Real simple and very stunning. A 3-to-1 edge in potential voters -- assuming women, people of color and those under 35 are paying attention and capable of thinking for themselves when presented with a Yosemite Sam for president -- should be enough to beat back any scourge when all it takes is that 80 percent of success known as showing up. They didn't. Couldn't be bothered. Your people. How embarrassing. Your screed, while windy, predictable and borderline entertaining, means nothing. Occam's razor applies. Clinton blew it. Count the ways.

Me? I'm independent. Voted for Obama once but not twice, mostly because celebrity-in-chief wasn't supposed to be the job title. This time, I left it blank. A pox on both parties' houses. Of course, you're free to believe as you wish, He Who Confuses Assumptions with Facts.

By the way, I already have a dog, so please stop trying to hand me your leash.