i 'd gone from just wanting to come back to los angeles and try to get a job singing a toothpaste jingle or watching a toddler dance around in the newest kind of diapers with a really big baby load to this : a series that was going to debut to high ratings even if the show was shit , which it was not , and a press junket where i would have to sit and watch as reporters showed pictures of me at my heaviest and tried to get me to comment on why weight was such an issue in hollywood .