classify text [harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn], text `I think I'm gonna die aloneThe thought that, I'm gonna die alone haunts me from my childhood. Idk how to feel about it. Should I be sad? Is this not a proper way to think? Even if I worry about this, nothing will change anyway. Or is it in my hands to change it? Even if I find someone, there is no assurance that, they won't leave me or this world the next day or even the next second. It seems like, accepting is the only way to deal with it. Some tell me that, I'll have myself with me. How I'll tell them? That idk who tf I am or what I want. Is it my fault, that I haven't gotten anyone yet? Am I a bad person for wanting someone? Am I insane for hating the reality and finding shelter in my fantasy world? Why am I here in the first place? I never wanted this. I never gave permission for my parents to bring me into this shit-show. Wtf? 

I hate this. I hate my parents and myself. Wish I could appreciate this life, but how could you appreciate things that you don't want? I'm given this life, yes. But that is not an enough/ valid reason for me to appreciate it. I'm stuck here. I'm trying to survive with the illusion of having a better tommorow, or the chance of finding love etc. The illusion is called as hope, by many people. And I don't like it either. It doesn't do anything other than prolonging the suffering. Wish I could take myself out. But, the survival instinct wouldn't let me to do that too. I'm not scared of dying but the pain it brings. I don't wanna die tbh. I don't wanna live either. If I could, I would sleep this life away. But that's not possible. 

Idk why I wrote this. Just wanted to let it out I guess. Hope you have a good day :)`
self-harm