curiously , my entire being became overwhelmed with a strangely desperate yearning to meet all of lifes challenges , for unrestricted glimpses at our planets most beautiful landscapes , for but a hint at what outstanding mysteries lie beyond our feeble consciousness , for a hidden depth of knowledge as yet unseen by modern man - the discovery of new lands , new dominions , new concepts , for a family to teach and learn from , and finally for a future unsullied by the uncleansable , blackened stain of madness .