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45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.
R.I., police charged Gregory Rosa, 25, with a string of vending machine
robberies in January when he:
Karen Lee Joachimmi, 20, was arrested in Lake City, Florida for robbery of a Howard Johnson's motel. She was armed with only an electric chain saw, which was not plugged in.
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I, after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, which weighed 30 pounds each and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind.
The Belgium news agency Belga reported in November that a man suspected of robbing a jewelry store in Liege said he couldn't have done it "because he was busy breaking into a school at the same time." Police then arrested him for breaking into the school.
Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself.
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
ARKANSAS: It seems one customer couldn't wait to buy some beer. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab the booze, and run. So he lifted the block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
In order not to be
identified by his clothing, a North Carolina bank robber stripped to his
underwear and shoved a large wad of cash inside them. He was later "debriefed"
when someone reported a man with strangely bulging underwear running down
1992, robbers in Las Vegas held up a van thought to contain gambling chips,
only to find that it was carrying potato chips instead.
A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her.
Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles an hour. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her.
Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out.
cops were standing their waiting for her. Without batting an eye, she
said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it."
DAVENPORT - Fortunately for Deputy Elbert Austin the bite of the North American Iowa Speeder is not poisonous - but they can be vicious when cornered. He found that out when he pulled over Leslie Hebeler to give her a $54 traffic ticket.
She refused to sign
the ticket and became belligerent, and when he tried to arrest her she
sank her incisors into his arm. That happened last June. The courts didn't
support her claim of harassment, however, and recently handed her a 60-day
jail sentence and $1,000 fine, plus court costs.
California Man Stiffs Hooker, Calls Cops
An excerpt from our
idiot files: A Southern California man called the police claiming that
he was robbed by a prostitute and her pimp. When the police asked for
details he told them that he ordered a prostitute through an escort agency
and when she came to the door, he decided she was too ugly to pay for
and told her to forget it. Her pimp then apparently broke the door down
and stole his money.
Undercover Policewomen Decline to Arrest
Two undercover policewomen
running a prostitution sting in Dothan, Ala., in October declined to arrest
a pickup-truck-driving john, around age 70, despite his three attempts
to procure their services. He first offered to give the women the three
squirrels he had just shot, but they ignored him (too much trouble to
store the evidence). A few minutes later, he added to the offer the used
refrigerator in his truck, but the officers again declined (same reason).
On the third trip, he finally offered cash: $6, but without the squirrels
and refrigerator. The officers again declined but said they resolved to
arrest him if he returned, but he did not.
In November, a patrol
officer in San Antonio confiscated two live bombs and nonchalantly took
them across town in his squad car to the drug property room, having mistakenly
identified them as elaborate marijuana bongs. Two weeks later, police
in Cedar Park (near Austin), responding to a check-cashing store's report
of a "pipe bomb," sent only an animal control officer to the
scene because the 911 operator had instead understood "python."
After shopping a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.
There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I'm sorry for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks."
Their faith in humanity
restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find
their house has been robbed. All the valuables disappeared from basement
to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still
have your car. I have to put my kid through college somehow, don't I?"
Cop Gets Lost on Way to Station
PHILADELPHIA - Officer
Margo Grady was on her way to deliver a rape victim from a downtown hospital
to a police station a few miles away when her car disappeared into the
Philadelphia night. After a couple hours city police began a search for
the missing officer, even enlisting the help of a police helicopter, but
to no avail. It wasn't until seventy miles later that Officer Grady flagged
down a trooper in New Jersey to ask for directions.
Stealing Candy Can Land you in Prison
TEXAS - Currently
serving 16 years for stealing a Snickers candy bar, inmate Kenneth Payne
III will be retried due to jury misconduct. Payne was caught swiping the
Snickers while he was already on parole for Oreo theft. This harsh sentence
was handed down after prosecutors tried him as a habitual offender which
increased his misdemeanor charge to a felony charge. The judge ruled for
a retrial when it was discovered that one juror was found encouraging
the other jurors for a harsher sentence.
The Rookie Cop Disperses a Crowd
A rookie police officer was out for his first ride with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner people."
