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In this task, you are given a Reddit post as a text. Your task is to generate a short summary for this text. The summary must include a situation which caused humor. The summary should be one or two sentences long.

Text: well, this actually happened last night. sue me.

some back story, i've been travelling for a few weeks with some friends and finally had some extended alone time since they went to see some relatives. thought i would make the most of it and chat with some randoms as i've done at any opportunity during the trip. 

in the bar there's some backpackers and we get to trading stories over drinks. interesting bunch of people and i really hit it off with one of the ladies. we're talking about random stuff and end up talking about scars we have and she said she has one on her butt from an accident as a kid. i'm having a fair few drinks to give me some liquid courage. seems to be working. 

while having a smoke outside i ask one of her travel buddies what's her story and they tell me she's recently had a tough break up and she wants to let loose a little. i start having some doubts. i don't want to make things worse or just be a rebound or whatever. but my nether-lord tells me to pursue anyway, so i do because it's been a while and i'm starting to question my existence. 

eventually they have to leave, they're staying with some people nearby for the night and she tells me i should tag along and we can compare scars. i usually miss blatantly obvious hints but this one i picked up on. i say give me 5 minutes to run up to my room and down the rest of my drink.

i really, really needed to piss at this point. i'd been holding it in so i didn't miss my chance with her. get into the elevator and i'm hopping from side to side so i don't let loose, jumped a little too hard due to drunk energy and then the lift stops. i'm stuck between floors. start to panic a bit, start to panic more thinking i'll need to piss in the lift. message my new lady friend and tell her what's happened and that i can just meet her at her place so she can go with her friends. she's a little weird about it but gives me the address and then i call the emergency number in the lift. 20 minutes until rescue. it could be worse. i could be in a full lift with unreasonably pungent hambeasts and it could take hours but i was alone. i sat down and tried to meditate, paced back and forth, banged my head on the wall. i get a message from her saying she's getting the stuff ready. i assume she means protection and lube or something to that effect. 

finally, i get rescued. run to my room, open the door. stumble, trip, smack the top of my head on the door frame and then have to grab my dick before it unleashes all my liquefied impatience everywhere. i crawl to the bathroom and have the best urination of my life.

anyway, i catch an uber with one of her friends still at the bar to their place and once there immediately get hot and heavy with the chick who tries to surprise fuck me with a strap on and then cries after she climaxes.

i now have very blue balls and bought a burger for a late dinner once i got back to the hotel. the burger was average and i regret not getting mcdonald's instead. 

 

edit: alright, since you want the specifics about the girl. i really feel that i made a poor choice with that burger, though.

we're already pretty into it, everything going as hoped. she's feisty and it's working for me. she slows down and tells me she has a surprise, to lie on my front and close my eyes. sure, why the fuck not? i hear some jingling, thinking of all the dirty possibilities. then i feel a pain on my ass. did she fucking brand me like a cow?! i turn around to see her with a whip in her hand and preparing to thrust the biggest blackest strapon imaginable into my poor vortex of doom. now i'm not one to shy away from some adventure but having satan's ramrod desecrate my fudge factory is what i'm sure meatloaf won't do for love, as won't i.

i'm half tempted to nope out but i'm still hard as a rock so i convince her that i'd gladly try her in the same manner but it's a deal breaker for me. she keeps the whip and loses the strap on. tells me to whip her while we go at it. i do it. she says harder. i do. harder. i do. harder.. i can't keep doing this. i'm all for beating her with my dick but not a whip. i don't want to go to jail and experience what i narrowly escaped.

i make it like a show of sexual intensity and throw it behind me, flip her over and go double time. long story short  (or longer, whatever) once she's finished for the last time, she breaks down in tears. i don't know what to do. i wanted to keep going but i just couldn't. plus it was killing the vibe. she starts crying and wailing about her ex. i comfort her, tell her she's better off without him. he apparently cheated on her when they were going to get married next year. fucker. 

we get partially dressed and talk a bit more before one of her friends come in to see if she was alright since they could hear the sobbing outside. probably thought *i* was the one with the whip and strapon. fuckers. after she's calmed down i say my goodbyes, make sure she isn't going to kill herself or anything and then try to find my way home. still drunk, very blue-balled and just angry about everything in the world. give me a god damn break.
Output:
celibacy i tried to escape, my head i did scrape, my butt she tried to rape, my dinner wasn't great.