[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] These mules, the smugglers, the coyotes, whatever you want to call them, they're hauling dope into this country as some of the lowest scum in this world.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's an area not too far from my house that I personally shut down with no help from Border Patrol, other Minutemen, or anybody else.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Called the rides, had them come up from San Diego or Tucson, Phoenix, wherever.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] While they were waiting there, the coyotes would rape the women.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We have to bring drugs into this country for our young people to get screwed up on and then do that to their own people.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What the hell kind of human being is that? It's gotta stop somewhere. Let's stop it at the border.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Make sure they've got either radio communications or cell phone communications.


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[Assistant] And they can sit there and say how many people are coming through exactly where at.


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[Assistant] Wait till they're well inside the United States so that, uh, water patrol can pick them up.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See what kind of a mess it is and see how open this is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To, uh, not only illegals coming here, but the amount of dope that comes across here in a single night is incredible.


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[Assistant] It's worth the three and a half years out here. Yeah. That's a kid that'll have a life.


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[Assistant] You're lucky he didn't bust up something before we got here. The way that guy was driving, I was ready to jump.


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[Assistant] You're still a one-eyed lush, and you always will be. Jail bait.


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[Assistant] I don't want none of your money. All I want you to do is get off this place and leave me alone. I don't like you and I don't like her and I don't like the both of you together.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Maddie, where's our doctor? Back down the road, about half a mile. Will you get him for us? Go get him yourself.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] She's asleep. You ought to see her again. You won't wake her.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Where is it?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It hurts enough. I love you.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, okay. But... How do you know each other?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] They say a lot of things. Yeah, I know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We don't want a lot of trigger happy hillbillies around here. It's a nice cool town. Business is good. We don't want it heated up. You're hot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Philip, I think. He lives in Baltimore. At least that's what she told me. I only saw him once. All I know is he was an admirer of Miss Dexter's. Seems like it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How about I check this cigarette case with the department list of all jewelry stolen in the last year or so?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] MIB here, and before we jump into today's video, I just want to show you a cool feature on our sponsor, Bayi.jp. Bayi is the website I use when I'm making purchases from Japan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And if you're new to this site, you may think that the only places you can shop from are the ones up here in the toolbar.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But if you click on add to buy, you'll see that there are a lot more vendors you can shop. Look at all these Japanese stores ranging from toys to games to clothes. You can add this little guy to your browser, I'm using Firefox here. And then when you shop one of these stores, in this case Aman Mandarik,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] See a little confirmation pops up reminding me that I can shop this website via Bayi. And that's just one of many cool ways you can use Bayi to shop Japan.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And remember, Monster Island Buddies viewers get about $20 of free spending money when you sign up for a new account. Alright, enjoy today's video game review.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Just like the World Tour series was a reboot of the original Rampage, this too seems to be another narrative reboot. There's still the Scum Company, now with a new CEO named Mr. Z, and they're testing a new soda named Soda S. Every test subject who tried this soda turns into a giant monster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh sorry, did you want some more? Because in the Wii version, there are 40 monsters! That's... Well Jesus, that's a lot of mo-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold of Destruction was developed by Pipeworks Software and distributed by Midway Games. This game improves on many of the issues with the World Tour trilogy. The monsters and environments look great. For the first time, you can cling to buildings from the front.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's a time limit again, but you can actually see it this time, and it's ample time.


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[Assistant] The cities you wreck feel more lived in and they're littered with pop culture satire.


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[Assistant] The one thing that carries across all of these Rampage games is the tongue-in-cheek, sometimes absurdist comedy style, and it's here aplenty.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The voices are a nice touch, though admittedly, they get redundant quickly.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] One amazing feature is that finally, you can switch monsters between levels! Oh god, where's this feature been all this time?!


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[Assistant] We're back to giving the monsters their own strengths and weaknesses, and there's an upgrade system as well!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There are cities to unlock as you progress, and you still get plenty of levels, but it doesn't feel so endless like the previous games.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now I need to make a disclaimer. I didn't own a Wii until recently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am not a big motion control guy, and the Wii version of this game leans into the motion controls a lot. You have to twist and turn to move your monster, and that took a lot of getting used to for me. Go back! No, go forward! Where are you going?!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] If you don't like the motion controls, you can still have the PS2 version or the GameCube version, which will also play on the Wii.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And it looks fine, it looks great. Not a groundbreaking difference here, to be honest. But of course you lose ten monsters. And even though these controls are more traditional, they're still not perfect. So you kinda have to pick your poison here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I want to unlock more cities and monsters, but I can't swing the Wii control around all night. If only there was a shortcut. What should I do? I say, what should I do?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's so many fucking monsters! And I have to give them credit. It's not like they just recolored the original monsters or made a bunch of cheap variants. Every design here is original in its own right. And these designs look great. While they might not all be directly inspired by known monsters, they all have that vintage B-movie feel.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And look! Vern's back from Rampage 2 World Tour! It's amazing that we have 40 monsters here, but it's still missing some guys from previous installments. Like Curtis!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Every once in a while you have to fight Dr. Vector in one of his inventions. These fights are not very inventive. It would have been cool if he made a mecha monster that you could defeat and then unlock. It's so weird that this franchise lacks actual monster fights besides when you're fighting your friend in a two-player mode.


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[Assistant] And the implication is dark. I love it. Now that's an ending with balls.


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[Assistant] Total Destruction also gives you tremendous value as this disc comes with two previous Rampage games. Right out of the gate too, you don't need to unlock them. You can play the original Rampage, or its first reboot, Rampage World Tour. You get three games, how awesome is that?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Honestly, of all the Rampage stuff we've covered, you only really need this one disc, and you'll get sort of a best of Rampage sample platter. You don't need anything else.


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[Assistant] Well, now we're up to the 2018 Rampage movie, which, if I don't acknowledge, some commenters are gonna have a hernia.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Look, as far as a big budget action film starring The Rock goes, it's par for the course, but...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rampage shouldn't be a big rock action film. The Rampage universe in these games would make fun of a rock film by eating him in the first scene.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] To me, a Rampage movie should focus on more absurd humor and biting satire. Shin Godzilla crossed with The Kids in the Hall of Brain Candy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wet Hot American Summer with Monsters. Make fun of the media, consumerism, exploitation, literally all the things that have been present in the game series since day one.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Co-creator Brian Collin has a world in his head reflecting his art style and humor, and to me, that is rampage. Not San Andreas, but with a flying squirrel monster.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This film's rampage in name only to my old stubborn ass. But there is an arcade game based on the movie, so we have to address it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm here, bitch! I got- I got total destruction cheat codes, too! No. No, you're late, Cheeto. You're goddamn it.


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[Assistant] It's really missing all of the flavor found in other Rampage games, even the bad ones. It's a pizza pie that's just the crust. I find it extraordinarily forgettable.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Rampage has always had a special place in my heart. I instantly fell in love with the original in the arcade, and even when the games are sub-par, I find myself really rooting for this franchise. I hope you enjoyed this three-part overview. Oh shoot, phone's ringing. Hello?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're the most beautiful woman I've ever painted. Not because you're beautiful.


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[Assistant] God, why should that worry you so much? Surely it's the most natural thing in the world.


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[Assistant] I don't know yet, Italy perhaps. Got an old tumbledown villa there on a hill, above the sea.


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[Assistant] I don't care what people say. I've got six dollars saved up and I'm going to take lessons. May I, Mother?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He was as zany as everyone portrayed him to be. Jim would always like to look at magazines that you wouldn't be able to buy unless you were 18 years or older.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I love them like a brother. If he was a fan of yours or supporter of yours, he'd be right there with you.


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[Assistant] As long as I live, I'm always going to have a special place in my heart for Jim.


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[Assistant] When you're playing against him, not only do you want to hit him, I mean, you want to take him out of the game just for all those arrogant statements that he's made, uh, prior to the game.


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[Assistant] Consume him. I think it started to tear down the great things that he had done.


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[Assistant] I was happy when he left the team because he wasn't really fitting in. He was the amended version of Jim McMahon when he was in San Diego.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's based on real life pain. Trauma.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] He liked hanging out with us and he realized that for the team to be close that he needed to hang out with us.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The rumor mill in Hampton County is that it involved cartels. He had drugs all over the place.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] There's another person, and maybe even more. There's the Cousinetti theory. May have had a motive to kill the family.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Well, it's not the man. He happens to be rather an obscure musician. Musician? What kind of a musician? A pianist, I think. Is it by any chance Alexander Sebastian? Well, that's who it is. You recognized him. He seems to be a friend of yours.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now there are one or two things that I would like to explain, so will you all listen attentively? Of course. Presently, when the music begins, I'm going to switch out the lights.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] In due course, I shall draw out that dear little stool and join you at the table. I shall place myself between you and your wife, Dr. Bradman, and rest my hands lightly upon yours, and must ask you not to address me or move or do anything in the least distracting. Is that quite, quite clear?


