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[Assistant] Deliver to Helen Thermopolis, 1005 Thompson Street, number 4A.


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[Assistant] I have given everything except the toilet paper to Ronnie next door.


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[Assistant] Ronnie says she is going to hand out the junkiest stuff to any trick-or-treaters who might come by. She has to watch her figure since her sex change operation. Now that she's taking all those estrogen injections, everything goes right to her hips.


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[Assistant] Alright, maybe she doesn't know, but she knows something is wrong. I mean...


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[Assistant] Come on, she's been my best friend since like, kindergarten. She can totally tell when something is bothering me.


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[Assistant] We totally bonded in first grade the day Orville Lockhead dropped dead.


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[Assistant] Trow in front of us in line to the music room.


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[Assistant] I was appalled, having never seen male genitalia before.


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[Assistant] Lily, however, was unimpressed. She has a brother you see, so it was no big surprise to her.


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[Assistant] She just looked Orville straight in the eye and said, I've seen bigger. And you know what? Orville never did it again.


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[Assistant] So you can see that Lily and I share a bond that is stronger than mere friendship.


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[Assistant] Which was why she took just one look at my face when she sat down on her lunch table today and said, What's wrong? Something's wrong. It's not Louis, is it? Did Louis eat another sock?


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[Assistant] Not that it isn't totally scary when Lou eats a sock. I mean, we have to rush him to the animal hospital and all and right away or he could die. A thousand bucks later, we get an old half-digested sock as a souvenir. But at least the cat is back to normal.


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[Assistant] But this, a thousand bucks won't cure this, and nothing will ever be back to normal again.


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[Assistant] Worse, they did it without using anything. I mean, please, who does that anymore?


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[Assistant] I told Lily there wasn't anything wrong, that it was just PMS.


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[Assistant] It was totally embarrassing to admit this in front of my bodyguard Lars, who is sitting there eating a gyro that Tina Hakim Baba's bodyguard, Waheem. Tina has a bodyguard because her father is a sheikh.


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[Assistant] The thing is, who announces the vagaries of her menstrual cycle in front of her bodyguard? But what else was I supposed to say? I noticed Lars totally didn't finish his gyro, though. I think I completely grossed him out. Could this day get any worse? Anyway, even then, Lily didn't drop it.


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[Assistant] I mean, not only is her face kind of small and squashed in, in a nice way, but sometimes when she gets hold of something she simply will not let it go.


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[Assistant] She gave me this journal because she says I have a lot of pent up anger and hostility and I have to get it out somehow since I'm not in touch with my inner child and have an inherent inability to verbalize my feelings.


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[Assistant] I think my mom must have been talking to Lily's parents, who are both psychoanalysts, at the time. But then I found out I was the Princess of Genovia.


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[Assistant] And I started using this journal to record my feelings about that, which, looking back at what I wrote, really were pretty hostile.


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[Assistant] But that's nothing compared with how I feel now.


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[Assistant] Not that I feel hostile towards Mr. Giannini and my mother. I mean, they're adults and all. They can make their own decisions.


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[Assistant] But don't they see that this is one decision that is going to affect not just them, but everyone around them? I mean,


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[Assistant] Romare is not going to like it when she finds out my mother is having another child out of wedlock.


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[Assistant] And what about my father? He's already had testicular cancer this year. Finding out that the mother of his only child is giving birth to another man's baby just might kill him. Not that he's still in love with my mom or anything like that. I don't think.


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[Assistant] What about Fat Louie? How is he going to react to having a baby in the house? He has starved enough for attention as it is, considering I'm the only person who remembers to feed him.


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[Assistant] I guess I wouldn't mind though, having a little sister or brother. It might be cool actually. If it's a girl, I'd share my room with her.


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[Assistant] I could give her bubble baths and dress her up the way Tina Hakeem Baba and I dressed up her little sisters. And her little brother too, now that I think of it. I don't think I want a little brother.


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[Assistant] Tina Hakeem Baba told me that baby boys pee in your face when you try to change them. That is so disgusting, I don't even want to think about it.


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[Assistant] You would think my mother might have considered things like this before deciding to have sex with Mr. Giannini.


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[Assistant] Dear Daddy Longlegs, I've changed my name. I'm still Jerusha in the catalogue, but I'm Judy every place else. It's sort of too bad, isn't it, to have to give yourself the only pet name you ever had? I didn't quite make up the Judy, though. That's what Freddie Perkins used to call me, before he could talk plain.


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[Assistant] I wish Mrs. Lippett would use a little more ingenuity about choosing babies' names. She gets the last names out of the telephone book. You'll find Abbott on the first page. And she picks the Christian names up anywhere. She got Jerusha from a tombstone. I've always hated it. But I rather like Judy. It's such a silly name. It belongs to the kind of girl I'm not. A sweet little blue-eyed thing.


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[Assistant] Who romps her way through life without any cares. Wouldn't it be nice to be like that? Whatever faults I may have.


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[Assistant] I have three pairs of kid gloves. I've had kid mittens before from the Christmas tree


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[Assistant] I take them out and try them on every little while. It's all I can do not to wear them to classes.


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[Assistant] The English instructor said that my last paper shows an unusual amount of originality. She did, truly. Those were her words.


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[Assistant] It doesn't seem possible, does it, considering the 18 years of training that I've had. The aim of the John Greer home, as you doubtless know and heartily approve of,


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[Assistant] Is to turn the 97 orphans into 97 twins. The unusual artistic ability which I exhibit


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[Assistant] was developed at an early age through drawing chalk pictures of Mrs. Lippett on the woodshed door.


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[Assistant] I hope that I don't hurt your feelings when I criticise the home of my youth. But you have the upper hand, you know.


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[Assistant] Drawing. Any orphan. Rear elevation. Front elevation.


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[Assistant] I was queer and different and everybody knew it.


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[Assistant] Nobody here knows that I was brought up in an asylum.


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[Assistant] I told Sally McBride that my mother and father were dead and that a kind old gentleman was sending me to college, which is entirely true so far as it goes. I don't want you to think I am a coward.


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[Assistant] I've just been reading this letter over and it sounds pretty un-cheerful.


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[Assistant] But can't you guess that I have a special topic due Monday morning and a review in Geometry and a very sneezy cold.


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[Assistant] The poor, please observe, being a sort of useful domestic animal.


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[Assistant] If I hadn't grown into such a perfect lady, I should have gone up after service and told him what I thought.


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[Assistant] Commented Kate, the performance artist who likes to stand up on stage and smear chicken fat on herself to make a statement about the beauty industry. She's always worried.


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[Assistant] Said Gretchen, a welder who specializes in metal replicas of body parts.


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[Assistant] Particularly of the male variety. She's me, I remember.


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[Assistant] All the feminists laughed uproariously at that too. This made me feel bad. Like my mom's been talking about me behind my back.


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[Assistant] I mean, I talk about her behind her back, of course.


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[Assistant] Becca, the neon light artist, waved her margarita glass at me knowingly. You should stop thinking so much.


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[Assistant] Because you were already on lithium when you were her age, Kate pointed out. But Becca ignored her. Is it the snails? Becca wanted to know. I just blinked at her. The what? The snails, she said. You know, the ones you dumped in the bay.


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[Assistant] Are you worried about how everyone is upset about them? Uhm, I said


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[Assistant] Why don't you take up yoga? She suggested. That always helps me to relax.


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[Assistant] A watch more TV suggested D who enjoys creating totem poles and then dancing around them with pieces of liver strapped beneath her arms. I couldn't believe this.


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[Assistant] I was being told by these intelligent women to watch more TV. Clearly they're not friends with Karen Martinez. Stop picking on me.


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[Assistant] Windstorm, who happens to be one of my mom's oldest friends, and a midwife, and a minister, and a professional choreographer, got up to put more ice in a blender.


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[Assistant] She's got a right to think too much and freak out if she wants to.


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[Assistant] There isn't anything more stressful than being a fifteen year old, with the possible exception of being a fifteen year old princess. I had never thought of that before. Do I think too much? Do other people not think as much as I do?


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[Assistant] Except, according to Ms. Martinez, I don't think enough.


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[Assistant] I guess it must have been one of those delivery boys slipping a menu under the door, my mom said, coming back to the table. What did I miss?


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[Assistant] Nothing, I said, taking my plate and hurrying off to my room. Have fun, you guys. I mean, women. I wonder if Windstorm is right. How about my thinking too much? Maybe that's my problem. I can't shut my brain off.


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[Assistant] Maybe other people can, but I can't.


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[Assistant] I've never actually tried, of course, because who wants to have an empty head? Except for, you know, the Hilton sisters.


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[Assistant] Because it's probably easier to party all the time if you aren't worrying about killer algae or all the petroleum running out. Still, maybe there's something to it.


