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teks: DAE have these kind of suicide fantasies? I seem to get them all the time.I was just wondering if anyone else has those moments where they just think about how easy it would be to kill themselves. I think the worst part of it though is how I seem to derive joy from the idea of my suicide. 

I'm an extremely empathic person and I have many personal factors that make my life difficult. As is the case for most people suffering from depression, I seem reasonably successful on the outside. I've achieved things that make people assume that my life is all sunshine and rainbows. But on the inside, I feel seemingly constantly uncomfortable. I seem to have lost the ability to relax which is quite frustrating. I should clarify also that I don't actually have depression but I have other stuff and social anxiety, etc.

Anyhow, since early teenagerhood I've been constantly fantasizing about ways to kill myself. Sometimes it just seems like I should just end it because there's no point. I don't plan on actually killing myself, but I think it is still extremely worrying how I have developed an obsession with killing myself. It seems like a fine balance between where I am now and one day, just snapping and doing the deed. 

I appreciate any replies, but might have to wait a while to read them because I've got lot's of work to do that's stressing me out. (Maybe stress is a trigger for suicidal thoughts?) Thanks for reading nonetheless. :)
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