classify text [harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn], text `THIS close to giving upThere's gonna be some foul language here...I have had enough of this bullshit. My parents have thrown me under the bus by chucking me into supported living for people with aspergers/autism, even though I wasn't diagnosed with it, and then they were vile to me: refusing meds, threatening to make me homeless, etc. Eventually they evicted me and I was put into a psych ward! Apparently they have a 'duty of care' to house you somewhere if you've got nowhere to be, and my parents refused to have me back too, even though they were always 10 mins away. I was doing my a levels at this time too. I somehow got through that shitstorm and I'm out the other side now, with a place at uni for September. Now I'm at another shithole supported living unit, and I can't fucking stand it. It doesn't even matter that I've got a place at uni, I feel like absolute dogshit.The staff sit out in the corridor monitoring the flats and I can't sleep. I've turned to using benzos to knock me out and in the past month I've overdosed three times. I've tried a lot of shit: ketamine, lsd, DOM, oxy, GHB, even fentanyl. I guess I've actually overdosed four times because when I tried fentanyl, I was going in and out of consciousness and my breathing was noticeably slowed. I woke up the next day though. Not that I fucking care. I use ambien to sleep now that I'm trying to come off benzos, and they've prescribed me promethazine too. I actually used that to ease the nausea with my oxy, I'm actually beyond caring. My flatmate is a fucking spastic who smokes weed all day and makes animal noises all the time. I'm either gonna kill someone or kill myself, I'm furious. And now I've got this appointment summary sheet from my psychiatrist and it's just fucking unbelievable. It talks about my three overdoses but 'there was no evidence of any current suicidal ideation'. It also talks about me feeling 'alone', actually written in quotation marks, and is completely inaccurate about my drug usage; she says I've only been using Xanax 'at a maximum of 1mg and denied taking every day' when I EXPLICITLY SAID in the meeting that I had been using it everyday in the week prior, and sometimes even in doses as high as 4mg. In my overdoses, I would usually mix alcohol, benzos, opiates and barbiturates, all in insanely high doses. My first overdose was 14mg Xanax, 40mg oxy, 3-5ml GHB, and tons of vodka and cider. I had no tolerance and I had no idea how I survived that one. So much for 'a maximum of 1mg'...are they fucking serious?! It's in the shitting medical records, what the fuck are they talking about? This is a nightmare. I have phenobarbital, domperidone, GHB and fentanyl on me and I am so tempted of overdosing again, or actually just doing it properly and jumping in front of a train or something more drastic. I cannot believe the level of shit I have to deal with at the moment, it's ungodly. If I don't off myself soon, I'm afraid I'll take out this anger on someone else.
Anyway, I just needed to vent all this, I'm feeling fucking disgusting, obviously.`
self-harm