but over time , the memories did n't cause me as much pain and visions of us together filtered through my day : leaning against the wall with her in my arms while we watched kids go by in the hall , chucking gummy bears at each other as we studied in the library , her teasing me with those tiny , tight shorts when i 'd come watch her finish up practice after my own was over with , her breath , her smell , her laugh , her eyes , her love ... a love never spoken out loud , but evident in every move she made around me .