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Part III    Humanistic/Existential Theories360
erospossible. Thegradual, relaxed development oftruefriendship isaprerequisite for
theenduring union oftwopeople.
Agape
Justaserosdepends onphilia, sophilia needs agape. May(1969b) defined agape as
“esteem fortheother, theconcern fortheother’s welfare beyond anygainthatonecan
getoutofit;disinterested love,typically, theloveofGodforman” (p.319).
Agape isaltruistic love.Itisakindofspiritual lovethatcarries withittherisk
ofplaying God. Itdoesnotdepend onanybehaviors orcharacteristics oftheother 
person. Inthissense, itisundeserved andunconditional.
Insummary, healthy adult relationships blend allfourforms oflove.They are
based onsexual satisfaction, adesire foranenduring union, genuine friendship, and
anunselfish concern forthewelfare oftheother person. Such authentic love,unfor -
tunately, isquite difficult. Itrequires self-af firmation andtheassertion ofoneself. “At
thesame timeitrequires tenderness, affirmation oftheother, relaxing ofcompetition 
asmuch aspossible, self-abnegation attimes intheinterests oftheloved one,andthe
age-old virtues ofmercy andforgiveness” (May, 1981, p.147).
Freedom and Destiny
Ablend ofthefourforms ofloverequires bothself-assertion andanaffirmation ofthe
other person. Italsorequires anassertion ofone’s freedom andaconfrontation with
one’s destiny .Healthy individuals areablebothtoassume theirfreedom andtoface
theirdestiny.
Freedom Defined
Inanearly definition, May(1967) saidthat“freedom istheindividual’s capacity to
know that he is the determined one ”(p.175). Theword “determined” inthisdefinition 
issynonymous withwhat May(1981) would latercalldestiny .Freedom, then, comes 
from anunderstanding ofourdestiny: anunderstanding thatdeath isapossibility at
anymoment, thatwearemale orfemale, thatwehaveinherent weaknesses, thatearly 
childhood experiences dispose ustoward certain patterns ofbehavior.
Freedom isthepossibility ofchanging, although wemaynotknow what those 
changes might be.Freedom “entails being ableto harbor different possibilities in one’s 
mind even though it is not clear at the moment which way one must act ”(May, 1981, 
pp.10–11). Thiscondition often leads toincrease inanxiety, butitisnormal anxiety, 
thekindthathealthy people welcome andareabletomanage.
Forms of Freedom
May(1981) recognized twoforms offreedom—freedom ofdoing andfreedom of
being. Thefirsthecalled existential freedom; thelatter, essential freedom.
Existential Freedom
Existential freedom should notbeidentified withexistential philosophy. Itisthefree-
domofaction—the freedom ofdoing. Most middle-class adult Americans enjoy large Final PDF to printer