the first little houses of the reservation.


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[Assistant] Walking away along the left side of the road was a tall boy with a baseball cap. My breath caught for just a moment in my throat, hopeful that luck was with me for once. And I had stumbled across Jacob without hardly trying, but this boy was too wide and the hair was short under the hat. Even from behind, I was sure it was Quill, though he looked bigger than the last time I'd seen him.


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[Assistant] What was with these Quillette boys? Were they feeding them experimental growth hormones? I crossed over to the wrong side of the road to stop next to him. He looked up when the roar of my truck approached. Quill's expression frightened me more than it surprised me. His face was bleak, brooding. His forehead creased with worry.


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[Assistant] Oh hey Bella, he greeted me dully. Hi Quill, are you okay? He stared at me morosely. Fine. Can I give you a ride somewhere? I offered.


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[Assistant] He shuffled around the front of the truck and opened the passenger door to climb in. Where to? My house is on the north side, back behind the store, he told me. Have you seen Jacob today?


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[Assistant] The question burst from me almost before he'd finished speaking. I looked at Quill eagerly, waiting for his answer.


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[Assistant] He stared out the windshield for a second before he spoke. From a distance, he finally said,


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[Assistant] A distance, I echoed. I tried to follow them. He was with Embry. His voice was low, hard to hear over the engine. I leaned closer. I know they saw me, but they turned and just disappeared into the trees.


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[Assistant] I've been stumbling around in the forest for an hour, yelling for them. I just barely found the road again when they drove up.


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[Assistant] So Sam did get to him. The words were a little distorted. My teeth were gritted together. Quill stared at me. You know about that? I nodded. Jake told me. Before. Before. Quill repeated inside.


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[Assistant] Jacob's just as bad as the others now. Never leave Sam's side. Quill turned his head and spit out the open window. And before that, did he avoid everyone? Was he acting upset? His voice was low and rough.


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[Assistant] Not for as long as the others. Maybe one day. Then Sam caught up with him.


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[Assistant] What do you think it is? Drugs or something? I can't see Jacob or Embry getting into anything like that. But what do I know? What else could it be? And why aren't the old people worried? He shook his head and the fear showed in his eyes now. Jacob didn't want to be a part of this.


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[Assistant] I shivered. Are your parents any help? He grimaced. Right, my grandfather's on the council with Jacob's dad. Sam Ueli is the best thing that ever happened to this place as far as he's concerned. We stared at each other for a prolonged moment.


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[Assistant] We were in the push now, and my truck was barely crawling along the empty road. I could see the village is only stored not too far up ahead.


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[Assistant] I'll get out now, Quill said. My house is right over there. He gestured toward the small wooden rectangle behind the store. I pulled over to the shoulder and he jumped out.


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[Assistant] I'm going to go wait for Jacob, I told him in a hard voice. Good luck. He slammed the door and shuffled forward along the road. His head bent forward, his shoulders slumped. Quill's face haunted me as I made a wide U-turn and headed back toward the blacks. He was terrified of being next. What was happening here?


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[Assistant] I stopped in front of Jacob's house, killing the motor and rolling down the windows. It was stuffy today, no breeze. I put my feet up on the dashboard and settled in to wait. A movement flashed in my peripheral vision. I turned and spotted Billy looking at me through the front window with a confused expression.


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[Assistant] I waved once and smiled a tight smile, but stayed where I was. His eyes narrowed and he let the curtain fall across the glass.


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[Assistant] What are you doing here, Bella?" Jacob growled. I stared at him in blank astonishment.


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[Assistant] Jacob had changed radically in the last week since I'd seen him. The first thing I noticed was his hair. His beautiful hair was all gone, cropped quite short, covering his head with an inky gloss like black satin.


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[Assistant] The planes of his face seemed to have hardened subtly, tightened, aged. His neck and his shoulders were different too, thicker somehow.


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[Assistant] His hands, where they gripped the window frame looked enormous, and the tendons and veins more prominent under the russet skin.


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[Assistant] But the physical changes were insignificant. It was his expression that made him almost completely unrecognizable.


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[Assistant] The open, friendly smile was gone like the hair, the warmth in his dark eyes altered to a brooding resentment that was instantly disturbing. There was a darkness in Jacob now, like my son had imploded. Jacob? I whispered.


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[Assistant] He just stared at me, his eyes tense and angry. I realized we weren't alone. Behind him stood four others, all tall and russet skinned, black hair chopped short like just like Jacob's.


