teks: How can i help myself without the aid of friends?What are ways to cope with pain?

I dart between really dangerous ideas and obviously i cant tell friends about it, infact if i ever slip and do tell friends ill probably have to leave them and lose my support because i dont ever want them to feel manipulated. I know too many people that use suicide as a means on holding on to people and i refuse to do that, even if its necessary for me. But at the same time i just dont know how to deal with it, think trying out cutting a few months ago has me feeling like its the only way - i'm seeing counsiling this week but idk 

Im sorry if this is grim but i think i need some advice on how to deal with my issues without creating any more
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