One aspect of Tonga that causes us to be a little different from our neighboring islands are core values that are the pillars of Tongan society – Love (‘Ofa), Respect (Faka’apa’apa), Humility (Anga
One aspect of Tonga that causes us to be a little different from our neighboring islands are core values that are the pillars of Tongan society – Love (‘Ofa), Respect (Faka’apa’apa), Humility (Anga fakato ki lalo) and Tauhi Va. Tauhi Va doesn’t have an immediate translation but can be summed up as Gratitude. All core values are the Kavei Koula ‘e Fa or the Four Golden Themes, which are expected to be upheld in everyday activities in Tongan society and performed in their element during traditional ceremonies.
Faka’apa’apa is one core value I find to be most complicated to today’s Tongan way of life. I prefer to use the term faka’apa’apa and not the english word respect because of the weight and ideals behind what defines faka’apa’apa for Tongans. There are numerous types: faka’apa’apa the general public give their sovereign, the respect the King and/or Queen gives the people, the faka’apa’apa between an individual and his or her in-laws, the faka’apa’apa children give their elders, and most importantly, the faka’apa’apa between a brother and his sister.
Quite a few of our traditions and beliefs are complicated but have the most basic reasoning behind it.
One could say the faka’apa’apa between brothers and sisters is the motive behind certain Tongan traditions and systems of hierarchy, such as, our fahu system. The Fahu is most superior, the highest ranking person in a family, and is usually the mehekitanga. To instill and prevent unwanted relations between a brother and sister, a creation of a tapu or sacredness around a sister through traditions and rituals is practiced, thus the ideal of faka’apa’apa would not be lost. The faka’apa’apa relationship children would have with their mehekitanga, the father’s older sister(s), preserves the distance between a brother and sister.
The focus on faka’apa’apa intensifies over the years because of the way it branches out to different Tongan traditions that are in practice by Tongan families. In many aspects, faka’apa’apa is for some more of a reason of entitlement rather than what the whole Tongan culture is based on – exchange.
Faka’apa’apa is given as well as it is received. It applies to all Tongans regardless of a person’s rank, status, nationally or within the family. The Fahu at any traditional event must give those she is superior to cultural goods, just as those she is fahu over must present her with goods at events. One of the most ideal people in my life who have taught us this side of faka’apa’apa is our grandmother, the Queen Mother. There hasn’t been an event, both for the family or the Kingdom, where she hasn’t contributed something. Our mother Princess Pilolevu is also the same. Their actions have taught my sisters, cousins, and me the greater one’s rank is, the greater is one’s duty to the people. Their capacity to give is endless. Also, this teaches me our role is to give and not expect much in return. And above all things, not to be a burden to the people.
“‘Oua te mou fakakavenga’i pe fakahela’i e kakai”
These teachings are only to u