LONELINESS
A few years ago a national survey asked Americans about the people with
whom they discuss “matters important to you ”(McPherson, Smith-Lovin, &
Brashears, 2006). The researchers were particularly interested in the number
of people who fell into this “confidant ”category. In 1985, when the survey
takers first asked the question, American adults reported an average of 2.94
friends and family members who they considered confidants. But by 2004
the number had dropped to 2.08. In two decades the typical American went
from having three close friends to only two. During this same time, the num-ber who said they had no one to discuss important matters with rose from
10% to 24.6% of the population. In short, people appear to be lonelier today
than they were just a few decades ago.
From time to time we have all felt the pain of loneliness. Each of us has suf-
fered through a period when there was no one to talk to, when everyone elseappeared to be with someone while we were alone, when all our relationshipsIN THE NEWS
Keeping Secrets
From the outside, Tom Paciorek
seemed to have a life almost anyonewould envy. Paciorek is a formerall-star outfielder who played majorleague baseball for 18 years. He
stands 6 foot 4 inches and was oncevoted the second most handsomeman in baseball. Upon retiring fromthe game, he became a televisionbroadcaster. He and his wife of
many years raised six healthy
children.
Yet at age 55 Paciorek was not
a happy man. In fact, he had spent
most of his life hiding a dark, hu-miliating secret. When Paciorek wasa boy growing up in Detroit, he wasmolested repeatedly over a period ofseveral years by a teacher at hisCatholic high school. That teacherlater became a priest. Like manychildren who are victims of sexualabuse, Paciorek told no one. Theabuse did not stop until he wentaway to college, and the emotionalpain Paciorek carried with him as aresult of the molestation never
ended.
“You try to deny it ever hap-
pened, to bury it in your mind, ”
Paciorek said, “but you live with
horrible emotions, with the loss of
self-esteem, with a loss of trust forothers” (as cited in Berkow, 2002).
As researchers have demon-
strated in numerous studies, trau-
matic experiences like the one
Paciorek went through often taketheir toll emotionally and physi-cally. The memories haunted
Paciorek throughout adulthood. Hedescribed his life as “chaos.” More
than 20 years after the abuse ended,Paciorek sought out psychotherapy.For 15 years he tried to workthrough his emotional pain with hiscounselor. But when Paciorek readthat the priest who had oncemolested him had been assigned towork with students, he knew thetime had come to disclose his secret.Paciorek joined hundreds of othervictims who came forward during
the wave of sexual abuse scandalsthat rocked the Catholic Church in2002. He was 55 years old andhad held onto his secret for nearly
40 years.
Paciorek didn ’t sleep the night
before his story appeared in theDetroit Free Press . But he soon
discovered, as have other trauma
victims, that talking about the ex-
perience is often better than holdingemotions inside. Paciorek received aflood of supportive phone calls and
e-mail messages. In an importantway, disclosing his secret had sethim free. On the day his story wasreported in the media, Paciorekwent jogging. Sometime during hisrun, while his thoughts were filledwith the events from so many yearsbefore, Paciorek heard a voice thatcaused him to burst into tears(Whitley, 2002).
“It’s over, ”the voice said. “It
took 40 years, but it ’s over. ”Loneliness 317