teks `Up and Down we go. Where the merry-go-round ends no one knows.I've been suffering depression since I was in 5th grade (Elementary, 9/10 years old). The first time I told my parents I wanted to kill myself was in 5th grade. They casually laughed and brushed it off saying you're too young to know what that entails. Going through Middle school (Junior High, 12—14 years) I got worse. I was able to function and achieved high grades as well as excellent remarks from my teachers, but it wasn't enough. There was always the constant thought of what if I just killed myself. Back then I was being threatened by this man that he would kill my family members in the most gruesome ways possible. The police became involved after I sent an email of panick to some government website saying I was suicidal and whatnot. That day, my parents finally took my depression and suicidality seriously. A few weeks later, I was ordered by the police to join therapy; my parents complied. 

Entering High School (14—17 years) things got even *worse*. I got my first boyfriend during my freshman year except he was a senior. I didn't know it at the time, but everyone thought I was a slut for that. I became labeled as a gold-digger, easy, slut, whore, etc. Solely because I dated a senior during my freshman do year in high. I found all of this out later in my Sophmore year when the whispers wouldn't stop, the snickers would be shot my way with menacing glares, and the isolation began. I was no longer with my senior boyfriend, but as high school works, once you're labeled, you might as well brand it on your forehead. 

I moved onto my second boyfriend, A, whom later raped me at my own home. I was strangled and often verbally abused by him. After I broke up with him, he continued to spread rumors about me at school, often exploiting that we had sex and I am his main prostitute. I soon began to go to school everyday carrying a scissor in my backpack. In almost every class, I'd cut myself as I cried silently. None of this made me feel better. Eventually, I went to my counselors and asked to check myself into a mental ward. This experience just worsened me. Finally, I decided to leave that high school and become home-schooled basically. I only go to an affiliated high school once a week for one hour. I no longer want to cut myself and for the past four or five months I have been as stable as I can be. However, lately I've been feeling extremely down due to family members and an issue that arised  here on reddit, which I won't discuss. I'm at the point where I don't really eat, drink, and sleep too much. Life brings me no joy and I feel as if I can never become truly happy. Now I have an itch on my wrist that seems to scream encouragements for a blade. My parents have grounded me for 6 months which doesn't end till August. During that time period, I'm not allowed to see my friends (I only have 2), which isn't a big deal, *BUT* as it is, I don't go to school anymore. The school I go to once a week make sure you never see any other kids and I'm stuck at home or at my aunts house all day except for that one hour Monday—Sunday. I feel isolated, alone, lonely, and frustrated because I can't get away from my family, my depression, and my past. 

Extra Info: 

I'm taking Prozac (antidepressant) and have been professionally diagnosed with Major Chronic Depressive Disorder. I just turned 17 this month. 

TL;DR: I'm a mess and deserve to die. `, kelaskan teks guna labels {gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis}
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