instruction:
In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
question:
Text: this just happened a few hours ago, i can't sleep because it's still making me cringe.

australian time by the way.

it happened after work, my coworker ( my fwb) and i agreed that we'll do some lessons tonight. so we drove to our usual spot, turned off the ignition, went to the backseat and i started giving him a bj. 
basically after giving him a 10 minute bj  and a bit of making out and groping,  we took our clothes off and started doing it missionary style. 


as we're getting it on, he said that i was really wet and i agreed telling him i'm really horny. 
but holy mother of pearl, when i reached down at the apex of my thighs,  i have a red bloody hand...

i loudly yelled stop. 
he noticed my hand was red and he knew... i have my fucking period.

i started apologising but to my utter surprise his reaction was "i don't care, i'll just wash off when i get home"

so we pretty much continued our liaison. 

tl ;dr: had sexy time with my coworker at the back of his car and he didn't care about plunging in the red sea. got home and i notice that i became red-handed jill.
answer:
TIFU by having sex in the backseat of the car while not knowing... That... *Sigh* [NSFW]


question:
Text: i had to make a throwaway for this one. this happened last night... im late 20s straight male. i didn't see my dad for a few years due to a nasty divorce my parents went through. this year to make things better between us he invited me to his place for dinner. i live away from his town so got in friday night and settled in. saturday morning my dad told me he is busy with some stuff and will be back in the evening to make dinner. 

i dont have my own place at the moment so any chance i can get in a comfortable place, i seem to get horny when im left alone. as much as i wanted to spend my time working, one thing led to another and i found myself browsing porn and procrastinating. ive seen many porn videos where guys get pleasured and have orgasms through anal stimulation. im a very open minded guy so i thought i would try to see if i can get anywhere with this. 

looking around in the house to find something i can shove in my ass to see how it feels. nothing seems to be around. everything is too sharp. so i go to the fridge. right away i see tiny cucumbers and tomatoes my dad picked up at an organic food store. its my first time so i dont want grocery store size cucumbers, i know it will be painful. these guys seemed perfect. i grabbed one of each vegetable and went back to the couch. at first they were too cold so i had to run hot water on them to get them to feel normal. then i lubed up the vegetables and started watching porn and having cucumber naughty time. at first it felt strange but slowly i got into it. i have read that things can get lost in your anus if you are not careful. so i was alittle worried. i switched to the tiny tomato, it felt good but was too scared to lose it in the maze. the horror of being caught or losing a vegetable plus the excitement of finding out i like vegetable butt stuff, led to a huge orgasm and a smile. now the moment of regret plus dirty vegetables. im not sure at this point what to do with the veggies. i leave them on the kitchen counter and run back to cleanup my mess. by now its almost dinner time and as i rush back and forth to get clothes on, my father gets home. to my horror i remember that the veggies are still on the counter!! he is apologizing for running late and all i can think is butt tomato. keep in mind my dad is a very organic eating, no food wasting, type of guy. before i knew what to do, he was preparing food in the kitchen. i tried to go and help, as i was sneaking the veggies to the garbage can he stopped me and said dont waste a good tomato! i said it felt like these were bad. he grabbed it and looked at it, said nope they are good to me, he then proceeded to chop them up in the salad. i have no words. just no words. i did not have salad last night. but my dad did. i feel horrible and need a new life. he wasnt a good dad and i was happy i got some revenge unintentionally, but i hop he will be ok because i will not. 



td;dr: got involved in a series of events that led to my dad having ass salad at thanksgiving dinner.
answer:
TIFU by going to my dad's for thanksgiving dinner.


question:
Text: first posted this on another sub, but was told you guys might like the story, and didn't happen today but two weeks ago.

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dramatis personae:

me: a mid twenties metalhead whith long hair, a beard, combat boots, and a wardrobe that only contains bandshirts and ripped jeans. also colorblind. 

wl: a mid-fifties lady in shabby clothes and an electric wheelchair.

cashier: a f*cking hot girl. no big part in this story, but still...

story:

as i was in full preparations to go to one of the biggest metal festivals in europe, after making sure i had a tent, an air mattress, a sleeping bag, and of course a ticket, i realized that i still missed the most important thing. beer. and lots of it. but, since i am a poor european student, i do not own a car, and there was no way i would ever be able to go and get 24 liters of beer on my bicycle. but, no worries, i know people who do own a car, and i was able to borrow one.
so, one day before leaving to the festival, i went to the grocery store, and lucky me. beer is on sale. so i am not buying 24 but 36 liters. one can never have enough beer. and since i am there, i also load up my cart with all kind of snack foods, 'cause you know, festival food is expensive. so far so good, and when i go to the cashier to pay for all this glorious goods, the cashier, a really nice looking blonde, is asking whether i am having a party, and looking at all the beer and snacks i am buying, i get where she is coming from, and after telling her with my nicest smile that isn't the case, and why is she asking?, she tells me that they are to offer a bouquet of flowers to everyone who is clearly doing party groceries, and would i like some flowers even if i wasn't trowing a party? 

