Standing on the balcony, fingers curled around the railing she sees those who she has known her entire life who still have no idea who she is. In the shadows of the dimmly lit balcony she watches their faces glowing in the light of the fire. Smiles dancing and voices mixing. She’s grown into a woman and they don’t even see her. Her grip tightens on the railing and she thinks hard about her next move. She glances back at the suitcase waiting on her bed. The job isn’t much, but it’s a start. Nobody has noticed she is missing. No faces looking around. No mouths saying her name. She is about to turn to leave when she notices two eyes fixed on her. Amidst the smiles and laughter his face is stone. His gaze searches hers. This unknown face staring in the dark. She searches his features for any recognition. There is none. He knows. She isn’t sure how, but she knows he has figured it out. He breaks his hold on her and starts walking toward the house. She shakes her head as if to clear her mind. Turning she picks up her suitcase and reaches for the door handle. It starts to open before she has even touched it. She has barely enough time to register his gaze before he is on her. His hands wrap around her waist his mouth collides with hers and she is pulled tightly against him. His fingers spread against her back and his lips make their way to her neck, her ear. “Come with me.” are the words whispered against her hair. As he leans back his eyes bear into hers. She isn’t sure what’s happening, but in her mind she has made her decision. A bright light flashes too quickly and too brightly for anyone to be sure it’s real. The next morning her mother finds her still packed suitcase laying on the floor inside her bedroom door, but she is never seen again.
I have come to find that learning the truth about yourself can be one of the hardest things to deal with. At least that’s how it is for me. I had this image of myself in high school. By the end of my senior year I could look at myself in the mirror and know who I was. Sure there were times when things were a bit confusing or I felt frustrated with some circumstances, but I knew who I was. Now there are so many times when I look in the mirror and have no idea who’s eyes are staring back at me. Maybe the attachment to one person and the complete respect and concern for their opinion is part of it. I feel like I have failed so many times that I wonder why he stays. I know I can somewhat cook (when I actually DO cook), sure I can do laundry, and maybe I can make a good joke every once in a while, but more often than not I feel my insecurities, temper, and lack of filter or common sense would out weigh the good stuff I do. But yet he stays. He’s more gentle and forgiving than I think I deserve. The way he looks at me is overwhelming at times. His brown eyes say so much. He gives me the brutal most honest truth about myself and lets me know he is frustrated with me, but even after all the times I stress him and piss him off, he stays. I am still trying to figure out who I am and can’t believe he’s sticking around through that struggle. I just hope I figure it out soon.