i thought it was beautiful and wanted to go back and check it out but , uh ... when you , um ... explained you are who you are and you can , uh ... do what you can do , well ... '' his eyes came to mine and i stopped talking when i saw not one thing in them , nothing , not happiness , not confusion , not an indication he was humoring his idiot wife , nothing so i whispered , `` so , i guess i thought , you being you , you needed to have this . ''