Sure, we should have an ideal.  That is what I spoke of above when I said "the hard work of love."  The ideal is not just about following the rules, honoring the commitment, it is also about mountaindweller's description of glory and joy.  I thought it was sad that you described glory and joy as "Disney fantasy."  I have experienced what mountaindweller writes about, but first I had to do the hard work of love.  
Anyway, the issue is how we apply the ideal to real life situations, many of which are not ideal.  For example, when it comes to personal finances, the Christian ideal is trust in God's provision, lack of greed, and simplicity, but I've never seen the guy who owns a boat and a second home on the beach turned away from Communion.  We might want to teach this guy how his possessions impact him and other people, encourage him to be content with less, but we don't condemn him or exclude him.  Gradualism is not a problem here.  And no, I don't think this is a gay conspiracy.