classify text {harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn}

teks: I Don't Know How To Take Control Over My Life and I'm Slowly Losing The Will ToI'm 16F and I don't know what to do anymore, i'm just so tired. I'm tired of never being good enough, constantly being left behind, consistently being overlooked, taken advantage of, being mistreated, and crying a lot. I just want some peace.

It doesn't help that everyone wants me to do or be something for them. I've told my parents that I wanted to be an animator and/or author, they say that i'm stupid and need to find/do a real job. They want me to find a boyfriend and give them grand kids, but I don't want that life and I don't even like men in that way, I don't really know how I feel about girls either. I try to be and express myself to the few friends I have, most of them say i'm weird, creepy and they don't really like me all that much. I do my best to be nice to people but they all automatically assume that I like them, no matter the gender, they say that it's uncomfortable to be around me. I try to show off some of my work but, everyone says that it's bad and I need to try harder. I'm just not good enough for anybody.

My parents are very abusive (emotionally, verbally, manipulative, lack of privacy, liars, etc) and made no effort to change when I tried to leave about two months ago. The school still told me that there's still a good relationship to have with them but, I beg to differ because I realized that I will never be able to have a healthy relationship with them anymore (kinda a personal reason that I don't really want to think about rn). Most of my close family is dead btw, except for my mom and my uncle. 

Friends constantly come and go. The most someone had stayed was about a year (Not all of them were bad people, a few were good people and very supportive. They had to leave because I was getting to be too much for them. I don't blame them and they still let me talk to them sometimes). Some became bullies, some ghosted, some randomly pretended that I don't exist, some cut me off when I have nothing to offer to them anymore, etc. Plus it's very difficult to make friends online because of how shy and awkward I am. I do the best I can to try to be confident though, it all falls apart when I fail and my self-hatred seeps into my head.

Trust me, I know that I need help but no ones letting me get it. Not my parents or friends or school or even extended family. Even the people with mental illnesses think that I have nothing to worry about because i'm just a kid. I try to explain that this is something that I need to do but they still don't listen. They only use it as fuel when we get into arguments. They would probably do the same if they did let me go to therapy.

I'm just getting so upset lately because I have no one to talk to or even bothered to reach out to me themselves. It feels like every day I spend at home, the more explosive my eventual mental breakdown will be. I have no distractions because I get ridiculed for doing things I like, and all the shows I love have ended, and they will not stop putting pressure on me.

The only thing I have control over is my own life but, nobody will let me die. There's always someone who comes around and gives me a reason, or makes me feel like i'd hurt them if I went through with it. 

There was one time when a girl I barely even knew, was concerned about my hands because they got all red, cracked and painful. She would check every day on me and tell me that I need to go to the doctors and get them checked out asap. She did it so much to where , I spent almost a whole day arguing with my mom that I had to go and get my hands treated, just because I wanted to ease her worries about me. She was very happy when I told her about that.

I don't like living and I don't want to anymore but, there are some people who might genuinely be upset if I disappeared. I always get upset when I think about suicide and start crying uncontrollably because, I start thinking of all the people who were nice to me and want me to live. It's painful to live but I don't have the heart to do it. It's funny because I barely even know these people yet, they impact me so much. I'd leave a letter for them behind but, i'm afraid I might hurt them even more with that.

I think I just need someone to tell me how to take control and leave behind all the bad things here. I have an urge to leave but I can't pull it off because i'm still a child. Can someone just tell me what I need to do or some of the steps I can take to leave? If it's possible, i'd like way that won't make me step on anyone's toes. However, if I can't do that then, i'm willing to do what I need to do to get myself better.

Thank you for listening to me... I really do appreciate it, return JSON {'label'}
{"label": "self-harm"}