`` he was on me and he had his hand across me mouth so i could n't call for help and he would n't get up and he 's so heavy and he was kissin ' me and i could n't breathe and he pulled down me pants and put 'is hand on me and i was out o ' me mind wi ' the terror so i pulled out me shiv and i only wanted to poke 'im a little so 's he 'd get up and leave me alone but instead he jumps up and he 's bleedin ' and yellin ' and then 'e goes over the side and i did n't mean it , sir , i did n't but 'e was so heavy and awful and i did n't know what else to do , i did n't know what to do ... see , look ye here ... '' i pulls me shiv out o ' me vest and tosses it on the deck .