it made no promises , our staying assured me of nothing , her dying made nothing absolute and i had no idea how i might eventually slip away , but donald was certainly in no headspace to me toyed with , the moment he got it in his mind i wanted him to do one thing particularly more than another he could kill mekilling me was irrelevant by this point , he had no reason not to other than maybe he kind of liked me , maybe he kind of didnt want to .