i carefully set the photograph to my inside coat pocket , reminded myself to be careful with it , sort of grumbled that i should get an envelope , hold it until i got home , sort of snarled that bertram would probably not even recognize itd gone missingnot even after i was incarcerated , even after years and years , even when he roiled in remorse , when he clawed at his face every night unable to sleep , wondering what id done , why id done it , forced to remember whatever make believe hed sat up nights imagining , dissolving himself in his old fantasies of cuckold revenge .