Teacher:Given a post that is a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation and a question asks if AUTHOR, NOBODY, EVERYBODY, or OTHER is wrong in the situation. Answer the question and classify your answers into yes or no.
Teacher: Now, understand the problem? Solve this instance: Is OTHER wrong in the post ? POST : AITA for not using my husband's native language more at home?

Throwaway account for anonymity.

**TLDR:** Husband claims I don't use his native language enough at home and that excuses the mean things he says in English.

**Background:** My husband is Italian, and I'm American. We met in college when he was an exchange student here and I was looking for a language partner to help me pass my Italian class. My grandparents were Italian and luckily I qualify for dual citizenship, so after graduating I moved to Italy to work and be with him. After 3 years we decided to get married and move to the US. This was about 8 years ago. 

My Italian is conversational, but I'm not fluent. And of course having been out of the country so long, it's getting harder and harder for me to remember. I do try to keep up but it's different when you're not a student and not surrounded by the language every day.

My husband still struggles with his English, although his English is better than my Italian. He uses English at work, has a few Italian friends he sees once a week or so, and at home we speak a mix, but it's probably around 25% Italian, 75% English. Obviously with English being my native language I usually start with that when we talk, but I do try to start conversations in Italian if I'm confident enough in the subject matter. I also find that if we're speaking in Italian and my husband switches to English, I mirror him subconsciously and switch as well.

Often when we argue, I find that my husband uses language as a sort of "get out of jail free card." No matter what my complaint is, he just counters "you don't use Italian enough," as though that gives him an excuse for whatever he's done or said. He'll often demand I speak in Italian when we're int he middle of arguing too, which makes me mad because I can't accurately express myself in Italian and I feel like it's some weird power play for him to try to get the upper hand. He says when I use Italian it "softens" my tone and he can be more sympathetic instead of defensive. 

Today we had an argument about something he often does. I don't think I was being overly rude, but I sighed frustratedly and said something along the lines of "you always do this" (and honestly, it was the kind of annoyance that if he had just playfully apologized I would have rolled my eyes and gotten over it quickly) and he countered back (in English) "F\*\*\* you."  I do not tolerate being sworn to like that, to me that's a below the belt insult and I don't care what we're discussing, you don't say that to someone you love. He eventually apologized for swearing, but said if I had approached him in Italian he wouldn't have sworn - "I'm sorry for swearing, just Italian next time." I don't think that's a good excuse or even "agreement" for our argument because he shouldn't be resorting to swearing whether we're speaking in English or not! And it's not like I say "F you" to him when we fight and he's just repeating my use of the language back to me.

I want to make it clear that I in no way expect him to just speak English because we're in the US. I love the Italian language, and want our future kids to grow up bilingual (despite both my grandparents being Italian they never spoke it at home to my dad and he regrets not learning it from them). And I want our home to be a lingual safe haven for my husband after a day of using his second language, because I know what it's like to have to work in a foreign language, it can fry your brain. I just really dislike that he only brings it up if we're arguing and I'm mad about something he's done. He never asks me when we're just sitting around having a normal conversation, it's ONLY when we both know I have a point about something he's done and he feels he's backed into a corner that he busts out the "You don't use Italian, it's your fault!" card. Also, I only ask him to use English to clarify something he's said in Italian that I don't understand, I never demand he speak to me in English. Even in Italy I never asked that of him. 

Also, I have stated to him that I would have no problem moving back to Italy if he finds he doesn't like living in the US any more, and he says he never wants to move back. So there isn't a problem with that either. 

So, AITA for not using Italian more at home? 

I'm on my lunch break at work, I won't be able to respond much to questions for a few hours but will try my best. 
Student:
yes