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[Assistant] I can hardly sleep at night. My mind is so busy worrying away up there.


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[Assistant] Wondering what I'm going to do if aliens come in the night and take over everything or whatever.


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[Assistant] I would love to be able to shut my mind off the way other people seem to be able to. If Windstorm is right, anyway. Ooh, Michael's instant messaging me now. Skinnerbox. So, are we still getting together on Saturday? Right as Michael asked this, I got another instant message. Women rule. Beel, what are you doing Saturday? Seriously, why me? Why?


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[Assistant] Fat Louie, I can't talk to you right now. I'm I.M.ing your brother. Women rule.


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[Assistant] Tell him Mom's turning his room into a shrine to the Reverend Moon. Fat Louie. Lily, go away. Women rule.


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[Assistant] Just keep Saturday free, okay? It's important. It has to do with the campaign. Fat Louie. I already have plans with your brother on Saturday. Women rule. What, are you two going to do it then or something? Fat Louie.


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[Assistant] No one, geez, don't get the princess panties in a royal twist. Why would you even get so mad about that unless... Wait, are you guys doing it? And you didn't tell me? Fat Louie. No, for the last time we are not doing it. Skinnerbox. Doing what? What are you talking about? Oh. My. God. Fat Louie. Not you. I meant to send that to Lily.


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[Assistant] Skinner box. Wait, is Lily I.M.ing you right now too? Women rule.


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[Assistant] Tell her if she doesn't cut it out, I'll tell mom about the time she did the gravitational experiment with grandma's Hummel figurines. Fat Louie.


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[Assistant] Both of you, stop it! You're driving me insane! Fat Louie. Terminated. Seriously.


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[Assistant] I'm glad I'm a baby licker, if it means Rocky and I will never end up like those two.


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[Assistant] Thursday, September 10th, homeroom. Oh. My. God. That is all I have to say.


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[Assistant] But I thought one day was way, way in the future.


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[Assistant] As far into the future as the day we go out to sea together to stop those whaling ships for Greenpeace.


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[Assistant] I mean, we have only been to second base once, and that was at the prom, and I'm pretty sure now it wasn't even on purpose, and I didn't even feel anything because of my strapless bra having way too much metal in it.


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[Assistant] Am I supposed to believe that all this time I have been supposed to be getting ready to do it? But I am not ready to do it. I don't think.


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[Assistant] I mean, I don't even want Michael to see me in a bathing suit, let alone naked. Oh my god.


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[Assistant] What if that was really an invitation to come over and do it? And I don't even know it because I am so unskilled in the ways of love. What am I going to do about this? Clearly, I need to talk to someone. But who?


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[Assistant] And I can't talk to Tina, because she already told me the most precious gift a woman can give to a man is the flower of her virginity, and that's why she's saving herself for Prince William, who is only allowed to marry a virgin.


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[Assistant] She says she will settle for giving her flower to Boris if the Prince William thing doesn't work out by the time our senior prom rolls around though. I can't talk to my mother about it.


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[Assistant] Because she can barely concentrate on the things she's supposed to be concentrating on, like raising my baby brother, as it is, without the added distraction of her teenage daughter wanting to talk to her about sex. Besides, I know what she'll do.


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[Assistant] She'll schedule an appointment for me with her gynecologist. Excuse me, but ew. And obviously I can't say a word to dad because


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[Assistant] Seriously, my heart is beating like a million times a minute and practically exploding out of my chest. I think I have to go to the nurse. I think I have to... Mrs. Hill just asked me if I'm alright.


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[Assistant] Since it's the first day of class, she is pretending like she actually intends to supervise us this year.


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[Assistant] She made us all fill out a form stating what our goal for the semester is. You know, in this class. I peeked at Boris' and he'd written


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[Assistant] To learn Antonin Dvorak's violin concerto in A minor by heart and win a Grammy like my hero, Joshua Bell. Frankly, I don't think that's a very realistic goal.


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[Assistant] But Boris is almost as hot as Joshua Bell now, so maybe it really is doable. If hotness counts to the Grammy judges.


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[Assistant] I tried to pick at Lily's goal, but she's being way secretive.


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[Assistant] She put her hand over her paper and went back off baby liquor to me in a very rude way.


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[Assistant] I doubt she would be so mean if she knew the intense emotional maelstrom currently swirling within me concerning the future of my relationship with her brother. Since I didn't know what to put as my goal, I don't even know why I'm in this class this semester, I just wrote down


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[Assistant] To write a novel and to not flunk geometry.


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[Assistant] Well, that's because she was always locked in the teacher's lounge. But still. I told her I'm fine. But the truth is...


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[Assistant] I don't think I'll ever be fine again, thanks to Lana.


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[Assistant] Tuesday, September 8th, U.S. Government Theories of Government Divine Right


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[Assistant] Creation of government is divine intervention in human affairs. Religious and secular were interwoven.


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[Assistant] Gave the throne to my Ancestress Rosagund because of her bravery in the field of battle.


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[Assistant] Or the bedroom, I guess, considering that's where she killed her people's mortal enemy, Alboen.


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[Assistant] Since I have a feeling I'm going to be sadly lacking in that area, as I don't even like to look at myself naked, let alone permit anyone else to look at me. John Long


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[Assistant] A seventeenth century philosopher opposed divine right. He and others said,


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[Assistant] Psych on all you kings and pharaohs going around saying God put you on the throne. In your face.


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[Assistant] My re-examination comes the seventh hour next Tuesday and I am going to pass or bust.


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[Assistant] So you may expect to hear from me next, whole and happy and free from conditions or in fragments. I will write a respectable letter when it's over.


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[Assistant] Tonight I have a pressing engagement with the ablative absolute. Yours, in Evident Haste, J.A.


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[Assistant] Um, thank you, Mia. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Principal Gupta take a step toward me. That was very enlightening. But I pretended like I hadn't heard her. That's right.


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[Assistant] Principal Gupta was giving me the okay to sit down, to get out of the limelight, to shrink back down into my chair. And I blew her off.


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[Assistant] Because I had some more stuff to get off my unendowed chest.


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[Assistant] But that's not all that's wrong with this school, I said into the microphone, enjoying the way it made my voice bounce around the gym.


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[Assistant] How about the fact that there are people working here, people who call themselves teachers, who seem to feel that theirs is the only legitimate form of expression?


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[Assistant] Are we really going to tolerate being told by instructors in a field as subjective as something like, oh, English, for example?


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[Assistant] That the subject matter of our essays is inappropriate because it might be considered, by some, not substantive enough in topical importance.


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[Assistant] If, for instance, I choose to write a paper about the historical significance of Japanese anime or manga, is my paper worth less than someone else's essay on the caldera in Yellowstone Park that might one day explode, killing tens of thousands of people? Or, I added, as everyone started buzzing because


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[Assistant] They didn't know that Yellowstone Park is nothing more than a deadly magma reservoir.


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[Assistant] And probably a lot of them have been unknowingly going there on family vacations and what not.


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[Assistant] Just as important as the paper on the caldera at Yellowstone, because knowing as we do now that such a caldera exists, we need something entertaining, such as Japanese anime or manga, to get our minds off it! There was a moment of stunned silence. Then someone from somewhere in the middle of the bleachers yelled,


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[Assistant] Final Fantasy! Someone else yelled, Dragon Ball! Another person from way at the top shouted, Pokemon! And got a big laugh.


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[Assistant] Maybe things like the lottery and television were invented to sell products, bilk workers of their hard-earned cash, and lull us all into a false sense of complacency and distract us from the true horrors of the world around us.


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[Assistant] But maybe we need those distractions. So that during our leisure time, we can enjoy ourselves, I went on.


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[Assistant] Is there something wrong with after our work is done, hanging out and watching a little of the OC, or singing karaoke, or reading comic books?


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[Assistant] Does something have to be complicated and hard to understand to be culture?


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[Assistant] After we're all dead from the Yellowstone caldera, or the ice caps melting, or no more petroleum, or killer algae taking over the planet.


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[Assistant] When whatever remains of human civilization looks back at early 21st century society.


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[Assistant] Which do you think is going to better describe what our lives were really like?


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[Assistant] An essay on the ways in which the media exploits us? Or a single episode of Sailor Moon?


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[Assistant] Not because the computer club had finally succeeded in building a killer robot and setting it loose among the cheerleaders, but because of what I'd said. Really, because of what I, Mia Thermopoulos, had said. The thing was though, I wasn't finished. So today, I said, having to shout to be heard over the applause,


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[Assistant] When you're casting your vote for Student Council President, ask yourself this question.


