we 'd have two boys and two girls , of course -- remember , this is still my fantasy -- and they would be named micha ( after avi s brother who died , because jewish people do n't name their kids after living people , only dead people , which is weird to me , but whatever ) , golan ( where avi was born ) , maya ( which means `` water '' and that 's something you ca n't live without ) , and abigail ( which means `` leader of joy '' ; i did n't grow up with joy and want our children to grow up with it ) .