classify text [gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis], text `I just want the hurt to stopMy husband and I have known each other since we were 5. We dated for 3 months, and then got married when I was 20 and he was 21. When I was a little girl I always thought being married would be so wonderful, I couldn't wait. I just wanted someone to make me feel beautiful, and special. I wanted to feel loved. We've now been married for 5 years. I don't feel special. I try and be the absolute best wife I can be. I do everything for him. I bring him home surprises. One year for his birthday I bought him a PS4 and some games, I spend all the extra money we had, just because I knew it would make him happy. I made sure to have pizza, and cake, and his friends. I wanted him to know that he was loved. In the 5 years we've been married, I do something sweet for him everyday. I want him to know that he's loved, I don't want him to feel like I do. The only gifts I've gotten from him since we've been married are flowers, because I told him that I didn't feel important, and a t-shirt for my birthday. He spends most days playing video games, uncaring that I hurt. He knows that I suffer from depression. I don't feel special. I dream of some freak accident where I die. 

Two days ago, I found out he's been looking at porn again. Since we've been married he's known that its a major deal to me. I'm very insecure, and to know that he's doing that makes me feel like I'm not good enough, that I'm not beautiful. Before we got married he promised me that he wouldn't ever do it, I had nothing to worry about. Last year, I found porn on my husbands phone. I took a time out, and went to visit a friend in Pittsburgh. He promised me never again, and I believed it. And then he did it again.

In the last year, I've never told him no. I've wanted to, but couldn't because  I was afraid that he would resort to looking at porn again. I know it sounds so trivial, but it really hurts me. He knows it hurts me. He knows it makes me feel like my heart has shattered into a million pieces. My parents and my best friend have told me that it's no big deal, that all guys look. I feel like if I was enough, he wouldn't. I don't. 

I'm tired of waking up everyday and feeling unappreciated. I make sure to tell him everyday how much I love him, and make him feel handsome. I go to a shitty job, that I hate. I don't feel like anyone would care if I killed myself. I've wanted to for a long time, but he's the only reason I've hung on this long. He isn't much of a reason anymore. My parents always tell me that he's the best I'll ever get, so just leaving and trying to find someone else isn't an option, and I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, so I'd rather just end the pain now, than continue to hurt. I just want to stop hurting.`
mencederakan diri sendiri