TASK DEFINITION: In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a title for this text. The title should start with "TIFU by", followed by a situation that caused humor. The title should contain 7-12 words, ideally.
PROBLEM: Text: i hate shopping, but this morning i mustered up the courage to go to the westfield centre in stratford as i needed to get an outfit for a wedding (this weekend). slightly forlorn after not succeeding in my usual ‘go to’ shops, i took the escalator down to the food court. as i day dreamed about fitting into a smaller dress size, and which doughnut i would choose, i looked down and i saw a bank card on the floor. assuming it was the man’s who had been standing in front of me, i chased after him, feeling a sense of worth to have saved him from losing such a vital piece of plastic. as i caught him, my face filled with glee, i was fast approached by the woman behind me, whose card it actually was, who thought i was stealing it. when i tried to explain i just sounded more suspicious. ffs

SOLUTION: TIFU by trying to help

PROBLEM: Text: like many a tifu, this one actually happened a couple days ago. sunday, to be precise. it was my 18th birthday and my girlfriend of 3 years came over for lobster and ice cream. 

my parents are really lax about sex and intimacy, so it's not uncommon for one of us to sit on the sink counter and talk to the other while they take a shower. we shoot the shit and discuss whatever's on our minds. today, however, she was a little more frisky than usual (and she's got a fair-sized libido) and she motioned for me to get out of the shower. one thing led to another and we started making out while i was still slimy*  from body wash not being body washed. we hurriedly tiptoed across the hall to my room and gently closed the door behind us. 

mind you, she's on her period, so sex is essentially out of the question, but she does that thing with her mouth that i have 'come' to love so much. she had me on my back for the whole thing and proceeded to lick, rather than suck. whereas i'm not going to complain, i noticed the danger. i wasn't about to stop this, though, and i suffered the consequences.

not a minute later, i came to too late - much like a 1950s doctor being assaulted by a patient with a history of heroin addiction and violent outbursts - and received a dose of my own medicine. 

in my mouth, on my bedsheets: it was everywhere. she was extremely embarrassed, but i thought it made a good story. 

my first post, so be gentle.

SOLUTION: Tifu by getting a "birthday present"

PROBLEM: Text: so. today, i fucked up. yes yes, we all fuck up. i get it. obviously because there are 14,000+ other fucker uppers on right now. but seriously. i fucked up.

for a little backstory, let's go back to the end of march- i was still casually hooking up with my ex.. ya know, attempting the whole fwb thing. fine and good. never disappointing-- a sure thing. then i started casually dating two guys at the same time. in a matter of two days, i had slept with all three guys. -- and no, this is not a "maury,help!" tifu story--about a week after that, i noticed i had a yeast infection- obviously concerned, i stopped sleeping with everyone. i've always kept a clean shop- never had even a uti before, so i was trying to determine who i needed to stop fucking. 
after about 2 weeks, i thought i had narrowed it down to "bmw-3d printer dude" or the dirty after work sex i was having with "construction worker by day, rapper all the time dude". my idea was that "bmw-3d printer dude" had long finger nails which may have scratched up my labia causing some kind of infection 
--sidenote- guys trim your fucking nails, toes and otherwise- unless you're part of the columbia drug trade, that shit is gross and no one will want to fuck you--
"construction worker by day, rapper all the time dude" had this bumpy tongue. nothing crazy, just a few bumps like you have when you've just gotten over a cold. 
so, after careful consideration and being the kind of girl that needs to not be needed, i dropped "bmw-3d printer dude" because he was too clingy anyway and i couldn't make it past the long nails. 

this brings us to about a week ago. "construction worker, rapper dude" has been hanging out a lot- we finally decided to actually start dating and it's been wonderful. the dude knows how to please a woman. like-- seriously, from every angle, every stroke and every perfectly applied pressure point while going down. i have never had such incredibly imaginative sex until i met him. i was never able to get off from cunnilingus before we started fucking around. truly unreal. with that said, i developed another yeast infection. diflucan is an amazing drug and clears it up within a day or two, but i was still concerned.

this morning, my first day off from an incredibly stressful job, he left for work and i stayed in bed curiously poking around webmd. 

then i saw it-- fucking thrush. http://www.webmd.com/oral-health/guide/dental-health-thrush

i immediately texted him inquiring about the bumpiness of his tongue. the texts came across as rather accusatory, and presumptuous, but i didn't really care at this point. i was half asleep and fighting a still itchy vagina. that's a rough combination.

he was confused, blissfully unaware that his tongue was even the slightest bit abnormal. he even called to let me know that he had the dudes at the construction site look at his tongue, and they didn't notice anything weird. 

by the end of the call, i had successfully accused him of giving me a vaginal infection with his mouth. 

i don't think he's coming back over tonight.

yay for me!

SOLUTION:
TIFU by enjoying company with a bumpy tongue

