I don't know what is bittergourd all something <tamil>பச்சை:pachai</tamil> lah something bitter ya so you took about one hour to eat


really, at the end of the day you are still late lah


as usual, I what do you think I eat, that's right of course <tamil>நான் சாப்பிடுறது எல்லாம்:naan sappidurathu ellaam</tamil> not happening nowadays lah now eating like a <tamil>பண்ணி:panni</tamil> lah just skip


I mean NS lah how to say not hungry already the food is like, like they say three meals a day but the three meals is not even worth my one meal is that disgusting what to do what to do


no it's not so how about you twenty years of your life you've been eating and eating and eating and can finish that whole Biryani <tamil>பானை:paanai</tamil> yourself that's the only one time I need


I mean you're very tall okay maybe you should just sign on to NS lah can experience a two years of you know err god's grace giving you poor food for eating so good food all these while


well maybe I don't know they sponsored her some err scholarship to pursue her studies


probably lah <tamil>காசு பணம்:kaasu panam</tamil> , ya lah maybe maybe they sponsor her studies further studies so like <tamil>போவா படிப்பா அதோட படிச்சு முடிச்சோடனே:povaa padipaa athoda padichu mudichodane</tamil> then she'll continue


going back to NS lah most likely I'm pretty sure there's a bond involved lah two years or five years I don't know, eh what's your opinion <tamil>நீ போவியா இல்லையா:ni poviyaa ilaiyaa</tamil> NS


but then again may, nineteen years <tamil>ஒண்ணுத்தையும் அப்படி பண்ணாதே இல்லை:onnuthaiyum pannathe illai</tamil> so just extra two years wasted what so <tamil>போ:po</tamil> lah


!huh!, no I've no idea [orh] okay


I remember is the one where you know


err Mugen will come like err <tamil>எனக்கு என்:enakku en</tamil> career <tamil>தான் முக்கியம் அதுக்கு அப்புறம் தான் நீ:thaan mukkiyam athukku appuram thaan</tamil> and then then she'll get very affected yes


ya ya he said both <tamil>முக்கியம்:mukkiyam</tamil> but then she wanted to be the priority and like she wanted him to have a better career because she felt that, music isn't a good career like, ya what do you think ah <tamil>உன்டெ கேட்கமா வேற யார்டே கேட்க பக்கத்தில் இருக்கிறவன் கிட்ட கேட்கையா முடியும்:unttae kaetkamaa vera yaarttae kaetka pakkathil irukiravan kitta kaetkaiyaa mudiyum</tamil> oh <tamil>அப்படியா நம்மாவோட:appadiyaa nammavoda</tamil> room <tamil>லே உட்கார்ந்திருக்கும் காடு இல்லை காடு வெளியே இருக்கு:illae utkaarnthirukkum kaadu illai kaadu veliye irukku</tamil>


no ah what do you think about pursuing music as a career like <tamil>வாழ்க்கையில:vaalkaiyila</tamil> like as a job


very good point I will take it


ya risky lah of course like you know, there will be a point where you reach your peak and then after your peak you are gone you know like, ya


, business ah ya lah I mean I applied for it I also got it, but I don't know what I'm gonna do with it you know, it's not really lose interest per se


like okay business course <tamil>எடுக்கிறேன் வைச்சுக்கோ:edukiren vaichukko</tamil> then I take, what kind of jobs will I have like example if I go engineering right


it's more specific in a sense, like mechanical engineering <tamil>எடுத்தா:eduthaa</tamil> then you just go to mechanical engineer industry what, but then if I take business the good thing and bad thing is it's very broad, so it <tamil>நம்மளுக்கு தான்:nammalukku thaan</tamil> decide <tamil>பண்ண வராது அதனால தான்:panna varaathu athanaala thaan</tamil> business <tamil>போனோம்:ponom</tamil> business <tamil>போய்:poi</tamil> then <tamil>அதுக்கு அப்புறம் எங்க போக:athukku appuram enga poka</tamil> still I won't know so it's a


risky thing lah, but then I don't know I'll see how it goes , I don't know if I wanna <tamil>மாற்றான்:maatraan</tamil> the course or stick to it I have to think about it lah maybe like


see if anything interest me lah


no it's like you know like, okay <tamil>நீ ஒரு பாட்டு போட்டிக்கு போனேனா:ni oru paattu potikku ponenaa</tamil> the judge will not tell you you're trash they'll tell you you did this this this well but you can do this this this better


to make sure they don't feel very bad you say good things about them then you put the big thrash in between and then you say the good things about them in the end to make it seem like it's err not so bad thing


ya what about simon, simon <tamil>போச்சு:pochu</tamil> ah for which show (uh huh) ya ya ya [orh] simon ya ya I know I know


self esteem not ego dumbass


change is the only constant


hold up, what course you don't know what course you doing, so what are you doing and might that be


oh, I mean


it's not a bad course maybe, but <tamil>உனக்கு வருமா இல்லையா:unakku varumaa illaiyaa</tamil> that's another question lah GPA all five point zero right a not


SU all the modules


ah okay


okay


ya but that's pretty cool leh especially if <tamil>ரொம்ப கேவலமான:romba kaevalaamaana</tamil> modules <tamil>இருந்தா:irunthaa</tamil> like anatomy then you just pass fail that and you can just hope to pass but if you fail what happens


that sucks, it's pretty good


eh I don't know how I'm gonna do university leh like you know <tamil>என்னோட:ennoda</tamil> brain cells <tamil>எல்லாம்:ellaam</tamil> secondary school <tamil>பாதி காணாம போயிட்டு அதோட:paathi kaanaam poittu athoda</tamil> JC <tamil>போயிரோட இன்னும் பாதி காணாம போயிட்டு:poyiroda innum paathi kaanaam poyitu</tamil> so I don't think I have any right now yeah


brain cells !hey! !hey! !hey! that's that's very nice of you sweetie, thank you ya ya ya so I don't know I very scared sia go university don't know what I'm going to do so, but then okay lah the only good thing is I wanna go hall and enjoy life


ya, of course you can just come and stay no I'm not letting you stay I will kick thrash out, err


you love sports what kind of sports do you play


no softball and cricket is not the same thing dumbass


ya <tamil>கேட்டா:kaetaa</tamil> play maker lah someone, !wow!


okay that's that sounds like a Subu that's who I know


ya, supposedly today night but should be today night because you know what, few more days right then I can change camp already very good I'm very happy


[orh] so like, then I had a one week break so <tamil>சும்மா:summaa</tamil> relax <tamil>பண்ணிட்டு:pannittu</tamil> then after that it's a


so called nine months sergeant course lah usually <tamil>எல்லாருக்கும் வந்து:ellaarukkum vanthu</tamil> six months <tamil>தான் ஆனா என்னோட வந்து:thaan aanaa ennoda vanthu</tamil> become a supply sergeant so supply specifications so <tamil>அப்படினா:appadinaa</tamil> like err handle all the stores and all that so for supply specifications transport maintenance and


and more in the four <tamil>க்கு மட்டும்:kku mattum</tamil> special lah I think it's a nine month course three months longer than the other normal specifications course


Sembawang camp so learning all the store stuff all the procedures and <tamil>என்ன செய்யணும் எப்படி செய்யணும்:enna seyyanum eppadi seyyanum</tamil> then we had like, test all that lah felt like school lah it is a you know a specifications school for like a silent course you see so <tamil>அது முடிச்சோடேன்:athu mudichodane</tamil> then I was posted to


my current #sungei gedong# camp <tamil>அங்க ஒரு நாலு மாசம் குப்பை கொட்டினேன் குப்பை கொடிட்டு இருக்கிறேன்:anga oru naalu maasam kuppai kottinen kottitu irukiren</tamil> so it's like something it's called on job experience so is is the same as intern outside lah


then now I do his job lah with a normal recruit pay although I'm supposed to become a sergeant anytime now, and then in next week I'll go Kranji camp so <tamil>அங்க இன்னொரு ஒரு:ango innoru oru</tamil> two months


ya, I already do technically but like not really because I don't know I don't really have my rank also so it's like I just do it together with them I mean I would still do together with them lah we don't really play rank in our unit we just just everyone do everything together lah fast game


epic,


but <tamil>பாப்போம்:paarpom</tamil> lah what to do it's like a human instincts thing <tamil>பார்த்து தான் அவனும்:paarthu thaan avanum</tamil> you know like you have to know what you're going to expect


eh speaking of which <tamil>உனக்கு எந்த:unakku entha</tamil> Netflix show <tamil>ரொம்ப ரொம்ப பிடிக்கும்:romba romba pidikum</tamil> like your all time favourite


teen wolf why teen wolf, ya ya I can tell from the title teen wolf so teen and a wolf or maybe a teen wolf, but the order is also something like teen wolf right


ya,


two what face shield ah !wow! <tamil>எனக்கு நீ என்ன சொல்ற உண்மையிலே சத்தியமா புரியில்லே:enakku ni enna solra unmayile sathiyamaa puriyillae</tamil> but it's okay it's okay it's okay


I actually had no idea until now but damn pretty cool pretty cool, err I have I have I don't know when but I have because I have rode like other things like uh


like elephant I think ah ya


I have never rode a camel that's so cool like two humps just dump and jump


ya, that's why all you need is <tamil>அழகான கண்கள்:alakaana kankal</tamil> and can already


the movies <tamil>இல்லயே இருக்கிற:illaye irukkira</tamil> just stop it I say like stop it you, what hello !aww! so sad


okay lah I very tired sia, why is you so tired what did you do today err I went for driving obviously


then I was like err


I was just looking first okay, the worst part was my instructor wasn't even there so like we had to go the waiting zone then like <tamil>ஒரு நூறு காடி இருக்கும்:oru nooru kaadi irukkum</tamil> then on top of all the car they got like numbers lah and then on my number was fifty so <tamil>நானும் தெரு தெருவா போற மாதிரி நடந்துகிட்டே போனேன்:naanum theru theruvaa pora maathiir nadanthukitte ponen</tamil> but cannot find the number fifty then I was panicking then they were like


on my phone they put err like location alphabets lah like G H so mine was G, so I went to the areas zone G I saw then I was looking around still cannot find the car then I was like !alamak! wait five minutes going to be ten minutes already then I saw the guy come then I was like okay lah before car already make me nervous I thought nobody then I was so paranoid


