that is why i was so damaged , because i had experienced the worst of them firsthand there was no possible way i could ever speak of it out loud there was too much complexity to it , too many layers , each one deeper and more complicated by inexplicable reason than the last because he had never exhibited such signs towards his other two daughters ( thank god or the gods ) it must have been that he truly had disregarded me as a child after luc died , and if he had disregarded me as his child , then it was no longer as wrong as it could have been right ?