she would shush me , and sometimes , she would use the tips of her fingers to brush my hair back out of my face , and even though my mind was playing through the memories of nick and me , or it was tormenting me by projecting images of how i thought he must have looked when he died , or wondering what his last thoughts must have been , my cries calmed , and empty darkness took hold of my mind , allowing me to sleep something close to peacefully but not quite there .