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[Assistant] She felt that she would do almost anything that he asked her to.


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[Assistant] The man explained to her that his parents had recently died in India, and as a result,


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[Assistant] He had now become responsible for the care of his niece and nephew. His brother, their father, had died recently. So they no longer had anyone to raise them.


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[Assistant] The young man did not feel he could do a good job taking care of them.


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[Assistant] So he had them sent to his home in Essex, where the housekeeper there, Mrs. Grose, was in charge.


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[Assistant] The school teacher was told that the children needed a tutor. They had had a woman teaching them before. However, she died.


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[Assistant] Then they had no choice but to send Miles the young boy to school. The girl, Flora, was younger and still spent all day at home.


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[Assistant] Altogether, there were five people working at the home, a cleaning woman, a cook, a man to care for the house, a man to care for the garden, and a milk woman. Excuse me, but I must ask a question, interrupted one of the listeners. How did the first teacher die? You'll find out later on, Douglas answered.


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[Assistant] It also sounded like a lot of responsibility. She would be the master of the entire house.


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[Assistant] The young man told her that he never wanted to be contacted by her.


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[Assistant] Any problems that might arise, had to be taken care of by her alone.


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[Assistant] She agreed to this, and it was clear to her that the young man felt suddenly very easy.


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[Assistant] They only saw each other two times. There was no opportunity for any development of a relationship. Douglas stopped for a moment to think, and then began again.


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[Assistant] Other people had applied and interviewed for the position. Most of them, however,


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[Assistant] Could not accept being alone and having no support from the family.


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[Assistant] This woman also found the details of the job strange.


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[Assistant] But it paid so much more than she had ever made before. In the end, she decided to take the job. And that is everything you need to know. The actual story will begin tomorrow evening, for it's much too late to begin telling it now. With that, he left the room and went to bed. When Douglas appeared in the library the next evening, he had a book in his hands instead of a letter.


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[Assistant] It appeared to be a diary. He sat down in a comfortable leather chair, opened the book, and began to read it aloud.


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[Assistant] I do not recall how much I told you the other night in my letter. I was up until very late writing it. It is a good thing you were not here


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[Assistant] Or I would have surely talked to you until sunrise. You still do not know about our ride home together. I will not go into too much detail.


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[Assistant] Everyone else in the carriage was asleep except for Charlotte and myself. She asked me if I was feeling very sleepy.


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[Assistant] I turned toward her and looking directly into her eyes said,


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[Assistant] It would be impossible for me to sleep while you are awake.


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[Assistant] When we finally reached her home, I walked her to the front door. Everyone was asleep inside.


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[Assistant] I asked her if I could visit her the following day. She agreed, and I returned to the carriage.


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[Assistant] Since then, my mind can only think of her. Everything else seems so unimportant.


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[Assistant] I have never felt so much happiness in my life as I do now.


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[Assistant] I have recently moved to Walheim so that I can be closer to Charlotte.


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[Assistant] How could I ever have guessed that my aimless wandering about the countryside would eventually lead me to such heavenly place?


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[Assistant] How many times must I have passed that hunting lodge, unaware of the woman it held inside?


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[Assistant] The one woman who could so capture my heart.


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[Assistant] I find it interesting that when I first looked upon the countryside from that hill at Walheim, I was filled with a great desire to explore all the wonderful little areas before me.


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[Assistant] I went to them and then returned, feeling unsatisfied.


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[Assistant] It seems as though looking at things from far away is much like looking at our own future. We make goals for ourselves. We dream of reaching them.


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[Assistant] Then, once we do, we still feel as empty and unhappy as before.


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[Assistant] Men who travel the world searching for happiness often become terribly homesick and then find upon their return to their wife and family


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[Assistant] That the thing they were looking for already existed in their own home.


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[Assistant] As the sun is rising, I enjoy going out to fill my bag with vegetables, which will later be my supper.


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[Assistant] I then sit down to work, removing their outer covering and cleaning them, taking occasional breaks to read Homer.


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[Assistant] And finally, I put them in a pan and cook them over a hot stove.


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[Assistant] Being careful to stir them regularly so they don't burn.


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[Assistant] Who prepares his food while patiently waiting outside beautiful Penelope's castle. Hoping that she will choose him as her husband.


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[Assistant] A day or so ago, the town doctor came to see the judge.


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[Assistant] He was very disappointed to find me there, playing around with Charlotte's brothers and sisters.


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[Assistant] He is a quite serious fellow and seemed to feel that my behavior was inappropriate for a grown man. To be honest, I did not care what he thought.


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[Assistant] However, afterward, he went around town saying that I was spoiling the judge's children too much.


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[Assistant] I must admit that I cannot help myself with children.


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[Assistant] I love being able to see their characters beginning to form. I love their purity.


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[Assistant] We adults should admire them more than we do. We should not try to control them so much.


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[Assistant] We, who are so imperfect and so dissatisfied with ourselves, always strive to make our children like ourselves. Why? Because we are more wise?


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[Assistant] Because we have lived longer and experienced more, I think that it should be quite the other way around. We should be learning from them. I'll stop here, Wilhelm.


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[Assistant] The topic is a very confusing and upsetting one for me.


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[Assistant] My poor heart suffers from not being near Charlotte these last few days.


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[Assistant] She is away in the town, watching over a dying woman who asked for her company.


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[Assistant] She and I went to a mountain village together just the week before to see the priest of S. He is quite an old man.


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[Assistant] When we arrived we found him sitting in a chair outside his home, under a couple of trees.


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[Assistant] As soon as he saw Charlotte, he forgot himself and immediately stood up to walk toward her.


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[Assistant] Knowing that he could not walk well, Charlotte quickly ran over to him and helped him back down into his chair.


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[Assistant] She read him a couple of letters from her father, and then began to play with the fellow's grandchild.


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[Assistant] I cannot tell you how moved I was to see how kind she was toward the man.


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[Assistant] And the man you could clearly see appreciated all her efforts.


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[Assistant] His mood brightened so much that he seemed to become a few years younger.


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[Assistant] Noticing the attention I was paying to the two huge trees that he sat under.


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[Assistant] He even managed to gather enough strength to tell us about their history.


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[Assistant] I'm not exactly sure about the age of the older one.


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[Assistant] But this other one here is exactly as old as my wife.


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[Assistant] Her father put it into the ground here the very same day that she came into this world.


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[Assistant] She was sitting under this tree, sewing clothes. The old fellow's daughter, Frederica.


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[Assistant] Soon appeared in the courtyard with a young man, who my guest was her boyfriend.


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[Assistant] She was a very pretty brown-haired girl with a pleasant character.


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[Assistant] Her boyfriend was quiet and would not, no matter how hard Charlotte tried, talk much with us.


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[Assistant] I soon learned that his quietness was not from shyness, but from a bad attitude. The four of us then took a walk together.


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[Assistant] And as I was talking to Frederica I noticed that her boyfriend's face began to look angry.


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[Assistant] Charlotte placed her hand on my arm to suggest that I not talk so much with Frederica.


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[Assistant] I simply hated Wilhelm, when men behave like this fellow.


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[Assistant] Instead of enjoying the moment, they spend it in being upset for no reason.


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[Assistant] When, later on, at the priest's dinner table, people were discussing the troubles of today's world,


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[Assistant] I took the opportunity to express my opinion about people who have bad attitudes.


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[Assistant] So often do I hear people say that they are seldom happy, I began.


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[Assistant] They don't seem to appreciate the wonderful things God has given us in this world.


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[Assistant] That is true, I agreed. But in that case, we ought to simply find a treatment for the illness.


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[Assistant] Exactly, I cried. People have bad attitudes because they are too lazy to try and be happy. Frederica's boyfriend disagreed. He felt that people could not control their nature.


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[Assistant] But it's the people who never try to change their feeling remain unhappy. They should at least try.


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[Assistant] I then notice the priest putting his hand to his ear, trying to listen.


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[Assistant] Speaking louder I said, we're talking about people with bad attitudes.


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[Assistant] Ah, he cried. Only city people have bad attitudes. We countryside people are all happy.


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[Assistant] Everyone at the table laughed, until the old man started to cough loudly.


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[Assistant] Once he was fine again. Frederica's boyfriend continued his argument from before.


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[Assistant] You talk of bad attitudes, but maybe some people are just naturally unhappy. Aren't you being a little too hard on them?


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[Assistant] If they are unhappy, I replied, why must they try and make everyone else around them unhappy as well?


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[Assistant] He should keep his unhappiness inside himself and not upset others.


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[Assistant] I also think that people hate it when they see that they are not the cause of other people's happiness. It makes them angry with the happy person. I was speaking passionately now.


