his noise keeps getting quieter , but i can see it there still- see how he feels the skin of my hand against his , see how he wants to take it and press it to his mouth , how he wants to breathe in the smell of me and how beautiful i look to him , how strong after all that illness , and how he wants to just lightly touch my neck , just there , and how he wants to take me in his arms and- `` oh , god , '' he says , looking away suddenly .