the hill , the church , the graveyard were all gone , even the sun had disappeared , leaving them in the middle of a cold darkness , one that had followed conor ever since his mother had first been hospitalized , from before that when she 'd started the treatments that made her lose her hair , from before that when she 'd had flu that did n't go away until she went to a doctor and it was n't flu at all , from before even that when she 'd started to complain about how tired she was feeling , ever since before all that , ever since forever , it felt like , the nightmare had been there , stalking him , surrounding him , cutting him off , making him alone .