I look at the date I was like <tamil>இணைக்கு தானே இத்தனை மணி:inaikku thane ithanai mani</tamil> lesson <tamil>தானே:thane</tamil> then I was like okay lah correct lah, after that went in is a malay dude


ya ya I don't know how lah <tamil>அவங்க எல்லாம்:avanga ellaam</tamil> every lesson <tamil>சொன்னதே சொல்லிட்டு இருப்பாங்க:sonnathe sollittu irupaanga</tamil> very boring like I cannot have that kind of lifestyle lah like err I need like a job where everyday do something different like not difficult things in but like <tamil>கொஞ்சம் வித்தியாசம் ஆனது:koncham vittiyaasam aanathu</tamil> not the same mundane schedule


I listen listen listen <tamil>முடிச்சோடனே:mudichodane</tamil> then


there's three things you can press right clutch accelerator and brake, then uh I always press the wrong one leh at times because like nervous right first time going in some more, so there was once err I think was press the brake


very fast then I I slammed the brake after that <tamil>அது வேற காடி டபா டபான்னு:athu ver kaadi daba dabannu</tamil> stop <tamil>பண்ணிச்சு:pannichu</tamil> I was like shit I looked at him he was like it's okay it's okay it's your first time lucky lah he was quite nice


then what I did lah <tamil>ஒரு வாட்டி சீக்கிரமா விட்டேன்:oru vaati sikkiramaa viten</tamil> then the whole car just started vibrating then I was like shit then I look at him I was like what do I do then he was like just press the clutch again ah then I was lor [orh] then after that I was like what do what just happen ah then he was like this is why you don't release the clutch so fast then I was like okay okay


so today we like learn how to like move off and stop I guess the car lah, other than that the basic like turning


and also I went there very unprepared today <tamil>ஒண்ணுத்தையும் படிக்காம என்ன பன்னன்னு தெரியாமலே போனேன்:onnuthaiyum padikkaama enna pannanu theriyaalamalae ponen</tamil> so like uh when he tell me all those things right I <tamil>என்:en</tamil> mind <tamil>இல்லே:illae</tamil> register <tamil>பண்ணலே:pannalae</tamil> so everytime I will be like err so what do I do next after the <tamil>அடுத்தது என்ன செய்யணும்:aduthathu enna seyyanum</tamil> err err <tamil>கொஞ்சம் அப்படியே:koncham appadiye</tamil> blur blur one leh


of course <tamil>என்ன மாதிரி அம்சமான பிள்ளைகளே:enna maathiri amsamaana pillaikale</tamil> so he was telling me lah how like err stage one


err <tamil>அறுவது வெள்ளிக்கு ஒரு:aruvathu vellikku oru</tamil> dinner <tamil>சாப்பிட்டு வந்தான்:sappittu vanthaan</tamil> on sunday then I was like oh and then I was like <tamil>அதனால:athanala</tamil> okay okay but ya very expensive lah the food here


I I got ask you why you fat before meh, no I tell you that your mask looks cute only yes


super oh super


I mean ya you can definitely steal from me <tamil>அதான் எனக்கு மூன்று மாசத்துக்கு:athaan enakku moondru maasathukku</tamil> NS give me and they are so much better than everything I have had


of course, thank you thank you thank you


what is school, home based learning or, as per normal <tamil>நீ எல்லாம்:ni ellaam</tamil> one hour school <tamil>க்கு போவ ஆனா மிச்ச ஐந்து மணிநேரம் ஆறு மணிநேரம்:kku pova aanaa micha ainthu manineram aaru manineram</tamil> fool around <tamil>பண்ணுவ விளையாடுவே:pannuva vilayaaduvae</tamil> everything but studying lah


very nice


eh you know some people it's actually true like they need constant validation like, praises and compliment


of course,


okay, [orh] I will paint what I like because my room what my room my wish lah <tamil>உனக்கு பிடிக்கலைன்னா அது:unakku pidikkalannaa athu</tamil> your problem


, oh ya you were gonna tell me something right I thought you were like err planning some surprise for your boyfriend or something like that all the excitement the face all turning blushy blushy !aiyo! <tamil>பார்க்க முடியலே:paarkka mudiyalae</tamil> lah


of course well aware you are a very very independent person right, I never say you were wrong, how do you even last in a long distance relationship


no <tamil>நீ என்ன சொல்றேன்னு உனக்கே புரியாது நினைக்கிறேன் கஷ்ட படாதே:ni enna solrennu unakku puriyaathu ninaikiren kashta padaathe</tamil> it's like the the the the one, okay the the your soul mate ah


of course, what about me


of course single mingling with like about six seven people right now lah


oh, ya nowadays very busy lah NS <tamil>இல்லேனா தினந்தோறும் வெளியே போலாம் ஆனா காசும் இல்லை:illenaa thinanthorum veliya polaam aanaa kaasum illai</tamil> so <tamil>வெளியே போக முடியாது:veliye poka mudiyaathu</tamil> so like it's good to save


Achu <tamil>பாவம்:paavam</tamil>


you were hyperventilating or she was hyperventilating, why


, no no physical abuse is bad for the human society of the health of the nation


!oops! that's you


so what are the fun things that you wanted to do, ya


my friend wanted me to go henderson wave but then I was lazy lah eh how was how was the place


I thought I see your post all that right I could I thought is just some like hiking spot I can I don't know it didn't look like henderson waves at all


ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha


you see ah in life right there is no point having an ideal type because you're not going to get your ideal type so why make your imagination go wild for no reason


eh that's a very very much easier question I'm such a negative person shit


of course


I'm too tired to think of it actually as usual I'm tired lah


the more tired you are, because


it's a thing lah <tamil>நீ ரொம்ப நேரம் தூங்கினா:ni romba naeram thunginaa</tamil> like your body you will get use to a certain body clock timing so you sleep at this time you wake up at this time if you sleep earlier and or you sleep longer than your you usually sleep, that extra sleep will make you more tired for some weird reason it's just science okay not really sciences it's just my explanation for it


ah, sometimes I sleep two hours <tamil>இரண்டு மணிநேரம் போதும்:irandu manineram pothum</tamil> sometimes five hours <tamil>தூங்கினாலும் தூக்கம் வரும்:thunginaalum thukkam varum</tamil> what to do


of course, but I actually enjoy this situation like relaxed free, a lot of time, ya that's true ah where did


know what, usually I think you are more curious as to what I like in a girl not what I don't know like I actually probably can


ya, of course


ah ah


ya lah sometime like you know <tamil>ஒரே ஒரு மீனு தான் பார்க்க நல்லா இருக்கும்:ore oru meenu thaan paarkka nalla irukkum</tamil> taste <tamil>பண்ண நல்லா இருக்கும்:panna nallaa irukkum</tamil> all that like normal food <tamil>பத்தி பேசுறேன்:pathi pesuren</tamil> same thing you know


ya ya at at at one point many fish will suit me also oh oh sorry sorry


not very protective but, I think we're on the same level of clinginess and protective, of course lah I mean


what can a girl be protective of towards a guy there's nothing much to be protective of ya


very very bold ya of course


first impression of you, I remember in the library you were sitting down studying acting really hardworking when you are actually really dumb and stupid and you don't even try to study


the next impression ah the next impression was at err, we went to eat at Eighteen Chefs right Subway no it was Eighteen Chefs, eh <tamil>ஆமாம் ஆமாம் இது:aamaam aamaam ithu</tamil> Subway <tamil>நான் சாப்பிடலை நீ சாப்பிட்ட நான் ஒரே ஒரு:naan saapidilai ni sapitta naan ore oru</tamil> cookie <tamil>சாப்பிட்டேன் ஒரு:sappiten oru</tamil> cookie yes then you were like


you did you did I think you did actually it's true lah I also would feel very awkward


now ah current impression is


so what's your plans for today


the october ten ten sale ah, west


ya ya <tamil>அந்த மாதிரினா நான் போ மாட்டேன் பொதுவா:antha maathirinaa naan po maten pothuvaa</tamil> normal days lah IMM <tamil>இல்லே:illae</tamil> pool top <tamil>அப்படியே குமிஞ்சு நிக்கும்:appadiye kuminchu nikkum</tamil> that time I went with my friend, then we saw the Nike queue <tamil>பொண்ண:ponna</tamil> long like it was very long


and the queue was like we were reaching, we were reaching the start and we got first place just saying


after that no the best part is we went in, two minutes later we came out, because there was nothing there


next week my cousin wedding


ya usually yes, my dad was like eh cousin wedding <tamil>வாங்கு:vaangu</tamil> [dah] then I was like !aiya! <tamil>ஒரு:oru</tamil> few hours K no need lah <tamil>தேவை இல்லை:thevai illai</tamil> lah


ya ah formal lah shirt


that was the one time I wore traditional, actually I look better in traditional


saturday sunday friday night <tamil>ஆனா:aana</tamil> after next week <tamil>தெரிலே:therilae</tamil> lah friday <tamil>எத்தனை மணி:etthanai mani</tamil> book out <tamil>பண்ணுவேன்னு:pannuvennu</tamil> sunday <tamil>எத்தனை மணிக்கு:ethanai manikku</tamil> book in <tamil>பண்ணனும்:pannanum</tamil> two months <tamil>தான்:thaan</tamil> lah will be fast lah no need to worry, ya because I like !wah! so long never see my friends you know like okay lah got the excitement lah


so ya, then okay lah means not that bad


but then I I realise something <tamil>எதுக்கும் ரொம்ப:ethukkum romba</tamil> excited ah <tamil>இருக்க கூடாது லே சந்தோஷம் பட கூடாது இல்லேனா புடிக்கும் கேவலமா:irukka kudaathu illa santhosham pada kudaathu illaenaa pudikkum kevalamaa</tamil> moral of life


that's what my dad days he is like don't don't don't look forward way too much because awlays hope gets crushed


ya, exactly that's why that's me right now, numb hopeless I'm just kidding


ya ya <tamil>அதுவும்:athuvum</tamil> fact


ya ya


okay lah I mean the drinks at NS also <tamil>ரொம்ப நல்லா இருக்கும:romba nallaa irukkum</tamil> , ha ha ha ha ha ha, err


