Speaking of finding myself in someplace that makes me miserable…I’m finally coming to terms with something I’ve been denying for quite some time. Texas. Hates. Me.
Here I am in Texas, square peg, round hole, not a yoga studio in 20 miles, no vegetarian restaurants, but a gun range within 5 miles and four donut shops. I miss Farmer’s Markets! I miss organic-hippy stores! I miss a yoga studio around every corner. I miss fresh sea food. I miss tree’s and flowers everywhere because the deer don’t eat them. I miss going bare foot in the grass because I’m not worried about poisonous spiders, snakes, or red ants. Or ticks FROM THE DEER. Also, the whole culture is just different. It’s meat and guns and donuts. It’s a willful ignorance of healthy living, of our bodies being the only ones we have until it’s done with us.
This is a real-life example of what I mean: (Overheard a babysitter scolding a young child).
“You need to eat a hot dog instead of that apple and peanut butter, Claire. It’s healthier.”
I think she must have heard my brain stutter to a stop from across the room. Bom, bom, bon booooom.
It’s HEALTHIER!? A HOT DOG!? The same food Time magazine just had an article about saying it’s as bad for you as smoking!? UGHHHH WHERE IN THE WORLD AM I!?
I actually reached over, took the babysitter’s hand and told her, “No, sweetie, no, it really isn’t!” I explained that apple is a fruit, and therefore superior in almost every way to the heavily processed, who knows what-kind-of-meat-is-in-it hot dog. That peanut butter is an excellent way to fill up on good fat and protein. I may not be allowed back to that restaurant again…
I mean, I’m still eating the hot dog but at least I have the good sense to feel guilty about it. At least I know it’s bad for me! What do these people eat when they’re NOT being ‘healthy!?’ (Shudder, shudder). Texas, you obviously need me. You don’t WANT me, but sweeties you NEED me. I’ll have you eating eggplant and zucchini spaghetti for supper and doing yoga and going for walks in the neighborhood. For FUN.
I’ll even go to the gun range again if you let me sit down with you and explain why our bodies run better when we add fruit and vegetables to the dead animals in our diet.
Should I have a warning in here that I’m being a little offensive?
It’s been so great being home. I’ve only been in Texas for a year but enough that when I came home last week I just felt a big weight come off my shoulders. The weight of ‘who is packing today at the grocery store?’ Of, ‘will there be another Tornado warning today?’ Of no one to watch Ellie while I get my head straight with some clarifying yoga.
We’re in Texas until Bill retires there isn’t much I can do about that. I will focus on the positive and let the negative fall away. All the negative are things I can’t control so I won’t waste (any more!) energy on it. Over the years Texas will change me, but I’ll change it too. (Rah!)
Meanwhile I will practice some self-care, and some self-compassion. I will remember ‘Your Vibe will Attract Your Tribe!”
Here’s Angela’s 11 Steps to Self-Care:
1. Love yourself. Really, deeply, embarrassingly, with total acceptance of all the parts you hate, love yourself. You won’t be a narcissistic maniac. You’ll be a healer.
2. Trust yourself. If it feels wrong don’t do it. You don’t need to rationalize or explain.
3. Watch your thoughts. You’re in control, not the running monologue of negativity you may hear.
4. Understand your words have power.
5. Say yes when you’re scared.
6. Say no when you’re tired.
7. Even when it feels ridiculous, don’t give up on your dreams. Fight for it.
8. Avoid unnecessary drama when you can.
9. Acknowledge it and see if you can find some peace with it, if you can’t.
10. Forgive yourself. You’re just a silly human doing your best with what you’re given.
11. Ask for help. Don’t take yourself too seriously. It isn’t your job to heal the world, to eliminate poverty globally or to raise those kids alone. If you look around, there is help.
I didn’t include ‘don’t choose a hotdog over an apple and peanut butter!!’ But that goes without saying. Also, maybe, ‘Don’t give unsolicited health advice to strangers’ should be there too. Even if your motives were sincere.