and from another , the joy of new love at last , like spring after a long , hard winter and the strange combination of terrible guilt , deep sadness , and relief , as she severed the withered bond , and walked away and having her husband chosen for her , and vowing to make the best of the inevitable and forgetting everything , losing herself , in the blissful ecstatic intensity of sex with one deeply loved and the wonder of watching her new husband grow , and become even more of a man , and the horror of sitting by his wifes bedside , day after day , helplessly watching this once-vibrant woman shrink towards death and remembering their first meeting , so long ago , and wondering , was that really me ?