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[Assistant] What is meant by the people in the phrase governance of the people by the people? Does it mean the privileged few or the vast majority of us who were born without a silver pom pom in our mouths? Then vote for the candidate who you feel most represents you, the people. And then,


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[Assistant] My heart slamming into my ribs, I turned, tossed Principal Gupta the microphone, and ran from the gym, to thunderous applause, and into the safety of this bathroom stall. The thing is, I feel so weird.


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[Assistant] I mean, I have never in my life stood up and done anything like that.


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[Assistant] Well, except for the parking meter thing, but that was different. I wasn't asking people to support me.


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[Assistant] I was asking people to put their trust, their vote, in me.


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[Assistant] Not like in Genovia where that support is kind of automatic because, uhm,


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[Assistant] There is no other princess. It's just me. What I say goes. Or will, you know, when I take over the throne. Uh oh. I hear voices in the hallway. The debate must be over. I wonder what Lana said in her rebuttal. I probably should have stuck around to rebut her rebuttal. But I couldn't. I just couldn't. Oh no. I hear Lily.


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[Assistant] Friday, September 11th, The Plaza, Room 1620. Time late.


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[Assistant] Oh my god, Ling Su found the coolest quiz online and brought it with her so that we can all do it and find out stuff about ourselves. Quiz. Do not cheat.


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[Assistant] No reading ahead, just answer the questions in order. First, get a pen and paper.


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[Assistant] When you choose names, make sure it's people you actually know.


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[Assistant] Go with your first instinct. Do this now. One.


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[Assistant] First, write the numbers 1 through 11 in a column. 2. Beside numbers 1 and 2,


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[Assistant] Write down any two numbers you want.


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[Assistant] Beside the three and seven write down the names of members of the opposite sex. Four.


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[Assistant] Write anyone's name, like friends or family, in spots four, five, and six. Five.


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[Assistant] Write down 4 song titles in 8, 9, 10, and 11.


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[Assistant] Kenny Showalter. Eight. Crazy in Love, Beyonce. Nine. Bootylicious, Destiny's Child. Ten. Belle, Beauty and the Beast. Eleven. Theme Song from Friends. Answer Key. One.


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[Assistant] You must tell the numbers in spaces one and two people about this game. Two.


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[Assistant] The person in space three is the one whom you love. Three.


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[Assistant] The person in seven is one who you like but can't work out.


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[Assistant] You care most about the person you put in for. Five.


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[Assistant] The person you name in number five is the one who knows you very well.


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[Assistant] Six. The person you name in six is your lucky star. Seven.


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[Assistant] The song in eight is the song that matches with the person in number three. Eight.


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[Assistant] The title in 9 is the song for the person in 7. 9.


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[Assistant] The song in ten tells you most about your mind. Ten.


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[Assistant] The answer in 11 is the song telling you how you feel about life.


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[Assistant] Oh my god! This is so crazy! It's all so true!


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[Assistant] Like, Michael is totally the person I love. And Rocky is totally my lucky star. And Lily is the person who knows me the best.


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[Assistant] And Fat Louie is the person, or cat, that I care about the most. And I don't think I'll ever figure out Kenny.


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[Assistant] Bootylicious is an appropriate song for him because one thing I do know, I don't think he's ready for this jelly. And I am definitely crazy in love with Michael. And the Friends theme song is totally my life. No one told you life was gonna be this way.


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[Assistant] Because nobody ever told me I was going to be Princess of Genovia.


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[Assistant] And as for the song Belle, Lily can laugh all she wants. But it is one of my favorite songs ever.


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[Assistant] And yeah, Ms. Martinez would probably find that reprehensible.


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[Assistant] You know, a so-called writer liking a song from a Disney musical. But whatever. Belle and I have a lot in common. We both always have our head in a book. Well, mine's a journal, but whatever. And everyone thinks we're weird.


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[Assistant] This is so much fun. We've ordered like everything from Room Service.


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[Assistant] And a little while ago, Lily practically made us all wet ourselves from laughing so hard after Shamika told her about Perrin from French and how we can't tell if Perrin is a boy or a girl, and Lily said we should go into class on Monday and make a circle around Perrin and chant


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[Assistant] Pull down your pants. Pull down your pants. So we could look and see.


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[Assistant] Could you imagine the look on Mademoiselle Klein's face if we did that? Only of course, I think that would be sexual harassment. And it wouldn't be very nice to parent that poor girl. Or boy.


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[Assistant] So then we all jumped up and down on the bed and chanted, pull down your pants, pull down your pants at the top of our lungs until I thought I actually might wet my pants from laughing so hard. Next, we're going to have a karaoke contest.


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[Assistant] Because I told everyone about how if we are ever traveling cross country and we have to sing for gas money and all, like Britney Spears and Crossroads, we'll need a good act. So we're gonna get on that right away.


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[Assistant] Oh, and Michael called a minute ago, but I couldn't hear what he was saying on account of how Tina was screaming because we found a love note Boris left in her backpack and Lingsoo was reading it out loud. Even Lily was laughing. This is the best night ever. Except, of course, for the night of the non-denominational winter dance.


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[Assistant] And the night Michael and I watched Star Wars together and he told me he was in love with me, not just loved me. And the prom. Except for those. Note to self.


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[Assistant] Remember to tell mom to keep Rocky away from Papa's chewing tobacco. Nicotine is toxic to babies if ingested. I saw it on Law and Order.


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[Assistant] Lily, Shamika, Tina, Lingsu, and Mia's list of totally hot guys. 1.


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[Assistant] This is so wrong. Bora should not be on this list, but Lily and I were outvoted.


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[Assistant] Except that none of what happened in that movie could ever happen in real life, since Genove is a principality, not a monarchy, and it doesn't matter if the heir is married or not.


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[Assistant] Plus, Skinner Box is unlikely to get a record deal since most of its members are too busy getting college degrees slash 30-day sobriety chips to practice. Four, Seth from the OC. Five, Harry Potter. Because even though he plays a boy wizard, he's getting kind of hot. Six, Jesse Bradford from Swimfan.


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[Assistant] 7. Chad Michael Murray from a Cinderella Story and One Tree Hill. Ooh la la. 8.


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[Assistant] Samantha's hot boyfriend on Sex and the City, particularly when he shaved his head for her.


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[Assistant] Shamika had to abstain from voting on this one since her dad won't let her watch this show.


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[Assistant] Even if Mia is the only one who thinks Hellboy is hot on account of her obsession with two-dimensional heroes.


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[Assistant] Hello, this is Jim Dale, narrator of the Harry Potter audiobook series.


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[Assistant] Listening to audiobooks isn't just great entertainment, it's also a great way for your family to experience and enjoy books together. Studies have shown that listening to stories read aloud helps children build vocabulary, improve their reading skills and succeed more readily in school.


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[Assistant] It's an important step on the road to becoming a good reader, and one of the best ways to help ensure a lifelong love of literature for the children you care about.


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[Assistant] Check your local retailer for the wide selection of audiobooks available from Listening Library. Or if you would like to visit us online for more information, check our website at www.listeninglibrary.com Thank you and happy listening.


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[Assistant] Some days later, Bruno was lying on the bed in his room staring at the ceiling above his head.


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[Assistant] The white paint was cracked and peeling away from itself in a most unpleasant manner, unlike the paintwork in the house in Berlin, which was never chipped and received an annual top-up every summer when Mother brought the decorators in.


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[Assistant] On this particular afternoon he lay there and stared at the spidery cracks, narrowing his eyes to consider what might lie behind him.


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[Assistant] He imagined that there were insects living in the spaces between the paint and the ceiling itself which were pushing it out, cracking it wide, opening it up, trying to create a gap so that they could squeeze through and look for a window where they might make their escape. Nothing, thought Bruno, not even the insects would ever choose to stay it out with.


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[Assistant] Everything here is horrible, he said out loud, even though there was no one present to hear him. But somehow, it made him feel better to hear the words stated anyway.


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[Assistant] I hate this house. I hate my room, and I even hate the paintwork. I hate it all. Absolutely everything. Just as he finished speaking.


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[Assistant] Maria came through the door carrying an armful of his washed, dried and iron clothes.


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[Assistant] For although talking to a maid wasn't quite the same thing as having some friends to talk to,


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[Assistant] Said Maria quietly, separating his vests from his trousers and his underwear and putting them in different drawers and on different shelves.


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[Assistant] I expect you're as unhappy about this new arrangement as I am, said Bruno.


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[Assistant] Selecting the right words, preparing to say them and then thinking better of it and discarding them altogether. Bruno had known her for almost all his life. She had come to work for them when he was only three years old.


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[Assistant] I always enjoyed the garden at the house in Berlin, said Maria, answering an entirely different question. Sometimes when it was a warm afternoon.


