she was sorry and there was blood all over my hands that night in the bathroom , and rachel was saying , everythings going to be okay , everythings going to be okay , everythings going to be okay , as i told her that i didnt want to die , i didnt want to bleed to death , asking why it wouldnt stop , why it was happening , all the while holding her hand that was holding a bath towel between my legs i looked down at penny , and she looked up at me .