classify text {harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn}, text `It is chemically and physically not possible for things to get better for me. [TLDR at the end]I got diagnosed with severe ADHD. My dream job is to work in a recording studio. That is now 100% out. There is no work around for this. This is NOT just me moping.

I have spent the past 6 years of my life learning about audio technology, sound engineering, stage work, and everything in-between. My dad was a for-hire bass player for years, and still works in A/V for assorted events. By meeting the people he has networked with over the years, I have had a deep look into what the music tech work scene is like. It is extremely networking heavy. The entry bar is set very high, and is significantly luck based. After maybe 10 or 15 years, you can get established and make it a steady career. But those first several years require 80 hour weeks and full dedication. It doesn't help that I live in Oklahoma where there is no music scene and hasn't been since the 90s. 

As I neared the end of highschool, I worked so hard to develop AT LEAST the social skills I would need. The college hit me hard, nearly killed myself, tutoring didn't help (they literally told me to get checked for a mental disability). I was not getting any less socially awkward, but I sure was becoming a lot angrier at everything. 

Well I took their advice. I got tested. I was expecting a negative. "This is silly" I thought. Nope. My brain is chemically deficient.

The problem: medication might be enough to get through college, plus they can give you "accommodations" to make it easier (just so you'll be even less ready for real life). But there is no workaround for ADHD in the music space. It's not enough.

Sure, maybe I could be happy in life eventually, but I would have to find something else. I would have to give up on the recording studio dream, and forever wish I could have had it. Nah, I'm done. This is stupid. I don't want to be a part of this anymore. There is nothing left in it for me.

TLDR: ADHD means I cannot get my dream job. I know this because I have been learning about this career for 6 years. I know what can and can't be done. I'm not making assumptions. This is one of the only things in this world I actually know stuff about. There are no workarounds, no chances, no hopes. It is not a thing that can happen.`
self-harm