teks: I can't do it anymore.I was a crackhead over 12 years. I fucked my entire middle age up (started late 20's got clean in mid 40's). I was born with a birth defect (PE) that I had to have corrected to live. My parents would have done NOTHING if it weren't for my life on the line.  
I ran around on my own since age 14. I met men just by talking to calls with the wrong number. I came and went as I pleased. Until my cop dad moved us to a different city because he thought he'd be appointed Chief. He was not.  
He rolled up on me all the time out of protecting his rep, which ruined mine.  
I had SO much potential. I had SO much love inside me. HAD.  
There's nothing for me anymore. I've traveled a bit, and done every drug imaginable, and had my fist up a man's ass. I have LITERALLY done just about everything other than harm another person or animal or child willingly.  
My dad died. I found out he shot himself in the head this last Christmas.   
I just want to not exist anymore. No throwaway, check my history, I hate this world and what it's become in the name of tolerance and diversity. I USED to be a coveted employee, now I am barely getting calls on my resume. I USED to like running around my city at all hours and having fun, now bars are empty because of smoking regulations and I get stressed just walking around due to arrogant blacks who turn left and try to run me over, who overtake our property with no compunction, who bitch me out when I don't give them money.  
I am fucking DONE.  
My dad had the right idea. I cut, but when I go at least I will go into some ghetto alley and make someone else clean my shit up other than those who I care about. Let the nigs hoot and holler over another dead white woman. No one will care. 
  
I suck. The world sucks. You, however, dear reader are an awesome person. Thanks for listening to an old racist bitch. Edit: if anyone wants to talk please comment! I need to feel helpful.
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