i could not see the nights or the days or the months or the years when i had been so blind to who he was he pushed back against me , digging his heels in as i pushed him back towards the broken window , ready to throw him through , to end him forever , that sick bastard , that son of a bitch , that motherfucker , my fucking love , my love , my love the blood on the floor was making him slip , so the weight advantage he had on me was nothing , and i pushed him across the floor and then shoved once we had reached the window .