in the depth of the night , in a hotel room in a town he did n't even know the location of , in a nation that for over a century had seemed the natural enemy of his own , however much a spirit of reluctant and suspicious cooperation might rule in the last few decades , morrison found himself weeping out of self-pity and out of sheer childish helplessness - out of a feeling of utter humiliation that no one should think him worth struggling for or even wasting regret over .