`` a wallowing bow-heavy tub with more sail than sea-sense ; i would as soon cut my throat as try and make her mind , '' laurence remembered hearing riley himself say of her several years before , when the two of them had watched from the rail of the dear old reliant as the transport attempted awkwardly to maneuver her way into portsmouth : neither of them dreaming , at the time , they should ever be upon her in their present circumstances .