more real , more there , like it 's just the most incredible thing in the world that we 're both still alive and i feel my chest get all funny and tight and i think , here she is , right here , my viola , she came for me , she 's here- and i find myself thinking how i want to take her hand again and never let it go , to feel the skin of it , the warmth of it , hold it tight against my own hand and- `` your noise is funny , '' she says , looking at me strange again .