we are doomed by birth to be terrible men and terrible women , and we learn when we are small from those who know of our curse that we will grow up to be terrible , and even if we swear we wont , even if our mothers clutch us to their breasts at night and swear that we will never make deals for the worse , when death comes knocking , when our skin turns pale white , and our eyes begin to dull , and the dreadful illnesses begin to set in , we fight .