At the EU meeting, a snot-eating, gibbering lunatic and a boy on work experience discuss who should be Napoleon.
Get real, people, said Premier Snot, Tony Blair is the man for the job. And Imelda, too. It is the right thing for Europe's hard-working homeless families and small gone-out-of-business businesses. The right sol-you-shun. It would be good for the climate, good for jobs and good for snot.
Banana Boy: That's him fucked, then. As well as us.
WHAT THE PAPERS SAY.
From the Arsebridger.
Tony Blair's bid for EU presidency sinks
Ex-PM's chances of winning role slide as Sarkozy and Merkel fail to back him.
On other pages
Sir Michael Kneepads White & Dame Polly Mascara reveal how NewLabour has one last chance to get things right