teks `I'm really not emotionally capable of having friends.Seriously. I'm too sensitive for my own good. If a friend of mine messages me something to let me know about something I'm doing wrong I literally just go into breakdown mode. 

I can't stop thinking of that time two years ago, when someone I thought was my best friend told me they had lied all that time I knew them and they never cared about me or the things I made. I can't take any chances. If a friend and I have a disagreement I immediately assume that they never cared about me or anything I said to them in the first place and that I'm a dumbass for even trying to trust again. But yet I don't blame them. I do impulsive things when I'm in a depressive and panicked state; not self harm but more like I just burn the bridges even harder than I should. I leave group chats and say shit I don't mean. 

I've had this my entire life. I've waited for so long to see when it "gets better" and I have lived through depression in childhood all the way through to adulthood and it never did get better. It's getting worse, even, with work and college draining my very being. 

I pray to whatever's out there every single day that I die in my sleep or from sickness or something that would be deemed not my own doing. I can't do that to my family; I can't have them living with the guilt if I killed myself. But I am close to doing it, and I will make it look like an accident.`, kelaskan teks guna labels [gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis]
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