at the top of the paper is written `` jesu , joy of man 's desiring , '' and underneath that is a bunch of lines with little black bugs and squiggles on em and i ai n't got the foggiest idea of what they mean and i shakes me head and me throat starts to tighten up and me eyes start to fill and i 'm startin ' to shake all over 'cause once again i 'm found wantin ' in every class and i 'm so backward in everything here and i do n't want them to see me cry , but two days of being the dummy is just too much and i 'm losing control of everything and i 'm about to run up and get my seabag and run off down to the docks and ... me mind hears amy say , `` pardon , maestro , a moment , please , '' and she puts her arm around me and she hustles me out into the hall .