teks `I'm currently 17 years old and I don't think I will ever be happy...I'm currently 17 years old and I don't know what to do anymore with my life, I just don't know what to do anymore.

I live within a group pretty big of friends (we are around 14) but the thing is, when you have so many friends, it's really hard to find a close one, to find someone where you'll talk everyday, have fun everyday, etc. I always wanted a best friend (my best friend went to Japan when I was 10, although he's going to return here to Brazil by november).

I also always wanted a girlfriend, like really, I always wanted someone to love me, to make me feel important, to make me feel well, I had terrible crush experiences in the past and I felt that I would never had a girlfriend, there was no reason to a girl like me, and guess what? I currently have a girlfriend, 7 months in, she really cares for me, loves me, makes me feel one of the most important person in the world, she even gave me TONS of love letters, gave me a shirt, one picture frame with us for me to put in my bedroom, an pendant with the letter "L" (both of our names start with "L"), and a lot of candies (she knows I don't like chocolates) for Valentine. And guess what? I still feel like shit. I'm so insecure of everything, I don't have any reasons to doubt about her, I have seen everything of her, and I know she's not a bitch or anything, but I always have problems of her cheating with me, or I ending up losing her somehow. I guess this would be what you could call being "possessive", I really am trying to be better, I really try to, but I can't, I just fucking fail to be a man worthy of her, to not disrespect her in any way.... I have suffered from depression, and still do, this led me to being possessive with my girlfriend, and I'm scared because I can't stop being possessive no matter what I try, even though It's obvious she won't give me up, since she really loves me. I also have started to go to therapies, taking medications (although they are weak and doesn't really help me.

I'm weak and skinny, I weigh around 50kg (that would be around 110 pounds) and I just CAN'T get fatter, my metabolism is really crazy and no matter how much I eat, I can have like 7 meal per day and still I will hardly get fatter. And I can't grow muscle at all, because, well, I just give up going to the gym after a while, this leads to the next thing I want to get off my chest...

I just don't have motivation to do anything, like, one day I might have a sudden burst of motivation to do something really good (go to the gym, like I previously said or being good at something, ie drums, guitar, sport, competitive videogames) and I do start my projects, but after a week or so, I will lose all the motivation I had, my therapist said that I always used to have everything being easy easy for me, so when a challenges appears (like, getting good at videogame or learning guitar) I will end giving up. But it's been like this for YEARS, and I can't do anything, I can't maintain a routine, I can't mantain a healthy lifestyle because of this. I installed an app that would remind me to drink water everyday each hour (because I rarely remember to) and in the first 2 weeks, I was doing fine, just like the schedule, now I don't give a fuck for it anymore, I just gave up... This also really affects my grades in highschool since I create a routine to study everyday and do well on the exams, and guess what? I give up doing that too.... And the hardest part I just can't help with it, I can't help with it at all... I try my best to not lose motivation, but I just end up losing...

Sometimes, suicide thoughts appear in my head, and I end up considering it... Only thing stopping me is how devastated my family and my girlfriend would be if I did commit to it...`, kelaskan teks guna labels [gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis]
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