so much is said about wasted lives but only that mans life is wasted who lived on , so deceived by the joys of life or by its sorrows , that he never became eternally and decisively conscious of himself as spirit , as self , or what is the same thing never became aware and in the deepest sense received an impression of the fact that there is a god , and that he , he himself , his self , exists before this god , which gain of this infinite blessing is never attained except through despair .