TASK DEFINITION: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
PROBLEM: Text: obligatory persuasive statement:  i'm not racist.  i'm the most open minded person out there.  really, i am.  we live in a very diverse community, have diverse friendships, i'm a minority myself.

 i have three kids, little boys, who say and act and do the most stupid, crazy ass shit on a daily basis.  i like talking, and i am always talking, i explain things all the time.  why it's inappropriate to say this or do that, in regards to my kids stupid, crazy ass, daily shit.

my 7 year old, being the youngest boy, always getting interrupted by his brothers, always feeling duped by them, etc, has anger issues.  

his oldest brother, 10, comes home saying very racist things.  they attend a predominantly african american elementary school.  it's a great school, good teachers, i lucked out with the curriculum. but my 5th grader comes home with "mom, my friends say that they are the better race." or "they call me little dick, cause i'm white." or this gem "you can't hang with us, cracka." 

we aren't even white.  

whatever, i like that my kids are exposed to the different cultures out there, and i just tell them how we are all equal, we are all human beings, and our color doesn't matter, it's what's on the inside that counts.  very pc stuff.

fast forward to the next morning, driving the boys to school.  my little anger issue 7 year old, tells us "i hate this girl in my class, she's ugly.  she has rotten teeth and brown skin." 

ugh, was he not paying attention when i made my "we are the world" speech?  i tell him, "honey, that isn't nice to say, she is a nice girl, and it's not nice to point out peoples skin color. you have other friends who are black. her skin does not make her ugly."  

"her skin is brown, not black."   

time to drop off, kisses, hugs, free for 7 hours, thank god!

i get a phone call at the end of the school day.  they want me to come in to discuss something in regards to one of the boys.  i don't know which boy, but i know it has something to do with stupid, crazy ass boy stuff shit.  

it's the seven year old.  he was angry for a girl butting into his conversation.  he told her "go to hell.  you're ugly and your family is brown."

i'm stunned.  i ask him "what have we talked about, skin color doesn't matter."  i completely by pass the hell comment, because i know that the african american principal didn't call me in to talk about religion.

i say a few more things about how we talk about racism at home, and we are all human.  i apologize profusely to the principal and vice principal, ask them to apologize to the family on my behalf, shake hands just before the tears well up in my eyes.  we agreed to a fitting punishment for him, and i'm out.  

 fuck, i'm friends with every parent in the school.  the usually cheerful secretaries don't even look up as i say, "see you ladies."  i feel ashamed.

my seven year old, who is feeling bad about the whole thing, then says to me, without any prompting, "the vice principal asked me 'who told you about black and white.'"  

"what did you say?"

"i told her you taught me."

fuck

SOLUTION: TIFU by being a racist parent

PROBLEM: Text: what do you know, this actually happened today, a few hours ago.

 it's now nearly midnight, and i've been moving my girlfriend and i into a new apartment since 9am. around 1030pm, we are finishing up cleaning and transporting our last load. finally! 

it's been such a long terrible day, and we're both exhausted. we lock the door for the last time at our old apartment. we take our separate cars, and she stops at the gas station, while i get a five minute head start. i take this bypass road, sort of a four lane highway that goes from one side of town to the other. i'm going 50 when i hear something fly out of the back of the truck... fuck it. i'm too tired to even imagine doing anything about it.

i get to the new place, pizza we ordered is early, and i'm struggling to get shit carried inside and sign for the pics when my girlfriend calls... she's panicked! she's stuck on the bypass, car won't move... i can't hear her, but after having her repeat herself three times she tells me she hit the step stool! i run out to the car... that fucking step stool! it's not there!

i make sure she is pulled over, cautions on, and rush back. two police officers surrounding her when i pull up. sure enough, the fucking step stool flew out of my truck, and five minutes later on the busiest road in town my girlfriend ran over it.

there was what appeared to be water leaking a fair amount, so hopefully nothing's broken... we'll find out tomorrow after some time passes.

SOLUTION: Tifu not securing items in the back of my truck

PROBLEM: Text: this actually happened maybe a month ago.

i had a whole package of those extra-long necklace glowsticks on the floor in my bedroom. i stepped on the package by accident and cracked all of them.

i figured, "well, why waste them?" so i finished cracking them, shook them all up, and looped them together. then i turned off the light . . . to find my entire room was speckled green.

one of the green ones had cracked open. so i figured, "hell, might as well wander down to the kitchen and get my glow on in a glass!"

i went to the sink, put a glass in it, cut one end of the glowstick and inverted it. then i tried to cut the top off, too. somehow the scissors bent it and when the top came off it flung glowing liquid everywhere, speckling the kitchen and dowsing my eyes.

i normally leave all the lights off but it hardly mattered as i stupidly rushed blind to the bathroom instead of trying to rinse it in the sink.

admittedly, the five seconds of glowvision were pretty sweet. not to mention that moment between looking in the bathroom mirror and pulling the chain for the light.

long story short, i washed my eyes out and was fine. the chemicals weren't corrosive or anything but it burned like crazy.

SOLUTION:
TIFU by Giving Myself Glow-in-the-Dark Eyes

