Fifty years plus for me too, Jesuitical. I hope you’re kidding and not really despairing (maybe just depressed like most of us). I hope your companion is OK too.  Funny you reminded me of the ‘sin of despair’ as I also had learned of that in Catholic school. I think rather there is no such thing as a sin of despair, as despair could not be a sin. There are so many incongruities in this religion, and it is wonderful you keep encouraging people to think.