her breathing hitched in her throat , and because my power involved controlling feelings and sensing them all around me , i knew exactly what she felt : that violent , uncontrollable rage , louder and more damaging than a holy storm ; that dense , draining sadness that was so hollow and yet so full of pain and grief ; and that fear , so paralyzing and so reactionary , terrifying her beyond anything we can fathom and driving her to both stay put , where she could wallow in it , and run towards it , to fight and kick and cry and scream , hoping that it could be beaten and her life could be saved .