i keep watching him , reading his voice , reading everything in it : the terrible and terrific responsibility he feels for the land weighing on him every moment , awake or asleep ; the concern he feels for me , for how i am eating myself alive with hate and revenge ; his worry for the days to come and the weeks and months after that , how no matter what happens today , the land will be for ever changed , is already for ever changing ; and i see that , if forced , he will act without me , he will leave me behind if he must for the good of the land .