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Spoiler Alert! Stop reading if you haven’t watched Lost‘s series finale, or else I’m going to have both Desmond and Sayid take you behind a bar and beat some common sense into you. Really. Complete and total spoilers ahead. 
  
 Have you ever been in one of those pop culture conversations where you’ve seen a movie that someone else hasn’t, and you trick-spoil them by joking, “And in the end, they all died”? Well, be careful using that punchline if you find yourself at the water cooler tomorrow morning with someone who hasn’t seen tonight’s Lost finale, because yes, they really did all die in the end. (At last, I’m pretty sure they did. Your first question: What was your interpretation of the scene inside Eloise Hawking’s Church of the Blessed Dharma Pendulum, aka The Ark to Heaven?) “The End” was an emotionally draining epic that had me crying with almost every single “awakening” and has left me mulling the true significance of the Sideways world, which was revealed to be a Purgatory-like realm created by the souls of the dead castaways themselves. (Purgatory! The irony!) I was so happy The Island was saved. I was so moved by Jack’s heroism and sacrifice and the glorious significance of ending where he began, as well as that Doubting Thomas allusion there at the end. (You caught that, right?) (Oh, and appendix scar my ass!) I thought that Hurley was a surprising choice for the new Island guardian–and I loved that Ben had a role as his No. 2. The “resurrection” of John Locke rocked my face, and one of the many moments that had me dabbing my eyes was watching Terry O’Quinn and Michael Emerson play their last duet together. I loved Ben’s contrition. I loved Locke’s forgiveness. I loved it when Ben told him to stand up and walk again, and Locke did. And then there was Vincent. You know, playing the dog card is kinda shameless, but man, did that work for me. I was satisfied. More than satisfied. Do I have quibbles? Yes. Sayid and Shannon—seriously? I wanted more of an explanation from Eloise Hawking for her actions (though I do have a theory that explains them) and I wished we had gotten one substantial Desmond/Penelope moment. But we did get a Sawyer/Juliet reunion, much to the dismay of the Skater set, no doubt. I had a chance to ask Josh Holloway about the finale’s final ‘shipper pairings. Was he happy that Sawyer and Juliet found each other in the Island afterlife? “Absolutely,” he says. “And it leaves Jack and Kate to find each other again—as they always should have. I feel like Kate and Sawyer were not a couple for life. They had an undeniable love. But a life-long thing? I don’t think so. I think Sawyer would want her to be with Jack, anyway. Not to mention that he’s love in with Juliet. So I liked the way it worked out. I thought it was perfect. Because people were always like, ‘Who she going to choose? Who she going to choose?’ Well, she’s obviously going to choose the doctor in my worldview! Why wouldn’t she?” 
  
 More from Josh later this week. And more from me tomorrow. Like I said, I have a lot to say… and I’m saving all of it for my recap, which is currently under frantic construction. As I stated earlier today, I’m not going to be the guy who assesses the finale by counting the “answers” it provided. But I am the guy who loves to theorize about the questions. A full report, tomorrow. Until then, please: start your deliberations. 
  
  
  
  
  
 More Lost coverage on EW.com: 
  
 Doc Jensen’s reaction to the Lost finale 
  
 Lost: 20 scenes that made us cry 
  
 Lost: 30 key deaths 
  
 Lost: 9 exclusive portraits of the dead 
  
 Lost: Readers best/worst moments from the dearly departed series 
  
 Replay our live chat of the Lost series finale 
  
 Lost: A commercial bonanza for ABC ||||| Once upon a time, there was a television show about a bunch of people on an island. For six years it was one of the most fascinating things on TV. And then it ended, in the worst way possible. 
  
 Lost ended tonight, and with it the hopes and dreams of millions of people who thought it might finally get good again. SPOILER ALERT: It didn't. What did we learn? Nothing. We learned nothing from two-and-a-half hours of slow-motion bullshittery backed with a syrupy soundtrack. 
  