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[Assistant] And saw that Frederica's eyes were beginning to water. I think that these people are cruel. We should all be free to enjoy happiness.


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[Assistant] My voice began to shake with emotion as certain moments of my past came suddenly into my mind.


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[Assistant] What will the horrible man feel, when he is standing next to the deathbed of the girl he caused to die from sadness? Seeing that she cannot be helped.


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[Assistant] That he cannot save her or change the way he had treated her. He will suffer the worst guilt in the world. He will never be able to forgive himself.


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[Assistant] In truth, I had seen such a situation occur before.


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[Assistant] And the memory of this became too much for me to handle.


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[Assistant] I immediately rose from the table with my arm over my eyes to try and hide the tears that were now coming and ran from the room. On our way home, Charlotte was very kind.


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[Assistant] She told me that I should not be so passionate about everything. She was worried that it might hurt me eventually. Thank you dear Charlotte. Because of you, I will take better care of myself.


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[Assistant] As soon as Mrs. Groves was out of the room, I wished that I had not suggested that she go away.


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[Assistant] I was a little frightened by the idea of being on my own to face the evil that was trying to control Miles. And when


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[Assistant] Two hours later, I was told that the housekeeper and young Flora had just left the house. I felt more alone than ever before.


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[Assistant] The workers and servants in the house did not seem to understand what was happening.


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[Assistant] It was clear that something was wrong, by the way that Flora had been first locked in her room, and second, taken away by Mrs. Grose. None of them said a word to me.


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[Assistant] But I could feel that they were confused and even possibly troubled.


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[Assistant] I decided then to become very strict and serious with everyone. As I walked about the house, I could not find miles anywhere. Because up until recently, I had always been with the children at all times.


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[Assistant] It was obvious to the servants that things were different between the boy and me.


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[Assistant] It was also made obvious by the way we no longer bothered to have class.


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[Assistant] We usually met in the classroom to begin the day's lessons.


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[Assistant] Now however, the servants told me that Miles had gone for a walk by himself. In a way,


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[Assistant] I was glad that we did not bother to pretend that our classes were useful anymore.


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[Assistant] For a long time now, I had nothing more to teach the boy. He of course felt it too.


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[Assistant] I was also too troubled by everything to teach well.


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[Assistant] Starting that day, I would always have dinner with Miles in the dining room, where I had once frightened Mrs. Groves in the window.


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[Assistant] Everything now was much more formal between the boy and me. It had to be this way. In order to prevent myself from going crazy, I had to turn myself into stone.


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[Assistant] I thought for certain that he was going to make a joke about the main dish, when instead he said, I have to say, I'm a little worried about Flora. Is she seriously ill?


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[Assistant] Miles sat down near me with a confused look on his face. But she was taken away so suddenly.


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[Assistant] I still did not know the reason for his dismissal from the school, but I did know it was not for bad eating habits. Our dinner was short.


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[Assistant] As soon as we finished, I asked the servants to clear the table.


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[Assistant] Miles, meanwhile, stood looking out of the dining room window. Neither one of us spoke while the servants were cleaning. When they finally left the room,


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[Assistant] The boy suddenly faced me and said, Ah, no, it's just the two of us.


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[Assistant] If you don't do anything wrong, I will give you a Christmas present this year.


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[Assistant] We will be opening gifts on Thursday evening. I'd like you to come and join us. But you should stay away from here until then.


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[Assistant] Our relationship has become uncomfortable for me, and I need to be away from you for a few days.


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[Assistant] Just try to relax and remember all of the good things about yourself.


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[Assistant] You are very intelligent, talented, and kind. All of these things will get you very far in life.


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[Assistant] Well, take the time you need, I suppose. But don't come back here until Thursday.


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[Assistant] We're not interested in governing how a player lives their life.


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[Assistant] A player has the maturity and ability to make that decision for himself.


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[Assistant] What we do govern is decisions that affect our game.


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[Assistant] When it affects the league, when it affects our brand, and when it affects our game, we'll be very strict about acting. But outside of that,


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[Assistant] I think a player has the right to determine how he wants to conduct himself.


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[Assistant] The people in the ship will be safe. I wanted to show you where you came from. Can you remember a time before you came to the island? You were only three years old when we arrived.


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[Assistant] That's right. Do you remember how we came here?


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[Assistant] Miranda, 12 years ago we lived in Italy. I was the Duke of Milan. You were a princess and my only child. I had a younger brother named Antonio. I trusted him with everything, so I let him manage the city for me.


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[Assistant] I only wanted to study and improve my mind.


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[Assistant] However, Antonio became so powerful that he soon began to believe that he should be the Duke. He became very proud and dangerous.


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[Assistant] Instead, Antonio took us to a ship. When we were in deep water, he made you and I get into a little wooden boat.


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[Assistant] We had no food and no way to get to Len. Antonio thought we would die there.


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[Assistant] But a kind friend of mine named Gonzalo had secretly helped us.


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[Assistant] We were able to survive until we landed on this island.


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[Assistant] I created this storm because my enemies, Antonio and the King of Naples are on that ship. Now they're going to live on this island too.


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[Assistant] Well, my brave Ariel, have you done what I asked you?


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[Assistant] He's on the island right now. He thinks the king is certainly dead.


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[Assistant] That's my good Ariel, said Prospero. Bring Ferdinand to me. Miranda must meet this young prince. Where are the king and my brother Antonio? They're looking for Ferdinand. They think he drowned though, so they don't have any hope. The truth is that every man on the ship is alive.


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[Assistant] Always remember this, do what I ask and someday I will set you free.


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[Assistant] The Lady Miranda wants to meet you. Come, sir, and follow me.


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[Assistant] That is a human being, just like us, and he is a prince of Naples. He was on the ship.


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[Assistant] He has lost his companions and is trying to find them.


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[Assistant] You're a spy. You've come to take my island away, haven't you? Come with me, I'll tie you up.


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[Assistant] You'll drink seawater and eat only shellfish and bitter nuts.


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[Assistant] You are ridiculous. You think he's the best man in the world. But what do you know about men? Foolish girl. Most men are much better than he is.


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[Assistant] But everything would be alright, if I could only see that beautiful girl again.


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[Assistant] Ferdinand, I have used you for my own purposes, but I will give you the gift of my daughter. I was only testing you. She is above all praise.


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[Assistant] Eat and drink a little. I will tell you the history of my life since landing on this island.


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[Assistant] Thank you, dear master. Let me go with your ship and protect it.


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[Assistant] But then when I am free, how happily I will live.


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[Assistant] Oh no! Yorkshire is the most beautiful place on earth when the sun shines.


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[Assistant] Wait till you see the purple and yellow flowers growing, and smell the young grass. You'll want to stay out on the moor forever, just like Dickon does. Could I ever get there?


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[Assistant] Chapter 9 Behind the Garden Walls


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[Assistant] Mary couldn't imagine a more wonderful place than the secret garden.


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[Assistant] It seemed that the garden's owner had loved roses.


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[Assistant] For the garden was filled with many rose bushes and rose vines.


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[Assistant] They looked brown, dry, and dead, however. So did the grass.


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[Assistant] The rose vines dropped onto the trees like curtains. If this garden were green, how many roses there would be, thought Mary. How still and quiet it is here. The robin was sitting on a tree in the garden. He didn't sing anymore. He only looked at Mary, as if to see what she would do next. Of course it's quiet, whispered Mary to herself.


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[Assistant] I'm the only person who's been in here for 10 years. She began to explore the garden.


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[Assistant] She would have been able to tell whether a plant was dead or not. But she wasn't.


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[Assistant] All she saw were many brown and gray trees, vines, and bushes. They certainly looked dead, but suddenly Mary gave a little cry.


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[Assistant] In one corner of the garden there was a patch of black dirt. In the dirt were tiny green plants. Mary remembered what Ben Weatherstaff had said. She bent down to look at them. Yes, they're tiny green growing things. They might be little flowers, like Ben said. So it isn't a completely dead garden. Even if the poor roses are dead,


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[Assistant] The little plants didn't have room to grow because of the dead grass all around them. The grass seemed to be choking the plants.


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[Assistant] She found a sharp stick and dug up the dead grass until there were clear spaces around a few of the plants. There, now you have some room to breathe in, she said. I'm going to help as many of these plants as I can today.


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[Assistant] Then I'll come back tomorrow and the next day and do more. She said she was very happy with this idea. Mary went from place to place.


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[Assistant] She removed dead grass and weeds from around the little green plants. How happy she was. She soon became very warm and took off her coat. She breathed in the smell of the fresh black soil. She didn't realize that she was smiling as she worked.


