the mingling of family was n't supposed to happen , not now , not until joe and i were having , say , our peony festooned engagement dinner somewhere fancy and close to water ( i was thirty-five and this was the second time around but that did n't mean i did n't have fantasies ) , when bea was comfortable with joe ; theresa and vinnie could be briefed about bea 's delicate disposition ; and the situation could be contained .