besides , in drawing the picture of my early days , i also record those events which led , by insensible steps , to my after tale of misery : for when i would account to myself for the birth of that passion , which afterwards ruled my destiny , i find it arise , like a mountain river , from ignoble and almost forgotten sources ; but , swelling as it proceeded , it became the torrent which , in its course , has swept away all my hopes and joys .