i still can not decide if that moment with her , when she grasped my hand and agreed to come back to the apartment with me ( however unreal it might have been ) was like waking from a terrible nightmare to be soothed by reality where there are no monsters , tidal waves , or bombs to end one 's life , or if it was like experiencing that strangely comforting feeling of being within the best dream , where one dreads the moment when consciousness returns , because then one knows that that feeling is a lie , that it was all just in the mind .