and even though they 're not religious they say that i ca n't be jewish because they 're not jewish and they think stein is the only reason i want to be jewish , but i wanted to be jewish ever since i was seven and i was watching the saturday services on my screen and it just seemed so holy , and i thought if jesus was a jew why could n't i be a jew because i love the prayers and the hebrew and the way they 've triumphed over all this massive hate over all these centuries , and i do n't know if i can be like that , but if the oil in the lamp in the temple-you know , during hanukkah-if that lasted for eight days-just one drop-then clearly miracles happen and me being jewish is n't anything close to being a miracle , it 's just something i want to do , and i was perfectly happy keeping it a secret and learning the hebrew online and seeing the services and giving myself a hebrew name , but the thing is that i 'm going to be thirteen soon and i really want to become a bar mitzvah , even though there 's no synagogue anywhere near me .