JimmyJ:  We are all familiar with self-deprecating humor.  Fat guys can make "fat guy" jokes; Jews can tell "Jew jokes", gays can tell "gay jokes", Mexicans can tell "Mexican jokes", an Italian can call another Italian a "wop";  and Black folks can call each other "N$#$%er". 

 I use my favorite scene from Owen Wister's "The Virginian" to explain what I mean.  The protagonist , the "Virginian" wins a big poker hand from the villian and the villian calls him an "S.O.B."  The Virginian responds "smile when you say that."  The message is so clear.  The key is INTENT.  Is the term used as an insult? Is it used to "put down" another person? Are you "spoiling for a fight?"  Are you being patronizing?  or is the comment or joke truly friendly and innocent.  All key questions.  If a buddy of mine say "Crum, you're such a #@% ,if a stranger says the same thing....that's a different ball game.  Does this make sense?  Gary Crum    p.s.   I hope you're not too stupid to understand this.....(cont)