and in-between , snapshots , moments , mere seconds ; alex smearing chocolate ice cream on my nose after i 've complained i 'm too hot ; the heavy drone of bees circling above us in the garden , a neat line of ants marching quietly over the remains of our picnic ; alex 's fingers in my hair ; the curve of his elbow under my head ; alex whispering , `` i wish you could stay with me , '' while another day bleeds out on the horizon , red and pink and gold ; staring up at the sky , inventing shapes for the clouds : a turtle wearing a hat , a mole carrying a zucchini , a goldfish chasing a rabbit that is running for its life .