TASK DEFINITION: In this task you are given an anecdote, which recount a complex ethical situation. The question you are given is, has the author of the anecdote acted ethically? answer this question with "RIGHT" or "WRONG".
PROBLEM: Today I was sitting in my house when my mother noticed there were two random people shoveling our driveway. She poked her head out the door and said thank you, then came to me and ordered me to help them. I refused, despite her repeatedly trying to force me out there, because we absolutely did not need our driveway shoveled. A few minutes later, my mother came back to me with $20 and ordered me to give it to them, making it clear I would be punished if I didn’t. So, AITA for not wanting to pay or help them with an unsolicited service?

SOLUTION: RIGHT

PROBLEM: I've known this guy about fifteen years. Great guy, generally speaking, and lives in my neighborhood, so I see his wife and daughter around at local stores or wherever. She's always nice, but I wouldn't consider her a friend. I'll call them Dave and Dianne.

Dave has had a side girl for months. I've never met her, but he's shown me some pictures. Last Friday I got a call from his number, but when I picked up it was actually Dianne on his phone. She was very upset. She asked me if Dave was seeing someone, and I told her I didn't think so. I really just panicked, it was sudden and confrontational and weird. Now I feel bad about lying. She's always been nice to me, but I really don't want to be involved in their marriage mess. 

SOLUTION: WRONG

PROBLEM: My brother and my stepdad hate each others’ guts. I don’t want to get too into their history, because it’s winding, complicated and personal, so I’ll summarise it as quickly as I can. My stepdad has been around since we were 2 and 3 respectively. When we were young, we were very close. As we got older, my stepdad was very very strict and could be very cruel verbally at times. My brother was extremely wild and did a lot of dangerous and illegal things. I want to say that I genuinely don’t think either of them is blameless, though I genuinely think I’m too close to the issue to asses it objectively, seeing as I grew up alongside my brother. 

A few years back, they had a really big falling out. They both said a lot of terrible and very over the line things and they both made a lot of threats. My brother left by choice and my stepdad was glad. My brother is 24, lives in an apartment paid for by our biological dad (who has never been much of a dad to either of us in any ways except occasionally financial). It’s a very upper class, expensive apartment. He has no job and receives hundreds of dollars per week from both our parents and grandparents. 

My mother has spent the last three years trying to force them to make peace. It’s very, very painful for her and has taken a huge toll on both relationships. My brother says my mum should’ve picked us over our stepdad. Every time we see my brother, my mum tries to convince him that they should make peace. My brother swears and screams and often walks off. In 3 years, his answer has never wavered.

Every year, we go away one night for Christmas. I’m on that night away as we speak. My mother brought it up (they’re both intoxicated) and my brother got angry immediately and started telling her if she kept doing it, he’d leave. 

My mum asked me, in front of my brother, to tell my brother he should do it. She got emotional and begged me to tell him he has to forgive my stepdad. I said I didn’t want to be involved (a stance I’ve held for all 3 years) and she got very angry and now won’t speak with me.

My problem with taking a side is that I’m very torn. My relationships with both my brother and stepdad are very, very tense. My brother is known to fly off the handle and I’m afraid that if I tried to take a side, he’d never forgive me and I’d be burned out too. I genuinely believe I’m too close to the situation. I have a lot of feelings about both of them and my opinion changes a lot depending on what happens and how people act. I feel like I’m too close to it all to decide and like I don’t want to sway people to do “the right thing” when I’m not even sure what the right thing is.

On the one hand, my brother is selfish, angry and aggressive. On the other, I know he harbours a lot of abandonment issues and that he’s still very hurt and emotional about my stepdad. My stepdad is angry, mean and cold. He definitely said things he shouldn’t have said to us (with us as children at the time). On the other hand, he’s been married to my mum almost 20 years and I know she loves him. My mum is overemotional, but she’s also one of my best friends in the word. She desperately wants me to side with her, but I’m afraid by siding with her, I’ll make everything ten times worse.

I hope this doesn’t come across as a shit post or something, because being so close to it and with everyone around me being so emotional with the issue, I’m genuinely unsure if what I’m doing is right. My mum has been loyal to me and I don’t want to be disloyal to her, but I don’t want to force something and make everything worse and potentially lose my brother entirely. 

TL;DR: my brother and my stepdad hate each other and my mum wants me to force them to make peace. I don’t feel like I can be a part of it, but that’s making her think I’m disloyal to her. AITA? 

Also, sorry for the formatting, I’m sitting in a hotel on my mobile. 

SOLUTION:
RIGHT

