teks `Just don't want to be me anymoreMy entire life I have felt like something was wrong with me and at this point in my life if things do not change soon I am just going to be done. I do not fit into a single place I go resulting in me being uncomfortable no matter where I am which is exhausting and causes me to isolate in my apartment. I do not have any friends who give a single shit about me besides my fiance but I am (as I have been told by multiple people) just dragging him down with me. I am unable to work because I am unable to function like every other person. I will get a job, be able to go for a few days, and then the meltdowns start. They are a mixture of panic attacks and utter frustration. I end up shaking and crying and usually throwing up from the panic but at the same time am so frustrated and angry with myself because I am so horrible I can't even manage a simple job. I have so much trauma in my past that I have very little memories from childhood and the ones I do have are hard to distinguish between reality and things I have said are "memories" that never actually happened and are just to occupy the space in my head. In the past two years I have been actively going to therapy every week, getting testing done, and trying medications to try and fix myself. While therapy has helped me cope in some ways, I do not see enough improvement to really think that it is helping me. Testing has proven to be a waste of time as every single time I go I am diagnosed with something new that doesn't fit my symptoms at all that just feels like a fucking band-aid of "let's try this i guess". Medication has been a fucking nightmare. I have adverse reactions to a lot of them and the only thing that has somewhat helped is stimulants but even then I do not feel normal in the slightest.

I am told constantly by family and those around me that I am just not trying hard enough, that I need to try harder and get over all of this and be like everyone else. It has gotten to the point where I don't know if they are ignorant or right. I feel like I have been doing everything I possibly can and none of it has helped or gotten me to a place of stability. I don't want to keep using everyone's time and money trying to fix myself if the fact is that I am never going to get better. I do not see a point in continuing any of this if things don't start to change. I cannot live my life like this, I am constantly at war with my own brain and everyone else. I am beyond exhausted and I just do not want to live if my entire life is going to be like this. It was supposed to get better once I moved out and was old enough to make decisions for myself but it turns out that I am just as useless as everyone said I would be.

I just want for once in my life to know why I am like this and how I can fix it. I want to be a better person and I want a life I feel like is worth living and right now I am not. It feels like absolutely no one has cared about me until now and now that someone does I am too fucking horrible to even try and get better for them. Everyone deserves a lot better than me if I do not get better soon I will be disappearing out of everyone's lives forever so they can move on and finally be happy.`, kelaskan texts {harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn} dan pulangkan dalam bentuk JSON {'kelas'}
{"kelas": "self-harm"}