I didn't change my name when I married, because I do think it's outdated.  We have two children who have my husband's last name.  What I find offensive is when they try to give you the first name, too, as in "Mrs. John Smith." For heavens' sake.  \nI don't know why this tradition has continued, but it is difficult to find a solution that is concise and clear.  Either you have to explain and defend having a different name, or you have to adopt both, which gets pretty cumbersome.