at first , when they had unkowingly crossed over to feerien and were beating at the cave wall like mad beasts , and later on , while they were facing the army of the scavengers and their odious leader , raddias thoughts had many times fled to the remembered safety of lurien , possibly forever lost to them ; it wasnt a rational longing , for to their people she and gallan were dead , killed for the impurity of their stubbornly unmerging substances .