classify text [gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis]

teks: The current meIt's been a while, since so much happened. I don't really know where to start and how I feel about it now.

I turned 20, 8 days ago. My friends flew to South Korea yesterday, and I didn't join them, because of 2 reasons:
1.I had a huge breakdown last year on October, where I have been sent to a psychiatry. I did something, which filled me with so many negative emotions towards myself such as guilt, grief and anger. From there on I cut all contact to my beloved friends, while we were actually planning a holiday trip to S. Korea.
2.I was not able to motivate myself to get a job and earn money for the trip, like it has been like that for 4 years now.

I am waiting 'til the 20th this month, so that I have enough money to buy a new guitar, which will be the 2nd in my collection.(I have classic one, and the one I will buy will be either a western or a electric guitar, wanna have all of them in the future) My friends will arrive back in germany on the 18th, So I feel kinda lonely now. Since I am used to have them around and spent time together, which makes me feel happy for that time, where I forget, that I am actually depressed. Especially with my best friends, who somewhat lives in my room, because he drives to me, so that we just have fun together instead of driving to his apartment after work.

It happened alot in the past, I cried and screamed alot, I were on the edge of ending my life so many times, destroyed so many things, which had value to me. I ruined relationships I had, walked a path, of where I thought I would be good enough to make it and gave up so many things(which I can still do, but I struggle with my motivation).

But right now, I can't even tell, if I am ok. I barely cried or had any breakdowns in the last 2 months. I don't feel sad anymore, nor do I feel guilty and angry. I think I reached the point, where I got numb. I don't think about killing myself anymore, and I don't want it anymore. There some moments, where I feel relieved or happy. I don't love anymore. I rejected those who fell in love with me, and didn't cry, when I were rejected.

I just sit in front of my PC, play video games, listen to music, play guitar and piano and spend time with my friends.

From someone who was emotionally unstable, always on the edge, 
 and really wanted someone to love me is now someone who is lacking emotions to actually live a happy life, but not real pain anymore, that I would want to end my life.

What do you think happened to me?
Is that a good thing?
I apologise, if my english isn't that good.

Thank you for reading.
sincerely,
D. Vy, return JSON {'kelas'}
{"kelas": "mencederakan diri sendiri"}