teks `I constantly let my mental health mess with my life and now it may have cost me my career and my family. I want to dieSo the basics are that if I lose my job my family will disown me and I will likely be homeless. I’ve been sacked 3 times from previous jobs because of my depressive state but my current job is my dream career. I have been disowned by my family before and it was the worst time in my life, I had nothing to live for and the only person I had in my life was an abusive boyfriend who I had to stick with because without him I would have been all alone, cold and starving. I have suffered unbelievable trauma and as consequence, my mental health has been in tatters for about 7/8 years. I tried to kill myself when I was 14 and to this day, every time I look back on it, I always wish I’d have tried harder. 

So I took 2 weeks off work for my anxiety recently as the people I work with at my new job have not been welcoming at all, they’ve shut me out and blatantly ignore me all day (this is just 1 reason, among other factors) and because I have crippling anxiety it has just made it so so SO hard to cope at work. Because of this my managers have misread my anxiousness (despite knowing I have anxiety) for poor progress in my apprenticeship. 2 days after coming back from sick leave, I contracted COVID-19. I then had to have another 2 weeks off. I understand that this is a lot of time to have off work as a new employee (I’m only 4 months in) They have already previously extended my probation to the 3rd of Jan 2021 but now they have emailed me to attend a “formal hearing” this Tuesday, 24th Nov. I am so scared that I’m going to lose this job too. In the meeting I won’t even be able to explain/defend myself as my anxiety makes it so I cannot get any words out of my mouth, it’s like they get stuck in my chest which just leads to me either bawling my eyes out or having a panic attack. I am so depressed lately but this job is not something I can ever give up on. 

All I can think of during this time leading up to the meeting is how exactly I’m going to Kill myself once they sack me. I feel like I’m drowning, my body feels so sick, like it’s on shut down mode. If I lose this job my parents with disown me and I’ll have nowhere to live. I can’t live with that. I don’t want to be alone. Things had the potential to be so good and I messed it up, as usual. Oh, yeah, I also have 0 friends so there’s that, too.`, kelaskan texts {harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn} dan pulangkan dalam bentuk JSON {'kelas'}
{"kelas": "self-harm"}