i am nothing but pictures that are flashing past me quickly now a school yard with railway tracks , flag pole , concrete stage with grey banners , large balcony in a beloved apartment , chewing an eraser , pencil with teeth marks , black square hats raining down , lips coming closer and closer and closer , drop of crystal tear on dark eyelash , leaf , first miracle , first letter , first poem , first friend , best friend , mother , sister , brother , drunken night , words , scar , huge fight , disgust , anger , love , anger , love , fear , love , rain , rain drops , hospital room , green wall , clock ticking , second-hand ticking , one more second , one more second , one more second , one more sec * the anatomy of death to speak from beyond death is difficult as language is an extremely weak carrier of cognitive and intuitive understanding .