and and it wasnt just me , yknow reggie , alf and mixer all wanted to learn magic too we all wanted to learn it together and i thought maybe , if i was here i could get them instruments , write down my lessons and send it to them i thought we could do it together its why i wanted to come to domremy more than anything , its why i wanted to and then gregory was crying , silent shudders shaking him , fists-clenched and nails digging into palms , face-reddening as he tried to hold the sobs back , but he couldnt , and all at once , there was release his shame at his magical mediocrity his frustration at having met vincent and nothing changing and above all , his grief at losing reggie and alf , his terror at how with every day that passed , there was less of them within him less in memory , and less in deed his strain in needing to move on , and feeling too guilty to every sob dragged a louder , more powerful sob behind it gregory covered his face with one hand johanna looked very alarmed .