fei75766_ch11_345-376.indd 359  02/06/20 12:38 PM
Chapter 11    May: Existential Psychology359
Forms of Love
May(1969b) identified fourkinds ofloveinWestern tradition—sex, eros, philia, 
andagape.
Sex
Sexisabiological function thatcanbesatisfied through sexual intercourse orsome 
other release ofsexual tension. Although ithasbecome cheapened inmodern West -
ernsocieties, “itstillremains thepower ofprocreation, thedrive which perpetuates 
therace, thesource atonce ofthehuman being’s most intense pleasure andhis[or
her]most pervasive anxiety” (May, 1969b, p.38).
Maybelieved that,inancient times ,sexwastaken forgranted, justaseating 
andsleeping weretaken forgranted. Inmodern times, sexhasbecome aproblem. 
First, during theVictorian period, Western societies generally denied sexual feelings, 
andsexwasnotatopic ofconversation inpolite company. Then, during the1920s, 
people reacted against thissexual suppression; sexsuddenly came intotheopen and
much ofWestern society waspreoccupied withit.May(1969b) pointed outthatsoci-
etywent from aperiod when having sexwasfraught withguiltandanxiety toatime
when nothaving itbrought about guiltandanxiety. 
Eros
IntheUnited States, sexisfrequently confused witheros. Sexisaphysiological 
need thatseeks gratification through therelease oftension. Erosisapsychological 
desire thatseeks procreation orcreation through anenduring union withaloved 
one.Erosismaking love; sexismanipulating organs. Erosisthewishtoestablish 
alasting union; sexisthedesire toexperience pleasure. Eros“takes wings from 
human imagination andisforever transcending alltechniques, giving thelaugh toall
the‘how to’books bygailyswinging intoorbit above ourmechanical rules” (May, 
1969b, p.74).
Erosisbuiltoncareandtenderness. Itlongs toestablish anenduring union with
theother person, suchthatbothpartners experience delight andpassion andbothare
broadened anddeepened bytheexperience. Because thehuman species could not
survive without desire foralasting union, eroscanberegarded asthesalvation ofsex.
Philia
Eros, thesalvation ofsex,isbuiltonthefoundation ofphilia, thatis,anintimate non-
sexual friendship between twopeople. Philia cannot berushed; ittakes timetogrow, 
todevelop, andtosinkitsroots. Examples ofphilia would betheslowly evolving love
between siblings orbetween lifelong friends. “Philia doesnotrequire thatwedoany-
thing forthebeloved except accept him,bewithhim,andenjoy him.Itisfriendship 
inthesimplest, most direct terms” (May, 1969a, p.31).
Harry Stack Sullivan placed great importance onpreadolescence, thatdevel -
opmental epoch characterized bytheneed forachum, someone whoismore orless
likeoneself. According toSullivan, chumship orphilia isanecessary requisite for
healthy erotic relationships during early andlateadolescence. May, whowasinflu-
enced bySullivan attheWilliam Alanson White Institute, agreed thatphilia makes Final PDF to printer