kelaskan teks {harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn}, teks `What's the point of living if you won't get better?I've struggled with anxiety, depression, and OCD since I was very young. The first time I thought about suicide was when I was 6, and I'm 20 now. I've held out for this long without even attempting suicide, but now I feel like it's time. The thing is right now I'm going to therapy for my OCD, and I've had the realization that none of this might ever get better. My therapist told me as much, and I don't know if she's saying that to avoid reassurance (which is part of treatment protocol) or because it's common for people to just not get better, or maybe she thinks I won't get better. Either way, I'm convinced that I'm always going to be anxious and depressed, and I'm sick of living like this. Even if it improves marginally with treatment, it will still be bad. I don't understand why people try and tell me not to kill myself if it will help me, I don't understand the point of living if life sucks, and what's more I don't understand what the point of living is if it's such a fight to just feel normal.


Now, the problem with me here is that I have 2 modes: wanting to commit suicide and feeling like I don't have the means to do so, and not wanting to commit suicide but feeling like I have to. Right now I think I'm in the first camp, but it will probably change again by next week, which makes things harder to plan. The reason I haven't attempted so far besides this is because I'm pretty picky about how I want to die, but now I'm getting a little desperate. Ideally I'd like to shoot myself, but because the only guns I could get my hands on are in a safe in my dad's house (and I think it would be cruel to do it there), I'm thinking of going to a shooting range and turning it on myself before anyone notices. I think I could probably do it in time, but the only problem is that I don't know how feasible this is. I've shot before, (I mean, I'm no Annie Oakley but it's pretty hard to screw up point-blank) so that part shouldn't be too hard, but I've never been to a range so I don't exactly know what safety measures they have in place to protect against that sort of thing. However, I think the main roadblock is feeling bad about leaving my family and the fact that some poor minimum wage employee might have to clean the mess up, but then again if I'm dead would I even be able to care?


I don't know if this is what I'm supposed to post in this sub, and I'm not too sure why I'm posting this at all, but I guess I just want to put it out there. I think I'm trying to rationalize it. The more I think about it, the more the gun range seems like a pretty good idea. I actually just thought of that as I was typing, and now I'm feeling pretty good that I don't have to go with the other ideas I had, which most likely would have been more painful. I'm feeling a lot calmer after deciding on that, and I don't get why people wouldn't want that for me. I don't know, I hope no one finds this offensive or in bad taste, but this is how I feel. I don't really know what I'm looking for by posting this, but here it is.`
self-harm