kind of standing , doubled over , elbows to the center of my thighs , hands crossed over each other , limp at the writs , neck arched , peculiarly , stiffing taut as i held it , i got to the kitchen , ran the faucet , drank from my blubbering hands , using the wets of them to wipe at my face , poking my eyes over and over while i did , because they just wouldnt close , were stained open , indelible .