( just effing shut the hell up ) by the time i get back in the tower , it 's nearly morning and mayor ledger 's waiting up for me and even tho i 'm in no fitness to do anything , i 'm wondering if maybe he played a part in all this somehow but his instant concern for me , his horror at the shape i 'm in , it all sounds true in his noise , so true that i just lay slowly down on the mattress and do n't know what to think .