When it comes to believing that women can do ANYTHING I am at the front
of the line cheering the loudest. I have seen & lived through the incredible things we can do & overcome be them triumph or adversity. Women are impressive human beings kinda of like circus performers with an innate ability to spin many plates in the air at one time without allowing any to fall & break. That being said, I think there is an unspoken expectation that we are somehow Super Humans who are supposed to take on all of the worlds problems along with our own and deal with them without the help of others. I’m not sure if it is born into us or if it is learned through society, movies & TV, but it’s there. More often than not, when I talk to women who are completely stressed out and overwhelmed and I ask them why they don’t seek out help from others, they always say, because I’m supposed to be strong enough to handle it myself right? WRONG!!!
I know that you’ve heard me say at least a hundred times that in life I am of the belief that “It takes a Village”. People helping people so that no one has to do or face things alone. If we are going to compare ourselves to Super Heroes then lets not forgot that even Super Heroes have helpers, they are called Sidekicks…so if you think of the people in your life/your Village, as Sidekicks, would that make it easier for you to go to them when you are in need of help?
In my life it is no secret that my Village has come to my rescue on more than one occasion, so I know how important it is to utilize their help. It is because of them I have been able to overcome so many obstacles in my life. I am a better person because of them.
Recently I’ve heard from many Single Moms who are struggling , exhausted and frustrated from trying to do EVERYTHING by themselves while running the business of raising their families alone, and they are at the end of their ropes. They are looking for answers to solve their dilemmas and as much as I wish that I had simple quick resolutions for them, I just don’t. The best I can do is share the following information with you all hoping that a few things that I have learned along my journey might help, so here goes:
1) No matter how strong a person you are, try to remember that you aren’t supposed to do everything by yourself. I know so many people who have experienced incredible & unimaginable events in their lives who were strong of spirit & soul but who could not have survived everything without the help of others. We have to stop believing that getting help means we are weak, when it is honestly just the opposite. It is a sign of wisdom when you know that it is time to ask for help. So even though you are strong & amazing I encourage you to reach out to others in your Village, I promise you that they have been waiting for you to ask so they can be there for you.
2) Don’t compare yourself, your family or your current situation to ANYONE else’s – EVER! It is unhealthy & a waste of energy. How many times do we tell our kids that exact thing as they express jealousy or inadequacy when it comes to comparing themselves to the other kids at school? Think about the great advice that you give to your teenagers to help them, doesn’t that same advice hold true for you as a Single Mom? Your life isn’t like anyone else’s. Your situation has different factors in it, so stay focused on the things that effect your family and don’t cloud your vision with the details of someone else’s life. When something good happens for another Single Mom you know, be sincerely Happy for her without feeling envious or mad. You aren’t a part of her journey, so you aren’t entitled to receiving something great just because she has. Your time will come. Take a deep breath and remember to start from where you are right now. You can’t change the past, so don’t waste time dwelling in or reliving it, nothing will change. You can’t predict tomorrow so stop worrying/obsessing about it. You are responsible for the here & now of your life so pay attention to the decisions you make today because they will shape tomorrow for you and your family.
3) Slow down occasionally. Take time to listen to what is inside of your heart. It is way too easy to get caught up in the everyday life noise as it comes at you from all sides and drowns out your inner voice & thoughts. I understand that you are on the go running here and there with the kids, working and running errands, but if that is all you are doing each day then you are missing some very important pieces of your life. Make the time to be still and listen so you don’t lose focus of all of those things that are important to you and your family. See if you have 5 minutes each night before you go to bed or in the mornings before you get up to just sit still & think about those things. You will be surprised at what a difference it will make in keeping your mind and heart on the same track. I know that it isn’t easy but it is worth it if you decide to give it a try.
Well there you have it – my two cents worth of input for the Super Hero known as the Single Mom. I completely believe in your unlimited strength & determination and all of your Super Powers, I just think that you should remember that you are surrounded by people who are just waiting to tie on a cape and become your sidekick, because they want to help you. They care about you more than you realize, so give them a chance will ya? you may enjoy the company.
So fly on Super Mom, keep leaping those tall buildings in a single bound, just don’t forget that you don’t have to do it alone.
Keep up the good work raising that beautiful family of yours. You are AMAZING!
Sending you wishes of Love & Light always…….. Torie B.