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[Assistant] The little plants looked so much better when they didn't have all the dead grass around them. The Robin was watching Mary with great interest.


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[Assistant] He was very pleased to see someone working in his garden at last.


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[Assistant] Mary worked in the garden until it was time for lunch. She had worked for three hours, but the time had passed quickly.


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[Assistant] She spoke to the trees and bushes, as if they might hear her.


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[Assistant] Quickly and quietly, she opened the old door and then closed it. She made sure to hide the door behind the vines. Then she returned to the house. At lunch, Mary ate two plates of food. She was so hungry. Martha was happy. Won't mother be pleased when she finds out? She said. Martha, said Mary, do you know anything about growing flowers?


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[Assistant] Not much, said Martha. But Dickon does.


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[Assistant] Oh, he's got so many flowers planted in his garden. He can make a flower grow out of a brick wall. Mother says he just whispers to things and they grow. Do roots under the ground live a long time?


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[Assistant] Then he would be terribly angry and get a new key made and lock the garden up forever. Well, this is such a big lonely house. I have no one to play with and you and Ben Weatherstaff have to do your work. If I had some little garden tools, I could make a garden if Ben would give me some seeds. Martha said, wow, I'm amazed. Mother said the same thing to me.


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[Assistant] There's so much land in that place, why don't they give her a little land for herself?


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[Assistant] A woman who brings up 12 children learns something besides her letters. How much would some garden tools cost?


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[Assistant] She whispered to herself, I can try to make the secret garden beautiful again. It was a long time before Martha came back because she had duties to do for Mrs. Medlock. When she returned, they sat down and worked on the letter. Martha told Mary what she wanted to say and Mary wrote it. Here is the letter. My dear Dickon, I hope you are well as I am. Will you take this money?


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[Assistant] It is Miss Mary's, and go and buy her some seeds and garden tools. Pick the seeds that are the easiest to grow, but will make pretty flowers.


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[Assistant] Ms. Mary has never garden before because she has lived in India, which is different. Give mother and the others my love. Ms. Mary says she will tell me more stories of India.


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[Assistant] So that when I next return home, you can hear about elephants, camels, and gentlemen hunting lions and tigers. Your loving sister, Martha Phoebe Sowerby. Now we'll put the money


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[Assistant] Oh, I never thought I would meet Dickon, said Mary. I never saw a boy who animals loved.


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[Assistant] She wanted nothing more than to visit the house, which sounded so warm and happy.


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[Assistant] It seemed as if all good and interesting things were happening that day. If I went to your house...


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[Assistant] I would meet your mother as well as Dickon and your brothers and sisters. I would see the moor and the blue sky, said Mary. She was beginning to feel sleepy.


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[Assistant] Oh my dear Lady Beatrice, are you still living?


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[Assistant] Beatrice is a very fine, amusing young lady. She would make a good wife for Benedict.


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[Assistant] Oh no my lord. If those two ever were married, they would kill each other.


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[Assistant] Didn't you tell me the other day that your niece, Beatrice, was in love with Benedict? I never thought that lady would love any man. I didn't think so either, my lord, said Leonardo. Isn't it amazing? She acts as if she doesn't like Benedict. But really, she loves him dearly.


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[Assistant] That she would die of sadness if he didn't return her love.


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[Assistant] But sadly that's impossible. Benedict really doesn't like my niece.


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[Assistant] He thinks that good ladies shouldn't be so impolite.


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[Assistant] If Benedict hears about it, he'll only make fun of poor Beatrice.


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[Assistant] Well, if he does that, then we should hang him.


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[Assistant] She is extremely wise in everything but her love for Benedict.


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[Assistant] Is it possible? Can that lady really love me?


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[Assistant] Yes, it must be true. They were very serious, and Hiro told them it was true. She loves me. Well, I always thought I would die unmarried, but I never thought I'd live to find a wife. They say that Beatrice is wise and beautiful. She is wise in everything, but her love for me.


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[Assistant] She comes. Hmm, she does look like a lady in love.


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[Assistant] If I do not take pity on her, I am a villain. If I do not love her, I am a Jew.


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[Assistant] I am afraid I have some bad news. He told them? Claudio, I have seen your lady hero. Talking to another man in the dark. She is a terrible girl. Come and see.


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[Assistant] If this is true, then I will never speak to Hiro again.


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[Assistant] Yes, and I will tell the whole world what a terrible woman she is.


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[Assistant] Now I am sorry I wanted Claudio to marry Hiro.


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[Assistant] I hope she is dead. My daughter has dishonored me.


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[Assistant] Sir, you must believe me. Your daughter is innocent. She could not do what these men said she did.


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[Assistant] I believe that the Prince and Claudio have made a mistake.


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[Assistant] Here is what you must do. Pretend that hero is dead.


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[Assistant] You must prepare for a funeral and act very sad. Beatrice and Benedict, you must do the same. When Claudio hears of Hiro's death, he will feel sorry for her. Then he will feel terrible that he accused her. Even if he thought Hiro was guilty, he will still believe he caused her death.


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[Assistant] Leonardo, I think the priest is right. Even though Claudio and the prince are my friends, I will not tell them the secret.


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[Assistant] Lady Beatrice, have you cried all this time?


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[Assistant] For it is true that I love no one more than you Beatrice. Isn't that strange?


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[Assistant] Come, I will do anything for you.


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[Assistant] Do you really feel that Claudio has wronged Hiro?


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[Assistant] Then I will fight Claudio for you and Hero. Now I will kiss your hand and leave you. Go and be with your cousin.


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[Assistant] You must pay for what you did to my child. She has died of grief.


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[Assistant] No, do not fight with us, good Leonardo. It is over.


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[Assistant] Alright. Tomorrow you will marry another cousin of Hero's. Now that Hero is dead.


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[Assistant] This lady will be my heir and she is very much like hero.


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[Assistant] I will marry this lady. Even if she is a monster.


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[Assistant] Give me your hand, lady. I am your husband if you will marry me.


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[Assistant] She was dead, good prince, but only while the lies told about her were alive.


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[Assistant] Well, Lady Beatrice, I suppose I will have to marry you.


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[Assistant] If I don't, my friends tell me you will die of grief.


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[Assistant] This law said that fathers could make their daughters marry whom they chose. If a daughter refused to marry the man her father chose for her then the father could have her killed. Of course.


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[Assistant] So this law was rarely followed by the Athenian people. However


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[Assistant] There was one man named Aegeus who did want to obey the law. One day, Aegeus went to see Theseus, the Duke of Athens. Aegeus said that his daughter, Hermia, would not marry Demetrius, a young man from a good family. Hermia loved another Athenian man, named Lysander.


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[Assistant] Aegis told Theseus that he wanted Hermia to die for her disobedience.


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[Assistant] As for Hermia, she felt there was a good reason why she couldn't marry Demetrius. Demetrius was in love with her good friend, Helena. Helena also loved Demetrius. But when Hermia explained this to her father, he did not care.


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[Assistant] I must marry Demetrius in four days or die. She cried.


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[Assistant] Lysander was very upset when he heard the terrible news. However, he soon thought up a plan.


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[Assistant] Lysander told Hermia to meet him that night in a forest near the city.


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[Assistant] The silly Helena decided to tell the whole story to Demetrius.


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[Assistant] Helena knew that when Demetrius discovered Hermia was gone, he would try to find her.


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[Assistant] She wanted to follow Demetrius into the forest. Now this forest was a special one.


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[Assistant] It was the home of those strange creatures called fairies.


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[Assistant] Every night, Oberon and Titania would lead all the fairies in songs, drinking and dancing. Sadly, at this time,


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[Assistant] The king and queen were very angry with each other. All the fairies were very upset.


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[Assistant] It seemed that Titania knew a little human boy, whose mother had been her friend. When the poor woman died, Titania stole the baby from its nurse and took it to live with her.


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[Assistant] Now Oberon wanted the little boy for a servant, but Titania would not give the child to him.


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[Assistant] It was the same night that Hermia and Lysander planned to meet in the woods.


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[Assistant] Titania was walking with some of her maidens in the woods. Suddenly, she met Oberon. He had all his servants with him.


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[Assistant] Said Oberon. Jealous Oberon. Fairies, we are leaving. I am not speaking to him. Said Titania angrily. She turned to leave.


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[Assistant] Your whole fairy kingdom buys not the boy of me, said Titania coldly. She then left.


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[Assistant] He then called for Puck, who was his favorite servant. Puck was known for playing tricks on everyone.


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[Assistant] He was always ready to do what his master Oberon asked.