A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner... NOW!"
Intimidated, the people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.
Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"
chuckled the vet, "especially since this is a bus stop."
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet!" snapped the officer. "or I'm going to let you cool off in jail until the chief gets back."
"But officer, all I wanted to say...."
"You just don't listen, do you? Well, you're going to jail!"
A few hours later, the officer checks up on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
on it," said the man in the cell. "I'm the groom."
A Machete Juggler Gets Pulled Over
A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. "What are those for?" she asked suspiciously.
"I'm a juggler," the man replied. "I use those in my act."
"Well, show me," the officer requested.
So he got out the machetes and started juggling them, first three, then more, finally seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show and amazing the officer.
Another car passed
by. The driver did a double take, and said, "My God. I've got to
give up drinking! Look at the test they're giving now."
in question, a cute blonde as it happens, was pulled over for speeding
by a California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer. When he walked up to
her window and opened his ticket book she said:
bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolman's Ball."
He replied, "No, highway patrolmen don't have balls."
followed a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he'd
said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left. She
was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes.
received in the mail a ticket for $40, and a photo of his car. Instead
of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several
days later, he received a letter from the police department that contained
another picture - of handcuffs. A man
goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him
to let them take him home. He says no - he only lives a mile away.
five blocks from the party the police pull him over for weaving and ask
him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police
radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a
block away. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they will be
right back - and they run down the street to the robbery. The guy waits
and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells
his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking
for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.
hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. X lives there
and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is
in bed with the flu and has been so all day. The police have his driver's
license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing
his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they
find: the police car, lights still flashing.
year old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted
sign which said "RADAR TRAP AHEAD." A little
more investigative work led the officer to the boy's accomplice, another
boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading "TIPS"
and a bucket at his feet, full of change.
The woman in question, a cute blonde as it happens, was pulled over for speeding by a California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book she said:
"I bet you're going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolman's Ball." He replied, "No, highway patrolmen don't have balls."
There followed a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he'd said. He then closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes.
He later received in the mail a ticket for $40, and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police department that contained another picture - of handcuffs.
A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no - he only lives a mile away.
About five blocks from the party the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they will be right back - and they run down the street to the robbery. The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.
A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. X lives there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day. The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they find: the police car, lights still flashing.
a 10 year old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said "RADAR TRAP AHEAD."
more investigative work led the officer to the boy's accomplice, another
boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading "TIPS"
and a bucket at his feet, full of change.
SAN DIEGO - A man
was arrested on suspicion of assaulting his girlfriend in a supermarket
parking lot with a 10-pound tuna. Nicholas Anthony Vitalich, 24, could
be charged with assault with a deadly weapon, police said. He was arrested
Gambler Kills Dealer in Frustration
Hong Kong - High roller,
Frederick Beacham took the life of blackjack dealer Anna Chong after he
lost 46 straight hands. According to police, Beacham said, "I was
betting fairly heavy... no matter what I did she found a way to beat me.
I'd get a 19 and she'd get a 20. I'd get a 20, she'd get a 21. It was
totally unreal... Finally I just went crazy and blew that smile right
off of her face... The next thing I knew, the police were hauling me to
jail. I guess it just wasn't my lucky day."
Burglary Thwarted by Scripture
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop....Acts 2:38!" (turn from your sin).
The burglar stopped dead in his tracks.
The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All she did was yell a scripture to you."
replied the burglar. "She said she had an AXE and two 38's!"
Woman Kills Husband with Underwear
MUNICH - A judge in Munich sentenced a 62-year-old German woman to six and a half years in jail on Wednesday for strangling her abusive husband to death with a pair of long johns. The woman reportedly clubbed her 70-year-old partner to the floor with an ashtray before choking him to death with the underwear.
The judge took into
account that the defendant had suffered more than 20 years of drink-related
violence and abuse. However, her plea of self-defense was rejected after
the court found that the woman faced no serious threat of physical harm
from her inebriated husband.
