images of patrick swirled in her head : patrick toddling behind her through drifts of snow on their way to skate across gedney pond ; patrick all sneezy and sleepy with allergies , dozing next to her in the car on long trips to the adirondack mountains ; patrick elbow-deep in mud , trying to gross her out by finding worms ; patrick scanning the yard for gnomes or standing lookout at the riverbed for sarah wilkins and her group of snotty , snooty friends .