So it’s been a while since I just sat and thought.
Just thinking: no straightening my desk, or thinking of ways to procrastinate, or having an episode of Desperate Housewives (yes, I’ve returned to one of my trashy guilty pleasures) playing in the background, or scrolling through Instagram.
But here I sit, in my empty dorm room, every sound of the keys echoing off the empty walls, thinking.
I look over into my floor length window to see myself as I think; the curls of my bun that wisp about my face from the lack of shower post-run today, this sweater that covers my strong arms being worn one last time before it gets trashed, my crossed legs, having floor time on my yoga mat.
I am amazed at where the Lord has brought me in the past year. This body has grown and changed, been broken and strengthened.
The last time I packed up and moved away from Penn everything changed.
I spent my last week alone in my room slowly packing as my roommate had already returned home for the summer. My last days spent procrastinating with a new relationship. And my last night with a wonderful friend pulling my first official all-nighter.
To sum up the past year in words would be to do it injustice.
To sum it up in a prayer would take all night.
Instead I will sum it up in a picture. One of my favorite pictures of myself, my free spirit, my joy, and Christ in me.
This picture is one that helps me understand even when I don’t know how to put it into words what this past year has meant for me. It has meant independence and travel. Freedom and self-love. Selfishness and freely giving.
I am a very different person from the Melanie who sat in her darkened room thinking last year.
This year, I spent my last week alone in my single room slowly packing and moving. My last days spent returning to running and catching up with friends. And my last night sleeping in this room, with nothing but two suitcases packed and ready to go.
The last time I did this moving thing, my dad picked me up, helped me load the car, and took me out to eat before we left.
This time, I redeem my free frozen yogurt, lug my two suitcases to the station, and catch a train by myself.
Maybe that is it. Maybe those last two sentences sum up this past year. From last year to this year.
I am so thankful for the lessons it taught me, the sights it brought me, and the joy that bursts from this soul. I am a senior now. What will the next year bring?