after i had thrown myself on top of him and punched him twiceonce with both fists , in rapid successioni saw that his nose had shattered and blood was pouring down his face , and i remembered how long it had taken me to learn how to stop a heavy nosebleed , how many bloodied tissues i had thrown away by the time i remembered the angry red marks from his belt , or the time he had choked me for telling him that lucien was gone and it was time he got over it , or the night he had given me a concussion by first throwing me to the ground and then slamming my head into the floor because i had noted out loud his fetish for drunken , middle-aged whores and disease-infested , vapid girls my age , or the nights he had come to my apartment , stinking drunk wanting wanting wanting wanting what his beloved friend had had .