In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.

Q: Text: a few years back i was working as a runner/driver for an australian based concert promoter. i was not long in the job and was shuttling management and security around venues etc. a fairly standard low stress vibe.

anyway i was working on the sydney leg of springsteen's australian tour and was out the back of his hotel waiting for my security guys to show.

suddenly, bruce's manager opens my van door and "the boss" jumps in. now i was a tad concerned as i hadn't encountered a "principal" up to this point, and the pressure level not to fuck up rose significantly.

we had a nice chat for 5 mins and then his family arrived and proceeded to pack into the 9 seat van. they just kept coming. his wife, the kids, their friends, the kids minder, the manager, way too many but bruce was unconcerned.

as we set off, the boss was crammed seatless against the sliding door, very cramped yet still uncomplaining. so we headed for bondi beach toward the breakfast location and i was shitting bricks. we were way overloaded and no one wore seatbelts. 

i knew our destination but had never dropped anyone there, so potential for balls ups were rather high. i put on my game face and thought furiously, you've got this bro!

how wrong i was.

as we cruised down the hill toward bondi, the clouds darkened and unleashed a horrendous torrential downpour over the whole region. the rain was relentless, and as we pulled up at the destination there was a river of storm water pouring down the street. 

i pulled up as the water gushed over the curb. bruce popped open the door as horizontal, machine gun like bullet sized rain pelted into the van, instantly soaking all inside as they extricated themselves from the van and waded through the flood toward the lobby of the restaurant. 

as i was sitting there thinking what a royal fuck up that was, the security detail arrived and their driver pulled up the gutter and under the awning, high and dry. i literally face palmed myself and drove off in disgust at my newbness. 

my phone immediately began ringing and beeping as the news of ineptness spread far and wide throughout the production crew and they all expressed their hilarity and mirthful scorn at my epic fail. for shame. 

i didn't drive or talk to the boss again. did keep my job though and enjoyed another decade of brilliant gigs and unforgettable musical memories.

A: TIFU by soaking Bruce Springsteen and his entire family!
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Q: Text: this shit happened saturday night at roughly 9:30 pm. 

my friends and i go to the ihop to indulge in the pancakes and  breakfast. everyone is talking about life and merriment as we eagerly waited for our food to arrive. everyone got pancakes. i got chicken and waffles. 

"would you like honey mustard?", said the waitress to me.

"uhhh, sure.", i said.

big mistake. the next thirty minutes were a mixture a foodgasmic taste experiences as well as grave regret. the syrup, soda and honey mustard were starting to get to me. everyone was done eating and already paying at the front counter.

"hold on guys, i gotta go to the bathroom.", i said while clenching my stomach and sphincter  in pain.

"k. try not shit all over the floor like you did at summer camp.", said friend 4.

"that wasn"t even me!"

i proceeded to the bathroom which to my surprise, had no one inside. what was an alleged code brown, was soon to be a code green. or more like code yellowish-brown. coughing and gagging my brains out and yet nothing came out. feeling like i had beaten the ihop, i left the stall and went to pay my bill.

we get into my car (we all carpooled there) but something was wrong. horribly, horribly wrong.

it was coming.

*rising stomach gurgle*

"oh fuck"

*i get out of the drivers seat and run to a light post*

*vomits on said light post"

"aww, what the fuck, man!?", said friend 1.

"i'm sorry, it was probably too much honey mustard.", i replied.

"do you want me to drive?", said friend 2 (the non-asshole with substantial medical knowledge).

"yeah, i'm not gonna make it on this one...", i moaned.

we get about maybe fiddy yards away from the ihop when i start to vomit again. hard. 

blllllleeeeeuuugggghhhhhhh

the car stopped next to us is a four remembered middle eastern looking family. all of them filled with the faces of disgust. fucking priceless.

*collective duuuuudddesss from friends in my car*

"do i need to pull over?", said friend 2.

"no, no, i'm fine", i said obviously not fine.

thank god we were at a stoplight.

the light turns green and we start moving again.

"i'm going to try to drive slowly, okay?", said friend 2.

"alright, i trust you.", i reluctantly cried.

maybe not even twenty seconds after the stoplight, i start vomiting again. hard.

blllllleeeeeuuugggghhhhhhh

none of it hits the ground. just the side of my car.

*fast forward to a few more stoplights of this happening*

we stop at yet another stoplight with me still feeling gurgley. this time, the car next to us is filled with african american individuals that may have been juniors in high school or freshman in college. i am very bad at guessing ages.

*loud as fuck gurgle*

"oh god."

*stick head out of window and projectile vomit all over the car next to us*

yep.

you heard right folks.

all over their 4-door who-gives-a-fuck standard.

everyone in the vomited car, aren't disgusted, just surprised. the mix of facial expressions ranged from "eeewwww" to "da fuuuuhhhh?"

i smiled and promptly apologized for the vomit to which the driver rolled down his window and replied "ayo, you need to turn down, bruh!".

tfw i believe him.

more vomiting out of the window onto the side of my car later ensued after that stoplight and continued until we arrived at friend 3's house. 

we got out of my car and saw the damage. 

it.

was.

everywhere.

dried up from wind resistance vomit caked in all across the right side if my car.

one of the poor bastards on that side came out that way and got a nice handful of chicken and waffles from the door handle.

after hardy laughter, we played basketball, watched some kind of gay (i mean actually gay) movie about singing and dreams with friend 3's sister, and left to go home.

all of the ride home, i had wondered what had made me sick. then it hit me. the honey mustard. i basically drank the whole bowl that the waitress brought me. i eventually arrived home at around 1 am. the perfect time for masturbation.

don't fuck around with honey mustard, kids. it may taste good but it can and will, fuck you up if drunken without moderation.



 


edit: for those who don"t believe me http://imgur.com/b4jfb5g

A: TIFU by eating IHOP
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Q: Text: well technically yesterday but its still more recent than most of these but basically i work for the underground and while working on the platform within an hour of my first day i had a visually impaired customer and so i gave him directions to where he needed to be and he was thankful... then i offered him a map, he looked at me (well faced me) and just said "why would i need a map i can't see"

A:
Tifu on my first day
****
