the list was never discussed because one of the items on the list was the list itself , but joe understood that fi rst and foremost on the list was anything that could cause embarrassment to the family -- relatives who 'd engaged in repeated public drunkenness ( uncle mike ) , who 'd married outside of the church ( cousin ed ) , who 'd committed crimes ( cousin eoin , out in california ) , committed suicide ( cousin eoin again ) , or given birth out of wedlock ( aunt somebody in vancouver ; she 'd been so completely banished from the family that joe did n't know her name ; she existed like a small stream of smoke that curled into the room before someone thought to shut the door ) .