My whole experience started a rather long time ago. I was in Year 2 and I had quite a few friends. I had never had any problems with bullying unless it was messing around with my brothers but none of us ever took it to heart. However, everything chnaged when we moved towns. I went from Hero to Zero. I had originally planned on running away with my friend so I wouldn't have to change schools but I was young and it was just me be a silly 8 year old girl.
As I got older though myn issues increased. It ventured to me self hbarming and cring myself to sleep. People were threatening to kill me, telling me to die already and I began to believe that I wasn't meant to be alive. After all, I was hated by so many people that life just didn't seem right. Every time I logged onto social networking I would have a new list of threats. So one day I decided to look up ways to kill yourself. I attempted drowing myself but I couldn't do it. It was too much of a struggle to me. I attempted to make my dad, whome I don't get along with and don't like, crash the car but I couldn't bering myself to do it. sometihng was holding me back but I didn't know what. It was then in year 8 that two of my aunts passed away. It was a devestating shock for me and I took it as a sign that everyone in my family would soon be leaving me. On the way to my bus stop I put my headphones in and when I went to cross the road I didn't see the car coming. The driver slammed on the breaks and I didn't notice a thing until I heard the car horn telling me to hurry up across the road. It waas then that I realised that my life had come so close to an end but hadn't. Almost like a sentence with a semicolan.
I eventually sorted out my depression issues but I still faced the school yard battle. Wit already being rejected by tow of my friends because they had found somone better I gave up on trying to have a bestfriend. Slowlt overtime i began to feel even worse. This led to me cutting again but only briefly because people began to notice. If there was one thing I hated the most it was pity. Peeople only gave it to me to make themselves feel better. Luckily thoug I did find another friend. We were so close that we were nearly attached to the hip. I had gotten a brighter outlook on life and learnt that maybe I just had to be patient. Besides, good things come to those who wait. Don't they?
Apparently not.Just as my bullying issues had started to die down along came another rude shock. Right before my eyes my best friend was replacing me. I began to third wheel all the time and i got sick of it. I thought that nobody liked me. Honestly though, my only friend had replaced me. I began to cut myself for the third time but this time nobody ever noticed not even my parents. Nobody knows to this day that i did it again. I'm ashamed of what I did but I wouldn't change things. It was my escape and it helped me to feel a pain that only I could cause. I imagined that this was how I made all those people who bullied me feel. I ended up in a rather dark place but in a snese I was alright. I didn't have to worry ab out losing another friend. Honestly I didn't think I could do it but life had othe plans for me.
It was at the end of last year that I found Brittany. She's the most caring pertson I've ever met and she's always sticking up for me. She has showed me what a true friend was and made me belive in myself again. Britt has made me see the brighter side of things and every time I have an issue with someone she helps me sort it out with that person. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't but it's nce to knwot that she wants me happy. Honestly, I never knew what a real friend was. I always thought I did but I didn't. Now, if I said I don't worry about her leaving me I'd be lying. We're all scared of something and mine just happens to be losing people and being forgotten. With my history it's not exactly easy to forgive and forget anymore.
As if things couldn't of gotten any better they did. This year I made another friend. He's younger than me but I couldn't care less. He's got a heart just as big as Britt's and he treats me just the same as Britt does. Without them I'd be lost, I truly would. They've shown me not to loose faith and h=that life is worth living as long as you choose to live it right. My younger guy friend, Billy, has made me realise that somehwere out there is the guy for me and he cinstantly reminds me how beautifula nd special I am. Even though Britt does the same thing it's different coming from a boy. All in all thoug, he my friends and nthing more but it's nice to know he cares so much. It's nice to knwo they BOTH care so much.
I guess my advice would be to never give up. No matter how bad things may seem there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Besides, how are you supposed to continue the book that is your life if you keep re-reading the same chapter. Although my bullying still hasn't stopped to this day and it's been 7 years it's ok. I've got what I need and even if what people are saying to me does upset me I know that in the end I have two amazing friends ready to catch me if I fall adn if you open yourself up then I guaruntee you'll find the same thing. xo
By writing some words below, you are showing your support and letting everyone know they're not alone.