my heart was so confused by the combination of terrors that , if i was afraid of being this high up-of looking out across the city and the steep valley of trees beyond the gardens , feeling as though i could land on the ground miles from this spot if i fell-i did n't notice it , even though my only beams of safety right now were the splintery shelf of branch , only as wide as my hips , and the secure grip of the predator 's fingers around my arm .