classify text [gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis]

teks: Nearly 2 years ago I hooked up with a trans sex worker and I fear she might have had a hidden camera set up and will upload the video or blackmail me.Last 3 years I was drinking and doing alot of drugs. I did alot that I'm not proud of, stuff. To hurt myself I emberassed myself publicly. One of the things I did was nearly 2 years ago I hooked up with a trans women sex worker. I got into the porn and even texted on tinder. I wasn't really into it yet I went ahead with it.  There are moments like the one I'm having now where the thought of that person having a hidden camera and uploading the video online comes up and I want to kill myself.

I cannot take it. I have nothing against trans people but after the night I realized it was not my cup of tea, and we were cordial with each other and the interaction was pleasent yet I'm terrified of this. I was high and drunk and I know there are malevolent people out there and I'm just so scared of that happening.

The fear of this has made me become a recluse. I do not go anywhere I haven't even tried at a romantic relationship. I met a girl I like and the thought of her finding out what I did and was doing with drugs made me ghost her and I regret it so much. This fear will never leave me cuz I'll always have the fear that all those things I did will become public and everyone will see me doing that stuff. I see a therapist but tbh the only thought that brings me peace is the thought of death. Killing myself will bring me peace.

Reason I haven't is because of my mother. It would destroy her and she's lived a very hard life. 

I'm scared. I'm tired.
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