i heard distantly the part of me that had survived in the outside world shouting at me , yelling that i should abandon this , that i should go back to the nestle , that i should never have left , that this was insanity but i raced through the bower regardless , turning through corridors that all looked the same , trying to find the turnings that made sense , trying to move downward , always downward , toward the distant hollowed hall i fell across a final staircase and saw the long spaced tables , the unlit braziers , and realized i had made it .