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[Assistant] Puck loved this idea and was very excited. He ran away to find the flower. While Puck was away.


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[Assistant] Oberon saw Demetrius and Helena enter the forest. The fairy king watched them in secret.


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[Assistant] Oberon saw that Demetrius was angry with Helena for following him. He said many unkind things to her, but Helena did not seem to care.


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[Assistant] She gently reminded Demetrius that he had once loved her.


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[Assistant] Said, Puck proudly, and ran into the forest.


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[Assistant] Then Oberon took the rest of the flowers and went to find Titania. Titania was asleep in her usual place. It was beautiful and peaceful and filled with flowers. All her fairies were away, doing their nighttime work. Oberon quietly walked up to Titania


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[Assistant] And drop some of the magical juice on her eyes.


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[Assistant] Hermia and Lysander had met with each other in another part of the forest.


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[Assistant] They were traveling through the forest in the direction of Lysander's aunt's house. However, they soon became tired, so they laid down to sleep.


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[Assistant] Lysander slept a little distance away from Hermia. Here, Puck found them. He saw Lysander's Athenian clothes, and Hermia sleeping nearby.


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[Assistant] It is not surprising that Puck thought these two were Demetrius and Helena. Quickly.


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[Assistant] He dropped the love juice onto the closed eyes of Lysander. He flew away, saying,


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[Assistant] Some very strange things began to happen. In the middle of the night, Helena walked through the forest. She was looking for Demetrius, who had run away from her. She could not find him, and was feeling quite upset. Suddenly, she saw Lysander sleeping on the ground. Lysander, if you are alive, then awake, she said.


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[Assistant] So when Lysander's eyes opened, Helena was the first person he saw.


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[Assistant] The magical love juice caused him to fall in love with her. He completely forgot about Hermia. Lysander stood up.


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[Assistant] He cried. Helena was extremely angry. She thought Lysander was making fun of her. Why are you pretending to love me? You are Hermia's lover, she said. But Lysander told her he didn't love Hermia, only her. Helena ran away, but Lysander followed her. When Hermia awoke,


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[Assistant] By this time, Oberon knew that Puck had given the love juice to the wrong man.


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[Assistant] Now Oberon put some love juice on Demetrius' eyes, and who was walking by when he awoke, but Helena. Now both men were in love with Helena. Demetrius was about to speak to her when Lysander ran over. The unfortunate Hermia followed behind him.


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[Assistant] Both men began to speak words of love to Helena. Helena did not know what to think. She thought all of them were making fun of her.


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[Assistant] But Hermia was just as surprised as her friend.


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[Assistant] She did not know why Lysander and Demetrius, who had first loved her, now loved only Helena. Hermia didn't think it was very funny. Now the women, who had always been good friends, became angry with each other. Unkind Hermia, said Helena, why are you treating me this way? Before Demetrius would not look at me, only you. He almost hated me.


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[Assistant] Now he calls me a goddess and a jewel. And Lysander is your lover. Why is he sitting at my feet? You told them to make fun of me. We have been friends for many years. How terrible that you would be so cruel. I am amazed at your words, said Hermia. I am not cruel to you. It seems that you are cruel to me.


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[Assistant] Oh, I know you are all laughing at me when my back is turned, shouted Helena. While the women were arguing the men had left them.


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[Assistant] And Puck began to laugh. But Oberon said,


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[Assistant] Oberon wanted to find something silly for her to fall in love with.


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[Assistant] He soon saw a fat silly looking man sleeping nearby. He had become lost in the woods.


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[Assistant] Oberon placed a donkey's head on the sleeping man.


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[Assistant] He said, After a few minutes, the man woke up. He did not see Titania at first, but then she woke up and saw him. Oh, what angel is this? cried Titania. Are you as wise as you are handsome?


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[Assistant] I do not want you to leave, cried Titania. I am the fairy queen, and I love you. Come with me, and I will give you fairy servants. Bottom thought this was a very good idea. Titania then called four of her fairies.


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[Assistant] Their names were Peas Blossom, Cobweb, Moth, and Mustard Seed. Take care of this gentleman. Titania ordered them. Feed him with grapes and apricots and honey from the bees. Now sit with me, my beautiful donkey.


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[Assistant] But he was very interested in the other fairies.


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[Assistant] He asked, Here sir, said Please Bossom.


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[Assistant] My sweet love, said Titania, what would you like to eat? I can have a fairy go and find you some nuts.


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[Assistant] Said Bottom. Now that he had a donkey's head, he wanted donkey's food.


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[Assistant] Oh, how I love you, said Titania. Sleep then, and I will hold you in my arms. Oberon thought this was very funny.


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[Assistant] But he pretended to be upset when he walked by. He scolded Titania for loving a donkey. Then he asked for the little human boy. Titania was very embarrassed that Oberon found her with her new lover. So she gave the boy to him immediately. Now that Oberon had gotten what he wanted, he decided to end the magic.


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[Assistant] Oberon and Titania left him sleeping there peacefully.


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[Assistant] Now that the fairy king and queen were happy again,


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[Assistant] Oberon told Titania all about the adventures of the four lovers.


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[Assistant] She agreed to go with him to spy on the lovers once more. They found the four lovers asleep on the ground.


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[Assistant] Puck had managed to bring them all into the same place to correct his mistake.


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[Assistant] Puck carefully removed the love juice from Lysander's eyes with the juice of the other flower. Hermia woke up first.


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[Assistant] She looked at Lysander wondering how he could be so strange and cruel to her. Soon, Lysander opened his eyes and saw Hermia. Now, of course, he loved Hermia again.


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[Assistant] She listened with delight to Demetrius's words of love.


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[Assistant] She was surprised and happy to see that his words were sincere. Hermia and Helena were now friends again. And all unkind words were forgotten. The four people talked about what they should do now.


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[Assistant] They agreed that Demetrius would tell Hermia's father that he wouldn't marry her. Then Aegeus would let Hermia live. However,


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[Assistant] Just as Demetrius was preparing to return to Athens, they saw Aegeus. He had come into the forest, looking for his daughter.


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[Assistant] He agreed that Lysander and Hermia could marry in three days.


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[Assistant] It would be the same day Hermia was supposed to die.


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[Assistant] Helena also agreed to marry Demetrius on this same day.


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[Assistant] Oberon and Titania were watching the happy people. They decided to celebrate the marriages of the lovers. On the day of the marriages,


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[Assistant] Now, some readers might be upset by this story of fairies and their tricks.


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[Assistant] They might think it is incredible and strange.


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[Assistant] But those readers can just imagine that they have been asleep and dreaming themselves. Perhaps, they dreamed this whole story. But who could be upset?


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[Assistant] By a dream of a pretty, harmless, midsummer night.


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[Assistant] said Amy quietly, hoping her sisters would hear. Why? asked Meg kindly. I need it so much. I am terribly in debt. In debt Amy? What do you mean? asked Meg, looking worried.


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[Assistant] Is it in fashion now to give candies to all your friends?


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[Assistant] How much will pay them off and restore your honor? Asked Meg, taking out her purse. 25 cents would more than do. Well, here's the money. Be careful with spending it.


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[Assistant] The next day Amy was late to school, but after she arrived


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[Assistant] Mr. Davis had declared that candy would not be allowed in his classroom. And later that morning, he was informed that Amy March, one of his favorite students, had candy in her desk.


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[Assistant] Amy went to his desk, hiding her fear.


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[Assistant] And bore several blows on the back of her hands. They were neither many nor heavy, but that made no difference to her.


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[Assistant] For the first time in her life she had been struck.


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[Assistant] And the shame in her eyes was as deep as if he had knocked her down. As if that embarrassing event was not enough.


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[Assistant] Amy was forced to stand in the corner of the room for the next fifteen minutes until their break, but she refused to cry. When the break arrived, Amy went straight home and left the place forever, as she declared to herself. She was in a sad state when she got home, and when the older girls arrived some time later, they were quite angry at what they were told,


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[Assistant] Mrs. March did not say much, but looked disturbed.


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[Assistant] And comforted her little daughter in her most tender manner.


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[Assistant] Which rather disappointed the young lady, who expected nothing but sympathy.


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[Assistant] Professor Aranash, he asked, do you know the depth of the ocean?


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[Assistant] No one knows what had happened to that mysterious boat he built on the island.


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[Assistant] Hello, I'm Gary. I'm from Baby Cube and I would like to read you a story. The Best Yard Sale by Mercer Mayer.


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[Assistant] Mom said, we have too much stuff that we don't use. It is time for a yard sale. We can find lots of stuff to sale. We went to the garage. It was full. I said,


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[Assistant] Let's look in the basement. There's a lot of stuff down there to sell. Then dad and I looked in the attic. Something made a spooky noise. I was brave though because it was just our kitty. Hello kitty, I said.


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[Assistant] Dad and I found lots of great stuff in the attic to sell. Little sister only had one old doll for the yard sale. You'll never make any money that way, I said. I cleaned out my whole closet. Found so many things to sell. Mom said, just pick a few toys.


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[Assistant] We made signs so everybody would come to our yard sale. We put them up everywhere, but it was too windy. The day of the sale finally came. Our yard was full of critters. I ran outside. Wow, dad, I said. Who would want that thing? I think Mrs. Rhino wants it, said dad.


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[Assistant] I'm sorry.


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[Assistant] Hello, I'm Gary. I'm from Baby Cube, and I would like to read you a story.


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[Assistant] The Best Show and Share by Mercer Mayer.


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[Assistant] Next week is show and share, so figure out what to bring, my teacher said. The bell rang. It was time to go home.


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[Assistant] Little sister wanted me to bring her. I can't bring you. You're my sister, I said. So, she said. Never mind, I said and went outside. Maybe I could bring an ant farm. No, ants are too yucky. Maybe I could collect different leaves. No, too much work. I called my friends. Timothy was bringing his tarantula.


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[Assistant] Tiger was bringing his long haired hamster named Thunder Cloud. Henrietta was bringing her dog Fluffy. Gator was bringing his stamp collection. Malcolm was bringing his steak. Bun Bun was bringing her doll collection. I didn't know what to bring. I went to the stream to find some worms for fishing. I was looking around when a big bullfrog hopped out of the stream right into my coffee can for worms.


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[Assistant] After school I showed them and they were amazed. I made a poster all about bullfrogs. I got pictures off the internet.


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[Assistant] The night before show and share, I pasted everything down. Leaping lizard sat in his coffee can watching me. He really liked that can.


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[Assistant] I went to bed so excited about the next day. Morning came and I jumped out of bed, got dressed and ate breakfast.


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[Assistant] All the parents were driving their kids to school that day. I went to get my frog. He was gone. Oh no. I forgot to put the top on his aquarium. I ran to the coffee can. No frog. Mom, I screamed, leaping lizard is missing. We looked everywhere. I was already late for school. Mom said, take your poster to share.


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[Assistant] I'll give you a note for the teacher. I'm sure I will find your frog.


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[Assistant] We went to school. I was so upset. Everyone took turns showing and sharing. When it was my turn, I thought I would be sick. Suddenly, Mom came into the room with the aquarium, the coffee can and my frog. I found him, she said.


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[Assistant] I took my turn. Everyone was amazed. Leaping lizard jumped into the can every time.


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[Assistant] When it was all over, I got the most interesting ribbon.


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[Assistant] Malcolm was mad because he thought his snake should win. Timothy got most scary. Henrietta's dog got most fluffy. Actually, everyone got a ribbon. It was the best show and share ever. The End


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[Assistant] During the nights of the 13th and 14th of March, the Nautilus was again sailing south.


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[Assistant] I guess that after reaching the southern tip of South America,


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[Assistant] The captain would sail to the west into the Pacific Ocean, therefore completing a world tour. He did not return to the Pacific, however, but rather continued going south. Where was he going? To the South Pole?


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[Assistant] I now worried that the captain's great courage would lead us into a terrible situation, as Ned Land had feared. For some time,


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[Assistant] The Canadian had not spoken of his escape plans. Now, he was almost silent.


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[Assistant] His time on the submarine was not an exciting adventure, as he longed to be on land again. When he met the captain,


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[Assistant] I could see anger in his eyes, and feared that he might become violent soon. On the 14th of March, he and Konsei came to speak to me.


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[Assistant] Ned Land asked me. I do not know, my friend, I responded. Certainly at least ten men.


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[Assistant] Well, you need to figure out the total amount of air used by one person. Then find out how much air can be held on board, I explained.


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[Assistant] I estimate then, there could be 625 men on board.


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[Assistant] To breathe in the submarine's air supply in 24 hours.


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[Assistant] That is far too many for three men, whispered Konsei.


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[Assistant] I then realized that Ned had wished to take over the ship, therefore allowing him to return to land.


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[Assistant] We however did not know how many men were on board.


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[Assistant] I understood that the Canadian could not bear living in such a manor much longer, but we still had no way of escaping, as we were rather far from land. The next morning, as we were standing on the platform watching the ocean, we saw a group of whales swimming nearby. This sighting only upset poor Ned, as he remembered his days as a whale catcher, the days when he was free.


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[Assistant] Ned stepped back into the submarine to look for the captain, to tell him of his desire to go whale catching.


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[Assistant] The terrible selfishness of the fishermen will one day take all the lives of the whales. Ned Land said nothing more.


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[Assistant] The Nautilus continued sailing to the south with great speed. Did he wish to reach the south pole?


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[Assistant] I did not think so, as every other expedition before the Nautilus had failed.


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[Assistant] The season was now becoming colder, as the 13th of March in the North corresponds to the 13th of September in the South, including the South Pole. For a number of days, the nautilus remained on the surface of the water.


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[Assistant] And we soon saw large blocks of ice floating by.


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[Assistant] The closer we sailed to the south, the more floating islands of ice we saw. But the Nautilus sailed between the great masses of ice quite easily. On the 15th of March,


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[Assistant] The captain told me that on a nearby piece of land,


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[Assistant] There were once a great number of seals living there.


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[Assistant] But selfish English and American whale catchers had killed all, both young and old.


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[Assistant] Therefore, no life existed in that region any longer. Now there was nothing but silence and death.


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[Assistant] As we sailed closer to the south pole, I noticed more islands of ice in the water, making our path quite difficult.


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[Assistant] I often saw no exit for the submarine.


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[Assistant] But Captain Nemo would then find a new path through the icy water.


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[Assistant] On the 16th of March, however, the ice islands blocked our path.


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[Assistant] This did not frighten the captain, however, as he continued to throw the nautilus at the islands of ice, hoping to escape. On the 18th of March, however, after many attempts at escaping the ice,


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[Assistant] The captain realized the submarine was trapped.


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[Assistant] Further to the south? I asked, looking at the captain.


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[Assistant] I then asked the captain if he had ever traveled to the South Pole with a nautilus before.


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[Assistant] I then understood his plans. If the surface of the sea was frozen


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[Assistant] The lower depths still flow with running water, allowing us to continue our journey.


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[Assistant] Meaning that their depth below the water could be nearly 900 feet.


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[Assistant] I believe we shall, I said eagerly.


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[Assistant] The Nautilus was then moving at 26 miles an hour. If our speed continued, we would be at the South Pole in 40 hours. The next morning, the 19th of March, we were near the South Pole, and sailing towards the surface as well. We were going to the surface at the South Pole! No! We then crashed into the bottom of the iceberg.


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[Assistant] There was now over three thousand feet of ice above us. One thousand above the surface of the water. Several times that day.


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[Assistant] The Nautilus attempted to break the surface, but failed. That night, the situation had not changed. I could not sleep that night.


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[Assistant] Worrying about our frightening situation under the depths of the icy water. At three in the morning


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[Assistant] I awoke to see that the lower surface of the iceberg was only 50 feet deep.


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[Assistant] We were only separated from the surface by 150 feet of ice. That day, at 6 in the morning, the 19th of March,


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[Assistant] Tuesday September 30th. Something really weird just happened.


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[Assistant] I got home from school and my mom was there. She's usually at her studio all day during the week. She had this funny look on her face and then she went, I have to talk to you.


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[Assistant] She wasn't humming anymore and she hadn't cooked anything, so I knew it was serious.


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[Assistant] I was kind of hoping Grandma was dead, but I knew it had to be much worse than that, and I was worried something had happened to Fat Louie, like he'd swallowed another sock.


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[Assistant] The last time he did that, the vet charged us a thousand dollars to remove the sock from the small intestines, and he walked around with a funny look on his face for about a month. That Louie. I mean, not the vet.


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[Assistant] But it turned out it wasn't about my cat, it was about my dad.


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[Assistant] The reason my dad kept on calling was because he wanted to tell us that he just found out because of his cancer that he can't have any more kids. Cancer is a scary thing.


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[Assistant] Fortunately, the kind of cancer my dad had was pretty curable. They just had to cut off the cancerous part.


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[Assistant] And then he had to have chemo. And after a year so far, the cancer hasn't come back. Unfortunately, the part they had to cut off was... ew, I don't even like writing it. His testicle! Gross!


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[Assistant] It turns out that when they cut off one of your testicles and then give you chemo, you have like a really strong chance of becoming sterile, which is what my dad just found out he is. Mom says he's really bummed out.


