1) The response of the assaulted person to the hateful speech/actions is exaggerated or the language isn't as extreme as people interpret it to be? Which do you mean? 
2) Words do hurt. That childhood rhyme doesn't do a lot to help. Going to church and hearing the language of objectively disordered from the pulpit or seeing it in the bulletin, coming from men who claim to have more direct access to God than you, hurts even more.
3) Folks who are in the closet for whatever reason still hear the language, read about the murders (Matthew Shepherd, Wyoming,  and massacre at the gay club in Orlando, FL are just two examples) know about the firings of gay folks. It doesn't have to be a direct personal attack to hurt.