teks `Been wanting to kill myself since I was in 4th grade. I'm scared. Please listen. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm at the last straw with everything. I'm going to give a fair bit of background, so bear with me.

So I assume a lot of people have felt this way. Have felt hopeless and sick, and I feel this way most of the time. I've gotten used to it, and I've gone from crying and trying to hurt myself in 4th grade to being able to keep a lid on it and doing very, very well in school. But I'm not happy, at all, unless I'm with my best friend and also boyfriend whom I'm apparently not supposed to like because I can do "better" and our relationship has hit quite a few potholes. He was the one who gave me more time and an opportunity to enjoy things, which I took for granted. My sister says I will look back at this, ashamed, and I should break up with him and push it out of my head. I feel horrible, because he is someone who makes me happy and feel better. I guess the bottom line is there is nothing that makes me truly happy, because nothing lasts, and it always ends in devastation. Every happy moment you have will go away, and I'm not strong enough to deal with the pain of everything. I can do anything with my life. I've been told I'm smart, young, and attractive. But I don't care, I don't want to live it. I hurt so bad now and I know there will be just as much pain later on. I wish I could give my life to someone who would appreciate it, make good use of it. Every choice I take is going to have consequences, and I'm tired of dealing with them and seeing everyone in my family try so hard at happiness and fail. I can't spend any time with them. I feel sick. I don't want to live anymore, I'm exhausted and as much as I would love someone to hug me and tell me it's going to be alright, I just can't accept it. I cry everyday about losing my virginity, about being alone, about my family being torn apart. I can't get out of bed. I'm dead set on killing myself soon, before things get worse or better, and I suppose I am having second thoughts because I'm posting this, since I'm seeking consolation instead of doing it immediately. I just want some way out that doesn't hurt my family or friends. I love them all so much but they don't understand nor can they help.

I'm sorry to have wasted your time with nonsense. I'm young and I should be enjoying what I can. I just don't want to, not as me. I look back on the few memories where I'm actually happy, content. They hurt. I don't want more happy memories to be ripped away. I feel so alone.

edit: I'm feeling much worse and I can't stop these feelings at all. everything is my fault, and I can't deal with the increasing guilt. I feel so sick I want to die. I feel so horrible, I can't handle it. I regret so much I can't breath. I want to die so bad, every happy memory I have i don't deserve. I want to kill myself right now, but I don't know how. I'm so scared.`, kelaskan texts [harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn] dan pulangkan dalam bentuk JSON {'kelas'}
{"kelas": "self-harm"}