In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a short summary for this text. The summary must include a situation which caused humor. The summary should be one or two sentences long.

Text: now, i am a clumsy idiot. i've dropped expensive equipment on my foot, dropped expensive equipment on my boss's foot, sliced my wrist open after falling from a ladder, etc., but today's screw-up was by far the worst.

i work in an industrial area and we store these 8ft long, 6in diameter open-ended steel pipes outside. our neighboring lot is empty and has an impressive ground squirrel infestation. now, a few fun facts about ground squirrels:

1. they are fat and stupid.
2. they love to hide in dark tunnel-like places.
3. they gorge constantly on grass and are always full of poop.

naturally, ground squirrels and steel pipes make for a happy combination. the rodents think that the pipes are their own tunnels, and then they hide in them when people approach. of course, this doesn't work so well if their hiding place routinely gets picked up and moved.

i'm no stranger to these little poop sacks in pipes. the standard operating procedure is to pick up the pipe vertically and heft it up a few inches so that the suckers fall out and scurry off. sometimes, though, they ninja-stick themselves to the inner wall of the pipe and refuse to drop. so you gotta lift the pipe and drop it on its end a few times so they get shaken up.

this time, i go to pick up the pipe and, sure enough, the little bastard doesn't want to come out. i lift and drop the pipe a few times. nothing. so i lift higher and higher and drop it harder and harder until...

**splat**. 

what. was. that.

i look down to see that the ground squirrel had fallen out, but only halfway, ass-first, and the edge of the pipe caught him on the way down. the flange on the pipe had flattened his midsection and all of his guts had somehow prolapsed its way through his little ground squirrel anus and out onto my shoe.

and the guts had burst.

the sheer force of the pipe assploded his colon and made a diarrhea fountain. it was all over my shoe, my jeans, and my right arm. and in the split second this happened, while i was looking down in shock, i felt something hit the back of my neck.

poop.

so much poop.

having launched itself in the sky, the poop was now raining down full force on my head.

panic.

my hair stinks like poop. there's poop all over my hand and arm. somehow, a poop splatter had traveled up my short sleeve shirt and hit my armpit hair. it's simultaneously just like chocolate rain, and nothing like chocolate rain.

i tear off my shirt and throw it on the ground. that was a mistake. now it's doubly covered in poop and dead ground squirrel. and i'm shirtless.

i had to sneak out to my car and drive home naked to shower.

once i'm decontaminated i'll go back to take a picture, if the crows haven't gotten at the carcass already.

 

**update 1**: i went back to find the carcass but it was gone. the birds must've got him. maybe next time when i find a ground squirrel in a pipe i'll stage a photoshoot before chasing him off. 

**update 2**: [i caught one!](http://i.imgur.com/qb3qzu8.png) he's a little on the small side (about 8" head to tail) so he slipped out of the pipe easy. i'll leave him in the bucket for a while to reflect on his actions.
: accidentally crush ground squirrel, get karmic vengeance in the form of airborne diarrhea all over my hair.

Text: this happened over the weekend and i'm still processing it.

i (24 m) used tinder once before and met a cool chick and it didn't work out so i decided to try again, what could go wrong right?

so after a few days of using tinder, i stopped launching the app but left my profile active, so i kept getting a few matches. well one night my friends and i decide to go bar hopping in a pretty well popular area because why not?

we're all pretty smashed at a bar, and i'm wearing the same sweater in my profile picture. apparently some girl i matched with sent me a few messages (i checked it was 10 within a 2 hour period) and i never responded. she recognizes me and starts yelling at me! mind you i didn't have any idea what was going on as i'm drunk off my ass. 

she's going psycho saying "wtf theadventuringpanda, why did you never respond to me?!"  i responded with "who are you?".
apparently this drove her nuts. she started yelling combinations of words i've never heard before, then she grabbed my drink and threw it in my face, then security came and threw us both out on our asses. she then followed my buddies and i to the car and is yelling and screaming still. while we were driving off she threw her shoe at the car. my buddies were laughing the entire time.

i think i'm just gonna stay inside for the rest of my life.
psycho lady ruined the party cause i didn't respond to her tinder messages.

Text: so contrary the usual posts on this sub, this fuck-up happened about ten minutes ago; i literally thought as soon as it happened "yup this is going on reddit".

a little backstory; i have one of those all-in-one smoothie blenders that is also a bottle. you put the blade lid on, blend your stuff, then swap it for a regular lid and take it with you to save cleaning. it's pretty neat, and i've had it for about a year. recently i discovered that it's an incredibly easy way to make pancake batter; just throw everything in, blend it up, then pour it out of the bottle lid. 

so flashback a few days or so to when i made pancakes. after i made them, rather than cleaning it, i simply filled it about 2/3 full of water and soap, with a couple of inches of batter left in the bottom, then screwed the bladed lid back on. i figured i'd wash it up properly when i next cleaned my kitchen, and by then it would have soaked so it would be really easy to wash (the blades are a pain to clean).

that was about four or five days ago. i'm a student, and i have a massive deadline on tuesday, which i have of course prepared incredibly poorly for, thus i have been up late nights recently, and haven't bothered to clean my kitchen. 

however today i decided i wanted pancakes. so i picked up the blender and attempted to open it to clean it out. would not budge. i'm relatively strong (not a gym man but i did a lot of heavy lifting at my last job) and this thing was not going anywhere. i figured some of the batter/water mix had settled and jammed it shut or something. cue fuck-up part one; i gave it a hearty shake. tried again; still nothing. fuck-up part two; bashing it lightly on the side of my sink, in a misguided attempt to dislodge whatever was holding it shut. still wouldn't move; it was fully locked up. 

fuck up part three: the grand finale. i gave it another vigorous shake (do not ask me why i thought this was a good idea, i was up until about 4am last night). i took a tea-towel, and holding the blender against my chest, right in the centre with the lid pointing up, i twisted with all my might. 

the lid of course, came off. violently. all of my shaking had caused some kind of god-awful pressure build up, and the lid shot off, straight up into my chin, followed by a nice spurt of diluted rancid pancake batter. luckily i don't seem to have permanently damaged my chin/jaw, but it's sore as heck and my hair, face and kitchen now stink of gone-off pancake mix. time for a shower!

i shook a sealed container then opened it, and essentially shot myself in the chin while spraying myself with diluted mouldy pancake batter.

