classify text [harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn], text `when you try to get help and none is given (14f)I know my home life could be worse. I know everything could be so terrible. But I can't take it. The only reason I haven't truly killed myself is because I'm scared of death and what it entails. 

I had a talk with my dad last night about how I was feeling. I straight up said I was suicidal. His response? "Well, when I was your age, I felt the same, you know how my mom was (she has schizophrenia)" Then he goes on to flip everything I  say back to him. He was trying to comfort me, I know, but it still stung that we couldn't just talk about how I felt for a while. 

I live in a trailer. A trailer that's unfinished. Half the carpet is torn up, my bed lies on the floor even when there's a frame literally sitting in my room waiting to be put together, our money is gone as quick as it comes and I hate myself. I've been in a homeless shelter, I've been in a motel, and I can say I'd rather be back at the homeless shelter right now. I hate it here. I hate my parents always arguing and screaming "fuck you" at each other right in front of one another. Look through my post history if you care about half the shit I deal with.

Today. A day after I told my dad how he felt. We drive to the bank, right? I asked him to take his car instead of his van so I could bring the dog. Well, bad for me, because we get to the bank and it turns out he left his phone in the van. The phone he needs to activate his debit card. Of course he's upset, I apologize even if he's not directly mad at me, and we drive home with me feeling like a piece of shit. Well, we get home, and he's pissed. He yells at my mom for using the dryer, since we have a clothes line outside and the electricity bill is high, is upset the AC is on when windows are open. My mom obviously gets upset and one thing leads to another, my dad is shouting "Fuck you!" to my mom and says he'll let the electricity turn off and storms out. Like he always does. And I feel like a piece of shit. 

They keep fighting. Every single week, they fight, and I hate myself. I had to pretty much beg for a few months to go to my orthodontist after we moved, and I hate my fucked up teeth. I hate my acne and I hate the shitty razors we get that leave me with fucking monkey legs. I hate living in this house with two toxic people who can judge me all the time but never sit and listen to hear about their own flaws. Yeah, I get it, you've been through shit and I could be in a worse position. But that gives you no right to compare my problems to "someone who has it worse" and blow me off after I say I WANT TO KILL MYSELF. I want to just fucking die so the pain stops. I want to enjoy drawing again, I want to make friends, I want it all to end. 

I've moved to a new town every year now for the past four years. I lost my only best friend who listened to me vent about life. Now I'm alone. Not even my father seems to be caring as much as he should. If he cared, he wouldn't of stormed out after I told him how it affects me. 

You know, I went to the ER a few weeks back after getting a really bad stomach bug. I *miss* the Er. The bed I had was nice and there was a TV for me to watch, and everyone was so nice and polite. I'm disgusted with myself.

I don't know what to do. I try to run away but always come back before they get worried, if they'd even notice I was gone. I took the dog out last night at 12:00 am and knocked on the door after they locked me outside. My mother's response? "I thought you were in your room." Of fucking course. I should just die before it gets worse like it has. I'm selfish, ungrateful, and undeserving of any of life. `
self-harm