and that 's enough to make the battle come rushing back to the front of my thoughts , rushing back in all its horror , and even if my noise is blurry she must be able to tell cuz she takes my hand and it 's just care and calm and i suddenly feel like i want to curl up into it for the rest of my life and just cry there for ever and my eyes get wet and she sees and she breathes , `` todd , '' with all her kindness and i have to look away from her again and somehow we both end up looking over at the mayor , standing across the campfire , watching everything we do .