my knees collapsed out from under me , not because she was heavy or because the impact of her small body into mine had caused me to stagger , but because i had feared for so long that she was lost to me forever , and feeling her there in my arms , feeling her soft hair under my hand , feeling her tears on my shoulder , hearing her cries , feeling her heart pounding against my chest , assured me that she was not lost , her continued existence was no longer able to be questioned , her wellbeing was , for the most part , preserved .