ben nods again , slow and sad , and i notice now that he 's dirty and there 's blood clotted on his nose and he looks like he ai n't eaten for a week but it 's still ben and he can still read me like no other cuz his noise is already asking me bout manchee and i 'm already showing him and here at last my eyes properly fill and rush over and he takes me in his arms again and i cry for real over the loss of my dog and of cillian and of the life that was .