classify text [harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn]

teks: I'm back on here... Again.I know, it's kinda sad and low-key pathetic that I have to post on Reddit to get the support I need. Truth be told, I'd take the strangers over the internet than the people in my real life any day. Y'all don't judge me for being suicidal 24/7. You don't call me a disappointment. I don't know. I don't even have the energy to type this thing out. I'm just broken way beyond repair at this point. It's like in exhausted. I want to give up but can't due to the people around me. I know all of them wish the best for me but I just can't take it. I never really was the academically gifted child that my sister was. I was always told, "not to compare the both of you but look at her, she studies and achieves way more than you ever did." By my parents all the time. I'm currently writing the last exam of my school life. (I have one exam left to be done with school as a whole.) I just cannot handle the pressure that these people put on me. There are my relatives who are amazing. They go around asking people for details on which college I could go to. But I just can't seem to do anything to compliment that. I really do try my best to study, work hard and make it better for them at the very least. Today however, was the end of the line for me. My parents, I don't even know what they want at this point. One second they be like, you need marks. Then also follow up with marks aren't everything literally the next. One moment they seem to like what I do in Photoshop/Blender. The next, it's a waste of time. it's incredibly frustrating. I just give up. Another, more personal reason is see, there's this girl I like who rejected me (you might be wondering, again dude? Seriously, get over her. You've talked about killing yourself over her like twice already. It's getting old at this point.) Please hear me out though. We recently reconnected, after a few fights and we're friends now. Now idk why but whenever I see her happy, it just kills me on the inside like getting impaled by a blunt knife in your eye and getting slashed on your wrists with a shard of glass all while bleach being poured on your wounds. In an odd way though, it also brings me happiness. To see her finally happy, it kills me but it also brings a little bit of happiness. Now, do I really want her, yes. Would I give anything to be with her, absolutely, I'd give anything up for her in a heartbeat but, it's never meant to be. I just cannot come to terms with that. It's one of those things where my intuition just be like, she's going to be your significant other some day, but my brain tells me to stay away from her. My heart still pines for her though. 

Bleh, anyways, sorry for wasting your time.
self-harm