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teks: Can anyone offer advice, thoughts, anything?I figure this is a place where people might have diverse opinions and experiences.

I have biological depression (aka, I'm not just a little down, cause I got broken up with, or I'm in debt, etc.) on top of intense atheism, a scientific deterministic perspective and quantities of intelligence sufficient to be detrimental. I think these might be my main problems.

I see no reason to exist. I don't do things for fun, but simply because I have to. It's like waiting for...something, but I have no idea what it could be, other than death and a chance to not have to deal with my continuous internal dialogue. If I could somehow just withdraw and sit around to rot without having to deal with my mind the whole time, I would.

It's a frustration with life. A search for meaning when, really, there is NONE. Whatsoever. Hobbies? They're distractions. Enjoyments? I don't enjoy them. I don't understand how people can function day to day. Every hour I spend conscious feels like the last 100 meters of a 5k...but it never ends. 

My killing myself wouldn't be due to some excess of emotion that I can't deal with. It would be from a lack of emotion. No investment in anything. Just throwing my hands up in defeat against the fact that no one, and nothing, exists for any reason but existence itself. And that existence is really grating on my nerves.
self-harm