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[Assistant] Concentrate on a space. Or on a non-descript colour. That's really the better way.


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[Assistant] Golf, which I have been doing a bit of golf lately, mainly for that platinum challenge, but that's actually on regular Wii Sports Golf. This is Wii Sports Resort Golf. I'm playing this on my Wii U this time. I already had my Wii U hooked up to my capture card and everything, so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I just threw the game in the Wii U instead. So we'll go ahead and be guest E. How many holes? Let's just go through three. Let's start with three and see how many. Ooh, we have a mystery. Maybe if we play classic C.


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[Assistant] We unlock question mark, so let's go and do that. I like to try to cut through this here, but with this wind I think it's not gonna work, but I'm gonna try anyway. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why are we, why are we getting red bars so many times? See, Wii Sports Golf, wait, Wii Sports Resort Golf, it has a little bit more of a, of a, oh that was the perfect swing. And that was not.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I am actually barely swinging it to get that red bar there. And then beyond red bar floppy cock in it, there's also just the, the, you can hit it good and the bar still goes, you know, but it's not quite a,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I gotta just tap the ball every time I think. Although that was actually a good hit, somehow.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm so like, I barely have to swing my Wii Remote at all. Wow. Oh, too much. Oh, no way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is, this has, this has potential for a par. Looks like we need to go that way.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Water hazard. Your mom's a water hazard. Uh oh. This is not going well.


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[Assistant] Except I get credit for hitting it. I have a chance to not get a give up. I didn't give up. Plus eight. Let's give up plus eight as well.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 43. We definitely are gonna need to do better than that. Compared to Wii Sports Golf, I would have to say Wii Sports Resort Golf seems more unrealistic. Probably put me on the tour if I hit this.


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[Assistant] Oh jeezus louisus. Oh my.


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[Assistant] Stupid ball goes backwards away from the hole. NO WAY!


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[Assistant] Now we got zero. So we do decent. What does that do for us?


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[Assistant] 89. This could take a while. Let's try classic B.


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[Assistant] We'll just keep jumping around in the three holes. When I play nine holes and one sitting, it's like, I'm stuck there forever. I don't know if I can do it. Why do you try to keep on giving me lessons? Fuck off!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, tits. That is not enough sauce.


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[Assistant] Dammit, I am not going in that bunker, the first hole. That might get over. Oh, that might get over the whole frickin' world. Well, I'm not going in the water either. How come my driver is suddenly just hitting it way too far?


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[Assistant] That would have been the saving ass right there. That looks like a decent shot. STOP! STOP! ROLL BACK! STOP! BACKSPIN! Doesn't do backspin when I want it to backspin.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, I'm the green, but as far away from the frickin' hole as possible. This is gonna be some sort of wild punt. If I shoot it over here, it should go. So that's probably too muuuuuch!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That was barely enough power. That was the right amount of power.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And I didn't angle it enough. That would have been, that would have been the putt of my Wii Sports life right there. And my real life.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You know, plus 95, we're getting better. I have three holes. Maybe we should do resort C again, see if I can do better. Seems like the more difficult the courses are, so like these three are the most difficult.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] The more experience I get, and for some reason it wants to give me the tutorial every time I play. Why? Now do I go for this again?


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[Assistant] Okay, nevermind. We're not going for that.


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[Assistant] I cannot be tempted by the apples in the garden of fucking shooting the ball to the hole over the trees on Resports Resort.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I think I made a bible reference kind of. I've read frickin' how to poop more times in the bible though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You're known for- to fuckin' falsely giving me compliments. That's barely, barely a great shot. AAAAAH!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I thought we might have had that one to be honest. I'm gonna have another plus one. I gotta get negative two on the, uh,


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] No, no, no, no, no, I can't. I'm not gonna recover from that. I gotta get at least a par. This sport's about to be the longest one to get to frickin' pro at, with how this is going.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This should be our best bit of experience we've ever gotten. If it wasn't for that stupid bogey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so I actually only have negative one on Classic C, I got zero zero here. But I haven't played Resort A, B, and C yet, so I think that's what I'm gonna do next. This could be in the hall.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Damn it. Why am I always so close but never get it? It's like an optical illusion.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, too much, too much! To me, it seems like we gotta go way up there.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Wow, we're fumbling it all the way here. Everything was great until that, and I got a bogey. Should have been negative two at least.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, there goes only 83. I hit my desk in the backswing.


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[Assistant] Yeah, no, no, no, no. That was a foul. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, what a surprise. Oh, oh, we missed again. We need to get negative one on this last hole if we really wanna...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Really wanna do something proactive here, productive. Yeah, yeah, let's curve it right into the wind. That should help. Yeah, if, if we didn't do the stupid curve to the right.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We would have probably been a lot better than this.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I have to hit this like, harder than astronauts. Hit... Mars.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of course. Guess what? We're gonna end up at par.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] All that just to get par and only 75 experience, we're only halfway there. Ping pong takes 5 minutes. Golf takes 6 years.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Ass. 1 to the 2 to the 2 to the 3.


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[Assistant] I miss the green. Is this a birdie chance? No. I have to make this just for par. Too much. You suck.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And right in that stupid tree again. Why is that tree even there? It is the mo-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I wanted to restart, not quit, all the way back to the menu. Don't default me to Beat Boss, that's not who I'm playing as today. How about that? I'm playing as Guest E. So I want to point out, there's a little landing dead ahead here. And with the wind to my back, I feel like if I hit it just right, that this should work. Oh, I hit it too good. Nevermind.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This is the worst hole I've ever seen in all my history of seeing holes.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Like eh, there's nowhere you hit this that you're not in a tree, in a bunker, up my ass. I don't know where you, where you hit this ball and you're not in a bad spot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know. That's probably so far over now, it's in the water. Oh no, we were saved by the tree. In the rough, too far away.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And there's never, it's never not a hurricane. It's always hurricane force wins. Okay.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Whatever, luckily that's into the wind, so it doesn't matter, I don't think. Somehow made it through the trees. We got a par, thank god, we're gonna make it past this hole. Can we go right at it? I think maybe a little up, but I don't, I don't think much.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, you haha. Thank you for going in ball. You didn't, you didn't want to know what was going to happen to you if you didn't.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't know, I'm just gonna play it out. I'm gonna try to play smart here. Play it out without playing it into the water. It should be good.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, it actually did stop. Birdie Chan, somehow. I'm kinda feeling way over here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I keep on not aiming far enough over on those dramatic


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Banking putz. Even though I'm aware that I gotta aim over. We somehow got a negative one though. 101, 611. Maybe I gotta go through nine holes. Let's do nine classic holes and hopefully this gives me a million experience so I can eventually be done here. Man, this is nine holes I gotta do. Ugh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Nah, I'm pissed, I'm pissed, I'm pissed, I'm pissed, I'm pissed, I'm pissed, we're starting.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of course, I didn't. It's the opposite direction as the last hole, and I played it like it was the win from the last hole. Or the last time.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Yeah, fars don't get us that fars though. We need to get some good negative holes. Putt of my life here, maybe?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, well I'm not calling like an eagle today, but I will gladly take that negative two. That's a record. So that should be some decent experience points.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I bet it's actually awful. You just like to lie. Of course. I bet you're the same guy that planted that tree because you want to save the fucking earth, but then you ruined my game of golf because of it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Actually might be a better one there. It is. Yea, but look at this placement.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Now this tree's gonna screw with my ball again. Awesome. What a worthless piece of shit tree.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Double bogey, bogey, that would have been a par, that would have saved it. Instead of getting nothing. Probably 75 experience points. Oh 73, even less. Oh, I somehow got three holes special.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, so online is a lie. Let's play the special holes. I think this is probably my first time ever playing these.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why are we not, why is the camera not following the ball? Was my putt that bad that we didn't follow the ball? Even though this ended up right by the hole?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Okay, we're in God's ass crack playing golf. I don't know.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I really don't know how to read this. You'd think it'd go to the right at first and then end up going to the left. So maybe you just kinda go right at it.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think something like this, I don't freaking know. Maybe way over here, I- I don't know, something over here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And just power through it. Oh man, if I actually did aim just a little bit more right. And the ball's actually gonna roll completely out of our view and we're just gonna stare in a hole. What's the ball doing? I don't know. I guess it finally stopped rolling though.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Thank God. Double bogey. There goes, we're probably losing experience here.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What a waste of time. 32 experience points. Honestly, I gotta stop taking so much time. I should just go for quicker, quicker rounds.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I should go for quicker rounds, just getting average scores, you know, get a little bit of experience each time to just make this quicker. Cause I'm taking too much time and not making enough progress. Let's get this birdie though, please. Maybe.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] God, do I, I was about, I was just about ready to start banging. And you know what that means, banging, and I don't mean banging like that, I mean banging my Wii remote on the frickin' desk.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Cause we ended up with a plus one instead of a minus one somehow out of that. 37. Holy shi- I'm gonna play it again just because I'm irritated. Maybe at the winst-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What in tarnation? That's not enough. Not even close.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Point I freaking fall over and die. Or I'm gonna get pro in this sport.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Also, Wii Remote still works somehow, and that's a terrible shot. I think if we hit it over here somewhere and hit it about... 3 BARS OF-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This game's a fucking joke. A joke. Jokes aren't as funny as this game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What did I get? Double bogey. After all that, a double bogey.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh my gosh, bye golly. It's time for...


