What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.
I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days.
When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper "You did this."
What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"? About three inches.
Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican? They steal all the green cards.
Three words to ruin a man's ego...? "Is it in?"
How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common? One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
Why can't blondes count to 70? Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.