Of course not. It is not permissible for married couples to engage in sexual practices that would be sinful for others as well. Do we follow everyone if they are headed for a cliff? My understanding is that sodomy includes oral sex as well as the other meaning. The Church and Scripture clearly teach that sodomy is very wrong in all instances. I would think S &M would be wrong, there is nothing loving about inflicting pain, even if consentual. So no, I do not think we need dialogue if by that you mean that it needs to be hashed out what is considered right and  wrong. We need further clarification as to why certain things are sinful judging by the number of Catholics who do not seem to understand much of why the Church teaches what she does.