Spaghetti Jailed in Tortellini Theft
BOLOGNA, Italy - Stefano Spaghetti made Wednesday his own Prince Spaghetti day, and it landed him in jail. Spaghetti, 38, was arrested after police found him helping himself to a free pasta bin from a Bologna tortellini shop while the store was closed for lunch.
It was reported that
as the pasta thief was being led into the back of the police car, he mumbled
to reporters, "And to think I don't even like tortellini."
Pizza Chef Stabbed in Argument
HORNWOOD, NY - An
argument between two pizza chefs about the best way to make a pie ended
when one stabbed the other in the chest, police said. Fausto Pazmino,
44, was charged with assault and weapon possession. He and Gaetano Vitole,
34, were working Saturday night at Silvio's Ristorante in Thornwood, north
of New York City, when they started arguing about how to make pizza, police
said. The argument went on for several hours until Pazmino lunged at Vitole
with a knife, police said.
Spain - Police called to investigate the scene of a burglary in southeast
Spain were surprised to learn that the burglar had left behind a lot more
than fingerprints. He had left one of his fingers. Apparently the man
accidentally cut off one of his fingers while trying to steal a piece
of carpentry equipment from an industrial complex. He was unable
to stop the bleeding and went to the city hospital where officials tipped
off the police. Officers arrested the man and kept his finger as evidence.
Busted for Urinating on an ATM Machine
A Marshfield, Wisconsin, man will spend 20 days in jail... for urinating on an ATM machine. Police say James Turley became frustrated last April when the machine wouldn't give him any money. A security camera caught Hurley in the act. This week, a judge placed him on probation for three years
...and ordered him
not to carry an ATM card.
Innocent Bystander Shot by Police
- A man walking his dog in a residential area took a gunshot wound when
he didn't "duck" for cover. Gary V. Strasburg was struck in
the left thigh and the right ankle by a stray bullet when a police offer
was trying to shoot a skunk. As if being shot was not bad enough, the
officer told Strasburg to wait a minute while he put the skunk in a bag.
"Who's more important, a dead skunk or me?" Strasburg screamed
at the officer. Strasburg was treated at Waukesha Memorial Hospital and
DALLAS - An argument between two nursing home residents ended in fatality when one of the men assaulted the other with a dresser drawer and a cane. According to homicide Sgt. Gary Kirkpatrick Jose Amador, 45, is accused of murdering 54-year-old Elzie Callahan on Saturday in their room at the Professional Care Center in northwest Dallas.
Amador is also charged
with assaulting a nurse's aide who went to help Callahan. She was hit
over the head with Amador's cane, but was not seriously injured. Amador
was finally subdued and is being held on $150,000 bond at the Lew Sterrett
Car Thieves Busted for Asking Directions
After becoming lost
in the Cape Cod town of Barnstable, MA, two auto thieves asked an officer
for directions. The police officer became suspicious because the pair
was so young. He ran a check on the license plate and...sure enough...he
found the vehicle had been stolen recently in Brockton.
Just One More Day Would Have Done It
FORDYCE, Arkansas - One day will get you twenty, or it could for an inmate that decided to flee from jail the same day that a judge ordered his release. Sherman Lee Parks, 50, had served nine months in the Dallas County Jail. According to Dallas County Sheriff Donny Ford, "The judge ruled that since they had been locked up for nine months to let them out."
Parks, now wanted
for an escape attempt was re-arrested and sent back to the Dallas County
Jail the next day.
Burglar Naps His Way Into Lock-up
Bartlett, New Hampshire - Falling asleep on the job couldn't have come at a worse time for Daniel Wootton, 21, of Bridgton, Maine. Wootton was arrested this weekend on account of felony burglary charges after entering and raiding a home Saturday afternoon. After turning the house upside down, Wootton placed his heap of stolen goods by the door, and then decided to take a nap.
"He said he was
real tired and so he was just going to take a quick nap," said police
Chief Bob Snow. "Unfortunately his internal alarm clock just didn't
buzz." A neighbor first sighted the intruder's car in the driveway,
and when the police arrived they arrested Wootton after waking him from
Shanghai Police Set Up Fake Brothel
Those Lishui County
police are clever. In order to generate a little extra cash deputy chief
Gao Mingliang and his subordinates set up a brothel disguised as a restaurant
in May of last year. When the girls lured customers into the back room
the police would bust in and drag the unhappy John to the station where
he would be "fined." The girls would even get performance bonuses
depending on how well they did. The scam fell apart when the brothel owner
was arrested by an officer from a neighboring department, but not before
deputy chief Gao Mingliang and his boys racked up over 80,000 yuan.
