perhaps it was because at the moment he asked me to aid him on behalf of times that had passed between us , i felt an uneasily throbbing bloom of nostalgia for when he had been so kind to me , for when he had kissed me while we were awaiting our deaths , for when he had held me while that shadow paced in front of us with that hungry lust in her eyes , for when we had almost ... then , his hands came up to grasp the cup , and i knew that i had been played by him once again , as i had been played by him so many times before .