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[Assistant] They could have been brothers. I couldn't even pick Embry out of the group. The resemblance was almost, was only intensified by the strikingly similar, similar hostility in every pair of eyes.


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[Assistant] Every pair but one, the oldest by several years, Sam, stood in the very back, his face serene and sure. I had to swallow back the bile that rose in my throat.


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[Assistant] I wanted to take a swing at him. No. I wanted to do more than that. More than anything. I wanted to be fierce and deadly. Someone no one would dare mess with. Someone who would scare Sam Uley silly. I wanted to be a vampire.


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[Assistant] The violent desire caught me off guard and knocked the wind out of me. It was the most forbidden of all wishes, even when I only wished it for a malicious reason like this, to gain an advantage over an enemy, because it was the most painful.


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[Assistant] That future was lost to me forever. Had never really been within my grasp.


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[Assistant] I scrambled to gain control of myself, while the hole in my chest ached hollowly.


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[Assistant] What do you want? Jacob demanded, his expression growing more resentful as he watched the play of emotion across my face. I want to talk to you, I said in a weak voice. I tried to focus, but I was still reeling against the escape of my taboo dream.


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[Assistant] Go ahead, he hissed, through his teeth. His glare was vicious. I'd never seen him look at anyone like that, least of all me. It hurt with a surprising intensity, a physical pain, a stabbing in my head.


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[Assistant] Alone, I hissed, and my voice was stronger. He looked behind him, and I knew where his eyes would go. Every one of them was turned for Sam's reaction.


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[Assistant] Sam nodded once, his face unperturbed. He made a brief comment in an unfamiliar, liquid language. I could only be positive that it wasn't French or Spanish, but I guessed that it was Quillette.


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[Assistant] He turned and walked into Jacob's house. The others, Paul, Jared, and Embry, I assumed, followed him in.


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[Assistant] Okay, Jacob seemed a bit less furious when the others were gone. His face was a little calmer but also more hopeless. His mouth seemed permanently pulled down at the corners. I took a deep breath.


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[Assistant] You know what I want to know." He didn't answer. He just stared at me bitterly. I stared back and the silence stretched on. The pain in his face unnerved me. I felt a lump beginning to build in my throat.


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[Assistant] Can we walk? I asked, while I could still speak. He didn't respond in any way. His face didn't change. I got out of the car, filling unseen eyes behind the windows on me, and started walking toward the trees to the north.


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[Assistant] My feet squished in the damp grass and mud beside the road. And as that was the only sound, at first I thought he wasn't following me. But when I glanced around, he was right beside me, his feet having somehow found a less noisy path than mine.


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[Assistant] I felt better in the fringe of trees, where Sam couldn't possibly be watching. As we walked, I struggled for the right thing to say, but nothing came. I just got more and more angry that Jacob had gotten sucked in, that Billy had allowed this, that Sam was able to stand there so assured and calm.


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[Assistant] Jacob suddenly picked up the pace, striding ahead of me easily with his long legs and then swinging around to face me, planting himself in my path so I would have to stop too. I was distracted by the overt grace of his movement.


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[Assistant] Jacob had been nearly as klutzy as me with his never-ending growth spurt. When did that change? But Jacob didn't give me time to think about it.


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[Assistant] Let's get this over with, he said in a hard husky voice.


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[Assistant] He studied my face for a long moment, speculating. The anger never completely left his eyes. I can't tell you, he finally said.


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[Assistant] My jaw tightened, and I spoke through my teeth. I thought we were friends. We were. There was a slight emphasis on the past tense. But you don't need friends anymore, I said sourly. You have Sam. Isn't that nice? You've always looked up to him so much.


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[Assistant] I didn't understand him before. And now you've seen the light. Hallelujah. It wasn't like I thought it was. This isn't Sam's fault. He's helping me as much as he can. His voice turned brittle and he looked over my head, past me, rage burning out from his eyes.


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[Assistant] He's helping you, I repeated dubiously. Naturally. But Jacob didn't seem to be listening. He was taking deep, deliberate breaths, trying to calm himself. He was so mad that his hands were shaking.


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[Assistant] Jacob, please. I whispered. Won't you tell me what happened? Maybe I can help.


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[Assistant] No one can help me now. The words were a low moan, his voice broke.


