and it was all so new and fresh and raw , and i was just figuring out what i wanted to do up here , and if i could truly stay and live here , and then you and i started spending so much time together , and holy fudge , lucas , you 're the best , and we were spending so much time together and then my mom and dad were here , and i was so afraid something was going to come up about the wedding and you 'd find out that way , and i knew it would be better coming from me and- '' `` better coming from you ? ''