PURBACH, Austria -
A thief bit off more than he could chew when he removed his false teeth
to taste some goodies during a raid on a supermarket, then forgot to put
them back in when he left. The man fled when he saw the security guard
shine his torch into the shop, and left his dentures on the cold meat
counter. They were still there when police arrived. According to a police
spokesman, "We don't know who he is yet but the dental records will
be a big help."
Illinois Drivers License Examiners Bribed
An investigation by
the Illinois secretary of state's office uncovered a river of bribes being
paid to drivers license examiners to pass unqualified drivers. Of the
158 drivers recalled in the first wave of tests only 24 passed while 80
others didn't even bother to show up. Some of the retested drivers blew
stop signs, drove up onto curbs, turned into oncoming traffic, one even
stopped at a green light, then drove through the intersection when the
light turned red. Convicted former examiner Dina Bartucci-Miller testified
that she accepted as many as 5,000 to 10,000 bribes. That's a lot of intersections
Acupuncturist Convicted of Sexual Assault
SUDBURY, Ont. - Lawrence
Chan, 48, was recently found guilty of sexually assaulting patients during
acupuncture sessions. On two separate occasions Chan touched his patients'
private parts during the course of his supposed treatment. He pleaded
guilty to one of the counts in which he tried to insert his fingers into
the vagina of a woman seeking treatment for a neck problem, but of the
second count Chan said he was only trying to massage the woman's energy
points, which run through her nipples. The jury didn't buy it.
Africa - A 30-year-old woman took a bite out of crime when she bit off
the tongue of her potential rapist as he tried to force it into her mouth.
She then ran to the nearest police station with the tongue in her mouth.
The suspect arrived a few moments later with blood pouring from his mouth,
hoping to receive medical attention and was arrested immediately. He received
medical attention but it was not possible to have his tongue sewn back
on. Police said the tongue would be kept and used as evidence.
Blind Lookout Man Not the Best Choice
PAWTUCKET, Rhode Island
- It was a case of the blind leading the blind when Kenneth Bartelson
used his legally blind brother, Eugene Allen, as a lookout man during
an attempted robbery. Allen, who can only see shadows and black and white,
reportedly came out of the apartment he and his brother were robbing and
stood next to the neighbor who had seen them and called 911. "When
he saw the second-floor neighbor, he thought it was his brother,"
Detective Raymond Johnston said. Bartelson saw the officers and tried
to flee, leaving his brother behind. However, his car was boxed in, so
he took off running and was apprehended by two officers on a nearby street.
Patience Was Not His Strong Suit
- Patience was definitely not a virtue for a burglar in Massachusetts.
A security tape at a convenience store reveals that the suspect first
broke into the store, returned to his truck to retrieve something and
let the door close behind him so he had to force his way back in. Next,
he pushed and pulled on the cash machine but couldn't break in, so he
got back in his truck and rammed the store and the ATM. When he still
couldn't get in, he threw his arms up and walked out empty-handed.
Man Tricks Girlfriend Into Drinking Sulphuric Acid
Andrew Gardner, admitted
to a jury recently that he tricked his ex-girlfriend, Nina Longe, into
drinking sulphuric acid then callously watched as she died screaming in
agony. According to the prosecution, Longe had suffered the "torments
of hell" as the acid burned its way through her stomach. Attorney's
produced a tape of Gardner's four-and-a-half minute conversation with
an ambulance service operator where you could hear Longe coughing in the
background and her screams becoming continually louder. Gardner had reportedly
called the plumbers and hardware stores for advice on what to do for someone
who had swallowed drain cleaner before he called the ambulance. Doctor
Collins, who performed emergency surgery on Longe, discovered that her
stomach had blackened and perforated and there was extensive damage and
discoloration to almost all of her internal and vital organs. "I
felt without a shadow of doubt that she had no prospect of survival,"
Kidnap Victim Thrashes Her Assailant
A Coos Bay, Oregon
man was guilty of bad judgment as well as assault when he attempted to
abduct a 15-year-old girl. After wrestling her into his truck and driving
off, the tough teen knocked him unconscious against the steering wheel.