Teh ah my friends <tamil>சொன்னா ஒரு புது:sonnaa oru puthu</tamil> cookhouse <tamil>ஒன்னு திறந்திருக்காங்க ஏனா அந்த பழைய பழசு:onnu thiranthirukkaangae antha palaya palasu</tamil> they renovating so I was like okay there say it's better food a bit then I was like hope for the best lah


I also trying I might try to bulk up I mean not bulk up like improve my stupid fitness to get like PT vest or whatever nonsense, serious he is ah


so I was like when he used to be fair he's still fair not saying he's not fat now but like he's the more muscular kind of fat you know what I mean like I think you do long arms so he's like, facts or like kind of become muscular ease, so you just going I'm good but then the vane or blade updated pregnant wonder whether ya they they they


alright thank you, so back to my question what are you doing what dinner, then I'm not even sure mah I remember there are present in september was, particle masculinity clinic that on that art three operating it them, read lah must submit to the lah in levels up three are eloquent them yet again


I think ah will cook sweating, I think because I'm twenty I'm sure like there was like a bunch of food at home I don't like you which is dinner was decline, okay good article place are graded Zou Liao, gay bar


okay so is actually in which year eh you nak get married eh


oh so this one is actually like or you tend to move to your home first right after your wedding [kan]


true, but again I think, err you also have to think this if you are staying like in one year's time then you need to find a a bilik or a room yang like you actually both are more comfortable to stay with lah correct or not


okay okay lah then I think kita we have to take a look part by part lah [kan] like for example K now a wedding will come first before the house right so and so basically is between like err in six months time can you get the new flat is that correct


ya that one agree but I think HDB give you like certain allowance right like a number of you have to complete the basic renovation is that correct


oh ya lah that one I think normal lah since my time many years ago also same also lah the thing ya so I think uh ya your dad perspective or opinion I think, quite correct it's just that I think at least if active for HDB lor at least the basic must be there like for example flooring and then like painting but I think for every house the most important thing is the flooring and the kitchen cabinet at least lah


oh because I think you have to that is because that's the one I think make most not


ya I think we we, if the business already there then okay there's a plus point so I think at least the renovation will be on the kitchen so if you ask me the kitchen you need [kan] macam like, do the edit the the first bottom and then the top right you need to do first that will be cheaper


that's one suggestion, ya I think that will be cheaper, yes it is


for the wedding right, I think I think in this case ah I think your situation is very similar like mine so I think you have to prioritise things like ah


which one you want to cut down ah on the on on itself like it's like flat versus wedding so if let's say uh if you ask me then of course I will choose the flat lah because apparently like macam flat kita nak tinggal sepanjang hayat !chey! sepanjang hayat ah


okay so basically like for wedding like ya is once in a life time but, like I say uh the the most important thing is the the the nikah itself only so other the miscellaneous take photos okay that's another to me is, more fundamental lah but in terms of guest if let's say the other party agreed maybe cut down to two hundred fifty even


let's say a super ya Gemod lah Gemod is like very stingy like that so basically like that we just like, invite two fifty then maybe like you know uh his side ah, hundred fifty ya [seh] hundred so that super budget kind of thing ya it can be done


like like for example I think, ya like I say like both have to compromise lah it's like, family support have to come in so that's why that day you all kena macam plan budget like how much like per per side can contribute with their family already inside the picture lah that one have to be very like


very like uh transparent but in the event if let's say both side macam let's say for example your parents either deal with their own ideology or plan of their wedding then, you ada your own plan of your uh I mean his side ada dia punya own plan of ideology then I think the only thing you have to fikir or think about is


like okay in that case we do separate lah that is another alternative ah other alternative then your side then ah then he has to like make a figurative speech or what figurative speech oh !wah! like super english like that, K so basically like you he has to tell frankly to his side like you


parents like okay maybe I can only afford to pay for how many guest then the rest you can absorb tak so that is another another way lah [kan] macam kita nak try to put everything in hand lah, so wedding time at least your side macam okay then for your side uh you and your family then like for use okay I can only pay for hundred guests then if your father say okay another hundred guests I can top up your father say like that then is if sometimes


you may say that having a separate cost more but you will depend on the individual side of budget eh sometimes kita kena fikir that in terms of, the pros are I know now the trend is all combined but provided if let's say all agreed and transparent on board the costings and expenditure


this is something sensitive in even in our culture in kita punya kul~ err orang melayu kita macam sensitive ah about duit ni so I think you all have to, considered in the air because like right now both families belum sit down and really get to know each other you know even like for me and my brother


about duit pun kita adik-beradik masih sensitive tak boleh macam eh just bang aku mau pinjam duit kau lah satu ribu macam suka suka [jer] nak minta [kan] abang you know I have to be like more tactful to us


like in this case lagi the other party yang your parents belum kenal [kan] and then the breedlove assumption the so I think, uh bottom line you both must tell, err got two choice if want to combine then, then err you and Hairin you he tell his family how much he can afford you tell how much you can afford


then how much your both parents can fork out together so if let's say you [dah] sample among all again okay lah kita work combine then okay celebrate buat combine tapi if let's say oh, ah you know lah I still want my one thousand guest let's say Hairin punya side then


your mother say okay tak apa lah based on your budget kita invite saudara mara dekat [jer] one hundred okay then you do separately because let's say his mother say okay then I will pay for that, extra guest whereas for his uh no need then you leh you just you just invite lah whoever that is important between your list


because there are two factors you need to think first kita tak nak mengecewakan hati siapa siapa pihak because you all just become a new family member second, err then is like you all


you know last time you are fortunate you actually know that you gonna have six months down the road after the wedding that you have a flat you know how my time I got my flat is so like you know like how to say ah, like macam err


think that time really I think I could engage in january finally, july I got a flat, you know then tak tahu macam mana tahu bought flat then because ah because atuk said better I


then like that everything all my plan with your uncle semua macam [dah] haywire all I received only flat


then after that I think at that time, I I'm quite fortunate like I have support or family so like macam ah my father know that he will pay off my wedding expenses whereas for I will just focus, makanan tapi [kan] shamefully I have to admit even I [dah] work that time [kan] I tak boleh afford tau because I just start my work then


and I'm about to save so like macam even like you know the bridal like you all have all these ah then I think I can only afford the photos begitu that's all with with my husband then I think my husband that time even hantaran nak exchange ah, I think quite I I would say I like macam drag it lah but I think about it because in the end like we don't really can afford even for exchange of hantaran I think in the end


we buy some things on our side, then suddenly when the time come the exchange is not there so it's like


so I buy solely whatever I can afford that's all lah ya correct


I think if I were you I will actually create an excel spreadsheet the reason is because I I will actually pros and cons if let's say I have I have this budget okay what I know if combine I I pick let's say shortlist two place on it


then okay shortlist already know what they have you don't have the push ah you no need to type ah you just put what are the key things that are there okay how many dishes ah food ah food dishes, uh the AV equipment that include all the err the kompang and everything I think some weddings some packages inclusive some are not so kita kena tengok macam mana lah [kan] so is like


you will you will see like ah how much it is can I find the similarities you have another, uh tab that we're actually for separate cost then you see the cheapest of all including the decoration the ball hall everything like per head like how much then how many dishes there from there on okay let's say vehicle K you must think of eh


relative will still to will be okay to like macam pinjamkan kereta you know so when if you not


uh certain relative got this MPV car whatever they say eh I Chope your car dulu for the coming wedding can or not just ask lah


you know or maybe like dekat dekat wedding tu you ask because, uh dulu I in this case usually lah people will still be alright to loan for wedding car then you just like, uh we're not that chinese must be like Mercedes-Benz or Jaguar lah [pe] [seh] joke ah I'm not racist tau but I'm talking about culturally we no need to be like so branded indicative kind of of stereotyping that kind of thing lah so it was just like kita like just focus


uh what we collect like okay let's say if car put there possible free you know okay is to make it compatibility the same as like you are in a in the same central place lah then after that uh if plus decoration you see how much is some I think per head come with decoration simple simple decoration


uh then after that from there you see we which is much better so at least when it comes when they're both families sit down, okay because you will have to target by maybe end of this year


so basically you can agak agak already estimated amount that you can reach between end of twenty next year is what twenty twenty one ah, ah so then from there oh then you all like oh okay lah then can start working I know you your what you're getting married twenty twenty two


ah so if let's say cannot fit maybe we aim january twenty twenty three that's the worst worst timeline lah so that even though you got five months uh to your new place but actually you will actually, like you have the time to what we call you know already you have some surplus cash ready that for you to prepare the basic


okay let's say Khatib uh when you move in or maybe you need to check first because we already have the basics right so you just make sure that you have like simple lightings for some places only or you can actually have the, like uh the cabinet or whatever because I believe uh HDB you got to check that one lah renovation too so you get the minimal


you can even ask HDB err K what's the minimum renovation I should do within that timeline because what happens if I don't have the amount to have a full renovation you can ask them all these so that at least, like I'm pretty sure you are not the only owner like this lah there's a lot of new couple that are buying flat also what


so basically is like that ah so that is one area that you actually can, can save on it lah that is one part of it ya so ya lah so I think you you you can, take I mean seriously you wedding's already a big headache if you ask me seriously big headache ya then having a new home is another big headache so it's just that now it comes one one can take care [kan]


my only thing is that okay if he's uh you all have to like let's say workout lah the thing lah workout the thing then from there on then you will see, how is it uh on it


oh I think uh, this one take time lah but again uh I think Hairin uh or or Hairin lah siapa lah uh maybe is to


