In this task you are given an anecdote, which recount a complex ethical situation. The question you are given is, has the author of the anecdote acted ethically? answer this question with "RIGHT" or "WRONG".

My boyfriend and I have been dating about 3 years, both in our late 40's. He is extremely thrifty - hates throwing anything away, and rarely buys anything new (clothes, furniture, you name it). One of his points of pride is recycling wrapping paper from past gift exchanges. He said he hasn't bought wrapping paper in years; he just keeps it when someone gives him a gift, and recycles it. When he gives a gift, he often asks for the paper back to be used again. So, gifts from him always come wrapped in paper that has tons of creases and folds, and it just is what it is. I generally don't mind, and it is kind of a running joke at this point.

Cut to Valentine's Day this year, and he gave me two gifts wrapped in paper with hearts and the word "love" all over it. As per usual, the paper had lots of creases and folds and was obviously re-used (I recognize basically all the wrapping paper he has used in the past 3 years, but had never seen this particular paper before). I asked if this had been given to him on a gift by a past girlfriend, and he said yes it had. He said he couldn't remember which girlfriend had given it to him (which I doubt; he remembers everything). I didn't make a HUGE huge deal, but I did point out that it doesn't exactly make me feel special to be given something wrapped in paper from a past love relationship. He didn't understand why I would care, and that he thought this paper would be perfect and romantic. So, I was mildly annoyed and then he reacted by being mildly annoyed. He said I shouldn't have even said anything, and to pick my battles.

AITA?

tl;dr: Thrifty boyfriend recycled "love" wrapping paper from a past girlfriend's gift and wrapped my VD gift in it. I was mildly annoyed.
WRONG

  

Some backstory: My husband lost his construction job in 2017 just before winter in the Midwest. I decided to take a job offer with better pay and worse hours (80+ hours a week) so my husband could stay home and study for his CDL. He claimed to want a more stable career. 

This continues for several months until I completely burn myself out trying to manage the kids (4) and the household while working so much. My husband decided to start looking for a job again, putting a pin in the CDL goal. He found a job that took him away from home for 3-4 months at a time working in agricultural construction this past spring. While he was gone I decided to go back to college online. 

He worked there for four months before he **intentionally** got fired (he told me this). During this time he was striking up conversations with an ex, who has been a continuous dark cloud over our relationship because of my own insecurities. He then comes back to Indiana and tells his father I said he wasn’t allowed back home because he didn’t have a job (I never said these words and I didn’t know he was coming back home until after he’d already returned to the state.) 

His father gives him an under-the-table job two hours away from our home, so my husband has been staying with his dad and his uncle for the last six months. 

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I have been trying to get a handle on our money because I am hoping to go to law school and my credit report doesn’t look so great. I started working on a budget this afternoon and four hours later I had all the finances in one place. While my husband and I were texting about our days, I sent him a photo of what I’d done for the day. He makes an inaccurate comment about how we would have “$500 left over a month.” 

I explain to him we wouldn’t have any left-overs anymore because I was doing a zero-based budget. I joke that I didn’t think he would read everything so closely and he shuts down for a moment. He then goes into it, telling me how he needs to pay his dad back for all the charity and is upset I didn’t consult with him. 

I try explaining to him these numbers were based on whether or not my ex-husband would pay his child support payments on time every week (which he hasn’t done for 11 years, but they started up again recently). He then takes offense that I used his name and ends the conversation before “it leads to a stupid ass argumentative tone that ends up with us getting nasty with each other”. 

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I wasn’t finished explaining the budget but he wanted to end the conversation without letting me explain. So I messaged him anyway. He goes off, implying I think he should screw over his father and telling me “it’s nice you can write the whole budget without even asking if I have any debts I need to settle”. (Him not being considerate of me has been an ongoing issue in our relationship – including him disappearing for hours into the early morning with his friend to get high and not calling me – and it has never been a problem for the past three years that I’ve managed the finances without “consulting” him.)

