its kind of hard to relax with the sun in the room next to me and a pile driver crashing through my head every second , but i concentrate and i try and i think of good things , like beer , sex and money , and not of the blood in my mouth , why do i have to swallow whatever it is with blood , with my own blood , why cant they just give me something normal like gin , or vodka , but i mustnt think of the blood , i have to think of something else , and somehow i manage to swallow whatever it is and the pain stops and the lights disappear and the sun goes out and i open my eyes .