So I went to my first AA meeting yesterday and heard stories equally horrifying if not moreso than mine. A friend of mine has really taken me under her wing whom I relate to. Of course the first day I was renewed with a sense of enthusiasm and excitement about getting sober, but today I am weepy and depressed. The problem with most alcoholics is that they drank to self-medicate because they felt like crap. I don’t want to whiteknuckle it or feel bad.
I suppose I’m exhibiting much of what are considered dry-drunk symptoms, but the alternative is not feasible. I am grateful for many small things that have happened but I am still left with nothing right now and can’t drink to escape my malaise. I would really love to eat as well, but I have $2 to my name. That’s what happens when you lose your job, your purse, your cash etc.
Food is rather important I imagine when trying to not feeling depressed. Tomorrow time to look for a job again. There is nothing more than I would like than to go to a holistic retreat for 30 days right now and just be taken care of. Sometimes I just don’t have the strength to play mother to myself.