You mentioned epigenesis, which is the dominent theory, although self reporting should be good enough for you. Again, if you can't rely on it why should they rely on your morality. As for your kids, they know not to tell you, although they likekly are straight, but that has little to do with their upbringing. One of my brothers had the same moral upbringing as the rest of us and no incidents of abuse, yet he has a husband. He cares little of what the Church teaches on his sexual morality. The tragedy is that what they say about it has alienated him from the Church. An understandable human reaction to being treated as less than and whose experiences are not trusted on these matters. Families of gays who do "get it" will be the force that changes the Church on this.