need to actually like you know find the time for it for to have this share with his parents especially


ya memang lah to plan the wedding is not very easy so I think is one phase at a time but despite all these challenges must really look at it like macam secara positive ya so at least that macam you know what you can do best within this err


that's good actually is one advantage so she just going to spend a lot of on her coming honeymoon maybe next year there's one of her plan lah


ya okay macam itu kira not too bad lah [kan] because anyway the number of guest is being cut down ya actually if you ask me if you want to make use of the pandemic also, very good if you you all like macam prepare and then both both parents are okay ah it's just anyway you also have time also nak save money you know


but then you have to stay in one place for two years lah or in fact one year next year I think I don't think they will open for thousand people still, ya I think still about one hundred or hundred fifty the most ya, frankly speaking err is a good time to be use if you already have some budget even for like hundred fifty guests or hundred then if both are


okay [kan] then at least like you know you all can have the wedding first and then after that ah


ah ini pun if let's say both side okay lah I know it like I think both of you you both of you I think you will like kita macam like okay [jer] like nikah is that correct


oh I think that part can't be helped right we all memang lah keluarga melayu ni mesti nak macam happy happy, know you are like can can just like uh kita sama sama you know ramai ramai meraikan !chey! macam meraikan ilmu pulak tak ada lah saja mengeratkan silaturahim so I think can lah I think we just


uh take it positively and then now do live streaming also possible what you just need to pay additional for the live streaming lah so there's one one idea you can have, ah but now I think for now don't take it as uh macam sedih nak kahwin [kan] you just more like if all the all the err apa ni restriction constraint you just take it like what can be done during that point that point of time lah


or very determine like what you want nak buat [kan] like macam tak kisahlah apa orang nak cakap [kan] biarlah you know so basically you just can just ignore and then you all like determine what you all want to have, to prioritise lah then kalau let's say family kata oh no no no no I just want to have the big wedding you know you have to then you just sit lah ah okay option one I let go the flat


you can have the big wedding but err we have to burden one of the side lah, must stay don't know until when because after that don't know how your selection because I heard once you withdraw you want to apply again can take some time if not, if not ya ya that's what I heard


then if not alternative you do the resale flat lah [kan], ah that's another option lah that means to get a resale flat maybe dalam three five years that macam ah you know our relative


some of them ada so you can have like that or another one that you also can have like uh just a another second option you tell them okay I can have only this budget both of us, okay so err if you want to have this guest is up to your own description of expenses


you know ah sendiri sendiri yang macam nak spend lah so if let's say if this side kata okay boleh ah can we can come out each another to ten thousand ten thousand, ah then okay then so semua boleh centralised atau pun nak separate itu another one lah ah because I think


about tunang he can never be meet everywhere lah [kan] like macam semua happy


then okay [loh] kalau tak boleh oh too bad lah because either or I think there's only some loss factor for example if they use option one, you lost your down payment of two thousand dollars from the HDB but maybe you don't put your your your plus point you need to think about renovations you are just focus on one point


and then uh so you spend lavishly ah your your whatever you needed to okay that but you need to spend five years three to five years


norms lah sederhana [jer] like very minimal number of err what you call number of people, then after that then that's it lah finish okay [dah] tak ada lagi lah that is the the the point of it ya so that is one of it


ya ya actually but before you all have a discussion uh of course you separately have to talk to your own parents


then that means but you prefer you talk to your parents both of you like macam tahu okay kita ada this amount kita ada ni kita boleh prepare macam ini ah then ah


oh ya then your your when both of you display what is on the table and then let them decide lah, ah what they want lah ah because I think


so maha is the compulsory amount that you supposed to provide so the amount yang kita dapat tu minimum is actually is if I am not mistaken ROM yang kasi the minimum amount then other than that above is up to you, ah you know so that is the the initial so in ya I think in don't know which negeri ya dia orang lagi emphasise mas kahwin then a gift gift tu hantaran lah bagi dia orang ah that is culture melayu kita ni terbalik ah


err hantaran err for me lah I think it all depends on the affordability yes correct to have that amount is for you your parents cakap tak nak ambil [kan] tapi the thing is


even for you the amount to them is a a stipulated savings that you can have one shot for your house but I think along the way err sometimes rilek [jer] lah, err you can have the best of both worlds [kan] jadi kita kena tengok mana yang lagi important lah [kan] ah


that's why I said despite the whole thing now seems already [dah] pening kepala lah [kan] like very you know so you you just got to doa for awhile rilek you know don't need to think


err mix up what is it like like you think that oh what I want to have oh I want to have nice photos then you just think that okay nice photos focus what photograph I want then how much budget are from it lah, like you can because you think things that you can control macam budget photographer your brother ah these are the things that no need to involve family what


like bridal studio photo or this not belong to family right even the exchange of hantaran also not belong to family so anyone want to give extra is a plus point, but other than that ah if let's say for example ah we exchange err three saja lah item let's say for example


okay ah for example a'ah cuma satu I this one I don't know eh dulu I should have known luckily I never ah exchanged quran do you know that what is in, in other in one I read about in err on here like for example you know certain things when you exchange actually for example sensitive thing lah


I don't okay ya, both side actually exchange gift ah how many you want to have it depends


oh duit that one that one is the mas kahw~ eh ini not mas [kan] that one is err !alah! hantaran lah ya lah but some give cheque ah nowadays, ya I saw all my friends they give the cheque but I think now cheque they were really better PayLah PayNow lah no need lah I pay now [loh]


ya correct correct so I think it can be just a symbolic amount, or can be just a cheque amount ya that is one thing of it lah ya if you ask me can be cheque kosong ha ha ha ha


okay what right, cheque kosong what but inside is PayNow leh is direct transfer, ah so is all depends lah but again if follow tradition ya lah they want to see for real to sure masih cash you know you know bank note


ah but I think in today's context can be just like, like a normal cheque just to display in fact if you ask me a paper also okay but mesti there's a transaction and PayNow , if not screen shot and then you see


like you say like you know some can we stand some cannot tapi to know each other's partner is very very important so if


if let's say you know the oh your partner ah really can't afford this right so but he he he he's willing to take care of you he's willing to you know he can take care of you, you know that means that if you have a flat together what know you all still are able to maintain its just you all need time need the time to start up or maintain so it's either two way either


like I said lah is the thumb comes with terms of agreement like either you all actually, uh get the support of family either by you can stay to the other place one of the houses you know for like three to five two to five years and then we get married earlier


or you actually like err like both family are agreeable to have a smaller budget then all had to start out on the new, home ya because if you ask me this term it takes a village to raise children but I always believe it takes a village to even start a home


so I think like this uh family support is one factor very very important to me lah that's why err I mean culturally kita melayu is very united satu hati lah [kan] macam like kita you know lah we are like


we always like always don't forget like what to do I mean what to to help out even like with friends you know like we hear when peoples susah even like just now you say comments comments just now right, not none of our business also lah but the thing is like people also like sibuk and go and go and comment ya


ya lah she wants the opinion


oh it depends some some partners maybe like they do in front of you like they buy you lavishly and all that tapi out there maybe dia pakai card card card tapi tak share, ah there are couples are like that like they because they don't stay in a one home under one roof right so of course there are things that you can hide


and then maybe like err the person uh then where the family said firmly talk oh it is a very well to do but initially it is not you know that uh kind of situations of


ah dia bukan pun tak tunjuk kind of thing some some can leave that up staging on staging eh macam berlakon staging up everyday which like to me it's excruciating ah but some people ya carry on maybe like for example dia partner no ah


he has so many money aku minta pun okay [jer] ah you know sounds like but I the end when the person say oh uh he's in debt for the wedding ini ya actually that is not the only one


I think dari zaman our grandfather they are always this occasion people last time if you watch P Ramlee show, ah lie lah borrow the Chetty lah you know that that particular Chetty will always just borrow lend the money to them what high interest and then end up hutang because because our tradition that our culture that sometime


err kills the that particular portion lah but in this younger generation in your generation err things have changed progressively, then like for example ya you you want to prioritise on this you have to have budget and so is it again like assist supporting the family lah kalau family understand family tahu what you can what you cannot and then


it's okay we'll like for example like a friend of mine both of them !wah! very have good job then they get flat dengan with their pay, they cannot even get HDB flat eh they must buy a condo or private property, ah high ceiling income but then err there's one period of time he changed job


so there's uh about three months is like or four months ya tak start he take a break but he got ready a job to start later on so he used that, you know that particular period and try to appeal you know ah and then they finally got it ah then but there's a word then the reason


err a a very meticulous person who are very fact this or more usually this happens in a matured couple lah ya where they, ready above thirties then they think long term already so like when I ask you both like above ten should be able what stay in condominuim or what then they say no lah to think that


I have to pay more than half a million for the house I could headache already ah, that's why he told me lah [kan] so like macam very kelakar then I was like abby you all gaji seventy eight thousand [dah], like very stress then me leh then how


then like let me oh mampus ah like that like that then he said no lah it's just that, uh you know the more the


ah tak tahu lah don't know lah there's this particular you know so basically this is the this is the part that he always remind me that lah which I always think oh, okay for you maybe because your parents comes not in my generation slightly older generation so apparently like you know they have certain exception but again


I thought generation we're beyond discussion they always have a room for discussion but the thing you as a, to know you usually parents ah whether to let go kids to kahwin I think me as a parent I will only see whether are you ready financially emotionally


you know and ah both ways lah both parties lah so uh people might say money not no money is a need when you want to start a family but did did as a parent you look at these two aspects lah, if financially you okay then no need to be so damn rich lah right no need to be like so kaya or whatever you just need to have like


ah more than enough like can start lah macam you can pay your bills you know you can you can uh you can have a proper food you know don't end up like until like when you have kids


also you have enough that's a situation like that okay but you are working you know so that is the one funny part sometimes that can happen that's why I say ah, financial planning to me is it is very important though I'm not a very good financial manage myself but the thing is at least from the mistakes I learned I share with my kids I say you all


when you work you have to think is I always remind that's why like when when when my anak when all of you come to me my anak anak saudara ask me about wedding, my concept is what is your vision apakah your punya vision to achieve in building live together if your vision is to have


okay a stable marriage a stable home then to me is wedding to have a lavish or not is secondary because bottom line you want to stable yourself you nak make sure that, you start something that with no hutang you know because basically you you start something with hutang you got headache


