teks `I haven't cared if I live or die for a long time.Prefacing this with, I'm wasted as fuck and yes this is a throwaway account.

I wish I was dead, but I'm too cowardly to end my own life thus far.  I know the day will come that I will have the courage and it will be a wonderful day when the pain ends.

I see my suicide as inevitable, and I have for years.  Since a very young age I've figured I'd kill myself before the age of 30..  I've had beautiful, amazing girlfriends, great friends who I thought would be there for a lifetime.  In the past year or so I've lost/destroyed almost all of those relationships.  I've had no real personal contact in the last 6+ months.  I just go to the job I hate, tolerate the people I work with, and casually speak to the family members I live with.

The money I've saved gives me a sense of security and independence, I do not want to spend every cent on my convoluted and complicated mental problems as that would make me feel even more worthless.

Things I've tried.  I've tried to exercise my problems away, drink my problems away, game my problems away, smoke (weed) my problems away.  I hate my job, it's an obligation.  If I were go to college for a career it would just be another obligation.  Spending 4 years to do another job I hate, so why fucking bother.  To keep up with the rat race?  To buy more things I don't need?  To have more money I don't need?  I already have money and it's done nothing for my happiness.

I almost died tonight on my motorcycle because I was a distracted idiot.  I wish they wouldn't have slammed on their brakes and spared me.

TL:DR, convoluted drunk post that doesn't really say anything of substance.

Additions:

I've been reading this reddit for months, I've seen a rare few I can relate with but nothing anyone has ever said in this reddit has made me feel any better or given me hope.  I honestly don't know why I'm posting this beyond desperation and wanting to be heard. 

The other night I took a near fatal overdose of generic tylenol pm.  Not with any intention of suicide, just because I don't give a fuck.  I rarely sleep well and I wanted a good nights sleep and maybe a good high.  If I had never woken up that would've been a plus.  I can not explain to you why I took so many.

 I'm tired most the time, and I see no reason to keep on.  And eventually I will end my life on my own terms unless something incredible happens that gives me a reason to bother.`, kelaskan texts [harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn] dan pulangkan dalam bentuk JSON {'kelas'}
{"kelas": "self-harm"}