teks: If the end is near, I won't do it directly. But it's happening right now.I'm not really planning on suicide. Maybe a little. But the thing is, I'm already killing myself. I was always afraid this moment would come, and here it is. I'm 19 right now. Never graduated. I should go to school, but I don't know wich one, or any of that shit. I had a nice job. But they closed, so it's gone. It was my only way of entertainment, and to be honest, this sucks badly. So just imagine me. Laying in bed all day. Smoking around 50 rolled cigs a day, yes 50. It makes you feel really shitty. I either don't sleep, or sleep all day. On sundays, when my club plays, I drink myself to shit. Weird thing is, I enjoy it. It makes the world spin and for a few hours I don't feel shitty.. 


So basically, I think I'm dieing. Slowly. Everything hurts. I cough constantly, and my mouth tastes like an ashtray. Something I think about the 80's, they must have had that taste all day in their mouth. Makes me giggle a little. There is hope. There always is. But, I hate to admit it, I'm in desperate need of a woman again. A Shepard to guide me. Looking at the future now, I see nothing. My only entertainment really is my club winning. And they don't always win.


If i had the balls to kill my self, I would've done it. But I don't got em. So I guess, I'm taking the painfull road. If I will ever get out of this, I don't know. Never knew what to do with my life, and I don't think it'll change soon..
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