and to be suddenly thrust into command not only of a ship-and not just a ship , but an english man-of-war-and not merely a man-of-war , but one with a plague aboard that had deprived her suddenly of a quarter of her crew and virtually all her command-i felt the fright and fury that had bubbled inside me for the last few days begin to ebb , as i realized that the high-handedness that had led him to kidnap me was in fact not arrogance or ill-judgment , but the result of sheer desperation .