kelaskan teks [harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn], bagi dalam bentuk JSON {'label'}, teks `Just feel like God's punching bagI never thought it would've come to this. Two years ago I had a well paying job, my own house, I had hobbies. I danced. I read. I went out. I met the sweetest, nerdiest girl on the planet. I had my best friend move in with me. Everything was tits. Then I got laid off. 

"Okay" I thought, "No problem, this happens. No biggie, I'll get another job in no time." 

A couple weeks go by, and I get antsy. There are no jobs out there. No one's hiring. No one's calling. My friend's girlfriend moved in with me. Since she had a job, I let her move in. Anything to help pay the bills, y'know? A couple weeks go by, and my friend is acting weird. Like, taking her car and disappearing for 6 hours at a time weird. I chalk it up to meds he's been taking, as he got some teeth taken out. It's not cool, but it's not my place. 

So one night when he disappears, she and I start talking. We talk for about a half hour, when she asks:

"Oh, that's right. Did Lance give you the rent money yesterday."

Um... No. 

Turns out he was spending time with his ex-wife (who kicked him out in the first place and started dating someone else) and spent close to $300 in fake weed. That struck me like a bullet. I gave him a month to get a place and leave. 

The entire time, I felt like the biggest hypocrite. I smoked the real stuff with him and my girlfriend. It helped me put the worry of juggling bills aside and focus on learning game development. But you can't sacrifice your best friend and your girlfriend for your ex-wife. Not one who kicked you out. Not one who strips at a shitty dive bar and blows patrons behind the place for an extra $50.

My girlfriend at this point knows I'm on the edge. I can't focus on hobbies. I'm missing dance classes. So she offers to smoke with me some more. 

So I smoke. Never smoked, never found the need for it, but it got me focused. I decided to out all my energy towards learning to develop video game assets and programming. 

"Okay!" I thought, "No problem. Let's do some personal work!" 

My computer had other plans. The motherboard fried on it. I have no budget for another computer. I take a few breaths, then upload some computer science books onto my phone. Have to do something. 

So I smoke a small bit and get into writing. That works for a moment. I talk to another very close friend of mine. He's relocating out of state to his dad's house. His dad owns a multimillion dollar company, so he'll clear something with his dad. I'll have a job in sunny California. My girlfriend could go to college. I could negotiate a payment plan and pay back what I owe. I could even take my brother out of the shit he's in and put his life back on track. 

Then I get a notice for a drug test. I start to panic, swear off weed entirely, and begin drinking tons of water. I talk to my friend from earlier, he advises me to just keep drinking tons of water. "But if you fail, just more reason to come with us." 

I polish off a case of water and a detox bottle (on the advice of my mother). But I have a nagging feeling in the back of my head. So I message my friend's father on Facebook, introducing myself and asking if he needs any hands on deck. I go in and take my drug analysis. 

"Nothing in the foreseeable future. Sorry. "

My heart sank so low people in China are wondering what to do with it. And now I'm here, the only good thing left going for me cuddled up next to me. I can't give her the life I wanted, the family I wanted. I'm sitting in a house, terrified the electric is going to go out, and I'll have no means to keep her warm. 

I don't know what to do. I only wanted to do good, to help everyone out. But it seems like no matter what I do, someone or something's stabbing my back. 

I broke down completely last night. Put a pair of scissors to my throat. The only reason I didn't jam it into my carotid was because I didn't want my girlfriend to find me. But I can't keep up with the bills on just unemployment. If that test comes back positive, I'm done. I can't do it anymore. I can't take anymore. I haven't slept in two days, and haven't eaten for three. 

Thank you, for reading. I just wanted to get this off my chest.`
{"label": "self-harm"}