teks `I've been thinking of killing myself for quite a while nowI work in the medical field, and I know what happens if I tell someone this.  And I don't want that to happen.

At first, I worried a lot about being a burden to other people.  I didn't want someone to have to clean up the body.  I didn't want to cause damage to property as a result of my selfish desire to end my life.  Maybe my family would be upset, who really knows.

But something changed.  And now I honestly don't care who finds me.  I don't care who I inconvenience.  I don't care who misses me.  I want to die.

I really don't think I'll kill myself today.  But I've been inching closer and closer to the darkness.  I started with cutting.  Nothing deep, just enough to feel some pain.  But the funny thing was that it didn't actually hurt.  It really felt *good*.  And I felt good for a while.  I realized that the euphoria was quickly wearing out between cuts. 
 So I cut deeper.  And I experimented - is it better to cut when my skin is wet or dry; should I use a forward stroke or backwards; should I run water over it so that the blood doesn't clot.  It helped to prolong the pain, but it wasn't long before it only felt good while I was drawing the blade through my skin.

I started putting a belt around my neck a couple of days ago.  I just wanted to see what it felt like.  I've been cinching it tighter and tighter.  Feeling my gums swell and my sight go black.

Now I'm sitting here with a belt snug around my neck.  I can feel my carotid pulse bulging against it, and it's so fucking annoying.  I wish my heart would stop and then the annoyance would go away.`, kelaskan teks guna labels {gangguan, kebencian, porno, penyakit psikiatri atau mental, sifat perkauman, penghinaan agama, selamat untuk bekerja, mencederakan diri sendiri, seksis}
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