I am not saying when you are together you know hutang lah [kan] you will have you got kids already hutang will be there but, is not as if you are not able to pay that's the only thing lah ah because memang ah kalau memang kita ada segalanya memang ah kalau kita anak anak sultan Johor ke daughters sultan daughters of sultan johor can lah


ah then you anything you want or you want a lavish wedding can and you want a good honeymoon good then you want to have a very beautiful flats also can


ya involves money ya but the thing, ah introduce you must have really must have because if not lah if you ask me lah !wah! very Jialat lah like every everything also must risau but


really we really have to have to do it because if not later you have problems and then you can't convince your parents like, what can be cut down what can don't need to cut down I mean kita tak boleh convince like that macam like for example ah you know


fathers oh mesti nak ada lima ratus okay but, because you already give a picture you know what can be done what cannot be done then your parents ah okay lah boleh lah boleh lah sembarang ah he will come to a point like that I know my brother


ah engkau continue okay I will I will support you it will come to that bottom line


okay I'm actually very stress lah pasal the my wedding lah


I'm planning to like, two lah because the the flat will only be ready in middle twenty not really middle lah early twenty twenty three so logically is the year before lah ah


that was the initial plan err tapi entah the situation can change you know


err so like I mean if I were to move as in just yesterday we were discussing like


so I thinking kalau if we move to my parents house then, err, at least I am staying as in sleeping on my own you know at least ada bilik and the house is bigger then dia pun dia pun cakap like oh ya ya I agree also but then the a bit the cons is that it's all the way to the west


ah itu dia macam takut not really takut lah like you know too [dah] biasa tinggal kat east and then you have to come back all the way to the west afterwork ya


ya it was to be a combined wedding tapi due to budget lah [kan] , maybe consider to do two separate size lah so cuma no doubt it will be cheaper but then it will be leceh you know because we have to tak [kan] I went to do both side at one place so like as in maybe one place to be different area


so it doesn't make sense lah to travel from the west to the east the east to the west then after that, !aiya! ya just basically just a bit susah lah


ah the one definite lah, yes but then tak semestinya we have to move in straight away after we get the keys right I mean it definitely there will be something to consider macam like like what mother cakap is to do renovation for the kitchen you know have to put in cabinets and everything


so that one will take time definitely don't know how long it take lah but, definitely will have to stay at one place first lah it's either my side or his side lah


ah because err I know there are the HDB the protocol is I think if I'm not wrong lah six months atau three or six months to submit the certificate either before your house already or after that was like dulu lah so


yes yes but then one thing about the the BTO is florida kasi ready ready like err provide the flooring err basically the basic stuff is already there just that of course kitchen is bare lah


err tapi I mean because we were so focused on the flat itself we didn't think about before that you know because when we apply ah it was actually just for fun, it was just for fun so err tak sangka that we get an appointment and then we


move forward then after that that's where we started to plan oh uh wedding macam mana err how to plan and everything because is like I told you right, his family is very big bigger than ours so all the saudara mara [dah] besar besar how about like


the budak the kids confirm like you you send one invitation is not two people come is satu family, so that's why the the the budget is a concern lah,


, oh it's not like one whole thing,


but but then if you do everything at once right it's save time right


I mean with now at this time it was is now twenty twenty to have two years to plan technically we have to already set aside some money because by next year [dah] kena deposit you know or, for the location if let's say you want to do for bridal then do photography videography


!chey!


ah okay but then I mean ya lah whatever you face last time was it's good to know I mean who knows sekarang pun is about the same tapi we do have like thoughts about


I kita buat kat bawah block you have to consider that oh catering and decoration may not be under one err one company we may be separate and then err apa ni like you have to think


that okay location you have to be one thing one err price and then your deco one price okay catering one price and then like macam you know that the the fundamentals like you say like compound


for me I think like oh because kita buat combine and it is a location that can provide a lot macam for the one at orchard right, err they have catering they have decoration with including the err plumbing also and then err they include the door gifts


and then err tables and chairs all set up all the basic everything is there except that the only thing that top up that one is just AV and DJ, and if you want kompang then that one is different thing lah then the only thing that I have to worry about is the rider


uh the bridal and photography but if let's say we took that away because kalau boleh I want to, satisfies satisfy my parents so you know lah my dad punya thinking is, such old school you have to follow according to what happened last time so we must have everything must have a big wedding so my concern is that if I cannot afford I mean not he cannot afford lah if I cannot commit to that


you know that budget right make it a small nikah and then just makan makan lah after that which actually my mum say okay, another fact is that I'm the first one I'm the first child so obviously as a father want to show off mah so like err very proud you know finally you know somebody err my my child is getting married or whatever but then


!alah! they don't know the the cost to get that, good wedding ah is really really great lah so macam entah just, okay ah if let's say we don't do combine we do separately will be it will not be fair to him lah because he will definitely have to fork out more first on top of the duit hantaran and everything like his family is very big right so you have to cater more people


and then also we have to consider vehicle costs err to ferry to each other to each side lah so at least kalau macam at one location, err there's no need for any vehicle lah I mean there's only just need one way lah just to do the whatever photo shoot after the wedding


ah that's why at least everything will be there so for example if let's say you do at orchard at that hotel, at least you know the night before stay one night after that ah want to get ready just go down, of the after that you want to change outfit just go up or this area have like a fitting room whereas for like kalau buat two separate locations if let's say you want to change one outfit at this


site then change another outfit at another sit [kan] susah and then kesian the mak andam kadang kadang I'm not thinking for myself lah I am thinking for other people so ya, that's why lah is really really hard for me to think about this lagi lagi two years is actually very fast confirm very fast I don't know how to move from there lah from now lah


I mean I get it lah you told me to work on it tapi the problem is I have been discussing like I


parents lah all about these tapi I don't know whether he did discuss with his side because like


okay okay boleh okay but then like no news you know after that so it's always me, either me contacting her mum uh his mum atau she contact me to get update because he don't tell her anything so how to work on that


burning hair to think of it, ya the mak andam dia punya at least they have experience you know in doing wedding make up and then also cannot take it already lah eh the cost also is a lot but then to me should not even


I suggested to my mum lah like come lah to meet me and give me advice lah


uh tapi kahwin sekarang , I don't know like nowadays people like I mean due to this pandemic [kan], so people are starting to to get married now because due to limited in capacity [kan] because my own friend also she's getting married on end of the year


planner is helping lah so like for example their they will supposedly do the combined wedding then it will suppose to make bawah block lah


but because now really very hard right so the err dia parents cakap okay never mind I'll help you find one location they actually recommended hotels lah, but then because is they have to top up more so, uh manage to find at this particular location somewhere in the west lah so uh it's not a location that is suitable for wedding lah it's more to like education wise


ah so err they had to actually emerged certain rooms to become one big room, something like you know those typical conference room meeting room right so no not they had to make this type of compromise but at least its it does not affect in a way that they have to top up more


they are is still within their budget but their problem is right because now you cannot have buffet you have to give bento box, so her concern is that eh bento box mana cukup like is a malay wedding tau you will tend to eat more than


usually you do but so you is you limit to one person one bento macam is not fair but they still paying the same price as the normal buffet so she was very worried about that lah but then because of this eh err she had actually got enough as in


the balance of the money that supposed to be deposited for the wedding right she actually used to take out one more photographer, ah so at least you know you don't have to be stuck with just one so you just two so after that uh


became because of that also one good thing lah I mean not about travel so she splurge out her so called honeymoon in singapore err


ya lah the week after the wedding lah she will do that means like I think maybe, within december lah she'll she'll do honeymoon


ya of course lah you too just want the nikah but then


!alah! mak pak dia [dah] tua so he she's been trying to push him to get married lah so I don't know whether that means that oh just cepat cepat kahwin then [dah] or just want to make it a big event, because lah ya lah like you mention that I'm still considered an uh outside outsider [kan] so I mean kalau boleh I don't want to masuk campur lah whatever happens because it's not my family yet


definitely lah now you [kan] confirm ada yang macam kenapa tak jemput and everything and then they don't, understand that you know it's it's not by choice I mean tak yah by choice lah but then there's a limit to the choice so


if if kata that err you want to invite a certain family member tapi sangat jauh actually like four hours is like already long lah [kan]


we can just view via zoom lah I mean no issue what tapi ya tapi you all are like my like my friends and also macam I feel bad then I was like, you don't have to feel bad about this you know because you had you are the one who decided to continue this you migrate islam kalau boleh jangan lama lama [kan] don't delay right but then !alah! since they actually tuhan [dah] [dah] tau eh


so it's not good to delay any further so she is like never mind lah just get ready lah but err but the downside right you cannot go do outside is still kat rumah so limited to I think fifty person right termasuk her family so she was like


she was happy to get married but then she is like macam sedih because only family is there ah no friend so macam like entah lah I don't know lah whether she still feels bad or not uh so she's been trying to like you come lah you come over to my house lah we will have like


it'll take about like a year, because we are considered err sekarang first time right


so the next one will be second time already which has a lower chance of ballot


alternative


ya that was the initial plan but you know lah as usual pay me but then , ya like like okay lah you can like still had ya know tu I will have to discuss with my own parents but then he will have to take the effort to discuss with his parents also lah and once the, ya you know you we know what we want as [dah] bilang the parents then at least bila the both sides nak jumpa to discuss further at least they know what we want you know and then


so that means so that means it's kalau macam untuk pasal wedding ada yang kasi gelang ada yang kasi cincin that one is okay is it, and then for hantaran that one is considered like, the groom side is giving a gift lah to the bride side is it


is it err oh, ya but some people still want to display the notes right


, cheque kosong [dah] melampau kot actually kalau let's say, ya ya true dare to it ya


maybe because of all these uh hantaran right I didn't actually eh one post kat Facebook this err is like a page lah where people can send in their stories anonymously you know like macam those magazine, err so is there a magazine is through Facebook lah so this lady was cheated and you know I just


err macam it's not like they are prepared to go ahead with the marriage is they feels that is the right thing to do


the way that she have raised in the story is that dia macam stress like dia yang perlu kahwin tapi you know a lot of things happening then on


so because dia tak boleh bayar I don't know lah all this thing I I don't understand lah so so she's like was asking pendapat lah like then I saw a lot of people that why in the first place you go and marry that kind, you know you when you're not ready to so there are like people defending her there are people who are citing her so macam to me like I agree with the people who are defending and citing sama [kan]


ah against her or citing her so those yang against her right are like macam you know, why you go and marry the guy if you know that you're not ready for it if you're not financially already so, a lot of people macam kenapa awak kejam kat dia is her choice whether she wants to go ahead with the marriage and not but to me I personally I feel that if you don't have the money then don't do it lah


