teks: Suicide by pneumonia.I 29(F) am usually very active, I love partnered dances, going to the gym, going for walks, ice skating and pretty much just love being active and getting out. I am also very sociable and “touchy” (I will hug just about anyone), what can I say I love connecting with all kinda of people).
Last September I managed to micro tear both achilles tendons. I was stuck on my ass till about the start of March, basically if I wasn’t at university, physiotherapy or work (couldn’t afford to not work) I was just sitting around at home.
I’ve always been prone to depression and anxiety, exercise was how I learned to control it, to feel better, without that I spiralled, I became heavily depressed, moody and generally unpleasant to be around.
I took some control back by religiously following my physiotherapy exercises and doing everything I could to get better, it kind of helped my mood, but most importantly it worked, even my physiotherapist was surprised by how quickly I recovered.
All better from thatI started going back to the gym (on an plan written by an exercise physiologist to prevent re-injury), I enrolled into a new dance class due to start next week &amp; I started feeling happy again.
Now Coronavirus has hit, my gym is closed by government order, dance class has been canceled for the sane reason, my university classes have all become online &amp; I’m falling back to depression, feeling helpless, alone &amp; like I’m just drowning.
For further background, I have no family or loved ones (never had much luck that way) and my social circle was based around my activities, so that’s dead in the water. I leave no one to miss me when I go.
I’ve had pneumonia 3 times in my life, last time it got bad, my O2 saturation rates became critical &amp; I started displaying cyanosis in my extremities, but apart from a bit of pain in the chest &amp; throat, I just felt tired.
I’m done with life, obviously nothing will get better. I’m going to try to get Coronavirus, isolate myself, encourage pneumonia &amp; lay in bed waiting to die.
I don’t entirely want to die, but honestly, what is the point of living?
kelaskan text {harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn}
self-harm