In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.

Q: Text: today i was on my way to a session with a sub of mine, and the following happened:

i'm visually impaired and can't drive, so i'm stuck taking the bus.  there was half an hour before my bus came, and i was kind of hungry, so i decided to make a trip to the local grocery store.  i just wanted a sandwich, so i didn't bother with a cart going in.

well, i ended up buying more than i anticipated; some of my favorite desserts were on sale, and because i didn't get a cart, i put them in my bag with my toys.

i went to check out, and because i still made it under the '15 items or less' limit, i used that stand.  without conveyor belts.

so i go up, we exchange pleasantries, and i unpack my own stuff.

>cashier: oh, you brought your own bag?  i'll give you your bag credit, then.

>me: er, bag credit?

>c: yeah, it's our new program.  you get ten cents off your total for each of your own bags you bring in.  which brings your total to [total].

i turn my attention to the pay pad, swiping my card, entering my pin, etc.  

and it didn't really register in my mind until just as it was happening: the cashier was reaching for my bag to put my groceries in.  

now, my toys were clean.  they didn't smell, they didn't have any cum or anything on them, but put yourself in the position of this poor woman: you're just trying to get through your day (given the time it was, she had either just started or was just about to leave), and you have a seemingly 'normal' customer with a bag of bdsm toys.

>cashier: oh.  um.  do you want me to bag your groceries for you?

>me: *ohgodohgodohgodohgod* um...no...i've got it...*frantic rush to pay, take my receipt, and get the hell out*

i take my stuff, sit down to check my email to make sure my sub was still meeting me, and who comes by but the manager of the store.

>manager: um, sir?  can you maybe close your bag so it's not open for the entire public to see?

in my rush to sit down in the cafe, i didn't realize that my bag was in the middle of the isle, open for any passerby who happened to look down to see.  i sheepishly reach down, tie the bag shut (it was one of those reusable bags; it didn't have any sort of clasp), and get back to my email.

not only is my sub not meeting me, i'm now known as 'the creep that carries sex toys everywhere' at my favorite grocery store.  i just wanted a sandwich, god damn it.

 

**edit**: oh god now they're disinfecting the whole area where i was sitting...that's just unnecessary

A: TIFU by taking my sex toys to the grocery store
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Q: Text: edit: maybe nsfw?

this happened about an hour and a half ago. so yesterday i had some mild food poisoning brought on by leftover pulled pork, i think. fast forward to today and i'm feeling much better, had some eggs and a banana for breakfast, no problems arise.  just before my last class of the day i get a hankering for some lo mein and orange beef. i satisfy my need with the chinese food restaurant in the student union. again everything seems fine and i head over to lecture. it was not fine. i prefer to sit in one of the rows closer to the front so i can at least pretend to be a good student. and there happened to be a good spot in the 3rd row a couple seats down from a gorgeous girl. now i'm not much for hitting on girls mid-class because i do actually need to pass. but she's easy on the eyes, and maybe the opportunity would arise to strike up a conversation. but i digress. the opportunity did not arise, rather lecture turned into 30 minutes of pure hell. twenty minutes into class my insides begin to churn something awful and have the sound effects to go with it. what starts as drawn out groans and gurgling, begins to spout more detrimental effects further south. amidst all this, my professor announces that our first quiz is on monday and, being the cool guy he is, is going to give us some answers without giving us the answers. i begin shifting around in the little wooden stadium seat trying to ease the pressure in whatever way possible. my body is screaming, "get out now, maintain some dignity while you can." but the exit is all the way in the back, i am smack in the middle of the row, multiple people between me and the aisles. i did not trust that i could easily shimmy past them without gassing the front of the room... or worse. so i planted where i was and continued to squirm, trying to focus as much as i could on what the professor was saying, and off of the circus in my stomach. i caught a few weird glances in my direction like i was on drugs or about to have some sort of psychotic episode. reasonably so, what with all the shifting, clenching and now visible sweating. seconds seemed like days but i powered through. i even managed to wait until my row was clear before i tried getting out of my seat. out in the hallway, it seemed like all time had stopped. think of the flash, as if everybody was moving really slow but he's weaving in between people like they weren't there. that was me up until i made it into the stall. my only relief from this event is that being in a lecture hall i can sit pretty much anywhere and never have to interact with the people who saw me in the horrific state i was in.

A: TIFU by eating Chinese food before lecture.
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Q: Text: so, just to explain, i've been reading tifu for a while & finally decided to make my own account & put some of my own fuck-ups on here, for anyone who read my other post, this also happened a few years ago, in fact this happened only a month or two after the previous one, so here we go.

so, shortly after the loss of my firestaff, bob & i decided to go camping, it was summer, we had nothing to do & we both love the outdoors. this was not a preplanned event, this was a 'sitting outside in the middle of the night, don't feel like being in the house tonight' thing, so that's how i ended up sneaking into my home, retrieving my new tent, sleeping bags etc. & pitching said tent at 3am with my now fiance after an early hour supply run to the local 24 hour asda. this decision lead to a 4 day camping trip where we were joined on & off by various friends, generally accompanied by ample alcohol. the first night was fine, just the 2 of us enjoying a starlit night in the middle of a well hidden section of a local park, the second night we were joined by 2 of our friends & this is where the alcohol first began to flow & so the fuck up begins.

i can't remember most of what was actually drunk that night but i do remember one particular concoction that i believe was agreed should not be tried again, namely, vimto & rum, apparently not a good combination (though not having tried it i can't really comment either way). now the way it's set up is bob & i have our tent at one side of the clearing we'd found & the other couple had there tent across from us. when i bought our tent it came as a full set complete with sleeping bags, camping mats & chairs. the other girl had brought her tent, sleeping bags & what she thought were 2 chairs but it later transpired when she took them out of their bags that they were in fact small camping tables,1 of which was broken. 

& so the drink flowed & burgers were consumed & we were generally having a pretty good time together when bob feels the call of nature & gets up to relieve himself behind a nearby tree. it's at this point i suddenly realize that he & the other lad have claimed my chairs & myself & the other girl are sitting on the tables, more to the point, i seem to have ended up perched on the broken one. feeling this is highly unfair i rise & plonk myself down upon the seat bob just vacated, moments later he returns & decides this is not acceptable. he stands behind me & promptly flicks my ear, telling me it's his seat & i should move, to which i respond by parroting his own teaching of 'get to your feet, lose your seat. he flicks me again telling me to move & again i refuse. his next move is to try to remove me from the seat by pushing me off however, due to the amount of brain inhibiting liquid consumed by now he misjudges & instead of pushing me off the chair, causes myself & the chair to tip forward, sending me plummeting towards the fiery abyss that was our barbecue...

thankfully, my reflexes remain intact regardless of how pissed i am & so i managed to fling my arms forward in time to prevent myself from actually crashing down upon the meat-searing pit of sparks & charcoal, merely landing over it instead. the friends explode into a torrent of concern, bob is stood behind the fallen chair also concerned but fighting laughter & i am howling with laughter in my bizarre crab position, finding the irony of someone who regularly plays with fire almost being cooked on her own barbecue hilarious. i got up, perfectly unharmed, not even slightly singed, & perched myself back on the broken camping table, seeing it now as the safest option. 

thankfully the rest of the camping trip proceeded without further incident & we regularly laugh about it & plan to go camping again as often as we can once we have the time & money (it got quite expensive keeping everyone sufficiently fed & pissed, hence we packed up on day 5)

A:
TIFU by nearly getting cooked
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