in the end , she 'd decided to give the story of a lifetime to someone else for two reasons : one , she valued her own life too much to roll the dice that there would n't be retaliation ; and two , if she reported it under her own byline , that meant she 'd used matthias , that he had n't been anything more than a source to her , that she 'd helped when she had not out of the goodness of her heart , but because she 'd been following a story .