never let me go , says the knife- `` i 'm sorry , '' i whisper under my breath tho i do n't know who to or what for- i 'm sorry- and i leap- aaron does n't move , arms open as if to embrace me- i barrel into him with my shoulder- he does n't resist- my noise screams red- we fall past the pulpit to the ledge- i 'm on top of him- he still does n't resist- i punch his face- over- and over- and over- breaking it further- breaking it into bloody messy pieces- hate pouring outta me thru my fists- and still i pound him- still i hit- thru the breaking of bone- and the snapping of gristle- and an eye crushed under my knuckles- till i can no longer feel my hands- and still i hit- and his blood spills on me and over- and the red of it matches the red of my noise- and then i lean back , still on him , covered in his blood- and he 's laughing , he 's laughing still- and he 's gurgling `` yes '' thru broken teeth , `` yes- '' and the red rises in me- and i ca n't hold it back- and the hate- and i look over- at the knife- just a metre away- on the ledge- by the pulpit- calling for me- calling- and this time i know- this time i know- i 'm going to use it .