It was initially believed that codependency was a result of living with an addicted person.The intensity of anger, fear, shame and pain in family members of addicts was viewed as reactions to a very sick man or woman. As addicts got clean and
It was initially believed that codependency was a result of living with an addicted person.The intensity of anger, fear, shame and pain in family members of addicts was viewed as reactions to a very sick man or woman. As addicts got clean and sober often times the codependent behaviors of the family members continued or even worsened. Mental health professionals began to realize that there very well may be a separate condition operating in the family members that pre-dated the relationship with the addict.
Further investigation revealed many spouses of addicts had one or two parents that were alcoholic/ addicts and that he/she was unconsciously re-creating their own childhood experience. Over the years, The mental health field has recognized that a person suffering from codependency does not have to have a chemically dependent person in their life at all, either as an adult or child. The common thread is having a dysfunctional or abusive caregiver as a child.
A dysfunctional family environment creates dysfunctional behaviors and impedes the healthy development of a child.These behaviors do not just go away as adults, they become the patterns of life and problem solving that cause distress in adult relationships.
Codependent behaviors are categorized in many ways but all relate to the following Core Symptoms.
Codependency : The 5 Core Symptoms
Difficulty experiencing appropriate levels of self-esteem (feeling of less than or feeling better than)
Difficulty setting functional boundaries (no protection or walls)
Difficulty owning one’s own reality (not knowing how one feels/thinks or operating under the illusion of perfectionism)
Difficulty acknowledging and meeting one’s own needs and wants (too dependent on others or needless/wantless/ anti-dependent)
Difficulty with moderation ( over controlling of self/others or out of control of self)
As you can see above, these core symptoms operate in the extreme and create problems with oneself and others, including intimate partners, children, friends and work relations.
Learning about the core issues and your own childhood – how your childhood environment impacted your development and how to change these patterns is the basis of codependency treatment and healing.
Helping with Codependency
Change is not easy. It takes time and involves the following four steps:
Abstinence or sobriety is necessary to recover from codependency. The goal is to bring your attention back to yourself, to have an internal, rather than external, “locus of control.” This means that your actions are primarily motivated by yourvalues, needs, and feelings, not someone else’s. You learn to meet those needs in healthy ways.Perfect abstinence or sobriety isn’t necessary for progress, and it’s impossible with respect to codependency with people. You need and depend upon others and therefore give and compromise in relationships. Instead of abstinence, you learn to detach and not control, people-please, or obsess about others. You become more self-directed and autonomous.
If you’re involved with an abuser or addict or grew up as the child of one, you may be afraid to displease your partner, and it can require great courage to break that pattern of conceding our powe