i want to tell mom that i really do n't give a crap about living on a school bus , but that the world is beating me down and i feel like i 'm battling everyone and no one is putting any fuel back into my tank and i 'm not sure i 'm going to make it to adulthood unscathed and still believing in hope because jc is n't doing me any favors as of late and everything is so frickin ' messed up-but i ca n't stop crying , so i just let my mom hold me and pat my back for a half hour or so of pathetic sobbing .