she had attempted to deliver group lectures that she had given hundreds of times in the past.they were part of her.but to her horror , she could no longer remember the flow of her presentations.she would begin a thought that was designed to lead to a wide area of exploration , only to realize halfway through that she had no idea where she going.she had begun looking for any excuse to avoid lecturing , and was showing a lot of videos in their place.the quality of the addiction program was taking a dive , but her mind no longer served her.she had lost her edge.she feared it would be another tool against her if anyone else ever discovered her new disability , so she continued to go through the motions of being competent .