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[Assistant] What did he do to you? I demanded, tears collecting in my eyes. I reached out to him, as I had once before, stepping forward with my arms wide. This time he cringed away, holding his hands up defensively. Don't touch me, he whispered.


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[Assistant] Is Sam catching? I mumbled. The stupid tears had escaped the corners of my eyes. I wiped them away with the back of my hand and folded my arms across my chest.


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[Assistant] Stop blaming Sam. The words came out fast, like a reflex. His hands reached up to twist around the hair that was no longer there, and then fell limply at his sides. Then who should I blame? I retorted.


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[Assistant] He halfway smiled. It was a bleak, twisted thing. You don't want to hear that.


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[Assistant] The hell I don't, I snapped. I want to know, and I want to know now. You're wrong, he snapped back. Don't you dare tell me I'm wrong.


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[Assistant] I'm not the one who got brainwashed. Tell me now whose fault this all is, if it's not your precious Sam. You asked for it, he growled at me, eyes glinting hard. If you want to blame someone, why don't you point your fingers at those filthy, reeking bloodsuckers that you love so much?


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[Assistant] My mouth fell open and my breath came out with a wishing sound.


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[Assistant] I was frozen in place, stabbed through with his double edged sword, edged words, the pain twisted in familiar patterns through my body, the jagged hole ripping me open from the inside out, but it was second place, background music to the chaos of my thoughts.


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[Assistant] I couldn't believe that I'd heard him correctly. There was no trace of indecision in his face, only fury. My mouth still hung wide. I told you that you didn't want to hear it, he said.


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[Assistant] Don't understand what you mean. Or who you mean, I whispered. He raised one eyebrow in disbelief. I think you understand exactly who I mean. You're not going to make me say it, are you? I don't like hurting you.


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[Assistant] I saw that. I can see in your eyes what it does to you when I say their name. I shook my head back and forth in denial, trying to clear it at the same time. How did he know this and how did it have anything to do with Sam's cult? Was it a gang of vampire haters?


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[Assistant] What was the point of forming such a society when no vampires lived in forks anymore?


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[Assistant] Why would Jacob start believing the stories about the colons now when the evidence of them was long gone, never to return? It took me too long to come up with the correct response.


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[Assistant] Don't tell me you've- you are listening to Billy's superstitious nonsense now. I said with a feeble attempt at mockery. He knows more than I gave him credit for.


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[Assistant] Be serious, Jacob. He glared at me, his eyes critical. Superstitions aside, I said quickly, I still don't see what you're accusing the cones. Winds. Of.


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[Assistant] They left more than half a year ago. How can you blame them for what Sam is doing now?


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[Assistant] Sam isn't doing anything, Bella, and I know they are gone, but sometimes things are set in motion, and then it's too late.


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[Assistant] What's set in motion? What's too late? What are you blaming them for? He was suddenly right in my face, his fury glowing in his eyes. For existing, he hissed. I was surprised and distracted as the warning words came in Edward's voice again, when I wasn't even scared.


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[Assistant] Quiet now, Bella. Don't push him. Edward cautioned in my ear.


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[Assistant] Ever since Edward's name had broken through the careful walls I'd buried it behind, I'd been unable to lock it up again.


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[Assistant] It didn't hurt now, not during the precious seconds when I could hear his voice. Jacob was fuming in front of me, quivering with anger. I didn't understand why the Edward delusion was unexpectedly in my mind. Jacob was livid, but he was Jacob. There was no adrenaline, no danger.


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[Assistant] Give him a chance to calm down. Edward's voice insisted. I shook my head in confusion. You are being ridiculous. I told them both.


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[Assistant] Fine, Jacob answered, breathing deeply again. I won't argue it with you. It doesn't matter anyway. The damage is done. What damage? He didn't flinch as I shouted the words in his face. Let's head back. There's nothing more to say. I gaped.


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[Assistant] There's everything more to say. You haven't said anything yet. He walks past me, striding back toward the house.


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[Assistant] I ran into Quilt today. I yelled after him. He paused mid-step but didn't turn. You remember your friend Quill? Yea, he's terrified. Jacob whirled to face me. His expression was pained. Quill was all he said. He's worried about you too. He's freaked out.


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[Assistant] Jacob stared past me with desperate eyes. I goaded him further. He's frightened that he's next. Jacob clutched at a tree for support, his face turning a strange shade of green under the red-brown surface.


