That letter writer is being selfish.  The ex lost a child she brought into this world and to even think of denying her the right to be there when the remains are interred reeks of narcissism and selfishness. If she is that uncomfortable the remains should be put elsewhere.  After all, what if someday the real mother wants to visit where her daughters remains lay?  Sounds to me like step mom would object to that too.  She sounds disgusting to me.