kelaskan teks [harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn], teks `Managing depression for 10 years now and thought that I was doing well until last Monday.Quick back story: 38/m/Ireland. I was a competitive Powerlifter and represented my country on 2 occasions with great success. My life was lifting; setting goals, reaching targets, smashing PBs...all helped with creating a future for myself.

I started to feel unwell around December 2016 and developed a persistent, non-productive cough. Series of tests led me to an echocardiograph where it was discovered I was suffering Heart Failure. Dilated Cardio Myopathy caused by a viral infection, left my hearts function at 20%EF.

Apparently I had a few months to live if I hadn't caught it. Ironically, now, I wish they hadn't discovered it. My world flipped upside down. No Powerlifting, no excessive exercise, restricted fluid intake, no over exertion, meds for the rest of my life, regular reviews in my heart clinic, multiple ambulance emergency rides to A&amp;E when my heart goes irregular. Hospital, pharmacy, hospital, pharmacy... Seems to be my life for the past year.

Last Monday I snapped. It hit me. Everything I lost came crashing in on me. I got in my car, picked a place I knew well to ram my car into at 120mph. I was screaming at myself to do it. My left hand steering towards the end, my right hand steering me to survive. An image of my dog in my mind kept me on the road. I knew she'd miss me too much.

I'm still very low now despite all my meds. I still wish I had gone through with it. I still think of going to the Cliffs of Moher and jumping... What a beautiful place to end it. I'm dreading the road ahead because I know how Rocky it's going to be... Help me please.`
self-harm