Last week I went swimming and I wore a bikini.
As a new(ish) mum, this is a pretty big deal for me. I never thought I’d wear a bikini again after having Alfie, however after wearing a swimsuit on a hen do and feeling decidedly frumpy, I bought one to see how I looked. How did I look? Pretty good, I think!
I’ve never been particularly worried about my body or how it looks, but I’ve never *loved* it or celebrated how I look. There have been times when I’ve looked my absolute best, yet I’ve still managed to think I was fat and had wobbly bits and didn’t look *perfect*. On my wedding day I was the smallest I’ve ever been as an adult. I constantly have friends tell me how skinny I was then, but I couldn’t see it. Equally, on my honeymoon I didn’t want any photos taken in my bikini as I thought I was fat! Thankfully as the days went on, I cared less about how I looked and more about capturing some lovely honeymoon memories. Now I look back and realise that actually, I looked pretty good!
I think it’s a woman thing that you will always pick apart how you look and forget about how you feel. But then I guess how you think you look does contribute to how you feel. Shortly after our honeymoon, my husband and I joined a local outdoor boot camp to get fit and lose weight (we both put on a lot of weight on the honeymoon and over Christmas immediately afterwards). I’m a bit of a sucker for standing on the scales and worrying about how much I weigh rather than how I look. I looked pretty damn good when I was doing boot camp, but the number on the scales didn’t move much. I now understand this is because muscle weighs more than fat and as I was toning up, my muscles were growing and getting heavier.
When I got pregnant, I didn’t give a second thought to how I looked. I knew I was going to put on weight, and I didn’t care how much. In fact, I was worried at the beginning that I wasn’t putting on enough weight, as I didn’t start gaining weight until about 16 weeks, despite my belly growing. I weighed myself the day before I was induced, and had put on a total of 3 and a half stone, which isn’t really a huge amount, and definitely not loads considering I had a 10lb 3oz baby. I was very swollen in my legs and feet, and also my hands and face, so I was clearly carrying a lot of water weight, so I didn’t necessarily put on a load of fat. But I wasn’t worried throughout my pregnancy about putting on weight.
Initially I was a bit worried about stretchmarks, and every one told me to put on my bio oil twice a day (at least!) but I was so slack at doing it (I was lucky if I did it twice a month!!) so when I got stretch marks I couldn’t really complain. To be honest, I thought I’d got away with it, because apart from a few lines on my thighs, I didn’t get any stretchmarks on my belly until I was 40 weeks (so if he’d come on time, I might have got away with it)!
After having Alfie, it really didn’t take that long for my belly to go down. I think a lot of my weight was water weight, and obviously he was a big baby. I don’t know how big my placenta was because I didn’t get to see it (which I’m gutted about!!) but that could have been quite big as well. So my belly wasn’t huge – not that I was worrying about it at all! Because I’d had a C-section, it was uncomfortable to even sit up or walk, so there’s no way I was thinking about exercise. But I was a bridesmaid at a wedding 3 weeks after Alfie was born. I hadn’t tried on my bridesmaid dress because I was pregnant when it was bought, but unfortunately it didn’t fit – although surprisingly it was because of my huge boobs, not my belly!! I hadn’t even considered that it wouldn’t fit up top. Cue a mad dash to the shops to find a dress that fit me that also fit in with the wedding theme. Thankfully I found a gorgeous dress, that I felt comfortable in (and very surprisingly it was a size 10!!!). I also had a wedding to attend as a guest when Alfie was just 6 weeks old, and again, I was pleasantly surprised how nice I looked. I did wear some spanx to help suck me in, but hey, I think most women have these in their underwear drawer…don’t they?
Since having Alfie, I have continued to lose weight quite quickly, despite the amount of food I’ve been eating!! I put this down 100% to the breastfeeding. Alfie’s always been a hungry boy, so has fed a lot and I think he is literally sucking the fat out of me. I have been on one run since the birth, 12 weeks post-partum and haven’t been on one since! It was hard for me – the actual run was fine, but I was in a lot of pain the following few days, to the point where I struggled to pick Alfie up. I think this has scared me a little so I haven’t tried again, but hopefully I will be able to get back on it soon to get my fitness levels back up (I have a charity run in September that I’ve done no training for!). I also went to on pilates class (technically half a class) which I really enjoyed, but it was the first time I left Alfie and he screamed the whole time and basically scared Craig for life, so I haven’t been back ha!
I am still slightly obsessed with the scales. It makes me pleased when I stand on them because my weight has dropped dramatically. I have lost 4 and a half stone in total, and am now a stone lighter than I was before I was pregnant. My goal is to get back to my wedding weight, so I still have just over a stone to go, but I think once I start exercising again, that will drop off. I have previously gone to a local bootcamp which I’ve always enjoyed and has been fab in helping me stay fit and toned, so I’m hoping to get back there soon.
So do I love my post baby body? Yes. Because it has given me a beautiful baby boy. No I don’t look like a supermodel – but let’s be honest, I didn’t look like a model before the baby, that’s more to do with my face than my body haha! I may be lighter than I was before I got pregnant, but my shape has changed – my tummy is wobbly and I have a slight overhang where my scar is, which I’m doubtful will actually ever go. My bum has all but disappeared, and I used to quite like my big juicy butt! I don’t think my boobs will ever be the same again (although a good push up bra solves that problem!) My skin in pregnancy was amazing – my face was beautifully clear, my eczema cleared up and my legs didn’t have a spot of dry patches on them. Unfortunately, this has all returned since birthing the baby, but it just means I need to up my moisturising routine again. I obviously now have a large scar from the C-section, but actually I love it! I’m lucky I had a fab surgeon who did it so neat, so it looks great. But it’s not something I’m ashamed of and to be honest no one other than myself or my husband is ever going to see it, so it doesn’t bother me at all. Most days I forget it’s actually there (because I can’t see it!) But I have learnt to embrace the changes and marvel at how amazing my body is rather than what it looks like.
This post is part one of two about how mums feel about their post baby bodies. Today’s post focuses on my own personal feelings and tomorrow’s post focuses on how other mums feel – so please do come back and have a read!
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