kelaskan teks [harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn], teks `Existing is ExhaustingHi there!  
This is my first time post something on reddit.

I'm neither happy nor sad. I don't have any feeling.  
I'm not tired or hopeless. I'm dealing with Major depression since I was 9. I'm a warrior for 22 years.

I stuck at home for several months. Internet is the only place for me to talk to another people or friends. My friends kicked me from their chat groups. They think I'm annoying. Some of them left me behind cuz I'm ***"TOXIC"***.  
You know I was always the cheerful guy in our gang and **when the cheerful guy can't laugh anymore, he becomes useless.** So yeah they throw me away cuz I can't laugh or make them laugh like before.  


Btw do you play video games? I'm a hardcore gamer! **Fighting -with depression- is the most valuable lesson video games thought me!**  
But sometimes you play a game for hours. You've done most quests and unlock achievements and then you feel like *"That's enough. I don't feel like play it anymore."*

The game has high rated Metacritic . But you just don't like to continue. You like to play another game. Even if you only have this game on your library, you prefer not to play.  
You know there are still some quests and maybe you'll watch the best CG ending but you don't like to continue. You're not tired. You just think It's enough!  


**This is how I feel.**  
My life is already a battlefield. I fight with depression and protect myself. Government and Covid and family make thing even more worse.  
It's fun. It's not perfect but it's good enough.  
The problem is I don't want to play anymore. **"It's enough"!**`
self-harm