i lift the front skirt of the dress holding in my right hand so i dont trip and fall on the hard concrete allowing the backpack to bounce side to side on my right arm hanging like a monkey from my elbow as i puff and fluff my messy long hair and pinch my cheeks with my left two finger pads for some color besides panicked engine red then i stop at the side door and nosily inhale and nosily exhale calming my beating heart , my racing pulse , and my shaking kneecaps .