Of course the male-chauvinism and top-down corporation style management of Vatican, Inc. is so disgraceful

There does not appear to be an obvious way to enter adult spirituality via Catholicism. But if you read Vatican documents carefully I think you find there is rigidity on the surface, but under that, often some playfulness and a real understanding by authors that you cannot define the Indefinable. The faithful cannot be made to be Aware; rather, they are led into what appears to be a rigid structure, and then after some time, many come to a realization as you have, and emerge as new life like a chick from an Easter eggshell -- we are the graduates! The Bible is designed to transform -- compare the parallel passages in the four books of the Gospel. What you see is not dogma, but a shifting, kaleidoscopic landscape. Do you realize some church teachings are paradoxes? Consciously entering Awareness of 'nothing' necessitates casting off from guide posts that seemingly are 'something.'