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teks: I dont trust psychiatrists anymoreI got out of my 5th? mental hospital stay and thought I was gonna fucking die. I also would like to know how to report a psychiatrist. &gt;-&gt;

OK ILLNESSES. anxiety and depression. 
But I've been diagnosed with everything and on EVERYTHING but illnesses in my records [PTSD, bipolar 2 [no voices or hallucinations at all] severe depression/anxiety and that's about it]

Last stay I was stuck in inpatient for 9 days and they transfered me to a rehab against my will for showin up a little dirty for marijuana and stuck in a hellhole rehab for a week later where my anxiety fuckin shot through the roof. 
I got paxil, topamax for insomnia [it's not for that it's for schizophrenia] and neurontin for anxiety [lol no it's an epilepsy medication] 
I felt like SHIT and like I was losin my mind on the drugs. Now I'm scared I really am going crazy. They gave me like 600 mgs of neurontin 3 times a day. That's.. 1,800 mgs a day? 
I stopped everything as soon as I got out of rehab, as I was leaving they were asking me all these follow up questions and kinda just got the fuck out as they were convincing me to stay. I lost like 20 pounds and was stuck surrounded by shitty assholes 14 hours a day, it was like negative shock therapy for my sever social anxiety. I had a bunch of panic attacks in there, and haven't taken any of my meds for 3 weeks now. I'm still stuck in a fog of derealization like my soul has died and I have no personality anymore I'm just on edge of a panic attack 24/7. I just smoke weed now I dont do anything else and I still feel like I'm stuck in a confusing fog and I'm looking out of my own brain or something. I just went to the hospital because my PAC got denied since I qualified for insurance under my parents again and had to change insurance and institutionalize myself willingly to get a reference to a doctor that fuckin accepted my new insurance and I have two weeks till my first appointment. Even smokin weed is making me feel delirious. I NEED KLONOPIN. I swear I'm losing my mind but now that I got labeled as a junkie in there and had to stay there longer or get transferred to a rehab for a week while my parents and psychiatrist in the hospital decided that would be the best idea against my will. [I was 23 and voluntary]
Holy fuck I can ramble forever but fuck what do I do.. ?
I'm scared of medications fuckin psychs give you. I still don't feel normal. I've never had derealization or seizures from withdrawing from medications. I feel horrible unmedicated, but now I'm terrified of losing myself to insanity with or without meds. fuck...fuck fuck...
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