kelaskan teks [gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis], teks `Can't Get HelpI'm 16 years old, my name is Cayden and over the past two years I've dealt with extreme depression. I have yet to get help for it, mother never knew until I told her in the fall. I asked her If I could get help because my depression was getting bad again. She had said yea and she would look. I've reminded her about once a month and still nothing. We're not hard on cash or anything, infact my sister goes to a psychiatrist. I'm to  scared to come out and say that I've been trying not to kill myself, I don't want to be thrown into a white room. I'm also to afraid to call the suicide hotline because I have extreme social photbia. I don't know what to do.  

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It was at it's worse state back in April when I was breaking down daily and battling suicide everyday. We had gone to Oregon and I stayed with my brother who I only say once every couple months while growing up. When I stayed with him, his wife, and two kids for a week I was happy. I hadn't had been happy in so long it, and that's what ruined me. He doesn't know about my depression but I think he could feel it radiating off of me, because he was really trying to get me to stay and live with him (He lives 600 miles away). I realized how much I hated my family, we all neglect each other and dislike each other. Everyday is a fight and I have no support from my mom. We don't have a really parent/kid relationship. If I tell her I'm having a really bad time with depression or I'm stressed out to the point of breaking down she won't talk to me about it. It seems as if she doesn't want to help.

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I've always been pretty heavy, right now I'm 230lbs which doesn't help my self esteem. I've tried asking for many years for help from my mom but never got any, I know there is an effort put in by me but I need support too. I also the living shit out of my sister, I don't want to bore anyone with the specifics just putting that out there. There was a reason for putting all that though. The only reason I haven't tried to commit suicide in the last year is because of them. See I can say I hate them as much as I want, but they are my family so of course I love them in some weird way.

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I had to deal with an abusive household twice in my life, and we relied on each other to get through that. My mom has that sort of issue where she seeks out abusers. They have caused me a lot of problems like paranoia. One of them I had to pull a knife on and he did the same. He was manipulative and, not saying to exaggerate, I'm pretty sure a psychopath. He manipulated peoples emotions but never felt any, very creepy. That kicked in some trust issues too, but I don't deal with that often. 


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I didn't mean to get so into this when I started, it all comes down to I don't know what to do. A couple minutes before this post I had a break down and was ready to call the suicide hotline, but I always tell myself it isn't serious enough for it. I need help. (My father also killed himself in 2011, he had severe depression aswell. Maybe it's a genetic thing? He also had schizophrenia which runs in the family). `
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