kelaskan teks {harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn}, teks `Please just get me out of here I'm beyond sick and tired of getting up every day at this point. I really love my mom (more like loved tbh) but she's a consistent verbal abuser and only until now have I brushed it off. I was recently diagnosed with ADD and even though my mom has been a little more aware of it, she acts like because it's not affecting her directly and really doesn't give two shits about me and the issues like taking forever to finish homework/projects/books/etc but yells at me to no end about how long I take. She picks on me for not being able to do my work as fast as she can (she constantly reminds me that she was a good student in school) and for the fact that I struggle with some subjects (any subject that involves essay writing is painful for me.) My mom is an avid reader and I wish I could be but I can't sit down for more than a good 3 minutes and read well, I start to fidget a bit and I lose understanding of what I'm reading if I push myself more to do it. Out of the tiny amount of free-time I have, I like to play video games (those are hard to finish too), but my mom picks on me that I need to read a book or something. I would if I could actually sit down and do it straight. I am on medication (70mg Vyvanse w/ Anti-depressants) but at first I just had Vyvanse and it didn't help at all, and honestly I really want to stop taking the antidepressants because the problem is only being ignored and honestly they don't really work either. I'm not having crying breakdowns on the antidepressants but I just feel angry and weirdly compressed instead and that feeling isn't comfortable either. I am seeing the school psychiatrist and I appreciate the support she has given but she wants me to talk to my mom about the issues more but my mom will not listen to anyone except her (barely) and the doctor who is prescribing the meds to me. My aunt had said that I should get tested for ADD/ADHD multiple times before but my mom always thinks those kids are lazy and that ADHD isn't a real thing. I don't want to blame everything on ADD and I am a human being and I make mistakes but alot of the shit thrown at me in my life has been caused by the misunderstanding towards it. My dad will not listen to me either (he only listens to my mom because he thinks she's the smarter parent, so arguing is pointless) My mom will keep what my psychiatrist said in mind, but forgets it after 2 days or so and going to her about problems at this point is useless. I used to hate just going to school because honestly school life before being diagnosed was hell. It's broken a lot of relationships I've had with other students and teachers because they all think I'm lazy, dumb and hopeless. A lot of my friends all are doing well in school and applying to colleges and I feel like a burden whenever I want to talk or something because they either ignore me or say they are too busy. Granted I only say hello really and I'm not the most chatty person in the world but its like if I have a friend that I haven't talked to in a long time they blow me off. I just recently ended 2 friendships because of this. I would really like to join the army but my parents are heavily against it because my sister had joined and didn't go to college before or after, and she is now struggling heavily and my parents cannot support her for very much longer. Now I hate being at school and at home because I can't be left alone without my mom or any other family member having some snarky complaint about me. Nobody in this family really loves me for me and I hate family gatherings because my mom and dad openly humiliate me just for conversation and then other family members do it too and it's like I can't have a decent conversation with any of them because all they ask and care about is school and why do I do so bad in it and that I can't afford to do bad in school and that it's embarrassing. 

My mom constantly says that she wishes she raised me differently and that she would be in a better life if she didn't have kids and constantly shoves down my throat whenever I get the slightest bit discomforted by something she says or does that she's a nice person and that I'm evil and ungrateful. I'm grateful I'm not getting physically beaten to a pulp and that we have food on the table even though ym mom got laid off a couple of months ago but right now its like I can't do jack shit without upsetting someone and honestly I do agree that if she didn't have me and my sister that life would be better. But it's not my fault that I'm alive and that she had me, it was her choice and why the hell do I get the blame for it when you made the goddamn decision to have kids. It makes no sense and I'm tired. 

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self-harm