Dear Little One,
I had another dream. It was short and simple, but it was wonderful.
I had a dream that I was in a room talking with a little girl. She was maybe 4 or 5 with a round baby face and brown hair that had a slight red tinge to it. She was adorable and talkative. In the midst of talking with her, I realized I was pregnant and that this little girl was my future child. When I came to that realization, I silently prayed, “Lord, if this is my child and if I’m pregnant, tell her to have me name her Lily.” I, then, asked the little girl, “What name do you want me to give you?” She smiled and said, “Lily.” Then, I rubbed my belly and thanked God for giving me that.
I woke up with that name going through my mind over and over.
It made me smile. It brought some hope, which I’ve been lacking a little. I feel like this dream might have been from God. I hope he’s telling me that he’ll bring you to me soon. It was so real. Almost like I could touch her.
If you’re reading this… and you’re a girl… you’ll know why I named you Lily. Because the Lord told me in a dream to name you that.
Oh my precious little one! How I long to see you! To hold you! To look into your sweet face and kiss your little cheeks! I am thankful for this dream, but it only makes the hole all the more painful. I pray that the Lord sends you to me and your dad soon.
I want you to know that we already have a room picked for you… and painted. I also know how we’ll decorate it! I bought some fabric to make into blankets or bibs or other things for you. I imagine sitting in that room and rocking you to sleep or feeding you. I imagine watching you play and reading you bedtime stories. I wonder when those days will come.
I love you, sweet baby. Already. I know that it sounds crazy, but I already feel a connection to you. I hope you know I love you more than words can say. Come soon, little one.
I love you.
Dear Little One,
I had something happen this morning that gave me a signal you MIGHT be on your way. I’m really trying not to get my hopes up, but it’s so hard!
I really hope this is a good sign. We should find out one way or another by Monday, at the latest. I’m keeping my fingers crossed!
Before I even got the signal, I had a dream last night that I had a baby, but in my dream, I didn’t know I was pregnant until I gave birth to a boy. So, maybe you are on the way… and maybe you’re a boy???
Either way, I’ll be okay. Your dad and I want one of each, but–at this point–we’re not picky!
We’re waiting for you, little one.
I love you.
Dear Little One,
It’s been just short of two years since your father and I started this journey. I know your dad had his reservations about having babies. I know he has always wanted you, but with his FAP disease he wasn’t sure if he wanted to take the risk that he could pass it on to you. After many talks between me, your dad, and Nana and Papa… we decided to go for it. (Mainly, I know that God is in control and whatever will happen, will happen, but your dad is much more cautious than me, I guess.) Even though your dad has FAP, it doesn’t seem to hold him back from much… other than binging on pizza and popcorn. Haha! And the same thing goes for your Papa and Uncle Justin. Although, your uncle does have a more severe case than your dad does.
Anyhow… every month since September 2014, when we started this journey, our anticipation and eagerness to become parents has only increased. (Especially mine!) Your dad talks about you and his hopes for you. He’s so ready to be a daddy and you are SO lucky because he is going to be a great one! I admit, this process has been hard for me. I have been waiting and praying for you since I was a little girl myself! I can’t wait to become your mom! Sometimes I get impatient and frustrated that you’re not here yet, but I know that God’s timing is perfect. And he’ll send you into our lives at just the right time.
I don’t know how it’s possible, but I already love you so much. I dream about you. In most of my dreams, you’re a girl. (Only once were you a boy!) Even your dad –who NEVER remembers his dreams– had a dream about you once and you were a girl in his dream too! That was the only time in the 5 years I’ve been with your dad that he ever remembered a dream and shared it with me. So that should say something!
One of the things I am most excited for is telling all of the family and our friends that you are on your way. If nothing else, I want you to know how deeply and immensely loved you will be. Of course your dad and I will love you, but our family and friends talk about how they can’t wait for us to have a baby. Your Papa teases me about it regularly. Him and Nana love Gavin and Bryce so much and they are beyond ready for another grandbaby. Mimi and Pawpaw ask about you a lot too. And I know your Aunt Ashley can’t wait for Kaylee to have a cousin to play with. And by the way, I think you are going to love your cousins! Bryce is kind of quiet sometimes, but he can also be really fun and goofy. Gavin is the same way, but he’s definitely much more active and playful. You’ll have your hands full with those boys! Kaylee is fun and spirited and such a character! I have no doubt you’ll be close. Hopefully, she doesn’t take after Aunt Ashley when she’s a teenager… You’ll find out why when you’re older!
Anyhow, I need to get going to work now. I hope whenever and wherever you read this that you’re having a wonderful day.
I love you.