!wah! that means either like they are not ready financially atau just [dah] tak ada feeling lagi lah which saya macam pelik eh like you tahan for so long as in not say tahan lah dating for so long and the bila tunang you just give up ah


ya lah a bit basically that the reason why she wanted to contribute a story is because dia nak minta pendapat eh, correct but then entah lah I feel like but then to me [kan] kalau going back to my friend eh together for seven years


and then tunang for two years and then you break it off to me is that ya you say got dugaan when they tunang tapi I feel that if, you are together for seven years you should go the partner already quite well so apa beza ya when you sarung cincin then oh suddenly all the problems come up you know


that's the thing lah and when it comes to this thing as in wedding and marriage it all comes down back to money


so macam that's what makes it stagnant it's not the fact that oh okay ah lepas ni uh nak fikirkan tinggal mana uh nak duduk mana but it's the fact that oh it'll also that plan you can do it


okay that's the thing that I can already tapi [kan] the downside right okay with going back to like just one location or just one combined wedding eh is like, if you they will the basically right their terms like if you have more guests is cheaper so to avoid that


as in basically [kan] you need to have okay ah for example like that that that particular location at orchard err it's for one thousand person is about twenty plus plus per person, then another company is offering that oh if let's say you wanted maybe about five hundred people lah ya for both side that means two fifty each right then it'll cost about the same price


or maybe slightly more but of course lah about thirty dollar plus plus and then leh I compared those two, the lauk is not as much as the one at orchard you know it's like


uh the other one is like the basic lah got the rice chicken everything even got like fish and then the like kuih muih ah it's also very limited like some a lot of places are offering ten types right, they only offering two then drinks also is like oh asia's err hot tea coffee and then like one cold drink


this this one is the one that another company lah not the one at orchard is another company so to me is that ya your food is nice your decoration is very nice we went to the, showcase and is all very nice very tempting and they even offered multiple locations but you offer your location but then your


package is so not good it's difficult you know and then uh there was one time err the package includes bridal, he close bridal tahu then I ask the person if let's say I don't want bridal can I change to something else oh ya we can offer you the


you compared the price of each eh to a bridal, uh as in uh part of the bridal right that means is uh tak salah it's two outfit


two outfit and then with mak andam everything he compared with the price of kambing and Satay, who would wanted [seh] and he still want to charge over thirty dollars per person tahu and they even dare to say you know err because you know lah perangai kita after every wedding mesti will like


stay we will just stay until until the end even until the end also nobody else will just stay right maybe about ten minutes or so, this one tahu they say that you know if let's say there's another event right after your event lah we will have to clear out, before before the end of the event so for example if your wedding macam pukul dua belas hingga pukul lima and if there is somebody who actually book that event space


maybe pukul enam ya you have to start clearing by four which to me is not fair I like the one at orchard right the one they really said to me oh, we will only book one event for one day, so you want to stay as long as you want tak kisah do you know padahal both of them are


who doubt service for the other company is much better <malay>tapi</malay> the (ppo)


(ppc)


a'ah


so entah tak ada anxiety tak ada ah


ya


ya uh ya so, I think err tapi is susah to say ah that this is still moderate like I mean moderate I think is kalau nak cakap apa penyakit yang bila atau paling terhangat [kan] like you know heat at the peak right moderate lah is should say I think anything more than this


I think anything more than this kena redha lah


tak tak senang lah reckless lah lepas tu ah apa terkebil-kebil mata dia [kan]


ah tapi macam mana sebab test dia kelakar kelakar tanya soalan [kan]


wait wait wait


err, the dementia I pernah nampak ah like the test to do


bila kita cakap pasal dementia kita pernah nampak test dia apa dulu dekat tempat kerja sekarang kena buat dia tapi nama test abbreviated mental test or something, A&T [kan] then apa macam ada dia orang cakap kat situ I tell you the number one nine seven two


ya so they will say I wil tell you the number one nine seven two ah fifteen minutes later I I fill the number and tell me again then writing again right ya


ya you know that you are actually


ya do you know that actually are you are supposed to, !huh! what is it ah actually you are supposed to go and get her like tested that like for five years ago like when it was at the peak of the light where she keep asking is it already azan is it time to pray is you already azan then you can get their diagnoses which is at the mild stage because right now already at the moderate right


so it was at the mild stage right you should, gotten it diagnosed then because if you get got it diagnosed then then doctor can frequently follow up but they cannot just do ah the, err what actually dementia you can see from their brain that it is they having dementia lah but because stroke also can cause you to have some deformities in the brain say dementia is still like a mental condition right they have to do all test there like depression schizophrenia all these they still do test


like verbal assessments you know but


doesn't mean just depression kadang-kadang kalau dia datang enam bulan later sekali I am very depressed but I can hear voices in my head telling me to jump down, ah tu dah schizophrenia tu but then you see is like mental condition is terlalu susah cause


the project, you know they don't, you better but there's no need to stop, we, know


so people, that version, you can got you involved


if means that you need to do, want to, we we talk


we, , kid


ya I know, you know


, I


ya but


you are already tired from work then you go home your parents not to say burden but you have to give hundred percent dedication


oh


I think kalau you nak ikut yang orang europe punya is that kita first of all kita singapore tak ada space tapi kalau ada space kita boleh buat tapi dia orang buat dia orang tak buat nursing home dia orang buat macam nursing bilik you know


a nursing home right is very strict like you have to be inside there are because they don't have the manpower to bring you out and even if you can go out err is very risky because later nanti anak dia orang datang complain eh why you let my mother my father go out ah ah you know


but sometimes


ya so like if there is something like that I think it's very attractive lah because some is an enclosed space so you can come and visit your


family members isn't that in singapore if we don't use it have enough resource kita tak ada banyak kebolehan untuk like build something from scratch start from ground zero we have no space and then it's like, our only resource kita punya apa kita ada is ah hasil kita is orang you know we only have people that I would like crops like that that we can export and import so that's why like


you wanna have a village like that it has to be somewhere that is already developed that still needs more developing like nursing


ah


but if you have to understand sebab kalau dia orang keluarkan I think banyak sangat orang nak literally like rental flats are never enough in singapore


the (mmhmm)


there are because like if they know then some people might take advantage of it, ya


ya, I think, for like the elderly right is you in okay maybe not in singapore because I'm mean in singapore but why doubt popular another reason is orang dah tua orang nak pergi masjid nak pergi temple nak pergi church


you ada that club house especially as senior activity centre it doesn't appeal do you know that that clubhouse one session can facilitate up to thirty maximum sixty lah if the centre is really big, but if you have your rental flat that is above it right that studio apartment that is above you have two hundred to four hundred unit eh two hundred unit so two hundred units


and not in the activities to appeal to everyone tak tak semua orang nak karaoke tak semua orang nak colour tak semua orang nak main Mahjong ada orang nak pergi church nak pergi solat you know nak pergi prayer nak pergi temple so it's like


ah kita tak nak emphasize right that kind of thing you know and then, so because of that it is not about how I should say are very highly encouraging play a country to practice your religion first that if tapi kita kena buat moderately kita tak boleh over of course lah kita tak nak extremist [kan] kita nak be good to our neighbours


but because her dad like everybody has err I mean maybe not just singapore everybody, it every individual tahap how religious they are tahap dia punya iman it's more like eat in the bowl, so bila you nak bawa orang orang ni cakap okay ah siapa nak pergi mall nak buat you know macam kalau let's say dia orang taruk rental flat like one of the benefit atau studio apartment eh what are the benefit is boleh buat pergi church temple and


mosque mosque this mosque lepas tu ah church let's say is a catholic church then ah, temple is a hindu temple, you know but how about the buddhist how about the carton how about the christians how about any


ya lah, ya


I think


ya


I'm not, that kind of thing then then like then


how to say ah macam nenek kat rumah so I am not the one that go out to seek my to accompany my elders my elders is the one that my elders is the one that come ah


anything with me if with my family right so it's like you know that that the dynamic is already different dia punya relationship is different so


a'ah, ya so like or don't no and then I feel maybe


I feel sad also macam budak-budak kecil budak-budak secondary school yang macam dia orang nak duduk dekat rumah dalam bilik dia orang because they are because they are the oldest one


(oo), I think there are a few points that be, take away from here is the number one


oh semalam ada cakap [kan] the discussion dari kecil is what is important how you didik and show right , because


ah, ah because once it becomes a task it becomes a chore nanti macam tak happy then ya but you know you can never know even though they are your kids they are still human beings you made me me like what they are actually very happy with the idea because for me it be like