being the stupid idiot that i am, i tell her: no, i don't want any flowers, i don't like flowers, i am a metalhead, i like things that are black, i like things that are dead, and i like things that say destruction. she looks startled, and me, realizing my mistake, stammer that i do not have a vase at home, so flowers would be useless, and... and... her look of pure terror is still there, and i realize this is probably not the right time to ask for her phone-number, so i pack my stuff in silence, and quietly take my cart away. after this i just want to get the hell out of there, but i realize i still need to buy a shitload of cigarettes, because i am going away for almost a week, and they don't sell my brand on the festival i am going to. so i walk to the service desk and see that the is a huge queue. (in my country, the service desk is used for three things only, selling tobacco, selling flowers, and dealing with shitty customers. which genius person ever thought this was a good combination, i don't know, but this is the way it is.) so i get to the end of the queue, and prepare to wait a shitload of time, when i hear a voice behind me:

wl: excuse me? 

*i don't care, i am depressed because i just scared the shit out of this hot blonde cashier, and i am in a queue form hell to get my cigarettes.*

wl: cough

*meh, don't care.*

wl: excuse me, you, with the long hair?

*is she talking to me? takes a look over my shoulder*

wl: yeah, you, can somebody finally come over to help me? 

me: whut?

wl: yeah, i want to buy these flowers from the top shelf, but i can't reach them. 

me: huh?

*i turn fully around, she sees my iron maiden shirt.*

wl: oh! i am so sorry, i thought you were an employee, and i...


i finally realize that the shirt i am wearing is black at the backside, and most employees are wearing black polo's and jeans. however she got the notion that a guy whit hair almost to his ass waiting in a queue with a cart full of beer and snacks is working there, i'll never know, but i at least understood what was going on. and since i can be a nice guy from time to time, i decide to help her. this queue is going no where, and she looked so horrified about her mistake...

me: never mind, which flowers did you want?

wl: the ones on the top shelf, the white ones, please. 

*i might be colorblind, and i hate explaining that to other people, but i can do white, and so i reach out and pass them to her.*

wl: thank you so much, and would you also be so kind to pass me the purple ones?

**alarm bells** *there is no difference between purple and blue. purple is a lie. take a random guess.*

me: this ones? 

wl: no, no! i said the purple ones!

*oh fuck, let's try the other kind of blue.*

wl: yes, thank you. but wait, maybe i like the orange ones even more....

*o fuck.*

wl: could you please get them for me?

there is a choice now: admitting i am colorblind, or taking a wild guess, because i really have no clue what the fuck orange looks like, and as i didn't want to make a fool out of myself again, i gave the only answer i could. 

me: nope.

wl: ?

me: sorry.

wl: what? but... but...

me: sorry lady, i am colorblind, and although i am perfectly willing to help you, i have no clue at all which flowers are purple. 

at this point she was just looking at me completely blank. 

then she looked at the flowers. 

then at me.

then again at the flowers she could not reach. 

then at me, who didn't know which flowers she wanted.

then she just started laughing so fucking hard she almost fell out of the wheelchair, and after a moment i understood how ridiculous this whole thing was, i also went in an uncontrollably fit of laughter.

after we finished our laughing, we ended up playing a game of me pointing at a random flower, and she telling me to go one to the left, another one to the left, and the one behind that one, and no, one back to the right, and yes, that's the one!

when she finally had her orange flowers, i asked her if she wanted me to put the purple ones back, but oh no, my dear, that wouldn't be necessary, and thank you so much for you kind help. 

me: anything else i can do for you?

wl: no, and thanks for all the trouble you took!

so, after having done my good deed, for this month, i decided to go back to the queue for my cigarettes, and for once karma worked in my favour, the line had cleared away, and the girl at the service desk  had seen me help the wheel-chaired lady, and even threw in a free lighter. while i was packing the cigarettes in my bag, the wheel-chaired lady paid for her orange, purple and white flowers, and when i walked out she told me to stop right there, and gave me the purple ones as a thank you for all the kind help. i couldn't really refuse them, after all what happened,  but i will never forget the look of pure confusion on the face of the hot blonde cashier girl when i walked out with some nice flowers in my hand, after i told her i didn't want any flowers. 

then i got home, realized i still don't have a vase, ended up putting the flowers in my biggest beer glass.
answer:

TIFU when a disabled woman and a colorblind guy go shopping for flowers.


