i felt the moment she had first been in my arms , the first time i had soothed her cries , the first time i had held her hands as she walked i saw the nights in our apartment , i saw her in her bassinet under the christmas tree , as rachel and i opened the gifts that we had bought for her , all her little onesies and bibs and little infant toys i saw the nights i had read to her in bed , i saw the night on the ship when she had looked out the great window at the rushing sea of color and light and stars , her eyes alight with wonder , with utter awe .