i last for a few hours after he leaves , long after lights-out in every other part of the camp , deep into the belly of the winter night , before the pressure becomes unbearable , and then , when i ca n't take it anymore , i start shouting for help , waving at the camera and then rolling over to press my chest against the cold metal railings , pounding my fist into the pillow in frustration and fury , until the door bursts open and claire charges in , followed closely by a big bear of a recruit , whose hand immediately flies to cover his nose .