Some would learn from the first removal or the second. So it's my fault for your choice of words and lack of civility? It's Hillary's fault for your choice of words and lack of civility, it's the Democratic Party's fault for your choice of words and lack of civility. It's everybody and anybody but....
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Start with the man in the mirror. 
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There are five steps to accepting grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.  I believe you are in the denial stage.