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[Assistant] She says we have to be very understanding of him right now because men have needs and one of them is to feel progenitively omnipotent. What I don't get is, what's the big deal?


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[Assistant] What does he need more kids for? He already has me. Sure, I only see him summers and at Christmas time, but that's enough, right? I mean, he's pretty busy running Genovia. It's no joke trying to make a whole country, even one that's only a mile long, run smoothly.


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[Assistant] The only other things he has time for besides me are his girlfriends.


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[Assistant] They always drool all over the pools and the stables and the waterfall and the 27 bedrooms and the ballroom and the vineyard and the farm and the airstrip and then he dumps them a week later.


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[Assistant] I didn't know he wanted to marry one of them and have kids. I mean, he never married my mom.


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[Assistant] My mom says that's because at the time she rejected the bourgeois mores of a society that didn't even accept women as equals to men and refused to recognize her rights as an individual. I kind of always thought that maybe my dad just never asked her. Anyway.


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[Assistant] My mom says dad is flying here to New York tomorrow to talk to me about this. I don't know why. I mean, it doesn't have anything to do with me. But when I said to my mom,


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[Assistant] My mom only says, ask your father, when I want to know something she doesn't feel like telling me, like,


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[Assistant] Chapter 19 Lori's Letter


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[Assistant] As she had learned that the best way to manage Joe was not to ask any questions, which would greatly surprise Joe and force her to tell everything. Meg was rather shocked, therefore, when the silence continued. Lori, too, noticed the change in Joe and decided that he would discover the secret. He begged, teased, threatened, and scolded, but she refused to tell.


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[Assistant] He decided that it must concern Meg and Mr. Brooke. Meg, in the meantime, had forgotten the matter and was preparing for her father's return.


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[Assistant] Mrs. March and Joe were busy with their own affairs when Meg cried out, staring at her note with a frightened face. What is the matter? cried her mother, running to her. It's all a mistake.


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[Assistant] He didn't send it. Oh, Joe, how could you? Meg asked. Me? I've done nothing.


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[Assistant] What's she talking about? cried Joe in confession.


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[Assistant] Meg's eyes had a look of anger in them as she threw the note at Joe, saying,


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[Assistant] You wrote it and that bad boy helped you. How could you be so rude to us both? Joe heard little of what she said.


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[Assistant] I can no longer be silent about my love for you.


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[Assistant] I must know if you love me as I do you.


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[Assistant] Now Meg, tell me what happened, said her mother, sitting down next to Meg, refusing to allow Joe to leave.


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[Assistant] I received the first letter from Lori, who didn't look as if he knew anything about it, began Meg.


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[Assistant] I was worried at first and wished to tell you but then remembered how you liked Mr. Brooks.


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[Assistant] So I thought you wouldn't mind if I kept my little secret for a few days.


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[Assistant] I only said I was too young to do anything about it yet, that I didn't wish to have secrets from you and he must speak to Father. I was very grateful for his kindness and would be his friend, but nothing more for a long while. Mrs. March smiled.


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[Assistant] Telling me that he never sent any love letter at all. And is very sorry that my sister Jo played such a terrible joke on us both.


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[Assistant] Tell it to Mother, and keep out of trouble, as I should have done," said Meg.


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[Assistant] Said Mrs. March calmly. Joe went away quickly.


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[Assistant] And Mrs. March gently told Meg Mr. Brooke's real feelings.


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[Assistant] I don't want to have anything to do with lovers for a long while. Perhaps never, answered Meg.


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[Assistant] If John doesn't know anything about this, don't tell him. And make Joe and Lori keep quiet. I feel so shameful. Soon enough, Lori arrived.


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[Assistant] Laurie was standing by their mother with a guilty face, and Joe forgave him instantly. Meg received a sincere apology.


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[Assistant] And was much comforted when told that Brooke knew nothing of the joke.


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[Assistant] He asked with a smile, and Meg could only laugh.


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[Assistant] Everyone else had forgotten the event. Except Meg.


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[Assistant] She never spoke of a certain person, but she thought of him a good deal, dreamed dreams more than ever.


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[Assistant] And once, Joe found a bit of paper with the words, Mrs. John Brooke, and was horrified to see such a thing, immediately throwing the paper in the fire.


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[Assistant] More Friday, algebra. Lily could tell right away something was up.


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[Assistant] Oh, she swallowed the whole story I fed her about Lars.


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[Assistant] Oh, my dad's in town and he's got this driver and, you know. But I couldn't tell her about the princess thing. I mean...


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[Assistant] All I kept thinking about was how disgusted Lily sounded during that part in her oral report when she mentioned how Christian monarchs used to consider themselves appointed agents of divine will and thus were responsible not to the people they governed but to God alone, even though my dad hardly ever even goes to church except when Grandmare makes him.


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[Assistant] Lily believed me about Lars, but she was still all over me with a crying thing. She was like,


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[Assistant] Why are your eyes so red and squinty? You've been crying. Why were you crying? Did something happen? What happened? Did you get another F in something?


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[Assistant] I just shrugged and tried to look out the passenger window at the uninspiring view of the East Village crack houses which we had to drive by to get to the FDR. It's nothing, I said. PMS.


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[Assistant] It is not PMS. You had your period last week. I remember because you borrowed a pad from me after PE and then you ate two whole packs of yodels at lunch. Sometimes I wish Lily's memory weren't so good.


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[Assistant] So spill. Did Louie eat another sock?


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[Assistant] First of all, it was like, totally embarrassing to discuss my menstrual cycle in front of my dad's bodyguard. I mean,


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[Assistant] Lars is kind of a baldwin. He was concentrating really hard on driving though, and I don't know if he could hear us from the front seat, but it was embarrassing just the same.


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[Assistant] It's nothing, I whispered just my dad, you know. Oh, Lily said in her normal voice.


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[Assistant] Lily then went on to describe something she called the Jungian tree of self-actualization.


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[Assistant] She said my dad is way on the bottom branches and he won't be able to reach the top of the thing until he accepts himself as he is and stops obsessing over his inability to sire more offspring.


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[Assistant] I guess that's part of my problem. I'm way at the bottom of the self-factualization tree.


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[Assistant] Like, underneath the roots of it, practically.


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[Assistant] But now that I'm sitting here in algebra, things don't seem so bad, really. I mean, I thought about it all through homeroom, and I finally realized something.


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[Assistant] They can't make me be princess.


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[Assistant] I mean, this is America for crying out loud. Here, you can be anything you want to be. At least, that's what Mrs. Holland was always telling us last year when we studied US history.


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[Assistant] So if I can be whatever I want to be, I cannot be a princess. Nobody can make me be a princess, not even my dad, if I don't want to be one. Right?


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[Assistant] So when I get home tonight, I'll just tell my dad thanks, but no thanks. I'll just be plain old Mia for now. Jeez.


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[Assistant] Mr. Giannini just called me and I totally had no idea what he was talking about because of course I was writing in this book instead of paying attention. My face feels like it's on fire.


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[Assistant] He wants to make it look as if he's treating me the same as everybody else in the class. Well, I'm not the same as everybody else in the class.


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[Assistant] What do I need to know algebra for anyway? They don't use algebra in Greenpeace. And you can bet you don't need it if you're a princess. So, however things turn out, I'm covered. Cool.


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[Assistant] So even if Lily and I weren't in a fight, I wouldn't have been able to sit with her at lunch today. She's become the queen of the calls to live.


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[Assistant] All these people were clustered around the table where Shi and I and Chimika and Lingxu normally eat our dumplings from Big Wong. Boris Pelkowski was sitting where I usually sit.


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[Assistant] Lily must be in heaven. She's always wanted to be worshipped by a musical genius.


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[Assistant] So I was standing there like a total idiot with my stupid tray of stupid salad, which was the only vegetarian entree today since they ran out of cans of Sterno for the bean and grain bar, and I was like, who am I going to sit by?


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[Assistant] There are only about ten tables in our cafe since we have rotating lunch ships. There's the table where I sit with Lily, and then the jock table, the cheerleader table, the rich kid table, the hip hop table, the druggie table,


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[Assistant] The Drama Freak Table, the National Honor Society Table, the Foreign Exchange Students Table, and the table where Tina Hakim Baba sits every day with her bodyguard.


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[Assistant] I'm not into hip hopping or drugs. I didn't get a part in the latest play, and with my F in algebra, the chance of my getting into the National Honor Society is like, nil, and I can't understand anything the foreign exchange students say since there are no French ones. I looked at Tina Hakim Baba.


