teks: I don't care about anything anymore, I feel nothing. The bright young child from years ago is gone. I am but a husk of a human now, with no desire nor intent to live. People will forget about me eventually. If it takes 1 year, or 100 to forget, it doesnt matter, they will forget about me eventually.I doubt more than a few people will read this, maybe less people will reply. But in my humble opinion life is empty and not worth living. 

I've lost the genetic lottery. No matter how many rags-to-riches success stories people shove in my face, I manage to still not care. Even if I had success which will never happen to me, I wouldn't care, life would always be empty and fruitless.

I have nothing in this world that I seriously want enough to pursue, not only that, but I also don't have the talents or intelligence or motivation to do any of that. My philosophy is that life is too long to dedicate to studies and way too short to dedicate to pleasure, at least for the average person.

But I feel like I'm at the end of my rope, nobody to rely on, nothing I want, nothing to strive for, no redeeming qualities in sight. Nothing to gain. I didn't want to kill myself at first, but the longer I roam the earth desiring nothing, the longer that I realize that the instinctual human urge to innovate and create is absent. 

Although I'm relatively young, I see the end of the road for me. Its comical actually, I see all of the things I wanted to do as a young child and I cringe, because i don't want to do those things anymore, I wonder what my 13 year old self would tell me now, he'd probably hate who I've become, I don't blame him either because I feel the same.

Many dreams that I don't desire anymore. I was much more bright as a young child, I would have dreams of making millions starting a YouTube channel or Streaming on twitch. I would want to be everything from astronaut to author, I even wanted to be an artist at some point in my life, although i do regret that since I never had much passion or talent for the arts, I was never serious about any of the careers I "wanted" to be honest.

I haven't set a date out for when I'm going to kill myself but I just know that my days are numbered and that my judgement day is coming at some point.

If anyone wants to talk to me I'd suggest going into my DMs, but seriously, I'm never ready for conversations and I am eternally bad at texting. You'll get bored and ghost me after a few hours for sure. My ideas and personality are as bland and boring as watching grass grow. But you can try I suppose
kelaskan text {harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn}
self-harm