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[Assistant] He won't be next. Jacob muttered to himself. He can't be. It's over now. This shouldn't still be happening. Why? Why? His fist slammed against the tree. It wasn't a big tree. Slender and only a few feet taller than Jacob. But it still surprised me that


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[Assistant] The trunk gave way and snapped off loudly under his blows.


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[Assistant] Jacob stared at the sharp broken point with shock that quickly turned to horror.


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[Assistant] I chased him back to the truck. Wait, I called as he turned toward the house. He spun around to face me, and I saw that his hands were shaking again. Go home, Bella. I can't hang out with you anymore. The silly, inconsequential hurt was incredibly potent. The tears welled up again. Are you breaking up with me? The words were all wrong.


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[Assistant] Sam won't let you have other friends? Please Jake, you promised, I need you.


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[Assistant] The blank, blank emptiness of my life before, before Jacob, brought some semblance of reason back into it. It reared up and confronted me, loneliness choked in my throat. I'm sorry Bella, Jacob said each word distinctly in a cold voice that didn't seem to belong to him.


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[Assistant] I didn't believe that this was really what Jacob wanted to say. It seemed like there was something else trying to be said through his angry eyes, but I couldn't understand the message.


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[Assistant] Maybe this wasn't about Sam at all. Maybe this had nothing to do with the Collins. Maybe he was just trying to pull himself out of a hopeless situation. Maybe I should let him do that. If that's what was best for him.


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[Assistant] I should do that. It would be right. But I heard my voice escaping in a whisper.


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[Assistant] I'm sorry that I couldn't before. I wish I could change how I feel about you, Jacob. I was desperate, reaching, stretching the truth so far that it curved nearly into the shape of a lie.


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[Assistant] Maybe, maybe I would change, I whispered. Maybe if you gave me some time. Just don't quit on me now Jake, I can't take it.


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[Assistant] His face went from anger to agony in a second. One shaking hand reached out toward me.


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[Assistant] No, don't think like that, Bella, please. Don't blame yourself. Don't think this is your fault. This one is all me, I swear, it's not about you. It's not you, it's me, I whispered. There's a new one.


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[Assistant] I mean it, Bella. I'm not- He struggled, his voice going even huskier as he fought to control his emotions.


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[Assistant] It's a vicious lie, Jacob. Don't let him tell you that. I was suddenly yelling again.


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[Assistant] Jacob's face went hard and flat. No one had to tell me anything. I know what I am.


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[Assistant] You're my friend. That's what you are. Jake, don't. He was backing away from me. I'm sorry, Bella. He said again. This time it was a broken mumble. He turned and almost ran into the house.


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[Assistant] I was unable to move where I stood. I stared at the little house. It looked too small to hold four large boys and two larger men.


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[Assistant] There was no reaction inside. No flutter at the edge of the curtain. No sound of voices or movement. It faced me vacantly. The rain started to drizzle, stinging here and there against my skin. I couldn't take my eyes off the house. Jacob would come back. He had to.


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[Assistant] The rain picked up, and so did the wind. The drops were no longer falling from above. They slanted at an angle from the west. I could smell the brine from the ocean. My hair whipped in my face, sticking to the wet places and tangling in my lashes. I waited.


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[Assistant] Finally, the door opened and I took a step forward in relief.


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[Assistant] Billy rolled his chair into the door frame. I could see no one behind him.


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[Assistant] Charlie just called Bella. I told him you were on your way home. His eyes were full of pity.


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[Assistant] The pity made it final somehow. I didn't comment. I just turned robotically and climbed in my truck. I left the windows open and the seats were slick and wet. It didn't matter. I was already soaked.


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[Assistant] Not as bad, not as bad. My mind tried to comfort me. It was true. This wasn't as bad. This wasn't the end of the world, not again. This was just the end of what little piece there was left behind. That was all. Not as bad, I agreed, then added.


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[Assistant] Bad enough. I thought Jake had been healing the hole in me, or at least plugging it up, keeping it from hurting me so much. I'd been wrong.


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[Assistant] He'd just been carving out his own hole, so that I was now riddled through like Swiss cheese. I wondered why I didn't crumble into pieces.


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[Assistant] Charlie was waiting on the porch as I rolled to his stop. He walked out to me. Billy called. He said you got in a fight with Jake. Said you were pretty upset. He explained as he opened my door.


