classify text {harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn}

teks: Tired. Just, so tired. It's been 10 years of sleepless nights, wrought with anxiety and loneliness. My brain has become shit, much like my mood, and I've devolved. In this new city where I've been for the past year, I've tried to reinvent myself and start anew, yet  I have only come to realize how terribly alone I am. 

My parents are stuck in their shitty marriage and financial situation, slowly succumbing  their worries and fears. My brother only wants to flee from our family, reaping and plundering whatever he can salvage from this sinking ship. Unlike him, however, I've kept silent and tried my best to avoid heaping additional worries to my parents. Though it means nothing, I guess that's one self-congratulatory pat on my back. Hooray for never-ending sibling rivalry

My pure-OCD has ranged from scrupulosity, homophobia, xenophobia, and various other gf/hook-up induced phobias. I've been on a wide array of medications and been battling through each day, beset by internal strife. People who meet me are quick to say how serious I look or how unapproachable I am. My friend, if I can ever call you that, if you saw the same mental carnage and felt the same cold, heavy chains around your neck, you would understand. But if I ever told you about any of those things, even a snippet of my inner dialogue, you would flee as if I were a leper, condemn me as lost cause, and patronize me with your sense of fortuitous superiority. But it's okay. You wouldn't be the first. Hell, if I were in your shoes, I would probably  do the same thing. Because in ignorance, I have, and still do the same thing to those less fortunate. So we're not so different in that regard. We're only human.

everyone i know has prescribed me jesus, from my legalistic childhood friends, my family, any remaining contacts i have from home, and even to my lovely primary care physician who stuck a 3 inch plastic pipe up my ass this morning. but Doc, you see, jesus and i go way back. from my teenage days, when i physically harmed myself from doing evil to feigning love to proselytes in the name of the Son. i sometimes walk into church to feel connected again, but more so than not, i feel more dejected and defeated after  an hour-long inquisition and tautologies. i need more lube. 

I feel trapped. Shackled. Chained. I desperately await a sign or salvation from an external source, but I know I cannot. It's been 10 years already. Right now, all I want is a shoulder or a knee to rest my weary head in its insane glory. i hooked up with you, my loves, to see if i could find that temporary peace, but i was merely giving pieces of myself to uncaring and unmoved strangers yet again. i thought you'd understand. i mistook the insecurity i've seen underneath your heavy makeup, expensive clothing, overachieving success. but i was wrong, yet again. 

I am tired. I need friends. I need peace. I need a little breather before I pick myself up again and fix my problems. 

to anyone who cared to read, thank you, return JSON {'label'}
{"label": "self-harm"}