but once he was old enough to understand and accept his gods-appointed duty , and shouldered the full weight and diversity of the dreams his frail , ageing parents could no longer bear or protect him from , wixelors world became even drearier , and he would spend days or even weeks at a time lying flat on his bed and staring at the ceiling , while his mind was assailed by swarms of dreams , some of them so vividly terrifying or heartrending , he almost felt as if they were part of his own sorrowful life , and he would even forego food and water , wishing to die and thus put and end to this madness , to this ceaseless procession of agonizing fantasies , of shattered hopes and boundless fears .