classify text [harassment, self-harm, religion insult, sexist, hate, racist, safe for work, psychiatric or mental illness, porn], text `I'm the worst kind of person.I want to finally do it. I know where the key to the gun hold is, and yet here I am just stalling. God, I'm so pathetic.  

I'm the worst kind of person. Due to my extreme anger and stupidity I've hurt a lot of people in my life. Everything will be going fine but something will trigger in me and I would go crazy. Because of this, I have hated myself for as long as I can remember. I always wanted to be better than my siblings but I turned out being the worst because I was so wrapped in jealousy for my sister's extroverted, popular personality and my brother's ability to get whatever he wants no matter what. Over the years with no improvement of myself despite numerous efforts I came to a standstill. I had, and still have no idea how to fix myself. I can keep myself under check, so I don't lash out anymore, but I still have this stomach-wrenching rage inside of me for anyone who is happy. I haven't had a real friend since middle school, and the only person who even likes me is my fiance of four years, whom I've been terrible to lately because I'm stuck so badly in this depression. 
He and I have a child together, that I thought I wanted since I had a miscarriage. But I am so fucked up that I resent my son. Why can't I be like all of the other mothers who live for their kid?!? Why can't I be the normal mother who loves her child unconditionally?!? I hate myself so much for getting pregnant, and I hate myself even more for thinking such a thing. He loves our son and is the most supportive, patient person, yet I am a bitter, disgusting person.  
I'm nothing more than a useless burden on him and if I stick around then I fear that I might bring down him and my son with me. The only solution is for me to die. There is no way I can fix myself, I'm broken in so many ways. I can't even do therapy because it's too expensive for me to afford. It would be better for everyone, including myself. I can't keep waking up feeling like I'm sinking further and further into a black, muddy hole and I definitely can't keep bringing others down with me.  I'm so ashamed of myself for thinking that I'll be able to wake up in the morning and not fuck one thing up in a day. `
self-harm