Now wait a second Jill, I thought you were
gonna take that job in Indiana. Tim told me it was all set.

Jill:

Yeah, well, y'know, that's what we decided.
But I haven't been able to make the phone call. It's a great opportunity, the
whole family's being real supportive, I, y'know, I just don't know what's holding me
back.

Wilson:

Well Jill, this has been your home for
twenty years. You'd have to leave your whole life behind, you'd have to say
goodbye to all your old friends, we'd have to say goodbye to you.

Jill:

So you're telling me to stay.

Wilson:

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Jill:

You're telling me to go.

Wilson:

No, no, no, no, no.

Jill:

Hello! Not helping.

Wilson:

Jill, this move is a very difficult
decision. I can't be the one to make it.

Jill:

When I was a little girl, we moved all the
time. My mom never questioned it; she'd just say "Whatever's good for your
father's good for all of us" and we'd pack our bags and follow him.

Wilson:

So basically for twenty years you've been
following Tim.

Jill:

Yeah, right to the emergency room. [Wilson
laughs] You see, that was the beauty of it. I married Tim, we moved into this
wonderful house, and I got to put down roots for the first time in my life and
I, I've, I've really cherished that.

Wilson:

Yes, but on the other hand, Tim is making a
huge change, he's willing to base his life around you. I really think that's
worth considering.

Jill:

What if we go to Indiana and it all falls
apart?

Wilson:

And what if it doesn't and you're a huge
success? You know, in the words of my older golfing partner, Lee Trevino,
"Never up, never in."

Jill:

So, I should go, shouldn't I?

Wilson:

Jill, there is no limit to what you can
accomplish but if you want me to stand here and sell my best friends on
leaving, I really cannot do that.

Jill:

Wilson, [Jill & Wilson hug] I'm really gonna
miss you.

Wilson:

So I take it you are going.

Jill:

Unless you think I should stay?

Wilson:

Jill!

Jill:

I'll make the call.

Cut to the "Tool Time" studio.

[Heidi introduces the show]

Heidi:

Does everybody know what time it
is?

Audience:

"Tool Time!"

Heidi:

That's right. [Heidi runs out into the
audience, where Jill, Brad & Mark are sitting] Binford Tools is proud to
present Tim "The Toolman" Taylor! [Heidi swings out her arms to introduce Tim,
slapping Brad across the forehead as she does. Tim & Al enter the set. Heidi
leaves]

Tim:

Yeah. Thank you, Heidi. Thank you everybody.
[There are some fire marshals sat at the back of the audience] Welcome to "Tool
Time." I am, and for the last time, Tim "The Toolman" Taylor, and of course you
all know my assistant Al "Be Doing Infomercials For A Living" Borland. [Al
salutes] This should be a nice show, er, it's our last show, and of course, we
all hope to be on to bigger and better things, er. As a matter of fact, Al
here's getting married this weekend. [The audience applauds]

Al:

We have a great last show for you today. [Tim &
Al go over to the bench, which is covered with various household
utensils]

Tim:

[Tim picks up an overloaded socket] Binford,
Binford wants us to intentionally overload a household outlet like
this.

Al:

Thereby starting a fire and burning the entire
set down.

Tim:

Instead, I'm gonna show you the right way to
do this. [Al starts taking the plugs out of the socket] Folks, just get a surge
protector. [Tim produces one from under the bench] Duh.

Al:

End of segment.

Tim & Al:

Goodnight everybody! [Tim & Al
salute]

Tim:

Oh, I know what you're thinking: c'mon, last "Tool
Time," just plugging in a toaster? C'mon, aren't you gonna light anything on
fire? Course we're gonna light something on fire, we're gonna burn this place
down, baby! [Mark is videoing the show. Jill has a camera]

Al:

With everybody that helped us build
it.

Tim:

These die-hard fans dropped whatever they
were doing to be on this last "Tool Time" with us.

Al:

Let's have a warm "Tool Time" welcome for
American's favorite all-tool band, the K&B boys, Rock, Dwayne, Pete and Juke!
[Heidi leads Rock, Dwayne, Pete & Juke onto the set with their tool instruments]
And on hand saw, the lovely Janeen! [Al rotates one of the tool racks to reveal
Janeen Rae Heller. Al kisses Janeen on the cheek]

Tim:

Oh boy, I'm really glad you guys can be here
on the last show.

Rock:

Great to be here, Timmy. [Rock shakes Tim's
hand] Y'know, it's hard to imagine a world without "Tool Time."

That would be me. One, two, one, two, three!
[The guys start playing music, with Pete on the container-drums, Rock on the
angle grinder and steel drum, Juke on the harmonica, Dwayne on the hammers and
anvil, Janeen on her saw, Tim on metal pipes, Al tapping on the blender, and
Heidi banging two wrenches together. They sing along]

Everybody:

Huh! Watch out, you might get what you're after,
Cool baby, strange but not a stranger,
I'm an ordinary guy,
Burnin' down the house!

