as i ran , i thought of my father , his arms around the housekeeper-who-was n't , kissing her neck , and then i saw his face through the chilly bathwater as he held me under , and now i was no longer scared by what had happened in the bathroom ; now i was scared by what it meant that my father was kissing the neck of ursula monkton , that his hands had lifted her midi skirt above her waist .