She then rolled the truck off a 20-foot embankment, crashing it on the
rocky beach below. The girl told police she has taken several self-defense
Overzealous Cop Having Too Much Fun With Busty Teen
A Jacksonville Sheriff's
department officer has been placed on desk duty for strip-searching a
teenage girl in the back of his squad car. Officer Bruce Van Nelson reported
that he saw what he thought was a rock of crack cocaine in the car when
he stopped the girl outside of the community pool. He took her to his
vehicle and ordered her to remove her bikini top several times in order
to search her. The incident was witnessed by neighbors in a nearby apartment
Illinois Convict's Leg Confiscated
PEORIA, Illinois -
Prisoners can never get a "leg up" in jail. At least not 21-year
old Derrick Echols, who had his false leg confiscated when he assaulted
fellow inmate Rick Grant with it. According to Peoria County Sheriff Chuck
Schofield, Echols's false leg fell off during the struggle so he grabbed
it and tried to hit Grant. Because the limb was used as a weapon, the
sheriff's office is treating it like a home-made knife or any other instrument
that a prisoner might use to harm someone. No new charges have been filed
stemming from the courthouse assault, but the matter will be referred
to the Peoria County State Attorney's office for review.
Big-Assed Thief Trapped in Doggie Door
MADRID, Spain Corpulent
would be thief, Pedro Cardona attempted to enter a house to ply his trade
by "squeezing" through a doggie door. It was a lot like putting
two pounds of bologna in a one pound bag as Cardona became wedged halfway
through. Rescuers were forced to chop the door down with axes to free
Website Photos Trip up Parolee
DENVER, Colorado -
A brilliant parolee put herself back on the hot seat after posing naked
for websites wearing only an electronic ankle monitoring bracelet and
brandishing guns. The nude photographs led authorities to search 32-year-old's
Katica Crippen's home in Denver, Colorado where they found seven firearms.
Crippen, who had been on parole for 1997 convictions in Colorado Springs
for selling drugs and theft, now faces additional charges of parole violation
and felony firearm possession.
TURTLE LAKE, Wisconsin
- Most people may beat themselves verbally after losing all of their money
in a gambling casino. However, John Robert Broos took it to the extreme
when he roughed himself up in the parking lot, then called police to report
that he was robbed. The 57-year-old Minnesota man had the bumps and bruises
to prove the alleged attack, however, didn't have the proper vision to
see that he was being video-taped the whole time. Broos was arrested and
now faces charges of misdemeanor obstruction. Now the real kick in the
head is that in addition to the money he lost at the casino, Broos may
have to pay $10,000 in fines and could serve up to nine months in jail.
- A British woman admitted in court that she bit off more than she could
chew, literally, when she aided a friend in a domestic dispute. Denise
Carr, 32, leapt to the defense of her friend Shelley Hutchinson when her
husband Neil began attacking her. He then began fighting with Carr, and
sat on top of her. Carr told the court she defended herself by biting
her attacker in the groin, but hadn't realized that in doing so, she bit
off his testicle. It was only after the police arrived that the missing
testicle was discovered under a picture frame in the sitting room. Carr
was originally charged with wounding with intent but that was reduced
to affray, which she admitted.
Convict Escapes in Barrel of Hog Slop
LITTLE ROCK, AR -
It may sound like a Paul Newman movie, but this daring escape actually
took place when a convicted killer was delivered from an Arkansas prison
by hiding in a barrel of hog slop. 20-year-old Kenneth D. Williams' prison
escape began when he climbed through an 18-by-16-inch opening into a 500-gallon
barrel full of water, vegetables and table scraps. The slop was later
moved to a prison farm where Williams cut across a field and made it to
the highway. He was captured shortly thereafter and has since been returned
Penitent Rapist Severs Own Penis
SAO PAULO - In order
to "bring himself closer to God," a A 23-year-old convicted
Brazilian rapist sliced off his own penis and flushed it down the toilet.
