classify text {gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis}

teks: Why I am going to kill myselfWhy i want to kill myself

I have written down why i feel suicidal before but usually in small amounts and never the full story, here i will try to lay out my full set of reasons for why i want to kill myself.

I am almost 27 years old and for me as it does im sure for many people who kill themselves it starts in school, i never had friends growing up, that wernt online anyway, a day at school for me was a day of torture. For the longest time i was bullied every day and unlike many kids i wasnt bullied and then had a few other bullied people who i made friends with, for me for whatever reason i decided the best thing i could do was avoid contact with anyone my age at all costs. School for me didnt really change from grade 1 to 12, i went to school avoided other kids at all costs and went home and played either with my dog or video games. I did say i had some friends online and they were amazing, it was the small bit of companionship i got sadly though as we have aged they have moved on from being able to game with me to having families and careers, sad for me anyway good for them. Threw school i was suicidal quite a bit, never attempted but thought about it daily everynight lying in bed i would think why go threw that next day, why suffer threw a day of misery for what coming home to play video games, sure i love video games but it didnt seem worth going threw the days of torture at school. But i struggled threw it i read a bunch online about suicde and people said just wait it will get better after school.

Sure its better in the sence im not getting bullied everyday now but now its just nothing, I am a failure when it comes to pretty much every aspect of life, career nothing, i am lazy by nature i have been fired from several jobs because i must say i just dont care, I dont know how people do it, care i mean for work, i go to work and i do the bare minimum to get my pay cheque so i can survive to the next one. Nothing as far as a career gets me excited, maybe a few things in science area's but i have learning disabilites that make studying and passing tests just impossible, it took me 5 tries to get my drivers licence and that was $50 or something down the shitter everytime i failed, im not willing to try something i would almost certainly drop out of to be in debt 20 or 30 thousand dollars. Right now i am unemployed which is what i prefer when i can, but i am running low on money and soon will have to take that next dead end job and we will see how long that one lasts.

Another is the fact i never have or ever will have a relationship, i am 27 years old and have never been on a date or really even talked to a girl, but for that matter i dont even think i am attracted to women. I have never really felt sexual attraction for a man or women and that just makes me even more sad, i would prefer to be gay then asexual at least then i would have the chance for a relationship instead it just reinforces the fact i will be alone forever. The only compainonship i have ever had outside of my online friends were the few dogs i have had i really loved them but i have not been able to own a dog in a very long time considering i am only ever able to rent and next to no rentals allow dogs.

I have always just thought of Suicide as a wonderful escape, it will set me free, I am an atheist so i beieve when i die it will fade to black and i will never experience anything again which sounds wonderful to me. The only reason i have never gone threw with it is my parents, i do love them and i dont want to make them suffer but it is getting to the point where i am going to just have to do it and try and leave a not to explain that this was the only way for me to truly find some happyness, or at least end the unhappyness.

Thank you for Reading, return JSON {'label'}
{"label": "mencederakan diri sendiri"}