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[Assistant] Then he looked at my face. A kind of horrified recognition registered in his expression. I tried to feel my face from the inside out to know what he was seeing. My face felt empty and cold and I realized what it would remind him of.


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[Assistant] That's not exactly how it happened, I muttered. Charlie put his arm around me and helped me out of the car. He didn't comment on my sodden clothes.


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[Assistant] Then what did happen, he asked when we were inside. He pulled the afghan off the back of the sofa as he spoke and wrapped it around my shoulders. I realized I was shivering still. My voice was lifeless.


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[Assistant] Sam Uley says Jacob can't be my friend anymore. Charlie shot me a strange look. Who told you that? Jacob, I stated, though that wasn't exactly what he'd said. It was still true.


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[Assistant] Charlie's eyebrow is pulled together. You really think there's something wrong with that Yuli kid?


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[Assistant] I decided to take a shower because I was so cold, but the hot water didn't seem to affect the temperature of my skin. I was still freezing when I gave up and shut the water off. In the sudden quiet, I could hear Charlie talking to someone downstairs. I wrapped a towel around me and cracked the bathroom door. Charlie's voice was angry.


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[Assistant] I'm not buying that. It doesn't make any sense. It was quiet then, and I realized he was on the phone. A minute passed. Don't you put this on Bella, Charlie suddenly shouted. I jumped. When he spoke again, his voice was careful and lower.


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[Assistant] Bella's made it very clear all along that she and Jacob were just friends.


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[Assistant] If that was it, then why didn't you say so at first? No, Billy, I think she's right about this. Because I know my daughter, and if she says Jacob was scared before, he was cut off mid-sentence. And when he answered, the almost was almost shouting again.


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[Assistant] What do you mean I don't know my daughter as well as you think I do?


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[Assistant] If whatever Jacob has going on with this Sam character sends her back into that depression, then Jacob is going to have to answer to me.


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[Assistant] You are my friend, Billy, but this is hurting my family.


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[Assistant] Billy was going to blame me. I was leading Jacob on and he'd finally had enough. It was strange, for I'd feared that myself, but after the last thing Jacob had said this afternoon, I didn't believe it anymore. There was much more to this than an unrequited crush.


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[Assistant] There was, and it surprised me that Billy would stoop to claiming that. It made me think that whatever secret they were keeping was bigger than I'd been imagining. At least Charlie was on my side now. I put my pajamas on and crawled into bed. Life seemed dark enough at the moment.


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[Assistant] I pulled out the memory, not a real memory that would hurt too much, but the false memory of Edward's voice in my mind this afternoon, and played it over and over in my head until I fell asleep with the tears still streaming calmly down my empty face.


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[Assistant] It was a new dream tonight. Rain was falling and Jacob was walking soundlessly beside me, though beneath my feet the ground crunched like dry gravel.


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[Assistant] But he wasn't my Jacob. He was the new, bitter, graceful Jacob. The smooth suppleness of his walk reminded me of someone else, and as I watched, his features started to change. The rustic color of his skin leached away, leaving his face pale white like bones.


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[Assistant] His eyes turned gold, and then crimson, and then back to gold again.


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[Assistant] His shorn hair twisted in the breeze, turning bronze, where the wind touched it, and his face became so beautiful that it shattered my heart. I reached for him, but he took a step away, raising his hands like a shield, and then Edward vanished.


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[Assistant] I wasn't sure when I awoke in the dark if I'd just begun crying or if the tears had run while I slept and simply continued now.


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[Assistant] I stared at my dark ceiling. I could feel that it was the middle of the night. I was still half asleep. Maybe more than half.


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[Assistant] I closed my eyes wearily and prayed for a dreamless sleep. That's when I heard the noise that must have wakened me in the first place. Something sharp scraped along the length of my window with a high-pitched squeal, like fingernails against glass.


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[Assistant] Did you guys see, uh, that shooting that happened two days ago?


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[Assistant] Uh, because don't worry, if you missed it, there was another one yesterday. Uh, Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and Falcon Heights, Minnesota. Two videos in two days of police fatally shooting two black men who, when you watch the video, did nothing to warrant them losing their lives. And you know,


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[Assistant] You know the hardest part of having a conversation surrounding police shootings in America, it always feels like in America, it's like if you take a stand for something, you automatically are against something else.


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[Assistant] But with police shootings, it shouldn't have to work that way.


