classify text {harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn}, text `Probably going to do it soon.My life has never been great. I grew up with a broken family and no value of love or worth. ill skip those details and just go into what really made my life a living hell ever since it happened, and it was one thing after another to where i am today. My father overdosed on painkillers when i was fifteen years old right before christmas and i found him after school. I still remember his pale, blue face everytime i close my eyes. it derailed my whole life and made me actually understand everything that was wrong with my family. i will probably never get over it. i tried to commit suicide two weeks after it happened. put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger, and didnt go off. i wish it did. im 24 now and nothing has changed. if i died it wouldnt have mattered, i would still be where i am today. after my father passed my mother devoloped a horrible gambling addiction. we got a lot of money after he passed and she gambled it all in 2 months. we had to move into another house, this being like our 10th time moving. after high school i tried to go to community college and got the pel grant or however you spell it. my mom lied to me saying that she needed the rest of the money because she had bad checks out and she would go to jail. so i gave her my whole check from that and she gambled it. all of it. then i had to drop out of college, i lost my job, and i lost my significant other all in a span of a week. i was crushed. then my friend got kicked out of his house and my mom let him stay rent free for like 2 months. they fucked the whole time and had a secret relationship. i kicked him out and 2 weeks after that my mom gambled all our money again and we lost the house, forcing me and my mom to live with my aunt 2 hours away and my brother somewhere else in town with his friend. i had to couch hop to stay alive, moving from town to town and family and friends. i was alone that whole time. no help, nothing. i failed finally living with my brother and having a place to myself, and failed moving up to the city where im from and bow im living with my shitty mother and step dad with no job, no car, no money, nothing. i am nothing. i havent had a single relationship since high school. i had one technically but she cheated on me. i will always be alone. no one gives a fuck about me or what ive gone through. i skipped a lot of details, but im ending the misery. im not going to be alone and failure the rest of my life. im buying a gun with the last of my money and ending it. i miss my dad, i miss being loved, i miss having someone. i dont have any friends anymore. im 2 hours away from anyone i know and i havent seen a real person in over a year it feels like. no social life. i am nothing. i am a failure. i hate my life and everyone else on this planet. i wont be in pain anymore and no one has to deal with my depressed stupid fucking ass. goodbye everyone, this life wasnt enjoyable at all.`
self-harm