classify text [gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis], text `does it ever actually get better?there’s nothing worse than being terrified of your own self. I don’t know if i’m going to make it through the next time i’m this depressed. 

my life is a constant cycle of feeling so completely empty and sad for weeks, to the point i can’t do anything and I just want to die. to feeling so amazing, like the greatest high. and then back again. over and over and over.

for weeks i’m full of energy, and it’s the most amazing feeling, until it’s not anymore. I become a completely different person. I hardly sleep or eat, so much is going through my head all the time that I can’t even think to do those things. I convince myself i’m superior to everyone else and that i’m in control of everything. I do reckless things because in my head I believe that nothing is real and I create and control everything. people and things only exist because I allow them to, nothing I do matters because i’m the only thing that’s real. it feels great in the moment. i’m always shocked that days earlier I wanted to die so badly, because how could someone like ME possibly want to die? 

every time i wake up with that feeling of pure happiness after being so depressed for weeks, I think that i’m just normal now. I think that it really does get better, that this is what normal feels like and i’m all good now. but the sadness always comes back, and every time it does it’s 10x worse. I spend the time of sadness thinking of how insane I was acting and thinking while I thought i was normal. I spend the time trying to fix everything I fucked up while I was being completely reckless, which makes me feel even worse. i’m a terrible person when i’m “happy” and the only time I have any sense of reason/reality is when i’m so fucking depressed that I just want to die constantly. 

I just want to feel normal. I just want to feel happy/sad/whatever, without it being so overwhelming. I hate feeling numb but every feeling that I feel is so so so strong and overwhelming that I don’t know how to deal with it. 

so does it actually get better? or is that just what people tell you because suffering alive is better than being dead.. right?

idk if anyone has actually read this whole thing, i just needed to say this somewhere because keeping it in is just making me feel worse.`, return in JSON {'kelas'}
{"kelas": "mencederakan diri sendiri"}