up until that moment , yenka had managed to sustain her pretense of cheer , waiting for her children to doze off in the back of the wagon to wipe away her silently shed tears but as they stood before the stark tower , and it suddenly dawned on her that the next time shed be seeing her precious boy , the light of her life , hed be a man of nearly twenty , she crumpled to the ground and began to wail , moan and claw the dirt with her fingers , a pain so raw that yerns tight embrace did nothing to console .