the photographs hinted at the idea of standing there , at the foothill a of nameless , snow-capped mountain ; they hinted at the ease and the possibility and hinted , at the way i could reach out through the photograph and touch the mountain ; and i remember a profound sadness filling me , capturing me , silencing all thought and reason , and i remember sobbing , silently , uncontrollably ; thick drops of tears smudging the ink and the mountains and the numbers , because i could n't see any way in which it was possible for me to stand in front of the mountain ; i was too small to move to something so enormous .