In this task you are given an anecdote, which recount a complex ethical situation. The question you are given is, has the author of the anecdote acted ethically? answer this question with "RIGHT" or "WRONG".

Ok there's a lot to digress here, so bear with me.

My 2nd language is Japanese, I speak it at home and been to Japan multiple times. 

I've expressed to my boyfriend many, many times that I've wanted us to go to Japan together, because it is like my second culture and I would love for us to experience it together. While he didn't express too much interest in Japanese culture, he said he would also love for us to go to Japan together soon and would want to travel abroad for a new experience.

Last November, I went to Japan for a short vacation and for family reasons, also for my late brother's funeral. Initially my boyfriend was very excited and was planning to come with me, but we went through a hardship and he grew increasingly hesitant, then decided he would not be able to come with me. He also decided the funeral would be too much for him. I was heartbroken and this was a huge event in my life that I wish he could've accompanied me with. I tried to put myself in his shoes and realized that he would not want to go through such a thing but it still hurt because I wish he was with me at my side and wanted his support.

Fast forward months later, a few weeks ago he was telling me that he wanted to travel alone to another country, to better his mental health and to discover new things about himself. I was completely on board with it and encouraged him to do so. 

He then informs me yesterday that instead of traveling alone, he was going to go to Japan with his friend. His friend loves Japanese culture and is planning to go to Japan in May, and my boyfriend said he would tag along. He then asked if I would be mad at him for doing so. While I wasn't mad, I was incredibly hurt that this was so spontaneous and that I felt like he didn't consider that I would've wanted to go with him. 

He then said that he was surprised I wasn't on board with him going to Japan right away and that he wished I could come with him, but he was sorry I couldn't. And that made me feel even more sad. I said it's completely fine if he goes to Japan, as he can make his own decisions, but I was still a little hurt that I felt like he didn't consider I've always wanted to go with him. And that I felt he didn't want to go with me. And then we got into an argument about this whole mess.


AITA for being hurt that my bf would rather go to Japan with his friend instead?
RIGHT

(throwaway because my wife browses reddit and she’ll know this about her straight away, sorry for any formatting errors, I’m on mobile, TLDR at the end, etc)

First of all, I know I’m not perfect, but please hear me out. I don’t know where to start so I’ll just get the elephant in the room out of the way:

I’ve (29/M) been cheating on my wife (31/F) for a little over a year now, with another woman (20/F) that I think I love. 

My wife and I met in college (UK - I think that’s high school in America?) and dated for about two years before I proposed. Things were smooth for almost a year, before my wife seemed to change. She was constantly rude, nagging at me for anything, making belittling comments. I began to spend more time at work to avoid her constant negativity. She was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder. Still, I was sure we’d work through it, so I stayed with her. I believed I still loved her. 

Two years after her diagnosis, my dad died in a car crash. While I was distraught, I couldn’t help but notice that my wife seemed almost glad. She’d never mentioned an issue with my parents, but any time I seemed sad about it, she’s say something like, “It’s for the best,” or “You should get over it soon.” 

My brother took his loss harder than I did and turned to alcohol. As a favour, I took him in when his landlord turned him out. I work a lot, but my wife owns her own business and often works from home. I (wrongly) assumed that I could leave the two of them alone together, but while I was away, they would have sex. I found this out from a neighbour, who walked in on them when asking for a parcel. I also later found out he had been stealing from us as well. 

As any sane person would, I kicked him out of my home. I tried to file for a divorce, but my wife went through an awful depressive episode, lasting almost a month. I dropped the ideas about a divorce. 

For a while, things seemed to go back to how they were when I was 20. Things were going great at work and I was climbing the ranks. We’d just moved into a new house closer to my work. My wife had begun branching out and now owned two or three shops in the city. She was on a new medication that made her a much more pleasant person. Our sex life was great. 

And then we found out she was having a baby. I was ecstatic - I love kids. My wife and I had always wanted a kid, but every time we’d tried it hadn’t worked. Soon enough, our son was born. 

Over the course of his first couple of months, I began to have doubts that he was really my son. I put this off as first kid worries or whatever and continued with my life. Until one evening, my wife sat me down and told me the kid was my brothers. Her reasons were that ‘she knew I’d always wanted a kid’ and that ‘our DNA was too close for it to make a difference’. Never mind the fact that meant she was sleeping with my brother again. 

Again, I distanced myself. I tried to file for a divorce again, but my wife returned to her depressive state, so once again, I dropped it. One night after an argument, I left the house with no intention of going anywhere and ended up in a bar. I got talking to a girl and we had a one night stand. 

I couldn’t help but think of my wife the whole time, and yet a week later I slept with her again. She told me things about herself - she was living with her cousin, she worked two jobs to put herself through uni, she felt like she was alone in the world. Our one night stand became a whole relationship and I realised that I was cheating on my wife. 

It became a lot easier when I made her my secretary. I don’t want to explain many details about our relationship. She was by no means at fault. I didn’t tell her I had a wife until a month or so before I gave her the job. I didn’t tell her about my son until our first argument. 

I was spending a lot more time at work, and my wife began getting suspicious. She stopped taking her meds, telling me they ‘clouded her thoughts’ and refused to speak with her psychiatrist. Still, she doesn’t know about the other woman. 

Really, I know I am at fault for a lot of this, and a tragic backstory or whatever doesn’t let me off. But I really do think I’m in love with the woman I’m cheating with and I don’t know what to do.

TLDR: my wife, who suffers from multiple mental illnesses, has put me through numerous hardships and now I’m cheating on her. Am I the asshole?
WRONG

So I (29M) dated this girl (27F) for a short period of time, but apart from anything platonic it didn't click, and we decided to be close friends since that part did click very well. I'm an aromantic/asexual, so to me that has hardly any other effect than relieving me from the chores related to dating. (nothing emotional on my side, basically ; she knows)

Except that whenever she starts dating someone she treats all of us friends like plan B. Especially with me, she becomes horribly distant and makes sure not to be seen hanging around me in familiar circles/treats me openly like a stranger unless it's incognito. (I get it, I'm an attractive male, my presence usually makes guys quite insecure when they chase, and there is clearly some feelings left on her side ; so...)

Now, friendships mean the whole world to me and I really do my best to care for my friends. But I don't tolerate being «used», and I soon decided to skip being around her to help when her datings failed, and I just come back when she starts feeling better (whether or not I'm an asshole on this is a completely different debate). Ultimately, I got fed up about this, and decided to give her a few months no-contact period (to give her time to at least get rid of her feelings for me).

I've been trying to reconnect with her for the last month, but she's displaying the same pattern as usually while dating (all checks for her actually wanting to be friends again are there, though). Yesterday, I heard by accident that she accepted some guy's proposal for a FWB, and since she's a hopeless romantic, I can already see how it's gonna fail pretty quick and she'll be a mess once again. The difference this time is that I don't think I would ever have a moral obligation to be there for her, since we haven't exactly properly reconnected yet.

So assuming we're talking about solely this time : assuming I really do want to reconnect, though, will I be an asshole for willingly failing to fulfill that part of being an actual friend ?

WRONG

