the unjust imprisonment of generations of clowns-she hated their unnatural state of constant happiness-shoplifting love boat dvds , tag switching at garage sales , operating a taxi without a permit , unlawful unicorn racing , switching red hot candies for suppositories at a retirement home , waterboarding sea turtles ( looking for nessy ) , spraying `` fucktard '' on several ancient egyptian ruins ( she 'd been fighting with roberto that day ) , creating vampires , including the evil ones , aiding the maaskab , entrapping her brethren , the invention of spam , and ... well , the extinction of the dinosaurs .