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[Assistant] She had a salad in front of her, just like me, only Tina eats salad because she has a weight problem, not because she's a vegetarian. She was reading a romance novel.


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[Assistant] It had a photograph on the front of a teenage boy with his arms around a teenage girl.


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[Assistant] I walked over and put my tray down in front of Tina Hakim Baba's. Can I sit here? I asked. Tina looked up from her book. She had an expression of total shock on her face. She looked at me and then she looked at her bodyguard. He was a tall, dark-skinned man in a black suit. He had on sunglasses even though we were inside.


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[Assistant] I think Lars could probably have taken him if it had come down to a fight between the two of them. When Tina looked at her bodyguard, he looked at me.


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[Assistant] At least I think he did. It was hard to tell with those sunglasses. And nodded.


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[Assistant] I felt kind of bad seeing Tina smile like that. Like, maybe I should have asked to sit down with her before. But I used to think she was such a freak because she rode to school in a limo and had a bodyguard. I don't think she's as much of a freak now.


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[Assistant] Tina and I ate our salads and talked about how much school food sucks. She told me about her diet. Her mother put her on it. She wants to lose 20 pounds by the cultural diversity dance.


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[Assistant] I asked Tina if she had a date for the cultural diversity dance or something, and she got all giggly and said, yes, she did.


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[Assistant] She's going with a guy from Trinity, which is another private school in Manhattan. The guy's name is Dave Farooq El Abar. Hello? It isn't.


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[Assistant] God, if Lars ever started shadowing me like that, I'd kill myself. I read the back of her book. The book was called, I think my name is Amanda.


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[Assistant] And it was about a girl who woke up from a coma and couldn't remember who she was. This really cute boy comes to visit her in the hospital and tells her that her name is Amanda and that he's her boyfriend. She spends the rest of the book trying to figure out whether or not he's lying.


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[Assistant] I am so sure, if some cute boy wants to tell you that he's your boyfriend, why wouldn't you just let him? Some girls don't know when they've got it made. While I was reading the back of the book, this shadow fell over it, and I looked up, and there was Lana Weinberger.


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[Assistant] It must have been a game day because she had on her cheerleader uniform a green and white pleated miniskirt and a tight white sweater with a giant A across the front of it.


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[Assistant] I think she stuffs her pom-poms down her bra when she isn't using them, otherwise I don't see how her chest could stick out so much.


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[Assistant] Nice hair Amelia, she said in her snotty voice. Who are you supposed to be, tank girl? I looked past her.


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[Assistant] Josh Richter was standing there with some of his dumb jock friends. They weren't paying any attention to me and Lana.


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[Assistant] They were talking about a party they'd been to over the weekend. They were all wrecked from having consumed too much beer. I wonder if their coach knows.


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[Assistant] What do you call this color, anyway? Lana wanted to know. She touched the top of my head. Puss yellow.


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[Assistant] Tina Hakeem Baba and her bodyguard came back while Lana was standing there tormenting me.


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[Assistant] In addition to her diet soda, Tina had purchased a Nutty Royale ice cream cone which she gave to me. I thought this was very nice of her considering the fact that I'd hardly ever spoken to her before.


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[Assistant] But Lana didn't see the niceness of this gesture. Instead, she asked all innocently,


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[Assistant] Oh, Tina, did you buy that extra ice cream for Amelia here? Did your daddy give you an extra hundred dollars today so you could buy yourself a new friend?


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[Assistant] Tina's dark eyes filled up with hurt. The bodyguard saw this and opened his mouth. Then, a strange thing happened.


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[Assistant] I was sitting there, looking at the tears welling up in Tina Hakeem Baba's eyes, and then the next thing I knew, I'd taken my nutty royale and thrust it with all my might at the front of Latta's sweater.


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[Assistant] Lana looked down at the vanilla ice cream, hard chocolate shell, and peanuts that were sticking to her chest.


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[Assistant] And the other jock stopped talking and looked at Lana's chest too.


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[Assistant] Everyone was looking at the ice cream cone sticking to Lana's chest.


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[Assistant] It was so quiet, I could hear Boris breathing through the wires of his Bionator. Then Lana started to scream, you, you, I guess you couldn't think of a word bad enough to call me, you, you, look what you've


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[Assistant] I stood up and grabbed my tray. Come on, Tina, I said. Let's go somewhere a little bit quieter.


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[Assistant] Tina, her big brown eyes on the sugar cones sticking out of the middle of the A on Lana's chest, picked up her tray and followed me. The bodyguard followed Tina. I could swear he was laughing.


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[Assistant] As Tina and I walked past the table where Lily and I usually sat, I saw Lily staring at me with her mouth open. She had obviously seen the whole thing. Well, I guess she's going to have to change her diagnosis. I am not unassertive. Not when I don't want to be. I'm not sure, but as Tina and her bodyguard and I left, I thought I heard some applause coming from the geek table.


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[Assistant] When Napoleon left Moscow, I never understood why he left. It was quite a stupid decision.


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[Assistant] I have the map. Wait. Yes, here!


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[Assistant] But Uncle, the French lost 2,500 men, and the Russians captured 38 cannon. That's a lot.


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[Assistant] He's playing cards with mama. But uncle, you were still a prisoner. What happened to you when Napoleon left Moscow?


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[Assistant] The history book says the Russians could have destroyed the French army at Berezina when they had to cross the river, but Kutuzov let them slip away.


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[Assistant] And 25 days later, there were only 36,000 left.


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[Assistant] The whole way home from Lily's I worried about what my mom and dad were going to say when I got home. I had never disobeyed them before. I mean, really, never. Well, okay.


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[Assistant] There was that one time Lily and Chimica and Ling-Sue and I went to see that Christian Slater movie, but we ended up going to the Rocky Horror Picture Show instead, and


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[Assistant] I forgot to call until after the movie which ended at like 2.30 in the morning and we were in Times Square and didn't have enough money left among us for a cab. But that was just that one time and I totally learned a lesson from it without my mom having to ground me or anything.


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[Assistant] Not that she would ever do something like that. Ground me. I mean...


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[Assistant] Who would go to the cash machine to get money for takeout if I were grounded? But my dad's another story. He is totally rigid in the discipline department.


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[Assistant] My mom says that's because Clawmare used to punish him when he was a little boy by locking him in this one really scary room in their house. Now that I think about it,


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[Assistant] The house my dad grew up in was probably the castle.


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[Assistant] And that scary room was probably the dungeon. Geez, no wonder my dad does every single thing Clalmer says. Anyway, when my dad gets mad at me, he really gets mad.


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[Assistant] Like the time I wouldn't go to church with Glamour because I refused to pray to a god who would allow rainforests to be destroyed in order to make raising room for cows who would later become quarter-pounders for the ignorant masses who worship that symbol of all that is evil, Ronald McDonald.


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[Assistant] Not only did my dad tell me that if I didn't go to church, he'd wear out my behind,


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[Assistant] He said he wouldn't let me read Michael's webzine Crackhead again.


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[Assistant] He refused to let me go online for the rest of the summer.


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[Assistant] He crushed my modem with a magnum of Chateauneuf de Pape. Talk about reactionary?


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[Assistant] So, I was totally worried about what he was going to do when I got home from Lily's.


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[Assistant] I tried to hang out at the Moskovitz's as long as possible.


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[Assistant] I loaded the breakfast dishes in the dishwasher for Maya, since she was busy writing a letter to her congressman asking him to please do something about her son Manuel, who was wrongfully imprisoned ten years ago for supporting a revolution in their country.


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[Assistant] I walked Pavlov since Michael had to go to an astrophysics lecture at Columbia.


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[Assistant] I even unclogged the jets in the doctor's Moskovitz's jacuzzi. Boy, does Lily's dad shed a lot.


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[Assistant] Then Lily had to go and announce that it was time to shoot the one hour special episode of her show, the one dedicated to her beach.


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[Assistant] Only it turned out that doctors Moskovitz had not left like we thought they had for their rolfing sessions.


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[Assistant] They totally overheard and told me that I had to go home while they analyzed Lily about her need to taunt her sex crazed stalker. Here's the thing.


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[Assistant] I'm generally a very good daughter. I mean it. I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I haven't given birth at any proms, I am completely


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[Assistant] I decided on my way home that if my dad tried to punish me, I was going to call Judge Judy.


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[Assistant] He'd really be sorry if he landed in front of Judge Judy because of this.


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[Assistant] She'd let him have it. Boy, let me tell you, people trying to make other people be princesses when they don't want to be, Judge Judy wouldn't stand for any of it. Of course, when I got home, it turned out I didn't have to call Judge Judy at all.


