classify text [gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis], text `Isolated, feel like a freak, dealing with overpowering urgesTL;DR: Lack of meaningful connections in life makes me feel empty, prone to sudden but strong feelings of suicide. 

The thoughts I've been having about suicide tend to grow in a snowball effect; I'll begin to contemplate the idea, and before I know it I'm dealing with very real and very scary urges to end it right there (I have no plan, but I worry as I've always had an impulsive side)
I don't want to die, it terrifies me. I want to be better more than anything, but as time goes along I see less and less of an alternative. In those moments when the urges are the strongest I'd do anything.

Recently I've been living abroad, where I spent 6 months almost in complete isolation. These months have taken a huge toll on me emotionally, and has basically worsened the general problems I've been dealing with all my life.

A bit of background information:
Went through periods of neglect and abuse as a kid, never gained any qualifications, dropped out of sixth form (British version of high school) 3 times. I was bullied mercilessly throughout my school years, and it seemed like every day I was reminded of the fact I was a freak and loner. I've yet to have one close friend. 

After I left,  I began to enter a cycle that I'm still repeating today, move somewhere new in search of a fresh start and the possibility of reaching out to new people who never knew me as the 'easy target' at school. 
However, I feel doomed to failure every time, as I'm a permanent outcast everywhere I go. 
I drop out, stop seeing people, start isolating myself and barely leave the house. Then I decide to escape by leaving for some other city/wherever. And so it continues. 

I really do like other people, I love spending time in company, and I really do want close connections with people but I just don't understand why I can't form these connections. I feel like I'm not fit for other people and I'm hindering them. I don't want to be the person everybody talks to out of pity, but I can't shake the feeling that this is who I am. I suppose I am a little naive and eccentric, but always the kid with their nose pressed up against the glass, watching other people's happiness from afar. 
I've had 3 relationships in my life, one ended up very toxic and all three relationships have ended before the 6 month mark.
I especially find myself intimidated yet wanting of friendship with women (purely platonic, I am a straight woman myself). I don't know, I just crack under the pressure of it, if that makes sense.

I've always been a huge fan of art and consider myself somewhat talented, and it has always been a huge boost of confidence, but lately I've barely even picked up a pencil. I'm worried I'm losing my touch, and I'm scared that I'm losing my one passion in life.

I'm kind of trailing off here, so I'll leave it at that, but I desperately needed to get my thoughts on paper (or typed out) for others to see. I just don't want to be the only person who knows anymore.
`, return in JSON {'label'}
{"label": "mencederakan diri sendiri"}