and , as so many men before me throughout the long and troubled history of man had realized , usually much too late , i realized that it was a woman that was really the trouble after all i had always cared only for playing music in a band , reading good literature , dabbling in writing here and there , finding adventure , taking risks , feeling the sun in the sky , earth under my feet , and approaching a new horizon in front of me be it a new job or a plane ticket across the ocean .