classify text {harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn}, text `I'm too exhausted to keep trying.So here we are again. I've lost count of the amount of times I've completely broken down and felt the urge to throw myself off the nearest bridge and just be done with it. I'm so extremely tired, no matter how much I sleep I still want to close my eyes. I'd rather not wake up again. 

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I've given life my everything for the past year and a half. I was depressed and miserable and still got admitted to two top 30 public universities in the US. But since I can't get things together financially to make it work it's yet another dream so close yet so far away from my reach. Sometimes I wonder what I could accomplish if I just found peace of mind. I know I have a lot of potential, I'm self aware enough to realize that. 

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My 19 years in this world have been nothing but being abused, manipulated and lied to. Sometimes it becomes excruciatingly difficult to hold in my boiling rage. That's when I am most afraid that I'll snap one day and end the lives of those who've caused me to feel this miserable. 

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I'm tired of the existential crises at one in the morning, the mental breakdowns and the moments when I feel a glimpse of hope only to have all my willpower fade away a few hours later.

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I get up every day, put on a fake mask and go to work where I try to pretend that everything's alright for nine hours before I go back home, to a family that's done nothing but make my life a living hell, only to have to do everything over again the next day. 

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I can feel that I'm losing both physical and mental strength every single day that passes, nowadays I get tired from a mere ten push-ups. It's like I'm dying, probably on account of how I have no appetite, and the last time I had any energy to exercise was months ago.

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I just want to rest, I can't go on like this anymore.`
self-harm