a part of my heart and mind begged me to keep her away , as i did not want her to see me in such a statewith my hands bound above my head , as i practically choked on the impossibly thick cloth tied in my mouth , with my shirt torn open down the middle , and naked from the waist downbut the larger parts of my heart and mind begged to see her , and my evil curse inflicted upon me by the lord of all darkness , which i had heard she shared , reached out , dulled her mind to everything but my influence , and pulled her back to me .