he saw a cave , he hated caves now , saw himself , how sick and pale he looked , writhing , sweat pouring from him , washing away the blood that coated him , and he saw victoria , how sick and pale she looked , lying beside him , thrashing , moaning , and he heard her thoughts , all her thoughts from all her life , so loud he could n't deal with them , could n't listen to them , there were too many memories inside his head , her memories , his own , her pain , his own , more than could possibly fit , and if something did n't give soon , he would break , break into a thousand pieces and never fit back together .