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Mistletoes and Holly, if I don't make this putt, I'm gonna... I didn't even mean to... I didn't, that was a complete accident. I did not mean to do that. Hit it right there. But I did. And it went in. Actually good speed. Bad aim again!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Of course, it's right there. Not that we would've known because the camera was a dick.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I got the negative one, plus sixty. This has by far been the longest sport to get, get pro'ing. If I didn't restart we'd probably be there sooner, but I imagine at this point I can't do too bad, or else, hey, reset!


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeaah, okay. For sure. For sure. It's either I hit it the right speed and it's gonna hook like a banana or I hit it too hard and then I'm just at the mercy of floppy.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I don't even feel like I've accomplished anything. I feel like I just did bad for so long that eventually you get pro no matter what. You know what I mean? I don't feel like I did good to get pro.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Why? Why are we hooking it and slicing it so much?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] That's actually perfect. And of course it somehow rolls a little right so we do not get the bird. That's not a bad speed. Perfect. I actually end up negative one after all that.


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[Assistant] Why, why was there even an oah on that? The thing sailed over the hole, 15,000 yards and, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh


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[Assistant] Do you wanna, do you wanna come to my house and shit my fucking nose too?


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[Assistant] I've yet to break a beef remote by the way, but I am very close.


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[Assistant] It kinda survived one slam on the- on the floor. It's lights. The lights at the bottom don't work anymore. But the Wii Remote's still working somehow.


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[Assistant] It isn't working very well. These may not be the most throw-proof remotes in the world. My B button is jammed. You know what? I'll just use a different B for remote.


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[Assistant] They are not the most rage resistant remotes in the world.


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[Assistant] I am so done. I am so done with golf right now. Wow, an actual good shot, but it has no power.


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[Assistant] And we're still gonna end up- This is the easiest hole in the game, by the way. This is Resort A hole 1.


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[Assistant] This is a dangerous little pot right here. No.


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[Assistant] That only gets us back to zero. What par is this hole?


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[Assistant] Please, please, please, I am never playing this again. I never wanna try to go golf, pro and golf ever again. Ever. I'm done.


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[Assistant] My objective is before I can go to bed, I gotta get this platinum medal. The hardest platinum on all of Wii Sports is Wii Sports Golf Target Practice. We need to get


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] 800 total points in 10 shots and the best circle you can get is 100 points.


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[Assistant] Second shot of the day? Okay. That looked exactly right, but it wasn't. Not taking practice swings, that was my mistake.


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[Assistant] And now I finally get a hundred, cause I didn't take a practice swing. Wanna get, uh, I might be short this time. No, because I didn't take a practice swing. Get this, what is this, my third try, fourth try? If I get this right here.


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[Assistant] Uh-oh. Uh-oh, skettios.


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[Assistant] This, this is a lot of 50s. We're theoretically not out of it yet though.


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[Assistant] That's still not enough. No, it is! Okay. Okay, I really need to kill this-


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[Assistant] Yikes. That's devastating. So it is impossible. It is impossible for us to get 800 points. So we have to restart now.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh yeah, now we'll get enough power on it. Suddenly, suddenly I get the red bar. I couldn't get close to the red bar and suddenly we pull it. Okay. Oh yeah, okay. That's a great shot.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Not that I, it didn't, it didn't, I think I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to time it right when I swing.


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[Assistant] But it always comes after and then it still is frickin' just ear piercing.


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[Assistant] That fart was pretty well timed though. Beefboss shit himself in the swing. For some reason we choked down on the club after our first two good shots and start hitting it too... Too bitch-like, Beefboss.


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[Assistant] Don't hit it bitch-like. Bitch hit it like.


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[Assistant] Perfect. That's our first time getting three hundreds in a row. That puts us almost halfway there.


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[Assistant] Yep, and now all of it's wasted because of that pussy shot. Those are two beautiful shots, by the way.


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[Assistant] Those are actually spot on in the middle both times. Well thanks for the vote of confidence there.


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[Assistant] Oh yeah, okay. I- your message is what f- It was in my head! You just got in my head! I hope you're happy! Long fart. Oh Jesus.


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[Assistant] Definitely not, that wouldn't, that wouldn't set me in the ass. I'm not helping your ball get to the center.


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[Assistant] I think I over hit it now. Beef Boss ate his Wheaties.


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[Assistant] And then that sucks ass. How about we take some of the power from my previous shot, add it to that one.


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[Assistant] And then both of them are in the 100 circle. How about that? World record for most records attempted. How about world record for most fricking takes?


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[Assistant] Most, most tries it takes to get


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[Assistant] The platinum for target practice on Wii Sports.


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[Assistant] Think I finally got to where I was going with that. World record for most Wii remotes broken.


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[Assistant] Has anyone gone through all my videos and counted how many Wii remotes I broke? Cause I do not, I do not have a running total on that one. I can find remnants of Wii remotes all over, but I'm, I'm guessing I don't have all of them. God fucking bless America.


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[Assistant] Wow, that was a very generous 100 from the game and I appreciate that.


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[Assistant] Oh, that's probably too much. That's too much sauce. Too much sauce!


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[Assistant] We should be at 500 right now instead of freaking 450. And then this wind is like impossible. I guess I can try to crank this.


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[Assistant] Yeah, exactly. That, that whole shot was represented by the sounds happening right now.


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[Assistant] Whopper, whopper, whopper, whopper, triple, double.


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[Assistant] Penis wopper. Okay, you're just gonna read- you're gonna do that over and over again.


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[Assistant] Junior double triple whopper. Frame build taste with perfect toppers. I rule this day. Lettuce, mayo, pickle, ketchup. It's okay. Wait. Wait, I didn't look at the wind! Hopefully it's in my back.


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[Assistant] How many times has that fart played now in McDonald's wifi? Are you just offended because we're singing Burger King ads? Whoa, beefboss.


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[Assistant] Wind push that shit. Good wind, good, good. Okay, we're doing, we're having a good one here. This is gonna be a hard one though.


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[Assistant] Nooo! That is the worst shit ever!


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[Assistant] Literally the only thing we couldn't do is severely under-hit it. Technically our hopes aren't dead yet, but they're close.


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[Assistant] They might be dead now. They might be dead.


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[Assistant] It might not be though. No, they're not dead. If we 100 this out, we're s- we still got it.


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[Assistant] Barnacles. Oh shoot. I never swear.


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[Assistant] I'm such a good little Christian channel. I now say nuts, and barnacles, and fudge.


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[Assistant] Cause that's what YouTube wants. That's what YouTube wants me to be.


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[Assistant] And I overshot it. What is with Little Caesar's pizza sauce?


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[Assistant] Does anyone else just get the worst, like, heartburn, diarrhea, upset stomach, diarrhea, hey, Pepto Bismol, after eating Little Caesars, or is that just me?


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[Assistant] It's like their sauce is lava or something. Little Caesar's ba- no, I think Little Caesar's tastes good, especially- especially for how much it costs.


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[Assistant] I hope that wind pushes it right in the hole. Man, I aimed, I aimed too far over Frick.


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[Assistant] Yeah, it might not be bad. It might, probably still too far though. Wait.


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[Assistant] Awww. Awww! Suck me! I really hope the wind blows that one. Well, it blew it into the 50. I think we're down but not out.


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[Assistant] Got the 100. I need- Okay, I can afford one more 50.


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[Assistant] I have to get two 100s now. That should have been my... That should have been my easier one, cause now we got this.


