I Was Playing Minecraft

...the other day, and it's so much fun. You can build and create your own world. It made me think about creating my own mom if I could and how I'd make her.

My Mom left us about eight years ago now. I was young but old enough to remember her and be hurt. I never knew why she left, but would you want to deal with a kid who has CF? Sometimes even I want to leave myself.

There's no sense wallowing in what could've been. Nostalgia is... suspicious to me. Whatever happened, happened. I need to deal with the here and now, not stuff that happened in the past.

But if my Mom came back today, like knocked on my door and was standing there, flesh and blood, when I opened it, who would I want her to be?

First I'd hope she is nice. And a decent person. Someone who'd simply accept me for who I am, oxygen tank, tubes and all. She'd be easy-going. Not stressed about things. Able to handle everything life throws her without losing it. An inner strength yet flexible. With no hidden agenda. Just straight-forward and clear about what she wants.

And smart. Clever. She doesn't have to an astrophysicist but someone with above average intelligence. Someone I want to come home to talk to.

Is it silly to ask that's she's pretty? Looks shouldn't be everything, but if I'm making her, she's going to be pretty with nice hair.

Oh my God. I think I just described a female version of my Dad! Um, this is so weird. How many years of therapy will I need just for this...?

Hi. I'm Emma. I'm from Manchester, I have Cystic Fibrosis, I live above an antique shop, and I'm pretty sure that no one is ever going to read this. If you have somehow managed to stumble across my ramblings, welcome to my blog, I guess.