teks: How can I carry on when I have no one left?I've posted here before but decided to give it more time. Posting this on my main account because idc anymore.

It's been 4 months since my best friend cut me out of her life. I made a long unsentletters post the other day. Look at it or don't. It sort of explains more on to why I'm suicidal. She was the only one who I ever had and could trust. She was always the only light in the darkness that is my life. I've tried moving on. I've tried getting professional help. I've tried anti-depressants. Nothing has helped me. I still have no one and nowhere to live. I spent the last of my money paying someone to get me this bottle of vodka. I'm ready to down it and go wander off into the cold (feels like -13°F so shouldn't take long). It's the only way I'll ever actually go through with it. I've tried other means but I've always just broken down crying before I'd do anything. 

It's funny. A year ago I was voted most likely to succeed by my graduating class, and now here I am with nothing and no one. 

I don't even know why I'm posting again. I guess part of me wants to live, but not with all this pain, both emotional and physical. If only there were some way to go back and start over. 

But it doesn't matter. Nothing does anymore. Bottoms up reddit 🍻
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