Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.

A couple of months ago I [24M] started developing feelings toward my friend [24F] who happened to have a boyfriend at that time. It turned out that she also liked me and their relationship was going downhill for some time.

Finally, she broke up with him (after a 5-year relationship) and we started dating. He never knew about my existence and she didn't tell him that I was the reason for the breakup. As far as I knew, he still loved her and wanted to be with her, but she didn't feel anything toward him anymore.

After dating for three months we started to have some disagreements. Basically, I became very involved and wanted her to be my full-time girlfriend, while she wanted to stay in a more loose, friends-with-benefits kind of relationship (but remain faithful to each other). I became frustrated, because I was the only one initiating contact and meetings and she never wrote me first. Shortly before Christmas we decided to have a break and stop seeing each other for some time.

At a New Year's Eve party (that she didn't attend), our mutual friend who has very good contact with her told me that she started seeing her ex.

I was heartbroken (and drunk). I did a very stupid thing. I wrote to him that I was the reason for the breakup and that we dated and she wanted to come back to him because it didn't work out well with me.

He thanked me and immediately told her about it. Needless to say, she hates me now.

It turned out that they only met to talk. Our mutual friend portrayed it like she definitely wanted to get back to him, which turned out not to be true.

I feel like I did a good thing for him telling him the truth. But I broke her trust and probably destroyed my relationship with her (and i still love her). I am also very angry at myself because I was drunk and misinformed and wouldn't do it in other circumstances. AITA?
answerable

I'm not much for the whole giving people shit for fun thing. It irritates me, and I don't care to participate. I expect my friends to understand that and leave me out of it or I walk. I'll volley back once or twice, but if it goes beyond three times, I cut that shit off.

I understand other guys do this, but I don't give af. AITA for expecting others to understand that? I don't think so, but I want to know what others think.
not answerable

TL;DR - I have about $50k in student loan debt after 3 degrees while my SO’s parents paid for his education 100%. He wants me to keep paying for it out of a separate checking account after we get married. 

My boyfriend and I are looking to get engaged later this year. We’re trying to be responsible and have all of The Conversations you’re supposed to before you get married. We got to the finance part of that today. 

He said unequivocally that all bills, utilities, and normal costs (groceries, car repairs, etc) should be paid from a joint checking account that we’ll open while engaged, but he’d consider keeping a separate account open for “spending money,” etc. I told him I wasn’t entirely comfortable with that - he’s extremely trustworthy, but that still feels secretive and too easy to make into a problem. He agreed that made sense so he wouldn’t but asked if I was keeping a separate account to keep paying for my student loans. I was shocked and a little hurt, to say the least. 

He comes from an upper/upper middle class family who sent him to private school K-12 and paid for his college entirely. My parents are public school teachers so obviously they couldn’t do that for me, but I had a large part of undergrad covered with scholarships. I have two BAs and will finish grad school soon with a total debt of about $50k. Not great, but I know that’s still at or below average for our generation. 

He said he’s uncomfortable paying for debt he didn’t accumulate and doesn’t want that “affecting credit scores and stuff.” (It’s worth noting his parents are pretty secretive about money, so his financial education is... lacking.) I can understand that in general, and it would be a different conversation if he’d had his own debt that he paid off solo. I also explained that I’m not expecting him to write a check from his own salary while I go blow my own pay on dumb stuff. I feel like I’m being held at arm’s length or looked down on because of a completely normal, if shitty, part of life that he was just lucky enough to avoid. 

AITA for looking at marriage this way - a total combination of everything, including all the baggage in all its forms? Does it matter that our situations are so disparate in this instance?




answerable

