had i just waited another month , letting the remedy affect me , had i limited myself to three trips and no more ... had i , had i ... `` ' had i been a husband , had i been a father , `` 'i shall die alone , abandoned by my lover , `` 'lay me down gently , i 'll go no farther , `` 'lay me down gently ... `` 'i found the pig dead in its pen .