Feel free to download and print the Parashat Chaye Sarah sheet and share it with your friends and family.
This column, originally published in 2014, speaks directly to issues that have arisen this week regarding the right of women to serve
Feel free to download and print the Parashat Chaye Sarah sheet and share it with your friends and family.
This column, originally published in 2014, speaks directly to issues that have arisen this week regarding the right of women to serve in positions of religious leadership. As such, we feel it appropriate to rerun it now as part of the ongoing dialogue on this critical subject.
Was Rivka a (Gasp!) Feminist?
When Avraham charges his servant to find a wife for Yitzchak, the servant asks a strange question: "Perhaps the woman will not desire to follow me to this land. Should I return your son to the land which you came from?" (Breishit, 24:5). The servant's concern that the woman might resist is unexpected. Laws appearing later in the Torah make it clear that a father controls and speaks for his daughter, but here, the father and his possible refusal to give his daughter is not an issue. The possibility that Yitzchak will be asked to go live with his wife is also considered. This is quite strange, as normally the woman would have been taken into the husband's home. Certainly there must have been exceptions, but the more natural question would have been: "If she refuses, can I then find a wife from somewhere else?" It seems that Avraham's servant knew something about this particular society that shaped his concerns, focused as they were on how the woman would act and what she would demand.
Questions of the place of women in Aram society come up again when the servant arrives there and interacts with Rivka and her family. After Rivka passes his test by offering water for him and his camels, the servant asks her, "Whose daughter are you?" She responds, "I am the daughter of Betuel, who is the son of Milkah, whom she bore to Nachor." This manner of familial identification is a departure from the norm. A classic example of identification by father can be found at the beginning of next week's parasha: "These are the generations of Yitzchak the son of Avraham, Avraham begat Yitzchak" (25:19). Following this, Rivka's answer would have been, "I am the daughter of Betuel, the son of Nachor." What is Milkah's name doing here?
Milkah actually showed up at the end of last week's parasha as well. "After these things it was told to Avraham saying, behold Milkah has given birth to Nachor your brother" (22:20). Notice again the unusual focus on the mother. It seems that the family structure is different in Aram Naharaim. This society is not a patriarchy, where a child is identified through his or her father and genealogies come in the form of father-son, father-son. Aram Naharaim seems to be a matriarchy, a society in which the family structure is defined by the mother. (I owe this insight to Nancy Jay's book, Throughout Your Generations Forever: Sacrifice, Religion, and Paternity.)
A matriarchal society is not necessarily one in which mothers hold political power. In fact, there is doubt as to whether a society has ever existed in which women are the holders of political power. Rather, a matriarchal society is one in which family lines are defined by matrilineal descent, one in which women do, as a result, have more rights and a greater voice. The benefit of this structure is obvious: In such societies, the question of the identity of a person's father - which can always be in doubt - was nullified. It was the identity of the mother that mattered, and this was always known. The head of the household would not be the (presumed) father but the mother's brother or her oldest son. Thus, while a man was at the head, the matriarchal structure removed the anxiety around paternity that existed in patriarchal societies. Consider Rashi's comment on the verse, "Avraham begat Yitzchak": "Since the mockers of the generation were saying that Sarah had been impregnated by Avimelekh....God formed Yitzchak's facial appearance to be similar to Avraham's, so that all could testify that Avraham had sired Yitzchak" (25:19).
We can now understand why Rivka identifies herself as the granddaughter of Milkah. However, when the servant repeats the story, he reframes Rivka's answer in his own cultural norms: "And she said, 'I am the daughter of Betuel the son of Nachor, whom Milkah bore to him'" (24:47). While Rivka said that Betuel was the "son of Milkah," in the servant's version he is the "son of Nachor," just as he would be described in a patriarchal society.
Similarly, the servant asks Rivka, "Does your father's house have a place for us to stay?" (24:24). What is Rivka's response? "And she said to him, 'We have much straw and fodder, and also a place to sleep'" (24:25). For Rivka, there was no "father's house"; in her society the father was simply not in the picture. Thus, when Rivka leaves the servant we read, "And the young woman ran and she told her mother's household according to these events" (24:28). This is perhaps the most revealing verse of all. Rashi notes how unusual it is to refer to a "mother's household" and resolves this problem by interpreting the phrase to mean a physical house or room that a mother had to herself, saying that Rivka ran to such a place to confide these events to her mother. There is no question, however, that the simple sense of the verse is that it was her mother's household; the mother, not the father, was at the head of,