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[Assistant] Nope, not enough. Not enough sauce is what we call that. Not enough sauce and not enough pizza. So we call it cheese bread. And it-


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[Assistant] Nah, I like cheese bread, but I was gonna say it sucks. I went golfing yesterday in real life, I would think that would help me. But I don't think it's helping me. Oh yeah, it's really not helping me. Mmm, hopefully that two mile an hour wind does something. It didn't, the two mile an hour wind sucks ass.


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[Assistant] You're weak. You're a two mile an hour wind. You're a pussy. That might be another 100. We might, we might be alright here.


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[Assistant] Really, really? We have to be talking hundreds of dollars in fart sounds. Will that be a hundred too? I don't think so.


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[Assistant] I tried to hit it lighter, a little lighter because the wind was at my back and somehow we get that. Suck my balls. Am my wiener.


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[Assistant] I'm not restarting, even, even when we don't give the, even though I should get 100 100 to start it.


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[Assistant] I don't know. I-I-I'm losing my patience. I'll uh, maybe I should have restarted because my next shot sucked ass anyway. That's not even close! We're not even getting close!


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[Assistant] That should be a hundred though, I hope. Almost wasn't.


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[Assistant] Hundreds, hundreds, hundreds, hundreds, triple, double, bacon, hundreds. Uh, what, what comes next? Ooh. Ooh.


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[Assistant] Uh, see how, how, I'm not gonna say too much that we might hear me, but I don't know how that was honored.


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[Assistant] Whatever. Fifteen. It's not. It's okay. It's okay.


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[Assistant] This is not okay. This wind is awful. This wind is really bad.


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[Assistant] No, that, that's devastating. Devastational.


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[Assistant] And now we're out. Now we're out because suddenly I'm, I'm freaking swinging my remote as hard as ever and it doesn't make as much power. But watch this, watch this, watch this. I'm going to start over the next swing. I'm going to swing it the same way, but it's going to be a freaking red rocket. That's how this game freaking operates.


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[Assistant] Nevermind, it's gonna be perfect. I'm doing really bad today. I must say. Usually, usually I have some more close calls with getting it than this.


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[Assistant] I'm, I'm going to have to blame you guys for... That should be good. That should be good. I like that. I like that a lot. Okay.


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[Assistant] This is at 550 with three shots left. We still have margin for one, uhm, 150.


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[Assistant] And that's a 25, so I might as well just shove my Wii remote straight up my bung hole. Butt hole. The last three now need to be 100s. Yes. If we 100 out, we're good still.


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[Assistant] Oh brother. This guy stinks.


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[Assistant] Sinking, spiraling, spiraling. What is it? Spongebob reference, Spongebob reference, spiraling, spiraling. I'm ugly and I'm proud. I'm ugly and I'm proud.


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[Assistant] I'm ugly and I'm proud. I want a mojito. I haven't had a mojito in a while.


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[Assistant] I'm ugly and I'm proud. That's not enough, is it? Oh! It's a pretty bad wind, I don't know. Maybe over here.


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[Assistant] Oh man, if I would've had just a little bit more power, I would've. What am I at right now, by the way? 450. Okay, we have a 50, we need a 50 and three 100s.


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[Assistant] And there's the 50. So I need three of hundreds.


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[Assistant] Oh boy, we need the lord himself to come and intervene on this shot to put this one in the 100.


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[Assistant] Yeah, there wasn't much hitting that better and the best we could do is 50. Is anyone counting how many restarts I've done? Who's the restart counter? In whatever number?


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[Assistant] It is, it needs to be added one to it cause I just restarted right there. I have too many, I have too many songs going on in my head right now. I'm very conflicted on how any song goes anymore. Cause I have Whopper, Whopper, Whopper, Whopper, Triple, Double, Bacon, Whopper, something, something.


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[Assistant] The toppers. Died. Died. Died. I got something.


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[Assistant] And then I get distracted from the game and then I hit a shitty shot so I got to restart again. I don't rule this day at PK. My mommy named it Fred.


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[Assistant] It smells like beans and bacons. I have a pencil. It ends in a point. Pointy pointy pointy. Pointy pointy point.


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[Assistant] It smells like beans and ball sacks. It smells like beans and bacon.


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[Assistant] I need a miracle. Uh oh. That's not a miracle. I need a hero!


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[Assistant] He lets out a mighty roar. This is my swamp now. These are my buns now.


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[Assistant] I push against his thrust as he fills my butt with his love.


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[Assistant] Ooh, I got a couple of hundreds. Mmm, I don't think that's enough, big boy.


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[Assistant] If I woulda just hit it a little harder. As long as I get uhm...


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[Assistant] All we needed was two more hundreds, but no, no, no, we couldn't do that. Bitch boss is frickin' coming in hot right now with these pussy shots.


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[Assistant] And now we get, those are good wins, those are the ones we need to get a hundred. Wait.


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[Assistant] You know, now we got dog s*** wind that is like pretty much impossible to get a hundred on. That I gotta try to figure out here now.


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[Assistant] Oh that was actually close. Smells like beans and bacon.


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[Assistant] No, we need all the hundreds, but the wind's coming right at us, so we're probably screwed. Yeah, we're screwed. Whatever. Suck my balls.


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[Assistant] Man, we cannot hit this ball hard enough anymore. I think I'm becoming fatigued. I think I'm having golf fatigue from all these shots. Oh yeah. Yup, this is how it falls apart. This is how the life you think you have together falls apart.


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[Assistant] You go from three 100s in a row to a 25 and a 50. You're not out of the game yet, but you're close.


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[Assistant] And now you're out. My mommy named it Fred. Smells like beans and fuck you. Come on. That is so deflating getting so close.


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[Assistant] So stupid that it even makes noise when you get a 25. No. And practice swings, no. We've proven that practice swings are worthless.


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[Assistant] Practice swings are for people that are bad.


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[Assistant] Which means I should practice swing. Okay, practice swings are for people that are good.


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[Assistant] Right? I'm not, so I don't. Cause every time I practice swing, I have a good practice swing, and then when I go to hit the ball, it's just ash cheeks.


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[Assistant] Beatbox just is not cooperating right now, that's the only thing that's happening.


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[Assistant] Hey, you know, wake up a little bit here. Oh no, don't. No, no, no, no, no. I gave you love taps, Mario. You're really gonna break after that? There's absolutely no way. This remote broke from that. That is the biggest bitch shit ever. Nope. Came back alive. When's the last time I got a hundred?


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[Assistant] There is a blocker. This game is blocking the right shot from happening right now. It's either too short,


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[Assistant] Which is like almost every time. Or occasionally will go too long. But it's never right. Oh, nevermind. You just gotta bring it up. You gotta call the game out on their bullshit, and they'll let you have it.


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[Assistant] And then they'll take it back because then they think that they're still better than you, so it nerfs you again. And we only get a 10!


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[Assistant] I have no idea what just happened. Some combination of me shooting it and my Wii Remote disconnecting made that happen.


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[Assistant] Now this is our problem. Mario is going haywire.


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[Assistant] Well, what is it? 50. Ah, darn.


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[Assistant] This Wii remote, this Mario remote really was weak. Very weak. I'll tell you what, this remote kinda sucks. I, I, I really do think that this remote has issues.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm not just trying to blame everything but myself, I legitimately think that this, this remote is on crack. It disconnected again.


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[Assistant] Hey, Mario. Yep, and here he comes back again. It just randomly just says bye.


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[Assistant] Oh, now I'm just back on the same thing again!


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[Assistant] My question to you guys, has anyone gotten this platinum medal before? Yeah, yeah, everybody says yes, mhm, I'm sure.


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[Assistant] Just don't think about it and hit the ball in the hundred spot.


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[Assistant] Just don't think about it. Okay, don't think about it.


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[Assistant] We might have thought about it too much on that one that's BULLSHIT!


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[Assistant] Okay, whatever. Whatever. I guess that's an ass hair away from the hundred.


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[Assistant] While you, while you destroy this game for me, Wii Sports. You know what? Why not? I didn't pay enough attention to where I was hitting that.


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[Assistant] Three hundreds in a row and then just fall apart. Three hundreds again. Let's see what happens here.


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[Assistant] Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.


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[Assistant] Insanity is shoving a Wii Remote up my ass and hoping I can play the Wii through my mouth. Holy God forsaken.


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[Assistant] I have no consistency. If my consistency...


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[Assistant] My consistency right now is being inconsistent. I'm tired with the point that I don't even have the energy to fricking start screaming.


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[Assistant] I'm just pissed. I'm just irritated. I am very irritated by how this is going.


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[Assistant] Alright, I'm done. I've had it. I've had it. I'm tired. I don't know, I don't know what my life is anymore.