And he's not alone. [Benny shows Tim all the
money he's taken in bets. Marty sits down next to Jeff]

Tim:

You guys are betting on a wedding? That's
sick! Put me down for a hundred. [Tim hands Benny the money] I say he gets
married, and I've got forty bucks [Tim hands Benny some more money] says
he's wearing a flannel thong.

Jeff:

Hey, I want some of that action. [Benny looks
at Jeff] I mean, you know, I-I-I want, I want to bet on it. [Jeff hands Benny
some money]

Cut to the kitchen.

[Jill is at the counter. The caterers arrive with the cake.
Morgan enters carrying a basket]

Morgan:

Hi.

Jill:

Hello. Oh, is this, er, a delivery for Al and
Trudy? [Jill takes the basket from him]

Morgan:

No. Delivery for Tim and Jill.

Jill:

What?

Morgan:

Morgan Wandell. [Morgan produces his card]
Binford V.P. and media production. And you are even prettier than the way Tim
described you.

Jill:

Really. How did he describe me?

Morgan:

O.K., he didn't. Look, I need to see Tim.
I've been trying to convince him to stay with "Tool Time." He keeps turning me
down.

Jill:

He hated what you did to his show.

Morgan:

No, no, no. That's all changed. That's the
last episode. We offered to make him the executive producer and we offered to
give him a big raise. But he won't budge; something about Indiana.

Jill:

He turned you down because of my job
offer?

Morgan:

I guess so. Must be hard for you to live
with that one on your shoulders.

Jill:

Look, I resent you trying to make me feel
guilty. Now if you don't mind, we're in the middle of a wedding. [Jill pushes
Morgan towards the door]

Morgan:

I-I--

Jill:

To which you are not invited.

Morgan:

Alright, but I'm gonna lose my
job.

Jill:

I'm terribly sorry. Would you please
go.

Morgan:

I'm Morgan Wandell.

Jill:

Yeah.

Morgan:

I'm Morgan Wandell. [Jill shuts the door in
Morgan's face]

Cut to the backyard.

[Brad goes over to Heidi]

Brad:

So how come your husband's not here? Problems
at home?

Heidi:

No. He's away on an assignment.

Brad:

Well, if you were my wife, I wouldn't leave
you alone.

Heidi:

Well, I'm not your wife and you still won't
leave me alone. [Brad walks away. Jill comes over and sits next to
Tim]

Jill:

[Jill kisses Tim] You are the most amazing
and wonderful man.

Tim:

Well, hold that thought. The wedding's
starting, and I've got a lot of money riding on it. [Brad & Mark sit down next
to Tim. Al & Cal walk over to the arch]

Brad:

[To Tim] They make a lovely couple.

Tim:

Well, they say when you live together for a
long time, you start looking like each other. [Trudy walks down the aisle]

Jill:

Oh, Trudy looks so beautiful.

Benny:

The minister's starting. All bets are
down.

Wilson:

[Wilson is the minister. The Bible obscurs
his face] Dearly beloved, we are gathered here for this joyous and deeply
moving occasion.

Tim:

[Tim hands Jill his handkerchief] Are you gonna
cry through this wedding just like you did through ours?

Jill:

[Crying] Yes, but this time I'm
happy.

Cut to the backyard, later in the
ceremony.

Trudy:

And I look forward to spending the rest of
my life with you, and to some day hear the pitter-patter of little Borland
feet.

Tim:

[To Jill] Do they make a steel-toed work
booty?

Wilson:

And now Al would like to recite the vows
that he wrote for Trudy.

Al:

My darling Trudy, what more could a man ask for
than to be with a magnificent woman like you. You are my rock, my soul mate and
my partner through this journey I like to call... [Al takes his notes out of
his pocket] life. Come my sweet princess and we shall walk hand in
hand.

Tim:

[To Jill] Directly into the Twilight
Zone.

Jill:

[To Tim. Laughing] Stop.

Wilson:

Cal, the rings please. [Cal gives Al the
rings] Trudy, do you take Al to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or
for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?

Trudy:

I do. [Al puts the ring on Trudy's
finger]

Wilson:

Al, do you take Trudy to be your lawfully
wedded wife, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do
you part?

Now, by power vested in me by the state
of Michigan, and the Church of the Celestial Moon, [Wilson points towards the
moon. Everybody turns to look] I now pronounce you husband and wife. Al you may
kiss the bride. [Al & Trudy kiss. Everybody applauds. Al & Trudy walk down the
aisle, shaking people's hands. Benny hands out the winnings]

Cut to the garage.

