teks: I'm not too sure what to title this, or if it's even title worthy.I don't really know where to start considering I've never really done anything like this before. Even though you're probably all strangers to me I'm still afraid that somehow everyone I know will find out I'm crazy. 

Anyway, I still don't know where to start. Sorry for rambling, I'm just trying to piece together my thoughts. 

Here's the problem, I'm 21 and I have nothing whatsoever to look forward to. I'm schizophrenic, depressed, suicidal, anorexic w/ bulimic tendencies, I self-harm and I have OCD. How in the world am I ever going to amount to anything? I've been through some things that most people would describes as horrific, but seeing how writing about those things would probably make things worse for me it's probably a good idea I don't. I'm not really asking for help I just need to vent, but at the same time I'm wondering if there is any hope for me. I don't plan on killing myself yet, but I do know that I'm probably going to try somewhere in the near future. 

I'm not sure what else I should write, so until I can think of something I want to be on here this is it.

**Here's an addition**

There was a guy on this subreddit who overdosed on some medicines and for some reason I feel like if he survives then I might have a chance. I'm really scared that he won't because then I'll officially lose all hope.

At this point I can't handle what's going on in my head so I've taken some stuff to get high and at least physically numb myself. For some reason I'm hoping, that even though this is public, no one sees this because I'm embarrassed. 

**Here's another addition**

I feel like a hypocrite helping people on here. I'm telling them to look forward to life and to focus on the good things. I can't even do that myself. I feel like such scum.  Maybe I changed my mind. Maybe I really am looking for help. I so desperately need it that I'm telling things to other people that I would like to hear from someone myself. If you're still reading sorry for this random tangent of nothingness. 

*Yet another addition**

I'm getting sleepy, goodnight.

I'll be back tomorrow to vent a little more. Maybe a somewhat clear head will help me do so. 
Take care everyone!
kelaskan text [harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn], bagi dalam JSON {'kelas'}
{"kelas": "self-harm"}