CCA ke apa kita tak nak pergi sebab apa oh cannot cannot I need to take care of my grandma if my friend ajak me go out nak keluar oh sorry sorry tak boleh tak boleh need to take care of my grandma you know like is it for me nenek dah kat rumah it convenient


but, but it's just me like I because I don't like to travel so you are convenient lah that I'm already at my house like that


ya but so jadi ke masa cakap apalah kebaikan apalah sebaliknya jaga penjagaan like you all this tanya right dah tak cabaran lagi lah so it's just a learning experience


ya so


(mmhmm)


you think you have, next ah what, I think, so far from what I learned about this are taking care of a being a secondary caregiver or living in the same household right


be prepared to tukar mindset, a'ah, what I think


ya like, that's the main thing that's the main thing ya like you have to always be prepared like because the thing is for progressive condition right, then you move on on on you


it's like macam mana nak cakap eh if metaphorically is if you put it in a, so you like you're drowning you, you can ah whatever makin turun makin turun kalau you tukar your you will say okay I'm trying to swim now okay swimming doesn't work okay let me take a path I let me do some breathing exercises that me just tried to float for a while you know


I try to swim okay let me ah see how I if I can go and get help it really is that they're getting help, ah swimming is trying to move forward right is really paying like you really can't and sometimes when you want


swimming you are trying to get to where you want to go you get a cramp in your leg and then there is like you know you patah balik patah balik right kadang-kadang like it can be like, it three weeks of peaceful snipping all of a sudden one day it is ah again ya and apa that sucks lah because


and dia cakap lecturer dia is ah mak dia pun ada dementia she's the main caregiver lah okay you when even a lady who is teaching nursing who you would know is a pakar a professional in these right in having patience and kesabaran cause they take care [kan]


she also experiences ya she was experience caregiver stress that really affect her work so what my kawan bilang me was that, uh okay lah dia because dia ada background the towel the thick and jake's dump the limit jacket you should you hire professional you know they know what to do so her her tips and tricks is that the disrupt


the incident was dia try her very very best untuk mak dia tak akan berak dan kencing anywhere


it's like


it's like macam mana nak cakap eh ya like okay now I realise that even you doctor you nurse as you ni cuma you you also don't treat the patient twenty four seven, family yang dah ada history with that person and then like you they have a lot of emotional


attachment for nurses and practitioners they can always be like okay this is not working you try as so much with your client you try and like ask them work with then work with the family tapi kalau family do decide that one day, you know why I believe that it is not working I would like to close the case I would like to go somewhere else then you you have to be let alright I will close the case and then


what for the for the, professional sometimes if they feel like the case is not is not going smoothly it's not working out they can actually feedback to their supervisor and be like I'm sorry but I think this case any if not working out you know


there is a professional boundary where you stop at like you will never go beyond it so like family there is no like is unconditional you selalu kena not not selalu kena actually you have to always be there what not what not


you already have that bond and the attachment, and for professionals that is that boundary, ya,


, ya


ya you guys are doing experimenting on your own you know like that's what doctors want it's because doctors are not there twenty four seven


sometimes doctors are also like unhappy lah like you want you keep the medication here medication there but it's just that dementia is so different that dementia is not, yet studied in that I guess especially in the asian society dementia is the terikut perangai lama [jer] perangai lamanya mana doktor tahu you know even like as much as you share with the doctor or my mother is like this like this like this


but doktor macam as much they are only able to do so much with the information you give tapi like I, think I had one someone I know right dia punya mak dia tak nak makan kat rumah cakap makanan tu berpasir lah apalah a'ah macam tak suka kalau anak balik lagi so it's like instead of


sitting and eating that meal half an hour she takes four hours to finish that meal ah but did you know what actually what is the history is because she ya she stay in a different child's house now anak dia yang dulu duduk dengan dia ada dia ada bermampu lah


ah


so we know lah that communication is like the key to


dementia is you can jaga because you have heard stories fifteen years taking care but it's your ability can you go through it or not and communicate they lose a lot of things they lose communication they lose their memory they lose their ability so


, , phenomenon


oh okay lah


okay


oh it was so much fun after a long time I tak pergi kerja then went back so met , it's a small group lah not a big group so met the rest of my colleague and then the place also okay lah not so busy last time used to be very busy but now because of the COVID thing so companies send their


ah their staff, macam in a small group lah instead of last time one big group


a participant they only allocate uh fifty per a company so just now there's two company so it's like err two company fifty fifty so it's two hundred people came but I don't think so hundred people came just a like about


less than sixty, oh I guess maybe fifty four two companies because of the err, nowadays the government very strict on social distancing so they decided to take small


group lah but no more number of days dia panjang ah james was the in charge ah it's quite fun lah, I don't know because the deal is they can't go to their


a client office right that's the problem so if they can't go to their clients office they have to cancel the whole thing and in order to cope up with all the, business sales so they I think they implement this thing is is in incurred into the charges lah


you otherwise they have zero zero business, they're not going to go for they are not going to have a health screening for any company so I think they came up with this idea of doing it it into one point


the staff we staff we have two reggie one in charge ah one que, and one BMI and then myself doing


BP but surprisingly all the participant came for, ah, screening right they are prepared awal you know I mean normal, so when I say is it because COVID they say ya more relax


which is a ya it's a good idea later you want to go for health screening don't open up email first come here so you're BP will be just nice


(mmhmm), because I told bibik to give anxiety pill early


I think nenek is more on anxiety rather than depression ah because her anxiety is more on because her anxiety is more on, ah she ah panic and she scared and she wants to play all the time


ah so I guess it's more anxiety than dari depression she depression is over already for her because those were the days when she like, two days a bit termenung thing of the past the sister who passed away already then the her husband then uh there is


depression where she very quiet then she kind of very sad really low mood or but now when she have the dementia is going to another level she is more of anxiety I should say


cause uh every time she like fall asleep and then she woke up she panic that she miss her prayer, and she started want to pray then she ah tak yakin that she pray and she wants to pray again and again so that is I think more of anxiety then if we stop her she became very angry


so and then she become breathless in difficulty in breathing and then she start screaming yelling and , she start on saying bad words you know like yesterday we went through and see what are the dementia patient going went through right


not it's quite to say lah couple of days when she was at the peak which is really really very I should say macam mana very tense you okay she was screaming and yelling at the top of her voice


and it's like it is it's not like those days at night only but this time round like the whole day the whole night and then or I could see that these are the, her macam worse or ataupun dia punya paling tinggi lah dia punya mengamuk atau dementia punya err


level, so as what you say lah maybe after this she's gonna be quiet and I could see like last two days already she's been like macam quite ah quite more peaceful , more macam if she she shouted yell and err


but not much and then err at night also she sleep even though she wake up every hour she's not screaming screaming ataupun nak minta keluar from the room instead she keep asking me what time is it then she keep saying that she wants to sleep when she ask me to sleep you know that kind of thing


which is different lah this today's it's so much different from the past


ya, the one thing about her she's always afraid to be alone itu sahaja from last time she doesn't want to be alone, she's a bit timid lah I should say


I don't know maybe the my elder sister lah but the rest I think I don't know the rest are not really lah


timid is different from people who is fierce Shah timid means scared of I think they need is most scared of, she's very garang human but she's scared of all those


ghost or those apparently normal thing lah she's very scared the rest I don't think so lah macam people she's not afraid of lah none of anybody even I think prime minister also she can shout at


ya she went through all the assessment, of course lah unless she says like stupid things lah then she says I want to go back why you bring me here loans lah merepek [jer] accounting but cute lah she answer


she answer because she'll respect the doctor and the nurses there to ask her questions but she angry and she turned to me and tell me that uh these are all nonsense, but when they ask her what time is it which year how many children ask her to draw a clock you know that kind of things she do she she follow what they say and answer their question but err she turned to me and tell me of like


, and then they will ask first they ask what's the date today, then they will ask you


past then present then tanya in between so, cute lah but a lots of questions okay not one I think about maybe hundreds questions that is where she become agitated


the cheat one of continue at first we broke break it up lah so she macam ada rest and then after that continue again , that was so that was like how many months ago that was like like last year last year january it'll last year december before she had the fall


november I think november that is when I know that she is having that dementia problem


no , (uh huh), (uh huh)


you didn't


, ya


, under the sovereignty you don't like it seems like she's continues dementia with all these mental condition you get like this you are who you are by doctors are usually like you know


, ya but the progression is like the progression is actually macam okay lah people, the signals they they progress to recover but people with mental illness they progress with getting worsen and also they only if I detect grandma or did it earlier


there is nothing much ah maybe slow down the process and understand her better but there's no way to stop her from going to another level no so it's quite difficult, for people with dementia of people with mental illness are unless unless people with


which macam mana nak cakap eh ah depression lah maybe lah, difficult for me to say lah because it involved brain and then like nenek they said that some of her brains already stroke, so is there any chances of recovery no right because once the brain stroke and then becomes more you know they say the brain shrink so the chances of recovering is not there


I think the only way for dementia people to on to tackle them is, to, educate the caregiver itu lah, because dia orang ni sooner or later they going to be


, ya they can't depend on themselves they don't even know themselves they don't even know, (oo), uh sooner or later she she will forgot how to err right now she doesn't want to walk and then sooner she forgot how to use hand or to feed herself and then she like sometimes I bring her to the toilet she confused


she confused what to do then she just stare at the wall then say ah eh I thought you want to err pass motion or you want to kencing and then after that she looked at me then he or she doesn't even know that , before she could go into the toilet bowls you have to put the uh leg rest up are you know that kind of thing


so we have to tell her again and again a bit just, quite sad lah mean sometimes I also don't know sometimes is it good to get, professional ataupun ah


