i had wanted this to be my thing , my big show of chivalry or something like that , but she had this way of overpowering every alpha male instinct in me until i was putty in her hands , willing to let her lead me anywhere and do anything she wanted , and at the same time ramping up all of my testosterone until i was a possessive , psychotic neanderthal and i felt the strongest urge to throw her over my shoulder and declare `` mine ! ''