teks: I haven't slept since she leftMy Girlfriend of four and half years just left me. we had a house together and bought two cars together. we had talked about kids after we were done with school and she was my best friend. we spent all of our free time together cuddling on the couch together or sitting by a fire on the side of the river. we broke up two weeks ago over "all the little things". three days ago she got on a plane heading back to Florida to live with her sister. she threw out all of her stuff expect what she could pack and then handed me the keys to her car saying she didn't want it anymore. and then she was gone.
I have been depressed for a while and it has been causing us to fight for a while. we started getting into huge fights over little things and they just kept escalating to how "all the little things are to much" and she would say we are broken up. it happened again two weeks ago. apart of me wanted it to be over. the fights made me feel awful and took a horrible toll. i kept telling myself "we are just going to keep fighting and i don't want to keep feeling this way". the next two weeks we went back and forth between calmly talking about how much we cared about each other and loved each other but the fighting is too much. and then it would turn into how it was all my fault and how horrible of a person i am and how she "wishes all the misery in the world and that everyone i meets betrays me." i was really upset for those two weeks and barely got out of bed except to go to work. three days ago she got on a flight. now its totally different. i can't sit still. i can't sleep. i just keep bursting into tears and sobbing or pacing the house. When i get to anxious and stay in the house anymore i drive too fast on the curvy back mountain roads.

I don't even know how to process what i'm feeling. it's just awful. i can't do it. its driving me crazy. the tightness in my chest and this awful feeling of being sick all the time is worse than any pain i've had before.

i don't want to be alone but i never had the time to make friends since we moved here. i've lived here for a year and a half and i still have nobody. i've already dropped out of school this semester. i just can't do this and i don't want to be alone and i don't want her to be gone. i love her and i miss her.

i tried calling the national suicide hotline three times tonight and got hung up on all three times before anyone even answered. i just need someone. i can't be alone with my thoughts anymore. i just wish i had someone here with me. 

kelaskan text {harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn}, bagi dalam JSON {'kelas'}
{"kelas": "self-harm"}