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[Assistant] For instance, if you're pro-black lives matter, you're assumed to be anti-police. And if you're pro-police, then you surely hate black people.


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[Assistant] It seems that it's either pro-cop and anti-black, or pro-black and anti-cop. When in reality, you can be pro-cop and pro-black. Which is what we should all be. It is what we should be aiming for.


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[Assistant] But the point is you shouldn't have to choose between the police and the citizens that they are sworn to protect.


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[Assistant] You know what makes these incidents even more painful is the fact that there are some people who don't even think that this police problem exists.


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[Assistant] Do you guys, do you guys remember that catcalling video? In New York City, right? The one where a woman walked around in New York for a day, and over a hundred men took that as an invitation to harass her.


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[Assistant] Remember that video? Yeah? Well, I've got to be honest. I remember watching that video and I was shocked. I was shocked by how extreme catcalling actually was. I didn't know because I'm a man. I did not see that in my world.


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[Assistant] Because I hadn't seen it. You know? I didn't think it was that common. I thought it was only done by like construction workers and cartoon wolves. That's what I thought it was all about. But after I watched the video, I realized that there was a problem. Because seeing is believing.


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[Assistant] And yet for some strange reason, when it comes to videos of police shootings, seeing isn't believing.


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[Assistant] The police will always come out with a statement like, I-I know it looks like the officer, uh, shot the man, even though he was subdued. Uh, but what the video doesn't show from this angle is that the policeman feared for his life, uh, due to the suspect's physical actions that again are not visible from this angle.


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[Assistant] I always ask the question, why is it that the police only do that when they're the ones on camera?


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[Assistant] Yeah, because if there's ever a video of you committing a crime...


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[Assistant] Why is the video never enough? Tamir Rice, there was a video. Eric Garner, there was a video. Laquan McDonald, there was a video. And yet still skepticism. And it's only about this.


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[Assistant] I don't think there's a problem with the police, what some people say. I don't think there's a problem with the police. You know, you know, black people are surely doing something. Maybe the black guy did something wrong.


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[Assistant] In fact, in fact, think of this. Think of the most racist thing that people can call black people. Think of it. The most racist thing people say. They call them monkeys, baboons, gorillas, and yet...


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[Assistant] And although this is a problem that disproportionately affects black people, it's not just a black problem, this is an American problem. Because just today, there was a third video, this time of a white kid getting shot by the police while he was lying down on the ground. This is an American problem. Everyone is involved.


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[Assistant] And you're probably saying, oh, but Trevor, what does it help? What does it help to just admit that you have a problem? Well, the Las Vegas Police Department did just that. In 2011, they admitted that there was a potential for bias. They admitted that there was a better way for police to interact with suspects. And so just by acknowledging that and training their officers on how to assess and de-escalate a situation,


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[Assistant] I say, you know what, Dennis, the reason why I'm holly hiring you because you got it, baby. You got a great, you got, you'll whip that knife out in your backstab of some bitch in a minute. I respect that. That's why you're my head coach. I love it.


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[Assistant] That's made, that's made up. That's made up garbage. Somebody wrote that.


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[Assistant] Th-th-that's not true. Somebody made that stuff up.


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[Assistant] We've had an amazing time here at the club. We've really gotten to know all the coaches here, all the parents, and we've pretty much built a family. We call ourselves the Arsenal family, which is very cliché, but that's ultimately what we are, and yeah, we love it here.


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[Assistant] You're mistaken. I've never heard of anybody by the name of Daisy Arrow.


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[Assistant] I think our discussion is over, miss. Whatever your name is.


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[Assistant] That night I dined with Major Jameson at his club. We played billiards until midnight. Then I walked up Piccadilly. I returned my hotel, oh, about 1245. Did the porter give you your keys?


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[Assistant] On second thought, I have decided to reconsider your proposal.


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[Assistant] I will be glad to discuss the question of terms at your earliest convenience. Well, which one?


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[Assistant] Why don't you call him? Concealing evidence is a crime, you know.


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[Assistant] I made you an offer that was more than fair. You turned it down


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[Assistant] Her ladyship went for a drive with Miss Ashton, sir. We'll have tea in the library. Bring me a brandon and soda, please. Yes, sir.


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[Assistant] Those dreams you told me about the night on Waterloo Bridge. Is all this as wonderful as you thought it would be?


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[Assistant] After all, our relationship is somewhat unusual. I'm in trouble, you know that.


