kelaskan teks {gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis}, bagi dalam bentuk JSON {'kelas'}, teks `2020 you suckI am at a loss right now of where to go for help. I have never been one for therapy, I've tried it and always end up quitting. Also I'm pretty sure that's not an option right now with everything shut down. I tried to sign up for online counseling today and its $180 a month which is insane. So here I am because I need to get my feelings out somewhere and I feel like a burden going to family or friends. I  have experienced anxiety for as long as I can remember, even as a child. The depression along with it probably started when i was about 15. I have been on medication on and off since then. I am 29 years old. I am a nurse and even before this pandemic I have struggled some days with my job.  I often work 12 hours/4 days a week and that can be so hard when you spend all day caring for other people yet all of your energy seems to get used up just trying to get yourself through the same day to day routine. Then you come home at 8PM shower eat and have to be be at work at 7am for another 12 to 13 hours.  I am always EXHAUSTED. Even when I dont feel super depressed I am exhausted which in turn makes me more depressed because I feel like I dont have enough energy to get through my day to day tasks.  This in turn revs up my anxiety....its just a vicious cycle.  On top of this my boyfriend of 2 years just broke up with me a few days ago while I've been quarantined at home for possible covid. I loved him very much and still do, but have strained many of my family relationships and also lost friendships over it during this time for several reasons. If I went out for drinks with friends or really anywhere for that matter it was always an issue and always ended up with me being on my phone the whole time messaging him so he knew I wasnt talking to guys who I was with etc. It always ended up in a fight. This ended up with me starting to ditch plans with friends at the last minute or not go out with friends or any of my family members at all. My life consisted of going to work, being at home, and being with him which was only 1 to 2 times a week because he was polyamarous(which I am not and the relationship was not open on my end) and had another partner with kids and another child outside of that relationship. I was not allowed to be around the children because the other partner was not really completly ok with him being polyamarous and his daughters mother didnt want to cause any issues. It was basically a big clusterfuck. He would get his one child every other weekend and that was my weekend off of work. I wouldve absolutely loved to have spent that time with him and his daughter but I was not allowed. I felt like if I went anywhere I was always being punished with a fight, or argument, or an accusation that I was out cheating. I know this was a very toxic and unhealthy relationship but my self esteem took a major toll during this time. It was probably never the greatest to begin with but this really made it much worse. He repeatedly told me how no one else would ever want to be with me, just to fuck me, but nothing more than that. After a while I've started to believe it. I've had to delete all guys off of my social media, even coworkers. He knew the amount of friends I had on facebook at all times. If I made a "new" friend I would get accusations that I was cheating on him or that I needed attention from guys because he couldn't give me enough. I had to be visible on snapchats map at all times. If I wasnt I was accused of cheating on him. I remember once my phone died while I was out at the grocery store and I just about had a panic attack because I knew that I wouldnt show up on the map with my phone off and what was going to come after that. It's such a sickening feeling re reading when I'm typing and knowing that if this was a close friend, family member, hell anybody I would tell them to run far far away because this is clearly an abusive relationship. But we would fight and then we would make up and he would be the sweetest person and say the sweetest things and treat me like I was the only person who ever existed. Even aside from all of the emotional abuse we just understood each other on some level that I cant really explain and I dont know if I'll ever experience again. So on top of suffering from anxiety and depression I am dealing with the aftermath of this and it sucks. I have been having suicidal thoughts constantly all week. I even wrote a letter to my family. I dont think I really want to die I just dont want to feel this way anymore. I hate feeling so out of control with my emotions. I hate having to struggle so much just to make it through my day to day life. And I know it can get better. I also know it can get bad again. I know nothing is good all the time but I just wish I could find some happy medium. I also dont think I know how to be happy outside of a relationship and just be happy with myself. I'm not looking for answers, just maybe someone who has any insight, advice, wants to talk etc.`
{"kelas": "mencederakan diri sendiri"}