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[Assistant] I like to sit out there in the sunshine and eat my lunch underneath the ivy tree by the pond. The flowers were very beautiful there. The scent.


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[Assistant] The way the bees hovered around them had never bothered you if you just left them alone.


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[Assistant] So you don't like it here then, asked Bruno. You think it's as bad as I do. Maria frowned. It's not important, he said. What isn't? What I think. Well of course it's important, said Bruno irritably, as if she was just being deliberately difficult. You're part of the family, aren't you?


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[Assistant] I'm not sure whether your father would agree with that, said Maria, allowing herself a smile, because she was touched by what he just said.


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[Assistant] Well, you've been brought here against your will, just like I have. If you ask me, we're all in the same boat. And it's leaking. For a moment.


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[Assistant] She laid the rest of his clothes down on the bed and her hands clenched into fists, as


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[Assistant] As if she was scared of all the things she might say if she allowed herself to begin.


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[Assistant] Please tell me Maria, said Bruno, because maybe if we all feel the same way we can persuade Father to take us home again.


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[Assistant] She looked away from him for a few silent moments and shook her head sadly before turning back to face him. Your father knows what is for the best, she said. You must trust in that.


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[Assistant] But I'm not sure I do, said Bruno. I think he's made a terrible mistake. Then it's a mistake we all have to live with.


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[Assistant] When I make mistakes I get punished, insisted Bruno, irritated by the fact that the rules that always apply to children never seem to apply to grown-ups at all, despite the fact that they were the ones who enforced them. Stupid father, he added under his breath.


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[Assistant] She looked round to make sure that no one was listening to them and had heard what Bruno had just said. You mustn't say that, she said. You must never say something like that about your father. Don't see why not, said Bruno. He was a little ashamed of himself for having said it.


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[Assistant] But the last thing he was going to do was sit back and receive a telling off when no one seemed to care about his opinions anyway.


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[Assistant] There are many things your father has done, she said. Many things of which you should be proud. If it wasn't for your father, where would I be now, after all?


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[Assistant] Back in Berlin, I expect, said Bruno, working in a nice house, eating a lunch underneath the ivy, and leaving the bees alone. You don't remember when I came to work for you, do you? she asked quietly, sitting down for a moment on the side of his bed, something she had never done before. How could you? You were only three. Your father took me in and helped me when I needed him. He gave me a job, a home.


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[Assistant] Food. You can't imagine what it's like to need food. You've never been hungry, have you? Bruno Fraun.


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[Assistant] He wanted to mention that he was feeling a bit peckish right now, but instead he looked across at Maria and realized for the first time that he had never fully considered her to be a person with a life and a history all of her own.


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[Assistant] After all, she had never done anything as far as he knew, other than be his family's maid.


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[Assistant] He wasn't even sure that he had ever seen her dressed in anything other than her maid's uniform. But when he came to think of it, as he did now...


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[Assistant] He had to admit there must be more to her life than just waiting on him and his family. She must have thoughts in her head just like him.


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[Assistant] She must have things that she missed, friends whom she wanted to see again, just like him.


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[Assistant] And she must have cried herself to sleep every night since she got here, just like boys far less grown up and brave than him.


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[Assistant] My mother knew your father when he was just a boy of your age, said Maria after a few moments. She worked for your grandmother.


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[Assistant] She was a dresser for her when she toured Germany as a younger woman.


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[Assistant] She arranged all the clothes for her concerts, washed them, ironed them, repaired them.


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[Assistant] Magnificent gowns, all of them. And the stitching, Bruno. Like artwork, every design.


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[Assistant] She made sure that they were all laid out and ready whenever your grandmother arrived in her dressing room before a show.


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[Assistant] Of course my mother stayed friendly with her and received a small pension.


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[Assistant] He paid for it out of his own pocket because she had been a friend to his mother. And he took me into his household for the same reason. And when she died, he paid all the expenses for her funeral too. So don't you ever call your father stupid, Bruno. Not around me. I won't allow it.


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[Assistant] He had hoped that Maria would take his side in the campaign to get away from Outwith, but he could see where her loyalties really lay.


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[Assistant] Yes, said Maria, standing up and walking over towards the window, the one through which Bruno could see all the way to the huts and the people in the distance.


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[Assistant] He was very kind to me then, she continued quietly, looking through it herself now, and watching the people and the soldiers go about their business far away.


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[Assistant] He has a lot of kindness in his soul. Truly he does. Which makes me wonder.


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[Assistant] She drifted off as she watched them and her voice cracked suddenly. And she sounded as if she might cry.


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[Assistant] Bruno recognised footsteps, pounding up the stairs towards them, quicker and quicker, and he crawled back on the bed, pressing himself against the wall, suddenly afraid of what was going to happen next. He held his breath, expecting trouble. But it was only Gretel, the hopeless case.


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[Assistant] She poked her head through the doorway and seemed surprised to find her brother and the family maid engaged in conversation.


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[Assistant] Get out yourself, she replied, even though it was his room, and then turned to look at Maria, narrowing her eyes suspiciously as she did so. Run your bath, Maria, will you? she asked. Why can't you run your own bath? snapped Bruno.


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[Assistant] Because she's the maid, said Gretel staring at him. That's what she's here for.


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[Assistant] That's not what she's here for, shouted Bruno, standing up and marching over to her. She's not just here to do things for us all the time, you know, especially things that we can do ourselves. Gretel stared at him as if he'd gone mad, and then looked at Maria, who shook her head quickly. Of course, Miss Gretel, said Maria.


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[Assistant] I'll just finish tidying your brother's clothes away, and I'll be right with you. Well don't be long, said Gretel rudely.


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[Assistant] Because unlike Bruno, she never stopped to think about the fact that Maria was a person with feelings just like hers, before marching off back to her room and closing the door behind her. Maria's eyes didn't follow her, but her cheeks had taken on a pink glow.


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[Assistant] You mustn't say it out loud, said Maria quickly, coming towards him, and looking as if she wanted to shake some sense into him. Promise me you won't.


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[Assistant] But why? he asked, frowning. I'm only saying what I feel. I'm allowed to do that, aren't I? No, she said. No, you're not.


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[Assistant] Not allowed to say what I feel, he repeated incredulous. No! she insisted.


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[Assistant] Well, he muttered standing up now and heading over towards the door, suddenly anxious to be away from her.


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[Assistant] I was only saying I didn't like it here, that's all. I was just making conversation while you put the clothes away. It's not like I'm planning on running away or anything. Although if I did, I don't think anyone could criticize me for it.


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[Assistant] And he blinked a few times very quickly so that Maria wouldn't see how he felt. Although when he caught her eye again...


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[Assistant] He thought that perhaps there must be something strange in the air that day because her eyes looked as if they were filling with tears too. All in all he began to feel very awkward, so he turned his back on her and made his way to the door. Where are you going? asked Maria.


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[Assistant] Outside, said Bruno angrily. If it's any of your business. He had walked slowly.


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[Assistant] He could see the gate that led to the road that led to the train station that led home. But the idea of going there...


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[Assistant] The idea of running away and being left on his own without anyone at all was even more unpleasant to him than the idea of staying.


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[Assistant] Chapter 9 Bruno remembers that he used to enjoy exploration.


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[Assistant] It had been several weeks since he'd even thought about sending another letter to grandfather or grandmother, let alone actually sitting down and writing one.


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[Assistant] The soldiers still came and went every day of the week, holding meetings in father's office, which was still out of bounds at all times and no exceptions.


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[Assistant] Lieutenant Cartless still strode around in his black boots, as if there was no one in the whole world of any more importance than him.


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[Assistant] And when he wasn't with father, he was standing in the driveway talking to Gretel while she laughed hysterically and twirled her hair around her fingers, or whispering alone in rooms with mother.


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[Assistant] The servants still came and washed things and swept things and cooked things and cleaned things and served things and took things away and kept their mouths shut unless they were spoken to.


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[Assistant] Where a tiny scar from his swing-related accident was in evidence. But other than that, they never spoke to each other.


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[Assistant] Father decided it was time for the children to return to their studies.


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[Assistant] And although it seemed ridiculous to Bruno that school should take place when there were only two students to teach


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[Assistant] Both mother and father agreed that a tutor should come to the house every day and fill their mornings and afternoons with lessons.


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[Assistant] A few mornings later, a man called Hare List rattled up the driveway on his bone shaker, and it was time for school again. Hare List was a mystery to Bruno.


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[Assistant] Her list was particularly fond of history and geography, while Bruno preferred reading and art.


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[Assistant] Your grandmother was not your teacher, though, was she? She was your grandmother.


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[Assistant] And here, I am your teacher, so you will study the things that I say are important, and not just the things you like yourself. But aren't books important? asked Bruno.


