Surely, there is nothing more insidious than the Knight of Columbus flipping pancakes in your parish's social hall. Be wary of him, watchful at all times, for in stealth he seeks to undermine all that is modern, good, and true. He over-polishes the floor so as to trip up liturgical dancers, destroys felt banners, and installs kneelers when no one is looking. His crimes reach their zenith when he visits Planned Parenthood to pray that one day the murder of children might cease. Do not be fooled by the batter-stained apron, the smile, the top-rated life insurance he can access through the order, his financial generosity to the parish, the time he gives to maintain the buildings and grounds, the food he gathers for the hungry, the clothes he donates to the naked, or the abundance of food he offers you at breakfast after Mass. It's all a front for Carl Anderson's plot to control the Vatican. You have been warned by your betters at the National Catholic Reporter. Take heed.