putting the money on my tongue , i tilted the bottle into my tilting back head , tried to swallow but took a wrong breath , choked , a spray of bourbon falling to the surface of the table , coughs wheezing from me as though i was being dismantled , a string of mucus from my nose to the wet back of my hand id used to steady myselfwhatever i mightve said worthless behind the gags of me standing there emptied .