Fantasy Match: Wahoo McDaniel vs Undertaker
GREG OLIVER - Producer, SLAM! Wrestling
Fantasy booking has always existed for wrestling fans. But with our Great 1,024 Wrestler Tournament, it is a unique chance to end up with some fascinating random matches, pitting a current star against a major name from the past. I couldn't help but imagine a bout between Wahoo McDaniel and The Undertaker ...
GORDIE SOLIE: Gather 'round wrestling fans for this epic match-up. The Undertaker, the Phenom, the Deadman, he has been called all these things by my colleague, Jim Ross, but to me, he is just awesome. I have never seen a big man able to do things that he has been able to do. The closest, in these ancient eyes, would have been The Spoiler, who also wrestled unmasked as Don Jardine. In fact, for a time, the word was that Jardine trained The Undertaker, but that was not the case. Jim?
JIM ROSS: Gordon, as much as I respect and admire The Undertaker -- and I'll admit I'm a little scared of him -- I am going to take the pride of Oklahoma, Chief Wahoo, in this epic battle.
SOLIE: Wait, you're siding with someone from Oklahoma?!
ROSS: I resemble that remark, Gordon, if I may paraphrase Jesse Ventura. Wahoo is tougher than 10-year-old rawhide, nastier than a bronco in heat, and meaner than a badger mama kept from her young'uns.
Dong ... Dong ... Dong ...
SOLIE: And we're under way. Up to Mike McGuirk.
MIKE MCGUIRK: Introducing first, hailing from Death Valley, and accompanied by his manager, Paul Bearer, it's The Undertaker...
(Undertaker arrives and stares down Mike McGuirk, sending her scurrying from the ring.)
ROSS: I don't think that the Deadman is in a good mood today, Gordon.
SOLIE: You can say that again. Poor Mike. She didn't deserve that. She's just doing her job.
MCGUIRK (from ringside): And his opponent, from Bernice, Oklahoma, the one, the only ... Wahoo McDaniel!
SOLIE: Wow, the crowd is soaking it all in. I'd say the reaction is split down the middle, with each of these warriors receiving cheers. While the referee, Jimmy Korderas, gives the instructions, let's talk about how each got to this stage of the tournament. Wahoo McDaniel beat the stuffing out of SD Jones, who is no slouch. On the other side of the ring, The Undertaker manhandled Sylvester Terkay. That one was no contest, really. I can't say the same here, J.R.
ROSS: No, Gordon, I expect this to be a real slobberknocker, the kind of match that you will remember forever.
(Ding. Ding. Ding.)
SOLIE: And we're off. Both men are circling each other, warily. It's a lock-up. Wahoo is giving up some height to the Undertaker, but their weights aren't all that different.
ROSS: Wahoo has that lower centre of gravity.
SOLIE: Ooh. Wahoo just got outmuscled! He scurried smartly into the corner to lick his wounded pride.
ROSS: Looks like he is getting angry. An angry Wahoo means Undertaker had better watch out.
SOLIE: You're right. Here he comes, charging out of the corner. Bam! Right into Taker's midsection. He's winded and staggering. Wahoo moves into a football stance and is waiting for his chance.
Boom! What a football tackle. I am surprised the ring held up. Rights and lefts, and Taker tries to cover up. He rolls on his side, but Wahoo isn't letting up. There are going to be some bruises on that big boy later.
ROSS: I have NEVER seen the Chief so angry.
SOLIE: Or the Undertaker so dominated. He is almost cowering, unable to get out of Wahoo's assault.
ROSS: The referee has moved in to stop things, as Taker has made it to the ropes.
SOLIE: But Wahoo isn't stopping!
ROSS: Taker slides outside the ring. He's hurt, Gordon. Limping.
SOLIE: Well, he has a 10-count to collect himself. Wait, no, here comes Wahoo again!
ROSS: What's he got in his hand? I can't tell from here!
SOLIE: It's, it's, it's brass knuckles! They have been banned here since 1979! Oh my God, he is wailing away on the Undertaker. His face is a crimson mask!
ROSS: I can't believe this. Wahoo has gone insane. He is not stopping!
(Ding. Ding. Ding.)
SOLIE: But the match is. The referee has called for the bell.
ROSS: Here come the troops to pull Wahoo off. They are having a hard time controlling his bloodlust.
SOLIE: George South just took some knucks to the nose. He's busted open too.
ROSS: There is a pool of blood forming under The Undertaker.
SOLIE: But will you look at that? He's, he's, he's getting up!! Unbelievable.
ROSS: Look at his eyes!
SOLIE: I think Wahoo sees them too! He's taking off! But he just slipped in some of the blood! The Dead Man has him, and is choking him. There's blood everywhere!
ROSS: Security is coming down too now. This is not a wrestling match, but a blood feud.
SOLIE: They have not seen the last of each other, that's for sure.
ROSS: I might want to sit further back the next time these two fight. There's blood on my shirt, Gordon.
SOLIE: Mine too.
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