These monthly zazenkais really help.
I don't start many threads because I have a bad habit of intellectualizing everything and I'm trying to avoid that. Plus, I always feel like the slow one in the class because people are always talking about their "experiences" and I don't seem to have any "experiences". ops:
On the other hand, I did figure out a few things about Shikantaza and both times it happened during a four hour zazenkai.
The first was the concept of "just sitting" as in don't concentrate on things, dummy! During Buddha's birthday zazenkai, I realized that I had been trying to concentrate on certain things for months. I knew intellectually that Shikantaza doesn't require that but when I stopped doing it and just sat back and was aware of the moment, I realized what I was doing before. (Actually, this kind of reminds me of gymnastics when you don't know you were doing something a certain way until you do it the 'proper' way)
The second time was today. I think I was drifting back to "trying too hard" once again but today I realized what "radical goal-lessness" meant. I was sitting during the first zazen session with Jundo and the gang when I noticed that one of my bras was hanging off my Buddha statue's shoulder (Buddha sometimes sits near the laundry basket. Apparently I missed). So I put the bra completely on the Buddha and had a good snicker. Then came judgmental brain, chastising me for goofing around during zazen and I'll never reach my goal, blah, blah, blah. Then I realized, "what goal?" Wow! What a difference that made for the rest of the mini-retreat. Hard to explain though but it was like buttah. :wink: I realized that what I thought I understood during Buddha's birthday still needed tweaking.
So, as you can see, Tracy's slowly plodding along but hasn't quit yet. Can anyone relate or am I really the dunce in the class? :lol:
***As a side note, not having a camera has its benefits, doesn't it?***** :wink: