teks: I need somebody, it's bad.In 2008, when I was 14, me and my buddy were being crazy in class, and I bet him that I could masturbate without anybody seeing. I tried for a minute without exposing myself, couldn't do it, and we thought it was hilarious. I've never been the type to do weird stuff, I know this is wrong, and I never did anything like that before or after, and there's no excuse, but at 14 we thought it was funny even though I know it's not.

A year later I was joking about it during lunch, an upperclassman overheard me, and him and his friends made fun of me and started telling everybody they knew. He would yell it at me in the hallways, and tell everybody around him when he saw me. In a gym class, his buddy yelled it at me, so I joked about it because it made people laugh.

I ended up still having a great time in high school, had a lot of friends, talked to everybody, never seemed to be judged and I don't know how many people knew, but everybody still seemed to like me and nobody really brought it up my 11th and 12th grade years.

A few months ago, at 24, was in college and working hard, 100% happy with life, it dawned on me how weird this actually was, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. I've talked to about 30 people from high school, saying things like "Do you remember any rumors about me in high school", "Do you remember what I was known for in high school", and even brought up the topic itself a few times.  Nobody that I've talked to says they can remember anything but good things, or "just that I was known for dating a black girl" and even when I bring it up, the people I've talked to either can't remember what I'm talking about, or the 2 close friends that did said that they forgot it happened entirely.

But last night I was reading on Reddit about people saying they did similar things, and the comments were along the lines of "You better hope nobody finds out", "You're what's wrong with the world", "If anyone finds out you're going to be known for that forever by your classmates", or "You're going to have to move far away". I haven't been able to sit still or think straight since I read that, couldn't sleep last night, feel like there's nothing I can do to fix it. The post made me think everybody in the school thought of me like that, the people that I still see every day, even though I really don't really have reason to believe that. I feel insane, I honestly can't take it anymore.
kelaskan text [harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn], bagi dalam JSON {'label'}
{"label": "self-harm"}