teks: I heavily made out with a FWB (FIRST TIME EVER) and I feel so much shitI am an ex muslim woman in my late twenties. I was raised, bred and still live in an Arab Muslim country. I have spent my whole life a kissless hugless virgin and then recently I met this European guy, who is a sweet person and likes me back but in a friendly way not a romantic one, and I heavily and hardcorely made out with him. Although it was kinda of a fling and I knew it from the beginning and was perfectly fine with it. But the moment he said he is ok with me seeing other people and that he doesn't want any relationship, I felt so cheap, stupid and that I have ruined myself not for the sake of love but for sake of my horniness and sexual frustration. How could i do this? How could I betray my parents and community and go against what is seen as pious especially when i live in a muslim country among the muslims. Maybe if I was raised or was living in a western country I wouldn't have felt that because the community would have accepted me but no I live in a Muslim country where I'd be looked down and have my entire reputation and my family's ruined if it got out.

What kills me the most is that I am literally stuck here. I tried getting out of the country but I am failing hard at it. So my chances of meeting someone is ridiculously low because everyone around me is a Muslim.

What double kills me is that it is impossible to find hardcore ex Muslims, and westerns who are willing to settle down. Even if I found someone, it would most likely take so many dates with different men, dramas and tons of make outs which would leave me feeling cheaper and cheaper and cheaper. Also, add that I am a very unlucky person in the dating life even when I was a Muslim.

I feel that I should have stayed a Muslim then maybe I would have found someone and would not have cheapened myself like that but it is too late since I don't believe in Islam and I hate it, and also since I made out with a guy I am not married to, drank alcohol and engaged in blasphemy. People like me are worthless cheap whores in the eyes of my community.

I feel I have worn the Scarlet letter and suicide for me has become an option.
kelaskan text [gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis], bagi dalam JSON {'label'}
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