When you try to please everyone you’re actually making a big mistake because that is imposible. So you need to learn the power of NO.
Imagine a single mother who works a full-time job at a factory. One day, when she wakes her son up for school, he says he doesn’t feel well. She checks his temperature and he has a slight fever. Clearly, he can’t go to school.
She has to decide what to do with him for the day. She doesn’t have any friends or family members who can stay with him. She could call in sick to her job, but she won’t get paid for the day, she’ll struggle to afford groceries for the week. She also worries that missing another day of work could put her job at risk. She’s already missed a lot of days due to the children being sick.
She decides to leave her son home alone for the day. She knows other people will likely have a negative opinion about her choice to leave a sick child home alone when he’s only ten years old. However, her values tell her it’s the right choice given her circumstances, regardless of how others may judge her. It’s not that she values her job more than her son. In fact, she values her family more than anything. But she knows that going to work will be the best decision for her family.[I recommend you to read 13 things mentally strong people don’t do]
This single mother have to face the fact that she will not be able to please everybody’s critics. So she have to remain strong with her decision.
But what if everyone’s voices and critics affects you so much?
The desire of pleasing others is too common even if we don’t realise about it. And is really important to identify that problem within ourselves, so here are some examples:
- You feel responsible for how other people feel.
- The thought of anyone being mad at you causes you to feel uncomfortable.
- You tend to be a “pushover.”
- You find it easier to agree with people rather than express a contrary opinion.
- You often apologise even when you don’t think you did anything wrong.
- You go to great lengths to avoid conflict.
- You don’t usually tell people when you’re feeling offended or your feelings are hurt.
- You tend to say yes when people ask you for favours, even if you really don’t want to do something.
- You change your behaviour based on what you think other people want.
- You put a lot of energy into trying to impress people.
- If you hosted a party and people didn’t seem to be enjoying themselves, you’d feel responsible.
- You often seek praise and approval from people in your life.
- When someone around you is upset, you take responsibility for trying to make him or her feel better.
- You would never want anyone to think you are selfish.
- You often feel over scheduled and overburdened by all the things you have to do.
Does any of those examples sound familiar to you?
One of the things that will help you with that is the power of no, where you can strongly stay within your principles and not to other people’s voices.
Power of No
When you are a person that likes to please everybody, you will do things automatically. And because of that in many occasions you won’t even know what you want. So it’s really important for you to take a moment and evaluate your opinion so you can be able to make a better decision.
When you do something for somebody else, you’ll have to give something up. The most basic thing will be your time. You have to know this otherwise you would everything in a bad mood. Also there are boundaries because most people will constantly ask you for favours.
Wait this isn’t just about favours. Some sons and daughters try to please there parents studying and working on things that weren’t meant for them. And so the price they pay to please their parents are their own dreams and ambitions.
I don’t usually make favours unless there are really important pros like to improve family relationships, maybe it’s really important, and more. But beside that I actually get asked for really stupid things and so I prefer to don’t do it even if that makes other people mad.
I used to make some favours for some people but those always ended in fights because of several problems like communication. So because of that I learned that in some situations is better to don’t get involved. The other person might get mad but it won’t last. So learn from your mistakes.
Think how would you feel by doing those things. Would you feel angry and resentful? Or will you feel happy and proud? This is also related to your principles. I mean, you shouldn’t lie because a friend ask you to. Or you shouldn’t fake papers or notes because your father asked you to.
There are things that can go against your principles. And so if you do it, then you will feel resentful.
When you see people in their eyes you might get convinced through your emotions.
To say no is a really hard thing to do for people with a good heart. But it’s not about emotions, is about convictions. This means that you might have to do what is right instead of what might feel right.
So you have to practice the power of no. Sometimes saying “I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to do that” will be enough, and you don’t even have to explain yourself. That’s your right.
Sure, the bible says “You shall love your neighbour as yourself.” – Mark XII.XXXI
But it means to treat your neighbour as equal, but when you are trying to please them in everything you’re actually making a god out of him.
This applies for those child and parent relationships where the parents try to give their child everything they want. This is known as a toxic relationship.
It is impossible to please everyone and in everything. There will always be people that hate you and people that love you.
To end I have to make clear that I’m not saying that is bad to give. But to be wise with what you give and when you give.
Stay Mentally Strong & Stay healthy!
- I used the recommendations from the book “13 Things that mentally strong people don’t do.”