Everyone knows exactly which attribute you are attempting to impugn when that word is uttered. It's meant to be the worst thing that you can say to a male because it emasculates them or at least that's the intention. Do gay men sometimes use that word? Yes. Just as black people sometimes use the N word to refer to each other. That gives literally no other human being on the planet permission to use it. When you grow up having that word hurled at you every day and live in fear that it will be followed by fists then maybe, just maybe you can use that word. The psychological damage that that slur has inflicted on gay youth is immersurable - it demeans the very core being of a person.