i missed talking to him , lying in bed with him at night , hearing him rattling around the kitchen while he made dinner , listening as he and penny played card games and board games and whatever else they could find , hearing him yell from the shower that he had forgotten a towel , watching him stand in the mirror , shaving , with his brows furrowed very slightly as he concentrated i pictured all of those things , and i just wanted him to appear from nowhere and hold me .