i was picturing us both being tortured , of the blue light that met my touch wherever it rested on him , of how his body had seized beneath me , how after days upon days upon days , he had begun to shed tears when they shocked him , until finally , he had broken , his body and his mind shattered , and he was saying that he didnt love me anymore , he didnt want me anymore and because i was seeing all of this as clearly in my memory as i had seen it in the moment with my eyes , and because i was feeling the pain of it in my broken heart , she was seeing it and feeling it , too .