teks: Sick jokePreviously I was going to kill myself at 19 feb. But I manage to survive to the point that I am occupy myself for several more days. Yeh, maybe I'm not that far. But I have been like this for around 3 years.

Then, I was thinking. My new semester starts on the 1st of April. Might as well kill myself on that day.


Here some background
I just recently knew as well after dugged up my past.

1. I can classify myself as both mentally weak and physically weak. Just happened to got the genes like that from both of my parents

2. My mom died of suicide when I was 4. She had a crippling depression before and after giving birth to me. Also had diagnosed with something called 'baby blues'

3. My father cheated on my mom while he had me and knew that something is wrong with my mom. To make things more funny, after a year of my mom passed away, we live together in the same house, living in the same room.

Hahaha... at first I thought being cheated by girlfriend with my bestfriend in  my last semester in HS, one month prior to national exam was already bad enough. Recently (September last year), my ex left me because of her ex and my depression.

And now I recently learned this? Can I just be done with myself? Like legit I'm tired too

I keep feeling more and more dejected as the time goes on. With my bestfriends, 'my own family'. Heck even my father can only say 'it will pass', 'there are other people who went worse'.

Yeh, I'll keep this facade of nothing happens to everyone else in my community while I'm counting my days to end.

/I do seek for help, did counseling instesively within my economic capability, but yeah somehow I still don't see the worth for keep moving forward/

For who? Myself? Judging from experience, ending it still looks as a better option.
kelaskan text {harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn}
self-harm