there were years when we could n't even afford to turn on the heat and had to go without eating meals from time to time , but mom always came through with circus tickets for us , and when we were at the circus , she 'd always buy me cotton candy , popcorn , peanuts , soda , and a souvenir-sometimes a stuffed elephant or monkey , sometimes a t-shirt or a hat or a poster of someone being shot out of a cannon or walking the tightrope or a million clowns getting out of a tiny car .