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[Assistant] Books about things that matter in the world, of course, explained her list. But not storybooks. Not books about things that never happened. How much do you know of your history anyway, young man?


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[Assistant] To his credit, her list referred to Bruno as Young Man, like Pavel, and unlike Lieutenant


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[Assistant] I know I was born on April the 15th, 1934, said Bruno, not your history, interrupted hairlist, not your own personal history, I mean the history of who you are, where you come from, your family's heritage, the fatherland. Bruno frowned and considered it.


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[Assistant] He wasn't entirely sure that father had any land, because although the house in Berlin was a large and comfortable house, there wasn't very much garden space around it.


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[Assistant] I felt quite pleased by this, as he assumed that he would finally be given an explanation


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[Assistant] And that he had done all the time back in Berlin, and that was exploring.


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[Assistant] When I was a child, Bruno said to himself, I used to enjoy exploring. And that was in Berlin.


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[Assistant] Well I knew everywhere and could find anything I wanted with a blindfold on. I've never really done any exploring here. Perhaps it's time to start.


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[Assistant] And then, before he could change his mind, Bruno jumped off his bed and rummaged in his wardrobe for an overcoat and an old pair of boots, the kind of clothes he thought a real explorer might wear, and prepared to leave the house.


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[Assistant] There was no point doing any exploring inside. After all, this wasn't like the house in Berlin, which he could just about remember had hundreds of nooks and crannies and strange little rooms, not to mention five floors, if you counted the basement and the little room at the top with the window he needed to stand on tiptoes to see through. Nerve, this was a terrible houseful exploration. If there was any to be done, it would have to be done outside.


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[Assistant] Bruno had been looking out of his bedroom window at the garden, then the bench with the plaque on it.


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[Assistant] The tall fence and the wooden telegraph poles and all the other things he'd written to grandmother about in his most recent letter.


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[Assistant] And as often as he had watched the people, all the different kinds of people in their striped pajamas, it had never really occurred to him to wonder what it was all about. It was as if it were another city entirely.


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[Assistant] The people all living and working together side by side with the house where he lived. And were they really so different?


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[Assistant] All the people in the camp wore the same clothes. Those pyjamas and their striped cloth caps too.


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[Assistant] And all the people who wandered through his house, with the exception of Mother Gretel and him, wore uniforms of varying quality and decoration and caps and helmets with bright red and black armbands and carried guns and always looked terribly stern. As if it was all very important really, and no one should think otherwise.


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[Assistant] And who decided which people wore the striped pajamas and which people wore the uniforms?


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[Assistant] He'd often seen the people from his side of the fence on the other side of the fence, and when he watched it was clear that they were in charge.


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[Assistant] The pajama people all jumped to attention whenever the soldiers approached, and sometimes they fell to the ground, and sometimes they didn't even get up and had to be carried away instead.


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[Assistant] It's funny that I've never wondered about those people, Bruno thought. And it's funny that when you think of all the times the soldiers go over there, and he had even seen father go over there on many occasions, that none of them had ever been invited back to the house. Sometimes, not very often, but sometimes, a few of the soldiers stayed to dinner.


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[Assistant] And when they did, a lot of frothy drinks were served, and the moment Gretel and Bruno had put the last fork full of food in their mouths, they were sent away to their rooms, and then there was a lot of noise downstairs, and some terrible singing too.


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[Assistant] Father and mother obviously enjoyed the company of the soldiers. Bruno could tell that.


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[Assistant] But they never once invited any of the striped pajama people to dinner. Leaving the house.


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[Assistant] Bruno went round the back and looked up towards his own bedroom window which from down here did not look quite so high anymore.


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[Assistant] You could probably jump out of it and not do too much damage to yourself, he considered, although he couldn't imagine the circumstances in which he would try such an idiotic thing. Perhaps if the house were on fire and he was trapped in there, but even then it would seem risky. He looked as far to his right as he could see, and the tall fence seemed to carry on in the sunlight.


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[Assistant] There was one good thing that Hair Lister taught him about in their history lessons, men like Christopher Columbus and Amerigo Vespucci, men with such adventurous stories and interesting lives that it only confirmed in Bruno's mind that he wanted to be like them when he grew up.


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[Assistant] All these months he'd been looking at it and staring at the plaque from a distance and calling it the bench with the plaque. But he still had no idea what it said. Looking left and right to make sure that no one was coming, he ran over to it and squinted as he read the words. It was only a small bronze plaque, and Bruno read it quietly to himself.


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[Assistant] Presented on the occasion of the opening of... He hesitated.


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[Assistant] Out with camp, he continued, stumbling over the name as usual. June 1940.


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[Assistant] And the bronze was very cold, so he pulled his fingers away before taking a deep breath and beginning his journey.


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[Assistant] The one thing Bruno tried not to think about was that he'd been told on countless occasions by both mother and father that he was not allowed to walk in this direction.


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[Assistant] That he was not allowed anywhere near the fence or the camp and most particularly that exploration was banned at Outwith. With no exceptions.


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[Assistant] How relieved they'll be when five o'clock comes and you pat them on the head and take yourselves off. Did you, individually, ever pat me on the head, Daddy? I don't believe so.


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[Assistant] I am perfectly sure every moment of my life that I am happy.


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[Assistant] Don't take this new affection for the JGH too literally. If I have five children, like Russo,


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[Assistant] For a long time, Colin was just this short kid who seemed to end up in my class every year.


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[Assistant] In third grade, he and I spent about a week convincing Alice Evans that velour was a kind of animal fur, and she refused to wear it for the rest of the year. But aside from that, we had never hung out together.


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[Assistant] I'd seen him with his skateboard in the park a few times, and he'd always let me have a turn on it, but that was all. And then suddenly he was everywhere.


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[Assistant] He came downstairs with me and Anne-Marie at lunch, or yelled, Hold up!


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[Assistant] And walked to Broadway with us after school to get drinks at Jimmy's Sandwich Shop.


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[Assistant] It was Colin who had the idea to ask Jimmy for a job.


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[Assistant] I'm pretty sure he was kidding. Colin was always saying weird stuff to people that made you partly proud to know him, and partly wish you weren't standing next to him. Attention-seeking is what Mom would call him.


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[Assistant] Hey, Colin said to Jimmy after school one day in the beginning of November when we were paying for our cokes.


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[Assistant] It was me, Anne-Marie, and Colin standing there.


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[Assistant] Us, Colin said. We could work after school. Jimmy grabbed a pickle chunk out of the setup tray.


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[Assistant] Which I didn't know the name of yet. And tossed it into his mouth.


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[Assistant] I don't need help that late. What about when I open up?


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[Assistant] I didn't think Jimmy was serious, but Colin said we should show up at lunchtime the next day, just in case.


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[Assistant] And it turned out he was serious. The three of us worked during lunch for the rest of that week. We washed a lot of greasy plastic trays, weighed piles of sliced meat, which is as gross as it sounds,


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[Assistant] Stacked up sodas in the refrigerated case, cut tomatoes, and did whatever else Jimmy said to do.


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[Assistant] I guess it's obvious that Jimmy was kind of weird. Because no normal person would have given 40 minute a day jobs to three sixth graders.


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[Assistant] On our first day, Jimmy spent about five entire minutes pointing to a plastic bank shaped like Fred Flintstone that he had up on a shelf in the back room.


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[Assistant] When I pointed Jimmy's weirdness out to Anne Marie, she said, yeah, but he's nice weird, not creepy weird.


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[Assistant] You think? I said. What about the creepy cartoon bank? She shrugged.


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[Assistant] My dad collects stuff like that too. Lots of people do.


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[Assistant] It turned out that Jimmy didn't intend to pay us any money.


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[Assistant] Instead, he let us each pick a soda from the refrigerator and make a sandwich from the stuff in the setup tray on the counter.


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[Assistant] The setup tray was just lettuce, tomato, onions, American cheese, Swiss cheese, and pickles. The other food, sliced turkey, ham, roast beef, and salami, a big tub of tuna salad, and meatballs in a plug-in pot, was off limits.


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[Assistant] Every day we took our cheese sandwiches back to school and ate them at our desks during silent reading period.


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[Assistant] I sat next to Alice Evans, who never complained about anything. And Anne-Marie sat next to Jay Stringer, who was oblivious to the world when he was reading. But Colin sat next to Julia. Mr. Tomkin?


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[Assistant] Julia said on the Friday of our first week at Jimmy's.


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[Assistant] Colin is eating his lunch at his desk again, and I despise the smell of pickles.


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[Assistant] Mr. Tomkin looked up over the top of his book, adjusted his toothpick, and said, Try breathing through your mouth.


