teks `My take on why this subreddit is great but like there's no one size fits all so some forced positivity is to be expected and that's not a bad thing.TLDR at bottom.

Being depressed or suicidal is a lone battle and it will always be. He who experiences life, who ponders about life's worth and who faces the concept of suicide will know.

Suicide is a tabboo topic. One which will not be discussed or explored in any meaningful way in most conversations. Instead, when attempting to discuss it, since most people have not been exposed to the topic, or are repelled by it, as it is tabboo, will not know how to answer. In this case, forced positivity is very common. Stuff like "It'll get better" is a classic. And honestly, we can't blame them. For lack of knowledge on how to help, at least they're not trying to make it worse. I'll call this the mainstream safety net.

Well, I've avoided this mainstream safety net all my life. Or at least, ever since I became depressed 8 years ago. When I was but a teenager growing on an overprotective household. Everything was done for me. I just had to get up, study, and not embarrass myself. But then, of course, I was lied to. I was manipulated. I was given false hopes. I was prohibited of going out most of the time. I really started despising my caregiver for everything she was depriving me of. And this... this really hit me.

I couldn't confide in anyone in the house. I couldn't confide in anyone outside the house. So of course, I turned my attention inward. By this point I was still deluded that being given the opportunity to study and get a good job in the future would make me happy, whatever that is. Looking back, that now seems foolish on multiple levels. But having nothing else to do, this hope, however small, kept me going. Kind of like why people join religions. Which I respect.

Eventually I somehow reached the conclusion that this person who was supposed to take care of me was not deserving of me. And it was all downhill from there. At least mentally.

I knew suicide was a very real consideration. I was scared of it. But I couldn't confide in anyone. So I searched the web, looking for answers. Should I do it? Shouldn't I do it? What happens when you die? Is heaven real? Everything I found were either articles explaining that depression could be caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, and endless lists of why one shouldn't commit suicide. And that is fine, I guess. But I really wanted to find an article which gave reasons to do it. Quite literally, I was searching for external approval to justify something. I'm not saying I'd do it if I found such an article, but I really wanted to feel like It's not such a stupid thing to think, given the circumstances.

This may seem like an stupid comparison but it's like searching for ways to be rich and every article being like: "labour is so cool" or "if you're rich, you'll never fear being homeless. Where's your incentive to work then?".

I eventually found a book which considers suicide as a real option when life gets really bad. It contained information like "if you're life was shit until you're 90, but then it becomes slightly better than neutral until you die at the age of a 100. Would it make sense to top yourself right now at the age of 30?" Probably. The problem is we can't have a graph with the future information readily available to reach these conclusions.

However, that's not really important. The release of not being exposed to the mainstream safety net put my feet in the ground. Up until I found the book, I thought I was crazy for having these thoughts. It just so happens that society has too much of what I call toxic positivity. It leaves all of us with negative thoughts thinking we are stupid, when that is not necessarily the case.

For example, someone who has accepted the mortal aspect of our existence may very well be better equipped to negotiate a raise in the company. What's the worse that could happen? Die? Sure, this thought process may be a bit reckless, but you won't get anywhere by being complacent all the time, like I've been.

What I mean is, if you've ever been depressed, or have contemplated suicide, than maybe you're familiar with the concept of accepting mortality. And like a good chess player, who not only plans his best move, but that if his opponent, accepting mortality gives you new branches to explore and maybe make better decisions.

So, if you're lover says they don't love you anymore, instead of feeling sorry and trying to keep the relationship, leading to more lies and manipulation, you can now perceive that ending it may not be that bad. And maybe you can find someone better. And although it may hurt right now, what's the worse that could happen?

PS: Sorry if this doesn't make sense. Also note that this is not meant to be a pro-suicide post. If you really want to do it, perhaps you could try continue living, even if in a different way. What's the worse that could happen?

PPS: I'm also trying to make sense of things so criticism is more than welcome.

TLDR: Boring philosophical stuff.`, kelaskan texts [gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis] dan pulangkan dalam bentuk JSON {'label'}
{"label": "mencederakan diri sendiri"}