after my bath , i rub myself with coconut-almond oil , slide on my sleekest thong , my red dress , some turquoise heels , a thick yellow wristband-at least three colors on me , which always makes me feel good-and i hurry over to brooke 's place , telling myself to stop wondering if i 'll really have a date , if i 'll ever pay the debt , if i 'll ever have a good night 's rest again .