 Everyone loves to see characters who haven't been around for a while, right? Juliet! Where have you been? Shannon! Long time since you were around, irritating all of us and ruining Sayid. But good to see you, I guess! Rose and Bernard! Nice beard, bro! And Vincent! The goddamn dog! There you are, doing dog stuff. How great is it to get all these characters back? Not very great at all, as it turns out. 
  
 For years, the show's creators and actors have been running the same bullshit line about how Lost is a character-driven show. Here is the thing, though: It is not a character-driven show. It is a show, that has characters! But the characters do not "drive" the show, except in the sense that they do things that help advance the plot. Because it is a "plot-driven" show! Lost is a show that is interesting because it has an interesting plot. Frankly, most of the characters suck! Especially Kate. And Jack. And Sawyer. And, really, all of them, except for Ben. 
  
 So what we got was a show with an engaging, mysterious plot, that was constantly being sabotaged by fool writers who thought that what the audience really wanted was, like, a love triangle. A love square! "Yes, Mr. Cuse, I don't give a shit about the donkey wheel. What I really am after is the answer behind the mystery of Jack's hideous tattoo." 
  
 And yet, somehow, we all kept coming back. I'm not going to use the "abusive relationship" metaphor, because that's hacky and offensive, but I'll say this: Those guys know how to write a finale. Season after season, it was the same thing: The first five or six episodes were great. The middle ten were terrible—just lazy, premise-stretching garbage—and then they'd pull it together for the finale. 
  
 Do you remember the hatch lighting up? Or Jack blasting In Utero and realizing that you were witnessing—I still shit my pants thinking about this years later—a flash-forward? That was why we kept watching the show: The amazing, game-changing, cliffhanger finales. 
  
 And so it stood to reason that maybe they would pull together this pitiful excuse for a season with some kind of halfway-coherent, tightly-paced, tightly-plotted finale that would answer some of our lingering questions and wash the taste of C.J. Cragg as Hypatia out of our mouths. Ha, ha! Why did I think that? 
  
 What we got instead was another two hours of running around the goddamn island with everyone having feelings and stuff—which wasn't even that bad, honestly!—and then, and I have to type this in caps because it's the only way to really let my rage out, IT TURNED OUT THAT THEY HAD ALL DIED. All of them! And not even all together, simultaneously, in some awesome disaster/explosion. They had all died, at various times, throughout history. (Except for Michael and Walt, apparently!) And then they, like, remembered that they were dead, in this terrible, unfortunate excuse for Heaven they had created, and the Church went to white, and Jack was lying there, dying, with the dog. 
  
 The dog. I swear to God, Abrams, Super 8 better be a fucking masterpiece. 
  
 Look: I had given up on getting any interesting answers to any of the thousands of questions I still had. When the explanation for "the whispers" came, I hung my head, and thought, "Well, I guess this is how it has to happen." 
  
 But I expected more from the flash-sideways (I cannot believe they have compelled me to use that word, "flash-sideways," though I suppose it is technically a "flash-way-the-hell-forward-to-when-everyone-is-dead"). I have taken a creative writing class or two (can you tell?) and do you know this thing they teach you? "Don't end your story with all your characters being dead." It is like cheating. It is worse than cheating! It is the wussiest thing a writer can do. And these smug dickheads went ahead and did it. 
  
 So here's my proposal: Let's get another season. We'll all agree to forget the flash-sideways ever existed. Let's just get Ben and Hurley running the island, making jokes and being bros and doing fun things. Is that too much to ask for? Because I don't have anything to be obsessed about anymore. And I really don't want to start watching V. 
  
 [Pic via ABC] ||||| Mario Perez/ABC 
  
  
  
 Mike Hale has more on the series finale of “Lost” here. 
  
 This post contains spoilers. The real spoilers. 
  
 Well, it was better than the “Life on Mars” finale. 
  