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[Assistant] Dun dun dun, dun dun dun, dun dun dun, dun dun dun


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[Assistant] How is it? Everything in order. One guard in the library, the other upstairs asleep. Nice asleep. Low doors, room dark.


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[Assistant] Good. Let's shove off, Al. Thank you, Captain. Good luck.


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[Assistant] Gina, meet head doctor Noheim of the Kaiser Wilhelm Institute in Berlin. We call him Al.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Very. All of us have one job to do. That's to take Al safely and to see Dr. Paulder, and then take him out again.


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[Assistant] Now you know what a first-rate courier can do. You're so good at this, I'll get you a job at it after the war.


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[Assistant] I've put a notice in the papers announcing the death in action of Lieutenant... Lieutenant Reinaldo Amade.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] A-M-A-D-I, Ahmadi. When you see it, go to Romilly's. Hold his dentist. He'll have the professor there for you. There are partisan airfields in the north. We'll go out by plane. You know the vineyard, Punatos.


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[Assistant] What if we don't hear from you at all? Fortune's of war, Al. You'll be on your own then.


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[Assistant] Good luck. Gina, will you look outside, please?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How do you do, Professor Polde? How do you do? Where'd you get that stuff? Oh, this? My traveling costume. Kind of a nice fit, isn't it? Oh, meet Punaro. Great old guy. If he were in uniform, he'd have a chest full of fruit salad. Punaro in Nostri Amici. Let's go in.


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[Assistant] Our Peruvian friends fixed up some papers that made it okay to travel by train.


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[Assistant] I figured the others would make it easier here after dark, so I came on ahead and checked on our reservations for the trip out. Where do we meet the plane? In a field about four miles from here. Gina knows where. Can I go all the way by car?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] It's from Corsica. The plane will land at 4 AM.


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[Assistant] I don't know where my Wii remote is, where my Wii pointer is, it's out having sex with itself. Somewhere. I gotta try to watch my language, I think I've-


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I think I've been dropping too many F-bombs lately and I'm gonna try to stop that today. My Wii Remote might make me drop an F-bomb pretty quick here. Because I don't know where it is.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] What is going on? Oh, there we go! Alright, awesome. So before we go into Wii Sports, we're going to the Mii Channel.


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[Assistant] I gotta figure out how this is gonna work. So, I wanna make an entire group of me's that are all Fortnite characters.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] And then when I go to Wii Sports to play baseball, my whole team will be Fortnite characters and we can evaluate which Fortnite characters are best at Wii Sports. Now the only issue is I have all these other Miis that are going to pop in there. Why is this being so difficult? I'm literally writing


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] We're starting with the bangin' early today. Top Fortnite characters. 10. Tomatohead.


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[Assistant] Are you kidding me? Alright, let's, let's, let's see the validity of this list.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright. So number 10 is tomato head. Number 9 is bunny brawler. Number 8 is battle hound. Number 7 is creepy bear.


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[Assistant] Number six is Skulltrooper. Number five is Leviathan. Number four is Love Ranger. Number three is Raven. Number two is Dark Voyager. Are you kidding me? Dark Voyager? Number one is Crackshot.


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[Assistant] Oh my god, this website is full of poop.


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[Assistant] Not swearing. Number 8, Ragnarok. Are you kidding me? Number 7, Raven. Number 6, Calamity.


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[Assistant] Can I get a good- number four, fly trap? Are you effing me?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Leviathan's on this list too. And number two, Leviathan is the number two best skin in Fortnite.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Obviously these articles were written by people who were about to frickin' die, not people who actually play this game. Okay, let's try to make Beef Boss. I like Beef Boss. So let's try to make Beef Boss. Wait, you know what's funny is I actually saw a video on YouTube recently.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] How to make a hamburger me. But I didn't watch it. How to make a hamburger me. It has 6 million views.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Six million views of a video, how to make a me that's a hamburger.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] This looks absolutely nothing like Wukong, but I-


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[Assistant] I've tried my best, so we're just gonna roll with it. He's gonna be a little bit taller and fat. Alright, that's four, including fish sticks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, what a pose. Uh, how about skulltrooper? Do you think we can make skulltrooper?


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Alright, so I've been playing Wii Sports Baseball for I don't know how long now. Ah, maybe 30 minutes or so.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] I'm doing commentary about how these Fortnite skins are doing. Turns out the whole time I wasn't recording. At all.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] My voice over the game. So here we go. We're in the, we're in the middle of the second game. Alright, we're up 4-2. But, uh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] You guys have missed everything up to this point. So, so pretty much this is how it's going. Maven sucks.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Skulltrooper's ass cheeks. And there's still a few that I don't think have gotten in yet. Because we're still- I- I favorited all the Wii Sports.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Matt's supposed to be like the hardest motherfucker on this game.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] But I'm making him look like a little, a little silly Willy right now. I think this is Ham- Beef Boss! Beef Boss got a home run last time, let's see if he can repeat.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Oh, beefboss can repeat. Beefboss got this. Uh-oh.


[User] Please transcribe this text

[Assistant] Hold up. We're gonna, we're gonna play fish sticks and Wukong. Then if we suck ass with Wukong, we're gonna, we're gonna quit. We're gonna redo. Alright, Wukong. That looks nothing like Wukong. Show us what you got.


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[Assistant] Oh my god, he hit a triple. It's not bad, Wukong. But still, I want more, I want more, uh, Fortnite skins on my team. Oh, we got Funk Ops.


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[Assistant] Oh my lord. Do I really have to delete my skins? Or my me's?


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[Assistant] I get her and Maven mixed up. Sparkle Specialist is good at Wii Sports Baseball.


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[Assistant] Maven is not. See, as I said, Sparkle Specialist is a freaking, she's a babe, plus good at baseball.


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[Assistant] Alright, Maven, your ass cheeks, but you are hotter. That was a ball, 110% Maven, you shouldn't have swung at that.


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[Assistant] Oh, Maven. Maybe you're finally good at not just being hot.


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[Assistant] Andy delivered. We are just on a tear right now. I think that's like three home runs in a row. Is that like a turkey?


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[Assistant] I think that's a turkey. Beef Boss. We had four Fortnite skins in a row there.


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[Assistant] Oh no, beefboss. Beefboss, you were my man! Now we're over to dick.


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[Assistant] See, once you get more than two Fortnite skins on a team, you're too overpowered.


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[Assistant] We're just too sweaty. Wait, I made a default skin and I have not seen the default yet.


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[Assistant] How many of these games have I played and the default hasn't came in once? Dude, I'm about to delete all my other me's just so I can actually get a team that's


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[Assistant] That's like a lot of history I'm deleting there. But you know what? I gotta do it for the content. No, but then I'm deleting my pro baseball account. Oh my god. I gotta-


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[Assistant] I gotta keep some of them. So he's done. Rampa, I'm really sorry.


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[Assistant] But you're done. Let's see if all this deleting is worth it or if it's still gonna give me a bunch of me's that are not Fortnite skins.


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[Assistant] Nope, nope, nope, nope. Oh my god. I am just going to get into games until I get a team that's 100% Fortnite skins.


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[Assistant] And this could take a long time. I think this one only has two people that aren't Fortnite skins and one of them is DJ Keemstar and he's enough of a meme. Fishtick starting it out weak as


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[Assistant] But Funkops, Funkops is in here to really destroy some shit.


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah. Alright, we can't mercy rule them. So I gotta go, I gotta get out. I could just not swing, but instead I'm trying to bunt it. There we go.


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[Assistant] Alright, Skulltrooper. You've been shit for me before, so it's very fitting that you're gonna be the one to get us out.


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[Assistant] Aw, come on! Who is that over there? Don't worry, my actual Mii will save the day. I think that's Sparkle Specialist? Ah, Sparkle Specialist's letting me down over there.


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[Assistant] You're making Skulltrooper get it. It's Wukong in the default over in the-


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[Assistant] Alright, here we go. Finally, Sparkle Specialist, thank you.


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[Assistant] Oh, oof. Alright, we survived Skull Trooper. Now can we survive Fish Sticks?


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[Assistant] Fuck you, Oscar. I fucking hate you, Oscar. You're a piece of shit, Oscar. I fucking hate Oscar and his close together face.


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[Assistant] In those glasses. He is just the absolute definition of a douche. Fuck you, and he's so happy he got me out there.


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[Assistant] I had the dream team assembled and we lost. Beef Boss.


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[Assistant] Of course, John Wick would be the one to hit it out of the park.


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[Assistant] How fitting is that? Beef Boss is the frickin' catcher. Oh my lord.


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[Assistant] Apparently I can't figure out how to throw the ball. Why are we doing that? I'm not telling you to give me feedback like an exclamation point above ya. I'm just telling you what to throw. It's not that, it's not that complicated. Just throw the ball.


