reverberating through my ears and through every empty corridor of my mind , i heard a fist pounding on the door , screaming her name , and then i saw a flash of red , red on my hands and her armsnot my motherswere around me , and her voicenot my motherswas telling me that everything was going to be okay , everything was going to be okay , everything was going to be okay but then , my eyes blinked once , and my heart beat once , and it was as though the moment had not happened at all .