i do n't know what to do , so i just stand in the middle of the yard , my mind flooded with images of the hallowells - his mother bending down to give us both red popsicles on a hot day ; his father wearing a fisherman hat at the many barbecues they hosted ; the glow of the candlelight on his parents ' faces when they set the birthday cake in front of james at all those parties i was forced to attend .