classify text [gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis], text `Will this even get readMy family finally showed their true colors, they feel as I had been suspecting for a long time. They resent me. My mother sees me as the “the biggest failure of her life.” Bc “I can never do anything right.” I have to live here all summer. Live in the house I was verbally abused all my life, physically beaten every day as kid, scarred. Every day I am greeted with hostile looks of such hatred, screamed at for things I “do wrong” or things I don’t even do, such as  “having my hands in my pockets.” Despite these facts, I have never laid a hand on her (with exception of a hug or occasional kiss or incidental contact), yet she feels “unsafe” with me living there Bc I am tall and kinda strong. She feels I have wasted her life away.

My father left on my tenth birthday, and somehow he is the only one who I feel doesn’t hate me, he barely even knows me. 
My brother criminalizes me for leaving to go to college in another state while he studied here commuting from home. He thinks I am the reason his life is “difficult.” Difficult as in He stays home and does some chores. He thinks “the reason for family is to use them.” He thinks I think I’m better than him, and has many times said that he trusts his friends more than me. He thinks that he is always in the right and I am so fucking delusional with every thought I have.

Then there’s me. I’m so fucked up I can’t even hold a normal relationship. I ignore my friends and they know nothing about me. Romantically, I don’t open up either. If someone is interested in me as a person I can’t help but think that there must be something extremely wrong with them to the point I fixate on the smallest of things and that makes them “imperfect” to me. I  often times find myself thinking that they are so much better than me, and leave my relationships before they even have a chance to bloom. I have a skin disease which is so itchy it honestly makes me hate every second. I don’t require any help or treatment or anything tho, I just suffer. I get panic attacks so often at home. But to my family it’s just a matter of “don’t sigh/yawn/breathe like that in front of me.” They think I’m a nuisance. After everyone close thinks you’re a monster, honestly, you start to believe so too. Am I so fucked up? Such a bad person I will never be loved in any capacity? Honestly I wonder this all the time. What’s even the point if things will always end the same way? For the longest time I’ve felt “I don’t want to be here anymore,” but I’d always tell myself that it’ll get better. Now I see that it really doesn’t, and maybe there just is no point. Oddly enough for the first time in a long time I feel at peace.

I have never shared this with someone and if you read this far, thank you. I just need someone in the world to know this, even if it’s just one person. Maybe someone will find the perspective of an eternal fuckup somewhat enlightening. Sorry for the essay.`, return in JSON {'kelas'}
{"kelas": "mencederakan diri sendiri"}