"diakonos is best translated 'male servant' not helper"

No, it is not. Rom 16:1 talks about a woman, Phoebe, who is "diakonos" (masculine!) of the church of Cenchrea.

Greek "diakonia" means:
(1) service rendered in an intermediary capacity (mediation, assignment)
(2) performance of service, specifically an engagement in preparations for a social event (service)
(3) functioning in the interest of a larger public (service, office)
(4) rendering of specific assistance (aid, support)
(5) an administrative function (service as attendant, aid or assistant)

Greek "diakonos" comes from "diakonia", and means:
(1) one who serves as an intermediary in a transaction (agent, intermediary, courier)
(2) one who gets something done, at the behest of a superior (assistant, attendant, aid)

In Christian context diakonos came to mean "a minister" or "a ministerial assistant". Apostle Paul calls himself and Apollos "diakonos" (1 Cor 3:5). Even Jesus is called "diakonos" (Rom 15:8).