teks: Should I make Manwich or shoot myself in the head?In the last month I lost my job and my wife left me. I quit smoking weed about nine days ago both to simplify the job search and to give myself some clarity to process everything. Fucked up thing is, even sober I seem to find myself thinking about doing it more and more often. Tuesday night I broke my hotline cherry, twelve minutes on the phone bought me another chance at life. Tonight I had a brief staring contest with my Glock 19, but it's back in the nightstand for now. I hate living without a partner. It took so long to find her and I can't imagine rebuilding what we had together over those six years. I feel totally lost on the job front as well because I just spent three years getting a graduate degree to do a job it turns out I hate too. Every morning that I DIDN'T kill myself, I'm glad I didn't, but it's hard to hold onto that when I just don't want to feel this shit anymore. I used to numb a lot of things with the weed, and facing this all head-on, dead-ass sober is brutal. Not really sure why I'm writing this, but there's nobody in my family I could say this too without ending up in a hospital and that's the last fucking thing I want right now.
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{"label": "mencederakan diri sendiri"}