Self-Disclosure Among Friends and Romantic Partners
If you apply the disclosure reciprocity rule to recent conversations you ’ve had
with friends, you may find that it doesn ’t always work. It ’s quite possible that
one of you did most of the talking while the other one just listened. When a
friend calls and says “I need to talk, ”we usually don ’t interrupt with per-
sonal examples of our own. Researchers find the reciprocity rule doesn ’t al-
ways apply to good friends. After a certain level of intimacy is reached in arelationship, we feel free to disclose to friends without requiring reciprocaldisclosure (Altman & Taylor, 1973; Derlega, Wilson, & Chaikin, 1976).
One researcher found the highest level of disclosure reciprocity among people
who knew each other somewhat, but who were still in the process of develop-ing their relationship (Won-Doornink, 1985). Apparently these individuals
had made a commitment to learn more about each other, but they didn ’t
know each other well enough to assume that the trust would be there without
some sign of assurance.
However, these findings do not mean that strangers disclose more to each
other than friends. On the contrary, friends are much more likely to talk
about such intimate topics as their relationships, self-concepts, and sexual
Mean Intimacy Scale Value
Trials123456789 1 0 1 1 1 24.04.55.05.5
FIGURE 12.1 Progression of Intimacy During Dyad Conversation
Source: From “Self-disclosure in an acquaintance exercise: Responsibility for level of intimacy,” by
J. D. Davis, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 1976, 33, 787 –792.Self-Disclosure 311