she decided on a man who was physically twenty-three ( and honestly , he was very attractive , with the most amazing eyes i had ever seen ) but he was forty-eight in actuality , which , sure , it could have been worse , because girls my age were married off to men who were physically forty-eight and like , one hundred in actuality , but when i looked into his amazing eyes at our first meeting , i could not shake this trembling in my chest that was both my heart beating irregularly ( and not in a good way ) but also some writhing feeling of anxiety that was provoked by knowing he was not a good man .