teks: I just can't do it, and I hate myself for it even moreFor the past 5 months I've been closeley postponing my death alá "I'll do it next week" or "after this weekend"  or "next morning". For the past month I've been saying "next morning I'll do it for sure" but I just can't. I've had the rope around my neck countless times, 3 times shortly before losing consciousness I've pussied out. I mostly don't want to seek help, I want to be dead, but somehow dying and pain still scares me. I can't seek for help even if I wanted to because lmao that doesn't really count as being suicidal or anything, I'm just a dramatic bitch that's quite literally running away from all their problems. The past week it's gotten slightly better, literally only because of World of Warcraft. Cliché that a loser like me plays that shitty life consuming game, I know. But there's literally nothing else I want to do, nothing else that I care about in the slightest, and I'm losing interest in that again aswell. There's no value in fixing anything in me either, because for what. I not only hate myself but also basically everyone and everything around a decent chunk of the time, I don't know how it came to be but yeah. I've seeked professional help a decent amount of time, the last therapist I had called the cops on me after telling him I want to die and afterwards ghosted me for 3 weeks and then told me that he can't help me, good shit. I'm completely out of money now, my very last money went to rent, I can't even afford food and I'm to prideful to ever ask anyone for money. I've been ghosting most people, all of my family too, but since they wanted help with minor things it's even worth than just ghosting "friends". Idk this is some random rambling that I just needed to get off my chest since I can't really tell anyone about it.

Hopefully I'll do it next morning but most likely won't but rather wallow in self pity. Sorry
kelaskan text {gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis}, bagi dalam JSON {'kelas'}
{"kelas": "mencederakan diri sendiri"}