classify text {harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn}, text `I was depressed several years ago, thought I was ok but it all seems to come backLong story short, I had a fucked up youth which scarred me pretty badly.

I got my shit together and I thought I was on the right track again (this was 4 years ago).

However "lately" (past 6 months or so) I have been feeling horrible and back to the point of having suicidal thoughts. I cannot talk to people about my problems no matter how hard I try (tried several psychiatrists, etc.).

I hate my job as I get no recognition for anything I do, the hours are exhausting and I don't see any change in the future. I have applied for several other jobs but no reply or not qualified. Finance wise stuff is going down the shitter as well. I have all these "surprise" costs which makes my savings like a bucket with a hole in it. I am down to the last few 100 euros at the moment.

Luckily I have my girlfriend but, as stupid as it is because I know I am wrong, I can be such a dick towards her. She means it well but all my frustrations can get me irritated and I just work it out on her. Our relationship has been so tense and I have these weird thoughts of dumping her because we don't click anymore and crying when I'm alone about the thought she will leave me sooner or later because I am a nobody.


I have no friends (only drinking buddies), family is non existing (due to the problems/issues in my first sentence) and I feel so lonely a lot even though I like being alone.

I don't really know where I am going with this post and apologies for possible mistakes as English is not my first language. It's just sort of weird how I am (back) at the phase where killing myself does not scare me and calms me down in some sort of way knowing I could end all this misery/be at peace with one little act`
self-harm