shed put the money in my hand , i was to get drunk on her , drink to her , raise a glass to her namewould have raised a glass to her name , her eyes , her wrists , her voice , the way she stopped herself from saying something to better bluntly indicate what she had to sayand shed touched me one last time or maybe hadnt , id off through the door and could get no farther , tethered myself to her , a mistake she had no way of knowing shed made .