it 's definitely her , and i 'm definitely f**ked , because the between-band rush is pressing toward me now and if i try to leave , i 'll have to push my way out , and if i have to push my way out , she 'll see me making an escape and she 'll know for sure that i ca n't take it , and even if that 's the goddamn truth i do n't want her to have actual proof .