instruction:
In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
question:
Text: obligatory persuasive statement:  i'm not racist.  i'm the most open minded person out there.  really, i am.  we live in a very diverse community, have diverse friendships, i'm a minority myself.

 i have three kids, little boys, who say and act and do the most stupid, crazy ass shit on a daily basis.  i like talking, and i am always talking, i explain things all the time.  why it's inappropriate to say this or do that, in regards to my kids stupid, crazy ass, daily shit.

my 7 year old, being the youngest boy, always getting interrupted by his brothers, always feeling duped by them, etc, has anger issues.  

his oldest brother, 10, comes home saying very racist things.  they attend a predominantly african american elementary school.  it's a great school, good teachers, i lucked out with the curriculum. but my 5th grader comes home with "mom, my friends say that they are the better race." or "they call me little dick, cause i'm white." or this gem "you can't hang with us, cracka." 

we aren't even white.  

whatever, i like that my kids are exposed to the different cultures out there, and i just tell them how we are all equal, we are all human beings, and our color doesn't matter, it's what's on the inside that counts.  very pc stuff.

fast forward to the next morning, driving the boys to school.  my little anger issue 7 year old, tells us "i hate this girl in my class, she's ugly.  she has rotten teeth and brown skin." 

ugh, was he not paying attention when i made my "we are the world" speech?  i tell him, "honey, that isn't nice to say, she is a nice girl, and it's not nice to point out peoples skin color. you have other friends who are black. her skin does not make her ugly."  

"her skin is brown, not black."   

time to drop off, kisses, hugs, free for 7 hours, thank god!

i get a phone call at the end of the school day.  they want me to come in to discuss something in regards to one of the boys.  i don't know which boy, but i know it has something to do with stupid, crazy ass boy stuff shit.  

it's the seven year old.  he was angry for a girl butting into his conversation.  he told her "go to hell.  you're ugly and your family is brown."

i'm stunned.  i ask him "what have we talked about, skin color doesn't matter."  i completely by pass the hell comment, because i know that the african american principal didn't call me in to talk about religion.

i say a few more things about how we talk about racism at home, and we are all human.  i apologize profusely to the principal and vice principal, ask them to apologize to the family on my behalf, shake hands just before the tears well up in my eyes.  we agreed to a fitting punishment for him, and i'm out.  

 fuck, i'm friends with every parent in the school.  the usually cheerful secretaries don't even look up as i say, "see you ladies."  i feel ashamed.

my seven year old, who is feeling bad about the whole thing, then says to me, without any prompting, "the vice principal asked me 'who told you about black and white.'"  

"what did you say?"

"i told her you taught me."

fuck
answer:
TIFU by being a racist parent


question:
Text: so, last night i made dinner.  usually whoever cooks doesn't clean, but i was feeling pretty good last night and decided to clean up the stove-top.  

we've got a 5 burner gas cooker with these pretty awesome, heavy, rings.  the stove-top is one of the pretty glass ones that shows every single bit of filth.  grabbed a damp dishrag to clean it off, wiped down the two on the sides, figured it had been long enough to pick up the middle burner ring.

turns out that it retains heat for a bit more than 5 minutes.  burned my thumb and index finger badly enough that i couldn't play destiny and was treated like a cute, yet developmentally challenged puppy by my wife for picking it up.  received instructions that while she appreciated the attempt, she wants my daughter to grow up with a father so i shouldn't attempt any mentally taxing procedures like that again.
answer:
TIFU by Cleaning the Stove After Cooking


question:
Text: each morning i wake up and pour myself a glass of orange juice (with pulp) and then put the same cup in the same place and use it again the next morning. however, this morning i noticed that we were out of orange juice, so i just poured some water in there and drank that instead. as i drank it i thought “wow, there sure is a lot of leftover pulp in here” and i look in the cup to see just how much pulp there was. ah, not much pulp, but many many, clumps of ants. i immediately spat the concoction of water, ants, and pulp into the sink, but not after i had already swallowed half the glass. this caused me to wonder: how many other times have i done this but not noticed because the glass was filled with opaque orange juice that i couldn’t see through?! i know i’m not the only one to make this mistake but i will be changing my cups every day to avoid any more insect ingestion incidents.
answer:

TIFU by drinking ants


