standing there in-between two disgusting dumpsters in some crappy alley with the whole world crumbling down around me , and hearing alex say those words , all the fear i have carried with me since i learned to sit , stand , breathe- since i was told that at the very heart of me was something wrong , something rotten and diseased , something to be suppressed-since i was told that i was always just a heartbeat away from being damaged-all of it vanishes at once .