classify text [gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis]

teks: Terrible WasteThere hasn't been a night since the age of 14 that i haven't though about ending my life. It's a fantasy really. I've been perpetually unhappy since i can remember. Even in elementary school I would tie my karate belt around my throat and try to strangle myself. I remember telling myself when i was 15, that if my life wasn't in a place i'd like it to be by the time i was 22 i would just end it. Well, i saw a shimmering bit of hope at that age. I became an EMT-B, and Fire Fighter. Turns out at 24, its easy to see that everything that shimmers is sure to fade.

 My father passed away less than a year ago, my mother is a stage 4 cancer survivor who still has kemo twice a month and isn't in the best of health. The only thing i see in the future is hopelessness. Every night, whether it was a good day, or bad, i ask myself the same question " What if i just killed myself tonight." 

I was home when my father died, i heard him collapse in the bathroom. The sound haunts me every night. He's never been in good health, he's been disabled since i was born. It's part of the reason i became an EMT. When he fell in the bathroom, he fell against the door, and i couldn't get it open until the fire dpt got there. So there i was, his son, the EMT, unable to do anything to help him, as i just watched him stop breathing. One of my younger siblings posts every day on facebook about it. Its not that i don't want to forget, but i'm reminded every time, and i can't help but blame myself. Every bump in the night, every time the cat knocks something over, i think its my mom collapsing. I'm perpetually stressed....

Even a few stupid attempts in high school that i made sure no one found out about made me feel like i was more of a failure than i was before. I remember having just a random spiral notebook and writing " I hope i die," pricking my finger, and underlining it in blood. I threw it away months later for fear of someone finding it.

So here i am, age 24, "Trying" to go back to school, and failing in every aspect of my life. My relationship with my GF of a year has been slowing falling apart. Since the death of my father i haven't been volunteering at my Fire Department and have had to take a  6 month leave. I've even gone as far to tell myself if things aren't better by 26 thats it this time. I have the place, i have the means, i feel like its a matter of time. I feel like i'll probably fail at that too, i want to end it sooner. 

I just want to dig a hole, lay down inside of it, somehow figure out a way to cover myself up with all the dirt and take a gun to my head. It seems so simple. I don't want people to know i'm gone, i just want them to think i'm missing. 

I don't know what to do anymore, and i'm not sure if i really want to do anything..., return JSON {'label'}
{"label": "mencederakan diri sendiri"}