Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Day 2- I’ll never get it all done!

Today the pattern that I found most noticeable
was the feeling that I needed to get everything done all at once, and I went
into an energetic possession when I realized I wasn’t going to have time to do
it all. I have been doing end-of-term papers for the past two weeks and have
put other stuff off, telling myself I’d get it all done when I’m finished with
school. School took longer than I expected and now I don’t have as much time as
I would have liked. However, now that I look back on it all, I see that if I
had done a little bit each day, I could have done more than I believed, which
relates to yesterday’s pattern.

So, I woke up this morning and I did
a lot, and I didn’t realize that I was working myself up in to a bit of a crazy
woman. Actually, I was pleased that I was getting so much done, but within this
pattern I tend to do too much and then burn out instead of realizing that I
need to just be consistent and do a little bit every day. By the time I left
the house I knew I was in an energetic possession, because my mind was all over
the place and I forgot a bunch of stuff so I had to go back home, then I was
unclear as to where I should go first. It took me the whole bus ride downtown,
plus some more time before I was able to get myself together again.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
participate within and as the energetic experience of ‘getting it done’ and ‘doing
it all’, instead of realizing that I can only do so much in one day, and that I
can only move one breath at a time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think,
believe or perceive that if I rush rush rush and do it all right now, then it
will make up for lost time and I will ‘catch up’ to myself (my mind) and
experience a feeling of ‘being done,’ when in fact, there is always more to do and
more that can and should be done. So within this I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to chase the mind-created idea of the experience of ‘finally
being all done’ as if it is a point ‘out there’ somewhere instead of realizing
that I can accomplish much while remaining Here, in the present moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
procrastinate while I was busy with school, because I accepted and allowed the
belief that I could ‘only handle school’ and only do one thing at a time,
instead of pushing myself to be and become more disciplined, precise and
effective within my daily application of myself in my life and my world within
the context of all the things I have to do from day to day. Within this, I
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the polarity
opposite of trying to do too much, because I knew that I had been
procrastinating and so I created a situation in which I sabotaged myself by
allowing things to pile up.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe
I can ‘only handle school’ and ‘only handle one thing at a time’ and I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within how effective I
allow myself to be by existing within and as this belief. This beLIEf be a LIE I tell myself in order for me to not have to push myelf through resisting doing more that I believe I am capable of.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to gently
push me and test my limits in order that I may expand those limits.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify
laziness with the excuse that I work really hard at school, instead of pushing
through my resistances to keep up on my daily tasks when I am also doing
schoolwork.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to draw
out my school work when I have extra time because I don’t have a deadline to
motivate me to push through my resistances towards learning the coursework. In
this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to indulge in the mind
of idleness instead of facing reality and the fact that I can move me instead
of depending on the energetic ‘push’ of stress that I call motivation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deny
the fact that I know all too well that I am able to push me and move me, and
that it is a choice when I do not do so. When I make the choice to not push me
or move me I am choosing the limitations of the mind over realizing myself as
life- doing nothing instead of doing everything, -wasting time instead of
living (wasting life instead of living life).

I accept and allow and commit myself to, in moments of
resistance when I see I have the choice, to choose life each and every single time
until it is who I am.

I allow and accept myself to fearlessly face the fact that I am
capable of self-movement and self-change, and that I will chose Life.

I commit to proving to myself that I am more than what I
believe myself to be by walking through resistances in breathe as Life here, an
when I see that I am holding a self-limiting belief I remind myself that it is
not real, but only based on past experiences which are past. Who I am is Here,
in the present moment where I have the power to choose Life in each breath.

I commit myself to directing myself through my entire day,
and to do work consistently each day, without forgetting to also enjoy moments
in my Lifewithin a gratefulness that I
am able to do so.

2 comments:

Very well written. I empathize. Thank you for your inspiration -- and by needing to reading this blog itself to derive this feeling, "I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to indulge in the mind of idleness instead of facing reality and the fact that I can move me instead of depending on the energetic ‘push’ of stress that I call motivation".

About Me

Hi, my name is Kimberly Kline (nee Doubt). I stand for an Equal Money System- I stand for a dignified life for all beings and I will no longer accept or allow this system of human greed and self-interest that is causing suffering, starvation and abuse for the masses. Every 'solution' we have tried so far has failed- from the United Nations to the United Church. Individual self-change and leadership by example is where it's at. I humbly commit myself to this process and invite anyone who has respect for Life to join me and walk with me, beside me, as self-willed equals, until all are free from the global compromise humanity has created for itself.
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