“When will you learn, that your actions have consequences?!”
Sometimes, anger can get the best of us — it happens to everyone. Correcting negative behavior by providing consequences can be hard and it has the opportunity to take a toll on us
“When will you learn, that your actions have consequences?!”
Sometimes, anger can get the best of us — it happens to everyone. Correcting negative behavior by providing consequences can be hard and it has the opportunity to take a toll on us emotionally, physically, and mentally.
Learning how to effectively change the bad behavior is crucial, and it takes time to learn what consequences work best for your family. Whether your kid is lying, hitting, throwing temper tantrums, using manipulation, gossiping, not listening, being disrespectful, being out of control, or any other behavior that is not acceptable, you will find solutions here.
Here is a list of 27 examples of fail-proof consequences to use:
1. Positive Affirmations
“You did a really good job cleaning up your toys” or, “You were so good when we went out today.” This helps the child to learn what was right about what they did, hopefully reinforcing the positive behavior.
In young children, a lot of misguided behavior is due to lack of attention. Spending time with your child in a positive environment (the park, coloring together) can help to solidify your child’s belief that you are available, leading to less deviant behavior later on.
If your child is crying in order to get his or her way, simply ignore the child while the tantrum persists in order to show that crying will not work to achieve a goal.
4. Reward System
If a certain number of golden stars (or any reward system) are obtained (can be attained through chores or completion of homework), take your child out to ice cream or out to lunch, rewarding them for their hard work.
Instead of time-outs where the child is neglected and sent to a corner, time-ins suggest that the parent is willing to talk through what just happened, offering emotional support. This helps build a stronger connection between parent and child later on.
A simple, yet overlooked, consequence for younger children is changing the tone of voice. Children are sensitive to tone, so changing up the tone can help to get the point across without mixing up the message.
If your child continues to steal other children’s toys or continues to be mean to other children, redirect your child to a different area with different toys. A fresh situation and environment can help to calm the child and will no longer be disruptive to the other children playing.
While you may not be directly punishing your child, letting him or her experience the consequence of their actions fully is important. If your child forgets a piece of homework at school, let your child receive a zero. If this is avoided and you run to their aid, the child will believe help is readily available at the slightest inconvenience.
If a child refuses to behave, remove something they enjoy. For instance, if your child does not do his or her chores, take away their electronic devices. Taking away something they find enjoyable will eventually lead to first-time obedience.
Using if-then statements and consequences will teach the child that there are consequences for disobedient behavior. An example is “If you do not put on pants, then we will not go to the park.”
11. Offer alternatives
While this is not a typical consequence, it is still effective. Offering alternatives puts a different idea in the child’s head, forcing them to forget (even slightly) about their original action. For instance, if a child tries to eat another ice cream sandwich, say “Hey you have had one already today. How about you eat one tomorrow and try a different snack instead?”
Instead of taking something away, offer it as a privilege. Instead of saying, “You cannot play at the playground because you did not finish your chores”, say “You can go to the playground as soon as you finish your chores.” The playground is no longer viewed as something the child can lose, but something it can gain.
13. Logical approach
If your child has an issue with devoting too much time towards electronics instead of homework or chores, take the computer privileges away for a certain period. In other words, take away the item that is taking up too much of their time.
When I was younger, my brother and I would fight constantly. In the process of fighting, we would often say really mean things. In order to resolve our issue and to focus on the positives, we would be required to say 10 things we liked about the other person. At times, this would be difficult trying to think of 10 things. Looking back, it made me appreciate my brother a lot more.
This is not as harsh as it seems. Paired with the last idea, my fa