instruction:
In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
question:
Text: obligatory persuasive statement:  i'm not racist.  i'm the most open minded person out there.  really, i am.  we live in a very diverse community, have diverse friendships, i'm a minority myself.

 i have three kids, little boys, who say and act and do the most stupid, crazy ass shit on a daily basis.  i like talking, and i am always talking, i explain things all the time.  why it's inappropriate to say this or do that, in regards to my kids stupid, crazy ass, daily shit.

my 7 year old, being the youngest boy, always getting interrupted by his brothers, always feeling duped by them, etc, has anger issues.  

his oldest brother, 10, comes home saying very racist things.  they attend a predominantly african american elementary school.  it's a great school, good teachers, i lucked out with the curriculum. but my 5th grader comes home with "mom, my friends say that they are the better race." or "they call me little dick, cause i'm white." or this gem "you can't hang with us, cracka." 

we aren't even white.  

whatever, i like that my kids are exposed to the different cultures out there, and i just tell them how we are all equal, we are all human beings, and our color doesn't matter, it's what's on the inside that counts.  very pc stuff.

fast forward to the next morning, driving the boys to school.  my little anger issue 7 year old, tells us "i hate this girl in my class, she's ugly.  she has rotten teeth and brown skin." 

ugh, was he not paying attention when i made my "we are the world" speech?  i tell him, "honey, that isn't nice to say, she is a nice girl, and it's not nice to point out peoples skin color. you have other friends who are black. her skin does not make her ugly."  

"her skin is brown, not black."   

time to drop off, kisses, hugs, free for 7 hours, thank god!

i get a phone call at the end of the school day.  they want me to come in to discuss something in regards to one of the boys.  i don't know which boy, but i know it has something to do with stupid, crazy ass boy stuff shit.  

it's the seven year old.  he was angry for a girl butting into his conversation.  he told her "go to hell.  you're ugly and your family is brown."

i'm stunned.  i ask him "what have we talked about, skin color doesn't matter."  i completely by pass the hell comment, because i know that the african american principal didn't call me in to talk about religion.

i say a few more things about how we talk about racism at home, and we are all human.  i apologize profusely to the principal and vice principal, ask them to apologize to the family on my behalf, shake hands just before the tears well up in my eyes.  we agreed to a fitting punishment for him, and i'm out.  

 fuck, i'm friends with every parent in the school.  the usually cheerful secretaries don't even look up as i say, "see you ladies."  i feel ashamed.

my seven year old, who is feeling bad about the whole thing, then says to me, without any prompting, "the vice principal asked me 'who told you about black and white.'"  

"what did you say?"

"i told her you taught me."

fuck
answer:
TIFU by being a racist parent


question:
Text: so like most tifus this happened about a year ago but just remembered to post it today. 

so some background: i am an avid mountain biker and race dirtbikes so i am more than comfortable on 2 wheels. 

it was my 18th birthday on the friday 2 days after i just moved in to my dorm for the first time my freshman year.  since we were only a couple days in to school and a bunch of 18 year olds that just moved in to college, we decided to celebrate our new-found freedom and got hammered drunk.  our little celebration ended up turning in to a party in our suite style dorm. we were playing beer pong and other drinking games until some drunk girl stepped on our only ball crushing it, rendering it useless.

not wanting the party festivities to end because of that, we were frantically looking for ping pong balls. someone said that they sell balls at the rec center  that was almost 2 miles across campus but it closed in 15 min. so me, being nearly blackout drunk and extremely overconfident with my abilities, i decided "fuck it i can ride my bike and make it across campus in time" 

i hopped on my bike and hauled ass across campus and made it in time! i bought 10 balls so we wouldn't have this issue again, then began on my way back to the dorm. once i hopped on my bike i get a phone call from my ex girlfriend that we broke up a couple weeks prior. i answered the phone while still riding and began to talk for a bit.  i was riding on the sidewalks bc campus was pretty empty at the time. i was bombing down the hill with one hand on the handle bars and one holding my phone. as i was picking up speed i noticed there were a couple people walking on the side walk. not thinking (probably cause i was drunk and overconfident) i turned to ride off the curb as to avoid them. i'm not sure how or why it happened but the second my front wheel went off the curb, my handlebars turned 90 degrees and went from going about 20-25mph to 0 mph quite quickly. i got sent over the handlebars head first, lawn darting in to the asphalt. ended up smashing my face on the road, breaking my nose, scraping the left side of my face and my entire left arm. my phone went flying across the street shattering the screen into about a thousand pieces, phone call still going and a very confused ex girlfriend on the other end. 

luckily i was drunk enough where i  popped back up immediately and started laughing at myself. until the pain set in. managed to ride the rest of the way and continue on with the drinking games. (after cleaning myself up of course)
needless to say my new friends were very concerned and now thought i was a dumbass.
answer:
TIFU by riding my bike and talking on the cellphone


question:
Text: ok maybe that's a bit of an over-exaggeration, but still.


since it's been so cold and rainy and generally awful today, i decided to make some soup for dinner. first ingredient: red pepper flakes. in order to bring our some of the flavors, i decide to throw them in the pot before adding anything else, but stupid me forgot the oil. i'd also forgotten that the pot had been on the heat for quite some time.


so i throw the pepper flakes in, step away for a second to prepare other things, and look back to see a bit of smoke rising out of the pot. no biggie, i'll just take it off the heat. as soon as i go back over, bam: face and lungs full of capsaicin-charged smoke. immediately, i double over coughing and crying, somehow managing to take it off the heat. my roommate (who's bedroom happens to be right next to the kitchen) starts coughing and shouting at me "what the fuck are you doing in there?"


even after opening the kitchen windows, there's still a bit of a burn in the back of our throats and we're still coughing an hour or so later to remind me of my stupidity. if you're going to toast some chili flakes, remember the oil!


at least the soup was good.


extra note: another one of my roommates came home a little later and started gasping loudly and i straight up thought he was dying of allergies or something, scared the shit out of me. turns out he was gasping at a gift he received.
answer:

TIFU by accidentally pepper-spraying my entire apartment