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[Assistant] My mom hadn't gone to her studio, which she does every Saturday without fail.


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[Assistant] She was sitting there waiting for me to come home, reading old copies of the subscription she got me to Seventeen magazine, before she realized I was too flat-chested to ever be asked out on a date, so all the information provided in that particular periodical was worthless to me.


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[Assistant] Then there was my dad, who was sitting in the exact same spot as he'd been when I'd left the day before, only this time he was reading the Sunday Times, even though it was Saturday.


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[Assistant] And mom and I have this rule that you can't start reading the Sunday sections until Sunday. To my surprise, he wasn't wearing a suit. Today he had on a sweater.


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[Assistant] Kashmir, no doubt given to him by one of his many girlfriends and corduroy pants. When I walked in, he folded the paper all carefully, put it down, and gave me this long, intent look.


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[Assistant] I looked at my mom to see if she'd noticed he'd lost his mind and then she did the craziest thing. She put the magazine down and came over and hugged me and said, we're so sorry baby. Hello? These are my parents?


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[Assistant] Did the body snatchers come while I was gone and replaced my parents with pod people? Because that was the only way I could think of that my parents would be so reasonable. Then my dad goes,


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[Assistant] We understand the stress that this has brought you, Mia, and we want you to know.


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[Assistant] Then my dad asked me if I knew what a compromise was, and I said,


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[Assistant] Yes, of course, I'm not in like, the third grade anymore. So he pulled out this piece of paper,


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[Assistant] And on it we all drafted what my mom calls the Thermopolis-Ronaldo Compromise. It goes like this.


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[Assistant] I, the undersigned, Artur Christoph Philippe Girard Grimaldi Ronaldo,


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[Assistant] Agree that my sole offspring and heir, Emilia Mignonet Clamaldi Thermopolis Ronaldo,


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[Assistant] May finish out her high school tenure at Albert Einstein School for Boys. May co-educational circa 1975.


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[Assistant] Without interruption, save for Christmas and summer breaks which you will spend without complaint in the country of Genovia.


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[Assistant] But unfortunately, it turned out there was more to the agreement.


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[Assistant] The undersigned Amelia Mignolet Grimaldi Thermopoulos-Ronaldo


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[Assistant] Agree to fulfill the duties of heir to Artur Christoph Philippe Girard Grimaldi Ronaldo, Prince of Genovia, and all that such a role entails, including, but not exclusive to, assuming the throne upon the latter's demise and attending functions of state at which the presence of said heir is deemed essential.


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[Assistant] Whatever happened to smashing bottles of champagne against ocean liners and going to Hollywood premieres and that kind of thing?


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[Assistant] Yeah, but, funerals? Balls? I don't even know how to put on lip liner, let alone curtsy. Oh, that's alright, my dad said, putting the cat back


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[Assistant] Well, I don't know what I'm going to do now. I have detention for a week.


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[Assistant] Plus Math Review with Mr. G, plus Princess Lessons with Grammaire.


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[Assistant] I didn't get home until nine o'clock tonight. Something has got to give. My father is furious.


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[Assistant] He says he's going to sue the school. He says no one can give his daughter detention for defending the weak. I told him that Principal Gupta can. She can do anything. She's the principal. I can't say I really blame her.


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[Assistant] I mean, it wasn't like I said I was sorry or anything.


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[Assistant] Is a nice lady, but what could she do? I admitted I had done it.


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[Assistant] She told me I'd have to apologize to Lana and pay to have her sweater clean.


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[Assistant] I said I'd pay for the sweater, but that I wouldn't apologize.


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[Assistant] Principal Gupta looked at me over the rims of her bifocals and went, I beg your pardon, Mayor. I repeated that I wouldn't apologize.


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[Assistant] My heart was beating like crazy. I didn't want to make anybody mad, especially Principal Gupta, who can be very scary when she wants to.


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[Assistant] I tried to picture her and her husband's sweatpants, but it didn't work. She still scared me.


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[Assistant] But I won't apologize to Lana, I won't. Principal Gupta didn't look mad though. She looked concerned.


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[Assistant] I guess that's how educators are supposed to look, you know, concerned about you. She went,


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[Assistant] Mia, I must say when Lada came in here with her complaint, I was extremely surprised. It's usually Lily Moskovitz I have to pull in here.


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[Assistant] I never expected I was going to have to pull you in. Not for disciplinary reasons. Academic reasons, maybe. I understand you aren't doing very well in algebra, but I've never known you to be a discipline problem before. I really feel I must ask you, Mia. Is everything alright? For a minute, I just stared at her. Is everything alright? Is everything alright?


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[Assistant] Hmm, hold on a minute, let me see.


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[Assistant] My mom is going out with my algebra teacher, a subject I'm flunking, by the way. My best friend hates me.


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[Assistant] I'm fourteen years old and I've never been asked out, I don't have any breasts, and oh, I just found out I'm the Princess of Genovia.


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[Assistant] Oh sure, I said to Principal Gupta, everything is fine.


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[Assistant] Are you certain, Mia? Because I can't help wondering if this isn't all rooted in some problems you might be having, maybe at home.


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[Assistant] Who did she think I was anyway, Lana Wineburger?


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[Assistant] Like I was really going to sit there and tell her my problems.


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[Assistant] Yeah, Principal Gupta, on top of all that other stuff, my grandmother is in town and my dad is paying a hundred dollars a day for me to get lessons from her and how to be a princess.


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[Assistant] Oh, and this weekend, I ran into Mr. Giannini in my kitchen and all he was wearing was a pair of boxer shorts. Anything else you want to know?


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[Assistant] Mia, Principal Gupta said, I want you to know that you are a very special person. You have many wonderful qualities.


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[Assistant] There is no reason for you to feel threatened by Lana Weinberger. None at all. Oh. Okay.


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[Assistant] Just because she's the prettiest, most popular girl in my class, and she's going out with the handsomest, most popular boy in school, you're right, Principal Gupta, there is no reason at all to feel threatened by her. Especially since she puts me down every chance she gets and tries to humiliate me in public. Threatened? Me? Nah.


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[Assistant] You know Mia, Principal Gupta said, I bet if you took the time to get to know Lana, you'd find that she's really a very nice girl. A girl just like you.


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[Assistant] I was so upset I actually told Grandma all about it at our vocabulary lesson. She was surprisingly sympathetic.


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[Assistant] When I was a girl your age, Conmer said, there was a girl just like this Lana at my school. Her name was Jean Vievre. She sat behind me in geography.


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[Assistant] Jean Vievre would take the end of my braid and dip it in her inkwell so that when I stood up I got ink all over my dress.


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[Assistant] But the teacher would never believe me that Jean Vievre did it on purpose. Really?


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[Assistant] I was kind of impressed. That Jean Vievre had some guts. I never met anyone who tried to diss my grandmother. What did you do? Romare let out this evil laugh. Oh, nothing.


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[Assistant] There is no way she did nothing to Jean Viev, not with a laugh like that.


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[Assistant] But I guess I shouldn't have pestered Grommare so hard because to shut me up she gave me a quiz. I'm not kidding.


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[Assistant] What does one do with one's napkin when one rises to go to the powder room? If it's a four-star restaurant, hand to the waiter who rushes over to help you with your chair.


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[Assistant] If it's a normal place and no waiter rushes over, leave your napkin on your empty chair.


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[Assistant] Private ownership of the means of production and distribution and the exchange of goods based on the operations of the market.


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[Assistant] The value of any commodity is determined


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[Assistant] One third brandy shaken well with ice, strained before serving.


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[Assistant] The only one I missed was the one about what to say to a man when he tells you he loves you. It turns out you aren't supposed to say thank you. Not of course that this will ever happen to me. The grand maire says I might be surprised someday. I wish.


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[Assistant] Monday, October 6th, 4am.


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[Assistant] I tried washing the quadratic formula off my shoe, but it won't come off. I must have used indelible ink or something. What if my dad finds out? Do they still behead people in Genovia?


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[Assistant] Lily does think the reason I'm not participating in the taping today is because I'm against her boycott of the hose.


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[Assistant] I told her that wasn't true, that I had to spend the day with my grandmother. But guess what? She doesn't believe me.


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[Assistant] The only time I tell the truth and she doesn't believe me.


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[Assistant] Lily says that if I really wanted to get out of spending the day with Grandmare, I could. But because I'm so codependent, I can't say no to anyone.


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[Assistant] Which doesn't even make sense, since obviously I am saying no to her. When I pointed that out to Lily though, she just got madder.


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[Assistant] I can't say no to my grandmother since she's like 65 years old and she's going to die soon, if there's any justice at all in the world. Besides...