teks: I don't know what to do.First and foremost, for the past 18 years of my life, I have lived in a similar situation to another user who has recently posted here. All I had to worry about was school and home. I went to school, came home, and played games until I was tired enough to go to sleep. I passed highschool with flying colors, and graduated at the top of my class with better than average test scores and such. Just after graduation, I enrolled in a local university planning to go full time, and eventually get a part time job. Recently, however, things have changed.

I always run from my problems, and distract myself until they go away.

For most of my life, I have lived with my grandmother on my mom's side. She was the sweetest and most down to earth person someone could ever meet. She basically raised me herself. As of recent, though, she has passed away. What this made me feel would constitute another post itself. Though it coupled with the rest of this post has really made me feel terrible, to the point where I barely have the motivation to change ny clothes more than once a week.

Nevertheless, that event started a chain reaction that led to now. Essentially, time to start college has passed, and I am putting it off for a semester at the least, because I am now in the situation where I have to get a job. I decided that I would live in the same house that I lived in with my grandmother, and a close friend would move in as a roommate.

The next thing you need to know is that I have a hard time in social situations. My grandmother was never one to go out to social events, have large get togethers, etc, and, as a result, neither was I. For me, though, it's evolved to the point where I feel sick to my stomach even thinking about calling to check on my applications (all of which I've done online), much less interviewing for a position. This has been my situation for weeks.

Today, my mom's significant other, who is very stuck in his ways, and the only father figure I've had in several years, called me to check up on everything. He told me what I needed to do, which is get up and go look for jobs, and he's right. I can't just do that though. I'm not wired like that.

Couple that call with another, just an hour later, where he basically tells me to completely change my appearance. Go and cut my hair, trim my beard, etc, to look more presentable. (I have a Grizzly Adams aesthetic). I know he's right on that front as well, but I wouldn't even know where to go to get a haircut, much less have the ability to walk in and get one. (I'm aware of how that sounds).

After that call, I laid in bed, cried, and thought. I just feel cornered, stuck between a want and need to improve and the inability to do so. I've run out of room to run, haven't found the key, and the walls are closing in. I have nowhere to turn, no confidant. I don't know what to do, and, as the hours pass, it just becomes harder.
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