Flavio dos Santos Cruz was found by prison guards screaming and bleeding
in his cell. "It is written in Bible that if a part of your body
distances you from God, and makes you commit a sin, you should cut it
off," Cruz told reporters. According to urologist Aerton Barbosa
Neves, who operated on Cruz, he will now have to urinate through a tube,
but can still impregnate someone, "albeit only with medical assistance."
Tennessee Man Sentenced for Killing Time
- It's the stuff country song lyrics are made of. Apartment complex owner
Ricky Kees was sentenced to nearly a year in jail for shooting a tenant's
alarm clock with a .22-caliber revolver while he was drunk. After it had
been shot, the General Electric clock kept on ticking, and buzzing, prompting
Kees to return and take a second shot at it. Criminal Court Judge W. Otis
Higgs Jr. sentenced Kees to 11 months and 29 days in jail and to an additional
90 days for drunk-driving offenses.
Waiting for Jewel Thief to Cough Up the Goods
Police are anxiously
awaiting the arrival of a "shipment" of stolen jewelry from
the thief that stole it. The suspect was found lying injured in the street
with a broken hip after jumping from a window with a bag of jewelry. In
a fit of panic, he to swallowed the evidence. An x-ray of the man's hip
revealed the stolen merchandise nestled away in his stomach. Police are
now guarding him around the clock to make sure they can retrieve the jewelry
as soon as "nature takes its course."
Television Thieves Return for Remotes
A pair of burglars
would have gotten away with their haul of televisions if it wasn't for
one factor. As the pair were about to speed off, they realized they had
forgotten the remote controls, so they returned to get them. By then,
a resident had already alerted police after she'd spotted the two men
outside her neighbor's house Sunday loading a television into a sport
utility vehicle. Police said they found Jaron Grosby, 20, behind the wheel
of the SUV, and Wesley Jackson, 20, hiding behind the vehicle. Jackson
reportedly confessed to the officers that he and Grosby stole the televisions
after breaking a window to get into the house.
Teenage Koala Thieves Arrested in San Fran
SAN FRANCISCO - Authorities
have arrested two teenagers for stealing a pair of koalas from the San
Francisco Zoo. What would a couple of young kids want with the expensive,
exotic and hard-to-care-for animals? Not to sell them for a profit, but
to show off to their girlfriends. Zoo officials said the thieves appeared
to have broken through a skylight and slipped into the koala exhibit.
It was unreported whether the stunt had the desired effect on the girlfriends.
The teens, however, were much impressed with the charges of burglary,
possession of stolen property and grand theft.
VINITA, OK - Two friends
could be looking at more jail time after one allegedly tried to serve
a weekend stint in the county lockup for his buddy. Russell Maurer, 30,
was charged with false impersonation after he allegedly tried to serve
time in place of Ryan Miller, 27. Ordered to serve five weekends in the
county jail, Miller planned the switch so he could work the weekend (as
a car salesman) of Sept. 25 to avoid a foreclosure on his home. What Miller
didn't count on is the guards remembering what he looked like from the
previous week. Miller now could face life in prison. Maurer, who is on
probation after a previous conviction on a drug charges, could also face
prison time if convicted of impersonation, Ward said.
Burglar Leaps Into Waiting Arms of The Law
JASPER, Indiana -
In an incredible coincidence of timing, a fleeing burglar landed
right in the long arms of the law, literally. Trent Carie, 21, was inside
the Main Street Restaurant & Bar when a passing police officer spotted
him and suspected a robbery was underway. According to Sgt. Mike Fowler,
Carie ran from the store and jumped over a tall fence only to land in
the arms of another officer and a trooper who had just arrived at the
scene. Carie is believed to be the culprit of at least a dozen burglaries
of several businesses in the area in recent weeks.
