my stomach does a tiny flip when i see it , and a thousand memories flood me at once-carol sitting on my bed and telling me , in her measured voice , about the expectations of husband and wife ; jenny sticking her hand on her hip and telling me i wo n't know what to do when the time comes ; whispered stories of willow marks ; hana wondering out loud in the locker room what sex feels like , while i hissed at her to be quiet , checking over my shoulder to make sure no one was listening .