classify text [harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn], text `not so happy holidays..I don't want to get out of bed. I hate that I have to go to work and pretend I'm happy. I wish I could just escape.

Got dumped on Christmas (totally my fault btw).  I lost an amazing guy cause I'm not happy with myself. Not only do I constantly seek validation from guys...I drive myself crazy when I'm alone.  I don't want to be this needy person that always needs to be watched.  I don't know how to fix it.  I just don't know how to not get in my own way, put my foot in my mouth, defend myself and my beliefs when I need to, be happy, be independent, and obviously I don't know how to be in a relationship.  Its crazy to realize how commitment seems to scare me off when its what I keep searching for.  

No I'm not going to commit suicide, I've tried several times but I'm far too chickenshit.  I do want out.  So PLEASE someone crash into my car on my way to work...FUCK, I feel so pathetic for saying that.`
self-harm