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teks: I want to die but don't want to cause a fussI've been struggling with depression for the past 15 years, and it's becoming progressively more difficult for me to see a future where I can live without this pain constantly dragging me down. I've never attempted before (most of my suicidal bouts amount to me wanting to just spontaneously stop existing) but with everything happening in the world and my personal life right now it's starting to sound like a better idea.

I've almost called a crisis line several times the past couple weeks because while I'm currently stuck living with my mother and siblings again, I don't want to let them know I feel like this. Nine times out of ten I end up having to comfort my mother and be responsible for her feelings even though the conversation was supposed to be about my current issues. But I also don't want to call the line, have my feelings invalidated and end up feeling worse. And I don't want to tell my friends because I feel like I complain enough to them about my life. And I don't want them worrying because I'm 10 hours away from them all right now.

I just want to stop feeling like this.
self-harm