sedative withdrawal had stopped her dead in her tracks.it had captured her.the extent of its grip on her soul went beyond her current physical and mental disability.in her altered mental state , she felt as though it had wiped out her entire existence and her identity.she had experienced a complete loss of self.all the things that had made her who she was were gone.in psychology , this was called de-personalization.she now knew the true meaning of that term.her sharp wit , her creative energy , even her compassion had been stripped from her.through this void , she had been forced to search for a new identity.she was still going through the motions and relying on her memory of who carol used to be , but she was now sure of one thing : this life made no sense.she only had a limited number of active years left and she was wasting them.what was the alternative ? she didnt know.she just knew that she didnt want to fight for this anymore .