teks: I cant take it anymoreHello Im a suicidal 16-17 year old egyptian male and I had been diagnosed with ocd since I was 12 years old. my ocd at first was manifested with actions but soon it was gone when I was 14-15 years old. but soon it began to manifest in another way called "pure ocd" but back then I didn't realise it. I have a fear that Im a pedophile but I just don't realise it that I harm someone that Im incest etc.... but biggest thing im afraid of is that Im a pedophile and I just dont realise it. It got the point that I cant look at kids or even hild my little brother. the reason my mind keeps triggering it is because of these situations :

1 - when my father met his friend of work I was with him to meet his friends family including his daughter I was 15 at the time I thought she was pretty not knowing ger age and I didn't ask because I was taught it was "rude" to ask a female's name and I had a crush on her and I fetishised her when I jerk off but when asked her what is her age I thought she was gonna be 14 years... she was 12 and the worst thing about this that my grandparents told it's fine (egyptian culture is one of the worst considering pedophilia and some egyptian ppl are disgusting and it's ok for a 37 year old man to marry a 14 year old girl and said was an agenda and I almost believed it) and they thought that the crush is fine and I kept fetishising even after full knowingly that she is 12 and I'm 15 but I stopped having a crush on her cuz her mind was stupid eventho she looked like 14-15 and realized that pedophilia is manipulation

2 - when I was introduced to hentai I jerked off to all kinky stuff you name it (loli,slave,bdsm,rape,etc...) 

every time I remember those two incidents I get anxiety run through my vains that im one those disgusting creatures called pedophiles but im just denying... I CANT TAKE IT NO MORE IS IT JUST OCD AND PUPERTY OR AM I JUST A FREEK AND AM DENYING IT SAY IT LIKE IT IS.
kelaskan text [harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn]
self-harm