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[Assistant] As I said, for you to throw it, not as exclamation point fastball, I was explaining something not meaning to throw the ball there.


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[Assistant] Every time, I throw about six balls at them and then they just decide to hit a home run. Oh my- Oh my god. Don't everyone- What? That actually was a-


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[Assistant] Oh my god, I can't believe that actually worked.


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[Assistant] Hah, look at that, we won this time. I don't have to rage quit.


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[Assistant] I reflected and thought on the hole I had. It was a comfort.


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[Assistant] But indeed I had been on my guard almost from the beginning of the interview. Something of masquerade, I suspect it.


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[Assistant] I knew gypsies and fortune tellers did not express themselves as this seeming old woman had expressed herself. Besides, I had noted her feigned voice, her anxiety to conceal her features.


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[Assistant] But my mind had been running on Grace Poole, that living enigma, that mystery of mysteries, as I considered her. I had never thought of Mr. Rochester. Well,


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[Assistant] What are you musing about? What does that grave smile signify?


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[Assistant] No. Stay a moment, and tell me what the people in the drawing-room yonder are doing. Discussing the gypsy, I dare say. Sit down. Let me hear what they said about me. I'd better not stay long, sir. It must be near eleven o'clock.


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[Assistant] Oh, are you aware, Mr. Rochester, that a stranger has arrived here since you left this morning? A stranger? No, who can it be? I expected no one. Is he gone?


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[Assistant] No, he said he had known you long, and that he could take the liberty of installing himself here till you returned. The devil he did! Did he give his name?


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[Assistant] His name is Mason, sir, and he comes from the West Indies, from a Spanish town in Jamaica, I think. Mr. Rochester was standing near me. He had taken my hand as if to lead me to a chair. As I spoke, he gave my wrist a convulsive grip. The smile on his lips froze. Apparently a spasm caught his breath. Mason. The West Indies, he said.


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[Assistant] In a tone one might fancy a speaking automaton to announce its single words. Mason. The West Indies.


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[Assistant] He reiterated, and he went over the syllables three times, growing in the intervals of speaking whiter than ashes. He hardly seemed to know what he was doing.


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[Assistant] Jane, you offered me your shoulder once before. Let me have it now.


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[Assistant] He sat down and made me sit beside him. Holding my hand in both his own, he chafed it.


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[Assistant] Jane, if aid is wanted, I'll seek it at your hands, I promise you that.


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[Assistant] Tell me what to do. I'll try at least to do it. Fetch me now, Jane, a glass of wine from the dining room. There will be a supper there. And tell me if Mason is with them, and what he's doing.


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[Assistant] I found all the party in the dining room at supper, as Mr. Rochester had said. They were not seated at table. The supper was arranged on the sideboard.


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[Assistant] Each had taken what he chose, and they stood about here and there in groups, their plates and glasses in their hands. Everyone seemed in high glee. Laughter and conversation were general and animated. Mr Mason stood near the fire.


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[Assistant] Talking to Colonel and Mrs. Dent, and appeared as merry as any of them. I filled a wine-glass. I saw Miss Ingram watch me frowningly as I did so. She thought I was taking a liberty, I dare say, and I returned to the library. Mr. Rochester's extreme pallor had disappeared, and he looked once more firm and stern. He took the glass from my hand.


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[Assistant] Here's to your health, minestrant spirit, he said. He swallowed the contents and returned it to me. What are they doing, Jane?


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[Assistant] They don't look grave and mysterious, as if they had heard something strange. Not at all. They're full of jests and gaiety. And Mason? He was laughing too.


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[Assistant] If all those people came in a body and spat at me, what would you do, Jane? Turn them out of the room, sir, if I could. He half-smiled.


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[Assistant] But if I were to go to them, and they only looked at me coldly and whispered sneeringly amongst each other, and then dropped off and left me one by one, what then? Would you go with them? I'd rather think not, sir. I should have more pleasure in staying with you. To comfort me? Yes, sir. To comfort you as well as I could. And if they laid you under a ban for adhering to me? I probably should know nothing about their ban.


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[Assistant] And if I did, I should care nothing about it. And you could dare censure for my sake.


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[Assistant] I could dare it for the sake of any friend who deserved my adherence, as you I am sure do. Go back now into the room. Step quietly up to Mason.


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[Assistant] And whisper in his ear that Mr. Rochester has come and wishes to see him. Show him in here, and then leave me.


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[Assistant] I did his behest. The company all stared at me as I passed straight among them. I sought Mr Mason, delivered the message, and proceeded him from the room.


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[Assistant] I ushered him into the library, and then I went upstairs.


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[Assistant] At a late hour, after I had been in bed some time, I heard the visitors repair to their chambers. I distinguished Mr. Rochester's voice, and heard him say, This way, Mason. This is your room.


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[Assistant] He spoke cheerfully. The gay tones set my heart at ease. I was soon asleep.


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[Assistant] No, she's straightening out the research library. Doing it very well too. Husband's overseas, you know.


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[Assistant] You're wanting to get a fresh start, as you call it.


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[Assistant] He's having a meeting with some British purchasing agents. I think it'll last quite late. What's that?


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[Assistant] That's because I've got thin earlobes and rather thick eyebrows.


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[Assistant] Leaving a balance of, uhm, sixty cents.


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[Assistant] Don't interrupt. Marilyn never interrupts.


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[Assistant] And I wouldn't trade a little finger for your... Well, I just wouldn't, that's all.


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[Assistant] Yes. Yes, it seems we both made a lot of promises.


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[Assistant] I'm afraid it is a mistake. My thoughts deceive me. I wished to see Jane Eyre, and I fancy a likeness where none exists. Besides, in eight years she must be changed.


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[Assistant] I now gently assured her that I was the person she supposed and desired me to be, and seeing that I was understood, and that her senses were quite collected,


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[Assistant] I explained how Bessie had sent her husband to fetch me from Thornfield.


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[Assistant] I'm very ill, you know, she said, Erlong.


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[Assistant] I was trying to turn myself a few minutes since, and find I cannot move a limb.


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[Assistant] It is as well I should ease my mind before I die.


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[Assistant] What we think little of in health burdens us at such an hour as the present is to me. Is the nurse here, or is there no one in the room but you? I assured her we were alone. Well,


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[Assistant] I have twice done you a wrong, which I regret now.


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[Assistant] One was in breaking the promise which I gave my husband to bring you up as my own child. The other... She stopped.


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[Assistant] Her face changed, she seemed to experience some inward sensation, the precursor, perhaps, of the last pang. Well, I must get it over. Eternity is before me. I had better tell her. Go to my dressing-case, open it, and take out a letter you will see there. I obeyed her directions. Read the letter, she said.


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[Assistant] It was short and thus conceived. Madam.


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[Assistant] Will you have the goodness to send me the address of my niece Jane Eyre and to tell me how she is?


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[Assistant] It is my intention to write shortly and desire her to come to me at Madeira.


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[Assistant] Providence has blessed my endeavors to secure a competency, and as I am unmarried and childless, I wish to adopt her during my life, and bequeath her at my death, whatever I may have to leave.


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[Assistant] Because I disliked you too fixedly and thoroughly ever to lend a hand in lifting you to prosperity. I could not forget your conduct to me, Jane, the fury with which you once turned on me.


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[Assistant] The tone in which you declared you abhorred me the worst of anybody in the world.


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[Assistant] The unchildlike look and voice with which you affirmed that the very thought of me made you sick, and asserted that I had treated you with miserable cruelty.


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[Assistant] I could not forget my own sensations when you thus started up and poured out the venom of your mind.


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[Assistant] I felt fear as if an animal that I had struck or pushed had looked up at me with human eyes and cursed me in a man's voice. Bring me some water. Oh, make haste.


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[Assistant] Dear Mrs. Reed," said I, as I offered her the draught she required.


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[Assistant] Forgive me for my passionate language. I was a child then, eight, nine years have passed since that day. She heeded nothing of what I said, but when she had tasted the water and drawn breath, she went on thus. I tell you, I could not forget it, and I took my revenge.


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[Assistant] For you to be adopted by your uncle and placed in a state of ease and comfort was what I could not endure. I wrote to him. I said I was sorry for his disappointment, but Jane Eyre was dead. She had died of typhus fever at Lowood. Now, act as you please.


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[Assistant] Write and contradict my assertion. Expose my falsehood as soon as you like. You were born, I think, to be my torment.


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[Assistant] My last hour is wracked by the recollection of a deed which, but for you, I should never have been tempted to commit.


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[Assistant] If you could be persuaded to think no more of it, aunt, and to regard me with kindness and forgiveness. You have a very bad disposition," said she.


