teks: Well I fucked up today tooYesterday I messed up my relationship with my best friend. I made a post on that already so I won't repeat it but today I have a new problem. 

There was a guy who asked me out but it turns out that he was joking about it. I accepted and I can't play it off as a joke because I said that I seriously meant it. I feel like such a failure right now. I know that my emotions are amplified by teen angst but it just hurts so fucking much. At least with the best friend thing I went numb after a few hours but the shit I'm going through now has been here for 8 hours now. 

I wish that I never existed in the first place. If I die now my mom will be heartbroken and I don't want her to go through anything. She deserves so much better than me. I wish I could be the daughter she could look at and be proud of. I know she loves me but sometimes I wish she didn't. I want to disappear and never come back. 

This entire school year has been shit actually. I don't understand a god damn thing and my parents want to take me to a tutor. I want to get a tutor but why do they cost so fucking much? $120 per month. While we aren't exactly poor we don't have enough money to spend freely. 

Honestly, the only reason I'm still alive is because I don't want my parents' time to go to waste. I just want everything to be okay again. 
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