classify text [gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis], text `Why shouldn't I kill myself? WTF else is there to do?So here's where I'm at. I'm a 28 year old male who works on a help desk (OMG, NO WAIS! ON REDDIT?!), has no real friends, no close family, no pets and worst of all no motivation. Obviously I suffer from depression, but I absolutely refuse to pay some schmuck hundreds of dollars to listen to me bitch. It may help other people, but I saw counselors and such growing up and they are bullshit. My mind is never going to change on that one. So here I am with literally nobody that I could say I am "close to". I drive to work every night, surf reddit and watch Netflix. Then I drive home, buy games on Steam, drink and try to be asleep before the sun comes up. Rinse, repeat. I do all my shopping online and I pretty much live off delivery. The only place I frequent outside of work is a gas station near my house to buy grape Swishers (omg... so delicious). I'm bored with video games, I'm bored with my quest to watch every horror movie on Netflix. I spend a large portion of my time sitting by myself internally debating theology vs. atheism (which really is an exercise in futility). Sometimes I muster the courage to make my roommate cry in NBA 2K11 but it's not often and is the only social interaction I get.

Point is, I can't see a reason to stick around. I want to take this step as much out of boredom and apathy as depression. I am unable to see anything positive that could possibly come out of staying here. The few things I would like to experience are limited by my budget and lack of friends. All those feelings of emptiness and I haven't gotten to the anger yet. I am angry all the time. I am known as the angry guy at work. Literally everything makes me just shake with rage. For other people there are relationships to be had and children to raise... I just feel like for me that's all pointless. I'd just yell at them because I feel like shit all the time or because I'm jealous and insecure. Why would I want to put somebody else through that? 

That's all hypothetical anyway though since I am unable to hold a conversation. Co-workers and the few people I know outside work tell me all the time that I'm rude because I ignore people. Thing is, I don't ignore people to be rude... I internally acknowledge that they said hello to me, I then fail to be able to come up with a reply because I'm too busy looking for an escape route so I can stop feeling this awful nervousness. I actually get scared when going to a public place. Going to the store is no longer as easy as just grabbing the keys and rollin' out. I have to spend an hour pacing around, looking out the window, trying to think of a way to accomplish my task without going in public, looking out the window again, pacing around some more and then finally saying fuck it and locking myself in my room to stare at my desk. 

I wasn't always like this. I used to go out every night, felt like I had purpose, got married once, drove across the country a few times (I have been to every state), enlisted etc. Now I just see reasons NOT to do things. Going out to a bar? Whoever I went with would go try to meet girls while I sat by myself all night and stared at the countertop. Movie? Why go to the movies by myself and spend money when I could pirate it and not feel like everybody is laughing behind my back because I went alone? Ugh... I'm rambling again... I'm sure nobody is going to read this far but if you do feel free to not comment. I don't think anything anybody says will make me feel better about fuck all anyway. Oh, and I can't tell anybody about this shit because almost every single person I know is from work and I'd be fired. Not that any of them are close enough to me that I'd tell them anything more personal than how I like my steak cooked (rare)...

TL;DR
Everything sucks, I have no friends, I hate myself, refuse to get "treatment" for my depression and am a social leper that will be mourned only by his parents someday when I stop being a pussy... maybe.`, return in JSON {'label'}
{"label": "mencederakan diri sendiri"}