not my weight ; not my dad ; not my sisters and mother ; not my years-long crush on luke ; not him punching out the boys who called me fatty , fatty four-eyes ; not him sitting next to me on the stoop after my dad left ; not our embrace at his dad 's funeral ; not my promise and breaking it with my non-return of luke 's calls ; not rick , dave and noah ; not dom ; not sandra whoever-she-was ; not luke cuffing me to him and his bed - not a thing .