teks: I'm so broken and soon enough It'll be my end.You can go read my previous posts for some context.

A few more days and I'll be dead. I appreciate all who have tried to help me here. I've cried enough for myself and others. No one should care about me anymore. If they wanted to rip my only happiness from me then so be it. 

Hope their conscience will be stained with my bloodshed. I can't help but grin thinking how would everyone of them would react when they find out I've just died. They'll probably be happy cause a "monster" like me is dead. Especially her and that guy. She's told me all of these sweet things, Then this day came.

I can't help but smile while crying sometimes when I remember what she said to me on that even if I do move on she'll still look for me one day. She wouldn't be here today without me. I've saved her ass a lot of times and this is what I get. Makes me wish I could've made such a heavy move on myself much earlier on and maybe we'd be dead together whether afterlife or not. 

I've had it with the others. I've had it with life and it's bundle of suffering. I've pretty much accepted the fact that nothing good will come out of my life anymore. No matter what everyone has said to me. Everyone said this and that but only the opposite happens. 

Why does life seem to be really hateful on me? I've been growing and changing yet it still happened. There's only so much I could take without her. Even at the real edge of where I was told that I was gonna get thrown out. She was just sorry and told me she wont forgive me if I hurt myself.

I really lost it.. It's fucking engraved onto me how I sometimes let out a small whimper when I feel sad. I really hope her numbness disappears when its her fucking turn to get shitted on. When she comes running to me when things are really bad she'll just have chat of a dead man. 

I've accepted I'll never get back what I had but I refuse to live with this pain that has never left me for months even when together.

I have no regrets. I'll be counting my days.
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