i 'm even the camerlengo , which means that if you drop dead , archchancellor , from any cause other than legitimate succession under the dead man 's pointy shoes tradition , i run this place until a successor is elected which , given the nature of wizardry , will mean a job for life , in which case the librarian , as an identifiable and competent member of the senior staff , will try to discharge his duties , and if he fails , the official procedure is for wizards everywhere to fight among themselves for the hat , causing fire , destruction , doves , rabbits and billiard balls to appear from every orifice and much loss of life . '