You misunderstand the Gospel.

Martyrdom is love.  But there are many forms of it.  There's red martyrdom and then there's the white martyrdom of everyday life.  Little Yeses when we want to say no..and little no's when we want to say yes to something. 

Obedience to the moral laws of God is also love, which may require us setting aside or better aligning our desires with His will (a form of dying to ourselves). 

Accepting natural suffering (the will of God) is love.