after the amount of people ive murdered the amount of eyes ive felt move through me on their way to whatever else it was that came next ( probably nothingness ) all of that death , it left a hidden corner behind my heart where i could tuck whatever emotion i didnt want to feel , whatever pain or anger or sadness that surged , i could just tuck it away , just hide it behind my heart and move on with my business until i felt the need to remove the bookmarker , the stain .