classify text [gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis]

teks: I fucked up a friendship of 12 years, and am seriously contemplating jumping off a bridge somewhererecently I have discovered a manipulative side of me. I dont realize when I'm doing it and then afterwards when the damage is already done is when I get that "oh shit," sinking feeling in my heart. I hate myself for it. The people around me would be better off if i wasn't here. 
This friend I mentioned in particular always gave me a listening ear. It was to the point where every conversation was my personal therapy session even though she couldn't handle my shit, but I didn't realize that because she never told me to "shut the fuck up, I cant handle you right now" or whatever. 
Now for the shit topping on the shit cake. I have ocd and when she didn't text me for a couple weeks ( because she was done with my shit ) I went absolutely nuts, and came up with the worst conclusions. ( ie, "she hates me," "what if shes dead?" Etc ) I even went as far as to contacting her fucking parents like a crazy ex. 
Somehow, she agreed to talk to me so I can explain. Whatever trust and kindness she has left for me is going into this explanation and I cant fuck it up. I'm afraid of being a manipulative prick while apologising or saying something stupid or going to the extreme. I'm afraid she won't contact me at all or decide to never talk to me again. Now I'm waiting anxiously for her to contact me, whenever that will be. Months? Weeks? 20 fucking 30? She deserves much, much better than a piece of shit like me.
mencederakan diri sendiri