[Jill opens the hot rod door. Tim enters]

Tim:

Jill, we're in the middle of a wedding. What
do you want to talk about?

Giving up that promotion was the sweetest,
most selfless thing you've ever done.

Tim:

It's the least I could do for you, honey,
after all you've done for me. And, and you really deserve this
opportunity.

Jill:

Yeah, I know I do, but I don't want it. I
don't want to go to Indiana.

Tim:

This is exactly why I didn't let you know
about this. I knew you'd change your mind because of me.

Jill:

I don't want to leave here. [Jill climbs into
the passenger seat] And this is an opportunity that you have always wanted; to
executive produce "Tool Time." Look, if I can find a job like that in Indiana,
I can find one like that here.

Tim:

But not with Dr. Lee. You said yourself this
is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Jill:

Well-- [Mark & Brad enter the
garage]

Mark:

Where are you guys going?

Tim:

Hop in, I'll tell you all about it. [Mark &
Brad climb into the backseat of the car]

Brad:

Wait, we're not going to Indiana now, are
we?

Jill:

We're not going to Indiana at all.

Mark:

Alright.

Brad:

Ah, shoot. [Brad hands Mark some
money]

Tim:

Yes we are.

Brad:

Alright! [Brad takes the money back from
Mark]

Jill:

O.K., we're gonna think about it.

Tim:

Alright. [Tim takes the money from
Brad]

Cut to the backyard.

[Tim taps his glass to make a toast]

Tim:

Er, everybody, um, for the last ten years Al,
you've been my right hand man, and you've not only been a big part of my life,
in many cases you've saved it. Trudy, you're getting a hell of a guy.

Trudy:

I know.

Tim:

To a very special day. And if you're wearing a
certain kind of underwear, a very lucrative one. To Al and Trudy.

Everybody:

To Al and Trudy.

Jill:

Health and happiness.

Everybody:

Health and happiness.

Al:

Alright, I just want to say I, I want to thank
Tim and Jill for opening up their house to us, and, and, er, well, it, it, Tim,
we've just, we've gone through so much and I, well, I, I, I want to thank you
for, for giving me my start on "Tool Time." This has been a difficult year,
and, and you guys have been there for me every step of the way. And, and no
matter where you go or what you do, I, I just want you to know that you'll,
you'll always be my best friends. [Al raises his glass]

Tim:

Al, Al. [Tim nods towards Trudy]

Al:

Oh, oh, and Trudy, er, thank you for marrying
me.

Trudy:

You're the best.

Tim:

Trudy and Al.

Everybody:

Trudy and Al. [Al kisses Trudy]

Cut to the backyard, after the wedding.

[Jill finds Al's notes on the ground]

Jill:

Oh look, Al must have dropped his wedding
vows. We should put them in a special place.

Tim:

O.K., toss them in here. [Tim holds out the
trash can. Jill laughs]

Jill:

Look, you're wedding arch didn't fall
down.

Tim:

Do you remember the last time we were under
one of those? We had no money, we had no kids.

Jill:

No idea how our lives would turn
out.

Tim:

I think so far they've turned out pretty well.
[Tim joins Jill under the arch] If you had to go back and do it all over again,
would you do it?

Jill:

Yeah. Yeah I would. I mean, there's been
bumps along the road, I haven't always known where we were headed, there's
always a possibilty of a crash, but I wouldn't want to travel with anybody else
but you. [Tim & Jill kiss]

Tim:

As a matter of fact, I would change
things.

Jill:

Yeah? What would you change?

Tim:

I don't think I'd propose to you in the back
of a '68 Dodge Dart, two-seventy-three.

Jill:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, O.K., what kind of car would
you choose?

Tim:

That's not what I mean. If I had to do it
again, I'd pick a more romantic spot. First time I looked at you I knew I
wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Now twenty years later, I have
the same feelings. Except this numbness in my thumb I can't explain. Jill
Patterson, would you marry me?

Jill:

No.

Tim:

No?

Jill:

I'm already married to the perfect guy. [Tim
& Jill kiss] I know you don't want to go to Indiana.

Tim:

It's not about me; it's about you. Are you
willing to give up this opportunity?

Jill:

Yeah I am. I don't want to leave my life
here. Now I, I just, I can't imagine leaving this house. [Tim turns to look at
the house. Tim sizes up the house]

Tim:

Well, if we ever decide to move, maybe we
wouldn't have to leave the house.

Jill:

What does that mean?

Tim imagines moving the house on the back of a
lorry. Tim & Jill are sat in the cab.

Jill:

Are we gonna drive this thing the whole
way?

Tim:

No, don't be ridiculous. There's faster ways
to get there than by land.

Jill:

Like what?

Cut to the house being carried on the back of a
barge, being pulled by a tug boat.

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