but i hope you can understand , dr. hoskins , tliat despite this very carefully burnished facade of mine that you see i 'm basically a researcher , with all the enthusiasm of a brand-new graduate student setting out to uncover the secrets of the universe , and sometimes despite all my knowledge of what 's feasible and appropriate i tend to sidestep the customary protocols out of sheer feverish desire to get to the heart of- '' hoskins smiled .