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[Assistant] And one to this day I feel it impossible to understand.


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[Assistant] How for nine years you could be patient and quiescent under any treatment.


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[Assistant] And in attempt to break out all fire and violence, I can never comprehend.


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[Assistant] Uh, I guess we've got something to talk about. I guess so. Uh, yeaah. So uhm.


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[Assistant] I don't know man, like the last time we talked it was, uh, we were talking about Amanda and I was all stoked for you. That's true. And I was man, I don't want you to think that I wasn't, it was, uh, but, uh, I was hanging out with Amanda kind of recently and, uh, something just like, something clicked, you know, something, something was different


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[Assistant] You sure? I mean like, I kinda feel like I violated the code or something like that.


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[Assistant] No, totally. If you didn't mean that, so. Totally, it's just, uh, yeah. So, I'm glad, I'm glad it's relatively okay, so let me know if there's anything I can do.


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[Assistant] Hello there everyone and welcome to Super Rubber Ross World. Mario Maker 2 levels created by our dear friend Ross O'Donovan who isn't even hiding his evil anymore as clear by his little me character with the evil face.


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[Assistant] You know he had me help him with one of these levels, right? Yes, yes. So I got to see his genius in action. And it is, uh, it's something else.


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[Assistant] My favorite one that I saw, I showed you this earlier, was the, uh, the one that said, At this point I'm 97% feral and cannot be reintegrated into society.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and it should also be stated that part of his motivation was his natural sadism, and pure joy in watching us suffer.


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[Assistant] We, we were like, Ross, I think you're a sadist. And he said, I don't know if I am. I mean, what is the definition of that? And we said, oh, it's someone who derives pleasure from the suffering of others. And he was like, oh yeah, I've got that.


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[Assistant] Alright, great work. Thank you, pig friend. Can't go in the door, it's locked. Okay, yeah, so just do the fire album dropping part. Fire album.


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[Assistant] Ahhhh, alright. I'm assuming you have to keep them on screen, yeah?


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[Assistant] I don't like they're slowly moving. Yeah, they're kinda doing a little shimmy sham. Body heads. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Okay, yeah, they're going. And we're walking? Yep, yep, yep, yep.


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[Assistant] That's going to be very tough. Felt like some of those things were out of our control. Fuck. Oh no. Fuck. Oh. Oh no.


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[Assistant] Hopscape jumps. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Did you hop and- you jumped when you should've hopped and or skipped.


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[Assistant] Oh yeah. Oh, this is gonna get confusing. Well, okay. Uppy-duppy! Yeah, thanks for throwing in that little thing laughing at us, Ross.


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[Assistant] I've done it, I just didn't do it and then think like, I gotta do this all the time.


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[Assistant] I don't like screaming. I mean, I know it's cathartic and all that, but uhm, it just hurts, it hurts my throat.


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[Assistant] Ohhhhh. You lost your ability to pee there. Yeah. Got it. Whoops. Mmmmmm. Whoops.


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[Assistant] What was the deal with that? I don't know. Maybe you should start over and take the pee.


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[Assistant] We are, we're like three minutes into this level. Could you? And this is the first episode.


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[Assistant] Oh, but what? I don't know dude. But how? Maybe you just have to take a big flying leap off of it.


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[Assistant] That's, dude, honestly, I was pee shy as a kid. Really? For sure. Like, cause, I mean...


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[Assistant] That's, when you're growing up in your family, that's like your private time. And then all of a sudden- It's your pee time. Yeah, it's pee time, and then all of a sudden you're in school, and you're surrounded by other kids that are strangers in many cases, and all of a sudden you have to whip out the old dong. It's like, it's not-


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[Assistant] Yeah, leaning over fully. Total eye contact.


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[Assistant] Can you take giant flying leaps while you're doing this?


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[Assistant] Yeah, try to, as soon as it clears the buzzsaw, try to make big jumpies. No? No big jumpies?


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[Assistant] Corky Spinny Jump. On this blue you mean? On this one, yeaah.


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[Assistant] Oh! I have to release the boo from underneath. Interesting. Uhm.


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[Assistant] That reminds me of commercials in the 80s, where they would have, uh, I can't think of an example now, but they would have a famous, uh,


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[Assistant] Yeah, uh, just some famous musician changed their song, but in like a super obvious, not clever way. Like, yeah, uhm, trying to think of an example. Whoa!


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[Assistant] Cause tears of fears wouldn't- wouldn't sell out like that.


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[Assistant] Yeah, and the Frickening, the follow-up to Legend of Frick.


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[Assistant] In an attempt to not, like, come down on you hard, like, to not be like, you idiot! You know, I'm just like, trying to be really like...


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[Assistant] Oh, my buddy. Okay, well I guess there's no- I guess this was not correct.


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[Assistant] Ah, the Barstas celebrated everywhere for their deadliness.


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[Assistant] It is funny how like, just the idea of trolling became


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[Assistant] I feel like the definition of it changed from its initial meaning. Because initially, like, you would not want to be a troll. Trolls are disgusting, you know, creepy hell monsters. Right.


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[Assistant] They live under bridges. Yeah, and it was basically like, you're being an asshole. You're being a horrible, god-awful creature. But...


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[Assistant] Now the idea of trolling has like a nobility to it.


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[Assistant] I trolled him. Success, successful troll. What a troll, dude. Are we just celebrating ass-holishness now? Because that's definitely what it seems like.


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[Assistant] Okay. So, he probably takes three hits. Just gotta hit him three more times.


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[Assistant] If he could do this two more times, I'm in real trouble, but I mean, let's be honest.


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[Assistant] Yeah! I like it. Alright, here we go. One minute? Who got through this stage in one minute? I don't know, a man with mushrooms growing out of his head. Alright, next time on Game Grumps. Goodbye.


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[Assistant] I wanna go here and illuminate that and that. Okay.


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[Assistant] Yeah, fifty-fifty. I'm checking it to Lily. Are you mad? A dad'll belt her.


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[Assistant] Miss Bridget, you're flattering us. We both know who's got the job. You don't think he's right? She was fine. She's family once locken up. But you know, when you made him gaffer, he was resented.


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[Assistant] Miss Bridget, you could have been your dad's son.


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[Assistant] Miss Brigid, you're flatterin' us. We both know who's got the job. You don't think he's right? She was fine. She's family once lockin' up. But you know, when you made him gaffer, he was resented.


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[Assistant] Miss Bridget, you could have been your dad's son.


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[Assistant] And how's your family? Well you can go to hell!


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[Assistant] Listener at the bar, this careful trial is now ended by the verdict which your fellows have pronounced. The sentence is that you be taken to the place from whence you came, and from thence to a place of execution, and there you be hanged by the neck until you be dead.


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[Assistant] Uh, I'm in the blue car, uh, my team name is, uh,


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[Assistant] I'm also gonna go nine. Oh wait, no!


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[Assistant] Alright, flippin' bird. Uhm, so I will be moving five. Uhm, literally.


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[Assistant] These tires are going off.


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[Assistant] Uhm, and I am discarding some heat, courtesy of being in last place.


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[Assistant] Slipstream him, and in fact, I, uhm, so I am gonna slipstream. Sweet.


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[Assistant] I can do math, and I knew that that was seven and not six, so thanks so much.


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[Assistant] Uhm, and then I'm gonna do nothing because...


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[Assistant] You're not, you might have to pay anyway and you're only gonna pay one more and you, you don't have, you have like a ton of heat. Oh, I don't know how much you shuffled in.


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[Assistant] And if you slipstreamed, you could pay another 2 and be where I am and pass that turn.


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[Assistant] And I saw what you were going to do, but I didn't anticipate the slipstream.


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[Assistant] Question is, I'm still, I still have no heat.


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[Assistant] These are superstars for this generation. But is it good for the girls doing it? I just left a photoshoot for an Amish romance cover. A lot of the fantasy is just that fantasy.


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[Assistant] We give you some botox so that this bulk goes in. You just reach that point where it's time to act.


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[Assistant] Apparently last time when I was playing basketball on Wii Sports Resort here,


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[Assistant] I got to pro, but I didn't get to champion, so I have not actually played the boss yet.


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[Assistant] So, I want to get to the boss. I just broke my frickin' Wii Remote Condom.


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[Assistant] Dammit. I hope this doesn't affect my...


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[Assistant] So I'd like to keep that true. Oh, like I never missed a beat. Woo!


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[Assistant] We are on fire right now. So I'm gonna have to say, out of Wii Sports Regular and Wii Sports Resort, I'm really feeling that basketball's my favorite. Oh, what do they got, a pick and roll here or some shit?