I threw my hands up. I’m functioning as a single mother of four, in college full-time, one of my children has ODD/ADD and I’m driving back and forth to the school twice a week for a problem, my kids have 2-3 out of school activities a piece, I’m the only one cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, paying the bills, dealing with household problems.

I acknowledge on a weekly basis how much it means to me that my husband works so hard and keeps a steady income so we can pay for necessities. I give him massages every time I see him because he’s in manual labor. I do not feel like I downplay what he does at all. I do not receive the same acknowledgment.

I told him he could hand the finances, then, and he agreed. I gave him every password to every account.  He states we’re going to have a surplus of cash because he didn’t know what half the accounts were (I only sent him our utilities, two credit cards we don’t use, the internet log in, our car insurance, and our debt consolidation payment). He then tells me the bills will just “have to wait” until he has better internet service. 

I tell him I would take that as a sign of being apathetic to the needs of his family. I told him “since I’ve been doing such a shitty job handling the finances, there’s no reason for money to continue to touch my hands”. He claims I put words in his mouth and then said “fuck you” to me. I told him he didn’t say it, but he implied it. I wrote down a nicer way he could have asked. 

He tells me I blew shit out of proportion “in a feminine manner” and that I “make \[him\] look like a dumbass”. (There were just the two of us texting???) I asked him if he thought my opinions, thoughts, words, and ideas don’t matter because I have a vagina.

He exact words were “Well, if the stereotypical shoe fits, makeover them Pradas”. (I don’t even know what this means, the most expensive pair of shoes I own I got on clearance for less than $30.) At this point, I stop responding to him because it’s not getting anywhere and he’s being ridiculous.

Afterward, he called me on the phone and demanded my email account information. I told him I didn’t want to give it to him and told him it was not because I have anything to hide, but because of the nasty way, he demanded it. He told me to shut the fuck up. I hung up on him. 

He called back and asked if I was done being a bitch. I hung up again. 

He called back and started screaming at me. At one point he accused me of thinking I’m always right about everything (which is completely untrue and I’ve, on more than just one occasion, admitted to being wrong/defeated, and I’m not a spoiled sport about it). I told him he was being disrespectful by calling me names and telling me to “shut up”. I said I wanted a divorce and that I didn’t want a partner who couldn’t be mad without disrespecting me. He mocked me and told me he wouldn’t sign papers.

I told him I didn’t need his signature and that the courts grant contested divorces. He finally stopped screaming at me and said “Fine, I’ll sign your damn papers and find somewhere else to live”. And he hung up.
RIGHT

Throwaway for reasons

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Background info:

I do have a invisible disability and 90% of the time I'm in pain and I just can't go out. It affect my stomach and I can't eat certain/most foods. My friends know about my disability because it eventually came to the point where didn't want them to think I'm bailing on them when they invite me to go out to eat. I'm not the type of person that tells people about every detail about my life, disability, financial issue, and etc.

I'm not working because my disability is affecting me 24/7. I tried to work full-time in a office for 2 months and my pain fucking tripled. Before that I was working part-time it was okay but I couldn't stand over 4-5 hrs and they never had any hours for me. 

I'm not on SS disability. I applied and they denied me. I'm in waiting process for a hearing. (it's been 2 1/2 years)

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I'm "that friend" that always cancels or makes excuses to not go out. Most of time I cancel on people. It's not because I want to cancel its because I'm poor. 

I don't have money to just throw on eating food out in expensive places, go to events, and etc. 

My friend invite me to go an convention for 3-4 days and obviously it would be awesome to go. I'm just stuck on what to say to them. My family is struggling to pay bills as is. You don't know how many fucking time I've crying into a panic attack because my family can't even afford basic needs.

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*Even if I wanted to go this would be the prices:*

*Flight - $140*

*Hotel- $160/per night*

*Food-$50/ per day*

*Tickets- $60 for one day at convention*

*More stuff they want to do: $$ ???*

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I hate saying no to people or making excuses. I just don't want to tell my friend; "Hey, sorry I can't go because I'm poor and have my own issues". Like it's unfair to them and me. 

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Would I be an asshole if I just tell me friend that I can't afford it and I'm poor?

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RIGHT