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[Assistant] Chapter 18 Thinking up the Final Adventure


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[Assistant] The day after father told Bruno that he would be returning to Berlin soon, Schmuel didn't arrive at the fence as usual. Nor did he show up the day after that.


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[Assistant] On the third day when Bruno arrived, there was no one sitting cross-legged on the ground, and he waited for ten minutes, and was about to turn back for home, extremely worried that he would have to leave outwith without seeing his friend again. When a dot in the distance became a speck, and that became a blob, and that became a figure, and that in turn became the boy in the striped pajamas.


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[Assistant] But even from a distance he could see that his friend looked even more unhappy than usual.


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[Assistant] And when he got to the fence, he didn't reach for the food with his usual eagerness.


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[Assistant] I thought you weren't coming anymore, said Bruno. I came yesterday, and the day before that, and you weren't here. I'm sorry, said Shmuel. Something happened.


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[Assistant] He wondered whether Shmuel had been told that he was going home too. After all, coincidences like that do happen, such as the fact that Bruno and Shmuel shared the same birthday. Well, asked Bruno, what was it? Papa, said Shmuel. We can't find him. Can't find him? That's very odd. You mean he's lost? I suppose so, said Shmuel.


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[Assistant] He was here on Monday and then he went on work duty with some other men, and none of them have come back.


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[Assistant] And hasn't he written you a letter, asked Bruno, or left a note to say when he'll be coming back? No, said Shmoop. How odd, said Bruno.


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[Assistant] I did what you're always talking about, I did some exploration. And there was no sign? None. Well, that's very strange, said Bruno. But I think there must be a simple explanation. And what's that? Ashmoor.


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[Assistant] I imagine the men were taken to work in another town, and they have to stay there for a few days until the work is done, and the post isn't very good here anyway. I expect he'll turn up one day soon. I hope so, said Shmuel, who looked as if he was about to cry. I don't know what we're supposed to do without him.


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[Assistant] I don't think that would be a good idea, said Schmool, which to Bruno's disappointment was not a flat-out rejection of the offer. Why not? he asked. Father is very knowledgeable about life on that side of the fence. I don't think the soldiers like us, said Schmool. Well, he added with something as close to a laugh as he could muster. I know they don't like us. They hate us.


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[Assistant] Bruno sat back in surprise. I'm sure they don't hate you, he said.


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[Assistant] He had seen Bruno's father on any number of occasions and couldn't understand how such a man could have a son who was so friendly and kind.


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[Assistant] Anyway, said Bruno after a suitable pause, not wishing to discuss that topic any further, I have something to tell you too. You do? Ashmoor looking up hopefully. Yes. I'm going back to Berlin.


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[Assistant] Shmool's mouth dropped open in surprise. When? He asked, his voice catching slightly in his throat as he did so. Well, this is Thursday, said Bruno, and we're leaving on Saturday, after lunch. But for how long, ah, Shmool? I think it's forever, said Bruno.


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[Assistant] Mother doesn't like it at Outwith, she says it's no place to bring up two children. So father is staying here to work because the Fury has big things in mind for him, but the rest of us are going home. He said the word home, despite the fact that he wasn't sure where home was anymore. So I won't see you again, asked Schmuel. Well, some day, yes, said Bruno. You could come on a holiday to Berlin. You can't stay here forever after all, can you? Schmuel shook his head. I suppose not, he said sadly.


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[Assistant] I won't have anyone to talk to anymore when you're gone, he added. No, said Bruno. He wanted to add the words, I'll miss you too, schmool, to the sentence, but found that he was a little embarrassed to say them.


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[Assistant] So tomorrow will be the last time we see each other until then, he continued. We'll have to say our goodbyes then. I'll try to bring you an extra special treat. Schmuel nodded, but couldn't find any words to express his sorrow.


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[Assistant] I wish we'd got to play together, said Bruno after a long pause. Just once. Just to remember. So do I, said Schmoor.


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[Assistant] And then reached down and put his hand under the fence and lifted it a little to the height where a small boy, perhaps the size and shape of Bruno, could fit underneath. Well, said Schmool, why don't you then? Bruno blinked and thought about it. I don't think I'd be allowed, he said doubtfully.


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[Assistant] Well, you're probably not allowed to come here and talk to me every day either, said Shmuel. But you still do it, don't you?


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[Assistant] But if I was caught I'd be in trouble, said Bruno, who was sure mother and father would not approve. That's true.


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[Assistant] Suddenly Bruno had a brainwave. Unless...


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[Assistant] He began thinking about it for a moment and allowing a plan to hatch in his head.


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[Assistant] He reached a hand up to his head and felt where his hair used to be but was now just stubble that hadn't fully grown back.


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[Assistant] Don't you remember that you said I looked like you, Yashmul, since I had my head shaved?


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[Assistant] Only fatter, conceded Schmuel. Well, if that's the case, said Bruno, and if I had a pair of striped pyjamas too, then I could come over on a visit and no one would be any the wiser. Schmuel's face brightened up and he broke into a wide smile. Do you think so? he asked. Would you do it?


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[Assistant] Of course, said Bruno, it would be a great adventure, our final adventure. I could do some exploring at last. And you could help me look for Papa, said Shmuel. Why not, said Bruno.


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[Assistant] We'll take a walk around and see whether we can find any evidence. That's always wise when you're exploring. The only problem is getting a spare pair of striped pajamas.


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[Assistant] That's alright, he said. There's a hut where they keep them. I can get some in my size and bring them with me. Then you can change, and we can look for Papa.


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[Assistant] Wonderful, said Bruno, caught up in the enthusiasm of the moment. Then it's a plan! We'll meet at the same time tomorrow, said Shmoor. Don't be late this time, said Bruno, standing up and dusting himself down. And don't forget the striped pajamas! Both boys went home in high spirits that afternoon.


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[Assistant] And Schmool saw a chance to get someone to help him in the search for his papa. All in all, it seemed like a very sensible plan, and a good way to say goodbye.


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[Assistant] We walked to the summer house and went inside. Miss Halcombe turned to me. Mr. Hartright, what I have to say to you I can say here.


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[Assistant] Now I know that you are a good man who always acts correctly.


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[Assistant] Your story about that unhappy woman in London proves that.


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[Assistant] As your friend, I must tell you that I have discovered your feelings for my sister Laura.


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[Assistant] Although you have done nothing wrong, except show weakness.


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[Assistant] I must tell you to leave Limeridge House before any harm is done. And there is something else I must tell you, which will also give you pain.


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[Assistant] Will you shake hands with your friend Marion Halcombe first? She spoke with such kindness that I shook her hand.


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[Assistant] You must leave because Laura Fairley is to be married.


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[Assistant] The last word went like a bullet to my heart. I turned white. I felt cold.


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[Assistant] With one word, all my hopes disappeared.


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[Assistant] You must put an end to your feelings here, where you first met her. I will hide nothing from you. She's not marrying for love.


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[Assistant] But because of a promise she made to her father just before he died.


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[Assistant] The man she's to marry arrives here next Monday.


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[Assistant] Let me go today, I said bitterly. The sooner the better. No, not today. That would look strange. Wait till tomorrow, after the post has arrived.


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[Assistant] Say to Mr Fairlie that you have received bad news and must return to London.


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[Assistant] I will follow your advice, Miss Hulcombe," I said sadly. But may I ask who the gentleman engaged to Miss Fairleigh is? A rich man from Hampshire. Hampshire? Again, a connection with Anne Catharic. And his name? I asked, as calmly as I could. Sir Percival Glide. Sir.


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[Assistant] I remembered Anne Catherick's suspicious questions about baronets, and my voice shook a little as I asked, Is he a baronet? She paused for a moment, then answered, Yes, a baronet.


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[Assistant] To make sure that Mrs. Lippett isn't after me with her arms stretched out to grab me back.


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[Assistant] Your nominal authority doesn't annoy me in the least. You are too far away to do any harm. Mrs. Lippett is dead forever, so far as I am concerned.


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[Assistant] And three boxes of tea kettles and dishes and sofa cushions and books. Yours ever, Judy PS. Here is my physiology exam. Do you think you could have passed?


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[Assistant] And the teacher quickly stepped in to explain that the silly boy had said he had seen or probably imagined a woman in white standing next to Miss Fairleigh's grave as he passed the churchyard yesterday evening. There was nothing more to it than that.


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[Assistant] What's your opinion of this? Miss Halcombe asked me as we went out of the school.


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[Assistant] The boy may have seen someone, I said, but not a ghost. I think we should examine the grave.


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[Assistant] I have the suspicion, Miss Halcombe, that the writer of the letter and the imagined ghost in the churchyard might be the same person. She stopped, turned pale, and looked at me. What person? Anne Catharick, I replied, the woman in white. I don't know why.


