teks: This is my story. Please help me.Hello, Reddit. I am writing to you because I need help. I have needed this help for a long time, but I really don't know how to ask for it. I have a lot of problems and it is becoming too much to deal with. I don't really know where to start, so I'll just ramble a minute.

Ever since I was a kid, I've dreamed of death. I have always died in my dreams and I don't know why. Its just something thats always been on my mind. Nobody has ever been able to give me an answer that really tells me what death means. I once attempted suicide just to find out what it means to die. I have learned to suppress this curiosity in order to live through the life that has been given to me, though I always end up thinking about death in the end.

I have had a fairly good life up to this point. I mean I can't really complain about it. I have food to eat, water to drink, a decent job, a girlfriend, and some friends. What more could you ask for? However, I have issues with some these things.

I feel like as good as my life is, it is crap. The food I eat makes me feel like shit. The beverages I drink make me feel like shit. The friends I have make me feel like shit, etc, etc. To be honest, I feel like shit probably 90% of the time.  I could go into details as to why each of these things make me feel like shit, but I wont. They just do.

I had a friend once who suffered through a similar thought process as I do. Same curiosity. Same thoughts regarding a decent, but felt like  shit most of the time, etc. We used to talk about what it means to die sometimes. Eventually, we realized both of us were somewhat suicidal. We decided that we would always talk to each other first before acting on anything. Guess who didn't live up to their end of the bargain? Yeah, I feel responsible for that. Its a shitty feeling.

Usually I just cope with these things and continue on like nothing is wrong. Most people don't think anything is wrong with me. However, I can't go one whole goddamn day without thinking about just ending everything and this frustrates me. This is ultimately why I'm writing all of this. Because today, of all days I've thought about it, I feel the most serious. I feel like I've tried everything and nothing works. I live by the philosophy of if something makes you sad, brings you down, or whatever, then change it. I've done that. And I still feel this way. I've changed friends, I've changed girlfriends, I've changed jobs, I've changed a lot of things. I still feel like shit every day. Every goddamn day. I'm really tired of feeling this way. I don't know what else I can do.

I feel like I can't trust anyone and therefore have no one to share these thoughts with. A terrible thing, to feel like you've got no one to trust, but whatever. I don't even know why I'm writing all of this and I really don't care.

How do I fix it?

TL;DR: Fuck you. Read it.
kelaskan text [harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn]
self-harm