and dying in her arms and realizing that she herself was what everyone was disgusted by , and would kill : a lesbian , and the horror , the humiliation , of discovering his infidelity and feeling love so intense it was painful and remembering their last meeting and being forced to marry the man she despised , and catching sight of her true love now and then in the street and her letting him kiss her , at last and the fulfillment of a secret tryst , risking death gladly and visiting his grave and then she came to herself again , floating in the pool , looking up at ixuan .