brendan wanted to spill , he wanted the words to come out of his mouth in a gush of passionate , fucked-up , not entirely sensible , but completely honest testament to katie and what she 'd meant to him and how it had felt to press his nose against her neck in this bed and hook one of his fingers around one of hers and wipe ice cream off her chin and sit beside her in a car and watch her eyes dart as she came to intersections and hear her talk and sleep and snore and he wanted to go on for hours .