teks `300 lbs diabetic chainsmoker I was diagnosed with diabetes 5 months ago, and had a heart attack a few days ago. I've been working up to this for years: not caring. But now its getting down to possible death and I want to make sure this is what I want to do. I like to eat and smoke. I've tried to quit, but its like chewing ground glass. I've got a nice juicy plaque in the artery that feeds half the heart. When that blows out I'm gone. I just hope it doesn't hurt too much. My heart attck was a little one, and it didn't hurt too bad. 
 I found something I like:
Mortality, mortality
You bitter hug of mortality I draw you near.
Tell the physician and the priest to go home.
If you want me again, you shall find me under your bootsoles.
You shall not know who I am, and hardly know what I mean.
Failing to fetch me at first, keep encouraged.
Pausing one place, search another.
I stop somewhere. Waiting for you.
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