teks `I’m drowning in my own failuresI don’t even know what to say really. Looking back, everything is really my fault. I sit in my room and cry and wish and wish and wish that my life was different, but I realize I’m the one who made it this way. 

I could blame my extremely traumatic childhood, abusive father, narcissistic mother, or anything else, but to be honest I don’t know how much that all really affects me. I’m just fucking lazy. And every decision I’ve made in 2017 was terrible, and it’s led me to where I am now. 

Last October I was looking at engagement rings. Living with the man I intended to marry and planning our return trip to Italy for this year. February, it turns out that I actually don’t make him happy. Our home, our life that we had built together was over. Instead of staying in my city, I ran. 

I ran to my “hometown” where the closest thing I’ve got to family are. I stayed with them. Nursed myself back to happiness with them. Created a plan. And then fucked it all up. 

Last year I was saving for a house and planning an engagement, this year I’m $10k in debt, no way to pay my rent, and I just heard back from my dream job that they’re looking at an internal candidate. My ticket out of this mess is now gone... because of me.

Now I have to face those amazing people who believe in me and tell them that I’ve failed again. That that’s all I do. All I do is fail. I can barely work up enough energy to walk to the bathroom. I want to die but I’m too lazy to do it. I’m too much of a pussy. I just don’t want to continue living this life. I’ve fucked it up so badly and have no energy or motivation to find positivity. To even begin to fix it. It’s just fucked and I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted from having to look in the mirror and see the disgusting piece of shit staring back at me. 

No one gets it. And that’s understandable. I’d rather die than continue to take freebies from people who care about me. It’s impossible to explain but I feel like I’m being physically held down. Like “lazy” isn’t a powerful enough word for how immobile I feel. None of this probably makes any fucking sense. I don’t know. Maybe I’m dead already. 

I watched my life fall apart and then saw a glimmer of hope. This job. A job I could truly be happy with and make enough money to pay my debts and take care of the people who have taken care of me. And it’s as good as gone now. I’m back to nothing. 

I don’t think I have the energy to wait for another glimmer of hope. I think I’m done now.`, kelaskan texts {gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis} dan pulangkan dalam bentuk JSON {'label'}
{"label": "mencederakan diri sendiri"}