And Valentine's Day!  with all those little 'angels' flying around with 'weapons' in their hands. 
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 Thanksgiving?  That implies we're thankful for something that caused so much grief and angst. Can't have that and  it's insensitive  to turkey's (the bird, of course)
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The 4th of July should be canceled as it celebrates a war(which is bad in and of itself) fought by old white men in wigs(that might be OK),  but they believed in free speech! OK, get rid of it......Berkeley says only 'correct speech' is acceptable.  Anything else must be suppressed.   
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Your right, we might as well just ban everything. Of  course what will the politically correct folks do then?   I hate to even ask...