classify text [harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn], text `Seeking help/adviceI'm 23 years old. 

All things considered, I have such a spoiled and entitled life. My family immigrated to the U.S. when I was 8, and last year I graduated from college. Both my parents work their asses off for our home to become a stable middle-class family. Nothing really particular happens within my home and everything seems ok from the outside. 

I don't think I've always been depressed and suicidal. In college I majored in philosophy, which allowed me to gain new insight and perspective on life. I especially latched onto the existentialist movement, wherein the principle of life as inherently meaningless and full of suffering seemed especially attractive to me. I do not want to blame my academic interest as the reason I am here. It's just that my nihilistic tendencies sprung out from these experiences. Throughout college, I also developed a drug addiction. Marijuana, xanax, cocaine, psychedelics. You name it, I've done it and then some. 

Fast forward and it's been a year since I graduated. I've been prepping full time for law school, given that my major did not lead me to instant employment and the consensus within my family was that I go down this path. But while studying for the LSAT, I have come to the realization that I may not be cut out for this. The problem is that I have no other option, and I am running out of time. Everyone around me is making it in one way or another. I dread waking up everyday and having to be in my body. I feel like an immense failure. I want to leave. 

Literally the only thing that is holding me back is the guilt I will cause my loved ones. Just the thought of how bereaved my parents and girlfriend would be if I were to commit suicide is unbearable. This tension has been tearing me apart for a while now. Truly a catch-22.

This is my first time reaching out to the reddit community. I hope that you all could provide me with some helpful advice, seeing that I cannot and will not talk about this with anyone close to me. I appreciate your time`
self-harm