It’s been a little over two weeks since I have joined XYZ. I had accepted this role with great enthusiasm for two reasons – the job profile and the opportunity to work with you. Both still hold true and I have great respect and admiration for you after having worked with you in these 2 ½ weeks.
But I have young children and work life balance is very important for me at this stage in life. I feel that it might not be possible to maintain that balance at XYZ.
I have worked long hours and weekends when required, at my previous employer too, but the company culture was more accommodating to working mothers and they allowed lee way for work from home, flexible hours and compensatory days off/leaving early during downtime. I do not feel that I can expect a similar culture at XYZ Finance; maybe my perception is incorrect. The long commute also adds a bit of restriction on my timings – I can either come in early or stay late but cannot do both, on a regular basis.
I don’t know an easier way to say this but I think I should resign from XYZ. I am indeed very sorry to leave and think that I would have been able to provide value and learn in return. I have enjoyed working with Paul very much and had picked up aspects of the FP&A process, created a desk top procedure for the admin budget and forecasting procedure etc in my short time here.
Please accept my apologies for any inconvenience caused to you. I hope there are no hard feelings and I would love to have been able to work for you. Maybe our paths will cross again in the future someday.
Could you please advise me as to my next steps? I will be at home tomorrow and can be reached on my cell phone or via email.
I woke up in the middle of the night due to allergies and checked my email - seven new messages - from my friends, sister, parents all saying different things - it was brave of you to take this step, Good luck, and do not stress now. I cannot breathe. I hope to God its not panic stress which is triggering it but hopefully allergic reaction or something. I sat up and tried to say the Gayatri mantra over and over again. No help. Hugged R who is sleeping next by me, helped a bit. Went over and touched S and then got into bed with P. Touch is such a powerful tool! It works wonders to calm and soothe.
One of my major character flaws is to think that my career defines me. My self esteem and confidence drop when I am not working - maybe because it has never happened. I started working when I was in FY, starting SY - my CA articleship - I was 18 then. I am 34 now, so for the past 16 years, I have always been either working or taking time off from working because I was studying - CA or CPA or my MBA. I have never taken a break and done timepass. So I am not used to it and dont know how. And it scares me. I cannot relax and do nothing or do routine household chores or extended timepass with my kids. I need to have my routine for going to work and then I can arrange everything else around it. I also need to earn my own money even though P can provide for all of us comfortably.
That is the reason why I am behaving as if it is the end of the world around my job search and other job related issues.
But I believe that life is about mistakes to be made and lessons to be learnt. Its a long process of self exploration as you begin to understand yourself better and continue to transform into the person you will be in the future. There are no rights or wrongs - no decision is make or break or irreversible. Every turn you take leads you down a different path.
If I would slog it out here, I would be promoted to Controller within five years but within five years, my babies would be five and nine and I would have missed out on so much with them too. Is it quantifiable - one assures sure success, what about the other? How do you measure time spent with kids, love showered, they might grow up and revolt or grow distant or think of me as a burden. All of these things could happen.
But I am not in it for returns. Parenting should be and is a selfless act. You desire to have children, you give birth to them, you teach them, you hope they grow up to be responsible kind and good human beings, you set them free and then if you are lucky, they will come back and keep coming back and give you as much love as you gave them and more.
So today when I quit my job, I need to decide two things. One is that I will never look back and regret this decision. My Aunt says that all decisions are the best at a point of time, they are not to be re evaluated further down the road when you know more about the future and circumstances are different. So I will not look back and despair.
And I will never say to R and S - See, I sacrificed my career for you girls. I sacrificed my career because I think I need to spend more time with them, I need to be able to leave work to go attend every event with them, I need to make sure I am there to boost their self confidence. Not for them. Kids grow up fine in any circumstance. Everyone is born with their own destiny.
And I need to use this downtime for stress management and telling myself deep in my heart to wake up and understand that there is definitely so much more to life than a job and career. And it will never happen that one who wishes to work will not find any. Depending on the requirements and limitations, maybe it might take time. But diligent efforts always lead to success. So I will pick up my list of pending things, which I have not even scraped the surface off yet, last time, because I was so obsessed with finding a job, and go down the list. I will take deep breaths and relax. I will teach myself stress management - if I behave like this now, I am sure to get a heart attack if I find myself unemployed in my forties or fifties. Thats ridiculous behavior.
And I will soon find a job, something that is convenient for me, something that allows me to manage the tight rope balancing act of being a parent, a wife, a home maker and a professional. I will find work again. I just need to keep the hope and breathe :)