they can only demand it. Because of this neurotic style, each new relation-
ship is almost certainly doomed.
Moving Against People
One way to handle anxiety is to cling to others, another is to fight. Some chil-dren find aggressiveness and hostility are the best way to deal with a poorhome environment. They compensate for feelings of inadequacy and insecu-
rity by pushing around other children. They are rewarded with a fleeting
sense of power and respect from classmates, but no real friendships. This neu-
rotic style takes on more sophisticated forms when these children become
adults. They may take advantage of business partners or lash out at others
with hurtful comments. In both child and adult, we find an ever-present needto exploit other people. Horney argued that this neurotic style is character-
ized by externalization , similar to Freud ’s concept of projection. That is, these
individuals learned during childhood that people are basically hostile and out
to get what they can. They respond to this perception by doing unto others
before others can do unto them. They enter into relationships only when there
is something to be gained. Consequently, relationships with these people arenecessarily shallow, unfulfilling, and ultimately painful.
Moving Away from People
Some children adopt a third strategy to deal with their anxiety. Instead of in-teracting with others in a dependent or hostile manner, the child may simply
tune out the world. Who needs them? The child ’s desire for privacy and self-
sufficiency can be intense. As adults, these neurotics seek out jobs requiring
little interaction with other people. As a rule, they avoid affection, love, and
friendship. Because emotional attachment might lead to the kind of pain they
remember from childhood, they develop a numbness to emotional experiences.The safest way to avoid anxiety is simply to avoid involvement. This is cer-
tainly the wrong person to fall in love with. Affection cannot be returned be-
cause it is not even experienced. Thus, for both participants, the relationshipwill be shallow and unrewarding.
Feminine Psychology
As a psychoanalyst in the 1930s, Horney found herself a woman in a man ’s
world. Many of her initial doubts about Freudian theory began with some ofFreud ’s disparaging views of women. Freud described penis envy —the desire
every young girl has to be a boy. Horney (1967) countered this male-
flattering position with the concept of womb envy —men’s envy of women ’s
ability to bear and nurse children. Horney did not suggest that men are there-
fore dissatisfied with themselves but rather that each gender has attributes
that the other admires. However, she did suggest that men compensate for
their inability to have children through achievement in other domains.
Horney also pointed out that Freud ’s observations and writings took place
at a time when society often placed women in inferior positions. If a womanliving in that era wished she were a man, it was probably because of the re-strictions and burdens placed on her by the culture, not because of inherent
inferiorities. In a society where both men and women are free to become114 CHAPTER 5 The Psychoanalyt ic Approach