Colombian Money Launderer Coughs Up the Dough
COLOMBIA - A wad of
dough was obviously not too hard for a Colombian man to swallow. Alejandro
Londono, 25, was arrested for money laundering at an airport in the western
city of Pereira after allegedly swallowing $40,000 and trying to smuggle
it into the country. Apparently Londono packed the cash inside fingers
cut from latex surgical gloves, each of which contained notes of eight
denominations, and swallowed them.
Chocolate Penis Reveals Burglary Evidence
- A burglar with a sweet tooth may receive his just desserts after he
took a bite out of a chocolate penis in his victim's home. The woman homeowner
reportedly bought the naughty novelty at an Ann Summers sex shop. Forensics
experts in Stockton-on-Tees are in the process of examining the teeth
imprints and saliva traces left on the cream-filled creation.
O.J. Arrested for Assault in Miami
MIAMI, Fla. - O.J.
Simpson, the sports and movie celebrity found innocent of stabbing his
wife to death in 1994, was arrested last week for battery and burglary
in Miami. He supposedly reached into a man's car during a road-rage argument
in December. Motorist Jeffrey Pattinson told police that he slammed on
his brakes and honked at a sport-utility vehicle after he saw the SUV
drive past a stop sign. Simpson stopped, got out, and walked toward Pattinson's
car, where he accosted him. This is not a unique incident, says Olympic
cyclist Thurlow Rogers. He told UPI the confrontation was similar to a
situation in 1994 when Simpson almost hit him with his Bentley and then
pounded his finger into Rogers' chest while he yelled at him. If Simpson
is convicted he may face up to 16 years behind bars.
Man Steals $82,000.00 Worth of Electricity
A 91-year-old Utah
man, who authorities said drew free electricity from a nearby power line
for decades, finally faces theft charges. Clarence Stucki is charged with
stealing about $82,000 worth of power -- but officials from Logan Light
and Power said Stucki admitted tapping into the line as early as World
War II, so the total is likely much higher. The statute of limitations,
however, prevents Stucki from being charged what the power company considers
the full amount. The old crook would still be getting away with it if
he hadn't called his local utility to complain about an outage. Crews
correcting the problem discovered the diverted connection on the roof.
DEVIZES, England -
What seemed like a lucky break proved to be detrimental to Erlestoke prisoners
Robert Denvey, Frank Riorden and Samuel Kerrigan. The trio escaped the
penitentiary via a ladder they found conveniently propped against a prison
wall and a car they found on the other side with its engine running. However,
the eyes of fate were not smiling upon them and the trio crashed the car
into a ditch in thick fog just a few miles from the prison. Too embarrassed
to turn back, they handed themselves over to a woman out walking and asked
her to call the police. This little excursion has added an extra 15 months
jail time to each man's sentence.
Warden Uses Cows to Smuggle Tobacco
INDIANA - An Indiana
Man's plan to smuggle tobacco into prison by hiding it inside cow's rectums
went up in smoke. Former warden John Hester, 51, had the responsibility
of bringing the cows to the Pendleton prison and killing them for regular
consumption within the compound. Hester was trying to trade the tobacco
for money orders obtained for him by an inmate's mother. Now out on bail,
Hester faces seven charges of bribery and is awaiting trial. In an attempt
to explain the complicated smuggling process, Indiana State Police Detective
Gregory Belt stated, "It was stuffed into the cow, and then the cow
was brought onto the floor and it was removed."
BOSTON - They were
supposed to be looking for a WHITE man named James M. Parker who was 30
YEARS OLD (they had a sketch) but instead found themselves a 55 YEAR OLD
BLACK man named James E. Parker and this, apparently, was close enough.
