there can never be a time when you forget them , when you are not , in your heart , questing after something you can not have , something you can not even properly imagine , the lack of which will spoil your sleep and your day and your life , until you close your eyes for the final time , until your loved ones give you poison and sell you to anatomy , and even then you will die with a hole inside you , and you will wail and curse at a life ill-lived .