classify text {harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn}

teks: I almost did it yesterday, don't know if I can get through todayBackstory I guess. I'm 17, graduated high school last year. I really don't know how I can possibly tell my whole story, I've tried to type it out three times now but it's too long and complicated. Here's the short version: I've been feeling depressed for a couple months now, recently my suicidal urges have gotten really serious, and yesterday I came really close to following through. 

I was planning on driving my car out to a secluded area, duct taping a vacuum cleaner tube to the exhaust and putting the other end through the window. I knew it would be relatively painless and wouldn't take long for the car to fill with fumes and me to pass out. I cleaned out my room, found anything that belonged to others and labelled it as such. I was about to leave, with a notebook and pen to leave a note, when I decided I couldn't put my family through that. 

However that reason is quickly giving away to the fact that the amount of suffering in my life has gone past my capability to deal with it. It's become a huge struggle just to get out of bed, and for the past few nights I've been staying up drinking and taking codeine pills to get away from it all. I know my problems aren't all that bad, I'm really just feeling sorry for myself, and that I'd feel better if I just went and did something. However, I don't feel like my life is worth living anymore, and I don't see myself getting out of this in any meaningful way. Even when I wasn't depressed, I never managed to follow through on any of the things I know I should be doing. 

So today is probably going to be it, I can't handle spending all day just thinking about this and crying in my room anymore. I pushed away the only person I felt comfortable talking to about this, and now I feel completely alone. I can't muster up the courage to tell any of my family how I feel, which is just more fuel for the voice in my head that tells me how pathetic and weak I am.
self-harm