 But you have to think that the gauzy, vaguely religious, more than a little mawkish ending of ‘Lost’ — “Touched by a Desmond” — will not sit well with a lot of the show’s fans. Many of them will have thought that things were going pretty well for the first two and a quarter hours of the final episode, as the producers treated them to a series of montaged moments in the sideways reality world, in which the main characters regained their memories of the island. But then came the ending, in which most of the main cast members gathered at a church for the big reveal: they were all dead. 
  
 And they knew it now, though Jack, as always, took the longest to catch on. (Or maybe just Jack was dead, and this was his funeral?) His father told him: “This is the place that you all made together so that you could find one another. The most important part of your life was the time that you spent with these people. That’s why all of you are here.” With that, white light flooded the church and they all went … well, who knows. 
  
 Meanwhile, back on the island, Jack, having saved the world and then passed stewardship of the place along to Hurley, staggered into the bamboo field where the series started with Jack’s eye opening after the crash of Oceanic 815. Stabbed by the Man in Black, he lay down to die next to Vincent (who had been kept by Rose and Bernard all these years). As the Ajira plane passed overhead, carrying Frank, Richard, Miles, Kate, Sawyer and Claire to safety — or were they already dead? — we saw a close-up of Jack’s eye closing, taking “Lost” full circle. 
  
 The best moments of the finale were the ones when memories flooded back to Sun and Jin (who got their English back one last time), to Sayid and Shannon, and to Sawyer and Juliet, who recoiled as if they’d each touched a live wire. The island scenes, in which Desmond put out the golden light, Jack killed the Man in Black before he could flee, and then Jack turned the light back on, were wan and rushed, as the island narrative has been throughout Season 6. But there was some funny byplay primarily involving Hurley, Ben and Miles, and fans of Michael Emerson who like to see Ben’s good-soldier side were rewarded. 
  
 So what was the island? Those who have been voting for purgatory all along can make a case, though it seems highly unlikely that the creators had anything so specific in mind. Fans and commentators will go through all sorts of twists and turns to make sense of the ending. From here, it seems that if everyone is dead, the only thing that makes sense — if that’s a requirement — is that everyone was dead at the beginning. 
  
 (On rewatching the scene last night it was immediately clear, as many of you have pointed out, that the characters hadn’t been dead all along and that the narrative was meant to have stretched for some undefined period of time after Jack’s death. Mea culpa. That new understanding will be reflected in my longer take on the finale, to be posted later today.) 
  
 The finale will be compared, in its effect if not its form, to that of the “Sopranos.” The “Sopranos” finale was ambiguous and a bit of a shrug, but not puzzling; to me the “Lost” finale, in the immediate aftermath, felt forced and, well, a bit of a cop-out. 
  
 I’ll expand on (and possibly revise) these thoughts in a notebook you can find on nytimes.com/arts Monday morning or in Tuesday’s newspaper. In the meantime, please let us know how you felt about the finale and how you’re interpreting it. |||||
Output:
Watching the grand Lost finale was nearly as frustrating as watching Lost (at least it's over, so there will be no more mind-bending cliff-hangers!). While some critics were satiated, most were infuriated with a weak-ass ending that left far too many loose ends. Here's a sampling (spoiler alert!): "Well, it was better than the Life on Mars finale," Mike Hale shrugs in the New York Times, though "forced" and "a bit of a cop-out." Hale is left wondering "What was the island? Those who have been voting for purgatory all along can make a case, though it seems highly unlikely that the creators had anything so specific in mind." The "gauzy, vaguely religious, more than a little mawkish" ending "will not sit well" with fans, he predicts. Jeff Jensen of Entertainment Weekly was one of the few critics "more than satisfied" with "an emotionally draining epic that had me crying with almost every single 'awakening' and has left me mulling the true significance of the Sideways world." Max Read at Gawker says the Lost writers forgot what every creative writing student is taught: "Don't end your story with all your characters being dead. It is like cheating. It is worse than cheating! It is the wussiest thing a writer can do. And these smug dickheads went ahead and did it."