Re: "outsider" - It makes sense to me that you want to be included, but do you have a reason other than your husbands/boyfriends are friends?

These women are friends with each other, period. They aren't friends because their SOs are dating. They were friends before that, and even if they divorced/broke up with their SOs, they'd still be friends. You're seeing them as one big group of guy's wives/girlfriends, and you're a guy's wife too, so if you're not included it must be because they're "cliquey" and mean. Please stop that. Instead see them as individual people with their own interests and their own long histories. It doesn't mean you'll never be friends. But it does mean you'll have to make friends with them as unique and individual people.