i could feel the warmth of the living realm , i could almost reach it , reach her , but it was just one inch away from my reaching fingers , she was just one inch from my longing embrace ; her ears were just out of the reach of my voice , so i could not tell her that everything would be alright , that she was strong , she would live , violet would take care of her , james and i would be okay was i dead , or was i drugged ?