I get one question consistently from my blog and FB page and actually, in the past few years, in real life. It's some iteration of, "How are you so upbeat all the time?" Or, "How are you so grateful after everything you've been through?" Or, "What the hell are you go gotdamned happy about?" People sometimes don't like it when you are happy. Sometimes, though, they want what you have.
This is surprising to me as I don't think of myself as someone who is shiny happy all the time.
I'm not so upbeat all the time. Things suck sometimes and that is just fine. So what? It sucks, I get in a bad mood, I hate everybody and myself. I think people tend to think if they complain and say something sucks and feel sorry for themselves, that they are not living in gratitude or light, but it's not true. I believe we have to feel and accept the darkness in order to feel the light. TO REALLY FEEL IT. For a while. And then we go on to find something, anything, to be grateful for. The shit passes. It really does.
I get in dark places. I've been in VERY dark places in my past, even after getting sober, it took years to get to a place on contentment and gratitude that I've found today. I've been in bad relationships, bad jobs, and just unhappy with myself and my life. And while it may have taken longer than it "should" have, I got out. The only way to change your life is to CHANGE YOUR LIFE. Make the change you want to see happen. I'm not getting all Tony Robbins on your ass, but dammit, stop whining and do something about it. I say that to myself all the time. It all comes from within ourselves.
I only know what I live. I go to AA. I work the steps. I find 5 things to be grateful for every damn day. GRATITUDE WORKS. Nothing else worked for me. NOBODY wants to go to AA or a 12 Step program, but based on the emails I get, many of you want to fill the hole in your soul. I cannot stress it enough. Everyone needs something. 12 Step Programs don't fill that void for a lot of people, but I do hear over and over and over and SEE IT working for so many who resisted so hard at first. Give it a chance. What have you got to lose? Don't make excuses, just try something different.
I fill it the hole in my soul with universal love, helping others, and gratitude for all I have today. It takes a lot more energy and stress to be angry and bitter. I AM LAZY. Living in gratitude and hope takes less energy than holding onto resentment and anger. You know the saying, "holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other guy to die"? The 12 steps have given me the gift of being able to let go of resentments and THAT, gives me freedom. I see resentment and bitterness in people and it is such a turn off, I'm repelled by that garbage. It's toxic. And it just so happens I like to be happy. Living in gratitude helps me do that.
It's not easy, it's not all shiny puppies and rainbows and unicorns and rainbows and polka dots and SPAZ DANCING ALL THE TIME. Life is hard. How we choose to approach it with our attitude makes all the difference in what that can look like. Don't cover anger and hurt. FEEL it. FEEL it. FEEL IT. And then work through it.
That's my basic response to so many that have reached out to me. If you are struggling with gratitude and with finding something to be excited about waking up for. Find one thing. ONE THING. I focus on having a roof over my head many times. Being a free woman - I am not locked up anywhere. I have food to eat. Any furries that you have that love and depend on you. The list can then go on and on. Just keep doing it. Keep choosing hope. Every day. That's all I need to worry about is today. Tomorrow is a whole different deal. If I can do my best today and be grateful for all I have, I am a successful. And success from where I'm standing feels pretty gotdamned good.