classify text {gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis}

teks: I understand murder-suicide.The only reason I am still alive right now is because of my kids.  My wife is strong and she'll pull through. I can't fuck her life up any more than I already have. But my kids. I know that having their dad dead, and dead in this way, will fuck them up more than I could possibly do by staying alive. The only reason I am alive is because I understand the pain that I would leave behind. I wouldn't wish the pain i am going through on anyone else, ever. But if we all die together then at least the ones I care about the most wont be in pain. Because it will be over. (And to any religiously motivated responders, No, there is nothing after we die.) Yah, I know there will be a ripple and the people beyond my immediate family will be hurt. But I don't really care about them as much and they don't really care about us as much. They'll get over it. So i understand it. In a twisted way it's the only logical solution when it comes to ending my pain and minimizing the pain I leave behind.
 
But I won't ever do that. I am only saying that I understand now why some people do it. I have this fucking moral compass or something that says it wouldn't be fair to them if I ended their lives too. They deserve the chance to be happy. And it isn't fair to them for me to die either. Because then they wouldn't have their dad. And somehow I know that is important.

But that makes my pain all the worse. I am trapped in a paradox from which there is no reprieve. It will never be better. It will never let up. It will never change. There will only be periods where I manage it better. Where I can keep a smile for a few minutes longer. Where things seem to be on the way up and life is totally awesome for a moment. But it never fails that as soon as that happens, as soon as I think things are actually OK, My karmic ass is going to get whipped and the illusion I had of happiness or satisfaction will be shattered. And the reality of the piece of shit I am will stare me back in the face. What the hell did I ever do to deserve to be like this? How is it that I could have fucked things up so badly along the way that this is where I am now? Nobody deserves this pain. Nobody deserves to feel this way. But here I am. Here it is. It is not fucking fair to me either and I am so sick of it. 

Every choice I make is wrong. Every thing I do makes things worse for my family. And if I go through with the only thing that will bring me any rest it will be the one thing that utterly destroys my poor boys. I can't do go on anymore and I can't end it either. But the day is coming where the pain is going to be too much to bear and it will win. And I am scared shitless for how my boys are going to get through it.

Somebody PLEASE tell me that their dad killed himself and they were ok in the end. Please tell me that I can let go of this forsaken life. , return JSON {'kelas'}
{"kelas": "mencederakan diri sendiri"}