What is it that makes feminine and androgynous people preferable part-
ners? Research suggests at least three reasons. First, look at the characteristics
that make up the feminine trait. People scoring high on this scale are affec-
tionate, compassionate, and sensitive to others ’needs. Feminine people are
better able to express their feelings and understand the feelings of others. It
only makes sense that we turn to them when we want to talk. Second, an-
drogynous people are more aware of and better able to express romantic feel-
ings (Coleman & Ganong, 1985). They have both the sensitivity and theunderstanding needed for intimacy as well as the assertiveness and willingness
to take the risks required to make things happen. People married to spouses
high in both expressiveness and sensitivity report the highest level of satis-faction with their relationships (Bradbury, Campbell, & Fincham, 1995;
Zammichieli, Gilroy, & Sherman, 1988). Consequently, androgynous people
may make the best romantic partners. Third, because they communicatewell, feminine and androgynous individuals are better able to resolve prob-
lems and avoid unnecessary disputes (Voelz, 1985). They are more sensitive
to their partners ’feelings and needs, are better able to express their own feel-
ings, and are thus more likely to live harmoniously than people who lack
these qualities (Aube, Norcliffe, Craig, & Koestner, 1995).
Unmitigated Communion
Feminine individuals clearly have an advantage when interacting with others in a
nurturing and loving way. But what if we take this characteristic to an extreme?
Imagine a woman who is not simply sensitive to others ’problems but subjugates
her own needs to the needs of the people around her. Is it possible to be so fo-
cused on taking care of other people that you fail to take care of yourself?
These questions lead some research ers to draw a distinction between commu-
nion and unmitigated communion (Helgesen, 1994). Communion —interacting
with others in a compassionate and caring manner —is a positive attribute. But
people high in unmitigated communion are so concerned with taking care of
others that they tend to sacrifice their own needs and interests. A woman high in
unmitigated communion may put her own educational and career ambitions aside
to concentrate on the needs of her spouse, children and friends. Unmitigated com-munion is also associated with difficulty asserting oneself, a fear of expressing feel-
ings that might lead to conflict, and a vuln erability to being exploited by others.
Failure to take care of one’ s own needs can exact a heavy toll. People
high in unmitigated communion tend to score low on measures of well-being
and self-esteem (Aube, 2008; Fritz & Helgeson, 1998; Helgeson & Fritz,
1999; Saragovi, Koestner, Di Dio, & Aube, 1997). These individuals tend to
view their personal value in terms of what others think of them (Fritz &
Helgeson, 1998). Thus, as discussed in Chapter 12, their sense of self-worth
is fragile and highly vulnerable to events outside their control. Not surpris-
ingly, researchers find unmitigated communion is related to high scores on
measures of depression (Helgeson & Fritz, 1999). One investigator collected
measures of unmitigated communion from a group of men and women when
they were 31 years old (Aube, 2008). The participants were contacted again at
age 41 and assessed for their level of depression. For both men and women,384 CHAPTER 14 The Behavioral/Social Learning Approach