i hardly wanted to speak because i still felt like crying so i sniffled and shuffled along behind her and then she hugged me and for some reason i felt so safe and warm and cared for , like i hadnt felt in months , that i did everything she said , even when it involved taking off most of my muddy clothes on the veranda ( she politely averted her eyes ) , cleaning off in the laundry and putting on an indescribable purple something of tessas ( ugh ) that she brought out to me .