classify text {gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis}

teks: everything feels pointlessbackground: been struggling with depression, suicidal thoughts, self harm and an eating disorder since i was about 13 (18 now).

i’ve been fighting all of this for so long and i just feel like im not getting anywhere. i recently hit my longest streak of being clean from self harm (i was 6 months clean) but i broke it on monday. for the past 5 years ive constantly heard that it will get better, but its only been getting worse and im losing hope. the way ive been living my life just makes me feel so fucking pathetic and my life feels so pointless. im an entirely worthless human and i dont see a point in trying anymore. i have an absolutely terrible relationship with my parents because im nowhere near good enough for them (they never fail to remind me how much of a disappointment i am, and how much better their lives would be if i wasn’t around) and i know for a fact my 2 best friends would be better off without me. i think i’d be doing everyone a favour if i were to kill myself, in all honesty. things just keep going wrong for me and im tired of trying to make them right. i just moved away from my city for university and im so unhappy and alone here. currently in university for social work but, like my mother said on the phone the other day, “youre gonna be a shit social worker. youre too fucked up to even help yourself, so youre just wasting your money.” and im starting to think she has a point, if i cant even be okay myself, how am i gonna be able to help others in the same/similar situation? 

so i made an agreement with myself. if in the next week i dont get some sort of sign or find a reason to live, i’ll end it. and i dont think im gonna find that reason, because there arent any for me. 

(sorry for formatting, im on mobile.)
((also sorry if this is kinda all over the place,  i can hardly organize my thoughts right now))
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