teks: I'm ashamed of myself.I have always thought of myself as dying young. I have always said I'll never make it passed 22. I'm 19 now. But for a couple of months now it has been coming clear that my death may be, quite possibly, a suicide. I see myself dwindling. I just see no future in me. I feel like I won't ever be able to accomplish anything that I've set myself to do. I was diagnosed with depression and generalized anxiety at 16. But my parents wouldn't have it. They told the Dr he was crazy so Ive gone on with life. Sometimes I do feel content but most of the times I just feel empty. And it doesn't get better it just goes away temporarily and comes back, worse. I remember myself as a 5th grader and I was so close to killing myself then, I was bullied, my parents were constantly fighting and I felt as if i had caused my dog to get ran over. The reason I didn't then was because before the whole ordeal I cried and asked God for a sign not to and then I saw, what appeared to be Jesus. That was when I was religious or thought I was. Now I don't feel I have a God. Or anyone to protect me. I was bullied during freshman year of hughschool. My close friend died a little over 2 years ago and my best friend moved away to college 2 years ago and my other friends just disappeared. I don't really talk to my parents. So I can't go to them and I'm tired of looking crazy. I'm tired of being myself because I'm just ashamed of who I am and I will never be who I want to be because I cant. I can't do anything without shaking or hyperventilating and I can't sleep, I don't eat. My body is trying to kill itself and perhaps it's for the best.
kelaskan text [harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn]
self-harm