i ca n't die like this , it 's unthinkable that i should die like this , it 's impossible , all my life forfeit , my dreams taken from me , the greatness i only glimpsed with stuart and with tessa ... somewhere in the back of his mind , he knew there were awful flaws in his logic , fatal flaws , but he continued , constructing the future , their coming , telling him they had only meant to scare him , and that it had been an accident , tommy 's dying , they had n't known the drop was so dangerous , foolish of them , murderous , vengeful liars and fools .