I've heard that Iranian commandos disguised in sombreros are massing on the border, just awaiting Obama's signal to invade and subject us all to fundamentalist Islam.  LGBTQs are secretly getting ready to blow up fundamentalist Christian churches at the moment of the Iranian attack, to deprive our people of desperately needed moral guidance.  Liberal Hollywood conspirators are planning to release a blockbuster movie in which Captain America wipes his ass with the American flag and joins ISIS.

Our way of life is in mortal danger, people.  Who alone can save us?