my throat is choking and i think i 'm crying but nothing feels attached to anything and i 'm here holding my mother 's hand in a wrecked spaceship on the first planet i 've ever been to , in the middle of a night i can see through a crack in the ship 's hull and she 's dying , she 's dying , and i 've been so horrible to her for months- 'say it , viola , ' my mother whispers .