Analyzing how parents can break the bullying cycle, we find that bullies and targets often grow up in the same sorts of households.
If you ask a room full of parents, probably not one of them will say, “Yes, we exhibit
Analyzing how parents can break the bullying cycle, we find that bullies and targets often grow up in the same sorts of households.
If you ask a room full of parents, probably not one of them will say, “Yes, we exhibit bullying behavior at home,” or “We encourage our children to be victims.” But we’re all pretty sure that other parents do that.
A Typical Bully-Target Household
Bullies and targets often grow up in families where one parent is an authoritarian, and the other is the permissive one. See if this fits your family:
- One parent almost always gets his or her way.
- One parent yeses the other to death because it’s easier than arguing.
- One parent sets the rules and is rigid about them.
- One parent apologizes to others for the other one’s behavior.
- One parent uses ultimatums or threats to get his or her way.
- One parent is prone to yelling at/insulting/complaining to cashiers, waiters and waitresses, and customer service people.
Even if not all of it fits, but some of it does, you may be demonstrating (without meaning to) the bullying dynamic to your children.
Four Styles of Parenting That May Cause Bullying
Psychologist Diane Baumrind’s research on parenting styles is well respected in the mental health field. She defines four types of parenting styles:
An authoritarian is someone who is not very big on showing feelings, rigid about rules, and wants to remain firmly in control of the kids’ lives. Obedience is highly valued, and kids are not encouraged to participate in decision making.
Authoritative parenting, on the other hand, is still structured but allows children to be more assertive and express their individuality. Authoritative parents set clear rules, but encourage kids to be part of decision making, and they listen to children’s feelings with the aim of encouraging and supporting the kids’ needs. Authoritative parenting has been positively associated with a reduced likelihood of adolescent smoking, reduced risk of risky sexual behavior, and other high-risk activities. It’s also been documented as the most effective parenting style in numerous measures of children’s social competence.
Indulgent parenting is characterized by a lack of rules, a high level of independence for the children, and acceptance of nearly all behaviors. This is not due to a lack of attention, however—indulgent parents care about their kids, but they don’t discipline them or want to “stifle” them.
Uninvolved parents neither expect much fro