More and more often tragic stories are springing up in the news about bullying.
From children being beaten on a school bus while their peers record and laugh, to college boys posting public opinions about incoming freshman women and their "availability," to children committing suicide over cyber-bullying, we seem, as a society, to have become more cruel more angry, and more willing to hurt others.
There seems to be a miasma of anger in the air. While we deplore bullying publicly, more and more anonymous posts show up in response to remarks. More and more cruel and hurtful news stories highlight personal attacks against politicians, or actors, or public figures. More and more often society seems to want to tear down those they have elevated.
The Internet is one of the biggest reasons for this explosion of bullying. The Internet is anonymous; the writer can hide behind a screen name, safe in his home from retaliation. This allows that writer the greater freedom to be cruel, to swear, to taunt and to ridicule.
When I write, I write to express an opinion. That opinion may not be my own — I am writing to encourage discussion, to present an alternate side or way of thinking. After one of my recent articles was published, an anonymous poster responded with epithets, swearing, foul language and name calling. Yes, our opinions differed, but is that any reason to respond with bullying behavior?
Yet, we see it all the time on the Internet. Nasty posts in response to a news story, name calling, even threats. Attacks on a writer or poster's personal integrity. Assumptions made about a person, and accusations made, leaving the writer no room for defense. Why? Because someone's opinion may differ from someone else's.
When did it become a crime to be different, to disagree, to look at all sides of an issue? When did thoughts and questions become anathema? It seems that the person who disagrees with the majority — be it a political, social or moral question — comes under fire for having the nerve to express a differing opinion.
I'm an adult. Cyber-bullying usually slides right past me. I have learned to be confident enough that, for the most part, I ignore the idiots who use profanity and epithets to attempt to bully me into agreeing with them. Kids don't.
They're young, and their self esteem is fragile. If an anonymous threat can leave me shaking with fear or anger, what does it do to a child?
The issue is our children. Even as we deplore bullying, we show them by example that it's OK. We call our politicians names, expose the embarrassing secrets of celebrities, promote news stories that contain innuendo and half-truths — or even lies.
Then we expect our children to understand that we "all need to be friends" and that this behavior is unacceptable and causes harm. We're sending mixed messages here, and the kids are following the example that seems to be the most accepted: If you don't like someone, send an anonymous threatening note. Make up lies. Taunt them. Gang up on them. Make them feel threatened, alone and vulnerable.
We have become a "me" society, with the attitude that "my feelings, opinions, etc. are more important, more relevant and better than anyone else's." We have become a society that respects an individual only as long as he is the same as me. We have become a society that has no tolerance for difference.
If this is the message we are sending to our children, that this behavior is acceptable, is it any wonder so many of them are committing suicide?
Perhaps, to stop this epidemic of bullying among our children, we, as adults, need to act like adults. Be kinder. It's OK to disagree, just do it with facts and clear opinions, rather than name-calling and threats. Show manners, be polite and let others know that you understand that your opinions, or feelings, or ideas have no more or less value than theirs.
Freedom of speech does not mean the freedom to abuse others for disagreeing. It means that everyone has a right to his opinion without fear of being publicly flagellated for expressing it.
Let's begin to be a caring society again. Perhaps that is the first step on our path to rebuilding.