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[Assistant] But your suspicion frightens me," she said slowly. I will show you the grave, and then I must go back to Laura. We'll meet again at the house later.


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[Assistant] In the churchyard I examined Mrs. Fairleigh's grey carefully and noticed that the gravestone had been partly cleaned.


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[Assistant] Perhaps the person who had done the cleaning would return to finish the job. I decided to come back that evening and watch.


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[Assistant] Back at the house I explained my plan to Miss Halcombe, who seemed uneasy, but made no objection.


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[Assistant] So as the sun began to go down I walked to the churchyard, chose my position and waited. After about half an hour I heard footsteps.


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[Assistant] Then two women passed in front of me and walked to the grave.


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[Assistant] One wore a long cloak with a hood over her head, hiding her face.


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[Assistant] Below the cloak a little of her dress was visible, a white dress. The other woman said something to her companion and then walked away round the corner of the church, leaving the woman in the cloak next to the grave. After looking all around her she took out a cloth, kissed the white cross and started to clean it.


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[Assistant] I approached her slowly and carefully, but when she saw me she jumped up and looked at me in terror.


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[Assistant] The next morning I found Miss Halcombe and Miss Fairleigh waiting for me downstairs.


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[Assistant] When I began to speak, this fairly turned and hurried from the room.


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[Assistant] I tried to control my voice, but could only say, Will you write to me, Miss Halkom?


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[Assistant] She took both my hands in hers, and her face grew beautiful with the force of her generosity and pity. Of course I will, Walter. Goodbye, and God bless you.


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[Assistant] She left, and a few seconds later Miss Fairleigh returned holding something.


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[Assistant] It was her own sketch of the summer house where we had first met. With tears in her eyes she offered it to me.


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[Assistant] My own tears fell as I kissed her hand, then I turned to go. She sank into a chair, her head dropped on her arms.


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[Assistant] At that moment I knew that Laura Fairley loved me too. But it was over. We were separated.


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[Assistant] That evening Sir Percival was polite, even pleasant, especially to Laura. This must have been due to the Count's influence, and it worried me. What lay behind it?


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[Assistant] I was sure that Sir Percival's sudden journey yesterday had been to Welmingham to question Mrs. Catherick. What had he learnt? What were his plans? As the evening passed I grew more and more uneasy.


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[Assistant] And I went to bed feeling very anxious about what the next day would bring. I was not wrong to be anxious.


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[Assistant] The next day Laura and I arranged that after lunch she would go alone to the boathouse and that I would follow a little later, taking great care that Anne Catharick did not see me,


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[Assistant] I heard no voices, no sounds of movement, nothing.


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[Assistant] Soon I was searching inside the boathouse, and softly calling Laura's name, but no one answered, and no one appeared.


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[Assistant] Outside I searched the ground for signs and found the footprints of two people in the sand.


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[Assistant] Big footprints like a man's, and small footprints, which I was sure were Laura's.


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[Assistant] There was also a little hole in the sand by the wall of the boathouse.


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[Assistant] Desperate with worry, I hurried back to the house. The first person I met was Mrs. Mitchelson, the housekeeper.


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[Assistant] Do you know, I asked, whether Lady Glide has come in? Yes, she has, Miss Halcombe, and I'm afraid something unfortunate has happened.


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[Assistant] Lady Glide ran upstairs in tears, and Sir Percival has told me to dismiss her servant Fanny. My heart sank.


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[Assistant] Fanny was Laura's personal servant from Limeridge, and the only person in the house we both trusted.


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[Assistant] Mrs Cathric's extraordinary and shameless letter filled me with disgust.


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[Assistant] My interest in Supercible Glide's crime was now at an end, but I decided to keep the letter in case it might help me find out who Anne's father really was.


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[Assistant] Later in the morning I went to the legal inquiry into Sir Percival's death. I was only asked to say what had happened


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[Assistant] I was not asked how I thought the keys had been taken, how the fire had been caused, or why Sir Percival had gone into the vestry.


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[Assistant] As no one could explain any of these things, the verdict at the end of the inquiry was death by accident.


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[Assistant] Afterwards, a gentleman who was also at the inquiry walked back to the hotel with me.


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[Assistant] He had heard from Sir Percival's lawyer that a distant relation abroad would now inherit Blackwater Park.


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[Assistant] This was obviously the person who should have inherited it 23 years before. If I made Sir Percival's crime public, it would be to no one's advantage now.


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[Assistant] If I kept the secret, the true character of the man who had cheated Laura into marrying him would remain hidden. And for her sake, I wish to keep it hidden. I still could not leave Hampshire.


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[Assistant] As I had to report to the police station in Norlesbury the next day, I spent another night at the hotel and in the morning went to the post office to collect the letter from Marion. As promised, we had written to each other every day and Marion's letters had been full of cheerful news. This morning's letter was short and terrified me. Come back as soon as you can. We have had to move.


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[Assistant] Come to Gowers Walk Fulham, number 5. I will look out for you.


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[Assistant] Don't be alarmed about us. We are both safe and well. But come back, Marion.


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[Assistant] Part Three The Story Told by Walter Hartright Nine The Gravestone


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[Assistant] On the 13th of October 1850, I left the wild forests of Central America and returned to England.


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[Assistant] I had escaped death by disease, death by war and death by drowning.


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[Assistant] And hoped that these experiences had strengthened me to face my future. A future without Laura Fairley. I still remembered her as Laura Fairley and could not think of her by her husband's name.


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[Assistant] The first thing I did was to visit my mother and sister in their Hampstead cottage.


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[Assistant] The joy of our meeting however soon turned to sadness.


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[Assistant] I have no secrets from my mother, and when I saw the loving pity in her eyes I feared the worst. The news was soon told.


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[Assistant] I tried hard not to let my sorrow spoil the happiness of my return for my mother and sister.


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[Assistant] But by the third day I knew I had to go away alone for a while.


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[Assistant] I sent in my card and I still do not know why the Count let me into his house at half past eleven at night. Was he just curious to see me?


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[Assistant] He would not have known that I was at the opera with Pesca, and I suppose he thought he had nothing to fear from me.


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[Assistant] He was still in his evening suit, and there was a travelling case on the floor, with books, papers and clothes all around him. My guess had been right. You come here on business, Mr. Hartright? he said, looking at me with curiosity. I cannot think what that might be.


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[Assistant] You're obviously preparing for a journey, I said. That is my business. I know why you are leaving London. So, you know why I'm leaving London, went over to a table and opened a drawer. Tell me the reason, if you please. I can show you the reason, I said.


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[Assistant] Roll up the sleeve on your left arm and you will see it.


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[Assistant] His cold grey eyes stared into mine. There was a long heartbeat of silence.


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[Assistant] I was as certain as if I had seen it that he had a gun hidden in the drawer, and that my life hung by a thread.


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[Assistant] Before you act, I advise you to read this note.


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[Assistant] Moving slowly and carefully I passed him Peska's note. He read the lines aloud.


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[Assistant] Your letter is received. If I don't hear from you before nine o'clock, I will open the envelope when the clock strikes.


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[Assistant] Another man might have needed an explanation, but not the count. His expression changed and he closed the drawer.


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[Assistant] I cannot leave before nine as I have to wait for a passport to be delivered. Your information may be true or may be false. Where did you get it? I refuse to tell you.


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[Assistant] And that unsigned note you showed me, who wrote it? A man whom you have every reason to fear. A pause.


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[Assistant] What do you want of me, Mr. Hartright? Is it to do with a lady, perhaps? Yes, my wife, I answered.


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[Assistant] He looked at me in real amazement, and I saw at once that he no long considered me a dangerous man.


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[Assistant] He folded his arms and listened to me with a cold smile. You are guilty of a wicked crime, I went on, but you can keep the money.


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[Assistant] When we please and you do not try to stop us. 2. You wait here until my agent comes early tomorrow morning and you give him an order to get back your letter unopened.


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[Assistant] You then allow us half an hour to leave the house. Three.


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[Assistant] You agree to fight me at a place to be arranged later abroad. Do you accept my conditions? Yes or no?


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[Assistant] The Best American Short Stories of the Century. Edited by John Updike. Copyright by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.


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[Assistant] The stories on this audio tape were selected from the 55 stories that comprise the best American short stories of the century.


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[Assistant] For that anthology, editor John Updike made his choices from the Best American Short Story's annual volumes.


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[Assistant] Which have been published every year continuously since 1915.


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[Assistant] The annual Best American Short Stories have launched literary careers, showcased our finest writers, and confirmed for all time the significance of the short story in our national literature.


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[Assistant] The best American short stories of the century brings together the best of the best.


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[Assistant] Extraordinary stories that represent a century's worth of unsurpassed accomplishment in this quintessentially American literary genre.


