i know that i must have been somewhere between because i remember distinctly the barrage of images and sounds that ran rampantly through my vulnerable mind : james , violet , penny , and eli , all alive , but very tired ; don struggling to keep hisourpeople from revolting and going off on their own ; adam 's mind struggling to steel itself against my unintentional invasions , during which i would discover that his condition was worsening far more quickly than it should have been , and he could not heal himself despite how hard he was trying .