not just awaking to that near sleepy state swedenborg so favored , no , it was like he knew that he would never be awake as he had always before wakenedturning to her and feeling both that oneness and that separateness which he had always felt ... waking to image himselfthough he really didnt like the image it came ... hammered itself to himof being spentlike a nut shell or an empty bullet casing : spentshe there with something of him inside her ... seeing himself like the pea inside the pod : himself lost inside herthis type of waking was not his today .