she would n't believe it because if she did , i do n't think she 'd be able to sing songs from silly musicals while doing housework , and that 's her favorite thing to do in the world , or at least it was when i used to hang out with asher back in middle school.58 i try not to think about her hearing the gunshots , her running into asher 's room , her screaming , her maybe even cradling asher 's blood-soaked head in her arms , trying to put his brains back into his skull,59 and her endless weeping for a fictional boy who did n't ever exist-the son she never had-because she believes her asher is an absolute angel .