i turned , faced him , and as he stood , catching his breath , spitting out the blood from his mouth , i charged him , tackled him around the middle , trying to remember the nights we had fought together , when he had told me his weaknesses , when we had been rehearsing for our fights onboard the lapsarian , but i could not see those nights , when i had loved him so much , with every part of me , shamelessly , passionately , when we had made love afterwards , when he had held me as i fell asleep .