classify text {gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis}, text `I’m sorryI’m a phony. I’m not supposed to be here. I DONT deserve to be here, I’m not depressed enough. But here I am.

I wish I could just go back to when I was five, and just die then. Days of kickball with my sisters and dad. Days of pure friendship. Everything was simple. Why did everything change? From first grade till now, I cannot think of a single year I’ve been satisfied with that year. 

Since first grade, to now I’ve been lonely. Things kinda picked up I’m sixth grade. Until winter break. Then it got worse. A supposed friend I had kinda ditched me for another. I guess that’s a stupid concept, but for some reason, it really messed me up. They laughed and giggled, while I was alone in the corner. 

Once, I didn’t have anywhere to sit during lunch, because you know, stuff, for a good couple months. I stood by this friend and talked. She shoved away, smiles “go sit down” she says. I walk away, I feel lonely. 

Luckily, I have another good group of friends. But I mess that up, like I mess everything up. I always have to sabotage myself. 

Why am I always the laughing stock. Im always the joke. Why do I have to be so extra? Why can’t I just stop being so lame and stupid. 

Why did I have to ruin that friend ship with that good friend. Why did I push her away? She was such a good person for me and I messed it up. For the best anyway, too good for me.

Why am I so grotesque? Why can I come to terms with it so I could eventually just get over it? Why did I let his insults get to me and sob all of sixth period? Why is my body so disgusting? Why do I eat my feelings 

Why doesn’t mom ask why I’m crying? Why doesn’t she ask if I’m okay? Why did she yell at me? Why did my classmate seem so annoyed with me when I cried?

I feel like I’m no ones first. Friend who kinda ditched me found a new friend. Better than the other one. A lot nicer actually. A kind girl, who I’m acquaintances with. I have a friend group, but I feel as though I have no friends. Another question, why would you put a backpack on the seat I usually sit at, smile at me with that fake sweetness, and say “sorry, saying this for s. You can sit over there.” The place with girls who are pretty cool, but I’m not too close with them. But I suppose it gave me insight on what I am. Someone who is unlovable, except by family

If I wanted to kill myself, my dad would know. He would be heartbroken beyond belief. He loves me and I love him. My sisters are so mean to him, who would have to walk through the mall with? 

Even if I wanted to kill myself, what happens after? Do I go to hell like brother rami says? Or would Allah take pity? Is He even real? What do I believe in?

If I have to be this age, want a husband and kids. But like he said, I’m ugly, and when I said no one would want me, he agreed. 

I truly crave what I said at the beginning. To be young again. Everything is so much more wonderful. The complexities are life are gone. It would be beautiful.

I would ask for help, but my mom would be mad, and my dad would be sad and stressed to know his daughters like this.

I’m sorry for being here. Am I even supposed to be here, let alone taken seriously? I am in early adolescence, I’m not supposed to be taken seriously about this, am I? If you read this, thanks for sticking through. I genuinely appreciate it`, return in JSON {'kelas'}
{"kelas": "mencederakan diri sendiri"}