The closest I ever got was apartment manager on campus.  

Fortunately, the owner backed me up and the first thing I said to a prospective tenant was "No parties, no pets."  The question Always came back:  "What's a party?"  Answer:  "If I can hear it, it's a party."  That was the standard and it worked.

Only had to throw three guys out.  They were the drunks left over on one Easter Sunday who were catcalling the women going to Mass across the street. (We were across from the Neuman Parish).  I made money on that one; they had like six empty kegs they left behind that I turned in for the deposit.  Got their cleaning deposit, too, although I earned that one!  Couldn't see the calrod unit in the bottom of the oven for the crud buildup!  Of course, I still believe those were the guys who shaved the tail of the cat we had at the time.