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[Assistant] We'd best be going, or we shan't be in time to meet Audrey. She'll be on the four o'clock train.


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[Assistant] This is Mr. Clement, Mr. Evans, some friends of mine from London who were just passing by. My fiancee, Miss Ashton.


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[Assistant] They told me you ordered a carriage from the statements. Why are you leaving? I wanna know why.


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[Assistant] He was a pit bull in the ring. His aggressiveness, his relentlessness were all parts of the package that Evander Holyfield brought in the ring.


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[Assistant] I'm like, there's gotta be a ghost in this building somewhere. How's that man still standing up?


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[Assistant] That particular fight showed me beyond the shadow of a doubt what reservoir of strength and belief this guy had.


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[Assistant] The announcement of his boxing death had been performed many times. And here he goes, smacks Tyson around in the ring and he proved the critics wrong once again. At that point, I was okay with him putting an S on his chest.


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[Assistant] Carter Morgan said to him, one day son, you're going to be a champion. And from that day on, that stayed with him. And that little engine that could called a Vander Holyfield went on that one track mile to become a champion.


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[Assistant] And when you know it, he had a second fight with Cecil Collin. And he lost again. And he went home and said, I quit. And she said, you won't quit.


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[Assistant] Now the Yugoslav referee does an interesting thing. He waves Holyfield over to the corner. He counts out Barry. Knockout.


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[Assistant] He then turns to Holyfield and disqualifies him for having hit on a voice signal stop.


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[Assistant] The paternity, composed of writers, managers, and trainers, skeptically call them just a blown up cruiserweight.


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[Assistant] It comes to what might best be called a crossroad fight against Michael Dokes. Evander drove Michael Dokes, former heavyweight champion, across the ring and ended the fight. He still had the naysayers, but to himself, he had proven that he belonged in the heavyweight division.


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[Assistant] Tyson's eyes just widened to saucer-like eyes. And you knew then and there that fight was over. Yes, it took ten more rounds, but that fight was over.


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[Assistant] Despite the unsettling ill wish, I slept well.


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[Assistant] I dreamed of grassy meadows filled with butterflies.


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[Assistant] Yellow, brown, white, and orange, they swirled around me like autumn leaves, lighting on my head and shoulders, sliding down my body like rain, the tiny feet tickling on my skin.


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[Assistant] And the velvet wings beating like faint echoes of my own heart I floated gently to the surface of reality


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[Assistant] And found that the butterfly feet against my stomach were the flaming tendrils of Jamie's soft red thatch, and the butterfly trapped between my thighs was his tongue. Mmm, I said, sometime later. Well, that's all very well for me. But what about you?


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[Assistant] About three quarters of a minute, if you keep on in that fashion, he said, putting my hand away with a grin. But I'd rather take my time over it. I'm a slow and canny man by nature, do you see?


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[Assistant] Might I ask the favor of your company for this evening, mistress? You might, I said.


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[Assistant] I put my arms behind my head and fixed him with a half-lidded look of challenge.


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[Assistant] If you mean to tell me that you're so decrepit you can't manage more than once in a day any more? He regarded me narrowly from his seat on the edge of the bed. There was a sudden flash of white as he lunged, and I found myself pressed deep into the feather bed. I will, he said, into the tangles of my hair. You'll no see, I didn't warn you.


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[Assistant] Two and a half minutes later he groaned and opened his eyes.


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[Assistant] He scrubbed his face and head vigorously with both hands, making the shorter ends stick up like quills.


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[Assistant] Then, with a muffled Gaelic oath, he slid reluctantly out from under the blankets and began to dress, shivering in the chilly morning air.


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[Assistant] I don't suppose, I asked hopefully, that you could tell Alec you're sick and come back to bed.


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[Assistant] He laughed and bent to kiss me before groping under the bed for his stockings.


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[Assistant] I doubt that shot of pork's plague or grievous bodily harm would answer as an excuse, though.


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[Assistant] If I weren't bleeding, old Alec would be up here in a trice dragging me off my deathbed to help me with the worming.


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[Assistant] I eyed his graceful long calves as he pulled a stocking up neatly and folded the top. Crevious bodily harm, eh? I might manage something along those lines, I said darkly. He grunted as he reached across for the other stocking.


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[Assistant] Well, watch where you toss your elf darts, sasnach.


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[Assistant] He tried a lewd wink, but wound up squinting at me instead.