>While dispensations from the rule were once granted, that does not happen  anymore, according to Dubois. One reason is the need for the wife of a deacon to understand his ministerial obligations. Often, he said, "it is not fair to throw her into something like that." 

I would think that a woman dating a deacon would be just as likely, perhaps more so, to realize and accept his obligations as part of the package of the man, so to speak, as a woman whose husband comes home one day and says "honey, I wanna be a deacon" when "deacon's wife" wasn't what she signed on for.

Yet I notice that dispensations can be granted -- when it suits the hierarchy's need.

And this laicized former deacon is forbidden to do some things other layman can do, and he would still be able to do them if he hadn't been a deacon.  Can't help scratching my head at that.  Talk about a spiteful throwing away of value and talent.