right some of society ’s wrongs exhibit appropriate and constructive superi-
ority striving.
Parental Influence on Personality Development
Like Freud, Adler believed the first few years of life are extremely important
in the formation of the adult personality. However, Adler also placed greatemphasis on the parents ’role in this process. He identified two parental beha-
viors in particular that are almost certain to lead to problems for children
later in life. First, parents who give their children too much attention run the
risk of pampering . Pampering robs the child of independence and adds to
feelings of inferiority. Parents who keep their children away from all fastrides, aggressive playmates, and scary movies may leave their children unableto deal the inevitable setbacks and challenges life throws their way. You may
know some of these formerly pampered children who have difficulty living on
their own, making their own decisions, and dealing with the daily hassles andfrustrations we all encounter. Allowing children to struggle with problems
and make some of their own decisions, even if this means making mistakes,
is good for them in the long run.
Parents can avoid pampering by allowing children the independence to
make many of their own choices. However, it is also possible to do this too
much. The second major mistake parents make is to neglect their children.
Children who receive too little attention from their parents grow up cold and
suspicious. As adults, they are incapable of warm personal relationships.
They are uncomfortable with intimacy and may be ill at ease with closeness
or touching.
Birth Order
Adler was the first psychologist to emphasize the role of birth order in shap-
ing personality. That is, firstborn children in a family are said to be different
in personality from middle-born children, who are different from last-borns.
According to Adler, firstborn children are subjected to excessive attention
from their parents and thus to pampering. First-time parents can never take
enough photos and seldom miss an opportunity to tell friends and relatives
about the new arrival. However, this pampering is short-lived. With the ar-
rival of the second child, the firstborn is “dethroned. ”Now attention must
be shared with, if not relinquished to, the newest member of the family. As a
result, the firstborn ’s perception of inferiority is likely to be strong. Adler sug-
gested that among firstborns we often find “problem children, neurotics,
criminals, drunkards, and perverts. ”
On the other hand, Adler ’s assessment of middle children —Adler himself
was a middle child— was more positive. These children are never afforded the
luxury of being pampered, for even when they are the youngest there is always
another sibling or two demanding much of the parents ’time. Adler argued that
middle children develop a strong superiority striving. The middle-born is not
quite as strong, not quite as fast, and not quite as smart as older brothers
and sisters. It ’s as if they are always just a step behind. As a result, they are
always looking at the person a little ahead of them in school or in the office,“To be human means
to feel inferior. At the
beginning of every
psychological lifethere is a deep infe-
riority feeling. ”
Alfred AdlerAlfred Adler 99