Parker says they wouldn't listen when he tried telling them they had the
HAMBURG, New York
- It is generally not a good idea to call a fire chief if you're an arsonist
and have just started a fire. Nichols Breidenstein did just that after
allegedly setting fire to a shop in Hamburg, New York. After the deed
he tried to call a friend to boast about it, but accidentally dialed local
fire chief Michael Guadango instead. According to Guadango he heard Breidenstein
say, "Dude, it's lit. The whole corner's going." It wasn't until
then that he realized had just incriminated himself and is now facing
Teens Jailed for Selling Friend
Grand Rapids, MI -
Four teenage girls face charges that they allegedly sold a 14-year-old
acquaintance to four men for $80. The four girls range in age from 15
to 17. Three of them attended school with the victim. They're facing possible
life in prison if convicted. Police Detective Karl Holzhueter said he
was "shocked" by the crime. In his words - "You look at
these girls, the suspects, and they are all so young looking. It just
doesn't seem possible that they could have done this." The suspects
allegedly picked up the victim at her home Sept. 29th and told her they'd
received letters from a friend in jail who claimed the girl owed a drug
debt. They threatened to beat her unless she sold her body to work off
Hit-Man Hired for Cocker Spaniel
DES MOINES, IA - After
being struck repeatedly with a sharp object, probably an axe, the Connett
family's dog is recovering at home, and a neighbor is accused of hiring
a canine killer. Louie, a cocker spaniel mix, returned home Tuesday, two
days after being hacked in the face, shoulders, hip and legs, police say.
Roberta Ficek, Louie's neighbor, was arrested Tuesday night in an alleged
plot to pay 29 year-old Denny Brown to hurt the dog. She has been charged
with solicitation to commit animal abuse.
The Wisconsin Supreme
Court will hear arguments this week on whether a deadbeat dad's constitutional
rights were violated by a judge's order prohibiting him from fathering
any more children until he can prove he's supporting the nine he already
has. David Oakley, 34, was sentenced to three years in prison for failing
to pay $25,000 in child support, and the judge also imposed a five year
probation during which he cannot father any more children. Oakley's ex-wife
and mother of four has little sympathy for him. "All he does is get
women pregnant all the time and then not pay child support."
Amish Felons Getting Too Comfy in Jail
- What do you do with a group of felons who grow accustomed to the *conveniences*
of jail? Well four Amish men jailed for vandalism were growing too comfortable
with the TV, electricity, telephone and running water so Russell West,
Buchanan County Jail Administrator, wants their release ASAP. When interviewed,
West said, "I thought we'd better get them out of here because they
were getting too used to it."
Swedish Burglar Calls Police for Assistance
- A 20-year-old man developed what he thought to be a fool-proof robbery
plan. He would wait for the home and garden store employees to leave for
the night and take merchandise. All was going according to plan as he
stuffed items in a duvet cover, when he realized he had no way out of
the store. He tried opening the front door with a crowbar and attempted
to break through a wall in the restrooms. Both efforts were to no avail.
He finally gave up and called the police for help. The authorities were
too happy to bail him out and promptly arrest him.
Police Kill Man Scalping His Daughter
MAY 19, 2001 - Juan
Gutierrez, 24, was reportedly shot and killed by police in Angleton, Texas
after trying to scalp his 3-year-old daughter with a steak knife. Angleton
police chief David Ashburn told reporters that the child's scalp had actually
been cut 4 to 6 inches and Gutierrez was peeling the hair and the scalp
back. The girl's mother, who was separated from Gutierrez, said he had
never been violent and that she did not know what provoked the attack.
He reportedly had come from Houston to celebrate the girl's birthday.
When Gutierrez started scalping the girl, the woman ran screaming to neighbors
who tried to help, but had to back away when he threatened them with the
knife. When police arrived, he refused to stop and he was killed with
a single shot. The girl is expected to make a full recovery.
In 1872, veteran
prospectors Philip Arnold and John Slack bought $35,000 worth of diamonds
in Europe and scattered them on land in Wyoming. They managed to convince
the Bank of San Francisco they had discovered a diamond field and made
California - Arnold Ancheta, 25, broke out of a medium-security dorm only
to hop the wrong fence and end up next door at the women's jail. According
to Mark Cursi, a Department of Corrections spokesman, Ancheta apparently
escaped by squeezing through the bar on the roof of his cell and breaking
out the Plexiglas-covered skylight. He jumped down about 20 feet from
the roof. However, instead of heading toward the fence that leads to a
public road, he jumped a smaller fence and ended up on the women's side
of the facility. Female inmates saw Ancheta running around the yard and
told correctional officers. He was taken to a hospital and then to a downtown