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[Assistant] As Mr. Updike wrote in his introduction to the anthology, he selected stories that he found to be lively, beautiful, believable, and, in the human news they brought, important.


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[Assistant] So uhm, uh, uh,


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[Assistant] Uh, uh, uh.


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[Assistant] So uhm, uh, uh, uh,


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[Assistant] So uhm, uh, uh,


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[Assistant] So uhm, uh, uh,


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[Assistant] So uhm, uh,


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[Assistant] So if I try to change my negative state of mind and try to do something,


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[Assistant] So uhm, uh,


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[Assistant] So uhm, uh, uh,


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[Assistant] The story of my first inquiries in Hampshire is soon told.


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[Assistant] Not a single person in the village of Blackwater could remember exactly when Sir Percival Glide had left.


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[Assistant] Even the gardener at the house could only say it was some time in the last ten days of July.


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[Assistant] So, on to the next plan, I said to Marion, back in London, which is to pursue the secret. I need to talk to Anne Catharick's mother.


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[Assistant] But first I must find out something about her from Mrs Clements, Anne's friend. But how do I find Mrs Clements? Marion had the answer to that.


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[Assistant] You remember the farm she and Anne stayed at near Limeridge? We'll write to them. They might know Mrs Clement's address. We were lucky.


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[Assistant] Farmer's wife did know the address and wrote back by return to tell us.


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[Assistant] It was in London, not far from our rooms, and the next morning I was knocking at the door.


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[Assistant] Mrs. Clements was anxious to know if I had brought her any news of Anne, and very sad to learn that I had not.


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[Assistant] However, she was willing to tell me everything she knew.


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[Assistant] He stopped at doors as he walked along, trying each door to be sure that it was closed for the night. Now and then he turned and looked up and down the street. He was a fine looking cop, watchful, guarding the peace. People in this part of the city went home early.


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[Assistant] But most of the doors belong to business places that have been closed hours ago. Then the cops suddenly slowed his walk.


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[Assistant] Near the door of a darkened shop, a man was standing. As the cop walked toward him, the man spoke quickly. Aye, it's all right, officer, he said. I'm waiting for a friend. Twenty years ago, we agreed to meet here tonight. Eh, sounds strange to you, doesn't it? I'll explain if you want to be sure that everything's all right. About twenty years ago, there was a restaurant here where this shop stands. Big Joe Brady's Restaurant.


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[Assistant] It was here until five years ago, said the cop.


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[Assistant] The man near the door had a colorless square face with bright eyes and a little white mark near his right eye. He had a large jewel in his necktie. Twenty years ago tonight, said the man, I had dinner here with Timmy Wells. He was my best friend and the best fellow in the world.


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[Assistant] He and I grew up together here in New York, like two brothers. I was 18 and Jimmy was 20. The next morning, I was to start for the West.


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[Assistant] I was gonna find a job and make a great success. You couldn't have pulled Jimmy out of New York. He thought it was the only place on earth. We agreed that night that we would meet here again in 20 years.


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[Assistant] We thought that in 20 years we would know what kind of men we were and what future waited for us. It sounds interesting, said the cop. A long time between meetings, it seems to me. Have you heard from your friends since you went west? Yes, for a time we did write to each other, said the man. But after a year or two we stopped. The west is big. I moved around everywhere and I moved quickly.


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[Assistant] But I know that Jimmy will meet me here if he can. He was as true as any man in the world. He'll never forget. I came a thousand miles to stand here tonight. But I'll be glad about that if my old friend comes too.


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[Assistant] The man waiting took out a fine watch covered with small jewels. Three minutes before ten, he said.


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[Assistant] It was ten that night when we said goodbye here at the restaurant door. You were successful in the West, weren't you? asked the cop. I surely was. I hope Jimmy has done half as well. He was a slow mover. I've had to fight for my success. In New York, a man doesn't change much. In the West, you learn how to fight for what you get. The cop took a step or two. I'll go on my way, he said.


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[Assistant] I hope your friend comes alright. If he isn't here at ten, are you gonna leave? I am not, said the other. I'll wait half an hour at least.


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[Assistant] If Jimmy is alive on this earth, he'll be here by that time. Good night, officer. Good night, said the cop, and walked away, trying doors as he went.


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[Assistant] There was now a cold rain falling and the wind was stronger.


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[Assistant] The few people walking along that street were hurrying, trying to keep warm.


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[Assistant] At the door of the shop stood the man who had come a thousand miles to meet a friend. Such a meeting could not be certain, but he waited. About twenty minutes he waited.


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[Assistant] And then a tall man in a long coat came hurrying across the street. He went directly to the waiting man. Is that you, Bob? He asked doubtfully. Is that you, Timmy Wells? Cried the man at the door. The new man took the other man's hand in his. It's Bob! It surely is!


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[Assistant] It sometimes changes a good man into a bad one, said the tall man.


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[Assistant] You've been under arrest for ten minutes, Bob. Chicago cops thought you might be coming to New York. They told us to watch for you. Are you coming with me quietly? That's wise. But first, here's something I was asked to give you.


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[Assistant] I saw the face of the man wanted by Chicago cops. I didn't want to arrest you myself. So I went and got another cop and sent him to do the job. Jimmy.


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[Assistant] Hello everyone, this is Helen. Today is March 24th, 2023. Today, Helen will be reading a book, a meditation book.


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[Assistant] Nuan Xing Zhi Lv, Qi Huan Tong Hua, Ming Xiang Hui Ben.


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[Assistant] First of all, this book is a set of books for children, a total of three books. It's called the Magic Fairy Tale Meditation Book. I named it as, maybe you can plant a meditation seed in his heart when the child is very young.


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[Assistant] So uhm,


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[Assistant] So, uh, uh, uh, uh,


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[Assistant] So uhm,


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[Assistant] There is also magic. Everything you want to do is positive.


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[Assistant] So,


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[Assistant] Mindfulness.


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[Assistant] Um, uh.


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[Assistant] So uhm, uh, uh, uh,


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[Assistant] Okay.


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[Assistant] Okay.


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[Assistant] So, uh,


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[Assistant] Uh, uh,


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[Assistant] Mei qi dou shi you feichang zi ran ne yu yan.


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[Assistant] So uhm, uh, uh, uh,


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[Assistant] Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,


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[Assistant] So uhm, uh,


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[Assistant] So uhm, uh, uh,


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[Assistant] Uhm, I was just thinking that I didn't have such a good script when I was a child.


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[Assistant] So uhm,


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[Assistant] So uhm, uh, uh, uh,


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[Assistant] Uh, uh,


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[Assistant] So uhm,


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[Assistant] Okay.


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[Assistant] So uhm,


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[Assistant] Uh, uh.


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[Assistant] So uhm,


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[Assistant] So uhm,


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[Assistant] Three topics. One is what? Helping sleep. One is...


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[Assistant] So uh,


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[Assistant] Okay, okay.


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[Assistant] Uh, uh.


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[Assistant] Uh, uh, uh,


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[Assistant] If you'd like, you can listen to it on my official account.


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[Assistant] Uh, uh,


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[Assistant] Uh, uh,


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[Assistant] Uh,


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[Assistant] Manman de.


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[Assistant] Uh,


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[Assistant] Okay, this is a very simple book. This book is also available in my bookstore. I hope you will like it.


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[Assistant] Dear, this is not an ordinary book.


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[Assistant] This book will lead you on a spiritual journey through a dreamlike fairy tale.


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[Assistant] So uhm, uh,


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[Assistant] Listeners need to relax and close their eyes when they are comfortable.


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[Assistant] So uhm, uh,


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[Assistant] Lang Du Zhe Wen Rou Er Huan Man De Lang Du Gu Shi.


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[Assistant] So uhm, uh, uh,


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[Assistant] So uhm, uh, uh,


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[Assistant] So uhm, uh, uh,


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[Assistant] So uhm, uh, uh,


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[Assistant] When you feel sorrow, fear, or worry, you can come to this green forest. Let the magical animals help you put down everything.


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[Assistant] I wish you a pleasant journey. All your wishes will come true.


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[Assistant] Though in thy youth thou wast as true a lover as ever sighed upon a midnight pillow. But is thy love wherever like to mine? As sure I think to never man love so.


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[Assistant] How many actions most ridiculous has thou been drawn to by thy fantasy?


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[Assistant] If thou remember'st not the slightest folly that ever loved, it might thee run into. Thou hast not loved, or if thou hast not snapped, as I do now,


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[Assistant] Where's peace blossom? Scratch my head, peace blossom.


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[Assistant] Go thou and seek the crowner and let him sit o' my caz, for he's in a third degree of drink, he's drowned. Go, look after him.


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[Assistant] So, I do love it better than laughing.