kelaskan teks [harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn], teks `I'd rather die than disappoint my family, but I will disappoint my family if I dieA decision that will literally make or break my future will be decided next week. The people in charge of the final decision have already told me that the odds are extremely against my favor. 

I met them in person to explain my situation. Admittedly, I lost my professionalism. I cried. I begged. They didn't look like they cared. I was foolish for breaking down, I don't know why I fucking broke down like that. 

If they revoke me, I will face the (well deserved) wrath of my family. I don't want to, I would rather die than tell them I was revoked. I don't know how to properly express how much pain I am in. 

But if I die, my family will be worse than devastated. I was always the trouble child. This will the worse thing I can do to them.  Dying will be selfish. 

I don't know how to keep myself afloat. Why is life so unfair? I want the pain to fucking. stop. 

I would had been immediately been accepted to this program had it not been for my latest depressive episode. I can't believe myself for allowing myself to be so irresponsible. 

The odds are against me. They told me not to get my hopes up. I don't think they believed my situation. I'm most definitely going to get revoked and then I'm going to have to kill myself. 

Why does life throw so much pressure on us? I'm already so fucking weak. My life is decided next week and I'm dreading it. 

If I'm accepted, my life will be made. I will have access to therapy and medication again. But I'm most likely going to get rejected. Hell, I probably already was rejected, they just wanted to let me down easy. I don't think I can continue. I'm so sorry to my family. `
self-harm