, well educate about all this macam well prepared or they are teach to handle another human with mental illness or is it good that the children or the family themselves take care of them


which is err no the better lah no way I'm quite difficult lah this this this this dementia or old aging punya err problem eh it's going to hit the world, I tell you if if the government doesn't do anything right now right now like


the youngsters educate the youngsters ataupun macam make it a point that, , or anak mesti nak kena jaga parents atau there is this centre ataupun help from the government from the nurses from the healthcare is going to be a challenging one I tell you


lot of abandoned or old people I think in years to come not people don't abandon babies anymore they abandon old folks


that is why I say


it's not so bad at all if you send your parents to a nursing care home it's not bad so we have to change those mindset people who says


the because people don't go through, sending your parents to a nursing home is not a thing that macam kita nak abandon them it's like you putting them into a nowadays when you got a child


so it's gonna be the same, the same mindset that is going to happen for old folks so I think in europe they find that ataupun european europe country atau the america they find that sending the


old folks or sending nursing home is okay but not in asia we still haven't got that that, thinking of actually sending them there is so much better for both parties


that the children must take care die die children must be get take care of course you have to take care of her make sure she's okay with her she's fine make sure that you don't abandon them but putting them into nursery


you know I got a friend who the aunty they put err into the nursing home and then he actually my my friend got cousin lah she could say ah eight boys ah the mother got eight boys


so everyone is actually eight boys so actually everyone take turns to take care of the mother but, so it seems that everyone couldn't take it because people have a both husband and wife working children schooling and then are having mother is like full


time attention should be given right so they decided to send her to a nursing home which is not cheap the thing everybody fork out money I think it's about two thousand dollars per month and then what they did, is everyone must take turn to visit the mother everyday everyday there should be at least one of her child come to visit and stay with her until she fall asleep


so I think that is a very good thing to do in a first the mother won't be bored because she got other people over there, and then second will be err medical attention given to her ah anytime twenty four seven because there is doctors and


nurses and then err third she got caregiver which is also a caregiver which is also not like one to one caregiver they have, err nurses who caregiver I should say who come on shift duties you know half and eight hours taking care of her another one taking care of a eight hours and then she also have her children to come and visit her everyday err maybe one or two children


the time so I find that is a very good idea to do that or it won't burden the, the children at the same time also the mother is well taken care by nurses doctors and I I should say professionals and at the same time the children didn't even abandon her come and visit her or maybe they brought her back


during festive season but I don't think so lah because she's already bedridden, don't you think it's a good idea I think now we in in asia or should say in singapore should have this , kind of macam err educate ataupun information or awareness given to all these children are about how to manage your parents when they are old and sick you know and specially when they are having dementia


that's that's what my opinion is lah, ya I know


or you mean like like the one I saw in denmark they have the they have this err dementia village where they have shopping mall they have a market supermarket that the dementia can just wander around you know than they have the


officers then is the place is a well said my securities well kept you know that kind of thing ya lah I guess in singapore and we don't have land to do that


oh eh you mean to say I was just about to say you mean the are they call the studio apartment right when they have the old folk and then they make sure that the doctors and the nurses are there to attend and then they have this emergency button inside their house which is I think the government build that


to to do to to, old generation lah, I think so because but but I don't think so they take nowadays they dia orang macam tak encouraged but they are


they have this macam mana nak cakap eh dia tak encourage tapi dia dah dah ready, I did in this ah they call it the studio apartment kind of thing where okay you dah tua you tak nak tinggal dengan anak you buy this house which is like thirty year you must be the age of sixty then you can buy and then the house must


be in the centre of a estate where a lot of amenities macam vast or or supermarket doctors dekat dekat and then err the whole building dia orang pun ada macam err


err, (mmhmm)


okay this uh we have it you know tapi dia tak ada encouragement ataupun dia kasih macam I find lah macam tak banyak orang tahu pasal ni not many people that that not many people it was once me I don't even know


that's the that's the problem with singapore know they come up with a system or they come up with, an idea ataupun dia come up with a they come up with a with an a project or ideas or system mah


they don't they they say said very err how should I say uh tak macam besar tau like very big macam siapa tahu tahu lah siapa tak tahu tak tahu lah that kind of thing, you know like like like specially our CPF money ah nobody knows that actually right now before you turn fifty five


when you turn fifty or before you turn fifty five you have this thing that you need to log in and says that you want to withdraw your money otherwise quietly they were just take your money, and put into retirement account hundred percent of it up you know


current affair or rules and regulation of singapore or the changes, then they are they are well informed otherwise takde takde orang tahu tak tak macam orang be bothered takde orang tahu lah that's the problem lah


that's problem lah people take ya ya, even that five hundred dollars the help thing right err your dad just got to know when he saw people queuing up the card err see see and then err this this lady said !hey! you want money you know you give out


so funny right then when he came back if a you want money you know you go and queue up me someone money the government is err err giving some uh help fund because I really apply then is it oh you apply already I don't even know I just have to queue up


that's about a long so quite difficult


true how to accommodate right


ya true


ya true so they don't really go into the point of religious lah I think the more points of


the exercise you know that kind of thing where when you talk about old folks is quite is quite err, complex lah I should say how to handle the future and the future old folks generation


I I am one of the candidates going to be into that, that that's it there I should say are citizen I'm going to be that, old folk citizen soon or not far also but err right now people at my age I should say ataupun people at pak age those who were born or in the fifties and sixties you know we ask if you supposed to now start


at this stage and at this stage so both ada compromise both boleh plan sama-sama and both also boleh you know financially prepared you know that kind of thing


for example I just put myself for example what I want to do is I still want to be independent I want to have my own space my own house, I want to have my own freedom you know that kind of thing so at err until what stage until the stage that I really couldn't uh take care of myself or I couldn't


I couldn't be I


I kena orang then I know I don't want to burden my children


ah ataupun nanti cuti come and visit me to take turns are not to go over to their house a macam sekarang ni eh banyak karang ni I see like macam my girlfriends, are people that I know ah they have mom which go every week go to every are of err anak-anak punya rumah macam anak dia ni satu minggu anak dia tu satu minggu I I don't know whether is it a good idea because mak dia boleh tukar-tukar angin tapi kalau mak dia nak tukar-tukar angin is it


oh at this stage eh dia dah penat dah lemah dah sakit is it good for her to change, one week to one house to another house or is it better that she stay put in a hug one place and everybody take


turns to look after you know I find I find ya I find, the second option is so much better because dia tak ada burden others because you see ah


unless you macam okay let's see lah this is, ah what I think it's good it's like macam let's say I ada empat anak I ada dua belas cucu something like that dua belas cucu enam yang very macam dah secondary school ataupun dah pergi tertiary you know which they can help


ah macam take care out dia orang ada ni eh ada helpers twenty four seven dekat dalam rumah tapi err macam make sure stay duduk makan tengokkan dia the whole time they that's that is the way I want it to be lah


rather than err kena hantar pergi rumah satu anak ke satu anak sini anak sana anak sana sana sana habis I rasa macam gitu lagi better lah emak yang in one place everybody come take turns come and visit


you mean you're not used to it that uh you have to go out to take care of the elderly


ya but don't you think that is teaching them a sense of responsibility, ah sense of responsibility thinking making them know that elderly need to be taken care of and then at the same time it's not that they come like the whole week they come like okay monday


monday and thursday my turn okay dia ni wednesday and friday dia ni so the more people into that into that program the lesser that you, ah contribute no that's what I think lah


I I mean right now this is, uh right now right now right now at this situation that I , at present ah most of my err friends, other elderly parents so I'm I think I'm the only one who has mother with me and are in mak nenek into one station the rest all have to rotate lor whether dementia ke tak dementia ke pun rotate


oh maybe macam cik rosnah lah cik rosnah punya mak lah dia [kan] macam tu satu place when maid with with the helper than everybody come cik rosnah come everyday to bathe her, and then the rest come in and then err also so cute then they have this like macam caregiver punya holiday they wait and caregiver can go for holiday and then anak-anak lain have to sit take care


so macam gitu lah macam pada mak lah better mak that way lor I don't know


, oh you want it to be naturally with their are sincerely go is it


ya


lah you got a point there also lah it's what you say tapi kalau sebelum dia orang could are given a task kita kena educate lah the main thing here the the the role model is very important, how you want to err how you


macam !alamak! this week I cannot lah I have to look after my mother you know that kind of thing we have to go eh I can't and I have to look to my mom it's been


it's my turn I don't want to waste you know I don't want to macam kita kena tunjuk positif that kita kena tunjuk yang kita kita look forward you know taking care of parents and then making an appointment oh I can't, in this date this they cannot this did this date this is very special it's time for me to spend time with my mom and that kind of thing


so that is the first step that you can educate your children so in future in time to come they know that oh it's actually important and then mom is enjoyed parents is enjoying taking care and then they look forward and they find that that moment is very precious


ya true


ya true sebab masa tu nenek okay


james I say my mum cannot be a one person cannot handle her at least must be two because one person twenty four seven can, it's really really take up the energy in the the the mental can can go crazy two so we have to divide


one in the morning one in the afternoon or then sometimes or if she really ah really at her peak both must be out at the same time so we need to person to calm her down so they understand lah


that's why that's why I say some people I am some some just, put their mother with the maid and then they have to work and then they come back they already tired and then they have to go for their other thing so the maid is with the mother twenty four seven if the the maid is kuat takpe that is why there is a lot of cases that maid abuse of old folks because of this


you know kita dua orang pun dah tahu macam mana okay this one down the other one come up to console and this one okay okay you rest I take care because this one nak cuba cuba calm her down she doesn't want you start screaming yelling and cursing


you know so quickly the other


banyak terjadi didn't know I beginning to understand why people have to go through, this lah because nenek is actually educating me you know


her character her dementia that she's having right now her dementia early development is really really educating educate me how to handle in future, then what do I want in my future that kind of thing so prepared you know they're gonna macam sakit ke macam


because it's not easy really it's not easy it it's really not easy it's it's possible but it's just not easy it's quite it's a lot of patience mental


you know so I change my mindset I tell myself, I take care of her not because I want syurga I take care of her because it's my responsibility


I she's get she got annoyed her you know ataupun you know I tak boleh tahan dengan dia then I don't feel guilty I am human and then when I do this to her I don't expect reward


because I know this is something that I need to go through I need to do it


ah ya that's why I said because I cakap I dapat awareness ah so it's something that macam god is given me awareness oh okay this is what you need to do lah that I need I can plan compared, to the rest of my sibling who doesn't


ah


and then they they by hard atau by force they says my children have to take care of me I don't care already take care of them, now it's a time for them to take care of me, which is I think not right we are human and we we we have to macam mana nak cakap eh a process of being young and then adult and then old


or as what you say lah don't you think that this is a reward that you are given to you yes I agree with that