kelaskan teks [harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn], teks `I have done so many things I have to live with, I lost everything, I just don't feel like being here, I told my ex I am still in love with him and now he is ignoring meMe and my ex didn't have that great of a relationship. We were definitely off and on, we got into fights constantly, honestly idk why I still love him. He did some physical and mental abuse things, I did too. When he broke up with me I went off the deep end. I looked for a "sugar daddy" and what I found was a cocaine dealer. I got into coke, I was an accessory to his crime by driving him around and bagging up product. I let him control me. I slept with 4 different men in not even a 2 week period. Any guy that showed interest in me. I quit my job right when they were getting proud of me and were going to offer me more hours and train me in other departments. I was promised another job by the coke dealer, but was let go a month later. I distanced myself from my roommate and all she tried to do was help me. She snooped in my room while cleaning it and found my empty cocaine baggies and cigarette butts. She kicked me out, as I was moving out I was huffing dust off and driving. I passed out and crashed my car. Now I have a $25k hospital bill, which is crap, but I have been dodging the bill collectors. I am not even 21 yet and I have all this bullshit. I found another sugar daddy, I am sitting in his house as i type this. He is almost 3x my age and I feel stuck here. I have no money, no car, no job. I don't even have the motivation to get a job. I've been selling my things to buy weed because I am afraid to do harder stuff and I don't even know where to get it, but I am addicted to drugs. I know you cannot physically be addicted to weed but psychologically. I took a bunch of cough syrup and just threw up but kept drinking it. The only thing that keeps me from just doing it is the stress and heartache it would put on my mom, and leaving my cat and dog behind. How am I suppose to move on in life, grow up and maybe even raise a family having all this fucked up nasty shit I did to myself over a messed up relationship? I know my exes password for facebook and I snoop every so often, I know that's messed up but he is not dating a girl who I am friends with and now I have to see how happy they are. He is taking her to some hotel resort, they've been dating for only a few months, he is spending $400 on that plus a gift, it took 2 years for him to buy me something even $300. He took her to places he promised to take me but never did. I feel like just offing myself as I write this. I just cannot get over this. Please help me`
self-harm