classify text {harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn}, text `Don't know what to doI don't firmly want to kill myself, but I keep thinking about it. I know the thoughts will pass, but then, so will the absence of the thoughts. I feel unsupported and scared and isolated. I do have friends, but all the ones who are understanding have problems of their own. I triggered a panic attack in someone earlier by talking about my feelings, and my grandad said that I can go home (I'm at his house) if I'm going to be upset or complain about things, I'm guessing cos it's bad for his blood pressure. I thought about going to A&amp;E, but as I'm not in physical danger that's probably not recommended. My GP said to me something like, if things get worse with the suicide ideation, like, if I have a crisis, to call a helpline or go to A&amp;E? Don't remember her exact words. But someone online said that it would be better to call NHS 111. For like 24 hours I've been either sleeping or sitting around wondering what to do about how I feel, it seems. I messaged my best friend asking whether he would go to A&amp;E with me over 10 hours ago and he's still not responded and I still feel as shitty as before. But I don't think I'm a particularly impulsive person. I've thought many times before about actually killing myself but I never actually do it because it isn't something you can undo. I'm kind of all or nothing. I'd have to have decided that my family aren't worth living for, the potential pain is worth it, etc. But that doesn't mean I'm not really despairing. I feel like if I never get sufficient help maybe one day I will decide that it's worth the pain and the loss of opportunity. I'm only 20. But then it might be too late for anyone to help me. For now, as I'm not making a move to kill myself, people don't particularly care, and there are many people more ill than me that the NHS could busy itself with. It makes me feel kind of cheated though. As a teen I was threatened with a section because of my anorexia, but I don't recall feeling the despair and desire to actually die that I do now at that time. When I didn't want help, I had it forced on me (I only wasn't sectioned cos I accepted being force-fed). Now I desperately want help and all I have is the GP, and my surgery literally only has available appointments about once every three weeks. Making an emergency appointment, like the A&amp;E thing, would feel selfish. Plus I can't stand GPs. I don't even appear to have a diagnosis of depression (although a psychiatrist diagnosed me a few years back) and they say I have 'low mood', and on my patient summary 'depressed mood' is in the same priority or severity or whatever section as a suspected UTI from years back. `
self-harm