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[Assistant] Oh hooo. Oscar's kind of a frickin' loser. Really. Oh.


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[Assistant] Fuck you, Oscar. You still suck cock. You only made a two pointer again. What a little wiener.


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[Assistant] Oh my god, what's with these balls like going in and then just...


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[Assistant] Not that big of a lead. I feel like we're beating them a lot better.


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[Assistant] I don't, I don't know what to complain about right now, I can't scream. Everything's going pretty good. Oh well. He jumped, he jumped though. We just jumped too late, which is kinda on me. I'm actually taking responsibility for my own shortcomings.


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[Assistant] Oh yea, yea, nice, nice, buzzer beater 3. Too bad it doesn't make a fucking difference. I hate it when they do that shit, like, there's no point. You lost still, but now you hurt the experience that I'm gaining. Now I gain lots. That looks nothing like Nelly. Nelly is a black man. That's what you get, Nelly. Ayyy, must be the money. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


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[Assistant] This rim is giving me a job right now.


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[Assistant] If I lose this, I'm ragequitting it because it's a technicality. My B button's being very sensitive.


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[Assistant] No, thank god. That's a, that's a big miss right there. Now I need a big three.


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[Assistant] Alright, this is gonna be a good one. This is gonna be a good one right here. Unless I lose, then it's a bad one. Oh, thank you for doing that.


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[Assistant] How does she read me like that? I'm giving her the fake of the century.


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[Assistant] If they come back and hit a three here, I'm going to be so pissed off. They're easy. Yup. Yup. Oh, all right. That's okay.


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[Assistant] Of course, I jump wrong, but it doesn't matter because he decided to go for a two. Yeah, great time to go for a two with two seconds left and you're down three. Go for a two.


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[Assistant] That's just the shit that pisses me off. Cause you just make my, my win look worse. That's all you're doing. You still lost.


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[Assistant] Oh, how do we miss that shit? Oh, oh, Beatbox, what are you doing?


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[Assistant] BEEF BOSS! I might have to order a couple more Wii remotes because I tend to get mad and break them.


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[Assistant] Yup, this Wii Remote definitely shoots better. Are we just relying on the fact that he's a crap 3-point shooter? Because that kinda worked there.


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[Assistant] Oh, thank god. He is a terrible three-point shooter. Honestly, I might not defend him at all the next shot. God, fuck you!


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[Assistant] Oh yeaah, Patrick's a fucking super genius, reading my mind. Knowing exactly when I'm gonna jump.


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[Assistant] Alright, okay, we're 1-3 away from coming back into this game.


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[Assistant] Wieners up my fucking ass! Alright, we're good. We're good. Alright, we have a chance here to take the lead, actually.


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[Assistant] I hate Patrick so much. You're a piece of shit, Patrick. I hope you know. You fucking suck cock at goddamn basketball. But you have fucking long hair Joe there in the back left, who's fucking the best defender in the history of basketball.


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[Assistant] Just to prove it, watch this, watch this, I'll go for the, go for the three here.


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[Assistant] No, yep, once again, I- first off, I- I- I'm trying to do a fake, but John Wick thinks I wanna actually fucking go to shoot. No! Alright? But still, either way, I actually did jump, and of course, fucking long-haired Joe there, fucking piece of shit, knew to jump just then. Oh, finally! And we miss!


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[Assistant] Who the fuck we playing basketball for? The damn little league? Yep, uh, the key is to just stand there. And John- John- Why do I keep on- I don't know where I got the name John for him, but I guess I'm sticking with it. Long haired John over there. Why are we not- Now it's- Wow, that was a-


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[Assistant] That was a play right there. But now it's when I, I'm trying to back the ball and I'm flicking my Wii remote and it's, they're not doing it. Yoshi the 62 year old woman.


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[Assistant] I can't tell you how many old women I've met whose name is Yoshi.


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[Assistant] It's not my fault, Steve's given me the death stare, so I don't know whether I can shoot or not.


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[Assistant] Every other time we smack the ball from them in that situation. That time, we just fall on the ground.


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[Assistant] Alright, we need a miss here by them. Badly.


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[Assistant] Alright, we actually have a chance here. We have a chance.


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[Assistant] Alright, we can't, we cannot give up points here.


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[Assistant] I don't know how that went in that had like no arc at all. Oh, sorry Yoshi, but I'll hand you the L for that one. What a game. That was a game right there. Granted, I think there was some bias towards Yoshi's team. We still prevailed in the showdown between a hamburger and a lizard. The hamburger wins.


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[Assistant] Which, I don't know how much debate was behind it, but I kept on wanting to call Theo a she. Great defense. Between hamburger man and fish sticks, you guys both managed to be covering nobody.


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[Assistant] Fishsticks, what the fuck are you defending six feet in front of him?


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[Assistant] Not that we're in a closed game or anything. Fuck you, Steve.


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[Assistant] Oh, thank the lord, Theo's five head couldn't calculate that one right. The game on the line. We can take a lead here. Be in a pretty good spot. Abbey's a pretty bad defender.


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[Assistant] Wow, another one point thriller. That looks nothing like a Pablo. How do we not smack that?


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[Assistant] Of course, he takes a three, and Maven's fucking 16 feet in front of him. Like THAT'S the fucking place to play defense! Right in the middle of nowhere, right where no one is! Just in case the fucking ground decides to take a fucking shot! Am I right? Okay, we can never be pr- enough prepared for the ground to take a three-pointer!


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[Assistant] We are literally sticking this Wii Remote right up my ass right now. Oh, we finally blocked a shot! Thanks for being too late though!


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[Assistant] Why were we taking a shot from behind the backboard? Stop going in! I wanna take a three! A THREE! I WANNA TAKE A THREE! Thank you!


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[Assistant] This guy's another fucking super genius who can always know when to jump. Oh, and he's a dunker too. AWESOME DUNK!


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[Assistant] I'm gonna have the announcer suck you off tonight because he gets hard every time there's a dunk.


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[Assistant] He always just knows there's one time that I could get a three on him. Otherwise, y-you know, we just fall on our face, both metaphorically and literally. I-I just do not-


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[Assistant] It's not even them, it's just us, we suck dick. And I can make twos. The second I say that, John Wick is so bad.


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[Assistant] That's the second time this game he's left a two-pointer short.


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[Assistant] How do you leave a two pointer short? How do we miss swatting that?


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[Assistant] Well, that wasn't a buzzer beater. In fact, we gave them enough time to score and not give me enough time to score.


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[Assistant] He can't, she can't score. There's no way. Please be the boss now. I'm tired of playing these amateurs.


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[Assistant] This is what I've been waiting for. And my team lineup is looking weak because we got fish sticks and sparkle specialists.


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[Assistant] I guess they're all super geniuses now that can know when I'm jumping.


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[Assistant] At least it's not a three pointer. That's all we have to look forward to at this point. They didn't score a three. They scored a two. Once again, she- I even faked her out once and she still knew when to jump.


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[Assistant] I realize he's the champion, but even the best basketball players miss a shot. I don't think they've missed a single shot. Every shot they take, they make.


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[Assistant] We have a slight, very, very slight, so small, it's smaller than BeatBoss's wiener. Kind of odds of winning this game. But I'm still going to play through here. And see if my teammates can-


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[Assistant] Wow, I cannot believe we actually got that there. The thing is, we're still gonna end up two points short. Nope, that doesn't matter. She- Blocky McBlockBlock knows exactly when to jump. OH HO HO HO!


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[Assistant] Wow, we have a tie game that isn't 0-0. I think this might be a first. This is my best shot.


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[Assistant] Okay, this is literally my best chance ever to grab a tie. And what do we do? We chuck it at the rim.


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[Assistant] Nope, instead we're just gonna take a commanding swat to the face.


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[Assistant] I don't want you to have the satisfaction of making that point. You suck. I'm gonna be playing Tommy for six hours trying to beat him.


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[Assistant] They're gods. They're nothing short of gods. This guy, there's no point. I might as well get a breath of air when he shoots and rest my arm because I can never, ever, ever, ever, ever jump at the right time.


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[Assistant] It's, I think it's impossible. He will always, always, always know.


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[Assistant] And we will always always miss threes. The threes we need to hit will miss. Don't worry.


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[Assistant] Basketball I have ever played. I suck at basketball in real life. And this is more frustrating.


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[Assistant] Still be able to jump at the right time! Oh wow, he missed! That's a second.


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[Assistant] This is the second time we've seen him miss, and this is like the fourth or fifth time of me playing him. The odds are low, but I'm still gonna hang in there.


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[Assistant] Yep, nope, nevermind. I'm done. I-I literally can't.