teks `Am I really suicidal if I’m afraid to die?Hi. I’m pathetic. I’ve had suicidal thoughts for almost a decade now. I’ve tried the works- therapy, medication, mediation, fitness, burying myself in hobbies, socializing. I’ve also attempted suicide before, but it was half-assed and unsurprisingly failed. So I’m still here, feeling like this. And whenever I try to talk about how I feel with the people I trust in my life, they never seem to take me seriously. I think that they acknowledge my mental illness(es), but they truly don’t believe that I’ll ever commit suicide. And maybe they’re right. I haven’t been able to in the past. And I suppose the thought of death still scares me when it comes down to it. Does that mean I don’t really want to die? 

Because I hate being alive. I feel disgusting. I feel like the future is so bleak, and the thought of continuing on like this for years and years to come is suffocating. Like swimming through a sea of tar. I made a noose and sat there with it around my neck and I just couldn’t do it. And now I’m sitting here feeling so defeated and pathetic. Why am I like this? Too fucking weak to fucking try harder to have a better life, but also don’t have the courage to just end it. 

I’m terrified that I’ve become one of those people who cry suicide but have no intention to follow through. I hate people who act as though suicide is a threat. I’ve always felt they made a mockery of mental health and detracted from the experiences of those who truly suffered. Is that what I am? Because as much as I’m afraid of dying, the idea of death fills me with such a sense of peace. So why am I so fucking scared?`, kelaskan teks guna labels {harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn}
self-harm