This is a page dedicated to obscenities that Nookie Cookies agents have found while scouring the internet for signs of contamination from the Snack Food Industries.
Amazingly, in our investigations, we found no less than FIVE examples of carrots with sexual characteristics. We will start with the least offensive of the lot.
"Balls Carrot," as he is called, was found at http://www.3pm.ca, a website that seems to take delight in this carrot's perversity. While we here at Nookie Cookies strongly disagree with the opinions of the carrot's owners, it would be immoral of us to not give them credit for it. Perhaps someday they will see the light of the Nookie Cookies Crusade and change their evil ways.
This specimen is one of the most
graphic genetically engineered artifacts of perversion that we at Nookie Cookies
have seen. It is not his anatomy that offends, though, so much as the confident swagger that this rude nude carrot seems to exude. The NSMs make this carrot seem to be proud of itself, just as they are surely proud of their progress in the ruination of America's morals. Nude Man Carrot, as he is called, was found by Liam Selwyn. Click on
the picture to go to Liam's site.
These two appalling examples were found on the usually-reputable auction website, Ebay. It's horrifying to think that there are individuals out there who are not only accepting of the edible atrocities out there, but actually trying to PROFIT from them! These specimens show that there are people against our cause working independently of the SFMs. This is bad news for Nookie Cookies indeed, but we can always keep hope in knowing that, with our morals to guide us in informing the public, we will always have the upper hand.
The Gratuitous GummiThis little fellow is dubbed "Dirty Bassett," after the mascot of the company that made him. He was found by a mother in Britain while she was eating some "wine gums" that are normally geometric shapes. This is an extraordinary find because of its complete lack of subtlety, combined with the act portrayed. Previous submissions have dealt with genitalia and the act of copulation; this one, however, shows an unrepentant young man either masturbating or exposing himself, and quite possibly both at the same time! In addition, its country of origin shows us that Snack Manufacturers in other countries must be considered a threat as well. Before, the only threatening country shared a continent with the US, but now the war is being waged overseas as well. Dirty Bassett's story was found at The Sun Online, a website for a British Newspaper. Click here for the full story.
The Fruit Juice PhallusHere is another find that is simply outstanding in its shamelessness. This is by far the most accurate representation of a human penis that Nookie Cookies has seen yet. As realistic as it seems, it it actually a mold growth that was found in a fruit drink bottle. The story and the picture were found at Click2Houston.com. Click here for the full story.
The Worrisome "Worms"It rarely happens, but sometimes Nookie Cookies specimens are produced en masse, instead of singular "accidents." Truly, the T****i corporation (name changed for legal reasons) is flouting its status as a Snack Food Manufacturer, by massproducing these abominations, even daring to call them "two headed gummi worms. Not only are they a disgusting portrayal of the male anatomy, they are named with a disgusting euphemism for it. Perhaps this may turn out to be a boon for our cause; however. As the SFMs get more careless and obvious with their deviant delicacies, there will only be more evidence of their evil for our cause, and hopefully more support behind us. Image is from Matthew MC Williams.com. Please visit his site, and help fight the good fight!
Naughty NostalgiaWe end this update with a specimen that, sadly, is almost a relief to see because of its innocence compared to the other examples shown here. The medium used for this exhibit, animal crackers, makes the Nookie Cookies staff nostalgic for the "good old days" of food vice investigation, when the corporate criminals of the Snack Food Manufacturing regime didn't dare try to corrupt our minds with disturbingly accurate representations of sex acts and instead relied on subtlety and subliminal messaging to get its point across. These two were found at "Andy's Page of Funny Stuff." (Note: The Nookie Cookies Staff fails to find humor in the horror of these situations, but "Andy" seems to feel otherwise.)
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