At the age of fourteen, I promised God that I would give the merits of any good that I did for Him to use for others' benefit.  And I ceded away all my "eternal fire-protection" at the same time.   I didn't know much about theology at aged 14----but I do now.  I did the right thing then.  I rest on the mercy, forgiveness and love of God.  My family and friends KNOW this.  At my funeral, I want the priest to do all to comfort them---I'll be fine.


Your ideas of God are that He is a 'quid pro quo' god.  Your god is nothing but a supreme, eternal agent of the IRA who tells us "I'll only forgive you, when you've earned it."  That's not forgiveness---that's a mental construct of someone who has not pondered the words of the Lord's prayer.  "Forgive us our trespasses AS we forgive those who trespass against us."
Jesus demonstrated for us over and over again.  Two-thirds of Jesus' teaching is directly or indirectly about forgiveness.