even when i left , it still had the strange blurriness to it , where it was hard to see details but was still just vivid with feelings- ( -even those feelings , the ones that were there for a minute before he got embarrassed , the physical feelings , the ones without words , the ones concentrated right on my skin , of how he wanted to touch it more , those feelings that made me want to- ) -and i wonder again if he 's in the same shock as angharrad , if what he saw in battle was so bad , it somehow made him unable to even see it , even in his noise , and my heart just breaks at the thought of it- another reason for no more war .