Okay, I didn't read the entire essay.  I stopped about half way through when it became clear to me that her father raised her as a "black person" rather than as a "person", and imbued in her a racial tension that prevents her from "fitting in".

Over the years, I have worked with people of many ethnic origins, all having the quality that they didn't see themselves as of any particular ethnicity.  From the inside looking out, I can't see myself, just as they couldn't see themselves.  It was this attitude that made us compatible co-workers.  In fact, this essay had me to consciously recall my former co-workers, to recall what they even looked like to see if they fit the label of "ethnically diverse".

I suggest that this author try to wind back the clock to the 4-year age and start over.  The way we act influences the way people react.