Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail