Those personal experiences and different approaches certainly contribute to the perceptions among Catholics that we're seeing expressed in opinions here. The priest who acts entitled, the priest who quietly accepts, the priest who makes mention that the deceased had a particular charity they would prefer supported.  The laity who believe those paid-for prayers are essential for the good of the dead or that they make a difference to the dead, the laity who ask for them in memory, in kindness, in love.  What have we seen, what were we taught in younger days -- all impacts.