Mary - what you wrote is very powerful.  After reading the link to the article Fr. Healy wrote for NCR talking of his own AIDS and being gay, I think you speak in different words of the same anguish he experienced.  

Healy "preached to teach" in that article/homily:  He said:  "But neither can I deny that we priests have long realized that the institutional church has done extraordinary harm to both the laity and to us in its adamant stance on all sexual issues. ...  The love and affirmation I have experienced in my ministry is a priceless treasure to me. But I cannot avoid a deep, abiding sense of sorrow for the many ways in which we have failed to deal courageously with the sexual myopia of the institution. Perhaps my belated decision to share these thoughts will encourage other priests to speak, but I rather doubt it."

Too little speaking out.  We all need to speak out more our willingness to accept and embrace "the full spectrum" of all humans created in the image of God.