kelaskan teks {harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn}, teks `Nearly crashed my car after having light suicidal thoughts, what the fuck happened?I'm not quite sure if I'm right in this sub with my concerns but I don't know where else to post. I'm struggling with a few things from time to time in my life, like everybody else I guess and sometimes I think about suicide. But not in a way like I'm actually planning to kill myself, it's more like I enjoy the thought of being able to opt out if my life gets unbearable, but I don't really believe It will come that far. It's also like some kind of unconscious thoughts, so I suddenly think "I could throw myself in front of the bus" when a bus is passing by, even if I'm not really in a bad mood at that time. I don't see any problems in that, to be honest.

Then something really strange happened. I was driving a car, I did not sleep very good the night before by I wasn't feeling very tired after all. When I'm driving car I sometimes think about just driving off the road, into a tree, something like that, but without really planning to do it. A little bit like in the Fight Club Movie, you know? But it's more like my thoughs just wander. But a few days ago I suddenly had something like a mini-blackout. I'm pretty sure it was not an accidental nap, because, like I said, I was not really feeling tired at all and I had those moments where I nearly slept while driving before, so I know how it feels. So I got this mini-blackout for a few seconds and it just ended the moment my car hit a low wall between the highway lanes. Fortunately I did not hit someone else's car and I managed to not crash my car completely.

Now I'm really unsure what exactly has happened that moment. I would talk to a doctor and ask if something's wrong with my brain, but unfortunately everything is closed due to corona ..

I am a little bit worried, that it will happen again and I'm wondering if anyone has experienced something similar?  Did I in some weird way tried to subconsciously kill myself? Is that even possible? What the actual fuck?`
self-harm