kelaskan teks [gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis], teks `Unmedicated and fading.The onset of my mental illness was at the age of 15, and I’m 24 now. Over the past 9 years I’ve been through 4 hospitals and countless visits to therapy and doctors. 

Around 2017 I stopped going to the doctors completely. Since then I’ve mutilated my thighs to shreds, picked up the lovely habit of alcoholism, and I’ve nailed the coffins shut to every relationship I’ve ever had (all while avoiding medical treatment and hiding it from my loved ones). Best friends, gone. Family, gone. I haven’t left the house in 3 weeks. The only thing I care deeply for and allow in my company is my fluffy little sweetheart. I look after him more than I look after myself. In fact, this kitty is the only reason I’ve been getting through my every day. 

I’ve stopped picking up phone calls and I don’t answer when people knock on my door anymore. I’ve let everyone I love go. It’s been months now, to the point where it’d be too strange for me to pick up the phone and dial everyone that used to love me. There’s nothing positive to say to them. I’d hate to ring them up only to tell them I want to die and this could finally be it. They don’t need to carry that burden. 

There is a part of me that doesn’t want to feel this anymore, but I can’t do it by myself. There’s no one left to ask for help. 

It’s so lonely, and I’m not going to make it out alive someday. I’ll never feel good enough to allow myself the pleasure of friends, love, and medical treatment. 
Cheers. Bottoms up.`
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