i try to be brave , but then i never was very brave and oh , lord , i commend my body to the sea and my soul to thee and ... ... and then i am lifted up and the bascule is placed flat down on something and i am facedown again and being moved forward and something comes down wooden and heavy on my neck and i hear a young girl 's voice cry out , no , no , please , not me ... please ... is that me crying out ?