This is a very emotional topic for me. I have read some of ur answers and questions and that is the reason why im responding to this. It may be a little long so please bare with me. I asked Jesus into my heart when I was 7 years old... I asked him into my heart cuz I was sick of watching my dad be mean to my mother... and my mother act as tho i was not supposed to be born. I was always told u will go to hell if u dont accept him. So that night I did.\nAs i was growing up I was raised in a home where my Father was a Christian (or claimed to be) and a Wiccan Mother. I was outcasted pretty much since the day I was born because I was not born a boy. Growing up I was beat, molested by my father and the pastor of my church then later in life after i had finished high school I was 14 years old and was gang raped and got pregnant. The guys that did it to me found out and beat me so bad that I was in a coma for 2 months and miscarried twins. I wanted so bad to have a child. I just wanted someone to love me without judging me. My whole life I saw my father drinking, doing drugs and cheating on my mother left n right. I always promised myself that I would be better then that. I pretty much raised myself since I was 10 years old cuz my family had no morals what so ever. I did the best that I could with very little to go on and NO adult role models to look at. When I was 15 years old I was told that I had Cancer. Now when I was born I was born with Tourettes syndrome and a hole in my heart and was not supposed to live past the age of 17 yrs old.    \nMy mother found out that I had cancer and with her being a doctor and having such great insurance she was told that I could have a surgery to have it removed so that it wouldnt become terminal but they would have to do it right away... My mother refused to do it. I have prayed to Jesus everyday since I was 12 years old that he take my life. Take me away from everything especially if no one loved me anyways and all i do is screw things up.I thought this was his way of finaly letting me have my wish.\nI continued to do as I was told. I worked 3 jobs, home schooled my brother, and volunteered at many places like the American Cancer foundation, AIDS Awareness, Retirement homes, Alzheimers Assoc. etc. just doing what i could to never be home and do what I could to help as many ppl as I could. I figured that the more ppl I helped and the happier I acted, the faster Jesus would let me die.\nI made it to the age of 17 when I met my husband. I had t6o get out of the house cuz i was being beat so bad and since i was done with High school I was working 3 jobs to support my fathers Drug/drinking habbit and home schooling my little brother as well.\nI had no choice. I married a man that I knew for 1 month. He was older, and my mother being a doctor and the kind of doctor that she is was treating me that if i didnt work and give them all the money and if i tried to ever go back to college (which I had done right after high school for a degree in Psychology till they made me stop to work) that she would have me thrown into a psych. unit and she would make it so that i could never get out and so i'd never see my little brother again. So anyways I married the first thing that came around. I was married to him for 6 years. He beat me and hurt me so bad. I never had sex with him cause of my past and he atleast respected me that much not to take it from me. I suffered depression by that time so bad that I had gained so much weight. It was so bad that I couldnt walk, i couldnt get up to go in the next room, i couldnt do anything.... except eat. I finaly told my husband that we were moving within 6 months. Either hes going with me or without me. I took those 6 months and I prayed so hard. "Jesus either help me to fight this crap or help me to die plz"! Jesus Helped me walk! I started studing Property Management. I finished with flying colors so that when we moved I could get a job being the property m